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1
00:00:04,380 --> 00:00:07,250
(WOMAN) Hello, I'm calling from
Steven Spielberg's office.
2
00:00:07,251 --> 00:00:08,716
I'm looking for the writers
3
00:00:08,717 --> 00:00:11,519
Hugh Davidson, Larry Dorf
and Rachel Ramras.
4
00:00:11,520 --> 00:00:13,322
Mr. Spielberg is wanting
to meet with them
5
00:00:13,323 --> 00:00:16,292
THIS WEDNESDAY AT 4:00 here at Amblin.
6
00:00:16,293 --> 00:00:18,627
It's obviously time sensitive,
so it would be great
7
00:00:18,628 --> 00:00:20,229
if you could call me back, thank you.
8
00:00:20,230 --> 00:00:22,010
Oh my God, oh my God,
oh my God, oh my God.
9
00:00:23,500 --> 00:00:26,902
Ethan! No...
10
00:00:26,903 --> 00:00:29,004
No, I got this.
11
00:00:29,005 --> 00:00:33,609
(PHONE RINGING)
12
00:00:38,782 --> 00:00:40,717
(GROANS)
13
00:00:40,718 --> 00:00:42,518
Hello?
14
00:00:42,519 --> 00:00:44,352
(BRADLEY) Hugh, it's Bradley
from Ethan Flaum's office.
15
00:00:44,353 --> 00:00:46,488
Sorry, force of habit.
It's Bradley, your agent.
16
00:00:46,489 --> 00:00:47,922
I have a meeting for you.
17
00:00:47,923 --> 00:00:51,494
It's a very big meeting,
this Wednesday at, uh...
18
00:00:51,495 --> 00:00:53,796
Let's see, where did
I write down the time?
19
00:00:53,797 --> 00:00:56,098
Uh, it doesn't matter, um, Bradley
20
00:00:56,099 --> 00:00:58,968
because I am in Austin, Texas.
21
00:00:58,969 --> 00:01:01,736
And I'm, uh, retired from
the entertainment industry.
22
00:01:01,737 --> 00:01:04,539
What if I told you that the
person wanting the meeting
23
00:01:04,540 --> 00:01:07,810
was Steven Spielberg?
24
00:01:07,811 --> 00:01:09,944
Then I would say
you're an idiot, Bradley.
25
00:01:09,945 --> 00:01:11,780
'Cause you are an idiot.
26
00:01:11,781 --> 00:01:14,750
And I'm sorry to use the word
idiot, but I don't know
27
00:01:14,751 --> 00:01:16,986
another word for you, Bradley.
28
00:01:16,987 --> 00:01:20,254
So, I'm sorry again
for using that word.
29
00:01:20,255 --> 00:01:21,824
Don't call me again ever, please.
30
00:01:22,509 --> 00:01:24,763
Subtitle sync and corrections by
awaqeded for www.addic7ed.com.
31
00:01:24,793 --> 00:01:29,232
You're coming with us.
32
00:01:31,567 --> 00:01:35,537
And why not you, little boner helper.
33
00:01:35,538 --> 00:01:37,239
(PHONE VIBRATING)
34
00:01:37,240 --> 00:01:41,979
Ah, United Way?
More like "United Go Away."
35
00:01:43,246 --> 00:01:45,146
(JEN) We're only a
half-hour away, so...
36
00:01:45,147 --> 00:01:47,116
don't hesitate to call for any reason.
37
00:01:47,117 --> 00:01:48,217
Okay.
38
00:01:48,218 --> 00:01:50,418
Hon, it's only one night.
39
00:01:50,419 --> 00:01:52,789
I think we unplug and
leave our phones at home.
40
00:01:52,790 --> 00:01:55,324
Uh, I can't leave my phone at
home, because we have children.
41
00:01:55,325 --> 00:01:57,558
Right, okay, well...
42
00:01:57,559 --> 00:02:00,295
I am gonna leave my phone at home.
43
00:02:00,296 --> 00:02:01,697
For the simple reason
44
00:02:01,698 --> 00:02:03,999
that this is a romantic staycation
45
00:02:04,000 --> 00:02:05,400
with my lovely wife
46
00:02:05,401 --> 00:02:08,004
paid for by the Newberry Cement Company.
(CHUCKLING)
47
00:02:08,005 --> 00:02:11,005
Are we good? We're all set?
48
00:02:11,006 --> 00:02:12,642
Let the romance begin, huh?
49
00:02:12,643 --> 00:02:14,676
Should I take my top off? (LAUGHS)
50
00:02:14,677 --> 00:02:17,947
(SINGING)
51
00:02:18,284 --> 00:02:19,384
_
52
00:02:20,350 --> 00:02:23,951
Yes... okay.
53
00:02:23,952 --> 00:02:26,656
(CELL PHONE VIBRATING)
54
00:02:30,994 --> 00:02:34,529
(CELL PHONE MELODY PLAYS)
55
00:02:34,530 --> 00:02:37,131
Oh, I'm so glad you called.
That was so boring.
56
00:02:37,132 --> 00:02:38,267
How was Lois this morning?
57
00:02:38,268 --> 00:02:39,868
Uh, still upset.
58
00:02:39,869 --> 00:02:44,202
She said she wants to sleep over
here tonight, just FYI.
59
00:02:44,203 --> 00:02:46,144
Well, maybe I can pick her up
from school and we can talk.
60
00:02:46,145 --> 00:02:48,813
Yeah, she'll be fine. How are you?
61
00:02:48,814 --> 00:02:50,281
What do you mean?
62
00:02:50,282 --> 00:02:53,016
Maybe swing by a news stand.
63
00:02:53,017 --> 00:02:54,884
(RACHEL) "Mark-Paul Gosselaar
surprised everyone when he arrived
64
00:02:54,885 --> 00:02:58,588
at the Independent Film Awards
with this Plain Jane.
65
00:02:58,589 --> 00:03:02,926
Short-statured, middle-aged
single mom, Rachel Ramras."
66
00:03:02,927 --> 00:03:04,761
- Rachel, no one reads that stuff.
- I read it!
67
00:03:04,762 --> 00:03:07,330
I have a subscription to
this! I love this magazine!
68
00:03:07,331 --> 00:03:09,933
If that were written about
anyone else I'd be eating it up.
69
00:03:09,934 --> 00:03:12,336
Rachel, you can't
listen to that stuff.
70
00:03:12,337 --> 00:03:15,372
"Is Mark-Paul ready to be
a stepdad?" It's garbage!
71
00:03:15,373 --> 00:03:16,773
It's the world we live in.
72
00:03:16,774 --> 00:03:19,043
It's not my world! It's your world!
73
00:03:19,044 --> 00:03:22,413
Do you know what comes up
when you Google Rachel Ramras?
74
00:03:22,414 --> 00:03:24,182
It used to be nothing.
75
00:03:24,183 --> 00:03:26,384
And now it's every unflattering photo
76
00:03:26,385 --> 00:03:28,320
you could take of a person.
77
00:03:29,788 --> 00:03:31,188
I'm kidding, okay,
you know what I'm gonna do?
78
00:03:31,189 --> 00:03:32,422
I'm gonna do you a favor.
79
00:03:32,423 --> 00:03:34,124
I'm going to turn off your phone.
80
00:03:34,125 --> 00:03:35,392
- No...
- Yes.
81
00:03:35,393 --> 00:03:37,728
It's just noise.
82
00:03:37,729 --> 00:03:39,296
You gotta block out the noise!
83
00:03:39,297 --> 00:03:42,432
You think a tiger loses sleep
over the opinion of sheep?
84
00:03:42,433 --> 00:03:46,636
- You are a tiger. You are.
- I am?
85
00:03:46,637 --> 00:03:48,872
(SNARLS, RACHEL LAUGHS)
86
00:03:48,873 --> 00:03:50,807
- Hey, Mark-Paul? Oh, sorry, guys.
- Hey.
87
00:03:50,808 --> 00:03:52,408
That's all right.
88
00:03:52,409 --> 00:03:53,576
We're gonna need you to come to stage.
89
00:03:53,577 --> 00:03:55,111
- We're rehearsing scene 12.
- Okay, yeah.
90
00:03:55,112 --> 00:03:57,747
Oh, hey, is it okay if I leave
work a little early today?
91
00:03:57,748 --> 00:03:59,384
- Of course, do whatever you want.
- Okay.
92
00:03:59,385 --> 00:04:02,253
I wanted to take Lois out
for a treat and maybe talk.
93
00:04:02,254 --> 00:04:04,555
Is she still mad at me?
94
00:04:04,556 --> 00:04:06,657
No! No-no-no.
95
00:04:06,658 --> 00:04:10,360
Hey, this is Rachel!
Sorry I missed you!
96
00:04:10,361 --> 00:04:12,062
Leave me a message! (BEEP)
97
00:04:12,063 --> 00:04:13,930
Hi, Rachel!
98
00:04:13,931 --> 00:04:16,399
I know, you're technically
Ethan's client.
99
00:04:16,400 --> 00:04:18,002
And I know you already have a job,
100
00:04:18,003 --> 00:04:21,238
but I have a really big meeting
for you, Hugh and Larry.
101
00:04:21,239 --> 00:04:22,740
It's Steven... (BEEP)
102
00:04:22,741 --> 00:04:25,408
If you are satisfied with your
message, press one.
103
00:04:25,409 --> 00:04:27,677
To erase and rerecord press two.
104
00:04:27,678 --> 00:04:28,680
(BEEP) Thank you, goodbye.
105
00:04:28,681 --> 00:04:30,881
God dammit!
106
00:04:30,882 --> 00:04:33,350
(DOOR CLOSES, LARRY GASPS)
107
00:04:33,351 --> 00:04:34,718
No way!
108
00:04:34,719 --> 00:04:36,019
Yes way.
109
00:04:36,020 --> 00:04:38,389
Larry, this is too much.
110
00:04:38,390 --> 00:04:40,091
Do you know the last time
we stayed in a hotel?
111
00:04:40,092 --> 00:04:43,192
It was three summers ago and
our air conditioning broke.
112
00:04:43,193 --> 00:04:46,797
And we had to stay in the Burbank
Holiday Inn with Jack and Elliot.
113
00:04:46,798 --> 00:04:49,266
- Yeah.
- Tonight...
114
00:04:49,267 --> 00:04:51,369
- My little...
- (CHUCKLES)
115
00:04:51,370 --> 00:04:53,937
- Beetle bug.
- (CHUCKLING)
116
00:04:53,938 --> 00:04:57,141
Is all about five star experiences.
117
00:04:57,142 --> 00:04:58,875
- (TINKLES THE KEYS)
- Ooh!
118
00:04:58,876 --> 00:05:02,112
- A five star room...
- (CHUCKLES)
119
00:05:02,113 --> 00:05:05,048
- Five star dinner...
- (PLAYS KEYS)
120
00:05:05,049 --> 00:05:09,218
By the way, tonight's five star
dinner will be in the room
121
00:05:09,219 --> 00:05:11,822
with butler service.
122
00:05:11,823 --> 00:05:14,959
This will all be followed up
with five star lovemaking.
123
00:05:14,960 --> 00:05:18,961
(PLAYS DRAMATIC MINOR CHORD)
124
00:05:18,962 --> 00:05:20,831
Buhp-buhp-buhp-buhp!
125
00:05:20,832 --> 00:05:23,466
I think we save it till after dinner.
126
00:05:23,467 --> 00:05:26,403
Build up... anticipation.
127
00:05:26,404 --> 00:05:28,406
It's always better if you wait.
128
00:05:28,407 --> 00:05:29,506
I read that in "Men's Health."
129
00:05:29,507 --> 00:05:31,507
(CHUCKLING) Are you sure?
130
00:05:31,508 --> 00:05:33,810
- You always get too tired after dinner.
- Not tonight.
131
00:05:33,811 --> 00:05:36,447
Tonight, I'll be having
coffee after dinner.
132
00:05:36,448 --> 00:05:37,682
Ooh...
133
00:05:37,683 --> 00:05:40,483
- Maybe even a little espresso.
- Hmm...
134
00:05:40,484 --> 00:05:43,286
So we can...
135
00:05:43,287 --> 00:05:47,023
Larry, please don't do...
Don't do that, don't.
136
00:05:47,024 --> 00:05:51,062
??
137
00:06:01,940 --> 00:06:04,208
I mean, you gotta be kidding me.
138
00:06:04,209 --> 00:06:08,946
? I've been in love honey you ?
139
00:06:08,947 --> 00:06:12,548
? Know it's true ?
140
00:06:12,549 --> 00:06:14,718
? Whoa since that day ?
141
00:06:14,719 --> 00:06:15,720
? I first laid ?
142
00:06:15,721 --> 00:06:20,223
? My eyes on ya ?
143
00:06:20,224 --> 00:06:22,125
? Love is a crazy game baby... ?
144
00:06:22,126 --> 00:06:23,793
Rachel?
145
00:06:23,794 --> 00:06:25,764
Hugh?
146
00:06:26,964 --> 00:06:29,165
Lizzie... Martinez.
147
00:06:29,166 --> 00:06:32,370
Oh, my... Lizzie!
148
00:06:32,371 --> 00:06:34,038
- Hey!
- Hi!
149
00:06:34,039 --> 00:06:37,540
Uh, Marisol, this is my friend Hugh.
150
00:06:37,541 --> 00:06:39,377
- Hi!
- He was my boyfriend in sixth grade.
151
00:06:39,378 --> 00:06:40,543
I was.
152
00:06:40,544 --> 00:06:42,413
Uh, I bet I look exactly the same.
153
00:06:42,414 --> 00:06:43,413
You look great.
154
00:06:43,414 --> 00:06:44,413
(BOTH CHUCKLE)
155
00:06:44,414 --> 00:06:45,516
Did you move to Austin?
156
00:06:45,517 --> 00:06:47,584
I... I don't know.
157
00:06:47,585 --> 00:06:48,886
Hey, well, what are you doing here?
158
00:06:48,887 --> 00:06:50,687
I don't know.
159
00:06:50,688 --> 00:06:53,423
I didn't realize I was
asking such hard questions.
160
00:06:53,424 --> 00:06:54,891
(CHUCKLING)
161
00:06:54,892 --> 00:06:57,060
Are you married? Do you have kids?
162
00:06:57,061 --> 00:06:58,596
Nope... no.
163
00:06:58,597 --> 00:07:00,764
Okay, we're getting somewhere.
164
00:07:00,765 --> 00:07:02,331
It's so crazy seeing you.
165
00:07:02,332 --> 00:07:04,334
It's been 1,000 years.
166
00:07:04,335 --> 00:07:05,670
- Yeah.
- Yeah.
167
00:07:05,671 --> 00:07:07,971
Well, what are you doing tonight?
168
00:07:07,972 --> 00:07:10,574
I was gonna make lasagna,
and it's just the two of us...
169
00:07:10,575 --> 00:07:12,408
Um, wow, I, uh...
170
00:07:12,409 --> 00:07:13,442
Why don't I give you my number?
171
00:07:13,443 --> 00:07:14,778
Do you have a phone?
172
00:07:14,779 --> 00:07:17,081
Uh... yeah, yeah, yeah, sure.
173
00:07:17,082 --> 00:07:19,949
- Course I have a phone...
- Okay, here.
174
00:07:19,950 --> 00:07:22,184
? But its been pain now
for so damn long ?
175
00:07:22,185 --> 00:07:24,855
- Okay.
- Ahh! Got it!
176
00:07:24,856 --> 00:07:26,456
Okay, great!
177
00:07:26,457 --> 00:07:28,891
- Okay.
- Okay, yeah, so good seeing you.
178
00:07:28,892 --> 00:07:31,163
Okay, bye. Bye!
179
00:07:33,231 --> 00:07:35,432
? 'Cause I been so lonely ?
180
00:07:35,433 --> 00:07:36,901
? Since you gone away ?
181
00:07:36,902 --> 00:07:40,905
??
182
00:07:40,906 --> 00:07:44,774
? Every day is pain ?
183
00:07:44,775 --> 00:07:49,780
? In the end it's hard to see ?
184
00:07:49,781 --> 00:07:52,749
? Every fateful day is oh ?
185
00:07:52,750 --> 00:07:55,151
? So sad... ?
186
00:07:55,152 --> 00:07:57,120
Uh, hey, uh, Lizzie?
187
00:07:57,121 --> 00:07:58,721
Actually, I have moved to Austin
188
00:07:58,722 --> 00:08:00,624
at least for the last two days.
189
00:08:00,625 --> 00:08:02,125
And I would love to have dinner
190
00:08:02,126 --> 00:08:04,394
with you and Marisol tonight.
191
00:08:04,395 --> 00:08:06,396
Text me and I'll send you my info.
192
00:08:06,397 --> 00:08:10,167
Okay, great, will do! Okay, see ya.
193
00:08:10,168 --> 00:08:12,771
? I need you so bad ??
194
00:08:16,754 --> 00:08:20,022
Hon, I think you're making too big
a deal over Eric's report card.
195
00:08:20,023 --> 00:08:21,490
He's only in the second grade.
196
00:08:21,491 --> 00:08:22,791
(WRITERS LAUGHING)
197
00:08:22,792 --> 00:08:25,994
Oh, really? Did you
get a D in second grade?
198
00:08:25,995 --> 00:08:28,531
Maybe D stands for �dynamite�?
199
00:08:28,532 --> 00:08:30,065
(LAUGHING)
200
00:08:30,066 --> 00:08:32,201
Hey, guys, can, uh, can we punch
up that last line a little bit?
201
00:08:32,202 --> 00:08:35,271
You can say, "Maybe D
stands for 'dy-no-mite!'"
202
00:08:35,272 --> 00:08:37,339
Like J.J. Walker on "Good Times."
203
00:08:37,340 --> 00:08:38,541
And then Jen could give you a look.
204
00:08:38,542 --> 00:08:41,044
And then you can say, "Or dynamite."
205
00:08:41,045 --> 00:08:42,545
(WRITERS LAUGHING)
206
00:08:42,546 --> 00:08:46,648
Uh, Jen asks if you got a D in
second grade, and you're, like,
207
00:08:46,649 --> 00:08:50,453
"No, but my dad got a DUI
taking me to second grade."
208
00:08:50,454 --> 00:08:52,088
(LAUGHING) I like that.
209
00:08:52,089 --> 00:08:54,223
Or maybe when Jen's, like, "Did
you get a D in second grade?"
210
00:08:54,224 --> 00:08:57,492
You're, like, um,
"Not the second time."
211
00:08:57,493 --> 00:09:00,162
(LAUGHS) That's funny,
that's clean, that's good.
212
00:09:00,163 --> 00:09:02,231
You know, I don't know
why I bother pitching.
213
00:09:02,232 --> 00:09:04,333
He's always gonna go with her idea.
214
00:09:04,334 --> 00:09:06,036
Guys, I'm so sorry, I have to run.
215
00:09:06,037 --> 00:09:07,804
I have to pick my
daughter up, I'm sorry.
216
00:09:07,805 --> 00:09:11,674
Damn, I wish I was Mark-Paul
Gosselaar's girlfriend.
217
00:09:11,675 --> 00:09:15,145
Get all my jokes in,
come and go whenever I want.
218
00:09:15,146 --> 00:09:16,945
(MARCUS) Hey, Mark-Paul Gosselaar,
I gotta go walk my dog.
219
00:09:16,946 --> 00:09:19,148
But we sleeping together so it's cool.
220
00:09:19,149 --> 00:09:22,050
I'm sorry, are you guys
even trying to whisper
221
00:09:22,051 --> 00:09:24,386
'cause I can hear
everything you're saying.
222
00:09:24,387 --> 00:09:25,988
I'm not trying to whisper.
223
00:09:25,989 --> 00:09:28,092
Yeah, ain't nobody over
here trying to whisper.
224
00:09:33,364 --> 00:09:34,863
Oh... Watch out.
225
00:09:34,864 --> 00:09:37,065
(LAUGHING)
226
00:09:37,066 --> 00:09:38,767
(LIZZIE CHUCKLES)
227
00:09:38,768 --> 00:09:40,837
So, what don't you like about L.A.?
228
00:09:40,838 --> 00:09:43,104
Oh, I like L.A. well enough.
229
00:09:43,105 --> 00:09:44,507
I think what I don't like
230
00:09:44,508 --> 00:09:47,709
is being old and unsuccessful in L.A.
231
00:09:47,710 --> 00:09:51,012
I think I would rather be old
and unsuccessful in Texas.
232
00:09:51,013 --> 00:09:54,584
- "Old and unsuccessful in Texas?"
- Mm-hmm.
233
00:09:54,585 --> 00:09:57,185
That should be your profile
on your dating app.
234
00:09:57,186 --> 00:09:58,787
I don't know that I'm there yet.
235
00:09:58,788 --> 00:10:00,122
A-ha.
236
00:10:00,123 --> 00:10:01,757
So you're getting over a broken heart.
237
00:10:01,758 --> 00:10:03,791
Ah, lemme guess.
238
00:10:03,792 --> 00:10:07,128
A tall, blonde, model.
239
00:10:07,129 --> 00:10:11,300
Actually, a short, brunette, writer.
240
00:10:11,301 --> 00:10:13,136
Hmm. Anyway, let us
241
00:10:13,137 --> 00:10:14,770
talk about you, uh...
242
00:10:14,771 --> 00:10:17,106
Last I remember you were a reporter
243
00:10:17,107 --> 00:10:18,940
for the school newspaper.
So, I assume by now,
244
00:10:18,941 --> 00:10:21,744
you've been made editor-in-chief.
245
00:10:21,745 --> 00:10:24,045
I'm a jewelry designer, mm-hmm.
246
00:10:24,046 --> 00:10:25,614
Oh, wow!
247
00:10:25,615 --> 00:10:27,382
You gotta make me one of those.
248
00:10:27,383 --> 00:10:30,051
I'll make you one if you tell
me more about this woman.
249
00:10:30,052 --> 00:10:31,353
Why doesn't she love you?
250
00:10:31,354 --> 00:10:32,722
Everyone loves Hugh.
251
00:10:32,723 --> 00:10:34,656
(MARISOL) Mom, I'm starving!
252
00:10:34,657 --> 00:10:36,392
You don't feed her?
253
00:10:36,393 --> 00:10:39,563
Lizzie! Stop making jewelry for five
seconds and feed your daughter.
254
00:10:43,233 --> 00:10:44,334
Is it yummy?
255
00:10:47,271 --> 00:10:50,506
You know, I bet if you wanted to sneak
a little more they won't notice.
256
00:10:50,507 --> 00:10:52,108
You want me to steal?
257
00:10:53,976 --> 00:10:55,511
(CLEARS THROAT)
258
00:10:55,512 --> 00:10:58,481
So... how's Miss Lois?
259
00:10:58,482 --> 00:10:59,982
I don't like Mark-Paul, Mom.
260
00:10:59,983 --> 00:11:01,916
And you shouldn't be
bribing me with food.
261
00:11:01,917 --> 00:11:03,919
I'm not bribing you with food.
262
00:11:03,920 --> 00:11:06,589
I just thought you
deserved a little treat.
263
00:11:06,590 --> 00:11:09,258
Shouldn't I go home so
I can get my homework done?
264
00:11:09,259 --> 00:11:12,095
No, you're in third grade.
Your homework doesn't matter.
265
00:11:14,631 --> 00:11:17,833
Honey, I'm on your side. Okay? I am.
266
00:11:17,834 --> 00:11:20,103
I know how much that must
have hurt your feelings
267
00:11:20,104 --> 00:11:21,536
when Mark-Paul didn't thank you.
268
00:11:21,537 --> 00:11:24,507
And I'm not making excuses
for him, okay, I'm not.
269
00:11:24,508 --> 00:11:26,943
It's just... he's new to this and...
270
00:11:26,944 --> 00:11:29,113
And I'll never like him, ever.
271
00:11:30,947 --> 00:11:33,248
Babe, what is it about
Mark-Paul that you don't like
272
00:11:33,249 --> 00:11:35,050
besides what happened the other night?
273
00:11:35,051 --> 00:11:37,954
He's not as good as Hugh.
274
00:11:40,023 --> 00:11:41,925
(CELL PHONE PLAYS)
275
00:11:44,460 --> 00:11:46,095
(MUSIC STOPS)
276
00:11:47,297 --> 00:11:50,935
All, right, Bradley,
it's time for Plan B.
277
00:11:52,335 --> 00:11:55,672
I have no idea what Plan B is.
278
00:11:58,646 --> 00:12:01,146
For appetizer course,
279
00:12:01,147 --> 00:12:03,282
crab deviled eggs
280
00:12:03,283 --> 00:12:04,683
and the oysters on the half shell.
281
00:12:04,684 --> 00:12:06,019
(LAUGHS) I don't need both.
282
00:12:06,020 --> 00:12:08,420
Oh, we need both. (CHUCKLING)
283
00:12:08,421 --> 00:12:10,722
Moving into the mains...
284
00:12:10,723 --> 00:12:12,991
We'll do the Fiorentina dry aged
285
00:12:12,992 --> 00:12:15,160
40-ounce Porterhouse for two.
286
00:12:15,161 --> 00:12:16,961
(CHUCKLES)
287
00:12:16,962 --> 00:12:17,963
You get three sides...
288
00:12:17,964 --> 00:12:18,963
No, I don't need any sides.
289
00:12:18,964 --> 00:12:21,433
What is Funghi Misti?
290
00:12:21,434 --> 00:12:23,269
You know what, just bring it.
291
00:12:23,270 --> 00:12:24,269
I don't care what it is.
292
00:12:24,270 --> 00:12:25,771
(CHUCKLING)
293
00:12:25,772 --> 00:12:28,808
Let's also get into
the creamed spinach.
294
00:12:28,809 --> 00:12:31,177
And the creamy polenta.
295
00:12:31,178 --> 00:12:32,644
That's a lot of cream.
296
00:12:32,645 --> 00:12:34,081
The more cream the better.
297
00:12:35,649 --> 00:12:39,918
Now let's talk liquor. Oh.
298
00:12:39,919 --> 00:12:43,021
We're gonna do a bottle of
this guy right down there.
299
00:12:43,022 --> 00:12:45,490
Larry, that's a $250 bottle.
300
00:12:45,491 --> 00:12:46,625
You're not worth it?
301
00:12:46,626 --> 00:12:47,793
She thinks she's not worth it.
302
00:12:47,794 --> 00:12:49,528
This is my wife, my beautiful wife.
303
00:12:49,529 --> 00:12:52,264
I'm gonna make love to her tonight.
Larry!
304
00:12:52,265 --> 00:12:54,967
We're definitely gonna
need a volcano cake.
305
00:12:54,968 --> 00:12:58,271
Chocolate's an aphrodisiac.
I read that in "Men's Health."
306
00:13:00,173 --> 00:13:03,042
She still wants to sleep
at Michael and Ethan's.
307
00:13:03,043 --> 00:13:05,678
Huh, well, if we don't have Lois
308
00:13:05,679 --> 00:13:07,013
then we should go to dinner.
309
00:13:07,014 --> 00:13:08,713
I wanna hit that new sushi
spot in Los Feliz.
310
00:13:08,714 --> 00:13:11,283
I'm not going to dinner.
311
00:13:11,284 --> 00:13:13,952
We need to talk. Uh-the magazine?
312
00:13:13,953 --> 00:13:15,888
Come on, you really ought
to let that stuff go.
313
00:13:15,889 --> 00:13:18,290
I don't care about the magazine.
314
00:13:18,291 --> 00:13:20,125
It's about Lois.
315
00:13:20,126 --> 00:13:21,693
I'm sorry I didn't
say thank you to her.
316
00:13:21,694 --> 00:13:23,663
I feel awful, I do.
317
00:13:23,664 --> 00:13:25,798
I tried to apologize.
She wouldn't let me.
318
00:13:25,799 --> 00:13:27,533
No, it's more than that.
319
00:13:27,534 --> 00:13:28,634
She doesn't like me.
320
00:13:30,004 --> 00:13:33,072
Um... I would love for you
to disagree with that.
321
00:13:33,073 --> 00:13:34,340
I can't, she doesn't like you.
322
00:13:34,341 --> 00:13:35,908
Oh, my God.
323
00:13:35,909 --> 00:13:38,476
What more am I supposed to do?
324
00:13:38,477 --> 00:13:40,380
Do I need to buy her a pony?
325
00:13:40,381 --> 00:13:42,181
Should I put a jumpy
castle in the back yard?
326
00:13:42,182 --> 00:13:43,216
No!
327
00:13:43,217 --> 00:13:45,384
Then what do I need to do?!
328
00:13:45,385 --> 00:13:47,888
You don't need to do
anything, okay? I do!
329
00:13:53,492 --> 00:13:56,764
God, I wish there
was wine in this house.
330
00:14:01,267 --> 00:14:03,670
I've had a crush on you
since the eighth grade.
331
00:14:05,438 --> 00:14:08,540
I had a poster of you in my bedroom.
332
00:14:08,541 --> 00:14:11,811
And now I live with you,
in this fairy tale
333
00:14:11,812 --> 00:14:14,880
where I finally
get to be the princess.
334
00:14:14,881 --> 00:14:18,750
But the thing is,
I already have a princess.
335
00:14:18,751 --> 00:14:21,221
And she's asleep right
now at her dad's
336
00:14:21,222 --> 00:14:23,088
'cause she doesn't want to be here.
337
00:14:23,089 --> 00:14:25,957
Do you want to be here?
338
00:14:25,958 --> 00:14:29,062
Not without her.
339
00:14:31,097 --> 00:14:33,032
(STOMACH GURGLING)
340
00:14:33,033 --> 00:14:35,734
(JEN) I'll be out in a minute.
341
00:14:35,735 --> 00:14:38,770
Excellent!
342
00:14:38,771 --> 00:14:41,372
What's the lighting
situation like out there?
343
00:14:41,373 --> 00:14:43,742
Oh, let me get that going.
344
00:14:43,743 --> 00:14:45,378
(CHUCKLING)
345
00:14:47,481 --> 00:14:49,216
Oh! (FLATULENCE)
346
00:14:52,052 --> 00:14:54,088
(FLATULENCE)
347
00:15:02,129 --> 00:15:03,731
(FLATULENCE)
348
00:15:05,298 --> 00:15:08,299
So, what do you want?
349
00:15:08,300 --> 00:15:09,903
Why does every woman ask me that?
350
00:15:09,904 --> 00:15:11,484
Why do you find it so hard to answer?
351
00:15:12,939 --> 00:15:15,407
Okay, uh...
352
00:15:15,408 --> 00:15:17,174
I wanna be a writer.
353
00:15:17,175 --> 00:15:19,745
And I want to Rachel.
354
00:15:19,746 --> 00:15:21,746
And it doesn't look like
355
00:15:21,747 --> 00:15:24,015
I'm gonna get either
of those two things.
356
00:15:24,016 --> 00:15:27,586
So, in the words
of the Rolling Stones,
357
00:15:27,587 --> 00:15:29,423
"You can't always get what you want."
358
00:15:30,756 --> 00:15:33,359
I don't want to sound like one
of those "you're exactly
359
00:15:33,360 --> 00:15:37,429
where you're supposed to be"
people but... I believe it.
360
00:15:37,430 --> 00:15:39,365
And then I think the
universe or whatever
361
00:15:39,366 --> 00:15:42,100
you want to call it,
puts little signs out.
362
00:15:42,101 --> 00:15:44,970
Some big, some small.
363
00:15:44,971 --> 00:15:48,841
Some hard to see...
364
00:15:48,842 --> 00:15:50,977
Some right in front of you.
365
00:15:53,980 --> 00:15:55,716
Just keep your eyes open.
366
00:15:57,482 --> 00:16:00,019
(MARISOL) Mom?
367
00:16:00,020 --> 00:16:02,990
Ahh, now your eyes
are supposed to be shut.
368
00:16:05,225 --> 00:16:07,659
Come on, baby, back to bed.
369
00:16:07,660 --> 00:16:10,329
'Night, Marisol! 'Night!
370
00:16:16,002 --> 00:16:19,173
"Cooper, at his home in Phoenix."
371
00:16:23,510 --> 00:16:26,013
Rachel's from Phoenix.
372
00:16:28,881 --> 00:16:31,584
This is Rachel's mom's painting.
373
00:16:34,487 --> 00:16:36,721
Uh, Lizzie?
374
00:16:36,722 --> 00:16:38,023
What's going on?
375
00:16:38,024 --> 00:16:40,525
May I borrow this book?
376
00:16:40,526 --> 00:16:42,527
Sure, why?
377
00:16:42,528 --> 00:16:45,997
I just got a huge sign...
378
00:16:45,998 --> 00:16:48,601
from Alice Cooper.
379
00:16:48,602 --> 00:16:51,135
Hey, honey?
380
00:16:51,136 --> 00:16:53,105
Do you think you're gonna
be out of the bathroom soon?
381
00:16:53,106 --> 00:16:54,774
Just one more minute.
382
00:16:54,775 --> 00:16:56,042
(PLAYFUL LAUGH)
383
00:16:56,043 --> 00:16:57,609
Okay, if you can hurry up,
that'd be great.
384
00:16:57,610 --> 00:17:00,513
Ooh, somebody's a little frisky.
385
00:17:00,514 --> 00:17:03,114
(CHUCKLING)
386
00:17:03,115 --> 00:17:05,450
(SPLAT) Oh!
387
00:17:05,451 --> 00:17:06,953
(WHIMPERING)
388
00:17:08,755 --> 00:17:11,591
Oh, God.
389
00:17:11,592 --> 00:17:13,524
Hello, Mr. Dorf.
390
00:17:13,525 --> 00:17:15,561
I'm ready to be Dorfed
391
00:17:15,562 --> 00:17:18,630
with that big "dorf" of yours.
392
00:17:18,631 --> 00:17:20,432
Wait! What?
393
00:17:20,433 --> 00:17:22,234
Don't come in here. Larry!
394
00:17:22,235 --> 00:17:24,136
Something happened. What is it?
395
00:17:24,137 --> 00:17:25,638
It's the worst thing in the world.
396
00:17:25,639 --> 00:17:27,139
And it's gonna happen again!
397
00:17:27,140 --> 00:17:28,873
What are you talking about?
398
00:17:28,874 --> 00:17:30,042
Ohh! (FLATULENCE)
399
00:17:30,043 --> 00:17:31,310
Ooh!
400
00:17:31,311 --> 00:17:33,978
(FLATULENCE CONTINUES) Ooh!
401
00:17:33,979 --> 00:17:37,049
Oh! (LARRY STRAINING)
402
00:17:37,050 --> 00:17:38,519
I don't know what to do!
403
00:17:41,554 --> 00:17:42,654
(SLURPING)
404
00:17:44,257 --> 00:17:47,092
Morning. (DOOR OPENS)
405
00:17:47,093 --> 00:17:50,863
Well, I dropped Lois off at school
406
00:17:50,864 --> 00:17:53,566
so my day's done.
407
00:17:53,567 --> 00:17:54,700
Um... (SIGHS)
408
00:17:54,701 --> 00:17:56,570
Did Rachel spend the night here?
409
00:17:56,571 --> 00:17:57,903
It's a long story.
410
00:17:57,904 --> 00:18:00,340
Well, I hope it doesn't end
with her moving back in.
411
00:18:01,542 --> 00:18:04,009
Good morning. Hey.
412
00:18:04,010 --> 00:18:05,110
Hi. Hi.
413
00:18:12,387 --> 00:18:15,255
(MOUTHING QUIETLY) Michael.
414
00:18:15,256 --> 00:18:17,025
(MOUTHING) Michael.
415
00:18:20,294 --> 00:18:24,531
(MOUTHING/GESTURING) Did
Rachel and Mark-Paul break up?
416
00:18:24,532 --> 00:18:25,531
(SILENTLY)
417
00:18:25,532 --> 00:18:26,799
Oh, oh, my God.
418
00:18:26,800 --> 00:18:30,270
Rachel, did you and
Mark-Paul break up?
419
00:18:30,271 --> 00:18:33,573
Um... I don't know.
420
00:18:33,574 --> 00:18:38,177
Oh, um, so, are you thinking
about moving out of his place?
421
00:18:38,178 --> 00:18:39,344
I don't know.
422
00:18:39,345 --> 00:18:41,680
Because I would be more than happy
423
00:18:41,681 --> 00:18:44,884
to pay first and last month's
rent and security deposit
424
00:18:44,885 --> 00:18:48,889
for any place that you wanna
move into that just isn't here.
425
00:18:52,227 --> 00:18:53,826
Have you spoken to
him yet this morning?
426
00:18:53,827 --> 00:18:56,830
- He texted me.
- Yeah?
427
00:18:56,831 --> 00:19:01,100
- "Maybe we drive sep this morning."
- Hmm.
428
00:19:01,101 --> 00:19:02,835
I think I hurt his
feelings last night.
429
00:19:02,836 --> 00:19:04,337
I mean, I know I did.
430
00:19:04,338 --> 00:19:06,840
Called him a narcissist.
431
00:19:06,841 --> 00:19:08,507
And an asshole.
432
00:19:08,508 --> 00:19:10,843
Okay. But you know what he said?
433
00:19:10,844 --> 00:19:12,411
He said, "I can't
believe you're leaving
434
00:19:12,412 --> 00:19:15,482
all because I forgot to
thank a six-year-old girl."
435
00:19:15,483 --> 00:19:16,949
Six?! Six!
436
00:19:16,950 --> 00:19:19,518
I mean, he doesn't even
know how old she is!
437
00:19:19,519 --> 00:19:21,620
I mean, I get it!
I have baggage, but...
438
00:19:21,621 --> 00:19:23,156
Oh, yeah, uh, tons.
439
00:19:23,157 --> 00:19:25,190
Hey, we both have baggage.
440
00:19:25,191 --> 00:19:28,261
And that baggage is an
eight-year-old girl named Lois
441
00:19:28,262 --> 00:19:30,831
who is a beautiful, smart, funny,
442
00:19:30,832 --> 00:19:33,833
one-of-a-kind Hermes Birkin Bag.
443
00:19:33,834 --> 00:19:36,535
And the type of person who
doesn't appreciate a Birkin
444
00:19:36,536 --> 00:19:39,872
can march their trashy ass
down to the outlet malls.
445
00:19:39,873 --> 00:19:41,541
Because in this family, you want in?
446
00:19:41,542 --> 00:19:43,276
Well, we're strictly Bergdorf's,
447
00:19:43,277 --> 00:19:45,311
Barney's and Bendel's, bitches!
448
00:19:45,312 --> 00:19:48,514
Whoo! I have worked myself up.
449
00:19:48,515 --> 00:19:50,135
My day's not over. I'm going shopping.
450
00:19:52,987 --> 00:19:54,388
Hmm.
451
00:19:57,992 --> 00:20:01,060
What? 99 out of 100 people
452
00:20:01,061 --> 00:20:03,298
thought this bitch wore it better?
453
00:20:07,467 --> 00:20:10,870
So, is that the five star
experience you were looking for?
454
00:20:10,871 --> 00:20:12,871
Fortunately, as the mother of twins,
455
00:20:12,872 --> 00:20:15,841
I'm used to loved ones
being covered in poop.
456
00:20:15,842 --> 00:20:17,576
And I love you. Hmm...
457
00:20:17,577 --> 00:20:19,145
I love our five star life.
458
00:20:19,146 --> 00:20:20,746
Aww...
459
00:20:20,747 --> 00:20:22,748
Mmm... mwah.
460
00:20:22,749 --> 00:20:24,351
Bradley? Larry!
461
00:20:24,352 --> 00:20:26,285
You are never gonna guess
who's a giant fan
462
00:20:26,286 --> 00:20:29,488
of you, Hugh and Rachel and
wants to meet today at 4:00 p.m.
463
00:20:29,489 --> 00:20:31,024
Steven Spielberg!
464
00:20:31,025 --> 00:20:33,528
The director of "Star Wars?"
465
00:20:36,730 --> 00:20:40,099
(PHONE RINGING)
466
00:20:40,100 --> 00:20:41,833
Hey.
467
00:20:41,834 --> 00:20:43,136
Please tell me
you're not still in Texas.
468
00:20:43,137 --> 00:20:44,638
Not for long.
469
00:20:44,639 --> 00:20:47,939
I have just boarded an airplane.
Great, this can work.
470
00:20:47,940 --> 00:20:51,244
We've a meeting today at 4:00
with Steven Spielberg.
471
00:20:51,245 --> 00:20:53,780
Larry, there's no
Steven Spielberg meeting.
472
00:20:53,781 --> 00:20:55,114
Bradley's an idiot
and you're an idiot.
473
00:20:55,115 --> 00:20:56,349
I know what this is.
474
00:20:56,350 --> 00:20:58,685
You're still traumatized
from the nightmare
475
00:20:58,686 --> 00:21:00,454
of working in this terrible industry
476
00:21:00,455 --> 00:21:03,023
with monsters like Melissa McCarthy.
477
00:21:03,024 --> 00:21:06,258
Well, this is not a nightmare.
This is a dream!
478
00:21:06,259 --> 00:21:09,062
Well, I hate to break it to you
but I'm on my way to Phoenix.
479
00:21:09,063 --> 00:21:10,563
Why are you going to Phoenix?!
480
00:21:10,564 --> 00:21:12,366
I'm going to see Alice Cooper.
481
00:21:12,367 --> 00:21:13,735
What?!
482
00:21:14,711 --> 00:21:20,483
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483
00:21:21,178 --> 00:21:23,808
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484
00:21:23,858 --> 00:21:28,408
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