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1
00:00:00,579 --> 00:00:03,515
Mr. and Mrs. Dorf, thank you
for coming in before school.
2
00:00:03,516 --> 00:00:06,318
I just wanted to talk a little
bit about Elliot's behavior.
3
00:00:06,319 --> 00:00:07,719
When you say "a little bit",
do you mean that this
4
00:00:07,720 --> 00:00:09,187
is not gonna be a long meeting?
5
00:00:09,188 --> 00:00:10,889
Just 'cause I do have to get to work.
6
00:00:10,890 --> 00:00:12,557
Oh, that's right. Because you care
7
00:00:12,558 --> 00:00:14,492
about your TV show more than our son.
8
00:00:14,493 --> 00:00:16,094
- Uh, no, actu...
- You know what?
9
00:00:16,095 --> 00:00:17,796
Maybe the reason the reason
Elliot's having problems
10
00:00:17,797 --> 00:00:20,398
is because he saw you hugging
another woman, Larry.
11
00:00:20,399 --> 00:00:22,567
Nope. As I told you many times, Jen,
12
00:00:22,568 --> 00:00:25,637
the reason I was hugging her
is because she just got fired.
13
00:00:25,638 --> 00:00:28,005
It was not because I have
romantic feelings for her.
14
00:00:29,442 --> 00:00:30,975
Rachel Harris,
that's who we're talking about.
15
00:00:30,976 --> 00:00:33,345
Oh, yes. She's beautiful.
The glasses, yeah.
16
00:00:33,346 --> 00:00:34,946
Yeah, she has glasses.
17
00:00:34,947 --> 00:00:36,981
She was in my pilot.
18
00:00:36,982 --> 00:00:38,683
- It was for CBS.
- Mmm.
19
00:00:38,684 --> 00:00:40,585
It's, um, it's called
"Open Dorf Policy."
20
00:00:40,586 --> 00:00:41,953
I'm the creator of it.
21
00:00:41,954 --> 00:00:43,388
- Wow.
- We're actually shooting
22
00:00:43,389 --> 00:00:45,457
the pilot tonight, it's a big deal...
23
00:00:45,458 --> 00:00:48,193
Are you done jerking off
on Mr. Chakravarty, Larry?
24
00:00:48,194 --> 00:00:50,662
I'm not jerking off
on Mr. Chakravarty.
25
00:00:50,663 --> 00:00:54,366
No. No. No one should be
jerking off on me.
26
00:00:54,367 --> 00:00:56,434
We should be talking about Elliot.
27
00:00:56,435 --> 00:00:58,970
He's been doing a lot
of very inappropriate,
28
00:00:58,971 --> 00:01:01,072
- very offensive name calling.
- (PHONE BEEPS)
29
00:01:01,073 --> 00:01:02,240
I'm sorry, I do have to check this.
30
00:01:02,241 --> 00:01:03,674
It might be work.
31
00:01:04,877 --> 00:01:07,879
Nope. Just flight deals to Newark.
32
00:01:07,880 --> 00:01:09,748
You know what, Larry?
Why don't you just go
33
00:01:09,749 --> 00:01:11,616
film your pilot
because that's obviously
34
00:01:11,617 --> 00:01:13,718
- all that matters to you.
- She doesn't get it!
35
00:01:13,719 --> 00:01:15,053
(JEN) What don't I get?
36
00:01:15,054 --> 00:01:17,155
You are all that matters.
37
00:01:17,156 --> 00:01:19,391
If tonight somehow goes well,
38
00:01:19,392 --> 00:01:21,126
I'm gonna finally get everything
39
00:01:21,127 --> 00:01:23,094
that I've been working so hard for.
40
00:01:23,095 --> 00:01:25,764
I'm gonna finally be successful.
41
00:01:25,765 --> 00:01:27,599
I'm gonna finally be a somebody.
42
00:01:27,600 --> 00:01:29,601
And that somebody
is gonna finally be able
43
00:01:29,602 --> 00:01:31,436
to provide for his family.
44
00:01:31,437 --> 00:01:32,937
And none of that is gonna matter
45
00:01:32,938 --> 00:01:34,938
because I won't have you.
46
00:01:36,409 --> 00:01:38,575
That is sweet.
47
00:01:41,614 --> 00:01:43,715
Is that all
you're eating for breakfast?
48
00:01:43,716 --> 00:01:45,683
Yep. You think you're being healthy,
49
00:01:45,684 --> 00:01:47,118
but in two hours,
you're gonna be starving
50
00:01:47,119 --> 00:01:48,853
and you're gonna make bad choices.
51
00:01:48,854 --> 00:01:50,588
Says the woman
who married a man she met
52
00:01:50,589 --> 00:01:53,358
at musical theater camp.
53
00:01:53,359 --> 00:01:54,926
Tonight's the big tape night!
54
00:01:54,927 --> 00:01:56,761
I know. I'm so excited.
55
00:01:56,762 --> 00:01:59,164
Tonight, tonight,
won't just be any night.
56
00:01:59,165 --> 00:02:00,632
Remember that from "West Side Story"?
57
00:02:00,633 --> 00:02:02,634
- Yep.
- From musical theater camp.
58
00:02:02,635 --> 00:02:03,935
Yep.
59
00:02:03,936 --> 00:02:05,770
- Where you had your first kiss.
- Okay.
60
00:02:05,771 --> 00:02:07,772
- With me.
- Oh, we get it.
61
00:02:07,773 --> 00:02:09,540
Lois, you're gonna be late for school.
62
00:02:12,778 --> 00:02:15,213
- I'm nervous about tonight.
- Why?
63
00:02:15,214 --> 00:02:17,715
What if Hugh forgets his lines?
64
00:02:17,716 --> 00:02:19,717
Hugh's not gonna forget his lines.
65
00:02:19,718 --> 00:02:21,820
And Mark-Paul's
not gonna forget his lines.
66
00:02:21,821 --> 00:02:23,987
I wasn't thinking about Mark-Paul.
67
00:02:25,090 --> 00:02:27,091
Well, everyone's gonna be great.
68
00:02:27,092 --> 00:02:29,060
Okay? Give me a kiss.
69
00:02:29,061 --> 00:02:30,995
- Love you.
- I love you.
70
00:02:30,996 --> 00:02:32,797
Love you, Moddy.
71
00:02:32,798 --> 00:02:34,265
(ETHAN) I love you more.
72
00:02:34,266 --> 00:02:37,168
- No, I love you more.
- Impossible.
73
00:02:37,169 --> 00:02:39,838
Let's go to school, monkey monkey.
74
00:02:39,839 --> 00:02:43,174
- Hey, remember this?
- Yep.
75
00:02:43,175 --> 00:02:45,115
- She could never hold that.
- You know, I bet.
76
00:02:46,312 --> 00:02:48,613
- Can I ask you a question?
- Is it about your hair?
77
00:02:48,614 --> 00:02:50,415
What? No.
78
00:02:50,416 --> 00:02:52,617
Okay, well, let me know
if you want my opinion.
79
00:02:52,618 --> 00:02:54,385
Did you and Lois always
get along so well?
80
00:02:54,386 --> 00:02:56,721
Like, when you and Michael
first started dating?
81
00:02:56,722 --> 00:02:59,123
Oh, Mark-Paul.
82
00:02:59,124 --> 00:03:01,392
Yeah, she's a little cool
to him, isn't she?
83
00:03:01,393 --> 00:03:03,895
I'm sure it just takes time, right?
84
00:03:03,896 --> 00:03:06,164
Well, what's she like when
it's just the three of you?
85
00:03:06,165 --> 00:03:07,966
I don't know that it's ever
just been the three of us.
86
00:03:07,967 --> 00:03:09,266
Maybe that's your answer.
87
00:03:10,803 --> 00:03:13,171
Okay, if you're not gonna ask,
I'm just gonna tell you.
88
00:03:13,172 --> 00:03:15,507
It's shapeless, so whether
it's highlights or layers,
89
00:03:15,508 --> 00:03:16,908
I don't know,
but you gotta do something
90
00:03:16,909 --> 00:03:19,010
because everybody's laughing
at you behind your back.
91
00:03:19,011 --> 00:03:20,645
Enjoy your day.
92
00:03:20,646 --> 00:03:23,780
??
93
00:03:25,351 --> 00:03:26,684
"Trapped."
94
00:03:26,685 --> 00:03:28,786
What? No, I'm fine.
95
00:03:28,787 --> 00:03:32,289
What? No! "Trapped."
96
00:03:34,059 --> 00:03:36,561
- Ahh...
- 45 points.
97
00:03:36,562 --> 00:03:38,963
- Okay.
- Your turn.
98
00:03:38,964 --> 00:03:40,965
I think you got me beat here.
99
00:03:40,966 --> 00:03:44,502
Um, and I better get,
I better get going to work.
100
00:03:44,503 --> 00:03:47,405
I thought your call time
wasn't until, like, 1:00.
101
00:03:47,406 --> 00:03:49,207
It's only 9:20.
102
00:03:49,208 --> 00:03:51,209
Right, I guess...
103
00:03:51,210 --> 00:03:53,244
I guess we got
a couple more hours then.
104
00:03:53,245 --> 00:03:55,914
Hey, I had an idea.
105
00:03:55,915 --> 00:03:57,682
Um...
106
00:03:57,683 --> 00:04:01,019
Obviously,
since I'm not doing anything
107
00:04:01,020 --> 00:04:05,189
and, um, after tonight,
you won't be doing anything
108
00:04:05,190 --> 00:04:08,059
until you hear if the show's
picked up,
109
00:04:08,060 --> 00:04:10,827
what if we worked on
something together?
110
00:04:12,364 --> 00:04:13,531
What?
111
00:04:13,532 --> 00:04:15,800
I mean, I'm a producer.
I have a million ideas.
112
00:04:15,801 --> 00:04:18,870
You're a writer. I mean,
we could do it together.
113
00:04:18,871 --> 00:04:22,507
I mean, who says you only have
to work with Larry and Rachel?
114
00:04:22,508 --> 00:04:23,808
Uh...
115
00:04:23,809 --> 00:04:26,811
Yeah, I mean, it could be
a romantic comedy?
116
00:04:26,812 --> 00:04:30,014
I mean, this is kind of romantic.
117
00:04:30,015 --> 00:04:32,216
- What?
- Our lives.
118
00:04:32,217 --> 00:04:34,385
Right now, you taking care of me.
119
00:04:34,386 --> 00:04:36,054
I mean...
120
00:04:36,055 --> 00:04:39,390
- A, a princess...
- Uh-huh.
121
00:04:39,391 --> 00:04:43,828
Falls off her horse, and realizes that
122
00:04:43,829 --> 00:04:45,530
her Prince Charming
123
00:04:45,531 --> 00:04:49,033
was the handsome stable boy all along.
124
00:04:49,034 --> 00:04:50,535
(WHISPERS) That's you.
125
00:04:50,536 --> 00:04:52,503
(LAUGHING)
126
00:04:52,504 --> 00:04:55,039
Yeah, let me think about it.
127
00:04:55,040 --> 00:04:58,009
Um...
128
00:04:58,010 --> 00:05:00,345
I'm gonna, I'm gonna grab
some more coffee.
129
00:05:00,346 --> 00:05:03,748
And... and I'll, I'll be thinking.
130
00:05:03,749 --> 00:05:05,882
??
131
00:05:18,998 --> 00:05:20,863
(MUFFLED SCREAMING)
132
00:05:20,864 --> 00:05:24,470
Subtitle sync and corrections by
awaqeded for www.addic7ed.com.
133
00:05:27,206 --> 00:05:28,573
- Hi!
- Hey!
134
00:05:28,574 --> 00:05:30,108
God damn, you just open the door?
135
00:05:30,109 --> 00:05:31,309
What're you, animals?
136
00:05:31,310 --> 00:05:34,145
He's nervous.
It's coming across as mean.
137
00:05:34,146 --> 00:05:36,581
- I am not nervous.
- Well, you should be nervous.
138
00:05:36,582 --> 00:05:38,383
I'm very nervous.
139
00:05:38,384 --> 00:05:41,152
I mean, this is the biggest
deal, professionally,
140
00:05:41,153 --> 00:05:42,920
the three of us have ever had.
141
00:05:42,921 --> 00:05:44,288
We should have a drink.
142
00:05:44,289 --> 00:05:46,557
- What is that?
- It's a can of wine.
143
00:05:46,558 --> 00:05:48,493
You keep wine in your purse?
144
00:05:48,494 --> 00:05:51,295
Well, I have to sneak it
'cause of Mark-Paul.
145
00:05:51,296 --> 00:05:53,096
That's a good relationship.
146
00:05:55,834 --> 00:05:58,503
- For the actor.
- Thank you.
147
00:05:58,504 --> 00:06:01,072
- The creator.
- Mmm.
148
00:06:01,073 --> 00:06:02,774
And the writer.
149
00:06:02,775 --> 00:06:03,975
- Before we drink.
- Oh.
150
00:06:03,976 --> 00:06:07,311
Let me make a toast.
To the Larry Dorf show.
151
00:06:07,312 --> 00:06:09,113
I know it's not exactly
as we envisioned it,
152
00:06:09,114 --> 00:06:11,382
but I still think it's
a hell of an accomplishment.
153
00:06:11,383 --> 00:06:13,818
And though I'm loathe to admit it,
154
00:06:13,819 --> 00:06:16,954
and I like to pretend I'm above
this kind of bullshit,
155
00:06:16,955 --> 00:06:21,325
secretly, I am so very,
very, very, very, very excited
156
00:06:21,326 --> 00:06:23,227
to be acting on a TV show.
157
00:06:23,228 --> 00:06:26,097
And it wouldn't be happening
without the two of you.
158
00:06:26,098 --> 00:06:27,765
Cheers. You've changed.
159
00:06:27,766 --> 00:06:29,701
(CHUCKLING)
160
00:06:29,702 --> 00:06:31,636
Wow, that's hot.
161
00:06:31,637 --> 00:06:33,337
Well, I have to keep it in
the trunk of my car
162
00:06:33,338 --> 00:06:35,005
in case Mark-Paul
goes through my purse.
163
00:06:36,475 --> 00:06:38,209
Sorry, um, Cedric the Entertainer
164
00:06:38,210 --> 00:06:40,043
has a question about the script.
165
00:06:41,280 --> 00:06:42,914
(CEDRIC) Come in.
166
00:06:42,915 --> 00:06:46,017
Mr. Entertainer, you wanted to see us?
167
00:06:46,018 --> 00:06:47,785
You know, I thought I was gonna
be talking to that, uh,
168
00:06:47,786 --> 00:06:49,253
the guy Dave, the showrunner.
169
00:06:49,254 --> 00:06:51,656
Oh, uh, Dave, uh, was let go.
170
00:06:51,657 --> 00:06:54,592
Um, he lost some personal items
belonging to Melissa McCarthy
171
00:06:54,593 --> 00:06:57,028
and evidently that was grounds
for his dismissal.
172
00:06:57,029 --> 00:07:00,565
Hmm, um, I got a couple questions
173
00:07:00,566 --> 00:07:02,233
about this script.
174
00:07:02,234 --> 00:07:06,604
So, from what I can tell
from my character Curtis,
175
00:07:06,605 --> 00:07:09,240
he's anti-Semitic and homophobic.
176
00:07:09,241 --> 00:07:10,708
- Yes.
- Yeah.
177
00:07:10,709 --> 00:07:13,044
So how do I feel about
white people in general?
178
00:07:13,045 --> 00:07:17,815
I think maybe Curtis isn't,
uh, particularly excited
179
00:07:17,816 --> 00:07:20,251
that his daughter has,
has married this white guy.
180
00:07:20,252 --> 00:07:23,354
You think maybe?
You know what I think maybe?
181
00:07:23,355 --> 00:07:25,423
I think maybe three white people
182
00:07:25,424 --> 00:07:28,092
wrote a story about white people,
183
00:07:28,093 --> 00:07:31,929
and then just arbitrarily
decided to cast black people
184
00:07:31,930 --> 00:07:33,264
for no reason.
185
00:07:33,265 --> 00:07:36,366
(GASPS) So, you say "black people."
186
00:07:39,505 --> 00:07:42,540
What exactly made you think
that you can tell this story?
187
00:07:42,541 --> 00:07:45,376
Are any of you guys
in an interracial marriage?
188
00:07:45,377 --> 00:07:46,677
- No.
- I am.
189
00:07:46,678 --> 00:07:47,812
Hmm?
190
00:07:47,813 --> 00:07:49,480
Really?
191
00:07:49,481 --> 00:07:52,083
- No.
- Um, Mr. Entertainer...
192
00:07:52,084 --> 00:07:53,451
Okay, right there.
193
00:07:53,452 --> 00:07:54,952
Quit it with
the "Mr. Entertainer" stuff.
194
00:07:54,953 --> 00:07:57,121
That's not my last name,
you dumb shits.
195
00:07:57,122 --> 00:07:59,757
Uh, I'm very sorry. Uh, Cedric...
196
00:07:59,758 --> 00:08:02,193
"Cedric"? You just gonna
roll up and call me Cedric?
197
00:08:02,194 --> 00:08:04,462
I, I don't know what your,
your real last name is.
198
00:08:04,463 --> 00:08:07,131
- I don't know what to call you.
- (LAUGHING)
199
00:08:07,132 --> 00:08:09,700
I'm kidding, man.
I got you, I got you.
200
00:08:09,701 --> 00:08:11,669
Go ahead, go ahead,
finish telling me the story.
201
00:08:11,670 --> 00:08:13,004
Curtis doesn't like Larry
because Larry's
202
00:08:13,005 --> 00:08:15,206
an unlikeable person, and that's all.
203
00:08:15,207 --> 00:08:17,008
That I get.
204
00:08:17,009 --> 00:08:18,276
But I'ma tell you what I don't get,
205
00:08:18,277 --> 00:08:20,243
- is your hair.
- Hmm?
206
00:08:22,648 --> 00:08:24,348
- Ben!
- Falcy!
207
00:08:24,349 --> 00:08:27,318
- Hey!
- Hey, gang, how are you?
208
00:08:27,319 --> 00:08:29,153
Oh, man, you caught me.
Uh, this is just
209
00:08:29,154 --> 00:08:31,222
some cast gifts from me and Melissa.
210
00:08:31,223 --> 00:08:33,024
- Hugh.
- Oh, Ben!
211
00:08:33,025 --> 00:08:36,627
- (CHUCKLING) And Rachel.
- Aww!
212
00:08:36,628 --> 00:08:39,263
That's actually for Mark-Paul.
He wasn't in his dressing room.
213
00:08:39,264 --> 00:08:40,598
Oh.
214
00:08:40,599 --> 00:08:42,700
Ben, you, you did not have to do this.
215
00:08:42,701 --> 00:08:44,802
Oh, this is just standard.
216
00:08:44,803 --> 00:08:46,771
You know, industry standard.
217
00:08:46,772 --> 00:08:50,041
Bits and bubbles, a few things
we found laying around.
218
00:08:50,042 --> 00:08:50,875
You got me a phone?
219
00:08:50,876 --> 00:08:52,877
Yeah. I think you're
really gonna enjoy it.
220
00:08:52,878 --> 00:08:54,145
It's a nice one, it's top of the line.
221
00:08:54,146 --> 00:08:57,615
And we got you some headphones
222
00:08:57,616 --> 00:09:00,318
because Melissa's partnering
with B&O and Sia.
223
00:09:00,319 --> 00:09:01,586
They're very comfortable,
224
00:09:01,587 --> 00:09:05,489
especially if you're
cruising around the world.
225
00:09:05,490 --> 00:09:07,058
You got me tickets on a cruise?
226
00:09:07,059 --> 00:09:09,894
(BEN) Yes, an oceanfront
penthouse, they're calling it.
227
00:09:09,895 --> 00:09:12,430
Anytime you wanna go, anywhere
in the world you wanna go,
228
00:09:12,431 --> 00:09:14,365
Melissa's partnering
with Viking Cruises.
229
00:09:14,366 --> 00:09:15,566
And Sia.
230
00:09:15,567 --> 00:09:18,336
Well, it, it's incredibly generous.
231
00:09:18,337 --> 00:09:19,737
Yeah, normally we would do a lot more,
232
00:09:19,738 --> 00:09:22,139
except we thought
in this particular case,
233
00:09:22,140 --> 00:09:24,208
the creator should probably
give the best gifts.
234
00:09:24,209 --> 00:09:25,409
So we'll leave that to Larry.
235
00:09:25,410 --> 00:09:27,044
All right, later, gators.
236
00:09:27,045 --> 00:09:28,812
I got some more gifts to deliver.
237
00:09:32,006 --> 00:09:33,207
Everybody decent?
238
00:09:33,208 --> 00:09:35,209
(CHUCKLING) There she is.
239
00:09:35,210 --> 00:09:37,611
I come bearing gifts.
Not from me, but...
240
00:09:37,612 --> 00:09:39,880
- From Larry?
- Oh, no. Ben and Melissa.
241
00:09:39,881 --> 00:09:41,248
Larry's is...
242
00:09:41,249 --> 00:09:43,650
I'm sure... coming.
243
00:09:43,651 --> 00:09:46,820
I was thinking maybe, um,
244
00:09:46,821 --> 00:09:49,356
tomorrow we could
take Lois to the beach.
245
00:09:49,357 --> 00:09:51,358
Just you, me, and her.
246
00:09:51,359 --> 00:09:54,064
- Oh, wow.
- Or not.
247
00:09:54,065 --> 00:09:56,933
I mean, we don't have to
if it's too fast or weird...
248
00:09:56,934 --> 00:09:59,703
No, no. That'd be great.
249
00:09:59,704 --> 00:10:01,771
Okay, but I mean, you'd tell me
if you were like, "Oh, my God.
250
00:10:01,772 --> 00:10:02,939
This is so much pressure"
or something.
251
00:10:02,940 --> 00:10:05,108
It's like, it's not a test...
252
00:10:05,109 --> 00:10:07,577
Yeah, no, it's not.
It's a day at the beach.
253
00:10:07,578 --> 00:10:09,212
Let's do it.
254
00:10:09,213 --> 00:10:11,448
- (MAKEUP ARTIST) You're good.
- Okay, thank you.
255
00:10:11,449 --> 00:10:12,949
Yeah, I gotta get dressed.
256
00:10:12,950 --> 00:10:15,217
Okay. Day at the beach.
257
00:10:16,921 --> 00:10:18,387
Looking forward to it.
258
00:10:25,897 --> 00:10:28,298
- Can I ask you a question?
- Yeah.
259
00:10:28,299 --> 00:10:29,766
What do you think of my hair?
260
00:10:29,767 --> 00:10:32,468
Just looks like it doesn't
know what it wants to be.
261
00:10:33,471 --> 00:10:35,639
When they call "action",
262
00:10:35,640 --> 00:10:38,975
(WHISPERING) we're all
gonna get really quiet.
263
00:10:38,976 --> 00:10:40,443
Then when they say something funny,
264
00:10:40,444 --> 00:10:42,112
what're we gonna do? (CROWD LAUGHING)
265
00:10:42,113 --> 00:10:43,780
(WARM-UP COMIC) That was so good!
266
00:10:43,781 --> 00:10:46,116
"Oh, it's funny
'cause it's authentic."
267
00:10:46,117 --> 00:10:47,383
I figured it out.
268
00:10:48,619 --> 00:10:50,287
My gift to the cast.
269
00:10:50,288 --> 00:10:53,089
I have an unbelievably great plan.
270
00:10:53,090 --> 00:10:54,925
I'm gonna say that I'm making
271
00:10:54,926 --> 00:10:58,061
a charitable donation in their names.
272
00:10:58,062 --> 00:11:00,997
Am I gonna make that donation?
Of course not.
273
00:11:00,998 --> 00:11:02,766
Am I gonna look like a hero?
274
00:11:02,767 --> 00:11:04,935
Yes.
275
00:11:04,936 --> 00:11:07,170
You're a disgusting person.
276
00:11:07,171 --> 00:11:11,574
What charity do you not
want to help out today?
277
00:11:11,575 --> 00:11:13,643
Larry, I'm not participating in this.
278
00:11:13,644 --> 00:11:15,979
I'm not participating in this either.
279
00:11:15,980 --> 00:11:18,048
That's the beauty of this plan.
280
00:11:18,049 --> 00:11:20,850
Hey, Ben, we're just wondering
when Melissa's getting here?
281
00:11:20,851 --> 00:11:23,786
Well, she's at the doctors.
It's kind of an emergency.
282
00:11:25,022 --> 00:11:26,489
I just want you to know
283
00:11:26,490 --> 00:11:28,725
I have absolute faith
in you, Dr. Kaine.
284
00:11:28,726 --> 00:11:30,393
Oh, thank you.
285
00:11:30,394 --> 00:11:31,661
But I'm not a doctor.
286
00:11:31,662 --> 00:11:34,331
(LAUGHING) Oh, I keep forgetting.
287
00:11:34,332 --> 00:11:36,833
Oh, doctor, schmoctor, right?
288
00:11:36,834 --> 00:11:40,036
(HEARTY CHUCKLE) Here we go.
289
00:11:40,037 --> 00:11:42,372
(GASPING)
290
00:11:42,373 --> 00:11:44,374
Oh...
291
00:11:44,375 --> 00:11:47,210
Oh, that feels... That feels unusual.
292
00:11:47,211 --> 00:11:51,147
My secret is I mix filler
and Botox in one shot.
293
00:11:51,148 --> 00:11:53,650
(SIGHING) Well...
294
00:11:53,651 --> 00:11:56,820
That left eye is gonna start
opening in a couple of days.
295
00:11:56,821 --> 00:12:00,156
Oh, no worries here.
296
00:12:00,157 --> 00:12:03,593
This could be a problem,
because she's the director.
297
00:12:03,594 --> 00:12:06,629
I'll just do it.
Yeah, I direct movies.
298
00:12:06,630 --> 00:12:09,566
How much harder can it be?
Probably a lot easier, right?
299
00:12:09,567 --> 00:12:12,369
Uh, Courtney, can we go
on a bell please?
300
00:12:12,370 --> 00:12:15,205
- (BELL RINGING)
- (AUDIENCE LAUGHING)
301
00:12:15,206 --> 00:12:18,742
Um, do you like "Tammy" better
or "The Boss" better?
302
00:12:18,743 --> 00:12:20,810
Hard to pick, I know.
They're all my babies.
303
00:12:20,811 --> 00:12:22,212
I don't know. They're all my babies.
304
00:12:22,213 --> 00:12:23,680
(AUDIENCE LAUGHING)
305
00:12:23,681 --> 00:12:25,382
Oy gevalt!
306
00:12:25,383 --> 00:12:26,549
(LAUGHTER)
307
00:12:26,550 --> 00:12:29,651
I have an idea. Give me this.
308
00:12:31,455 --> 00:12:32,888
(BLOWING)
309
00:12:34,825 --> 00:12:36,426
(TRASH CAN OPENING, CLOSING)
310
00:12:36,427 --> 00:12:38,228
(AUDIENCE LAUGHING)
311
00:12:38,229 --> 00:12:39,696
Now, let's go get a Christmas tree
312
00:12:39,697 --> 00:12:41,398
like some normal people.
313
00:12:41,399 --> 00:12:44,200
(LAUGHTER, APPLAUSE)
314
00:12:44,201 --> 00:12:45,902
(BEN) And cut!
315
00:12:45,903 --> 00:12:48,905
Okay, and that's a wrap, everybody.
316
00:12:48,906 --> 00:12:50,740
Uh, I have the Midas touch.
317
00:12:50,741 --> 00:12:52,909
This is gonna be a big hit.
You're welcome.
318
00:12:52,910 --> 00:12:54,544
So, let's give it up one more time
319
00:12:54,545 --> 00:12:57,480
for the cast of "Open Dorf Policy".
320
00:12:57,481 --> 00:12:59,449
Here they come. (APPLAUSE)
321
00:12:59,450 --> 00:13:03,787
Starring our Larry,
Mark-Paul Gosselaar.
322
00:13:03,788 --> 00:13:07,090
Thank you so much, you've
been such a great audience.
323
00:13:07,091 --> 00:13:08,792
Here. Give me. Let me.
324
00:13:08,793 --> 00:13:10,460
Here, I wanna say a few words here.
325
00:13:10,461 --> 00:13:12,128
Thank you so much.
326
00:13:12,129 --> 00:13:14,130
You've been such a great audience.
327
00:13:14,131 --> 00:13:17,000
My name is Larry Dorf, I'm the creator
328
00:13:17,001 --> 00:13:19,335
of "Open Dorf Policy",
329
00:13:19,336 --> 00:13:22,172
uh, and this is all such
a dream come true.
330
00:13:22,173 --> 00:13:25,708
But I do want to say that
none of it would mean anything
331
00:13:25,709 --> 00:13:29,045
if it weren't for
my beautiful wife, Jen,
332
00:13:29,046 --> 00:13:31,347
who's right up here in the front row.
333
00:13:31,348 --> 00:13:33,983
Jen, I love you so much. (ALL AWING)
334
00:13:33,984 --> 00:13:36,119
Stand up for everybody.
335
00:13:36,120 --> 00:13:37,687
(APPLAUSE)
336
00:13:37,688 --> 00:13:39,889
Can we get a spotlight on her please?
337
00:13:39,890 --> 00:13:41,858
Who's a lucky guy, huh?
338
00:13:41,859 --> 00:13:43,626
I get to lay with that.
339
00:13:43,627 --> 00:13:45,628
And how about this cast?
340
00:13:45,629 --> 00:13:47,230
(APPLAUSE)
341
00:13:47,231 --> 00:13:49,499
Wonderful.
342
00:13:49,500 --> 00:13:50,834
I bet they're thinking
343
00:13:50,835 --> 00:13:53,670
that I forgot to get them
a cast gift...
344
00:13:53,671 --> 00:13:56,339
but they are wrong.
345
00:13:56,340 --> 00:14:01,811
Because my gift to them
is a charitable donation
346
00:14:01,812 --> 00:14:07,817
in their names for $100,000
347
00:14:07,818 --> 00:14:10,420
to, um, The United Way.
348
00:14:10,421 --> 00:14:11,853
Hold up.
349
00:14:14,258 --> 00:14:17,127
Oh. Larry, CBS would like
350
00:14:17,128 --> 00:14:19,963
to match your generous donation
dollar for dollar
351
00:14:19,964 --> 00:14:22,665
to The United Way,
who we recently partnered with.
352
00:14:22,666 --> 00:14:25,467
(APPLAUSE)
353
00:14:28,134 --> 00:14:30,435
- Daddy!
- Daddy!
354
00:14:30,436 --> 00:14:32,270
- Hey!
- Daddy!
355
00:14:32,271 --> 00:14:34,919
Ahh! Come here, come here.
Come here, I missed you guys.
356
00:14:34,920 --> 00:14:38,442
??
357
00:14:48,220 --> 00:14:50,722
Hi.
358
00:14:50,723 --> 00:14:53,191
How long have you been awake?
359
00:14:53,192 --> 00:14:56,494
Oh, I don't know that
I ever was asleep.
360
00:14:56,495 --> 00:14:59,664
Oh, wow. Paul already wrote back.
361
00:14:59,665 --> 00:15:02,600
- He loves the idea.
- What idea?
362
00:15:02,601 --> 00:15:05,570
- Our movie.
- You told Paul?
363
00:15:05,571 --> 00:15:07,272
I didn't even say I want to do it.
364
00:15:07,273 --> 00:15:10,141
That's why I'm a producer.
I make things happen.
365
00:15:10,142 --> 00:15:12,444
(LAUGHING)
I mean, if it were up to you,
366
00:15:12,445 --> 00:15:14,177
nothing would ever happen, right?
367
00:15:15,981 --> 00:15:17,949
Yeah, you're probably right.
368
00:15:17,950 --> 00:15:22,086
Babe, I think you need
to have more initiative.
369
00:15:22,087 --> 00:15:26,757
You need to figure out
what you want and go after it.
370
00:15:27,993 --> 00:15:31,396
Uh, okay. Maybe I'll go
for a quick run.
371
00:15:31,397 --> 00:15:34,732
Take off the "maybe." I, Hugh,
372
00:15:34,733 --> 00:15:36,234
am gonna go for a quick run
373
00:15:36,235 --> 00:15:38,368
because that is what I want.
374
00:15:40,539 --> 00:15:42,941
Yes. That's what I want.
375
00:15:42,942 --> 00:15:44,708
Have fun.
376
00:15:46,645 --> 00:15:51,015
Is your card the king of clubs?
377
00:15:51,016 --> 00:15:52,951
Whoa, how'd you do that?
378
00:15:52,952 --> 00:15:55,086
A magician never reveals his secrets.
379
00:15:55,087 --> 00:15:57,688
Please? Okay, okay.
380
00:15:59,658 --> 00:16:02,627
(LAUGHING) Literally the only
trick you can do with this deck.
381
00:16:02,628 --> 00:16:04,863
Hey, kiddo, check it out.
382
00:16:04,864 --> 00:16:07,365
(LOIS) Whoa, that's so cool.
383
00:16:07,366 --> 00:16:09,400
That looks terrifying.
384
00:16:09,401 --> 00:16:11,536
Terrifying? Looks like fun.
385
00:16:11,537 --> 00:16:12,694
See?
386
00:16:12,695 --> 00:16:14,038
(MARK-PAUL) We should get
one of those skim boards.
387
00:16:14,039 --> 00:16:15,707
They gotta sell 'em around here
someplace, right?
388
00:16:15,708 --> 00:16:17,141
There's a surf shop down the street.
389
00:16:17,142 --> 00:16:18,643
She does not need a skim board.
390
00:16:18,644 --> 00:16:20,645
I think she does. What do you think?
391
00:16:20,646 --> 00:16:23,515
I'll be right back. Don't
have too much fun without me.
392
00:16:23,516 --> 00:16:24,883
You are such a little rat.
393
00:16:24,884 --> 00:16:26,951
I didn't ask him to get me one.
394
00:16:26,952 --> 00:16:28,919
Oh, really? Okay.
395
00:16:29,989 --> 00:16:32,657
He's pretty nice, though, huh?
396
00:16:32,658 --> 00:16:34,424
Hugh!
397
00:16:37,963 --> 00:16:39,896
- Hugh!
- Hey!
398
00:16:41,800 --> 00:16:43,134
Hi!
399
00:16:43,135 --> 00:16:45,902
??
400
00:16:50,142 --> 00:16:52,643
(HUGH) Hey, hey, hey. Hey, hey, hey.
401
00:16:54,313 --> 00:16:57,482
How are you?
Oh, God, you're so sweaty.
402
00:16:57,483 --> 00:17:01,319
Well, I just ran.
My God, I just ran 7.8 miles.
403
00:17:01,320 --> 00:17:03,288
I have a card trick for you.
404
00:17:03,289 --> 00:17:05,355
Oh, do you? I'm dying to see it.
405
00:17:07,092 --> 00:17:08,959
Okay, pick a card.
406
00:17:11,397 --> 00:17:12,964
Is this your card?
407
00:17:12,965 --> 00:17:15,365
Yes, and it looks like
they're all my card.
408
00:17:16,802 --> 00:17:18,736
- You...
- You little rat!
409
00:17:18,737 --> 00:17:20,905
You're trying to trick me?
I'm an old man.
410
00:17:20,906 --> 00:17:22,373
(LOIS) Will you get
in the water with me?
411
00:17:22,374 --> 00:17:24,075
- Please?
- Okay.
412
00:17:24,076 --> 00:17:26,444
'Cause you said please,
you little nitwit.
413
00:17:26,445 --> 00:17:27,812
Come on.
414
00:17:27,813 --> 00:17:29,646
Can I take a picture of you guys?
415
00:17:30,916 --> 00:17:32,584
With your fancy phone.
416
00:17:32,585 --> 00:17:35,386
??
417
00:17:35,387 --> 00:17:36,521
Sweet.
418
00:17:36,522 --> 00:17:37,889
All right, let's do it.
419
00:17:37,890 --> 00:17:39,724
Here, I'll take one of you and mommy.
420
00:17:39,725 --> 00:17:42,226
Oh, wow, okay.
421
00:17:42,227 --> 00:17:45,897
(LAUGHING) Sweaty guy.
422
00:17:45,898 --> 00:17:49,400
- You don't have to.
- (LOIS) One, two, three, cheese!
423
00:17:49,401 --> 00:17:52,903
(HUGH PANTING)
424
00:17:54,139 --> 00:17:56,074
Thought you said
you were going for a quick run.
425
00:17:56,075 --> 00:17:58,309
Oh, uh, yeah, sorry.
426
00:17:58,310 --> 00:18:01,745
I, uh, I really lost
track of time out there.
427
00:18:04,149 --> 00:18:05,817
I'm gonna take a shower,
you need anything?
428
00:18:05,818 --> 00:18:07,584
No.
429
00:18:09,989 --> 00:18:11,688
- (PHONE VIBRATING)
- (SHOWER RUNNING)
430
00:18:27,139 --> 00:18:29,906
??
431
00:18:54,322 --> 00:18:56,823
Sleep tight, munchkin.
432
00:18:56,824 --> 00:18:58,899
- I love you.
- Love you.
433
00:19:00,094 --> 00:19:02,195
Mommy?
434
00:19:02,196 --> 00:19:04,096
Why can't you be with Hugh?
435
00:19:06,033 --> 00:19:11,071
Well.. I'm with Mark-Paul, right?
436
00:19:11,072 --> 00:19:13,240
And Hugh has a girlfriend.
437
00:19:13,241 --> 00:19:15,875
And she's nice,
438
00:19:15,876 --> 00:19:18,644
and he's so happy.
439
00:19:20,514 --> 00:19:23,016
So you should get some sleep, okay?
440
00:19:23,017 --> 00:19:25,317
- I love you.
- I love you too.
441
00:19:28,089 --> 00:19:29,689
Mommy?
442
00:19:29,690 --> 00:19:32,559
What if Hugh didn't have a girlfriend?
443
00:19:32,560 --> 00:19:35,195
Well, he does.
444
00:19:35,196 --> 00:19:37,129
So, that's... that.
445
00:19:41,335 --> 00:19:43,435
(SAM) You don't look at me like that.
446
00:19:44,872 --> 00:19:50,517
And I deserve to be with
someone who looks at me...
447
00:19:50,518 --> 00:19:52,511
the way you look at Rachel.
448
00:19:54,749 --> 00:19:57,417
Yes, I know.
449
00:19:57,418 --> 00:20:00,285
??
450
00:20:03,791 --> 00:20:06,259
So what do you want to do?
451
00:20:06,260 --> 00:20:09,262
You can't even do it.
452
00:20:09,263 --> 00:20:11,965
? The words ?
453
00:20:11,966 --> 00:20:14,634
? We speak ?
454
00:20:14,635 --> 00:20:16,903
? We spoke... ?
455
00:20:16,904 --> 00:20:19,439
I'm so sorry.
456
00:20:19,440 --> 00:20:22,309
Just don't get into
another relationship
457
00:20:22,310 --> 00:20:24,144
until you're over her.
458
00:20:24,145 --> 00:20:27,279
??
459
00:20:29,850 --> 00:20:34,587
? One little hitch in the plan ?
460
00:20:34,588 --> 00:20:39,659
? I did everything I can ?
461
00:20:39,660 --> 00:20:42,362
? But I'm so ?
462
00:20:42,363 --> 00:20:45,407
? Predictable ??
463
00:20:45,787 --> 00:20:50,587
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464
00:20:50,637 --> 00:20:55,187
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