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1
00:00:03,544 --> 00:00:05,511
Ah, it's so beautiful out here.
2
00:00:05,512 --> 00:00:07,013
What's that?!
3
00:00:07,014 --> 00:00:09,281
I wasn't talking to you!
4
00:00:10,651 --> 00:00:11,885
- That's nice.
- (HORSE SNORTS)
5
00:00:11,886 --> 00:00:13,853
- Whoo, Ulysses!
- (NEIGHING)
6
00:00:13,854 --> 00:00:15,120
Ow!
7
00:00:16,257 --> 00:00:17,290
Ow!
8
00:00:17,291 --> 00:00:18,723
Hugh!
9
00:00:20,261 --> 00:00:21,828
Help!
10
00:00:21,829 --> 00:00:23,329
(NEIGHING)
11
00:00:23,330 --> 00:00:24,397
Hyah!
12
00:00:24,398 --> 00:00:26,432
- Hugh, don't leave me!
- Hyah!
13
00:00:26,433 --> 00:00:29,235
- Hugh! Hugh!
- Hyah! Hyah! Hyah!
14
00:00:29,236 --> 00:00:30,670
- I love you!
- Hyah!
15
00:00:30,671 --> 00:00:33,805
- Hugh!
- Hyah! Hyah!
16
00:00:38,479 --> 00:00:41,848
What are you maniacs doing?
Watching me sleep?
17
00:00:41,849 --> 00:00:43,283
Were you having a sex dream?
18
00:00:43,284 --> 00:00:44,450
What?!
19
00:00:44,451 --> 00:00:46,419
You kept going, Hyah! Hyah!
20
00:00:46,420 --> 00:00:48,121
Well, not quite with
that intensity, but...
21
00:00:48,122 --> 00:00:50,990
- Do you have a boner?
- What? No!
22
00:00:50,991 --> 00:00:53,326
Stop looking at me.
23
00:00:53,327 --> 00:00:56,596
I just had a horrible dream about Sam.
24
00:00:56,597 --> 00:01:00,033
We were riding the stupid horses,
25
00:01:00,034 --> 00:01:02,035
and then she fell off.
26
00:01:02,036 --> 00:01:04,737
I just left her there and I rode away.
27
00:01:04,738 --> 00:01:06,239
And then you had sex with her?
28
00:01:06,240 --> 00:01:08,673
It was not a sex dream.
29
00:01:10,444 --> 00:01:12,445
It was disturbing.
30
00:01:12,446 --> 00:01:14,814
You know, the latest
dream research suggests
31
00:01:14,815 --> 00:01:16,416
that you're everyone in your dream.
32
00:01:16,417 --> 00:01:18,751
So you're you but you're also Sam.
33
00:01:18,752 --> 00:01:22,455
No, I think in this case,
I was me and Sam was Sam.
34
00:01:22,456 --> 00:01:25,325
You know, in most cultures,
a horse represents good luck
35
00:01:25,326 --> 00:01:26,926
or prosperity.
36
00:01:26,927 --> 00:01:29,729
So you just got that part
in Larry's show,
37
00:01:29,730 --> 00:01:32,298
so that's what the dream was
right there.
38
00:01:32,299 --> 00:01:36,536
No, that's not what it was.
I think it means that...
39
00:01:36,537 --> 00:01:38,204
I don't want to be with her anymore.
40
00:01:38,205 --> 00:01:41,140
Now, I am the last person
41
00:01:41,141 --> 00:01:43,276
who should be giving you
relationship advice.
42
00:01:43,277 --> 00:01:45,211
But I don't like Sam.
43
00:01:45,212 --> 00:01:47,547
I don't know if it's a
combination of the height
44
00:01:47,548 --> 00:01:48,848
and the blonde hair,
45
00:01:48,849 --> 00:01:52,385
but she's a little Master Racy for me.
46
00:01:52,386 --> 00:01:54,554
My suggestion is just
rip the Band-Aid,
47
00:01:54,555 --> 00:01:55,955
get out of the situation.
48
00:01:55,956 --> 00:01:59,592
And on that note, I am going to bed.
49
00:01:59,593 --> 00:02:01,761
Guys, make yourselves at home.
50
00:02:01,762 --> 00:02:04,663
And, uh, all the best.
51
00:02:06,867 --> 00:02:09,769
I should've had you park in my spot.
52
00:02:09,770 --> 00:02:10,837
- Oh...
- (HORN HONKS)
53
00:02:10,838 --> 00:02:12,071
Whoa.
54
00:02:12,072 --> 00:02:15,106
(CAR RADIO)
? I think you know it's true ?
55
00:02:16,477 --> 00:02:18,210
? Swimmin' with sharks... ??
56
00:02:19,079 --> 00:02:21,314
Or Mark-Paul Gosselaar's spot.
57
00:02:21,315 --> 00:02:24,283
- Hey!
- You guys drove together, huh?
58
00:02:24,284 --> 00:02:26,686
Well, we live down the street
from each other.
59
00:02:26,687 --> 00:02:27,920
We carpooled.
60
00:02:27,921 --> 00:02:28,988
Why'd you guys carpool?
61
00:02:28,989 --> 00:02:30,923
Hugh slept with me
at Pat's last night.
62
00:02:30,924 --> 00:02:33,993
I mean, he didn't sleep with me.
63
00:02:33,994 --> 00:02:36,262
A little rocky situation with Sam.
64
00:02:36,263 --> 00:02:37,497
Did you guys have a fight?
65
00:02:37,498 --> 00:02:39,465
Big fight.
66
00:02:39,466 --> 00:02:40,500
Sorry.
67
00:02:40,501 --> 00:02:42,001
Why's he wrapping this car?
68
00:02:42,002 --> 00:02:43,870
Is he gonna ship it somewhere?
69
00:02:43,871 --> 00:02:45,772
It's like super expensive.
70
00:02:45,773 --> 00:02:47,874
How about you? Still nothing with Jen?
71
00:02:47,875 --> 00:02:50,143
I call her, she doesn't call me back.
72
00:02:50,144 --> 00:02:51,644
I sent her an edible arrangement.
73
00:02:51,645 --> 00:02:53,446
And it was a good one.
It had no cantaloupe.
74
00:02:53,447 --> 00:02:55,648
Hey, the gang's all here!
75
00:02:55,649 --> 00:02:56,716
(LAUGHTER)
76
00:02:56,717 --> 00:02:57,950
- Oh!
- Oh!
77
00:02:57,951 --> 00:03:00,286
Ah, now I'm in the gang.
This is gonna be great.
78
00:03:00,287 --> 00:03:02,488
So do you guys like laugh all day?
79
00:03:02,489 --> 00:03:03,723
All day, every day.
80
00:03:03,724 --> 00:03:04,891
Huh. (CHUCKLES)
81
00:03:04,892 --> 00:03:06,793
Oh, Rachel, I forgot to give
this to you yesterday.
82
00:03:06,794 --> 00:03:08,461
It's for Lois.
83
00:03:08,462 --> 00:03:10,129
You're gonna have to wrap it.
84
00:03:10,130 --> 00:03:12,398
My God, you remembered her birthday.
85
00:03:12,399 --> 00:03:14,000
- Of course.
- (MARK-PAUL) It's Lois's birthday.
86
00:03:14,001 --> 00:03:15,668
Yeah.
87
00:03:15,669 --> 00:03:17,837
Oh, I chipped in on that.
88
00:03:17,838 --> 00:03:19,972
(WOMAN) My aunt, she's so...
89
00:03:19,973 --> 00:03:22,041
(MAN) Hey, guys, this is
our new casting director,
90
00:03:22,042 --> 00:03:23,176
Deborah Diamond.
91
00:03:23,177 --> 00:03:24,310
Hi. Debbie!
92
00:03:24,311 --> 00:03:26,412
Oh, look at you!
93
00:03:26,413 --> 00:03:28,114
Oh, you get more gorgeous every day.
94
00:03:28,115 --> 00:03:29,415
(MARK-PAUL) I try.
95
00:03:29,416 --> 00:03:34,520
You are going to be my... Larry Dorf.
96
00:03:34,521 --> 00:03:36,622
(CHUCKLES) Oh, boy.
97
00:03:36,623 --> 00:03:38,191
What kind of a name is that?
That is stupid.
98
00:03:38,192 --> 00:03:40,860
Actually, it's my name.
That's my real name.
99
00:03:40,861 --> 00:03:42,228
Who are you?
100
00:03:42,229 --> 00:03:44,864
Larry Dorf, creator of the show.
101
00:03:44,865 --> 00:03:45,998
That doesn't really matter.
102
00:03:45,999 --> 00:03:49,268
Oh, you're the neighbor.
I saw your tape.
103
00:03:49,269 --> 00:03:51,237
Oh, you were so wonderful.
104
00:03:51,238 --> 00:03:52,738
How come I've never heard
of you before?
105
00:03:52,739 --> 00:03:55,108
Oh, well, uh, I got a late start
106
00:03:55,109 --> 00:03:56,676
and I don't try very hard.
107
00:03:56,677 --> 00:03:58,744
Oh, I don't like the beard.
It ages you.
108
00:03:58,745 --> 00:04:02,215
I'm sorry, were Curtis
and Mary Ellen already cast?
109
00:04:02,216 --> 00:04:04,884
- Yes.
- Why was I not consulted about this?
110
00:04:04,885 --> 00:04:06,552
I'm the creator of the show!
111
00:04:06,553 --> 00:04:08,721
Because Melissa loves them?
112
00:04:08,722 --> 00:04:11,691
So, okay, so if Melissa
McCarthy loves something
113
00:04:11,692 --> 00:04:13,960
and Larry Dorf doesn't,
it's just done.
114
00:04:13,961 --> 00:04:15,962
Uh, yeah, I think you know
the answer to that.
115
00:04:15,963 --> 00:04:20,099
Okay, uh, well, how about Jen?
Let's get to her.
116
00:04:20,100 --> 00:04:22,034
Great! I need to be a part of this.
117
00:04:22,035 --> 00:04:24,270
So we've got Ashley Greene
from "Twilight."
118
00:04:24,271 --> 00:04:26,072
She's hot, she got a great bod.
119
00:04:26,073 --> 00:04:28,708
Yes, that's a huge compliment.
Jen would love that.
120
00:04:28,709 --> 00:04:30,109
Has she done much comedy?
121
00:04:30,110 --> 00:04:31,444
What difference does it make?
She's gorgeous!
122
00:04:31,445 --> 00:04:33,746
I don't know. I-I-I I don't...
123
00:04:33,747 --> 00:04:35,882
She's got, um...
124
00:04:35,883 --> 00:04:37,150
Weird elbows?
125
00:04:37,151 --> 00:04:39,385
You know what?
I think we keep looking.
126
00:04:39,386 --> 00:04:40,586
What?!
127
00:04:40,587 --> 00:04:42,121
Hey, sorry, Chief,
you've been overruled.
128
00:04:42,122 --> 00:04:43,923
- But, uh, hang in there.
- (CELL PHONE CHIMES)
129
00:04:43,924 --> 00:04:45,591
Hey, Mark-Paul and Hugh?
130
00:04:45,592 --> 00:04:46,926
Wardrobe wants to see you
for a fitting.
131
00:04:46,927 --> 00:04:48,893
All right, come on, neighbor!
132
00:04:50,397 --> 00:04:51,631
Ah...
133
00:04:51,632 --> 00:04:52,965
Are we gonna walk
like this the whole way?
134
00:04:52,966 --> 00:04:54,634
I'm gonna go meet
with the set designer,
135
00:04:54,635 --> 00:04:56,302
see what your house looks like.
136
00:04:56,303 --> 00:04:57,403
Great, I will come with you.
137
00:04:57,404 --> 00:04:58,604
Too many cooks, Larry.
138
00:04:58,605 --> 00:05:00,406
Too many cooks?
139
00:05:00,407 --> 00:05:02,575
I am the cook!
140
00:05:02,576 --> 00:05:04,310
I'm the head chef!
141
00:05:04,311 --> 00:05:05,611
This is my kitchen!
142
00:05:05,612 --> 00:05:07,946
Uh-uh, that's Dave's office.
143
00:05:09,983 --> 00:05:11,150
(WOMAN) Hmm...
144
00:05:11,151 --> 00:05:12,785
I don't know.
145
00:05:12,786 --> 00:05:14,654
I think I look too cool.
146
00:05:14,655 --> 00:05:16,789
Well, a little difficult
147
00:05:16,790 --> 00:05:18,758
because you're so attractive.
148
00:05:18,759 --> 00:05:20,927
Hm, thanks.
149
00:05:20,928 --> 00:05:23,628
Let me pull something else.
150
00:05:24,932 --> 00:05:26,632
You know what I'm talking
about, right?
151
00:05:26,633 --> 00:05:28,301
I mean, isn't Larry a little more,
152
00:05:28,302 --> 00:05:31,304
I don't know... lame?
I don't want to say "loser."
153
00:05:31,305 --> 00:05:33,906
Oh, you can say "loser."
154
00:05:33,907 --> 00:05:36,909
I bet you're supposed
to, you know, disrobe
155
00:05:36,910 --> 00:05:39,245
behind that curtain thing, but...
156
00:05:39,246 --> 00:05:41,079
(WOMAN) What about this?
157
00:05:43,350 --> 00:05:45,051
(BLOWS RASPBERRY) I don't know.
158
00:05:45,052 --> 00:05:46,485
I don't know,
I think I should call Rachel.
159
00:05:46,486 --> 00:05:48,688
Yes, good idea.
160
00:05:48,689 --> 00:05:50,957
They always want
the girlfriend's approval.
161
00:05:50,958 --> 00:05:52,925
Hey, babe. Yeah, could you come down
162
00:05:52,926 --> 00:05:55,294
and look at some of these
Larry clothes?
163
00:05:55,295 --> 00:05:57,063
I just want your opinion.
164
00:05:57,064 --> 00:06:00,299
Uh-huh. (CHUCKLES)
165
00:06:00,300 --> 00:06:03,169
(LAUGHING)
166
00:06:03,170 --> 00:06:05,304
Okay. Okay.
167
00:06:05,305 --> 00:06:07,806
(LAUGHING) Okay.
168
00:06:09,810 --> 00:06:10,910
All right, bye.
169
00:06:10,911 --> 00:06:13,212
Oh, my God, I just love that woman.
170
00:06:13,213 --> 00:06:15,214
Oh, I see myself marrying her.
171
00:06:15,215 --> 00:06:18,017
I mean, I haven't said that
about anyone, you know?
172
00:06:18,018 --> 00:06:20,019
Have you ever been married?
173
00:06:20,020 --> 00:06:22,521
- No.
- Hm.
174
00:06:22,522 --> 00:06:26,359
Thinking about tying
the knot with Sam, huh?
175
00:06:26,360 --> 00:06:29,228
Like, is that something I dream about?
176
00:06:29,229 --> 00:06:30,663
Uh, no. Not really.
177
00:06:30,664 --> 00:06:32,265
Don't settle.
178
00:06:32,266 --> 00:06:35,300
I'm sure there's a Rachel
out there for you.
179
00:06:36,637 --> 00:06:37,737
- Whoa.
- Hmm?
180
00:06:37,738 --> 00:06:40,906
Uh, I'm sorry. Why am I wearing a hat?
181
00:06:40,907 --> 00:06:43,809
Don't you worry. I have a vision.
182
00:06:43,810 --> 00:06:46,846
Larry, you're like T-shirts
and cargo pants.
183
00:06:46,847 --> 00:06:48,481
I don't wear cargo pants.
184
00:06:48,482 --> 00:06:49,782
Like with a big pocket on the side?
185
00:06:49,783 --> 00:06:51,350
I've never worn that.
186
00:06:51,351 --> 00:06:53,286
This is exactly why
he shouldn't be asking you.
187
00:06:53,287 --> 00:06:55,021
He should be asking for my opinion.
188
00:06:55,022 --> 00:06:56,522
You don't have any idea how I dress.
189
00:06:56,523 --> 00:06:58,824
Uh, not well. Okay.
190
00:06:58,825 --> 00:07:00,092
Normally I wouldn't cuff,
191
00:07:00,093 --> 00:07:01,861
but I can tell you get
to the gym, don't you?
192
00:07:01,862 --> 00:07:03,696
- Mm-hmm.
- Those forearms.
193
00:07:03,697 --> 00:07:05,931
- Oh, you look great!
- Right.
194
00:07:05,932 --> 00:07:07,600
Shouldn't I look a little nerdier?
195
00:07:07,601 --> 00:07:09,468
I don't think Larry's nerdy.
196
00:07:09,469 --> 00:07:11,437
- Thank you.
- He's more schlubby.
197
00:07:11,438 --> 00:07:13,039
- Yes, thank you.
- But Jen's schlubby.
198
00:07:13,040 --> 00:07:14,340
No, Jen can't be schlubby.
199
00:07:14,341 --> 00:07:15,541
How about cargo pants?
200
00:07:15,542 --> 00:07:16,875
That's what I said.
201
00:07:17,878 --> 00:07:21,514
(LAUGHTER)
202
00:07:21,515 --> 00:07:22,915
(MARK-PAUL) Oh, my God!
203
00:07:22,916 --> 00:07:24,450
I was told Hugh's from Texas.
204
00:07:24,451 --> 00:07:25,785
So that was my launching pad.
205
00:07:25,786 --> 00:07:27,787
I was also told he has
a particular fondness
206
00:07:27,788 --> 00:07:28,954
for spurs.
207
00:07:28,955 --> 00:07:30,656
The Spurs.
208
00:07:30,657 --> 00:07:32,124
It's a... it's a basketball team.
209
00:07:32,125 --> 00:07:33,626
Oh, and wait till you hear
what a fun sound they make.
210
00:07:33,627 --> 00:07:34,894
Go on, Hugh. Give us a walk, darling.
211
00:07:34,895 --> 00:07:36,595
Go on, right in a circle, go on.
212
00:07:36,596 --> 00:07:37,897
(LAUGHTER)
213
00:07:37,898 --> 00:07:39,598
Listen to that jingle jangle.
214
00:07:39,599 --> 00:07:41,901
It's gonna get a laugh
even before he speaks, no?
215
00:07:41,902 --> 00:07:43,969
Rachel, this is insane, right?
216
00:07:43,970 --> 00:07:47,106
It's insane, but it's a multi-cam.
217
00:07:47,107 --> 00:07:49,342
Maybe it's funny. (LAUGHS)
218
00:07:49,343 --> 00:07:51,277
I trust this one. (LARRY SIGHS)
219
00:07:51,278 --> 00:07:54,413
I mean, maybe it's good.
You know, the wacky neighbor.
220
00:07:54,414 --> 00:07:55,514
That's something, right?
221
00:07:55,515 --> 00:07:56,816
What are you doing in here, darling?
222
00:07:56,817 --> 00:07:57,917
It's a small space.
223
00:07:57,918 --> 00:07:59,919
Go around again, Hugh.
224
00:07:59,920 --> 00:08:01,253
Go on, just do it.
225
00:08:01,254 --> 00:08:03,022
Come on, like a pony
at a birthday party.
226
00:08:03,023 --> 00:08:04,924
Just circle right round.
Where's my phone?
227
00:08:04,925 --> 00:08:06,359
I feel so American, right?
228
00:08:06,360 --> 00:08:08,960
So funny. Okay, stay still.
229
00:08:16,970 --> 00:08:19,638
This is so depressing.
230
00:08:19,639 --> 00:08:21,774
Pulling up to my own
home to get clothes
231
00:08:21,775 --> 00:08:23,074
just to leave again.
232
00:08:24,144 --> 00:08:25,644
Good luck.
233
00:08:25,645 --> 00:08:28,314
- You wanna come in?
- No.
234
00:08:28,315 --> 00:08:29,515
I think I'm gonna call Sam.
235
00:08:29,516 --> 00:08:31,384
You're gonna break up
with her right now?
236
00:08:31,385 --> 00:08:34,453
Yeah, I can't take another
second of this limbo nonsense.
237
00:08:34,454 --> 00:08:36,422
All right.
238
00:08:36,423 --> 00:08:37,956
Good luck to us both.
239
00:08:43,330 --> 00:08:44,796
(CELL PHONE RINGING)
240
00:08:48,568 --> 00:08:50,035
Hey.
241
00:08:50,036 --> 00:08:52,338
Hugh, it's Libby, Sam's assistant.
242
00:08:52,339 --> 00:08:54,974
What? Oh, wait.
Why do you have Sam's phone?
243
00:08:54,975 --> 00:08:56,308
Is everything all right?
244
00:08:56,309 --> 00:08:58,344
No, dude. Sam's in the hospital.
245
00:08:58,345 --> 00:08:59,478
What?!
246
00:08:59,479 --> 00:09:01,013
Yeah, she broke her leg pretty bad.
247
00:09:01,014 --> 00:09:02,648
They had to put a bunch of pins in it.
248
00:09:02,649 --> 00:09:03,916
We're in the emergency room.
249
00:09:03,917 --> 00:09:05,451
What happened?
250
00:09:05,452 --> 00:09:07,453
I guess she got thrown from her horse.
251
00:09:07,454 --> 00:09:09,487
- (ENGINE STARTS)
- I'm on my way.
252
00:09:21,399 --> 00:09:24,368
(WEAK VOICE) I'm so happy to see you.
253
00:09:24,369 --> 00:09:26,904
Dude, you are such a good boyfriend.
254
00:09:26,905 --> 00:09:29,573
I wish I could find someone like you,
255
00:09:29,574 --> 00:09:32,409
but, you know, with a vagina.
256
00:09:32,410 --> 00:09:34,945
Uh, just the one chair.
257
00:09:34,946 --> 00:09:38,415
We could... share if you want.
258
00:09:38,416 --> 00:09:41,618
I'll, uh, see if I can get
another chair brought in or...
259
00:09:41,619 --> 00:09:44,153
We could probably use a Jell-O.
260
00:09:51,729 --> 00:09:55,432
? If you won't call me ?
261
00:09:55,433 --> 00:09:57,901
? Then you can call... ?
262
00:09:57,902 --> 00:10:02,272
? And if you won't talk... ?
263
00:10:02,273 --> 00:10:05,941
- Hey.
- Oh, hey.
264
00:10:07,445 --> 00:10:09,346
Jen and Mary Ellen, they took the kids
265
00:10:09,347 --> 00:10:13,282
down to that,
that hot dog place on Ventura.
266
00:10:14,452 --> 00:10:16,419
That's where we take 'em.
267
00:10:18,656 --> 00:10:20,491
Sit down.
268
00:10:20,492 --> 00:10:22,124
Have a seat.
269
00:10:26,297 --> 00:10:28,899
I've been married 43 years.
270
00:10:28,900 --> 00:10:30,868
You think that's been easy?
271
00:10:30,869 --> 00:10:32,202
Ha.
272
00:10:32,203 --> 00:10:36,340
Marriage is... peaks and valleys.
273
00:10:36,341 --> 00:10:37,841
Heterosexual marriage,
274
00:10:37,842 --> 00:10:39,543
I don't know what the queers do.
275
00:10:39,544 --> 00:10:42,145
Christmas 1978, Mary Ellen told me,
276
00:10:42,146 --> 00:10:43,680
"Take a walk.
I don't wanna see you again.
277
00:10:43,681 --> 00:10:44,915
You're a piece of human garbage."
278
00:10:44,916 --> 00:10:47,117
I had a choice.
279
00:10:47,118 --> 00:10:48,585
I could've said, Okay, I shit the bed.
280
00:10:48,586 --> 00:10:49,987
My wife doesn't love me anymore.
281
00:10:49,988 --> 00:10:51,321
What's done is done,
282
00:10:51,322 --> 00:10:53,724
and I'll try harder the next marriage.
283
00:10:53,725 --> 00:10:57,261
Or I'm gonna fight like hell.
284
00:10:57,262 --> 00:10:59,229
I'm gonna win her back.
285
00:10:59,230 --> 00:11:01,497
That was the best decision
I ever made.
286
00:11:02,867 --> 00:11:06,069
Well... I'm doing the best I can.
287
00:11:06,070 --> 00:11:07,404
I don't know what else
I'm supposed to do.
288
00:11:07,405 --> 00:11:08,705
You gotta fight!
289
00:11:08,706 --> 00:11:09,940
A fruit basket isn't fighting.
290
00:11:09,941 --> 00:11:11,575
Hell, there wasn't even
any cantaloupe.
291
00:11:11,576 --> 00:11:13,844
Come on, get up.
I know you got it in you.
292
00:11:13,845 --> 00:11:15,412
Come on, you Jews are tough. Get up.
293
00:11:15,413 --> 00:11:16,780
Come on, get up!
294
00:11:16,781 --> 00:11:18,415
You got toughness in you. Hit me.
295
00:11:18,416 --> 00:11:20,584
I'm not gonna hit you.
Oh, go on, hit me.
296
00:11:20,585 --> 00:11:21,919
Come on, you got it in you.
297
00:11:21,920 --> 00:11:22,986
Come on, hit me.
298
00:11:22,987 --> 00:11:25,155
- There.
- Oh, hit me harder than that.
299
00:11:25,156 --> 00:11:26,523
Come on, hit me harder!
300
00:11:26,524 --> 00:11:28,592
Tough little queer. Tough queer, huh?
301
00:11:28,593 --> 00:11:30,427
Don't call me a queer.
You little Hollywood queer!
302
00:11:30,428 --> 00:11:32,396
Ahh! All right, all right, all right.
303
00:11:32,397 --> 00:11:35,032
That's enough. I'm an old man.
304
00:11:35,033 --> 00:11:36,366
You know what? You're right.
305
00:11:36,367 --> 00:11:38,235
You're absolutely right.
I'm gonna fight.
306
00:11:38,236 --> 00:11:40,037
I'm gonna fight for my wife.
307
00:11:40,038 --> 00:11:41,905
- I'm gonna fight for my marriage.
- Good.
308
00:11:41,906 --> 00:11:44,540
'Cause I want to go
back to Long Beach.
309
00:11:47,979 --> 00:11:54,051
? Happy birthday dear Lois ?
310
00:11:54,052 --> 00:11:58,788
? Happy birthday to you ??
311
00:12:00,224 --> 00:12:01,625
(CHEERING)
312
00:12:01,626 --> 00:12:03,393
Happy birthday!
313
00:12:03,394 --> 00:12:05,762
Should we open the presents?
314
00:12:05,763 --> 00:12:06,797
- Yes!
- Yes!
315
00:12:06,798 --> 00:12:08,498
This is from me and Moddy.
316
00:12:08,499 --> 00:12:11,133
My other daddy.
317
00:12:13,171 --> 00:12:15,038
What is it?
318
00:12:15,039 --> 00:12:18,742
It is a Louis Vuitton travel bag.
319
00:12:18,743 --> 00:12:19,977
Whoo.
320
00:12:19,978 --> 00:12:21,778
And I know you're a little
young for this right now,
321
00:12:21,779 --> 00:12:23,780
but believe me, when you're
older, you'll love it.
322
00:12:23,781 --> 00:12:25,582
And until then, I'll use it.
323
00:12:25,583 --> 00:12:27,551
What?
324
00:12:27,552 --> 00:12:29,953
- You got 'em?!
- Yes. (CHUCKLES)
325
00:12:29,954 --> 00:12:32,155
- What?!
- What are they tickets for?
326
00:12:32,156 --> 00:12:33,757
"The First Gentleman on Ice."
327
00:12:33,758 --> 00:12:35,525
- It's an ice show now?
- Yeah.
328
00:12:35,526 --> 00:12:37,294
It's becoming like "Harry Potter."
329
00:12:37,295 --> 00:12:38,996
You've would've been billionaires.
330
00:12:38,997 --> 00:12:40,464
It must rankle.
331
00:12:40,465 --> 00:12:42,165
Your sweater looks like diarrhea.
332
00:12:42,166 --> 00:12:43,500
Your face looks like diarrhea.
333
00:12:43,501 --> 00:12:45,302
Oh, your face looks like diarrhea.
334
00:12:45,303 --> 00:12:47,671
You're both diarrhea.
Okay, here, look.
335
00:12:47,672 --> 00:12:48,839
Who's this from?
336
00:12:48,840 --> 00:12:50,172
That one's from Hugh.
337
00:12:51,843 --> 00:12:55,112
A magic set! I wanted a magic set.
338
00:12:55,113 --> 00:12:57,314
I told him last year on my birthday.
339
00:12:57,315 --> 00:12:59,650
Wow, how did he remember that?
340
00:12:59,651 --> 00:13:02,719
Yeah, this one is from me, kiddo.
341
00:13:02,720 --> 00:13:05,421
How nice is that?!
342
00:13:09,961 --> 00:13:11,395
Wow! Oh.
343
00:13:11,396 --> 00:13:13,530
- Look how pretty she is.
- Yeah.
344
00:13:13,531 --> 00:13:14,865
I picked the one that looks like her.
345
00:13:14,866 --> 00:13:17,467
It looks just like you.
346
00:13:17,468 --> 00:13:20,037
Lois, honey, what do we say
when someone gives us a gift?
347
00:13:20,038 --> 00:13:21,471
Thank you.
348
00:13:21,472 --> 00:13:23,305
You're welcome.
349
00:13:26,811 --> 00:13:28,345
(MACHINE BEEPS)
350
00:13:28,346 --> 00:13:30,681
(WOMAN ON PA) Dr. Valentino
to the O.R., please.
351
00:13:30,682 --> 00:13:32,182
Oh, God.
352
00:13:32,183 --> 00:13:33,817
I'm sorry it took me
so long to get here.
353
00:13:33,818 --> 00:13:35,786
My God, how did this happen?
354
00:13:35,787 --> 00:13:37,187
I thought it was just a broken leg.
355
00:13:37,188 --> 00:13:40,223
They think maybe a piece
of bone broke off and...
356
00:13:40,224 --> 00:13:42,492
and got into her bloodstream
and then it went into her heart.
357
00:13:42,493 --> 00:13:46,329
And... I was here.
I-I I couldn't do anything.
358
00:13:46,330 --> 00:13:48,365
It's not your fault.
359
00:13:48,366 --> 00:13:50,701
(EXHALES)
360
00:13:50,702 --> 00:13:52,502
I love you, Hugh.
361
00:13:52,503 --> 00:13:54,637
I love you, Rachel.
362
00:14:05,583 --> 00:14:08,418
Hm, you were having a dream.
363
00:14:08,419 --> 00:14:09,920
Was I talking? Did I say something?
364
00:14:09,921 --> 00:14:11,188
No.
365
00:14:11,189 --> 00:14:13,023
How are you feeling?
366
00:14:13,024 --> 00:14:15,726
Like I like morphine. (CHUCKLES)
367
00:14:15,727 --> 00:14:17,527
Oh, my God, I gotta get to work.
368
00:14:17,528 --> 00:14:19,194
Okay.
369
00:14:21,199 --> 00:14:22,432
I'll see you tonight.
370
00:14:22,433 --> 00:14:24,768
Hey, you don't have
to keep staying here.
371
00:14:24,769 --> 00:14:26,502
I'm here as long as you are here.
372
00:14:31,209 --> 00:14:33,375
(CHUCKLES)
373
00:14:34,412 --> 00:14:35,712
I love you.
374
00:14:35,713 --> 00:14:39,114
Oh, I love you, too.
375
00:14:44,027 --> 00:14:45,817
Hey.
376
00:14:45,818 --> 00:14:47,118
Where is everyone?
377
00:14:47,119 --> 00:14:48,686
Hugh and Mark-Paul are rehearsing
378
00:14:48,687 --> 00:14:50,221
and Dave's meeting with the composer
379
00:14:50,222 --> 00:14:51,522
about the theme song.
380
00:14:51,523 --> 00:14:54,192
Are you kidding me?!
And what are you doing?
381
00:14:54,193 --> 00:14:56,561
Dave asked me to write some alt
jokes for the run-through.
382
00:14:56,562 --> 00:14:58,663
- So why am I here?
- (CELL PHONE CHIMES)
383
00:14:58,664 --> 00:15:01,131
Why do I even come to work anymore?
384
00:15:03,702 --> 00:15:06,704
Who's that? CBS promoting you
to head of CBS?
385
00:15:06,705 --> 00:15:08,139
It's Kristen Wiig.
386
00:15:08,140 --> 00:15:10,141
Name-drop much?
387
00:15:10,142 --> 00:15:11,442
You asked.
388
00:15:11,443 --> 00:15:13,278
She's inviting me
to her one-woman show,
389
00:15:13,279 --> 00:15:15,599
but I can't go 'cause
Mark-Paul's coming over tonight.
390
00:15:16,782 --> 00:15:18,449
Oh, my God! Jen would love it
391
00:15:18,450 --> 00:15:20,818
if she were played by Kristen Wiig.
392
00:15:20,819 --> 00:15:23,554
She's been obsessed with her
since Groundlings.
393
00:15:23,555 --> 00:15:26,357
When we first started
dating, Jen saw me do a show
394
00:15:26,358 --> 00:15:27,859
and I was doing a sketch with Kristen,
395
00:15:27,860 --> 00:15:31,362
and she said that's when she
first fell in love with me.
396
00:15:31,363 --> 00:15:33,765
This is how I fight for my marriage!
397
00:15:33,766 --> 00:15:36,334
Get Kristen Wiig to play my wife!
398
00:15:36,335 --> 00:15:38,903
Larry, this is perfect. I know!
399
00:15:38,904 --> 00:15:40,872
Oh, wait, except Kristen hates you.
400
00:15:40,873 --> 00:15:42,407
Well, she doesn't hate you.
401
00:15:42,408 --> 00:15:44,342
- You ask her.
- No.
402
00:15:44,343 --> 00:15:46,010
- Rachel!
- No!
403
00:15:46,011 --> 00:15:48,212
Fine.
404
00:15:48,213 --> 00:15:50,014
You know what's gonna happen?
405
00:15:50,015 --> 00:15:52,016
They're just gonna find
another one of these.
406
00:15:52,017 --> 00:15:54,185
There's a million of
these hot young things
407
00:15:54,186 --> 00:15:55,853
roaming around Hollywood,
408
00:15:55,854 --> 00:15:58,690
and they're all dying
to work with this guy,
409
00:15:58,691 --> 00:16:00,391
the recovering sex addict.
410
00:16:00,392 --> 00:16:02,727
And sooner or later,
he's gonna give in
411
00:16:02,728 --> 00:16:04,195
to temptation
and they're just gonna...
412
00:16:04,196 --> 00:16:07,065
(GROWLING, MUNCHING)
413
00:16:07,066 --> 00:16:10,368
But Kristen Wiig, your friend,
414
00:16:10,369 --> 00:16:12,035
is someone you can trust.
415
00:16:13,572 --> 00:16:15,106
Fine, maybe I can go tonight.
416
00:16:15,107 --> 00:16:17,741
(SAW WHIRRING)
417
00:16:19,278 --> 00:16:20,445
(SIGHS)
418
00:16:20,446 --> 00:16:22,332
So you're building the set yourself?
419
00:16:22,333 --> 00:16:24,401
Yeah, yeah, I mean,
it's a one-woman show.
420
00:16:24,402 --> 00:16:27,337
I wanted to embrace the whole
one-woman aspect of it, you know?
421
00:16:27,338 --> 00:16:29,272
I'm building the sets,
sew the costumes,
422
00:16:29,273 --> 00:16:30,507
I wrote the script. (CHUCKLES)
423
00:16:30,508 --> 00:16:32,075
Speaking of writing...
424
00:16:32,076 --> 00:16:34,044
- Oh, yeah, your show. That CBS...
- Yeah.
425
00:16:34,045 --> 00:16:37,080
So, anyway, it's about
a husband and wife.
426
00:16:37,081 --> 00:16:38,648
- Um, you'd be the wife.
- (NAIL GUN FIRING)
427
00:16:38,649 --> 00:16:41,251
And your parents move in
to help with the kids.
428
00:16:41,252 --> 00:16:42,886
Is this Larry's show?
429
00:16:42,887 --> 00:16:47,290
My agent sent me this script
and I fired her on the spot.
430
00:16:47,291 --> 00:16:49,259
Look, I'm sure it's really
funny if you wrote it,
431
00:16:49,260 --> 00:16:53,563
but I would never, ever,
ever work with that man.
432
00:16:53,564 --> 00:16:57,100
I would have to be insane. Never!
433
00:16:57,101 --> 00:16:58,400
'Kay.
434
00:17:00,204 --> 00:17:01,237
Who's playing Larry, by the way?
435
00:17:01,238 --> 00:17:03,106
Mark-Paul Gosselaar.
436
00:17:03,107 --> 00:17:04,874
Mark-Paul Gosselaar?
437
00:17:04,875 --> 00:17:06,776
- Cute.
- Yeah. In fact, I'm...
438
00:17:06,777 --> 00:17:08,778
- You know, I slept with Mark-Paul.
- Oh.
439
00:17:08,779 --> 00:17:10,313
You could throw a rock down any street
440
00:17:10,314 --> 00:17:12,415
in Los Angeles from 1990 and today
441
00:17:12,416 --> 00:17:14,284
and you would hit women that
slept with Mark-Paul Gosselaar.
442
00:17:14,285 --> 00:17:15,552
- (CELL PHONE CHIMING)
- Sorry, one second.
443
00:17:15,553 --> 00:17:17,053
Box office.
444
00:17:17,054 --> 00:17:18,888
(WHISPERS)
I'm also doing the box office.
445
00:17:18,889 --> 00:17:20,824
(SILENT MOUTHING) Great. Four tickets?
446
00:17:20,825 --> 00:17:22,759
Of course. Yeah.
447
00:17:22,760 --> 00:17:24,794
Um, oh, uh, would you
like best available
448
00:17:24,795 --> 00:17:27,063
or would you like me to explain
the seating configuration?
449
00:17:27,064 --> 00:17:28,732
It's one row, then the next
row and then there's...
450
00:17:28,733 --> 00:17:31,301
Best available, okay.
451
00:17:31,302 --> 00:17:32,569
Oh, I should give you a disclaimer.
452
00:17:32,570 --> 00:17:33,937
There will be no late seating.
453
00:17:33,938 --> 00:17:35,905
Oh, and there will be partial nudity.
454
00:17:35,906 --> 00:17:37,073
Possibly full nudity.
455
00:17:37,074 --> 00:17:38,508
(WHISPERS)
I haven't written the script.
456
00:17:38,509 --> 00:17:40,442
(NORMAL VOICE) Great, and your name?
457
00:17:41,512 --> 00:17:44,080
My in-laws are driving me crazy.
458
00:17:44,081 --> 00:17:46,316
That's somethin' no man has ever said.
459
00:17:46,317 --> 00:17:47,851
(LAUGHS) Actually, hold on.
460
00:17:47,852 --> 00:17:49,052
I want to try something, buddy.
461
00:17:49,053 --> 00:17:50,086
I think it could work.
462
00:17:50,087 --> 00:17:52,689
Oy gavult.
463
00:17:52,690 --> 00:17:54,524
My in-laws are driving me crazy.
464
00:17:54,525 --> 00:17:57,160
Right? Like I mean,
Larry's Jewish, right?
465
00:17:57,161 --> 00:17:58,394
Does he say "oy gavult"?
466
00:17:58,395 --> 00:18:01,297
Uh...
467
00:18:01,298 --> 00:18:03,333
Larry, would you say "oy gavult"?
468
00:18:03,334 --> 00:18:06,035
No! Unbelievable.
469
00:18:06,036 --> 00:18:07,871
- (CELL PHONE CHIMING)
- Oh, that's Rachel.
470
00:18:07,872 --> 00:18:10,807
What did Kristen Wiig say?
471
00:18:10,808 --> 00:18:12,008
No!
472
00:18:12,009 --> 00:18:14,144
No, she doesn't want to do it?
473
00:18:14,145 --> 00:18:15,545
What other "no" is there?
474
00:18:15,546 --> 00:18:16,646
So you just gave up?
475
00:18:16,647 --> 00:18:17,847
Thanks a lot, Rachel.
476
00:18:17,848 --> 00:18:20,350
I guess I have to fight
for my own marriage.
477
00:18:20,351 --> 00:18:22,150
Oy gavult.
478
00:18:27,124 --> 00:18:28,824
Here lies the old me.
479
00:18:30,194 --> 00:18:33,563
The girl that said no
when she could've said yes.
480
00:18:33,564 --> 00:18:36,498
The girl that said yes when she
didn't know what to say.
481
00:18:37,501 --> 00:18:41,770
The girl who just wanted to say,
"I'm hungry."
482
00:18:47,211 --> 00:18:48,677
Bye, Kristen.
483
00:18:49,980 --> 00:18:53,917
And now, here stands the new me.
484
00:18:53,918 --> 00:18:56,518
Bold and unafraid.
485
00:19:02,860 --> 00:19:04,860
Love yourself much, Kristen?
486
00:19:11,702 --> 00:19:12,902
Thank you.
487
00:19:12,903 --> 00:19:14,571
The gumbo recipe's
in the back of the program
488
00:19:14,572 --> 00:19:16,872
along with all my personal
information.
489
00:19:19,610 --> 00:19:20,777
Larry.
490
00:19:20,778 --> 00:19:23,012
Kristy!
491
00:19:23,013 --> 00:19:26,683
(CLAPPING) I loved every word.
492
00:19:26,684 --> 00:19:30,019
I loved every gesture.
I loved every moment.
493
00:19:30,020 --> 00:19:31,855
I'm not doing your stupid show.
494
00:19:31,856 --> 00:19:33,289
You look beautiful.
495
00:19:33,290 --> 00:19:35,425
This is the prettiest
you've ever looked.
496
00:19:35,426 --> 00:19:37,826
No offense, but I wasn't
a fan of the short hair.
497
00:19:42,700 --> 00:19:43,933
Just gorgeous.
498
00:19:43,934 --> 00:19:45,235
Get out.
499
00:19:45,236 --> 00:19:46,269
Okay.
500
00:19:46,270 --> 00:19:47,704
Oh, this is from your dad.
501
00:19:47,705 --> 00:19:50,338
He says, "You've always
been my shining star."
502
00:19:56,447 --> 00:19:57,846
(WHISPERS) Papa.
503
00:19:59,316 --> 00:20:00,749
Where are you?
504
00:20:01,952 --> 00:20:03,086
Thanks for coming.
505
00:20:03,087 --> 00:20:04,153
Thanks.
506
00:20:04,154 --> 00:20:05,755
Kristen.
507
00:20:05,756 --> 00:20:07,257
Larry, I am gonna call the police.
508
00:20:07,258 --> 00:20:08,424
You don't understand!
509
00:20:08,425 --> 00:20:09,959
My marriage is on the line.
510
00:20:09,960 --> 00:20:11,394
Someone married you?
511
00:20:11,395 --> 00:20:13,463
Please, I'm begging you.
512
00:20:13,464 --> 00:20:15,331
Larry, your hand's all wet.
513
00:20:15,332 --> 00:20:17,901
I'm sorry, they're always
a little wet.
514
00:20:17,902 --> 00:20:20,270
Kristen, if you care
at all about me...
515
00:20:20,271 --> 00:20:21,471
I don't care about you.
516
00:20:21,472 --> 00:20:23,673
Kristy, please.
517
00:20:23,674 --> 00:20:26,242
They're really, really wet.
518
00:20:26,243 --> 00:20:28,711
I'm sorry, I'm nervous. I need this!
519
00:20:28,712 --> 00:20:30,079
Okay, can you just please leave?
520
00:20:30,080 --> 00:20:31,180
I'm serious, get outta here.
521
00:20:31,181 --> 00:20:32,348
I can't.
522
00:20:32,349 --> 00:20:34,617
You valeted my car.
523
00:20:34,618 --> 00:20:36,051
Give me your ticket.
524
00:20:37,288 --> 00:20:39,589
- Yay!
- Wow, great job!
525
00:20:39,590 --> 00:20:42,659
How are you doing that? So good!
526
00:20:42,660 --> 00:20:44,093
(RACHEL GIGGLES)
527
00:20:44,094 --> 00:20:46,296
I'm gonna get a little more water.
528
00:20:46,297 --> 00:20:48,031
(ETHAN) Let's do something with these.
529
00:20:48,032 --> 00:20:50,632
Oh, is this one of those like
hide-the-ball things?
530
00:21:17,394 --> 00:21:18,494
(HUGH) How's this?
531
00:21:18,495 --> 00:21:19,896
(LOW GROANING)
532
00:21:19,897 --> 00:21:21,264
How's that? Is that okay?
533
00:21:21,265 --> 00:21:23,132
- Yeah, yeah, thanks, thanks.
- Yeah?
534
00:21:23,133 --> 00:21:25,168
You're so good to me.
535
00:21:25,169 --> 00:21:26,903
I never thought I'd end up
with a good guy,
536
00:21:26,904 --> 00:21:28,638
but you really are
one of the good guys.
537
00:21:28,639 --> 00:21:32,575
Oh... let's get the TV
on for you, huh?
538
00:21:32,576 --> 00:21:34,811
Listen, Hugh, I'm really
not used to people
539
00:21:34,812 --> 00:21:36,779
taking care of me,
so I'm probably gonna be
540
00:21:36,780 --> 00:21:38,815
- pretty awful over the next few months.
- Oh.
541
00:21:38,816 --> 00:21:40,616
We'll get through it.
542
00:21:40,617 --> 00:21:41,784
- All right?
- Okay.
543
00:21:41,785 --> 00:21:42,952
We'll get through it, okay?
544
00:21:42,953 --> 00:21:44,954
Let's get some tea.
545
00:21:44,955 --> 00:21:47,957
Looks like this "Bridesmaid"
is about to be a bride.
546
00:21:47,958 --> 00:21:49,826
Yeah, a fan captured
this magical moment
547
00:21:49,827 --> 00:21:52,662
when Kristen Wiig said yes
to her special fella.
548
00:21:52,663 --> 00:21:54,297
I guess it's "Love from New York,
549
00:21:54,298 --> 00:21:56,265
it's Saturday Night"
for this "SNL" alum.
550
00:21:56,266 --> 00:21:58,101
The question is, who's the lucky guy?
551
00:21:58,102 --> 00:21:59,435
Because we have never seen him before.
552
00:21:59,436 --> 00:22:01,504
That's what makes Kristen Wiig
so relatable.
553
00:22:01,505 --> 00:22:03,840
She doesn't need
the good-looking TV star.
554
00:22:03,841 --> 00:22:06,676
She likes a regular nobody
like this guy.
555
00:22:06,677 --> 00:22:08,511
Congratulations to the happy couple.
556
00:22:08,512 --> 00:22:11,547
Okay, Dorf.
557
00:22:11,548 --> 00:22:16,853
You just messed with
Kristen Gloriana Van Wiig.
558
00:22:16,854 --> 00:22:20,256
And now you're gonna get burned.
559
00:22:20,257 --> 00:22:22,024
Aiy! Ow!
560
00:22:22,025 --> 00:22:24,026
Ow! Oh! Ow! My crotch.
561
00:22:24,027 --> 00:22:25,660
Oh, my God, my crotch.
562
00:22:25,708 --> 00:22:31,962
Subtitle sync and corrections by
awaqeded for www.addic7ed.com.
563
00:22:32,012 --> 00:22:36,562
Repair and Synchronization by
Easy Subtitles Synchronizer 1.0.0.0
39513
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