All language subtitles for Modern.Family.S10E14

[ Stella panting ]The vet called.

Stella's test results
came back.

He wants me to
bring her in...today.

Oh, no.
Come here, you.

Oh, Jay,
I'm so sorry.

That is the bad thing
about loving animals, right?

But think about all the
wonderful things you gave her,

like a beautiful home,
delicious food...

[ Lid thuds ]...our marital bed.

Ay, Stella will not
be forgotten.

I'm not putting her down,
you goblin.

She needs a surgery.

Oh. That is
such great news.

Oh, what's wrong
with Stella?

She has an elongated
soft palate,

which is why sometimes
it's hard for her to breathe.

And she snores a lot.

Any chance that
they can do you, too?

This is a serious operation.
They have to put her out.

What happens
if she doesn't wake up?

What would I do?!

When I got
my wisdom teeth out,

you made me walk the last
four blocks to the dentist

so you could get an Egg McMuffin
before the 10:30 cut-off.

You're gonna
have to let that go.

You know what?
I'm not gonna do it.

She seems fine.Maybe she just needs

some fresh air
to breathe better.

Why don't we take her
to the dog park?

That's a great idea. Might be
a little muddy out there.

I'm gonna get your boots,
gorgeous.

Thank you.

My boots are in the closet,
next to the --

Was he just talking
to Stella?

Come here, you.

♪♪

Crown molding wainscoting,
crown molding wainscoting,

French door credit score,
French door credit score.

You warming up
for a big showing?

Very big.

I finally found Pepper
his dream house.

I can't believe you're still

letting that man
waste your time.

How many houses
have you shown him?

Pfft, only, like --
I don't know, like, uh, 120.

But we have fun.
He's a hoot.

Honey, even Mitch and Cam agree
that he's impossible,

and he's never gonna
buy a house.

Yes, he will.
No.

He always manages
to find something wrong.

The last house, the yoga room
was too close to the panic room.

He was willing
to live with that,

but the property
wasn't zoned for his falcons.

This one today, though,
checks every single box.

Great. So if Pepper doesn't
buy the house today,

you agree to stop letting
him string you along

and drop him as a client.

How long did you string me along
before I closed that deal?

Honey, you can't
get Pepper pregnant

and trap him in a house.You're on.

You remember
you need to be home

by 5:00, right?
Yeah.

Wait, why?

Alex's boyfriend, Bill,
has cooked up some invention

he wants us to invest in.

Why us?

Because someone
inspired him.

As you can see,
my patent-pending

Wear-Chair TM,
barely noticeable.

I love it.
Whenever I get
tired of standing,

all I have to do --
press this button.

A spring-loaded leg jets out to
provide me with a comfy seat.

[ Grunts ]

You put it on backwards,
didn't you?

[ Strained ]
My point is, Bill,

there's a great invention
inside all of us.

Please,
just be home in time.

I don't want to crush
a man's dreams on my own.

You have to do it with me.

Who knows? We might love
his invention.

It's gonna be stupid.

Good thing you weren't
married to George Foreman

or we'd still be grilling
our meats one side at a time.

Mm.

So, Lily, how --
how are you today?!

Lily?!

[ Snaps fingers ]
Lily.

Your father was just asking
how you're doing.

Are --
Are you all right?

I'm fine.
Okay.

Yeah.

[ Whispering ] Okay, uh...
I gestured you over here

'cause we need to
talk about Lily.

Yes, I puzzled that out.

Also, you don't need to whisper.
Watch.

Honey, your father and I
may get divorced

because he's thinking
about becoming a woman.

That explains a lot.

I'm in between songs.Okay, all right.
Now out. This way.

What is going on
with her?

I don't want to be shut out
like this another day.

I know, but let's --
let's not get hysterical.

I'm not getting
hysterical.

We're minutes away.Fair enough.

I just want to see
her smile.

Yeah, okay, I'm gonna
text Ronaldo again.

Hopefully he got us into
that KimmyLoveandStuff party.

KimmyLoveandStuff
is an Internet sensation

that Lily loves.
Yeah.

Boom!She tries on clothes,

she cries about bullies
and plastic.

You guys, just imagine

if you were a turtle
and this happened to you.

Our whole family
is obsessed with her.

And that's the great thing
about a tween girl

having two gay dads.

I mean, we --
we love the same things.

Cute guys,
fashion, gossip.

[ Whoosh ]Oh, my God!
Ronaldo, he got us in!

Amazing.
[ Laughs ]

Okay, we have to get him
a thank-you gift.

No, no, he owes you, okay?

You gave him
your bone marrow.

Well, how could I not?

He was still hungry, and I
wasn't gonna eat any more of it.

And we make our way back
to the formal entryway,

which, according
to your checklist,

"must be large enough
to make people swoon

when they step inside."

I want to do it again.

Ugh, that Pepper claims
to be wealthy,

but I don't believe it
for a --

[ Gasps ]
Oh, my heavens!

We're peasants.
[ Laughs ]

It's got everything
on your list --

piano bar,
his and his dining rooms,

plus a view of Rihanna's roof,
which I never quite understood.

I did a party for her once,
and I could feel

those judgy Barbadian eyes
looking down on me.

Now who's looking down
on who, RiRi?

Like they say, location,
location, vengeance.

[ Laughs ]
You're funny.

Oh, it's fabulous, Phil.
Mother would love it.

It's her generosity
and my power of attorney

that are making
this purchase possible.

So...are we ready
to sign the offer?

Very close.

I just want to live
in it for a bit,

get a feel
for the everyday.

You're in no hurry,
right?

Oh, no, no, no.
If I was in a hurry,

would I have shown you
over 200 houses?

I can't wait
to get to the park.

Hey, there's our mailman.

Hey! Hey!

Settle down, Jay.

Boy, I'm itchy today.

Hey, I hope that dog
Bingo's at the park.

He's fun to play with.

What are you doing?
You just missed our turn.

I'm just
going another way.

There is no other way.

You're not taking us
to the park.

We're going to the vet.

The doctor said
that she needs this surgery.

She's gonna be fine.I feel sick. I need some air.

So, here I am on an ordinary day
in my new house

everyone hates me for and
I'm walking and I'm kvelling...[ Sighs ]

And we're panting
and we're schvitzing...

And we're laughing
and we're crying...[ Laughs ]

And we're thinking.

[ Whispering ]
And I'm putting.

[ Whispering ] So,
you have an entire wardrobe

in your car?
Shh!

♪ And I'm playing
and I'm singing ♪

♪ And they're loving it

[ Clapping ]

I said loving it.

[ Loud clapping ]

[ Sighs ]
This is a disaster!

What a fun way
to enter a room.

I know Bill's coming over
to talk to you guys today,

and I'm freaking out.Oh, honey, don't worry.

We're not gonna invest
in his invention.

That's not why
he wants to talk to you.

It's a cover.

He's going to ask
for your blessing to marry me.

Whoa, what?And you have to tell him no.

How do you know this?

All of the men in his family
propose on Valentine's Day,

which is coming up.

I read a text he sent
to his buddy

who just got engaged
asking for tips

for a good proposal,
and my friend saw him

coming out of
a jewelry store.

So you read his texts
and you track his movements.

I can see why he's so eager
to lock you down.

Look, I really like
being with Bill,

and if I have to
turn him down,

that means the end of
the relationship

and all that great sex.

Really come out of your shell,
haven't you?

[ Dance music plays ]

-Okay.
-[ Chuckles ]

Okay. Are you ready?!
Surprise!

I'm gonna need a little bit
more information.

You are at KimmyLoveandStuff's
exclusive launch party...KimmyLoveandStuff.

...for her new makeup line,
and she's gonna sing

her hit single...Single!

..."Give Me Love and Stuff.""Love and Stuff."

Okay.
How did you guys do this?

Hello, total strangers.
[ Laughs ] Welcome.

Thank you so much
for doing this, Ronaldo.

If anyone
asks who you are,

say you were looking for
the Garth Brooks book signing.

Oh.They'll believe you
because of your clothes.

I'm gonna go look
for the bathroom.

Okay.Oh, look, she is so nervous,
it's adorable.

Um, uh, do you think
that there's any way

we can get KimmyLoveandStuff
to come over and meet Lily?

I'm not allowed to look her
in the eye, so no.

[ Static ]This is Ronaldo.

Just pick it up, blow on it,
and put it back on the tray.

Are you kidding me
with these questions?

[ Exhales sharply ]
We got to get KimmyLoveandStuff

to say hi to Lily.[ Gasps ] Well, there's
her dog, Boo, so she's nearby.

Okay, I just got a really
sketchy but great idea.

Um, did you pack
your jerky?

Turkey, beef, or salmon?

Here's what we're gonna do.Oh, please.

This is not the first time
I've lured an animal

away from its owner
with my purse jerky.

♪♪

Boo, come here.
Boo, you want some food?

Good girl. Come here.

[ Screams ]
Move! Boo!

Does anyone have eyes
on Boo?!

Those old men
snatched her.

Are you trying to
steal my dog?

No, no, no, no. I'm so sorry.
We were just --

We're just trying to,
uh, get your attention.

Yeah, you see, our daughter,
Lily, she --

she's a massive fan

and she's a little depressed
right now and we just --

we want to see
her smile again.

Oh...my...God.

Gay dads are the best!

That's what we said.We say that.

I think it's because
we love to have fun,

but we're also
not afraid to get real.

Aww. I hate the idea
of your daughter not smiling.

[ Sighs ]Let's go make her day.

Okay, well,
that's her right there.

Um, that's Lily.

Film this.

I-Is she talking to me?

Yeah.

Of course, Ms. LoveandStuff.
[ Chuckles ]

Hey, lovers and stuffers.
It's your girl, Kimmy.

We're here at my launch party

where I'm about to surprise
my biggest fan.

You ready to see someone's mind
kim-plode?

Hey, Lily.
You having fun and stuff?

[ Clapping ]Hey.

Lily,
it's KimmyLoveandStuff.

I know. I said "hey."

You know what?
I think she's in shock.

Lily, why don't you tell her
your favorite video.

Mine was when you tackled racism

and gave yourself that cute
fishtail braid.[ Chuckles ]

Uh-huh. And Lily.

I don't watch them anymore.
Sorry. Can we go?

Cut! Give me that!

Lily? You're --
You're being very rude.

Extra rude!

And who are you people
and how did you get in here?

Both: Garth Brooks.When I find out,
heads will roll.

I'm so embarrassed.Both: You'reso embarrassed?

You're so embarrassed?

[ Dogs barking ]

Okay.
We're ready for Stella.

Well, I'm not ready.

Jay, come on.Ah.

All right. Careful.

Wait a second.
I-I have to say something.

Little girl,
I know you're scared.

Me too.
But you're a fighter.

"Don't worry, Daddy.
I'll be fine."

She doesn't
sound like that.

Sorry.
She'll do great.

What is going on with you?
I've never seen you like this.

I don't know.

When I was 10,
Dad came home with a rescue,

and I was
so damned excited.

But the dog wanted nothing
to do with me --

went straight to my sister
and never left her side.

Then years later, we got
a puppy who went right to Dede,

growled at me every time
I went near her.

But with Stella, I didn't even
bother trying, and she chose me.

Now I may never
see her again.

I-I-I can't sit here.
I need to take a walk.

What kind of surgery?

They just have to
fix her breathing.

It's not a big deal.

Hmm.
Is that what they told you?

I'd be careful
if I were you.

What do you mean?

Men get crazy
about their animals.

My husband had this horrible cat
with a big lump on its neck.

It was benign,
didn't bother my husband,

but I couldn't stand
looking at it.

So one day,
when my husband was at work,

I brought the cat in here
to have them take

that thing off and --
Kchhh.

It died
right on the table.

Ay, no.
Was your husband mad?

Ex-husband, so yeah.

Ay...Damn it.

Hola.

Hello?

[ Dogs barking ]

Well, all righty.
I thought I was next.

Well, that's the first time I've
slow-cooked ribs for a showing.

Mother's recipe.

So, are you ready
to make an offer?

[ Exhales deeply ]

I don't know, Phil.

Don't know what, Pep?

[ Sighs ]

I'm just not feeling it.Oh.

Maybe we should see
some more houses?No problemo.

Um, did you want to look
in another neighborhood

or stay right here
in Hell?!

Aah! Oh!
I beg your --

No, I beg. For God's sakes,
buy this house.

I've worked harder for you than
any client in my entire career.

[ Cellphone ringing ]I don't know
if you're indecisive,

sadistic,
or just plain crazy.

Hey there, honey.

You're still there,
aren't you?

He's just dotting the I's,
crossing the T's.

Yanking your chain.
Dump him.

Listen, Bill's about to
be here any minute,

and the situation
has changed.

[ Engine starts ]

Got to go.

[ Tires squeal ]

Get back here! I found you
a bathroom with a koi pond!

[ Engine revs, horn honks ]

I have Stella! Get in!

[ Engine revs ]Where is she?

She's in the back.Is she okay?

I busted her out.
I can't make you do this.

If something happens to her,

you're never going to
forgive me,

and I don't want to lose you
like that.

Well, that's touching, but you
just blew through a stop sign.

She'd probably
be safer at the vet.

[ Beep ][ Ringing ]

Ronaldo.
It's Phil Dunphy.

Hello, Phil.

I'm preparing
a plate for a diva.

Is everything okay?

Uh, actually, no.

I lost my temper with Pepper
when he told me

he wanted to see more houses,
and I've been calling

to apologize, but...He's not picking up.

How did you know?

It seemed the only
possible conclusion

to your sentence.Oh.

Phil,
do you know the reason

I stopped house hunting
with Pepper?

Was it when that seller
thought Pepper was your grandpa?

He hasn't let me wear
sunscreen since.

No. I finally realized
he wasn't going to buy a house.

Are you kidding?
I've wasted hundreds of hours.

I postponed hernia surgery.
Why would he do that to me?

He likes you.

Most straight guys
find Pepper annoying,

but you're always
so nice with him.

I think he's afraid
if he buys a house,

he'll never see you again.Really?

Wow, it's so painful keeping
everything inside.

It's how he was raised.

No,
my truss isn't working.

I've got to schedule
that procedure.

Do you know
where Pepper is?

He has a special place
he goes when he's sad.

It's pretty gay.

Have you ever seen
the movie "La La Land"?

Of course. Wait,
does he go to the bench

overlooking the city where
Ryan Gosling and Emma Stone

tap danced into
each other's hearts?

That's not so gay.
Okay.

[ Car door closes ]No, no, no, no, no, no.

Take those things off,
please.

We need to talk about whatever's
going on with you right now.

I'm fine.No, you're not fine.

You're sullen
and aloof and --

and you embarrassed us in front
of KimmyLoveandStu--

I can't say it again.
I can't.

Okay, we gave you
every tween girl's dream day,

and -- and you can
barely crack a smile.

It's not mydream day.
It's yours.

I'm not the same kind
of tween girl you guys are.

But we love
all the same things.

I've changed.
I don't like Beyoncé.

[ Both gasp ]You take that back!

Or Britney.[ Both gasp ]

Or Gaga.[ Gasps ]

I only fake it 'cause
you guys like that stuff.

I'm different.

Well, honey, is it --

is that why you've been feeling
so down, because you --

you feel different than us?

I don't know. I guess I feel
different than a lot of people.

Well, sweetie,
that is one thing

your dad and I
can relate to.

I guess, well, that's the great
thing about having two gay dads.

We -- We know what it feels
like to be an outsider.

Okay,
but here's what happens.

You start finding people
who don't quite fit in,

and you start not
fitting in together.

We never want you
to feel like

you have to be
someone else for us.

Never.
I mean --

What is this music
you're always listening to?

Come on. Let us in.
Yeah.

Okay. I like this.

Okay.
Let's put it on, huh?

All right. Here we go.[ Beep ]

[ Screaming]
♪ Where's your sanity?♪

Fun!
Yeah.

Yeah, yeah, I like it.

She's gonna kill us someday.Mm-hmm.

Hey. I just want to say,
I really appreciate you

wanting to save Stella
like that.

Well, Stella is not
the only one that choose you.

I choose you every day, and I
love her more than I show.

[ Barking ]

Okay, sweetheart.
Let's get you inside.

I'll throw on a couple of steaks
for both of us.

[ Whines ]

What the hell
dog is this?

It's Stella.
No, it's not.

Eight years,
you don't recognize our dog?

Well, 10 years, and you don't
notice one haircut?

[ Panting ]

By the time we got through to
the vet, the surgery was over.

And Stella was fine.

I just have to say Gloria
really stepped up

and nursed my baby
back to health.

Only one problem.

Stella choose me now.

It's not real.
You give her pain meds.

It's like she's sucking up
to her dealer.

[ Doorbell rings ]Hi, Bill.

Hey.
Come on in.

Thanks. Is, uh,
Mr. Dunphy around, too?

Uh, no, he's probably
on his way back,

and we should definitely
wait for him.

[ Chuckles ]Oh. I actually have to
get to work pretty soon.

Do you think maybe you could
just speak for the both of you?

Nope. [ Chuckles ]
Phil is very opinionated.

And strict.
"What I say goes around here."

He's a very scary
customer.

Okay. I don't really
have a choice here.

Mm-hmm.
[ Breathes deeply ]

Mr. and Mrs. Dunphy...

would you be willing to take
a chance on a guy like me

and let me --Alex is too young
to get married.

I'm sorry. Phil,
who is very quick to anger,

would never allow it.

Oh, I wasn't asking
to marry Alex.

[ Breathing deeply ]

What -- What's happening?[ Belt jingles ]

And then it got weirder.

Ladies and gentlemen...Hmm?

...I give you
my new invention,

the Pull-Yourself-Up-
By-Your-Bootstraps-TM.

How many times
has this happened to you?

You're in bed, asleep.

All of a sudden...

Oh, no.

It's an earthquake.
No time to get dressed.

I'm gonna have to run out
into the street naked again.

Huh.
Unless...

Oh.

[ Zipper closes ]

And I'm out the door
in seconds.

Oh, okay.That's it?

You didn't come to ask
for my hand in marriage?

Wh-- Of course not.

What do you mean,
"of course not"?

What are we doing,
Bill?

Honey, take the win.

Okay, first of all,

you're a super smart,
independent woman

with an amazing future
ahead of you.

Why would you want to
get married right now?

Mm-hmm, mm-hmm.
So, what were you doing

in that jewelry store
yesterday?

I was getting a battery
for my watch.

How did you know
I was in a jewelry store?And what about that text you s--

For what it's worth,

if that's what I thought you
wanted, I would propose today.

Hmm.I'm pretty sure
you're my forever someone.

Really?

Alexandra Dunphy...

would you --
Mom!

Okay, everybody up.
All right.

[ Clears throat ]There we go.
A lot of fires to put out.

Next time,
I'll get to the end.

Next time,
I might be ready.

Ugh. Not a fan
of liberated Alex.

Ugh.

[ Insects chirping ]

Lovely night.

What are you
doing here?

I called Ronaldo
looking for you.

[ Sighs ]

I come to this place

when life turns out
not to be a musical.

I'm up here a lot.

I'm sorry
I yelled at you.

Well, Phil,
you're not the first person

to find me a tad trying.

This may shock you,
but I don't have many friends.

Express some shock,
Phil.

But you have tons
of friends.

Mitch and Cam love you.

Yeah, they're okay
in small doses.

And a straight-guy friend,
never.

A lot of straight guys
find me...

Annoying?
Intimidating.

Wait for me to finish.
This isn't Mad Libs.

Don't you believe that
I like you, though, Pepper?

I want to,
but maybe I'm just a big,

fat mother's purse
to you.

I'm your friend, Pepper

[ Gasps ]
What are you doing?

This is a yellow suit!

♪ Till the end, Pepper

You're making a scene!

♪ I know that old line

♪ But as soon as I sign,
he'll toss me aside like ♪

♪ Yesterday's wine

♪ My heart's on my sleeve

♪ I want to believe

This is weird.
We're people!

Look.
[ Sighs ]

The only way
you're ever gonna find out

if we're friends
is if you buy that house

and see
if I stick around.

Seems like
an expensive experiment.

Sign the offer...
if you love the house.

[ Sighs ]Either that or fire me.

It's the only way
you're gonna know.

[ Sighs ]

[ Insects chirping ]

My heart is in your --I'll see you.

I knew it. Assassin!

[ Laughing ]
I'm messing with you.

That's what I do
with my friends.

[ Laughing ]
Oh. I see. Delightful.

I'm new
at straight chummery.

♪♪

Stop checking
your watch, Phil.

[ Snores ]
Oh, no!

It's the big one!

And I'm not dressed!

Grab the earthquake kit!

Everybody, get under a table!

There's cash in the freezer!

[ Zipper closes ]

Honey, we got to get in on this.

Ah. My high-school boyfriend
could have used that.

You ruined it.