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1
00:00:02,977 --> 00:00:03,444
What'd I miss?
2
00:00:04,225 --> 00:00:07,154
There was this big flash, some fire
shot out, and now he's just coming to.
3
00:00:07,251 --> 00:00:08,967
What?! I was only gone for a second!
4
00:00:09,112 --> 00:00:10,363
Shh! I want to see this.
5
00:00:11,442 --> 00:00:12,943
Oh, for God's sake, Hal!
6
00:00:13,638 --> 00:00:15,764
Pay the money and get a repairman.
7
00:00:15,836 --> 00:00:18,869
I am not wasting good money
when I am perfectly capable...
8
00:00:22,485 --> 00:00:27,116
9
00:00:30,233 --> 00:00:32,508
Scholarships, financial
aid cover $26,000.
10
00:00:32,591 --> 00:00:34,892
Plus the Fleish Grant,
the Hanelin Fellowship,
11
00:00:35,208 --> 00:00:36,837
the $220 scratcher your dad won.
12
00:00:37,346 --> 00:00:39,060
I got accepted into Harvard.
13
00:00:39,332 --> 00:00:41,589
We don't know how we're going to
pay for it, but we've got to find a way.
14
00:00:41,810 --> 00:00:42,782
It's my dream school.
15
00:00:43,238 --> 00:00:44,755
It's 2,000 miles away from Mom.
16
00:00:44,975 --> 00:00:45,805
The Cook Grant...
17
00:00:46,881 --> 00:00:48,363
we're still $5,000 short.
18
00:00:48,598 --> 00:00:48,951
What?!
19
00:00:49,115 --> 00:00:51,121
Those thieving Harvard bastards!
20
00:00:51,459 --> 00:00:52,973
Well, well, well...
21
00:00:53,137 --> 00:00:55,855
Mr. Knows How To Multiply is
freaking out about his future
22
00:00:56,220 --> 00:00:57,684
while I am set for life.
23
00:00:58,079 --> 00:01:01,646
Reese, don't you think it's
even a little bit sad to become a janitor at your own high school?
24
00:01:01,736 --> 00:01:05,129
Assistant janitor. All mop
and no paperwork.
25
00:01:05,402 --> 00:01:07,162
Okay, I've packed all
your winter clothes,
26
00:01:07,212 --> 00:01:09,068
your comic books and
half your knickknacks.
27
00:01:09,327 --> 00:01:09,869
Guess what.
28
00:01:09,916 --> 00:01:12,800
We have the same
Quiet Riot CD, roomie.
29
00:01:12,872 --> 00:01:14,326
Stop calling me that.
30
00:01:14,501 --> 00:01:16,342
I'm not your roommate
for another two weeks.
31
00:01:16,482 --> 00:01:17,360
12 days!
32
00:01:17,465 --> 00:01:20,026
The second you graduate, you
are out of this house and into his.
33
00:01:23,148 --> 00:01:24,160
What other jobs can you get?
34
00:01:24,344 --> 00:01:25,924
I've already got three
shifts in the cafeteria,
35
00:01:26,138 --> 00:01:27,372
Monday and Wednesday at the bookstore
36
00:01:27,624 --> 00:01:28,704
and mopping the dorms at night.
37
00:01:28,975 --> 00:01:30,793
I don't know, I guess I could chop
vegetables during chem lab.
38
00:01:30,829 --> 00:01:31,974
This is outrageous!
39
00:01:32,293 --> 00:01:34,561
Kids with half your brains
are getting full rides!
40
00:01:34,721 --> 00:01:37,230
They didn't correct their interviewer
on his pronunciation of "Sarte."
41
00:01:37,416 --> 00:01:38,038
Sartre.
42
00:01:38,089 --> 00:01:39,157
I don't care.
43
00:01:39,161 --> 00:01:40,901
We will find the money somehow.
44
00:01:43,337 --> 00:01:45,540
This is as good a time
as any to talk about it.
45
00:01:45,708 --> 00:01:47,202
I do have a private life.
46
00:01:47,346 --> 00:01:49,286
I'll keep it confined
to my own room,
47
00:01:49,520 --> 00:01:51,296
but you should probably
know my safe word.
48
00:01:54,078 --> 00:01:55,310
It's weird to think about.
49
00:01:55,845 --> 00:01:57,802
Pretty soon you guys will be gone.
50
00:01:57,983 --> 00:01:58,343
Yeah.
51
00:01:58,959 --> 00:01:59,725
And this...
52
00:02:00,029 --> 00:02:01,531
just sitting around hanging out...
53
00:02:01,848 --> 00:02:03,292
We're not going to have
many more of these.
54
00:02:03,550 --> 00:02:05,997
No, we sure won't.
55
00:02:06,847 --> 00:02:10,041
Seems like only yesterday you
and I were going to homecoming,
56
00:02:10,090 --> 00:02:14,853
putting the school paper to bed, fretting
over our first big date with Sharon Hines.
57
00:02:16,525 --> 00:02:18,304
That kiss went on forever.
58
00:02:18,305 --> 00:02:21,013
Uh, Mr. Kenarban, Stevie's supposed
to help me work on my speech.
59
00:02:21,014 --> 00:02:22,542
Right, right.
60
00:02:22,771 --> 00:02:24,371
Mr. Valedictorian.
61
00:02:24,728 --> 00:02:26,023
Congratulations again.
62
00:02:26,608 --> 00:02:29,897
I'm glad my son can help you out
with your big, important speech.
63
00:02:30,068 --> 00:02:32,818
It's probably that selflessness
that got him the second spot.
64
00:02:33,075 --> 00:02:33,580
Dad!
65
00:02:33,635 --> 00:02:35,563
I'm not insulting salutatorian. It's...
66
00:02:36,068 --> 00:02:36,826
It's quite an honor.
67
00:02:37,404 --> 00:02:41,816
I'm just glad that even after I got
Cedric Hampton to be the school's commencement speaker,
68
00:02:41,974 --> 00:02:46,482
they still had the integrity to make you
valedictorian and not my crippled son.
69
00:02:46,647 --> 00:02:47,501
Go!
70
00:02:49,454 --> 00:02:51,999
I wonder if moving out and being
on my own is going to change me?
71
00:02:52,854 --> 00:02:54,174
Do you think I'll
get a British accent?
72
00:02:55,885 --> 00:02:56,553
Absolutely.
73
00:02:57,213 --> 00:02:57,798
Hey, wait.
74
00:02:58,596 --> 00:02:59,974
You know what us moving out means.
75
00:03:00,214 --> 00:03:00,543
What?
76
00:03:00,905 --> 00:03:02,534
We can get rid of
the nuclear option.
77
00:03:02,554 --> 00:03:03,843
-Oh, my God.
-You're right.
78
00:03:10,396 --> 00:03:13,112
What's the... nuclear option?
79
00:03:14,147 --> 00:03:16,215
Evidence of the worst
thing we ever did.
80
00:03:20,805 --> 00:03:23,777
This is what made sure that no matter
how bad we screwed each other over,
81
00:03:25,192 --> 00:03:26,265
there was always a limit.
82
00:03:26,711 --> 00:03:29,265
None of us could push anyone to a
point where they had nothing to lose.
83
00:03:29,541 --> 00:03:31,550
Or they'd just pull the trigger
and destroy all of us.
84
00:03:31,991 --> 00:03:34,334
How bad... can it be?
85
00:03:35,393 --> 00:03:38,395
One time we made Mom
think... she had cancer.
86
00:03:38,939 --> 00:03:40,074
But we had a really good reason.
87
00:03:40,958 --> 00:03:43,099
Stop saying it'll be all right!
88
00:03:43,316 --> 00:03:45,743
You'll never be able
to raise them alone!
89
00:03:46,669 --> 00:03:48,960
Mom, I know this
is a bad time, but...
90
00:03:49,101 --> 00:03:50,650
can you sign
these report cards?
91
00:03:54,558 --> 00:03:55,595
It's not like we're proud of it.
92
00:03:56,206 --> 00:03:58,232
I mean, we were proud of it,
but we're not proud of it now.
93
00:03:58,483 --> 00:03:59,573
The point is, we can get rid of it.
94
00:04:00,117 --> 00:04:02,124
Dewey, I think you should do this.
95
00:04:02,342 --> 00:04:02,863
Really?
96
00:04:04,244 --> 00:04:04,552
Me?
97
00:04:04,787 --> 00:04:06,162
You're going to be the
oldest around here soon.
98
00:04:06,724 --> 00:04:07,816
It'll be good for your maturity.
99
00:04:09,024 --> 00:04:09,923
This is your show.
100
00:04:10,118 --> 00:04:10,819
Make us proud.
101
00:04:11,822 --> 00:04:15,044
I always pictured this day coming,
except both of you were dead.
102
00:04:16,128 --> 00:04:17,817
What the heck, it still feels great.
103
00:04:19,754 --> 00:04:20,704
Listen, I am begging you.
104
00:04:20,720 --> 00:04:22,576
I just need $5,000.
105
00:04:23,083 --> 00:04:25,533
You think I would be calling
you if I wasn't desperate?
106
00:04:26,868 --> 00:04:29,465
Look, I know how much
you hate me, but...
107
00:04:29,902 --> 00:04:31,589
No kidding, I'm at rock bottom.
108
00:04:31,590 --> 00:04:35,149
I've got no money, no prospects
and nowhere else to turn.
109
00:04:36,943 --> 00:04:37,548
Well...
110
00:04:38,287 --> 00:04:40,499
Can I speak to a senior loan officer?
111
00:04:42,377 --> 00:04:45,238
So, 3:15 you make the last
round of the bathrooms.
112
00:04:45,588 --> 00:04:47,366
Toilet 12 is a bit of a diva.
113
00:04:47,631 --> 00:04:51,783
Then you rinse your mop in hot water and
disinfectant, and you hang it on a yellow peg.
114
00:04:51,982 --> 00:04:52,822
Any questions?
115
00:04:53,152 --> 00:04:55,661
Yeah. Why would you ever go home?
116
00:04:56,064 --> 00:04:58,578
This job is better than
I could ever imagine.
117
00:04:59,304 --> 00:05:00,295
A cool uniform,
118
00:05:00,558 --> 00:05:02,778
the power to cordon off wet floors.
119
00:05:03,081 --> 00:05:05,237
You're not just some creepy loner
hanging around the school.
120
00:05:05,942 --> 00:05:07,118
You're the janitor!
121
00:05:07,188 --> 00:05:08,423
Don't get too excited, kid.
122
00:05:08,438 --> 00:05:09,872
You'll be gone after 30 days.
123
00:05:09,950 --> 00:05:11,776
Oh, no, I am really committed to this.
124
00:05:12,096 --> 00:05:13,487
No, no, no, you don't understand.
125
00:05:13,934 --> 00:05:15,302
This is a union gig.
126
00:05:15,347 --> 00:05:18,290
Once you get past the 30-day
probation, you're locked for life.
127
00:05:18,648 --> 00:05:20,507
Full benefits, medical, everything.
128
00:05:20,843 --> 00:05:23,829
So they never keep a new
guy for more than a month.
129
00:05:24,931 --> 00:05:25,771
Hey, I'm sorry, kid.
130
00:05:25,922 --> 00:05:27,518
You really seem to
be a natural at this.
131
00:05:27,880 --> 00:05:30,105
I've never seen anybody take
to garbage the way you do.
132
00:05:30,276 --> 00:05:31,342
There's got to be some way.
133
00:05:32,010 --> 00:05:34,542
I mean... I mean, what
if there was a mess...
134
00:05:35,014 --> 00:05:38,362
a mess that was so big
and sticky and disgusting,
135
00:05:38,879 --> 00:05:41,027
that it was impossible to
clean up in less than 30 days?
136
00:05:41,766 --> 00:05:43,317
It's a beautiful thought, kid.
137
00:05:43,873 --> 00:05:45,987
But there's no such
thing as a 30-day mess.
138
00:05:48,416 --> 00:05:49,168
Yeah?
139
00:05:49,619 --> 00:05:52,175
Well, they also said they'd
never put a man on Mars.
140
00:05:56,954 --> 00:05:57,872
Sorry we're late.
141
00:05:57,918 --> 00:06:00,848
You wouldn't believe the fight
we got in over shower curtains.
142
00:06:00,855 --> 00:06:01,858
Those dolphins were gay.
143
00:06:01,874 --> 00:06:03,445
You think all dolphins are gay.
144
00:06:03,517 --> 00:06:04,661
All dolphins are gay.
145
00:06:04,807 --> 00:06:06,362
Dolphins can kill sharks.
146
00:06:06,589 --> 00:06:08,491
Gay guys can kill sharks,
and they're still gay.
147
00:06:08,596 --> 00:06:09,665
Can we begin?
148
00:06:15,201 --> 00:06:19,407
With this fire, a terrible secret that
bound us together is gone forever.
149
00:06:20,265 --> 00:06:24,167
Jamie will grow up in a world without the
fear that haunted every second of our lives.
150
00:06:24,618 --> 00:06:27,651
He'll learn to give birthday presents
out of love, not blackmail,
151
00:06:27,910 --> 00:06:31,963
and to share out of the generosity
of his heart, not the dread in the pit of his stomach.
152
00:06:32,297 --> 00:06:36,610
With this fire, a curse is lifted
and a brilliant new dawn is born.
153
00:06:37,363 --> 00:06:38,107
-Amen.
-Amen.
154
00:06:44,201 --> 00:06:44,896
Nice touch.
155
00:06:47,943 --> 00:06:51,903
You know, if you want me to take a look
at your valedictory speech, I'd be happy to.
156
00:06:52,076 --> 00:06:53,348
Mom, stop it.
157
00:06:53,372 --> 00:06:54,736
I don't want anyone to
see it until it's ready.
158
00:06:54,849 --> 00:06:55,273
Fine.
159
00:06:57,740 --> 00:06:59,716
But if you ever want
some fresh ears...
160
00:06:59,861 --> 00:07:02,326
No, I'm really happy with it.
Just let me do this.
161
00:07:02,330 --> 00:07:03,357
Okay, okay.
162
00:07:06,025 --> 00:07:08,183
But why are you quoting a rap
group when there are people
163
00:07:08,184 --> 00:07:10,297
like Paul McCartney out there
who are just as relevant
164
00:07:10,323 --> 00:07:12,782
and don't go around showing
off the tops of their underpants?
165
00:07:23,338 --> 00:07:23,994
It's a start.
166
00:07:55,360 --> 00:07:56,932
Susan, I'm sorry.
167
00:07:57,253 --> 00:08:00,266
Mom just bullied me into giving
her our last ticket for graduation.
168
00:08:01,003 --> 00:08:04,972
Because the last time I stood
up to her someone dumped a pig's head down our chimney.
169
00:08:06,147 --> 00:08:07,530
Besides, she's already on her way.
170
00:08:07,556 --> 00:08:09,150
She's driving down
with Francis and Piama.
171
00:08:12,005 --> 00:08:14,462
Lois, I really think he's going to do
it this time! You've got to stop him!
172
00:08:16,769 --> 00:08:17,559
There you are.
173
00:08:17,938 --> 00:08:20,616
I drove by 80 miles of blunt
objects just to get to you.
174
00:08:21,133 --> 00:08:22,571
I hope you run!
175
00:08:23,643 --> 00:08:27,140
You better make that first
swing count, Princess.
176
00:08:29,438 --> 00:08:30,155
Hi, Mom.
177
00:08:30,169 --> 00:08:32,179
Finish your cigarette and
I'll make you some lunch.
178
00:08:32,735 --> 00:08:34,147
Come on, you can help
me make your beds.
179
00:08:35,129 --> 00:08:36,660
I don't know why those
two can't get along...
180
00:08:36,700 --> 00:08:38,771
You had to make
a speech first, didn't you?
181
00:08:39,218 --> 00:08:39,749
Hal...
182
00:08:39,907 --> 00:08:40,374
Right.
183
00:08:41,633 --> 00:08:43,403
Son, don't feel bad.
184
00:08:43,672 --> 00:08:45,679
In some parallel universe, you did it.
185
00:08:47,681 --> 00:08:48,487
Oh, no.
186
00:08:49,087 --> 00:08:50,577
They canceled my Pierson Grant.
187
00:08:51,055 --> 00:08:52,883
That was $3,000!
188
00:08:53,314 --> 00:08:57,311
They're using the money to
do a study on what happens to kids who can't afford college.
189
00:08:58,550 --> 00:09:00,753
They're offering me
50 dollars to be a part of it.
190
00:09:05,794 --> 00:09:06,474
Show it to me.
191
00:09:06,998 --> 00:09:08,047
It's beautiful, Grandma.
192
00:09:08,222 --> 00:09:11,589
I just cracked the lid a quarter inch
and it burned off all the hair in my nose.
193
00:09:11,607 --> 00:09:13,013
Good. Who takes the fall?
194
00:09:13,459 --> 00:09:13,719
Huh?
195
00:09:13,894 --> 00:09:15,454
Your patsy...
who is your patsy?
196
00:09:16,503 --> 00:09:18,102
It's a good thing you called me.
197
00:09:18,754 --> 00:09:22,391
If you're going to make this big mess,
they're going to blame someone.
198
00:09:23,042 --> 00:09:25,255
And you can make it anyone you want.
199
00:09:25,275 --> 00:09:26,924
A teacher, a neighbor.
200
00:09:27,189 --> 00:09:29,994
If you're lucky,
a whole family goes down.
201
00:09:30,086 --> 00:09:32,555
And you get to sell their dog.
202
00:09:33,031 --> 00:09:34,185
You are amazing.
203
00:09:34,856 --> 00:09:36,792
If you ever brushed
your teeth, I would kiss you.
204
00:09:44,220 --> 00:09:46,018
You want 8,000 dollars?
205
00:09:46,511 --> 00:09:46,991
Yes.
206
00:09:48,263 --> 00:09:51,036
All right, the way this works
is you come back next week...
207
00:09:51,060 --> 00:09:52,182
That won't be necessary.
208
00:09:52,186 --> 00:09:53,690
I'm not going to pay you back.
209
00:09:54,229 --> 00:09:55,051
Hear me out.
210
00:09:55,963 --> 00:09:57,899
There's no way I can get
the money to pay you,
211
00:09:57,957 --> 00:10:02,464
but instead of making you go
through that whole, stupid charade where you keep calling me
212
00:10:02,466 --> 00:10:05,184
and I keep making lame
excuses until you hunt me down,
213
00:10:06,447 --> 00:10:09,223
I am willing to go straight
to the leg-breaking.
214
00:10:10,449 --> 00:10:10,961
Really?
215
00:10:11,285 --> 00:10:11,830
Yes.
216
00:10:12,466 --> 00:10:15,672
Whenever you say, I just show up
and you start snapping bones.
217
00:10:15,899 --> 00:10:17,151
Arms, legs, whatever.
218
00:10:17,458 --> 00:10:18,740
Invite anyone you want.
219
00:10:18,880 --> 00:10:22,111
I promise, I will scream and
cry and beg for mercy,
220
00:10:22,112 --> 00:10:26,737
and make it so loud and so horrible
that no one who sees it will ever miss another payment again.
221
00:10:28,408 --> 00:10:30,405
Now, you can't buy
that kind of publicity.
222
00:10:34,093 --> 00:10:37,228
Couldn't I just not give you the money
and still break your arms and legs?
223
00:10:37,426 --> 00:10:39,046
Wouldn't that accomplish the same thing?
224
00:10:41,687 --> 00:10:42,967
True. But...
225
00:10:43,408 --> 00:10:47,305
Then I think your point
starts to get muddled.
226
00:10:49,822 --> 00:10:51,728
Maybe we should sleep on it.
227
00:10:57,352 --> 00:10:58,860
Will you straighten
up those magazines?
228
00:10:58,935 --> 00:11:03,469
The Kenarbans will be here any
minute and I don't want their fancy friend to think he's visiting a hobo camp.
229
00:11:03,520 --> 00:11:08,643
Yeah, Mom, let's all jump through
hoops so the big corporate fat cat doesn't have to see anything real.
230
00:11:08,725 --> 00:11:11,422
You know, Francis, it wouldn't hurt
you to jump through a hoop or two.
231
00:11:11,690 --> 00:11:13,351
Are you even still looking for a job?
232
00:11:13,360 --> 00:11:14,221
As a matter of fact...
233
00:11:14,222 --> 00:11:16,584
As a matter of fact, I don't have to.
234
00:11:16,698 --> 00:11:20,454
I got a lot of irons in the fire
right now. I got three different ideas for children's books,
235
00:11:20,753 --> 00:11:23,289
and I'm considering applying
for a bounty hunter's license.
236
00:11:23,292 --> 00:11:24,413
Are you insane?!
237
00:11:24,800 --> 00:11:26,721
In what world is that even remotel...?
238
00:11:28,926 --> 00:11:30,940
Piama, will you help me get
the good china on the closet ?
239
00:11:34,851 --> 00:11:37,134
I love finally having
an excuse to use these.
240
00:11:38,514 --> 00:11:41,405
I took them out once when that
congressman was going door to door but,
241
00:11:41,882 --> 00:11:43,573
he just clogged up
our toilet and left.
242
00:11:45,491 --> 00:11:48,854
By the way, Mom, I think it's high time
we cleared the air about that day
243
00:11:48,859 --> 00:11:51,561
you threw away my Harlem
Globetrotter autographs.
244
00:11:51,700 --> 00:11:53,355
Harlem who? What are you talking about?
245
00:11:53,357 --> 00:11:56,701
I'm not saying there was definitely
some unconscious racism going on,
246
00:11:56,756 --> 00:12:00,913
but I do think someone could benefit from
a little self-examination in a quiet moment.
247
00:12:01,028 --> 00:12:02,578
Dewey, can I see you in
your room for a second?
248
00:12:10,769 --> 00:12:12,937
Okay, it's pretty obvious
I just saved your ass.
249
00:12:13,049 --> 00:12:14,276
Now I want to know why.
250
00:12:18,277 --> 00:12:21,409
So, right when we
walk in, I fake a seizure.
251
00:12:21,714 --> 00:12:24,885
When I fall, I make sure my
skirt comes up over my hips.
252
00:12:25,398 --> 00:12:29,598
I'm going commando, so you'll have
plenty of time to sneak this out of the car.
253
00:12:30,242 --> 00:12:31,388
I love you, Grandma.
254
00:12:31,954 --> 00:12:32,784
You're a good boy.
255
00:12:33,902 --> 00:12:36,548
Are you kidding me? That
whole cancer scare was fake?!
256
00:12:36,814 --> 00:12:39,382
I played cards with her in
the hospital for no reason?
257
00:12:39,987 --> 00:12:41,146
Why didn't you just get rid of this?
258
00:12:41,151 --> 00:12:41,844
I don't know.
259
00:12:42,681 --> 00:12:43,392
I couldn't.
260
00:12:44,296 --> 00:12:46,766
The thought of destroying
it just made me... sad.
261
00:12:48,207 --> 00:12:49,066
I get it, Dewey.
262
00:12:49,881 --> 00:12:50,918
You love your brothers.
263
00:12:51,429 --> 00:12:53,689
You didn't have much to keep
you together, but you had this.
264
00:12:55,292 --> 00:12:56,643
And now I have this.
265
00:12:57,163 --> 00:13:00,971
Something really horrible to blackmail
you guys with that I'm totally clean on.
266
00:13:00,973 --> 00:13:01,848
Mom's friend Jenny.
267
00:13:02,096 --> 00:13:02,703
We're good.
268
00:13:04,300 --> 00:13:05,040
So Mr. Hampton,
269
00:13:05,423 --> 00:13:08,662
You got all the subroutines,
the GUI, all of that into 16K?
270
00:13:08,793 --> 00:13:10,466
I can't get a Boolean sort in that.
271
00:13:10,551 --> 00:13:12,844
You youngsters are spoiled
by all that cheap RAM.
272
00:13:13,058 --> 00:13:17,961
When I started out, I had an 8-bit
bus that ran at 4.7 megahertz, and I was happy to have it.
273
00:13:17,988 --> 00:13:19,242
This is fantastic.
274
00:13:19,408 --> 00:13:21,684
I haven't understood a word
you've said for the last ten minutes.
275
00:13:22,034 --> 00:13:23,543
Oh, you don't have to be that impressed.
276
00:13:23,786 --> 00:13:27,169
Sure, now he owns a GulfStream
jet and a baseball team,
277
00:13:27,458 --> 00:13:30,799
but there was a time when this
guy's name was Accident Pants.
278
00:13:31,853 --> 00:13:32,563
Remember that?
279
00:13:32,765 --> 00:13:33,326
Remember that?
280
00:13:33,514 --> 00:13:35,334
I remember somebody
begging me for a loan.
281
00:13:35,470 --> 00:13:36,075
Remember that?
282
00:13:36,485 --> 00:13:37,124
Remember that?
283
00:13:38,631 --> 00:13:40,619
Now, listen, I'm really
not here to socialize.
284
00:13:40,933 --> 00:13:42,750
I've seen some of the
programming you boys have done.
285
00:13:43,057 --> 00:13:46,286
The server-to-server algorithm. The
evolution simulator, that's all good stuff.
286
00:13:46,799 --> 00:13:48,054
He thinks...
287
00:13:49,384 --> 00:13:50,550
we're geniuses.
288
00:13:50,564 --> 00:13:52,971
Well, good enough for
a two-year contract, anyway.
289
00:13:53,731 --> 00:13:55,413
Full benefits, stock options.
290
00:13:55,569 --> 00:13:57,196
We're talking six figures-- each.
291
00:13:57,899 --> 00:13:59,132
Oh, my God!
292
00:14:00,021 --> 00:14:01,058
Wait, how many is six?
293
00:14:01,262 --> 00:14:02,342
I'm not being charitable.
294
00:14:02,467 --> 00:14:05,778
I'm locking you in while you're still
cheap, but I need an answer right now.
295
00:14:05,837 --> 00:14:07,111
Otherwise it's not worth it to me.
296
00:14:07,461 --> 00:14:07,846
Well, I...
297
00:14:07,851 --> 00:14:10,333
That's a very generous
offer, Mr. Hampton, but no.
298
00:14:10,530 --> 00:14:10,963
Mom, what are you...?
299
00:14:10,965 --> 00:14:13,264
Malcolm's going to college,
he's going to finish his education.
300
00:14:13,276 --> 00:14:14,833
But thank you very much.
301
00:14:14,835 --> 00:14:15,958
He wasn't asking you, he was...
302
00:14:15,965 --> 00:14:17,244
Ma'am, I completely understand.
303
00:14:17,444 --> 00:14:18,638
I should have talked to you first.
304
00:14:19,096 --> 00:14:20,123
Consider the offer withdrawn.
305
00:14:21,049 --> 00:14:23,950
Sorry, kid. 24/seven job. You'd need
your whole family behind you.
306
00:14:24,420 --> 00:14:26,830
And don't be mad at your mom.
She's only trying to look out for you.
307
00:14:27,414 --> 00:14:29,816
Who knows how far I would've
gone if I went to college?
308
00:14:37,694 --> 00:14:38,603
What's that noise?
309
00:14:38,973 --> 00:14:40,568
Nothing, Dad.
Just a little hungry.
310
00:14:44,736 --> 00:14:46,724
All right, Malcolm,
I know you're angry.
311
00:14:46,911 --> 00:14:49,728
You might as well say what you have
to now and get it out of your system.
312
00:14:56,354 --> 00:14:57,381
Oh, my eyes!
313
00:15:03,161 --> 00:15:04,732
I'm so sorry, Jamie.
314
00:15:04,987 --> 00:15:08,876
I didn't know I had you hanging upside
down until that last layer of gunk came off.
315
00:15:10,910 --> 00:15:12,950
Well, we might as well
go ahead and have kids.
316
00:15:13,092 --> 00:15:15,125
I'm not afraid of changing
diapers anymore.
317
00:15:15,214 --> 00:15:16,297
Good job, Reese.
318
00:15:16,311 --> 00:15:18,200
Hey, I am the victim here!
319
00:15:18,524 --> 00:15:21,014
Those are my hopes and dreams
you're scrubbing out of your cracks!
320
00:15:22,110 --> 00:15:23,641
Anybody else hungry?
321
00:15:23,738 --> 00:15:24,604
Oh, mother...
322
00:15:25,572 --> 00:15:26,062
You know what?
323
00:15:26,372 --> 00:15:27,511
I'm glad!
324
00:15:27,902 --> 00:15:28,900
This is appropriate.
325
00:15:29,223 --> 00:15:31,840
Now my life looks
exactly how I feel.
326
00:15:32,395 --> 00:15:34,013
How could you screw me over like that?
327
00:15:34,015 --> 00:15:35,737
Because you were
going to take that job,
328
00:15:36,020 --> 00:15:38,327
and we are not going to
let you throw your life away.
329
00:15:38,573 --> 00:15:40,969
How is being rich throwing my life away?!
330
00:15:40,972 --> 00:15:43,015
Because it's not the life
you're supposed to have!
331
00:15:43,592 --> 00:15:45,591
The life you're supposed to
have is you go to Harvard,
332
00:15:45,644 --> 00:15:48,204
and you earn every fellowship
and internship they have.
333
00:15:48,575 --> 00:15:51,498
You graduate first in your class,
and you start working in public service,
334
00:15:51,529 --> 00:15:53,479
either district attorney or
running some foundation,
335
00:15:53,801 --> 00:15:55,681
and then you become
governor of a mid-sized state,
336
00:15:55,688 --> 00:15:56,788
and then you become president.
337
00:15:58,742 --> 00:15:59,115
What?!
338
00:15:59,393 --> 00:16:00,449
Of the United States.
339
00:16:01,341 --> 00:16:01,891
Dad?
340
00:16:02,013 --> 00:16:03,717
I'm sorry, son. It's true.
341
00:16:06,077 --> 00:16:06,816
I thought you knew.
342
00:16:08,711 --> 00:16:12,411
Our expectations started out much smaller,
but you just kept upping the ante.
343
00:16:12,509 --> 00:16:14,011
What if I don't want to be president?
344
00:16:14,184 --> 00:16:15,816
It's too late that.
You're gonna do it.
345
00:16:16,421 --> 00:16:17,073
Oh, really?
346
00:16:18,527 --> 00:16:21,777
Have you decided my position
on capital-gains tax cuts?
347
00:16:21,942 --> 00:16:23,841
What are my foreign policy objectives?!
348
00:16:23,843 --> 00:16:24,700
That doesn't matter.
349
00:16:25,194 --> 00:16:31,591
What does matter is you'll be the only
person in that position who will ever give a crap about people like us.
350
00:16:32,450 --> 00:16:36,518
We've been getting the short end
of the stick for thousands of years, and I, for one, am sick of it.
351
00:16:36,812 --> 00:16:39,420
Now, you are going to be president,
mister, and that's the end of it.
352
00:16:40,305 --> 00:16:42,746
Did it ever occured to you that
I could have taken this job,
353
00:16:42,957 --> 00:16:45,806
gotten really rich and then bought
my way into being president?
354
00:16:46,093 --> 00:16:46,871
Of course it did.
355
00:16:47,063 --> 00:16:48,132
We decided against it.
356
00:16:48,167 --> 00:16:48,713
What?!
357
00:16:48,727 --> 00:16:50,870
Because then you wouldn't
be a good president.
358
00:16:51,357 --> 00:16:52,554
You wouldn't have suffered enough.
359
00:16:52,894 --> 00:16:55,070
I've been suffering all my life.
360
00:16:55,109 --> 00:16:56,970
I'm sorry, it's not enough.
361
00:16:57,706 --> 00:17:00,200
You know what it's like to be poor,
and you know what it's like to work hard.
362
00:17:00,883 --> 00:17:03,254
Now you're going to learn what
it's like to sweep floors and
363
00:17:03,267 --> 00:17:06,850
bust your ass and accomplish twice
as much as all the kids around you.
364
00:17:07,530 --> 00:17:10,617
And it won't mean anything because
they will still look down on you.
365
00:17:11,799 --> 00:17:15,022
And you will want so much for
them to like you, and they just won't.
366
00:17:15,989 --> 00:17:17,069
And it'll break your heart.
367
00:17:17,371 --> 00:17:21,124
And that'll make your heart bigger and
open your eyes and finally you will realize
368
00:17:21,398 --> 00:17:24,832
that there's more to life than proving
you're the smartest person in the world.
369
00:17:26,395 --> 00:17:29,297
I'm sorry, Malcolm, but you
don't get the easy path.
370
00:17:30,137 --> 00:17:33,108
You don't get to just have fun and
be rich and live the life of luxury.
371
00:17:33,527 --> 00:17:34,175
That's Dewey.
372
00:17:34,443 --> 00:17:34,902
Really?
373
00:17:36,241 --> 00:17:37,555
This is unbelievable.
374
00:17:38,042 --> 00:17:40,672
You actually expect me to be president.
375
00:17:41,752 --> 00:17:42,957
No, no, I'm sorry.
376
00:17:43,179 --> 00:17:47,559
You expect me to be one of the greatest
presidents in the history of the United States.
377
00:17:48,149 --> 00:17:51,429
You look me in the eye and
you tell me you can't do it.
378
00:17:55,813 --> 00:17:59,763
And as the Dalai Lama eloquently
stated last summer on my yacht,
379
00:18:00,444 --> 00:18:01,859
"Wisdom is the light by day,
380
00:18:02,362 --> 00:18:04,148
vertue is the protection by night
381
00:18:04,910 --> 00:18:08,331
And as we go down the path of life,
there's often confusion and fear,
382
00:18:08,623 --> 00:18:11,466
because we fail to remember that
we have this Wisdom within us.
383
00:18:12,257 --> 00:18:13,381
It's there to call on,
384
00:18:13,808 --> 00:18:15,693
to get us through the
dark night of the soul,
385
00:18:16,844 --> 00:18:19,185
to help us achieve a new dawn
with new possibilities...
386
00:18:19,189 --> 00:18:20,545
AmeriSys Industries?
387
00:18:20,612 --> 00:18:21,101
What's that?
388
00:18:21,282 --> 00:18:21,832
Shh!
389
00:18:22,437 --> 00:18:23,828
It's my employee badge.
390
00:18:24,346 --> 00:18:26,176
Please don't tell Mom,
it'd make her too happy.
391
00:18:26,213 --> 00:18:27,509
She'd never let
me live it down.
392
00:18:27,604 --> 00:18:28,671
You got a job?
393
00:18:29,690 --> 00:18:30,879
For the last two months.
394
00:18:31,251 --> 00:18:32,822
It's at this giant corporation.
395
00:18:33,182 --> 00:18:36,857
I'm in this tiny little cubicle, surrounded
by hundreds of other tiny little cubicles,
396
00:18:37,097 --> 00:18:39,137
inputting numbers into a computer all day.
397
00:18:39,762 --> 00:18:40,839
And I love it.
398
00:18:41,126 --> 00:18:42,329
I love everything about it.
399
00:18:42,716 --> 00:18:45,587
I love the stability and
the regular paychecks.
400
00:18:45,699 --> 00:18:46,979
I love my parking space.
401
00:18:47,134 --> 00:18:49,185
I love getting those
stupid joke e-mails.
402
00:18:49,366 --> 00:18:51,108
Oh, did you get the one
about the two Irish guys?
403
00:18:51,472 --> 00:18:52,193
That's a classic!
404
00:18:56,759 --> 00:18:59,257
And now with the
valedictory speech,
405
00:18:59,322 --> 00:19:00,485
please welcome Malcolm...
406
00:19:11,316 --> 00:19:15,033
Like all of you, I'm praying
for this speech to be over soon.
407
00:19:21,344 --> 00:19:24,095
Most of us have been
dreaming of this day for years,
408
00:19:25,112 --> 00:19:27,788
the day we leave childhood
and achieve independance.
409
00:19:29,130 --> 00:19:31,685
But even if we move
thousands of miles away,
410
00:19:32,867 --> 00:19:33,855
there's no escape.
411
00:19:35,068 --> 00:19:36,558
Our families are
coming with us.
412
00:19:37,770 --> 00:19:38,914
They'll be with us forever.
413
00:19:40,054 --> 00:19:44,839
In our habits, our gestures,
and in the choices we make.
414
00:19:45,938 --> 00:19:47,288
So we'll never be set-free,
415
00:19:48,774 --> 00:19:49,791
we'll never be alone.
416
00:19:54,263 --> 00:19:55,940
As Paul McCartney once said...
417
00:19:58,809 --> 00:20:00,755
THREE MONTHS LATER
418
00:20:02,664 --> 00:20:03,482
Oh, my God!
419
00:20:03,602 --> 00:20:05,250
What kind of monster would
do something like this?
420
00:20:05,311 --> 00:20:07,090
Oh, Hal, for God's
sake, don't touch it!
421
00:20:07,096 --> 00:20:09,418
Man, if Mom ever found
out it was the two of us...
422
00:20:11,386 --> 00:20:12,019
Hey...
423
00:20:14,111 --> 00:20:16,260
The five-settings heating pad!
424
00:20:16,767 --> 00:20:18,940
You listen to me, you really do!
425
00:20:20,117 --> 00:20:21,166
Someone's cake is ready.
426
00:20:23,107 --> 00:20:26,993
Mom, you can yell and scream all you
want. It's not going to change me!
427
00:20:27,191 --> 00:20:29,751
I will look for a job when
I am damn good and ready!
428
00:20:30,025 --> 00:20:32,949
You just can't stand that
your son is still a free spirit!
429
00:20:35,500 --> 00:20:36,688
Chicken casserole for dinner?
430
00:20:36,925 --> 00:20:38,688
Mmm. Home at 5:00.
431
00:20:41,967 --> 00:20:43,288
This is so nice.
432
00:20:43,430 --> 00:20:46,023
Reese is gone.
Malcolm's off to Harvard.
433
00:20:46,268 --> 00:20:49,379
I don't know how you did it, but
everything worked out exactly as planned.
434
00:20:51,520 --> 00:20:52,183
What's wrong?
435
00:20:58,814 --> 00:21:00,482
And when they found the
peepholes in the bathroom,
436
00:21:00,581 --> 00:21:02,399
they fired Al and brought me on full time.
437
00:21:02,697 --> 00:21:04,070
Grandma's right,
it's good to have a patsy.
438
00:21:04,943 --> 00:21:07,318
So how's it going with you,
Mr. Ivy League Big Shot?
439
00:21:07,614 --> 00:21:08,209
It's great.
440
00:21:08,376 --> 00:21:09,469
It's a whole new world.
441
00:21:10,112 --> 00:21:12,139
Listen, I've got to get to my
Calc class. I'll talk to you later.
442
00:21:12,189 --> 00:21:16,739
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