All language subtitles for Malcolm s07e11 of Ida.eng

Look. Soon or later.
Someone will have to do the dishes.

Malcolm in the Middle - 7.11 - "Bride of Ida"
Synchronisation par Max & Tyno, Script par Raceman. Forom.com, Life-is-Unfair.tk & Malcolm-France.com

For the love of God!

We should have left for the
airport nine minutes ago!

Dewey's in this big-deal piano
competition in St. Louis this weekend.

It's being held at
a huge, fancy hotel.

Prominent musicians from all around
the world are going to be there.

And the best part is,
Reese and I don't have to go.

This is unbelievable!

She's leaving us alone in the
house for the whole weekend!

She's losing it!

Shh. Don't remind her. Be cool.

...Four, and Dewey's makes five...

I still feel like I'm
forgetting something.

Okay, listen, they're not likely
to do another Patrick Swayze festival for four, maybe five years,

so I'm counting on you
to tape the whole thing.

Let's go!

We still have to drop
Jamie off at Mrs. Foley's.

I still feel like I'm
forgetting something.

Hi, Mom. I thought we
were gonna miss you.

Be careful with those
bags, you cow.

Hi, Raduca.

Family, howdy.

You're here to work,
not gossip like a fishwife.

What's Grandma doing here?!

You never said
Grandma was coming!

Oh, I didn't?

Ah, well, then, it's just a
nice surprise for you boys.

Remember last month when you
came in after curfew and you said, "What are you going to do about it?"

Sorry it took me so long
to get back to you.

These are sex organs of
four different animals.

And a little oregano.

Reese, I've watched you
grow all these years.

You are the one hope
for this family.

I just pray you are
ready to become a man.

Hey, what was that for?

You are ready.

Dewey, slow down.

No, we have to get to Gate Seven
or we'll miss our connecting flight.

Oooh. Cinnabons!

No! No Cinnabons,
no bretzels, no frozen yogurt.

You can raid the mini-bar
when we get to the hotel.

Do I have your permission
to go to the bathroom?

No. If you go to the other
side of the partition,

then we'll all have to go
through security again.

Dad, you tell her.

Dad?

Ooh, it's Paris.

It's even more beautiful
than I imagined!

In our country, after a boy
turns 16, he becomes a barochi.

We watch this boy for one year.

Then, when he is ready, he is
plucked from is mother's teat

and thrown into
the town square,

where he must battle with
the other boys for dominance.

Wait, up until this point,
they're still breast feeding?

It keeps families close.

The boys fight each other
with all their might.

When it is over, the one
left standing is the man.

The rest are dronska.

Then more breasts are offered
to the proud young man.

But these are not the withered
spigots of the mother, no.

These are the ripe,
inviting pleasure domes

of the virgins of the village,
presented dripping with wine.

Our family comes from the
coolest country in the world.

And it must continue, Reese.

You must carry on
with this ritual.

Grandma, this is not only
moronic, it's impossible.

For one thing, there is no village
full of boys for Reese to fight.

No, we will have to make do.

-The closest thing we
have to a boy is you. -What?

You shall be the rock on
which his knife is sharpened.

There will be contests of
strength and endurance.

When he defeats you,
he shall be a man.

What if I defeat him?

And once you are a man,
you shall get this.

The whole plate of potatoes?

You will take Raduca
for your bride.

You mean...

Like I marry her? Now?

That is why I brought
Raduca to this country.

You brought her here six months ago.
She's been working as your slave.

I should get something
for my trouble.

Grandma, you can't take two teenagers
who've never met each other and force them into some sham marriage.

That's not the way things
work in civilized countries.

If I get a wife, does that
mean I get to have sex?

So much sex you
won't believe it.

I'm in.

Well, Dad, this makes
it all worth it.

They never have "Dewey"s.

Look, there's no one there.

Ma'am, we need you
to get back in line.

We're just trying to
get in the empty one.

That line is for first class and
commodores club passengers only.

Excuse me?

Mom, we need to
make this flight.

So, this airport's policy is that
increased security should only inconvenience poor people?

I don't make the rules, ma'am.

No, no one makes the rules.

Why would anyone want
to take responsibility?

Mom!

Ma'am, step over here, please.

I know what it is. It's
the underwire on my bra. It always sets these things off.

You seem to have
something under your shirt.

Yes, as I said,

I have a bra on under my shirt,
and there is an underwire in my bra.

Code 25.

I can't believe this is the first
underwire to come through this place.

Surely you people have
encountered bras before.

This is punishment for what I said
about the first-class line, isn't it?

Ma'am, I need to
touch your breasts.

You need to touch my what?!

I'm required to probe
with the back of my hand.

If you like, you can request
up to two female witnesses.

Let me understand this.

Because I made a comment
about first class, I am being singled out for a public feel-up?

Oh for God's sake, Mom,
just let her touch your boobs!

The kid makes a lot
of sense, ma'am.

Now, do you want to do this
the easy way or the hard way?

Okay, the tickets are changed.
The next flight leaves in 15 hours.

So I get no time to practice
and no sleep tonight.

You should have seen what
happened the first time I touched 'em.

No, I'm canceling everything.
I'm chartering a helicopter and getting out of...

Sorry. Oh, I...

What? No, I just tripped
over some stupid kid that was playing around the floor.

I'm sorry... I-I'm so sorry.

Two boys enter,
one man emerges.

You must beat him
at every contest...

or there will be
no bride for you.

I really appreciate
you doing this for me.

Listen, moron, I'm not doing
this to help you get married.

I'm gonna try to win to keep you from
flushing your life down the toilet.

We begin with the
Trial of Pain.

Raduca, the strings.

This trial teaches
an important lesson.

Until you can ignore your own pain, you
cannot truly ignore the pain of others.

The first one to take two
steps backwards is the victor.

I don't get why this is
supposed to hurt so much.

Go.

I didn't think anything above
my waist could be so sensitive.

Why don't you want
me to be happy?!

I'm only doing this
because I love you!

Must...

take... mind off...

ear pain!

The victor!

That was so easy!

I barely worked up a sweat.

May I help you?

Oh, hi, yes.

It kills me to have to do this,
but I'm gonna return this.

No... please, Mr.
Saunders, don't do that.

I implore you.

We know our service got a little
slack last year, but we have improved.

We have expanded the buffet.

Before you make a decision,
let us get you a massage or a manicure.

We have complimentary
30-year-old Scotch and a full bar.

Can't we please, please, persuade
you to give us another chance?

Well, all right.

But let's not have a
repeat of last time.

You are now one step
closer to your manhood.

The next trial takes place
within the Sack of Fellowship.

Once inside the sack
you will face a choice:

To work together or
to fight each other.

If you work together,
you'll both lose.

So now what happens?

I don't know.

I'm still trying to figure
out why there's a dog in here.

Grandma, what are
we supposed to do?

Just get out.

-That's it?
-That's it.

Okay, Reese, you beat
me fair and square.

Just-Just help me get out...

How's it going, sport?

Fantastic. I've been
practicing for hours.

Of course, I'm screwed if we
have to play on real pianos.

Ah, buck up, son.
We're all sacrificing.

Why are your nails shiny?

No reason.

Can I at least have a dollar
for the soda machine?

Nope. All gone to
the great tip fairy.

Boy, these chairs are hard.

Stop, thief!

I'm sorry!

-You crushed my fingers.
-I didn't mean to. Let me see.

Look what you did to me.

Keep the fingers elevated,
Dewey, and don't worry.

I know where I can
find some Evian ice.

Cool!

Grandma's got props
for the next one.

I'm done, Reese.

I'm not going through
any more of these trials.

What's the matter?

I thought we were finally
doing something as a family.

If you want to let that crazy
old bat ruin your life, fine.

Knock yourself out.

How is she ruining my life?

She's getting me a bride.

A female bride.

I mean, what are the odds that
a girl is ever going to want me?

You can get a girl, Reese.

If you just didn't act like a vicious,
stupid thug all the time.

Come on, Malcolm,
let's be realistic.

Grandma, Malcolm doesn't
want to play anymore.

So I guess I win by forfeit.

What?!

You cannot become
a man by forfeit.

You must go through
all the trials.

You must win every one.

But they're your rules.
Can't you just change them?

These are not my rules.
These are the ways of our people.

-The ways cannot die.
-Yes, they can.

They should.

They should be murdered
and mashed up and

dumped down a salt mine along
with nuclear waste and left there

to fester and rot in a
toxic pool of its own filth!

Your pretty words
don't hide your fear.

What?!

You are afraid of the next trial
because it is a test of intelligence.

You are afraid to find out who is
really the smart one in the family.

He goes around with his nose
in a book, sucking in facts.

He doesn't have what we have.

You and I have street smarts.

Oh, here we go.

Every moron who's willing to act like
a criminal is loaded with street smarts.

Well, let me tell you
something, Grandma, you're either smart or you're not.

Saying you have street smarts
just means you're willing

to do things that smart, sensitive
people are too decent to do.

That's not a sign
of intelligence.

It's not.

It's not!

I promise to always
love and respect you.

As long as you stay in
a 20-pound weight range.

Arturo, I would be a
dead man without you.

Mr. Saunders.

Please. Mr. Saunders
is my father.

You can call me...

what my first name is.

If you'll just follow me.

Now, do I disrobe for a salt glow,
or just strip to the waist?

Sit down here.

Our teleconference service
was down for an hour.

I'm sorry it took so long to set up,
but everyone's ready for you now.

London, Berlin, Tokyo.

Tokyo?

Mr. Saunders,
we finally meet face to face.

Yes, uh...

Well...

Hi, there.

I'm afraid we can't wait
for your reply any longer.

We need an answer from you.

You need an answer from me?

We have five
governments involved.

If you can't decide, we shall have
no choice but to sever all ties.

That means Malaysia, that means Taiwan,
that means the entire eastern sector!

We need you to
choose now, sir.

Is it yes... or no?

Okay, um...

Just...

Fine. You have us
at a disadvantage.

We will wire another six
million into your account.

All right, then.

The answer is yes.

Very good.

We'll begin shipping
the antidote at once.

Excellent.

By the way, Are-Are we...

good guys?

Hey, honey.

What have you been doing?

Well, I can honestly
say I have no idea.

-Do you want me to...?
-No.

Stupid hot sauce.

You okay?

Dewey's been absolutely
horrible to me.

I know we missed the flight,
I know I hurt his fingers,

I know this isn't the
greatest day of his life, but

he's been acting like I'm trying
to ruin his contest on purpose.

Well, honey, it has been an
awful lot of stuff in a row.

What are you saying, Hal?

You agree with him?

You actually think
that I would...?

This is the final test.

The game of Vishnok will show us
who has the brains around here.

-Grandma, how do we play?
-Shh!

You will listen!

The rabbits run to their lair.

The moon embraces you.

The horse turns to lead.

The apple holds the key.

You have two minutes.

What are we doing?

I don't know.

-Did you feel this?
-What?

The rabbits run to their lair.

The moon embraces you.

The horse turns to lead.

The apple holds the key.

Ha! I beat him! It's over!

...proski, verontut...

The marriage is off.

After 2,000 years
your ways are dead.

I am content the ways
have been followed.

What?!

No. No, you don't get to
pretend you're okay with this.

I never followed your ways.

Well, I did, but it was
for a different reason...

Pack up my things, cow.
We leave in five minutes.

No, wait.

Don't go!

I got two out of three.

There must be some way
I can marry Raduca.

It is impossible.
You're not a man.

The most you can ever hope to
be now is a very butch woman.

Well, I'm going to
marry her anyway!

It is forbidden.

The ways don't allow you.

Well, then from now on,
I reject your ways forever!

Listen, I'm not
the perfect guy.

I might not even be a good guy.

But if you marry me,

we'll both be certain for the
rest of our lives that I never could have done any better.

She will never marry a dronska
like you. She's a good girl.

I will marry you.

-I forbid you to do this!
-You cannot forbid me.

I am American girl now.

I have iPod.

I wear thong.

I shave!

Hide your shame, whore!

You can't talk to
my wife that way.

I'm going to spend the rest of my
life with the woman I probably love.

Well, apparently only
permanent blindness gets you bumped up to first class.

Well, the redness
is going down.

I think you can
compete just fine.

Why don't you just
cut the act, Mom?

You got what you wanted.

What are you talking about?

You don't like watching me be
successful, because it reminds you that you never did anything with your life.

And now, instead of taking joy
in your kids' accomplishments,

you undermine us so
we won't show you up.

Maybe it's unconscious,
maybe you know you're doing it,

but that's what's been
going on this whole trip.

So what?

Huh?

You think you're the first kid in the
world whose parents ever sabotaged him?

Please, Dewey, parents undermine
their children all the time.

My dad told me I would never amount
to anything and live a life of hardship and constant disappointment.

Wait. We're talking about Mom.

Well, you shouldn't be.

This is your life.

Crap flies at you.
You got to learn to deal with it.

Besides, which story
would you rather tell...

The one where you show up at a
contest, play something and get a prize,

or the one where your family torpedoes you
and even though you are crippled and blind, you still come through to win first place?

I guess the second
one's a better story.

Of course it is.

Okay, Mom.

Let's go to St. Louis.

Damn straight.
Let's win this thing.

Wow, that Chinese kid was good.

I have to hand it to you, Mom,
having Grandma look after us sure kept us out of trouble.

Where's your brother?

In Vegas.

I now pronounce
you man and wife.

I'll do everything
I can to make you happy.

As soon as we get home, I'm kicking
Dewey and Malcolm out of the big bed.

TO BE CONTINUED...

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