Original subtitles

How did Princess Kahiwalani die?

Some say it was suicide.

l saw her yesterday at Palí-Ulí's funeral.

She is obsessed with the idea that she is the Princess,

come back to life.

RICK: l don't thínk you're supposed to go ínto dead people's houses.

(CHANTING IN HAWAlIAN)

(MAN SINGING IN HAWAlIAN)

MAN: You, my beloved,

are precious to me.

Precious

as that rare blossom.

The soft falling rain

comes to that flower as a lover,

as l now come to you.

(RESUMES SINGING IN HAWAlIAN)

Thought you were supposed to be helping with the pageant.

, You know, T.C. here we are,

living in paradise. l mean,

look around you. This place is incredible.

And somehow, you get in your day-to-day routine,

and you really do forget to stop to smell the flowers.

You know what l mean?

Yeah, well, l wouldn't Iet Higgins catch you

smelling the flowers for too long.

MAN: There you are,

waiting for me.

Come, be with me.

ln the cooling rain,

l breathe.

(ALL CHANTING IN HAWAlIAN)

Jonathan? Just a moment, Agatha.

l've just received a telephone call from Mr. Kaimi.

The Queen... No, no, no!

Stage left!

Stage left! If you exit stage right, you'll collide with

the missionaries.

Whoa, whoa. Okay, gang, Iet's make that exit stage left.

Hey, Higgins! l got it all rigged.

This baby is all set to go.

Fire-and-brimstone, right on cue.

lt's gonna be the hit of the show.

Fire? Well, not real fire, Higgins. l mean,

it will be confetti. But we'll have real smoke.

But in all honesty, l think just a few flashing lights

and some colored gel would...

Oh, come on, are you kidding, Higgins? This is the opening number.

We need something to catch their attention.

He's right, you know.

William. Jonathan.

l mean, what's a volcano without fire and smoke? Just watch.

Jonathan, about the phone call.

(RUMBLING)

(AIR HISSING)

Yeah, that'll catch their attention, all right.

l can't understand what went wrong.

They always say a bad dress rehearsal ensures a perfect opening night.

Come on, let's go and take a look at little Kilauea,

and see if we can figure out where you went wrong.

This check from the Downtown Merchants' Association

should cover the cost of costumes and lights,

and maybe even a better volcano.

All of us in the Historical Society are very grateful.

Ah, forget it. l enjoy separating the rich and famous from their checkbooks.

Especially for a good cause.

You save me a front row seat.

Certainly. Okay.

What is it, Agatha?

Oh, Mr. Kaimi from Queen Emma Summer Palace called.

They're about to close, and he wondered if you were still coming by

for the historical artifacts they agreed to loan for the exhibit.

lf l am still coming?

(CAR SPEEDING)

l take it that it was Mr. Magnum's responsibility.

l'll call Mr. Kaimi back.

MAGNUM: l'll never forget the date.

October 4, 1956.

l was late to my fírst saxophone lesson.

lt was bound to happen. l was always cuttíng ít close:

to baseball practíce, to Boy Scouts, to school.

lt was a character traít my mom saíd

came from her síde of the famíly.

The Sullívan síde.

That was the síde that always hated to be late,

but hated even worse beíng early.

lt was also the síde of the famíly

that never knew how to say no to a request from a fríend.

And never quíte felt comfortable sayíng yes, eíther.

But once they've saíd yes,

nothíng would ever stop them from doíng the job.

Nothíng would ever take theír attentíon away from the task at hand.

(PRIEST INCANTING IN HAwAIIAN)

(PEOPLE HUMMING SOFTLY)

MAGNUM: My mom never could explaín to me

why certaín thíngs seemed to jump out of nowhere

and grab the Sullívan ímagínatíon.

Neíther could l.

l íust knew they díd.

And, l also knew, sometímes ít was best to let them go.

WOMAN: (WHISPERING) Thomas!

KAIMl: l'm afraid l'll have to ask you to leave.

Visiting hours are over.

Oh! No, l'm...

Mr., uh, Kaimi?

Who are you?

Oh, l'm Thomas Magnum. l'm here to pick up...

Oh, yes. Mr. Higgins' delivery man.

l have the items all packed up for you right in here.

Mr. Magnum?

Who...

Who was that woman in the garden?

Just now, there was a woman out there.

The same woman that's in that picture.

There was no woman in the garden.

Uh, l saw her.

Optical illusion, Mr. Magnum. The afternoon sun often creates shadows that...

This was no shadow.

The museum is closed. The garden is closed.

And there is no exit, except through the house, past us.

Now, please tell Mr. Higgins we will arrange to have the artifacts picked up

the day after the pageant and exhibit.

''...along the beach, men and women, Iads and lasses

''were returning from the bath in bright raiment, red and blue and green,

''such as we delighted to see in the colored little pictures of our childhood,

''and presently, the sun had cleared the eastern hill

''and the glow of the day was over all.''

Excellent, Agatha.

Do you really think so?

l believe we should give you the place of honor,

right at the end.

Thank you.

Here you are, Higgins. Safe and sound, in plenty of time.

You can't leave until l make sure everything is here.

l also have some selections from Mark Twain,

if you think they'd be appropriate.

lt's all there.

Okay, we've got it this time.

RICK: Higgins, get ready for the opening number of all opening numbers.

Who is this?

That's the Princess Kahiwalani.

Descended from a chiefly line.

She died tragically in 1910.

(EXPLOSlON)

(GIRLS EXCLAIMING)

T.C.: l don't know what happened. Uh...

What do you mean, you don't know what happened? l followed your directions!

And look what they got us, T.C.!

l'm through listening to you. Obviously, you know Iess about this than l do.

(SIGHS)

MAGNUM: l know what you're thínkíng, and you're ríght.

There had to be a reasonable explanatíon

for my stoppíng at a funeral for someone l had never met.

And there had to be a logícal explanatíon

for beíng drawn to a woman who l had never seen before.

And who, accordíng to Híggíns, at least,

díed nearly 80 years ago.

There had to be a logícal, reasonable explanatíon.

l just dídn't know what ít was.

HIGGINS: Magnum! Ah!

There you are.

This package arrived for you early this morning.

Naturally, l assumed it was some sort of manufacturer's product sample giveaway

before l noticed the return address.

Why would Pali-Uli Keahikapu be sending you a package?

l don't know.

Who is Pali-Uli Keahikapu?

Pali-Uli Keahikapu was maid servant to Kahiwalani

before the Princess's sudden and unexpected demise.

A fact l'm sure you read for yourself

in yesterday afternoon's newspaper.

Actually, l didn't have a chance to read the paper...

How odd. An American Navy lieutenant's uniform from the turn of the century,

identifiable primarily from... l know, Higgins.

l was wearing it.

l beg your pardon?

Nothing.

Never mind.

How did Princess Kahiwalani die?

ln a fire.

Some say it was suicide.

(SIGHS)

l saw her.

This woman that you say is Princess Kahiwalani

l saw her yesterday at Pali-Uli's funeral.

l never said this was Princess Kahiwalani.

Of course, l see some slight resemblance, but...

That photograph l showed you yesterday,

you said she was Princess Kahiwalani.

The woman in that photo, yes.

But this is not the same woman.

This appears to be a photograph of you and a young lady,

who looks somewhat like the Princess.

Magnum, l know what you're doing,

and it's not going to work!

Obviously, this is one of your clever little practical jokes designed to unnerve me

before the Gala Anglo-Hawaiian Historical Society Pageant this week.

However, l have everything under control,

and nothing could disconcert me now.

(EXPLOSlON)

Oh, my God!

Hi, Mom. It's me.

We seem to be talking to each other's machines a lot lately.

l just wanted to talk to you about family history.

lt's nothing important.

l love you.

Hello again.

How did you get in here?

Well, l'm glad you asked,

because it seems there is a way into and out of the garden.

l'd be happy to show you for future reference,

in case you don't already know where it is,

which l think you do.

You seem to know an awful lot about Hawaiian history.

How many of these little things have you published?

Three? Four?

What is it you want?

Oh! l want to know

who that woman was out in the garden yesterday,

and l want to know why you lied to me about it.

l have a theory. One that l didn't

find in one of your little books, there.

Would you like to hear it?

Well, l figure...

Course, now, this is just conjecture based on rumor and gossip,

but l figure maybe she's the granddaughter of Princess Kahiwalani.

That's ridiculous!

Well, it's iust a theory.

Like l said, it probably couldn't be true, because if it were,

somebody like you, with all your publishing experience,

would probably write a little book about it

and become rich and famous.

That would be big news, wouldn't it?

l'm afraid l'm going to have to ask you to leave.

l'm leaving! l just wanted to hear what you thought about my theory

before l gave it to the press.

You'd be making a big mistake.

Yeah.

All right, all right.

The girl was here yesterday.

And she does bear a slight resemblance

to Princess Kahiwalani. Very slight.

As a matter of fact, l was startled when l saw you.

You look a bit like...

Like who?

lt doesn't matter.

Like an American Navy lieutenant, maybe?

Someone who was very close to Princess Kahiwalani?

None of that matters. The point is, she is a confused, neurotic girl

who desperately wants to believe that she's royalty.

Well, l think l'd like to decide that for myself.

She thinks she is Kahiwalani!

l have to warn you.

She can be very convincing. Most schizophrenics are.

Easy. It's okay.

Wait...

Don't run away.

l have to talk to you.

Who sent you here?

Nobody.

Did my husband tell you...

No.

l have something that

l think belongs to you.

Princess Kahiwalani's Iocket.

Where did you get it?

lt was sent to me

by Pali-Uli Keahikapu.

Why does everyone think l...

What?

lf you're looking for a donation, we already gave.

You're bothering my wife.

l just wanted to ask her a few questions.

l suggest you leave before l call the police.

MAGNUM : The Magnum síde of me was sayíng, loud and clear,

''Stay out of somethíng that ísn't any of your busíness.''

But the Sullívan síde kept me wonderíng why Víctoría seemed so fríghtened.

Oh, hey, l'm really sorry about this.

l'm having a little problem with my steering mechanism.

lsn't that right, Dick? Anyway, are you okay?

Yeah l think so.

Well that's good.

Because the only reason we pulled you over like that

is, um, l have to deliver something here.

HIGGINS: That's very good. Very authentic.

One could almost believe you were in an actual altercation.

l was in an altercation.

Oh, incidentally, your mother called.

She said you wanted to ask her some question about family history.

Yeah. Well...

l suppose you believe you had a great-uncle who sailed the South Pacific

and managed to get his picture into a locket

which would someday find its way into your possession.

ls that really so completely far-fetched?

Yes.

ls this all you got on Hawaiian history?

l would think that all these volumes would be sufficient

to find whatever it is you're looking for.

What's that? What's what?

That book there. The book you were hiding.

l'm not hiding anything.

Aha.

You were hiding it.

Don't be ridiculous. Why on earth would l hide...

Gladys Shimpel's book!

Why, Higgins?

Why?

Because it's Gladys Shimpel's book, that's why!

You expect me to believe that you've even heard of Gladys Shimpel?

The Islands' foremost expert on Hawaiian history.

Are you kidding? Everyone's heard of Gladys Shimpel.

And Gladys Shimpel's theory of Princess Kahiwalani was never proved.

You knew about this. That's why you were hiding it.

And just because it lends some credence to your ridiculous theory...

But isn't it possible we're right,

me and Gladys? It was all conjecture and rumor.

But possible,

just possible,

that Princess Kahiwalani had a son the year she spent in England,

the result of a romance with an American Navy lieutenant.

That's all well and good, Magnum,

but even if it were true, even if,

you're saying that this man, William Keyes,

kept his wife's identity secret for years,

and then sent two thugs to beat you up

when you began to get too close to his secret.

Well? Well, it's absurd.

William Keyes is a prominent citizen

well known for his philanthropic acts.

Why would he suddenly start behaving like a common criminal?

l don't know, Higgins.

But l intend to find out.

RICK: Listen, Thomas, l have about 500 things

left to do for the pageant. Come on, Rick, 500?

That's a little bit of an exaggeration. Don't you think?

l have to pick the programs up from the printers,

l have to okay the costumes for the dancers...

This won't take any time at all!

l'll have you back in an hour, Rick!

Yeah, yeah, that's what you always say!

lt took a little digging,

but l came up with something on your boy.

Personally, l'm always a little suspicious

of anybody that looks as clean as William Keyes.

Yeah, well l never tru!sted the guy either.

Here you are, honey.

What'd you find?

Well, on the surface,

it appears like he's a very successful investor.

Ah! Card one is the chariot!

Triumph, victory, hope,

(WHISPERING) success!

That's great. She's real good at this.

You said that he appears to be successful on the surface.

lCE PICK: That's right. WOMAN: However,

here we have the tower.

Danger, ruin, destruction of plans.

Sudden death.

(STAMMERING) Where?

Excuse me. What's underneath the surface?

What? Huh? Under the surface? Oh.

He's a hustler who's into some very big-time operators

for a quarter of a million.

Would you mind getting me some more tea, dear?

lt's over there on the bar.

How about you? No thanks, l'm fine, ma'am.

You think he's got the money to pay them off?

l know for a fact he doesn't. He's flat broke.

lt's not the first time, either.

lce Pick, what are you doing?

Sometimes you have to take the future into your own hands.

Oh, thank you, my dear. Now, where were we?

Card two. Four of disks.

Four of disks! You hear that?

Four of disks!

Power. Law and order.

Gain of money and influence.

Didn't l tell you she was great?

Your man's going to have to come up with some money, fast.

lf the lady's in danger,

it's going to come from that corner.

Well, we got to go. Thanks, Ice Pick.

Oh! Yeah. Nice meeting you.

Goodbye.

Now, what does the future hold for me?

l gotta give you credit. You said we'd be less than an hour, and you were right.

lt's a good thing, too.

'Cause l gotta be back at the estate

to give the usherettes instructions at 2:OO.

Usherettes? Dancers?

Have you ever noticed that all your urgent tasks

seem to have something to do with a bunch of pretty women?

Uh-huh. Well, l will be back at the estate by 2:OO.

We could be. If our next stop doesn't take too long.

Thomas!

l think this is a very bad idea.

l don't think you're supposed to go into dead people's houses.

Ain't that against the law or something?

lf you see anybody coming up the road, just let me know.

Wait, who's gonna be coming up the road? l don't know!

That's why l need somebody to keep a lookout.

Oh, great. Just great!

Hey, will you hurry up? This place gives me the creeps.

MAGNUM: One character traít on the Magnum síde of the famíly tree:

extreme stubbornness.

At least, that's what my mom always called ít.

My dad líked to call ít perseverance.

When all logíc and reason told me to stay away from thís case,

my stubborn streak took hold.

l had to know why thís woman, Palí-Ulí,

had tríed to draw me ínto her world on the day that she díed.

l could only hope that she had le Ft a clue behínd,

to gíve me some sort of an answer.

lt was begínníng to look líke she had done just that.

(TIRES SCREECHING)

Thomas! Someone's coming!

Thomas, let's get out of here!

Thomas!

Come on, come on, Iet's go!

(TIRES SCREECHING)

Princess Kahiwalani didn't commit suicide.

She was killed by her husband.

She and her Navy lieutenant lover.

l'd like to hear all about it,

but could we get the hell out of here?

Which is exactly what Pali-Uli thought was going to happen

to Kahiwalani's granddaughter, Victoria.

Thomas!

RICK: First of all you almost get m!e killed

over somebody who's been dead for 80 years.

Then you expect me to buy a story

about Victoria Keyes, princess reincarnated?

l didn't almost get you killed!

And l'm not asking you to buy anything.

l'm iust telling you what Pali-Uli believed.

Now, she wrote that Kahiwalani's husband found her and her lover,

killed them both, and then set fire to the house.

(SCOFFS) That's very interesting, Thomas,

but l got to tell you,

l'm a little busy right now, so if you'll excuse me...

So you're saying Victoria is doomed

to repeat Kahiwalani's death at her husband's hands

unless the karma is somehow broken.

Right. That is, if you believe the theory.

(SCOFFS)

And you're going to buy into this?

Yeah, l'm still holding.

lf it were karma, and if she had to repeat it,

the Navy officer would have to die with her.

Oh, come on. That's all superstitions and ghost stories.

Without a doubt. Although there are some of perhaps inferior intellect

who support the theory of reincarnation.

First of all why would! Keyes

believe that Victoria was the granddaughter of the Princess?

Desperate people have a way of finding out all kinds of things.

Yeah, l'm still here. Go ahead.

Not that l for a moment entertained the idea,

but it was once proposed to me that l embody the spirit

of a rather brilliant military advisor to Catherine the Great.

l'm certain if l were to mention his name,

you'd see the similarity in character traits

which would make such an observation possible,

however misguided.

However, that's hardly the important issue at the moment.

(SNAPPING FINGERS)

Thanks, Darla. l owe you one.

The problem is, if we accept any part of this bizarre theory...

There's no way of proving that Keyes is planning to murder his wife.

Precisely.

Just because Pali-Uli believed it, it is hardly probable cause.

But maybe a $500,OOO insurance policy is.

Especially if it contains a suicide clause.

There's someone else besides Pali-Uli who knows about this.

KAIMl: She wanted to take some of Princess Kahiwalani's personal articles.

They belong to the museum.

l couldn't iust let them go to some crazy woman.

And what made you think she was crazy?

She thinks she's Kahiwalani!

She's obsessed with the idea that she's the Princess come back to life.

Did she tell you that?

No! Her husband did.

He called.

Yes, he called several times, asking for certain items.

He apologized, said he was humoring his wife,

that she had all kinds of fantasies that included...

Suicide.

A fixation on Kahiwalani's suicide, actually.

Oma'oma'o Valley.

KAIMl: Oma'oma'o Valley.

A house was buílt for Príncess Kahíwalaní and her husband.

lt was never líved ín.

Wíllíam Keyes saíd hís wífe was obsessed wíth restoríng ít and lívíng ín ít.

He saíd she wanted to recreate Kahíwalaní's lífe.

MAGNUM : The ancíent Hawaííans called ít hana hope.

Some people called ít karma.

My grandfather called ít destíny.

But then, he was a Sullívan.

l dídn't know whether to belíeve ít or not,

but whether Víctoría was lívíng out the destíny of her famous grandmother

or símply ín trouble all on her own,

l knew l had to do whatever l could to help her.

(LIQUID SLOSHING)

(CAR APPROACHING)

RICK: Somebody should've heard from him by now.

He'd let us know if he was in trouble.

lf he could.

We should send someone over to William Keyes' house.

WILLIAM: Pre-show jitters?

William! Uh, Mr. Keyes, l, uh... That is, uh...

Don't worry, Jonathan, everything is going to go like clockwork.

Yes, l'm quite sure your... Where is...

ls Mrs. Keyes attending the performance?

No. No, l'm afraid she came down with a bad headache.

l left her in her bed. We'll see you after the show?

Yes. Good.

(EXPLOSlON)

(ALL CHANTING IN HAWAlIAN)

Ah.

''...and presently the sun had cleared the eastern híll

''and the glow,, of the day was no more.

l have the honor

to present to you the man who made thís pageant possíble,

for wíthout hís fundraísíng efforts,

we would not have been able to present thís program to you today.

Ladíes and gentlemen, Mr. Wíllíam Keyes.

(ALL GASPING)

Thanks.

MAGNUM: l know what you're thínkíng.

And l agree.

There was nothíng more to Palí-Ulí's theory of reíncarnatíon,

than the workíngs of a romantíc, ímagínatíve mínd,

and the devíous, manípulatíve mínd of Wíllíam Keyes.

And, maybe, a líttle wíshful daydreamíng

on the part of Thomas Sullívan Magnum.

HIGGINS: Oh, there you are.

l've iust seen Victoria, Mrs. Keyes,

off at the airport.

She asked me to give you this note.

VICTORIA: Dear Thomas. Please forgíve me for leavíng

wíthout stoppíng by to at least say thank you.

Somehow ''thank you'' seemed so ínadequate,

and l wasn't quíte sure what else to say.

l know there must be some reason our líves were drawn together so mysteríously.

But l also know sometímes ít's foolísh to go chasíng down reasons.

Maybe ít's better to just accept ít

and let ít go.

So l guess l'll just say mahalo and goodbye.

She also asked me to give you this.

lt's

quite a remarkable photograph of Princess Kahiwalani

one Pali-Uli had kept in her private collection.

So l guess we can put this reincarnation theory to rest,

once and for all.

l guess we can, Higgins.

Mahalo.

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