All language subtitles for Magnum P.I. s06e09 niopu.eng

Somewhere on this island,
they have buried $1 million.

They are conducting
a treasure hunt...

Buried on this island?
A million dollars?

Take the chest and keep going.

You really think someone's
going to come after you to get to the clues?

(SCREAMlNG)

(SCREAMlNG)

Dig! Let's go. Dig! All right!

(SCREAMlNG)

That was a bat.

I guess I'm a real
neurotic mess, anyway.

Let's just try and make
the best of the rest of the treasure hunt, okay?

(SCREAMlNG)

MAN: Jump. All of you.

You can't be serious.

Down there?

In the water?

In the water.

Look, guys, I think there's
room for discussion here. Why don't we...

No. No more talk.
We're through talking.

Everybody over the side,
in the drink.

Come on. I mean,
we're all rational human beings.

I mean, why don't we try
and work something out?

After all, there's
more than enough to go around here.

WOMAN: Not necessarily.

Everyone stay
exactly as you are.

The Great Treasure
of Kalaniopu'u Treasure Hunt is history.

Time for the grand finale,
right now.

MAGNUM: I suppose you're
all wondering how we got into this mess.

A fair question.

Well, it all started
a very long time ago.

In the year 1759, to be exact.

And someplace
right around here.

Move! Blast ye!

The heathen Kalaniopu'u
is upon us. Come on, faster.

Aye, Captain Dawkins.
Aye.

DAWKlNS:
Come on now, boys, let's run.

Faster, me boys.

Come on, boys.

You and you,
take the chest and keep going.

We'll rendezvous
at the Cave of the Wild Boar where waits Reverend Brown.

And Maggie.

Aye, Maggie.

But, Captain,
what about you?

Here we'll stand. Go!

Gentlemen, load your muskets.

Send them to hell!

MAGNUM: A real cliffhanger.
But considering what happened next,

I'd have to say
that Captain Dawkins

and his band of pirates
may have been the lucky ones.

After all, they were
just fiction. Everything else was reality.

(KNOCKlNG)

HlGGlNS: Magnum.
I say, Magnum.

MAGNUM: Sort of.

Why don't you knock?

Knock? I veritably tore
the door from its hinges

in a vain attempt
at civilized entry. You are late.

Late? Late where?

To the Kalanianaole Pavilion
on the Windward Coast.

The what?

Higgins, come on,
I had a rough six hours at the university last night.

No doubt with that overeager,
underaged coed you've been seeing.

That overeager,
underaged coed is my tutor.

Spare me the euphemism.

She is!

In what subject?
Advanced debauchery?

Business administration.

Dear me.
Whatever for?

To improve the economic side
of my business.

Never mind.
Why are you here and what am I late for?

I'm here about
The Treasure of Kalaniopu'u.

That's my copy.
I bought and paid for it with my own money.

It seems that Robin Masters'
publishing company

has come up with
a cheap gimmick

unworthy of Mr. Masters,
in my opinion,

to increase
the paperback sales of The Treasure.

Oh, well,
I did my part.

Somewhere on this island
they have buried $1 million.

As did the character
Captain Dawkins in the novel.

And they are conducting
a treasure hunt

based on the incidents
in the book to spur sales.

A million dollars?

A mere write-off for them.

A million dollars?

And in the long run
much more valuable with the expected increase in sales

plus a potential
motion picture. Be that as it may...

Buried on this island?
A million dollars?

Be that as it may,
you have been volunteered by Mr. Masters,

who, I might add,
finds the whole thing as unseemly as I do

and has fled indefinitely
to the south of France

to coordinate this charade
with a representative from the publishing company.

Boy, think of the tax problems
I'm gonna have, Higgins.

Think of your duty, Magnum.
Huh?

Your tax problems
are irrelevant.

Why?
If I find a million dollars...

Have you not heard a word
I've said?

You are an employee
of Mr. Masters in this venture.

You are, therefore,
not eligible.

Not eligible?

And late.

AMY: Very late, Mr. Magnum.

I trust this isn't
a harbinger of your future work habits.

Thirty-nine down.
What?

"Something that foreshadows
or presages what is to come."

Last Sunday's
New York Times crossword puzzle.

Thirty-nine down.
Harbinger.

You probably cheated.

Why do you need
our medical insurance?

In case anything happens.

I did not cheat, Miss...

Ms. Griswald. Amy.
Mount Kisco, New York.

And I bet you did cheat.

Well, we'll never know,
will we?

What I would like to know
is what my "future work habits" entail.

You know, consist of.
Be consistent with. Inevitably involve.

Oh, I don't think he cheated,
Ms. Griswald.

Yes, thank you. Good luck.

What your job
inevitably involves, Mr. Magnum,

is helping me keep
this treasure hunt honest.

Fine. Honest.

Yo, Thomas!
Where do I sign up?

Ah. Wow, this is great.
One million simoleons.

And all I gotta do
is read this here pirate book.

Rick, I think you're
gonna have to do more than just read it.

You're gonna have
to read into it.

You are required to take
225-year-old clues

and translate that into
a search throughout modern Oahu.

Starting here, the site
of the pagan sacrifice,

as so colorfully depicted
in the novel.

Yeah, right.
Pagan sacrifice, great stuff. Here, baby.

Rick, I don't think
this is going to be that easy.

Who cares?
I have a plan.

They all do.

It is kind of silly, isn't it?

Kind of?

I think it's absolutely
the most foolish stunt

to hit the literary world
since the Howard Hughes will.

I know that I did not
torturously apply myself

to the taskmasters
at Bennington,

then slave in
the publishing houses along Madison Avenue

for the past 10 years
to wind up doing... Doing this.

I'd rather be undertaking
what I've been trained to do, editing Norman Mailer.

With a saber, of course.

MAN: Or what about a scalpel?

MAGNUM: Doc lbold?

Why not?
I could make very good use of that money.

I can buy
a new set of golf clubs.

And I shall swear
to my patients

that I'll only hunt
for that treasure on Wednesdays and weekends.

Hey, like, I'm curious.
Are there, like, other prizes

for finding most of the clues
or something? Like...

Like a computer?

It's all or nothing,
young man.

Oh, okay.

Hey, like, I'm also curious,
Ms. Griswald.

I mean, what am l
supposed to be doing here? Protecting you?

I mean, because you know
where all the clues are and the treasure's hidden, right?

Wrong.

I trust your mental deductions
in your chosen field

aren't as haphazardly
thought out as those

or you'd probably be
bumming off the good graces of Robin Masters

instead of working.

Now, the clues will be
sent to me one at a time

by the prestigious
accounting firm of Fletcher and Kilroy

in New York to
insure my safety.

And honesty.
I mean, it's just a haphazard deduction.

Listen, I'll see you,
Thomas.

Oh, bye, Doc.

Good morning. Good morning.
Good morning, Mr. Magnum.

I'm here to become
rich and famous,

along with my lovely
and charming partner.

Hi.
Cards are over there.

Oh.
Hi, I'm Thomas Magnum. I don't think we've met.

Donna Clemens.

I teach literature
over at the university.

AMY: (SCOFFlNG)
This is hardly literature.

Well, good luck.
I think the contest starts in about...

Exactly 12:00.

Great. Great.

And we will be ready.
Research materials.

We'll be right back
with these cards. My dear.

Safety.

You really think someone's
going to come after you to get to the clues?

Who knows?
And who the hell cares?

Excuse me.
Doug Fenwick and Terry Dobbs, direct from Beantown.

We're here to sign up
for the treasure hunt.

ALL: 10, 9, 8, 7,

6, 5, 4, 3, 2, 1.

(FlRES)

(ALL SHOUTlNG)

Oh, Jonathan, isn't this
jolly good fun?

Well, they're off and running.

In pursuit of
the quintessential sucker's bet.

Why? One of them's gonna win.

And the rest?
I reiterate, Magnum. This is dumb.

MAGNUM: Well, it wasn't
Robin's idea.

Maybe.

But if he were
a serious novelist addressing the human condition

in an incisive
and intellectual manner,

we certainly
wouldn't be here doing this.

At least,
I wouldn't be here.

Well, maybe Robin
is addressing the human condition.

Yes? How so?

What bleak aspect
of human nature

is Robin Masters exploring
in The Treasure of Kalaniopu'u?

Greed.

Well, where to,
Ms. Griswald?

The Blue Coral Reef Hotel
near downtown.

That's the vicinity
of the first clue.

You happen to know
where that eminent hostelry might be?

Yes, as a matter of fact,
I do.

Robin and I had lunch there
when I was chauffeuring him around,

scouting locations
for this book.

Oh, how droll.

Shall we, then?

Bye, guys.

MAGNUM: And so, the Great
Treasure of Kalaniopu'u Treasure Hunt was on.

And the great literary flash
from Mount Kisco and I

were off running on a road
straight to a million.

But for some of the others,
this road might prove to be a little more serpentine.

How you doing?

Close.

To the treasure?

No. To figuring out
the first clue.

What I can't understand is

why we just can't
skip all this clue stuff

and go straight to where
the treasure's buried.

Because, if you had read
the book...

I read the book.
I've read all of Robin Masters' books.

And Mad Buck Gibson
and Tolstoy.

But that still doesn't tell me
how come we just can't zip to the treasure,

skip all this
clue and other stuff.

Because we have
to substantiate to Amy Griswald

and to Magnum
that we did in fact figure out all the clues.

You know,
where we need to start is that Hawaiian village

that Dawkins and his crew
found when they first landed.

Okay, okay, where is it?

That's what I'm trying
to figure out if you'll let me.

Okay, okay, okay.

Okay. Listen to this.

"The high priest
Kalaniopu'u's village

"was nestled in a beach alcove
surrounded by a peaceful placid harbor

"large enough to accommodate
Captain Dawkins' three masters..."

Oh, wait, wait, wait, wait.
Fisherman's Wharf.

Fisherman's Wharf.
Go on, go on, go on. All right!

"lt was guarded
by an ancient banyan tree that rose majestically..."

Oh! The Federal Building.
Ha! Let's go.

All right. Don't drive fast
enough to get us killed.

(HOOTlNG)

DONNA: Slow down.

T.C.: We'll have
all of our lives to slow down.

Watch it.

Do you have to be so clumsy?

Très élégant.

Well, fortunately,
we'll only have to endure

this deplorable situation
one night.

Then what?

We go to where
the next clue takes us.

Where's that?
Would you... Shh!

Will you please
give me some credit?

Fine, but give me
some credit, too.

We are a team, aren't we?

We are not a team.

I am the supervisor
of this contest. You are working for me.

Your job is to keep away
the weirdoes and the kooks.

Oh, okay, I can see
how that could be a problem. Watch it!

(CHUCKLlNG)

Look, look, I can't tell you
where the specific clue sites are.

There's no need
for you to know. There is a need to protect me.

So, come on,
let's just get registered.

Ms. Griswald.

Here you are, 201 2,
the honeymoon suite.

You're hardly serious.

It's on the computer.

I think you made
a mistake there.

No mistake.
It's on the computer.

I don't care if it's etched
in Paleolithic granite,

this is clearly unacceptable.

We are supposed to have
adjoining but separate rooms.

You're not married?

BOTH: No!

Look, Mr. Kono,

my company made
these reservations three weeks ago.

Two rooms.

Maybe the computer
did make a mistake.

The computer does not
make mistakes.

Maybe you made a mistake.
I know I did.

I'm terribly sorry,
but it'd be very difficult to move you

as there's a whole convention
staying here.

The Royal Order
of Water Buffaloes from Dayton, Ohio.

You're kidding.

No, ma'am.

Well, then move them! Now!

Or I'll have this place
reduced to rubble! Rubble! Do you hear me?

Maybe we can work
something out.

You'd better.

Hey, pal, you can have
my room.

I wouldn't wish that
on anyone, even my worst enemy.

Come on, Magnum, on your feet.
Everything is taken care of.

Now all we have to do
is find the damn place.

Listen, I know it's here
somewhere.

KlKA: Hey, you'd better
find it, brah,

otherwise we'll be
out a cool million, you know?

And that'll be the end
of our beautiful partnership.

I got it.

Hey, listen, Kika,
are you sure

that we're headed
in the right direction?

Of course I'm sure, Doc.

(LAUGHlNG)

The village of Kalaniopu'u
is the village of my ancestors.

Yeah, the village
of your ancestors

has not been in existence
for some 200 years.

We Hawaiians have a great
oral tradition.

Well, I hope that this haole
and this Hawaiian have a terrific future.

Hey, listen, Kika, what are
you gonna do with all that money?

Are you gonna buy out
the petty cab industry?

(LAUGHlNG)

Are you kidding, man?
I'm gonna live!

No more peddling around
those over-sized tricycles, you know, all over town.

Hey, I'm gonna be
like Magnum, you know. My own estate.

My own red sports car.
Maybe I'll become a Pl, too.

Hey, Doc, you and me
are gonna go downtown, find that cash

and live like kings.

Like King Kamehameha, huh?

You got it.

All right, this is fun.
Let's go.

MAGNUM: If they only knew
what fun I was really having.

I mean, it was bad enough
being stuck doing this silly job

with the supercilious
Amy Griswald,

but I was also missing
the Detroit-Toronto game

which was being beamed
at this very moment

Iive and direct from Canada
via satellite

to Robin's new dish
and my comfortable old guest house.

My options here
were sadly more limited.

(WOODY WOODPECKER LAUGHING)

And, so far, I was really
having a hard time

figuring out what I was really
supposed to be doing.

I knew we were
in the general vicinity of the first clue,

but Ms. Griswald refused
to even tell me specifically where it was.

As if I even cared,
not being eligible anyway.

It was the kind of evening
where I even found myself

rooting for Woody
to fall out of his tree.

(DOOR OPENS)

Ms. Griswald?

(AMY SCREAMS)

Amy.

(AMY SCREAMS)

Oh.

You okay?

(SCREAMS)

No! It's me, it's me. It's me.

Oh, I'm sorry. I'm sorry.
That's okay.

(EXCLAlMS)

You okay?

Yeah, yeah.
Physically. Physically, yes.

Emotionally, psychologically,

(WATER RUNNlNG)
and in terms of every woman's angst, no.

(SCREAMS)

No, no, you're fine,
you're fine.

It's okay.
Yeah.

All right?
Yeah.

What happened?

Two intruders broke in
and tried to steal the first clue.

Did they get it?

(SCOFFS)
It's all right here.

Well, that's just great.
That's great.

How am I supposed
to protect the integrity of this contest,

not to mention you,
if you don't confide in me?

You're right.
This is all getting too weird.

Okay, I'll tell you
where it is.

Great.

But you've also got
to tell me one thing.

What?

Just where the hell
do you expect me to sleep tonight?

MAGNUM:
Amy was only half right.

Not only were things
getting "too weird, "

they were also getting
too dangerous.

And it wasn't only her
I was concerned about.

All my friends
were involved, too.

T.C.: Okay. It's here.

Where?

You'd really need
a bulldozer to dig up all this cement.

Not necessarily.

The majestic banyan tree.

Deeper.

Any deeper and we're talking
China here.

We found it. We did it.

(SHUSHlNG)

They'll hear you.
Let's have a look.

T.C.: Well, great.
We found it, but what does it mean?

DONNA: I think I know
what it means.

I think I know.

Well, what? What?

Hi.

What are you doing?
What are you doing here? T.C.

Take it easy.
The same as you are. I'm after the treasure.

You followed us!
I thought you had a plan.

Yeah, that's it.
I can live on a third of a million bucks real easy.

Now let's cover
this boulder up

before someone else knows
where to find it.

No, no you can't.
That's one of the rules of the contest.

You can't alter or disfigure
an exposed clue or you're disqualified.

I'm going to alter
and disfigure him.

Just take it easy, you can't.
We're friends and now we're partners.

Oh, we're history.

You're under arrest
for destruction of public property.

You're relieved, Officer.

Downtown wants us
to cordon off the area.

Right. Mahalo.

MAGNUM: So far,
it wasn't a particularly auspicious night

nor an auspicious beginning
for the Great Treasure of Kalaniopu'u Treasure Hunt.

I mean, spending the night
folded up on my couch

while Amy Griswald slept
peacefully in my bed,

no doubt dreaming dreams
of what she'd like to do

to Norman Mailer
and Ernest Hemingway, was not my idea of fun.

But I suppose
where Rick, T. C. and Donna spent theirs

wasn't a night
at the Ritz either.

RlCK: Come on, Lieutenant,
you gotta let us out of here.

You don't know
what's at stake.

What's at stake
is eight hours of sleep down the drain. Mine.

But, Lieutenant,
we're talking about a million bucks.

Look, Lieutenant, we'll
cut you in for 100 big ones.

Rick.

All right. A quarter.
You're an equal partner.

I'm a homicide investigator.
Now, why did you ask to see me?

Because you're the only cop
we know.

And we'd like to consider you
our friend.

And even though
I've only personally known you for a short period of time,

it's real easy to see
you're a man of grace and literary sensitivity.

And we knew
once everything was explained to you,

you'd understand.

And let us go.

Please, don't try to con me.

I've been conned by the best,
like your friend, Magnum.

And I have to say this,
the three of you are rank amateurs.

So I take it
you're not letting us go?

You destroyed
private property.

You're liable for damages
and so is the publishing company.

You got to know
that this is going on your records.

And furthermore...

(PHONE RlNGlNG)

Tanaka.

Oh.

Right. No problem.

You're free to go.

How come?

Apparently, there was
a misunderstanding.

The federal authorities
were aware of the boulder

and gave the treasure hunt
people permission.

Only thing was, the anonymous
passerby who called us didn't know that.

So, good night. Good night.

Mahalo, Lieutenant.

Just stay out of trouble.

(SCREAMlNG)

Oh, I'm sorry. I was...
I was dreaming about last night,

those two guys, and then
when I woke up, you were...

Do you know
how to make coffee?

You're not mad, are you?

Mad? Mad? No, of course not.
I mean, why should I be mad?

Being roommates with a...

Don't say it.

How do you know
what I was going to say next?

I'm a good guesser.

And the truth
of the matter is,

whatever you were
going to say, I deserve it.

I've been disparaging you
and this treasure hunt

ever since
they assigned me to it,

and I know you
were reluctant, too.

And I know that if it
weren't for you scaring off those guys,

and then talking to the cops

and then taking care
of everything last night, well,

I'd just be a real
neurotic mess.

(SCOFFlNG)

I guess I'm a real
neurotic mess anyway.

Thank you.

For what?

Everything.

Sure.

Let's just try and make
the best of the rest of the treasure hunt, okay?

Okay.

So, where's the next clue?

I don't know.
They're supposed to call.

(PHONE RlNGlNG)

Hello?

Griswald.

Yeah. Uh-huh.

Uh-huh.
Right. We'll be there.

Where?
Where's the next clue?

It doesn't matter.
They actually told me where the treasure is.

Now all we have to do
is show up

and wait
for the lucky winner to get there.

Really?
Yeah.

The whole thing?
Yeah.

Why?

Well, because
of what's happened,

they don't want to take
any more chances with me

or the hunt
getting compromised.

In other words,
we're just supervisors now.

We're through
being roommates.

Oh.

(BUZZlNG)

Thanks.

RlCK: A bat!

T.C.: (SlGHlNG)
That was not a bat.

(SCREAMlNG)

That was a bat.

Orville, will you just shut up
and come on?

Now, what's a couple of bats
compared to a million bucks?

(EXCLAlMlNG)

(BAT SQUEAKlNG)

I'm thinking about it.

RlCK: Where's that
First Mate guy anyway? Hey.

DONNA: Let me see. Ah!

Let's see. Okay, here we go.

"First Mate Dick Trevor
was instructed by Captain Dawkins

"to proceed to
the Cave of the Wild Boar where he..."

Wild boar. What wild boar?

Shut up.

"...where he was
to await further instructions.

"Unbeknownst to him..."

He was probably
killed by the bats. Pecked to death.

Probably sucked the blood
right out of his neck.

(BOTH) Shut up.

Well, at any rate,
according to the inscriptions we found on the rock,

we're in the right cave.

Now, all we have to do
is find First Mate Dick Trevor.

Sure. He's probably waiting
just around the bend.

(ALL SCREAMlNG)

ALL: You!

What are you guys
doing here?

We're lost.
Investigating.

Investigating what?

How about one million bucks,
investigating?

Mmm-hmm.

You two guys
better come clean.

Listen, after you
were arrested, the lieutenant called me,

just to make
an official report.

It was really
routine stuff and...

And we decided,
the best course of action,

and since you're all
friends of ours and to avoid any further complications,

was to investigate more fully.
So...

Yeah, so anyway, we were
looking at the snapshot of the boulder clue,

and, really, purely
for background purposes,

we kind of went out...
We just picked up a copy of the book and...

And tried to rip us off.

Mmm-hmm.

And these guys
aren't even registered.

But you are.

Maybe we can be
silent partners.

Silent partners?

That would mean
the split would be...

$200,000.

We can live with that.
Can you?

Unless you want to go back
to the station and answer a few more questions.

Come on.
I think it's this way.

(ALL EXCLAlMlNG)

That's it! I'm out of here!

Hold it. Hold it.

(BAYlNG)

Who's in here?

Come out or I'll...
I'll shoot.

You can't shoot people.

Yeah, well,
we can shoot ghosts.

There are no ghosts.

Look, you come out
or I'm coming in.

(BAYlNG CONTlNUES)

I'm gonna count to three.
One, two...

Okay, okay, okay,
we're coming.

How's it, brah?

"How's it, brah?" I'm gonna...

T.C.

What are you guys
doing here?

I believe we share
the same general interests.

I mean how...

It was rather difficult,
actually.

When we got
to the banyan tree,

which, evidently,
you so thoughtfully dug up,

we found there was
nobody there

except two
plainclothes policemen.

And they let you
look at the clue?

Well, no.
Actually, we waited for them to leave,

only to find that that clue,
that mark on the rock face,

had been hurriedly
painted over.

So my partner Kika and l
removed that boulder,

we took it to my lab
and we took off the paint.

That's what took us so long.

You mean, the cops painted
the rock over?

I guess.

I'm gonna get their names.
That's destruction of evidence.

That's not important.
What is important is the fact that right now

the seven of us in this cave
are the only ones who know the location of this clue.

Obviously, the painted rock
was a dead end for everybody else,

so the
treasure is ours.

Yeah, that's precisely right.

I apologize for alarming you,

but when we heard the voices
we decided

discretion was the better part
of valor

until we could ascertain
indeed precisely

who it was
that we were dealing with.

Oh, this is wonderful,
wonderful.

How many times does seven
go into a million?

One hundred and forty...

...two thousand
eight hundred...

...and 57 dollars...

...and 14 cents.

I knew it!

Where is this clue?

Right over here.

For in the book, remember,
First Mate Dick Trevor

swallowed that map
just before he was killed.

Well, where is it?
The suspense is killing me.

HlGGlNS: Oh, my God.

The treasure is here?

Apparently.

Buried beneath my prized bed
of grandiflora Queen Elizabeths?

Evidently.

Why?

I don't know.
I'm just a hired hand.

How? When?

I don't know.

Maybe it happened
last weekend

when you were on Maui
and I was at my economics seminar.

How could Mr. Masters
do this to me?

Calm yourself,
Jonathan.

It probably wasn't Robin,
Mr. Higgins.

I'm sure it was
the company's idea,

because in the book
the implication was

that the treasure was
finally located in a tropical garden.

You know, just before
the oh-so-tragic ending.

And this being
Robin's property, the advance man,

the genius
who figured all this out,

probably figured this was
the closest thing we had to one.

You know, a million dollars
is a million dollars.

We couldn't very well
just bury it anywhere.

On behalf of the company,
I do apologize.

And I'm sure any damage
to your flowerbed will be compensated.

That is not the point.

Jonathan, please.
You'll have a stroke.

I don't care. I...

Ms. Griswald,
telephone, Ms. Griswald.

Will you just excuse me
for a moment?

I still don't see why
my grandiflora Queen Elizabeths

had to perish for the sake
of a cheap publicity stunt.

I'm sure when all this
is over, Higgins,

you can get some
new flowers.

They're not just flowers.
They're...

AMY: Big trouble.
I'm glad you finally realize that.

I'm not talking
about the roses, Mr. Higgins.

That was Channel 8 news.

Somehow, they've stumbled upon
some of the treasure hunters at the cave

and they've sent a crew
up there to do a story on them.

I've got to get up there,
because if any of those clue sites appear on television,

the whole contest will be
compromised.

I'll go with you.

No, you won't.
I mean, you can't.

You've got to stay here
with the money. But...

And if any of the entrants
are smart enough

to have figured this part out,
you must supervise the unearthing.

I'll be back
just as soon as I can.

MAGNUM: But...
Please do as I ask.

I don't want to lose
my job,

intellectually degrading
as it may be.

I know how you feel,
Higgins,

but sometimes the whims
of the rich and powerful can be very capricious.

But I know
you'll get over it, really.

He's right, Jonathan.

And after all,
how much worse can things get?

(HONKlNG)

RlCK: Let's go for it.

KlKA: Dig! Let's go! Dig!

All right! Dig!

My God, there's nothing there.

I demand an explanation.

From me? Why me?

Because you are in charge
of this contest.

I'm not in charge
of this contest. Amy Griswald is, or was.

My job was to try
and keep it honest.

Performed, I might add,
in your typically superlative fashion.

Where is the million dollars?

I don't know.

All this death and mutilation
for naught, for naught.

Really. The treasure
should have been here.

This is the most specifically
delineated clue of the lot.

There can be no mistaking it.

Unless it was a plant.

It was many plants.

Oh, that's not
what I'm talking about.

Then, what, pray tell,
are you talking about?

Doc, what did those cops
who guarded the banyan tree look like?

One was blonde, baby-faced.

The other was
a little taller with a pencil-thin mustache

Iike Boston Blackie?
Remember him?

No.

But I bet you
Amy Griswald does.

Magnum, as usual,
you're not making any sense.

Oh, yes, I am.

Look, you take those
mystery intruders in Amy's motel room,

you add a couple of phony cops
with a can of paint,

and a mysterious phone call
from Channel 8

and you're gonna come up
with a couple of guys

named Doug Fenwick
and Terry Dobbs

in collusion with
Ms. Mount Kisco. I mean, don't you see?

She was spoon-feeding them
the clues as she got them from the accounting firm.

But after the manufactured
incident at the motel,

well, they just panicked
and gave her the whole ball of wax.

Which she handed to them.

Right!

That's a very interesting
theory, Mr. Magnum.

Thank you.

Yeah, and while they're off
stealing the treasure,

we're sitting here
discussing it.

So this bogus clue
from the skeleton is nothing more

than a classic case
of misdirection.

So what are we
gonna do about it?

Good question. What?

Yes, Magnum. What?

We go back to the book.

MAGNUM: The last chapter,
right where it gets real tragic.

If James does not
make it here, Maggie, it will not be

because he did not try,
nor does not love you.

It is simply
the Lord's will.

Was it the Lord's will
for him to steal the treasure?

But that was Spanish treasure.
We are at war with them, Maggie.

Captain James Dawkins
was merely doing his duty.

Nothing more, nothing less.

I'll die not having known
what it was like to be with him.

To have him as my husband.
We never should have left England.

Aye, I'll chug one to that,
milady. None of us should have left.

James.

Maggie.

Maggie.
At last, we're together.

Yes, yes.

The four of us.
We must go quickly.

Our only hope is to...

My God, Maggie.
We must flee.

Perhaps now
we can be together.

Yes. Always.

Wow, that's really tragic.
I should have read the book.

And Robin Masters should have
done his research.

Spain didn't enter
the Anglo-Franco war until 1762.

Yes, but who cares?
The point is that they jumped off the cliff.

Right, but listen
to this last paragraph.

"And so the brave
Captain Dawkins and his true love, Maggie Brown,

"plunged hand in hand
over the precipice

"into the brutally churning
waters below.

"And even though
they did indeed perish,

"their love would live
on and on."

What treacle.

I kind of liked it.

That's not the point.

My dear, what is the point?

The point is, there are no
churning fresh waters on Oahu.

Exactly.

But this is fiction.

Yeah, but the scouting trip
I took Robin on

before he wrote the book
wasn't.

He just used
a little literary license.

I know exactly
where they are.

MAGNUM: I know
what you're thinking.

Given what happened earlier,
we were walking into a certain trap.

I knew that.

But what Amy and her cohorts
didn't know

was what could happen when
the trappers became the trapees.

Nobody move.

I think.

Don't try anything stupid,
guys.

Jump.

All of you.

You can't be serious.

Down there?

In the water?

In the water.

Look, guys, I think there's
room for discussion here. Why don't we...

No. No more talk.
We're through talking.

Everybody over the side,
in the drink.

Come on. I mean,
we're all rational human beings.

I mean, why don't we try
and work something out?

After all, there's
more than enough to go around here.

AMY: Not necessarily.

Everyone stay
exactly as you are.

The Great Treasure
of Kalaniopu'u Treasure Hunt is history.

Time for the grand finale,
right now.

You know, I don't think
you're going to be doing much book editing anymore.

Unless you and these bozos
plan on doing some prison writing.

There's something about
a $1 million payday

that can make you
lose your zeal for working.

Now do as we say.
We've got a plane to catch.

I think you're bluffing.

That's it, I think
a swim will be just fine.

Stay right there, Rick.

(HELlCOPTER WHlRRlNG)

Get the rope!
Come on.

(LAUGHlNG)

I got it! I got it!

Money, money, money, money.

(SPLASHlNG)

(LAUGHlNG)

I'm sorry you lost your
grandiflora Queen Elizabeths over this.

Thank you, Magnum.
The gesture is appreciated.

But I suppose that when
one works,

as we do, for someone
as eccentric

and as anarchically impulsive
as Mr. Masters,

we must expect
the unexpected

and learn to live with
the somewhat absurd vagaries of his work.

You're right, Higgins.

I guess you and I'll
be doing this for a long time, too, huh?

You know, together.

Yes, as a matter of fact,
always.

(SCREAMlNG)

(SPLASH)

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