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1
00:00:03,655 --> 00:00:04,004
.
2
00:00:04,047 --> 00:00:06,484
- That's why I can't do it.
It's just too scary.
3
00:00:06,528 --> 00:00:10,227
Oh, ho, ho, ho.
No!
4
00:00:10,271 --> 00:00:12,055
[knocking]
- Hello?
5
00:00:12,099 --> 00:00:13,361
- Okay, listen.
6
00:00:13,404 --> 00:00:16,059
There's a guy out there
who's awake
7
00:00:16,103 --> 00:00:17,408
and doesn't know
what's happening, okay?
8
00:00:17,452 --> 00:00:19,715
You gotta pull it together.
You've got this.
9
00:00:19,758 --> 00:00:22,370
- No, I absolutely do not.
10
00:00:22,413 --> 00:00:25,242
I'm not meant for
any of this, Eleanor.
11
00:00:25,286 --> 00:00:27,070
I'm just middle management!
- [shushes]
12
00:00:27,114 --> 00:00:28,506
- What if I fail?
13
00:00:28,550 --> 00:00:30,682
It'll be like the failure
to end all failures.
14
00:00:30,726 --> 00:00:34,599
It'll be...an epic fail.
15
00:00:34,643 --> 00:00:36,210
Is my tie getting tighter,
16
00:00:36,253 --> 00:00:38,299
or is my neck getting
fatter somehow??
17
00:00:38,342 --> 00:00:40,083
Oh, this is what we do.
18
00:00:40,127 --> 00:00:41,824
We tell the judge we have
to cancel the experiment
19
00:00:41,867 --> 00:00:44,218
because I have a fat neck.
She'll understand.
20
00:00:44,261 --> 00:00:45,523
[knocking]
- Anyone?
21
00:00:45,567 --> 00:00:46,742
- Uh, okay, Michael.
Listen.
22
00:00:46,785 --> 00:00:49,832
You can do this.
You are Michael.
23
00:00:49,875 --> 00:00:53,270
You are smart and capable.
And you're a fearless leader.
24
00:00:53,314 --> 00:00:55,533
And you are gonna
take a deep breath,
25
00:00:55,577 --> 00:00:58,232
stand up,
open that door and say,
26
00:00:58,275 --> 00:01:01,191
"Hi, John. I'm Michael.
I'm the Architect.
27
00:01:01,235 --> 00:01:02,714
Come on in."
Got it?
28
00:01:02,758 --> 00:01:05,413
[quirky music]
29
00:01:06,892 --> 00:01:09,330
Hi, John.
I'm Eleanor.
30
00:01:09,373 --> 00:01:11,810
I'm the Architect.
Come on in.
31
00:01:13,160 --> 00:01:16,119
[uplifting music]
32
00:01:16,163 --> 00:01:20,254
♪
33
00:01:20,297 --> 00:01:22,082
So,
34
00:01:22,125 --> 00:01:24,649
let me sum this up
for you, John.
35
00:01:24,693 --> 00:01:26,216
Ya dead.
- What?
36
00:01:26,260 --> 00:01:28,305
- But don't worry,
it's okay that you're dead,
37
00:01:28,349 --> 00:01:31,308
because you, John Wheaton,
38
00:01:31,352 --> 00:01:33,615
are in the Good Place.
39
00:01:33,658 --> 00:01:35,573
You're here because of all
40
00:01:35,617 --> 00:01:38,141
the incredible things
you did on Earth,
41
00:01:38,185 --> 00:01:39,751
which are all
right in front of me,
42
00:01:39,795 --> 00:01:41,797
so let me just check your file.
43
00:01:43,451 --> 00:01:46,149
Mmm, good.
Yes.
44
00:01:46,193 --> 00:01:47,542
That's what I thought.
45
00:01:47,585 --> 00:01:50,545
Wow, John,
what a life you've led.
46
00:01:50,588 --> 00:01:52,764
Sorry, did I introduce Michael?
[laughs softly]
47
00:01:52,808 --> 00:01:55,202
He's my assistant.
48
00:01:55,245 --> 00:01:56,551
- Hi.
49
00:01:56,594 --> 00:01:58,509
- He just transferred
over here
50
00:01:58,553 --> 00:02:00,772
from Dog heaven,
so, you know,
51
00:02:00,816 --> 00:02:02,426
he's still getting
used to people.
52
00:02:02,470 --> 00:02:05,603
What do you say I show you
around the neighborhood?
53
00:02:05,647 --> 00:02:08,128
- So are you, like,
an angel or something?
54
00:02:08,171 --> 00:02:10,869
- Oh, John, aren't you sweet?
Enough about me.
55
00:02:10,913 --> 00:02:13,916
So, everything you see is here
56
00:02:13,959 --> 00:02:16,875
for you to enjoy for eternity,
57
00:02:16,919 --> 00:02:21,532
you and your 321 neighbors.
58
00:02:21,576 --> 00:02:23,795
- Ooh, uh,
why is it 322 people?
59
00:02:23,839 --> 00:02:25,841
Is that number
significant somehow?
60
00:02:25,884 --> 00:02:27,495
- Well--Janet?
61
00:02:27,538 --> 00:02:28,844
[soft beep]
- Hi, there.
62
00:02:28,887 --> 00:02:30,280
- It's me, Eleanor,
63
00:02:30,324 --> 00:02:32,239
the Architect
of the neighborhood.
64
00:02:32,282 --> 00:02:34,284
- Yep, that is
certainly information
65
00:02:34,328 --> 00:02:35,851
that I already knew.
66
00:02:35,894 --> 00:02:38,462
- Janet is a walking database
67
00:02:38,506 --> 00:02:40,290
of all the knowledge
in the universe,
68
00:02:40,334 --> 00:02:43,424
and since you, John, seem to
like asking a relentless number
69
00:02:43,467 --> 00:02:44,599
of questions, go ahead.
70
00:02:44,642 --> 00:02:46,514
Ask her anything.
- Okay, um,
71
00:02:46,557 --> 00:02:48,646
what's the craziest
secret celebrity hook up?
72
00:02:48,690 --> 00:02:50,648
- Drake and
Ruth Bader Ginsburg,
73
00:02:50,692 --> 00:02:52,346
on and off for years.
74
00:02:52,389 --> 00:02:53,912
- Okay, wow.
75
00:02:53,956 --> 00:02:56,306
Wait, so you really
do know everything?
76
00:02:56,350 --> 00:02:58,830
Kinda seems like she should
be running the neighborhood.
77
00:02:58,874 --> 00:03:00,484
- Yes, John, in retrospect,
78
00:03:00,528 --> 00:03:02,486
that does seem like
a much better idea.
79
00:03:02,530 --> 00:03:06,273
Hey, Janet, why don't you take
John inside to get some froyo?
80
00:03:07,535 --> 00:03:10,451
We'll catch up with you later.
Get over here now, dummy.
81
00:03:10,494 --> 00:03:12,366
- I'm sorry.
- Guys.
82
00:03:12,409 --> 00:03:13,758
Guys, guys, guys.
- Uh-oh.
83
00:03:13,802 --> 00:03:16,500
Michael looks like me.
That's bad.
84
00:03:16,544 --> 00:03:17,893
- Fun little update.
85
00:03:17,936 --> 00:03:19,547
Michael was feeling
a bit overwhelmed.
86
00:03:19,590 --> 00:03:22,637
So, new plan.
I'm now the Architect.
87
00:03:22,680 --> 00:03:25,509
And stop making those faces
because I already told John,
88
00:03:25,553 --> 00:03:26,902
and there's no going back now.
89
00:03:26,945 --> 00:03:28,860
- Well,
if I could pick anyone
90
00:03:28,904 --> 00:03:31,602
to impersonate
an immortal deity,
91
00:03:31,646 --> 00:03:32,864
well, it would be me,
92
00:03:32,908 --> 00:03:34,823
but if it couldn't be me,
it'd be you.
93
00:03:34,866 --> 00:03:36,520
- Yeah, you're gonna rock this.
94
00:03:36,564 --> 00:03:37,826
You're like the
Blake Bortles
95
00:03:37,869 --> 00:03:39,349
of whatever's
going on right now.
96
00:03:39,393 --> 00:03:41,438
I'm not really sure.
- Thanks, guys.
97
00:03:41,482 --> 00:03:42,831
I think I can be the Architect.
98
00:03:42,874 --> 00:03:44,485
I saw how Michael
ran the neighborhood
99
00:03:44,528 --> 00:03:46,400
in the memories he showed me
and there was, like,
100
00:03:46,443 --> 00:03:48,880
a four-year period where
Brad Pitt really wanted
101
00:03:48,924 --> 00:03:50,752
everyone to know how
into Architecture he was,
102
00:03:50,795 --> 00:03:51,970
and I read a lot
of those interviews,
103
00:03:52,014 --> 00:03:53,711
so I think that might help me.
104
00:03:53,755 --> 00:03:56,714
And before long, Michael
will be back to his old self
105
00:03:56,758 --> 00:03:59,543
and he can step in
and take over, right?
106
00:03:59,587 --> 00:04:02,720
- Look at the four of you
all together.
107
00:04:02,764 --> 00:04:05,723
Oh, I love you so much.
108
00:04:05,767 --> 00:04:07,638
- Okay, okay.
That's okay.
109
00:04:07,682 --> 00:04:10,902
Chidi, have Janet translate
the gibberish of these files.
110
00:04:10,946 --> 00:04:13,470
Tahani, continue working
on the welcome party.
111
00:04:13,514 --> 00:04:15,298
Oh, yes, the party.
So, for the napkins,
112
00:04:15,342 --> 00:04:16,604
I would normally
do a queen's tuck,
113
00:04:16,647 --> 00:04:18,040
but I was thinking
of shaking things up a bit
114
00:04:18,083 --> 00:04:19,563
with a Yorkshire butterfly.
115
00:04:19,607 --> 00:04:22,436
And this could not matter less.
Very sorry.
116
00:04:22,479 --> 00:04:24,525
Good-bye.
- [chuckles]
117
00:04:24,568 --> 00:04:26,744
- Hey, how's it going?
- This is overwhelming.
118
00:04:26,788 --> 00:04:28,355
It's every thought
and decision
119
00:04:28,398 --> 00:04:29,747
and action from
this guy's entire life.
120
00:04:29,791 --> 00:04:33,316
Like, this whole box
is just one trip to Wendy's.
121
00:04:33,360 --> 00:04:35,013
- Well, keep reading.
According to Michael,
122
00:04:35,057 --> 00:04:37,320
I usually asked for your help
by, like, day two,
123
00:04:37,364 --> 00:04:39,279
so you need to be ready.
124
00:04:39,322 --> 00:04:42,282
You know what?
At first, I was kinda nervous.
125
00:04:42,325 --> 00:04:43,935
But so far,
I think I'm doing okay.
126
00:04:43,979 --> 00:04:48,070
It's like I became such
a good person I almost forgot
127
00:04:48,113 --> 00:04:50,725
I'm a world-class liar, baby.
128
00:04:50,768 --> 00:04:52,944
- Very fun thing to hear
from your girlfriend.
129
00:04:52,988 --> 00:04:55,512
You're doing great,
and I have to admit,
130
00:04:55,556 --> 00:04:58,646
you being the Architect
is kinda hot.
131
00:04:58,689 --> 00:05:00,909
It's kinda like
I'm secretly dating my boss--
132
00:05:00,952 --> 00:05:02,432
not that I ever
would have done that.
133
00:05:02,476 --> 00:05:03,868
- Yeah, no, me neither.
134
00:05:03,912 --> 00:05:06,480
So, same.
Same.
135
00:05:06,523 --> 00:05:08,351
All right, I gotta get ready
for the next person.
136
00:05:08,395 --> 00:05:11,528
- Well then, I will say
good-bye to you platonically
137
00:05:11,572 --> 00:05:13,965
the same way a resident would
say good-bye to an Architect.
138
00:05:15,924 --> 00:05:17,882
Eleanor,
what if John had seen us?
139
00:05:17,926 --> 00:05:20,537
I'm scared,
and yet somehow turned on?
140
00:05:20,581 --> 00:05:22,496
- Scared is the best way
to be horny.
141
00:05:22,539 --> 00:05:24,802
[gasps] Oh, now who's
doing the teaching?
142
00:05:24,846 --> 00:05:26,587
[clipboard smacks]
- Hey, now, all right.
143
00:05:26,630 --> 00:05:29,111
- A little higher.
Thank you.
144
00:05:29,154 --> 00:05:30,460
- Tahani Al-Jamil.
145
00:05:30,504 --> 00:05:32,506
- Yes?
Do I know you?
146
00:05:32,549 --> 00:05:34,595
- Uh, no, no,
but I know you.
147
00:05:34,638 --> 00:05:36,466
I used to write about you
all the time on my blog.
148
00:05:36,510 --> 00:05:38,338
"The Gossip Toilet."
149
00:05:38,381 --> 00:05:40,644
We were the ones that invented
the Olsen twins countdown clock
150
00:05:40,688 --> 00:05:42,603
for when they became legal.
That was our blog.
151
00:05:42,646 --> 00:05:43,995
That was us.
[laughs]
152
00:05:44,039 --> 00:05:46,998
- Oh, my.
You were quite mean to me.
153
00:05:47,042 --> 00:05:48,652
- Oh, no.
I wouldn't call it mean, okay?
154
00:05:48,696 --> 00:05:50,828
My targets were rich and
high status and I was just
155
00:05:50,872 --> 00:05:53,483
doing the important work
of telling truth to power.
156
00:05:53,527 --> 00:05:56,399
So, wait, what about you, huh?
You died in Canada?
157
00:05:56,443 --> 00:05:57,661
[shouts]
158
00:05:57,705 --> 00:05:59,794
That is so weird
and embarrassing.
159
00:05:59,837 --> 00:06:01,491
That's like the nip slip
of dying...[laughs]
160
00:06:01,535 --> 00:06:03,014
Okay, listen.
We're gonna catch up later.
161
00:06:03,058 --> 00:06:05,103
I can't wait to hear
all about your new nose.
162
00:06:05,147 --> 00:06:07,802
- Oh, no.
I didn't get a nose job.
163
00:06:07,845 --> 00:06:09,412
- Oh, I know, I just figured
we're in heaven
164
00:06:09,456 --> 00:06:10,979
so we might as well
fix all of our flaws, right?
165
00:06:11,022 --> 00:06:12,110
Like, look at me.
166
00:06:12,154 --> 00:06:13,938
Nothing is staying
on this face.
167
00:06:13,982 --> 00:06:15,984
[laughs] Gosh.
- Huh.
168
00:06:16,027 --> 00:06:18,378
- What are the odds
that you and I
169
00:06:18,421 --> 00:06:20,554
would end up
spending eternity together?
170
00:06:20,597 --> 00:06:23,557
[quirky music]
171
00:06:23,600 --> 00:06:24,906
♪
172
00:06:24,949 --> 00:06:27,517
- Eleanor, Michael,
it is I, Tahani.
173
00:06:27,561 --> 00:06:29,563
- Yeah, we know, babe.
What's wrong?
174
00:06:29,606 --> 00:06:31,565
- I know John--
rather, he knows me.
175
00:06:31,608 --> 00:06:35,046
He's a gossip columnist
who tortured me on Earth.
176
00:06:35,090 --> 00:06:37,440
He made it seem like
I was shallow,
177
00:06:37,484 --> 00:06:39,050
plagued with jealousy,
178
00:06:39,094 --> 00:06:43,533
and prone to fits of melodrama.
179
00:06:43,577 --> 00:06:45,448
- What are you saying?
- Don't you see?
180
00:06:45,492 --> 00:06:48,538
The Bad Place didn't
pick the worst people.
181
00:06:48,582 --> 00:06:52,890
They picked the people
who would be the worst for us.
182
00:06:52,934 --> 00:06:55,806
- Of course.
How did I not anticipate this?
183
00:06:55,850 --> 00:06:58,113
Shawn didn't just choose
a bunch of serial killers.
184
00:06:58,156 --> 00:07:01,159
He chose your tormenters
or arch rivals.
185
00:07:01,203 --> 00:07:02,683
- Or exes.
186
00:07:02,726 --> 00:07:04,728
[foreboding music]
187
00:07:04,772 --> 00:07:06,817
Those motherforkers.
188
00:07:06,861 --> 00:07:09,907
[dramatic music]
189
00:07:12,693 --> 00:07:13,084
.
190
00:07:13,128 --> 00:07:15,565
- This is insane and obviously
against the rules.
191
00:07:15,609 --> 00:07:17,480
- Yeah, too bad it's not,
dill hole.
192
00:07:17,524 --> 00:07:19,003
- She'll remember them.
193
00:07:19,047 --> 00:07:21,049
It's going to destroy
the integrity
194
00:07:21,092 --> 00:07:22,659
of the experiment, Your Honor.
195
00:07:22,703 --> 00:07:25,619
- Plus, now I have to live
next to a man who once lied
196
00:07:25,662 --> 00:07:29,579
and said I wasn't
at Diddy's White Party.
197
00:07:29,623 --> 00:07:31,189
I was there, Eleanor.
198
00:07:31,233 --> 00:07:33,104
I was.
You must believe me.
199
00:07:33,148 --> 00:07:34,758
- And how are we
gonna make Simone better
200
00:07:34,802 --> 00:07:36,368
when she's asleep
the whole time?
201
00:07:36,412 --> 00:07:39,371
Hello?
We can't work with this.
202
00:07:39,415 --> 00:07:41,504
- Your Honor, you never
stipulated that we couldn't
203
00:07:41,548 --> 00:07:43,637
choose people who had some
sort of connection to them.
204
00:07:43,680 --> 00:07:45,465
And Simone just happened
to die on Earth,
205
00:07:45,508 --> 00:07:48,555
which was really,
really cool...[chuckles]
206
00:07:48,598 --> 00:07:50,208
You wanna know
how it happened, Chidi?
207
00:07:50,252 --> 00:07:51,688
It's hilarious.
208
00:07:51,732 --> 00:07:53,734
- No!
- Okay, here's my ruling.
209
00:07:53,777 --> 00:07:56,301
It's not against the rules
for the four new humans
210
00:07:56,345 --> 00:07:58,216
to have connections
to the original four.
211
00:07:58,260 --> 00:08:00,349
Simone and John can stay.
- Booyah.
212
00:08:00,392 --> 00:08:03,613
- But it was kind of
a dirty trick,
213
00:08:03,657 --> 00:08:06,398
so Michael can erase
Simone's memory
214
00:08:06,442 --> 00:08:08,096
to the point before
she met any of you.
215
00:08:08,139 --> 00:08:10,794
- Fine.
Have fun with your ex, Chidi.
216
00:08:10,838 --> 00:08:13,754
What's that thing you humans
say when you're playing chess
217
00:08:13,797 --> 00:08:17,366
and you trap your opponent
into an inescapable position?
218
00:08:17,409 --> 00:08:20,108
Oh, right.
Eat butt, you ding dongs.
219
00:08:20,151 --> 00:08:21,413
[magical chiming]
220
00:08:21,457 --> 00:08:24,068
- Okay, okay.
Focus, team.
221
00:08:24,112 --> 00:08:25,548
Michael and I will
prep for Simone.
222
00:08:25,592 --> 00:08:27,158
Tahani, keep an eye on John.
223
00:08:27,202 --> 00:08:28,595
Jason, talk to no one.
Go nowhere.
224
00:08:28,638 --> 00:08:30,248
Do nothing.
- I won't let you down.
225
00:08:30,292 --> 00:08:32,381
- Okay, go, guys.
226
00:08:32,424 --> 00:08:34,426
Are you okay?
- I--no.
227
00:08:34,470 --> 00:08:36,472
Very obviously, no.
228
00:08:36,516 --> 00:08:39,649
- Look, you could spend
100 years in this neighborhood
229
00:08:39,693 --> 00:08:41,433
before you even
run into Simone.
230
00:08:41,477 --> 00:08:42,870
It'll be easy to avoid her.
231
00:08:42,913 --> 00:08:45,786
- No, no, but we don't
want me to avoid her.
232
00:08:45,829 --> 00:08:48,440
The whole plan is that
I'm supposed to help them
233
00:08:48,484 --> 00:08:50,312
learn ethics
so they can improve.
234
00:08:50,355 --> 00:08:52,270
- Okay, okay.
We can deal with that later.
235
00:08:52,314 --> 00:08:54,185
Let's just take this
step by step.
236
00:08:54,229 --> 00:08:56,448
Step one, you leave
so I can snap your
237
00:08:56,492 --> 00:08:58,799
amnesiac ex-girlfriend
out of her post-death coma
238
00:08:58,842 --> 00:09:00,540
and welcome her
into fake heaven.
239
00:09:00,583 --> 00:09:01,802
- That's step one?
240
00:09:01,845 --> 00:09:04,674
[uneasy music]
241
00:09:04,718 --> 00:09:06,371
- Janet?
- Hi, there.
242
00:09:06,415 --> 00:09:08,809
- Give me your opinion.
Is this a savage insult?
243
00:09:08,852 --> 00:09:11,202
"Nice shirt.
Who designed it?
244
00:09:11,246 --> 00:09:13,117
Marc Fake-obs?"
245
00:09:13,161 --> 00:09:14,379
- For people
in your social class,
246
00:09:14,423 --> 00:09:16,381
that is 84% savage.
247
00:09:16,425 --> 00:09:20,516
Although there is a 29% chance
he responds, "Oh, honey,"
248
00:09:20,560 --> 00:09:22,605
in a tone so devastating
you will think of it
249
00:09:22,649 --> 00:09:24,346
every day
for the rest of time.
250
00:09:24,389 --> 00:09:28,176
- I like those odds.
I'll go lay it on him now.
251
00:09:28,219 --> 00:09:29,743
No.
252
00:09:29,786 --> 00:09:33,355
That's exactly what the
Bad Place wants me to do.
253
00:09:33,398 --> 00:09:36,619
They sent John here to drag me
back into my old patterns--
254
00:09:36,663 --> 00:09:40,405
insecurity,
obsession with social status.
255
00:09:40,449 --> 00:09:43,626
I shan't let it happen.
256
00:09:43,670 --> 00:09:45,802
John,
I'm happy you're here with me.
257
00:09:45,846 --> 00:09:47,848
This is going to be good
for both of us,
258
00:09:47,891 --> 00:09:50,328
and I look forward
to putting the past behind us
259
00:09:50,372 --> 00:09:52,548
and becoming your friend.
260
00:09:52,592 --> 00:09:54,376
- Oh, my God.
You are so cute.
261
00:09:54,419 --> 00:09:56,291
You are so cute, it's gross.
You disgust me.
262
00:09:56,334 --> 00:09:57,814
I love you.
Get out of here.
263
00:09:57,858 --> 00:10:00,338
I never want to see you again.
I love you so much.
264
00:10:03,864 --> 00:10:06,518
- [sighs]
265
00:10:06,562 --> 00:10:08,825
Hi, Simone.
I'm Eleanor.
266
00:10:08,869 --> 00:10:10,914
Come on in.
267
00:10:10,958 --> 00:10:12,524
So, as a neuroscientist,
268
00:10:12,568 --> 00:10:14,309
are you surprised
there's an afterlife?
269
00:10:14,352 --> 00:10:15,702
- I am, frankly.
270
00:10:15,745 --> 00:10:17,791
I mean, there's a
decent chance this entire thing
271
00:10:17,834 --> 00:10:19,836
is just a complex
electrochemical reaction
272
00:10:19,880 --> 00:10:21,838
caused by my synapses
randomly firing
273
00:10:21,882 --> 00:10:23,971
in the millisecond
after my death.
274
00:10:24,014 --> 00:10:27,322
But this fro-yo is amazing,
so I'm just gonna roll with it.
275
00:10:27,365 --> 00:10:28,671
- What flavor did you get?
276
00:10:28,715 --> 00:10:30,717
- I got a twist--
half strawberry,
277
00:10:30,760 --> 00:10:33,502
half male-coworker-gets-called-
out-for-stealing-your-ideas.
278
00:10:33,545 --> 00:10:35,417
- Ooh, those go great together.
- Mmm.
279
00:10:35,460 --> 00:10:37,332
- Hi.
- Mmm, hi.
280
00:10:37,375 --> 00:10:39,682
Wow, all the other
residents seem so nice.
281
00:10:39,726 --> 00:10:42,554
- The residents are great, yes.
- [clears throat]
282
00:10:42,598 --> 00:10:44,556
- But, uh,
283
00:10:44,600 --> 00:10:46,733
don't feel like you need to get
to know all of them right away.
284
00:10:46,776 --> 00:10:49,910
Maybe just talk to Michael
and me for the first--
285
00:10:49,953 --> 00:10:51,868
I dunno, 6,000 years or so.
286
00:10:51,912 --> 00:10:54,001
Anyway, you just chill,
baby girl.
287
00:10:54,044 --> 00:10:55,567
We'll check in with you later.
288
00:10:55,611 --> 00:10:58,570
[mellow music]
289
00:10:58,614 --> 00:11:00,572
♪
290
00:11:00,616 --> 00:11:02,400
That went pretty well, right?
291
00:11:02,444 --> 00:11:03,880
I've always been good
at pretending
292
00:11:03,924 --> 00:11:05,447
I've never met people before.
293
00:11:05,490 --> 00:11:06,970
It's kinda my go-to power move.
294
00:11:07,014 --> 00:11:10,365
- I think this new dynamic
may actually be good.
295
00:11:10,408 --> 00:11:13,716
You know, it gives me
more time to observe and plan.
296
00:11:13,760 --> 00:11:15,718
You'll be the face
of the operation
297
00:11:15,762 --> 00:11:17,981
and I'll be the mastermind
behind the scenes,
298
00:11:18,025 --> 00:11:21,245
like Cyrano de Bergerac.
299
00:11:21,289 --> 00:11:22,725
Like, Kris Jenner.
300
00:11:22,769 --> 00:11:24,901
- Oh!
Totally.
301
00:11:24,945 --> 00:11:26,773
Yeah, I think
this is gonna be okay.
302
00:11:26,816 --> 00:11:28,949
- Yeah.
- No, it won't.
303
00:11:28,992 --> 00:11:30,690
It won't be okay,
304
00:11:30,733 --> 00:11:35,520
which is why you need to erase
my memory and reboot me.
305
00:11:35,564 --> 00:11:37,653
[tense music]
306
00:11:37,697 --> 00:11:40,525
- What are you talking about?
No forking way.
307
00:11:40,569 --> 00:11:42,614
We're not rebooting you.
- Shawn was right.
308
00:11:42,658 --> 00:11:44,616
Bringing Simone
to this neighborhood,
309
00:11:44,660 --> 00:11:45,922
it's checkmate.
310
00:11:45,966 --> 00:11:47,619
It completely neutralizes me.
311
00:11:47,663 --> 00:11:50,448
I'll be too freaked out
to help the new residents.
312
00:11:50,492 --> 00:11:52,755
The only way to
outflank Shawn is to make it
313
00:11:52,799 --> 00:11:54,452
so I don't remember Simone.
314
00:11:54,496 --> 00:11:56,759
- So, you have to run into
your ex occasionally.
315
00:11:56,803 --> 00:11:58,587
That's a part of life, man.
316
00:11:58,630 --> 00:12:00,284
I used to run into my exes
all the time at the mall,
317
00:12:00,328 --> 00:12:01,808
at the dentist office,
318
00:12:01,851 --> 00:12:04,462
when I drunk texted them
and told them to come over.
319
00:12:04,506 --> 00:12:06,334
- Look,
Simone is really perceptive.
320
00:12:06,377 --> 00:12:07,944
I might slip up
and reveal something.
321
00:12:07,988 --> 00:12:10,773
Look, this isn't just about me
feeling awkward around my ex.
322
00:12:10,817 --> 00:12:12,906
It's more about,
if I am awkward around my ex,
323
00:12:12,949 --> 00:12:15,343
everyone gets tortured forever.
324
00:12:15,386 --> 00:12:17,780
♪
325
00:12:17,824 --> 00:12:19,434
- No, there has
to be another way.
326
00:12:19,477 --> 00:12:20,783
- Oh, I've got it.
327
00:12:20,827 --> 00:12:22,785
Just remove Simone
from Chidi's memory
328
00:12:22,829 --> 00:12:24,395
and keep everything else.
329
00:12:24,439 --> 00:12:26,833
Boom.
- It doesn't work that way.
330
00:12:26,876 --> 00:12:28,617
You all spent
a lot of time together,
331
00:12:28,660 --> 00:12:31,489
so his memories of you and her
are all swirled together.
332
00:12:31,533 --> 00:12:32,926
But let's keep thinking.
333
00:12:32,969 --> 00:12:36,799
- Guys, I've thought
about this from every angle.
334
00:12:36,843 --> 00:12:38,670
If we don't wipe my memory,
335
00:12:38,714 --> 00:12:42,065
I will, one way or the other,
ruin the experiment.
336
00:12:42,109 --> 00:12:44,807
You know I'm right.
- No. No, man.
337
00:12:44,851 --> 00:12:47,636
It can't be, because
if we erase your memory
338
00:12:47,679 --> 00:12:49,507
all the way back
to before you met Simone,
339
00:12:49,551 --> 00:12:51,509
that includes Australia
and the study
340
00:12:51,553 --> 00:12:53,729
and the Soul Squad
and everything.
341
00:12:53,773 --> 00:12:56,819
That would be erasing--
- Us.
342
00:12:56,863 --> 00:12:58,516
I know.
343
00:13:02,085 --> 00:13:02,259
.
344
00:13:02,303 --> 00:13:04,958
- So, the plan is
to erase Chidi's memory
345
00:13:05,001 --> 00:13:06,394
all the way back to when
the air conditioner
346
00:13:06,437 --> 00:13:08,570
fell on his head
in his original timeline.
347
00:13:08,613 --> 00:13:10,572
- The judge has given us
until tomorrow morning
348
00:13:10,615 --> 00:13:12,661
before we have to bring in
the other two subjects.
349
00:13:12,704 --> 00:13:15,620
Tahani, the welcome party
will be tomorrow night.
350
00:13:15,664 --> 00:13:17,144
- Next time you see me,
351
00:13:17,187 --> 00:13:19,407
it'll be like
I'm a new resident.
352
00:13:19,450 --> 00:13:21,322
I won't know any of you.
353
00:13:21,365 --> 00:13:24,716
- So, will you remember
that time in Australia
354
00:13:24,760 --> 00:13:27,415
when we stayed up late
and we ate pizza together?
355
00:13:27,458 --> 00:13:29,069
- No, buddy, I won't.
356
00:13:29,112 --> 00:13:32,942
- Will you remember when
we ordered the pizza?
357
00:13:32,986 --> 00:13:34,117
- No.
358
00:13:34,161 --> 00:13:36,728
- Will you remember pizza?
359
00:13:36,772 --> 00:13:41,255
- Will I remember
what pizza...is?
360
00:13:41,298 --> 00:13:44,171
Yeah.
I'll still know what pizza is.
361
00:13:44,214 --> 00:13:47,304
- Okay, so not a total loss.
- But this is awful.
362
00:13:47,348 --> 00:13:49,176
You two won't
be together anymore.
363
00:13:49,219 --> 00:13:50,612
I haven't met
a more perfect couple
364
00:13:50,655 --> 00:13:53,006
since I set up Drake
with Ruth Bader Ginsburg.
365
00:13:53,049 --> 00:13:56,444
- Yes, we will
no longer be together.
366
00:13:56,487 --> 00:13:58,098
The Bad Place has pulled off
367
00:13:58,141 --> 00:14:00,752
the most intricate
cork blork of all time.
368
00:14:00,796 --> 00:14:02,450
Hmm, it's a nice touch that
369
00:14:02,493 --> 00:14:04,756
the cursing filter
maintains the rhyme.
370
00:14:04,800 --> 00:14:06,715
I appreciate that
attention to detail.
371
00:14:06,758 --> 00:14:08,978
- Hang on.
I'm not giving up yet.
372
00:14:09,022 --> 00:14:12,068
Let's have an old-fashioned
brainstorming session.
373
00:14:12,112 --> 00:14:13,591
We'll get Chinese food,
374
00:14:13,635 --> 00:14:15,637
and we'll throw pencils
and stick them in the ceiling,
375
00:14:15,680 --> 00:14:19,423
and someone will say something
innocuous and I'll say, "Wait.
376
00:14:19,467 --> 00:14:21,295
Say that again."
377
00:14:21,338 --> 00:14:23,427
- Michael, if there was
another choice, we'd choose it.
378
00:14:23,471 --> 00:14:24,994
Believe me.
379
00:14:25,038 --> 00:14:27,040
- You like learning
about humans, right?
380
00:14:27,083 --> 00:14:29,999
This is a classic
human situation.
381
00:14:30,043 --> 00:14:32,088
Your friends are going
through something awful,
382
00:14:32,132 --> 00:14:34,047
and there is nothing
you can do about it.
383
00:14:34,090 --> 00:14:36,571
Anyway, let's just
rip the Band-Aid off.
384
00:14:36,614 --> 00:14:39,139
Snappy, snappy, wipey, wipey.
385
00:14:39,182 --> 00:14:42,403
- I need a few minutes
to work it all out, so...
386
00:14:42,446 --> 00:14:46,059
[soft dramatic music]
387
00:14:46,102 --> 00:14:48,496
[door clicks]
388
00:14:48,539 --> 00:14:52,108
- I hate this.
And I'm sorry.
389
00:14:52,152 --> 00:14:54,676
And did I say that I hate this?
Because I hate this.
390
00:14:54,719 --> 00:14:57,679
- You don't need to apologize
for making a huge sacrifice
391
00:14:57,722 --> 00:15:00,508
to save your friends.
392
00:15:00,551 --> 00:15:03,293
This is why people love
moral philosophy professors.
393
00:15:03,337 --> 00:15:04,816
- [laughs softly]
394
00:15:04,860 --> 00:15:08,037
Well, how about this?
395
00:15:08,081 --> 00:15:11,736
Every time you see me
get a stomach ache,
396
00:15:11,780 --> 00:15:13,347
imagine I'm thinking of you.
397
00:15:13,390 --> 00:15:15,218
- So, all the time?
398
00:15:15,262 --> 00:15:16,698
- Exactly.
399
00:15:16,741 --> 00:15:19,048
- Sorry to interrupt.
400
00:15:19,092 --> 00:15:21,050
I wanted to give
both of you something
401
00:15:21,094 --> 00:15:22,399
before we do this.
402
00:15:22,443 --> 00:15:25,576
Think of it as
a going-away present.
403
00:15:25,620 --> 00:15:27,100
[magical twinkling]
404
00:15:27,143 --> 00:15:29,624
[projector clicking softly]
405
00:15:29,667 --> 00:15:32,627
[soft dramatic music]
406
00:15:32,670 --> 00:15:39,721
♪
407
00:16:09,185 --> 00:16:16,236
♪
408
00:16:45,482 --> 00:16:52,489
♪
409
00:17:06,242 --> 00:17:08,853
- [sniffs]
410
00:17:08,897 --> 00:17:11,639
I don't normally cry
at movies...[scoffs]
411
00:17:11,682 --> 00:17:14,337
But that one was
pretty good...[sniffs]
412
00:17:14,381 --> 00:17:17,123
That girl was hot.
413
00:17:17,166 --> 00:17:18,646
The guy was, too.
414
00:17:20,778 --> 00:17:23,477
- I'm gonna miss you
so much, Eleanor.
415
00:17:23,520 --> 00:17:25,305
- Except you won't.
416
00:17:25,348 --> 00:17:28,395
That's what's so scary
about this whole thing.
417
00:17:28,438 --> 00:17:30,701
I'm gonna miss you.
418
00:17:30,745 --> 00:17:34,575
You're just gonna think
I'm some sexy godlike figure
419
00:17:34,618 --> 00:17:36,838
who you wanna hump immediately
after meeting her.
420
00:17:36,881 --> 00:17:38,318
- I know you're deflecting
421
00:17:38,361 --> 00:17:39,667
by making jokes about
how hot you are.
422
00:17:39,710 --> 00:17:42,322
- It's not a joke.
I'm a legit snack.
423
00:17:42,365 --> 00:17:45,325
- But I believe in you.
- [sniffs]
424
00:17:45,368 --> 00:17:48,937
- I am not even scared
to get rebooted because I know
425
00:17:48,980 --> 00:17:51,809
that you'll be here,
taking care of me.
426
00:17:51,853 --> 00:17:53,855
- I wish we had
more time together.
427
00:17:53,898 --> 00:17:55,596
- Oh, time means nothing.
428
00:17:55,639 --> 00:17:58,338
Jeremy Bearimy, baby.
We'll just get through this.
429
00:17:58,381 --> 00:17:59,687
And then you and I
can chill out
430
00:17:59,730 --> 00:18:02,342
in the dot of the eye forever.
431
00:18:02,385 --> 00:18:03,865
- Right.
432
00:18:03,908 --> 00:18:05,519
We'll be okay.
433
00:18:07,347 --> 00:18:11,220
We found each other before
hundreds of times.
434
00:18:11,264 --> 00:18:12,743
We can do it again.
435
00:18:17,574 --> 00:18:19,533
- [sighs]
436
00:18:21,448 --> 00:18:22,927
- Bye, Chidi.
437
00:18:40,119 --> 00:18:40,293
.
438
00:18:40,336 --> 00:18:42,164
- Janet?
[soft beep]
439
00:18:42,208 --> 00:18:44,166
- Hi, there.
- Hi, Janet.
440
00:18:44,210 --> 00:18:46,995
Can you just, you know, like,
441
00:18:47,038 --> 00:18:48,344
tell me the answer?
442
00:18:48,388 --> 00:18:49,780
- Sorry?
443
00:18:49,824 --> 00:18:52,870
- You know,
the answer to everything.
444
00:18:52,914 --> 00:18:55,395
You know all there is
to know in the universe.
445
00:18:55,438 --> 00:18:58,180
Crunch the numbers.
Tell me the answer.
446
00:18:58,224 --> 00:19:01,140
What's the point of love
if it's just gonna disappear?
447
00:19:01,183 --> 00:19:04,186
And how is it worse
to not love anybody?
448
00:19:04,230 --> 00:19:07,102
There has to be meaning
to existence,
449
00:19:07,146 --> 00:19:09,800
otherwise the universe
is just made of pain,
450
00:19:09,844 --> 00:19:11,193
and I don't like
the thought of that,
451
00:19:11,237 --> 00:19:14,022
so tell me the answer.
452
00:19:14,065 --> 00:19:15,458
- I know how you feel.
453
00:19:15,502 --> 00:19:17,373
Back on Earth, I had to watch
454
00:19:17,417 --> 00:19:19,723
Jason have
no recognition of me.
455
00:19:19,767 --> 00:19:21,856
It felt like...
456
00:19:21,899 --> 00:19:24,119
right before someone pushes
a plunger and murders you.
457
00:19:24,163 --> 00:19:25,338
- Sure.
458
00:19:25,381 --> 00:19:27,775
- The more human I become,
459
00:19:27,818 --> 00:19:29,951
the less things make sense.
460
00:19:29,994 --> 00:19:32,780
But that's part
of the fun, right?
461
00:19:32,823 --> 00:19:34,260
- What do you mean?
462
00:19:34,303 --> 00:19:37,088
- If there were an answer
I could give you to
463
00:19:37,132 --> 00:19:40,962
how the universe works,
it wouldn't be special.
464
00:19:41,005 --> 00:19:44,226
It would just be machinery
fulfilling its cosmic design.
465
00:19:44,270 --> 00:19:47,795
It would just be a big,
dumb food processor.
466
00:19:47,838 --> 00:19:51,233
But since nothing
seems to make sense,
467
00:19:51,277 --> 00:19:55,846
when you find something
or someone that does,
468
00:19:55,890 --> 00:19:57,283
it's euphoria.
469
00:19:57,326 --> 00:20:00,242
In all this randomness
and this pandemonium,
470
00:20:00,286 --> 00:20:03,941
you and Chidi found each other,
471
00:20:03,985 --> 00:20:06,770
and you had a life together.
472
00:20:06,814 --> 00:20:09,425
Isn't that remarkable?
473
00:20:09,469 --> 00:20:12,863
- Pandemonium is from
"Paradise Lost."
474
00:20:12,907 --> 00:20:16,258
Milton called the center
of hell, "Pandemonium,"
475
00:20:16,302 --> 00:20:18,434
meaning, "place of all demons."
476
00:20:18,478 --> 00:20:21,002
Chidi tricked me into
reading "Paradise Lost"
477
00:20:21,045 --> 00:20:23,961
by telling me Satan was,
478
00:20:24,005 --> 00:20:27,269
and I quote, "my type."
479
00:20:27,313 --> 00:20:29,271
A big, mean,
bald guy with a goatee.
480
00:20:29,315 --> 00:20:31,012
I mean, he wasn't wrong.
- Oh, no.
481
00:20:31,055 --> 00:20:33,188
That's very on brand for you.
482
00:20:33,232 --> 00:20:34,798
[mellow music]
483
00:20:34,842 --> 00:20:36,278
- I guess all I can do is
484
00:20:36,322 --> 00:20:39,194
embrace the pandemonium,
485
00:20:39,238 --> 00:20:41,892
find happiness
in the unique insanity
486
00:20:41,936 --> 00:20:45,287
of being here, now.
487
00:20:45,331 --> 00:20:47,855
- We'll do this together.
488
00:20:47,898 --> 00:20:51,424
In the words of the man
that I love,
489
00:20:51,467 --> 00:20:53,991
"I got you, dog."
490
00:20:54,035 --> 00:20:55,950
- Thanks, Janet.
- Mmm.
491
00:20:55,993 --> 00:20:57,168
- You know, for a robot,
492
00:20:57,212 --> 00:20:58,474
you make a really
good girl friend.
493
00:20:58,518 --> 00:21:00,955
- I'm one out of three
of those things,
494
00:21:00,998 --> 00:21:03,087
but thank you.
495
00:21:03,131 --> 00:21:05,525
Good luck.
[soft beep]
496
00:21:07,527 --> 00:21:09,050
- Okay.
497
00:21:09,093 --> 00:21:12,053
[gentle piano music]
498
00:21:12,096 --> 00:21:13,837
♪
499
00:21:13,881 --> 00:21:15,448
Hi, Chidi.
500
00:21:15,491 --> 00:21:17,928
I'm Eleanor.
501
00:21:17,972 --> 00:21:19,321
Come on in.
34769
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