Original subtitles

They say the universe fights for souls to be together.

Somethings are so strange and yet powerful that...

you cannot call them a co-incidence.

And I've begun to agree.

Good morning beautiful!

Oops.

Fuck.

- Surprise! - Surprise!

What the fuck!

I baked you a cake!

Happy birthday to you! Happy birthday to you!

Happy birthday to you! My birthday isn't till day after...

you freaks!

Happy birthday dear Dee! Are you guys insane?

I really thought I was going to die in there!

At the rate you're working, yes you will die.

Dee... we're kidnapping you from yourself.

So deep ya... so deep! So deep bro...

We're taking you to Goa bro.

And we've packed some clothes in for you, so chill.

And by the way,

I've got front row passes to the Arambol Festival.

And who the fuck are you?

Oh Mohit, Dee...

- Dee, Mohit... - Hi Dee!

And you're welcome.

For what?

Giving me a heart attack?

I'm going to really kill you guys, you know!

- Throw that damn... - No! No!

Okay, okay! Just chill! No, don't. Don't touch my cake.

Happy birthday to you! Happy birthday to you!

Can we go?

Happy birthday to you! Happy birthday to you!

Happy birthday dear Damini... Happy birthday dear Damini...

Happy birthday to you. Happy birthday to you.

Obviously, they'll keep a hawk-eye on you.

You please keep in touch, okay?

Ya, I'm available 24/7.

Fucking network!

I can't hear... Are you thinking what I'm thinking?

- ZNMD! - ZNMD!

Siddhi, what the hell!

- What! - Guys, quiet ya!

Please! Quiet!

Siddhi, stop it!

Sids, stop it please! What are you doing?

What?!

- What?! - Oh!

Guys!

Stop the car!

Umang, stop the car!

Is this supposed to be funny?

You think it's funny?

Siddhi, give me your phone.

This is for your own good, Dee.

It's my birthday weekend!

Hand it over! Please!

I'll put my sim in your phone.

Give!

Giving!

And what'll I do?

Have a phone free weekend.

Besides, the only people you know are...

right here in this car.

Dee!

Dee, that's really mean.

Okay, I didn't mean it like that.

Sids!

No, you're right.

I'm unemployed, unambitious.

And I have just one goal in life.

Finding a husband.

- But I love my life. - Sid...

Even though you think I shouldn't.

Siddhi, you know I love you.

I'm fine, really.

- Really, I'm fine. - Oh...

- Awww... - Oh!

We love you Siddhi Patel!

Siddhi, we love you!

- Sids, give me my phone. - No.

Something urgent's come up. I'll be right back.

Hey! What! Mangs!

Housekeeping.

Surprise!

Oh my God!

You gorgeous idiot!

Now today we have to shoot the final...

training tournament montage.

My fest won't start for another three hours.

Can I come?

Hired a big time American stunt co-ordinator.

He probably won't like it.

Besides, you should chill, you know.

Stay here. Go to the spa.

Room service.

Pool.

Just pamper yourself.

But I've never seen a shoot in my life.

I would really like to see you in action.

But you always see me in action babe.

You know what I mean.

Anyways, if you come to set,

I won't be able to concentrate.

What are we eating for breakfast? Bottoms up ladies!

Whoa! Mohit, it's 11 o'clock in the morning.

Which is why the tomato juice chaser.

Healthy breakfast and all!

- Nonsense! - Nonsense!

Okay, let's go for it. C'mon...

Mangs! Where've you been? Where were you?

Happy birthday weekend Damini!

Happy birthday Damini! Happy birthday!

From 'Don't kiss me, I'm prudish' to...

'whip-lady Dominatrix' in one month?

Siddhi!

Mohit...

I just can't describe it to you.

You know, for the first time in my life I feel...

I feel free.

I have started liking my body.

In fact...

I love it!

Enough. Please.

I charge for these shrink sessions.

You'll have to buy me vodka shots.

C'mon.

C'mon Dominatrix.

Madam, the concert is on that side.

- C'mon, get up! - Oh shit.

Oh shit!

You guys! Get up!

We're so late!

- What? - Get up guys!

- C'mon ya... - Oh my God!

What!

10...

9...

8...

7...

6... 5... 4... 3... 2...

Are you ready!

I can't see anything!

What is happening! My head is spinning!

Relax!

It's not a Coldplay concert.

Enjoy the ambience!

Did you kidnap me to show me this ambience?

Beach,

two hundred meters.

Booze, fifty meters.

Hot guy, 10 o'clock, 3 o'clock. 5 o'clock!

Fair enough!

Guys, fuck this.

I need a drink.

Anyone needs a drink?

Fine.

Sissies.

Excuse me please.

Hey bartender!

Hey Ms Menon!

Oh my God!

Arjun! What...

What're you doing here?

What're you doing here?

Are you stalking me?

Sure.

Need help?

No, thanks.

I've been to thousands of concerts.

I wasn't always like this.

A lawyer, a boss.

A 'Ms Menon'.

Ya, okay.

Excuse me!

Excuse...

Oh God!

Fuck this shit.

I'm going.

A little help please?

Up! Up! Up!

There you are.

Four G&T's and one beer.

What do you guys want?

Four vodka reds.

Kids.

Four vodka reds please.

Here, hold this.

Our generation can do things themselves.

- Well... - Keep it there please.

Technically, we're the same generation.

Seriously...

We're both millennials.

You're a kid...

and I'm a woman.

- That's that. - Damn.

You know because...

I thought I became a man when my balls dropped.

Made you look.

See, you're still a kid.

Well...

This kid is at your service.

Whenever you want.

Ms Menon.

Hey, there you are! Guys! Guys!

Drinks!

- Thank you! - Yay!

Hi!

Where have you been all my life?

Drinking beer.

Playing video games.

So straight.

It's my birthday and Anj is getting personalized service?

Guys, he's Arjun.

He's my intern.

Just like that movie!

The Graduate? With that old lady?

Shut up!

No, no, no...

That one... The Proposal.

Hot young intern,

older female boss.

What?

He murders her because she's a horrible boss?

No, actually...

they sleep together!

Oh!

I think I should leave.

It was great to meet you guys.

It was lovely meeting you too!

Stalker.

Thank you Sids!

Love you too! Love you too!

I think Ms VeeVee's about to wake up!

- Whoo! - Whoo!

Guys! Guys!

He's a kid.

Can I have him?

For me, age no bar.

Anj, he totally gave you the look.

So time to say bye to Varun.

For good!

Hey rebound!

- Rebound! - Rebound!

- Rebound! - Rebound!

- Please shut up! - Rebound!

Rebound!

- Just shut up! - Rebound!

Hello?

- Rebound! - Shut up guys.

Rebound!

No! Please! Yes, this is Damini...

Please!

Shut up!

Excuse me?

Rebound!

I'm not listening. Bye! Rebound!

Rebound!

Whoo!

These guys don't waste any time.

Fucking assholes!

Fuck!

Fuck!

Fuck! Fuck! Fuck!

Fuck! Fuck!

Om Shanti.

Fuck Shanti!

A little something to release your tension.

If you want more,

call me.

Give me that.

Hey! What the fuck!

First Anjana disappeared.

Now Dee.

Everyone knows where the hotel is.

Just chill!

Look! There's our peeps!

Our people, our country!

Mohit!

You told me there'll be cute guys here for me!

Beer, beer...

Cheers!

Siddi-Piddi!

Mihu-Pihu?

Oh fuck!

What a small world man!

Shit!

I'm so sorry! I'm really sorry! Relax.

I know what you need.

Cold, cold water!

It feels so good!

Siddi-Piddi and Mihu-Pihu together in Goa.

Who would've thought?

Ya dude!

What are you doing here?

Weren't you in New York?

Yes but I came back two days ago...

and I came straight to Goa.

I can't handle my parents in India...

without an easy transition, you know.

When we were eight year olds...

I still remember that you were obsessed with water.

You remember that Holi?

When you did...

this?

Siddhi!

Siddhi!

Take that!

Want more?

Get lost.

Fucking...

asshole.

Two words.

Fuck off.

Fucking assholes!

Think I'll drop the story through intimidation.

I will show them!

Water please!

Excuse me!

Is one fucking bottle of water...

too much to ask for!

One bottle of water please... No, it's not.

Thanks.

- Excuse me. - Excuse me.

Oops.

- Thank you so... - C'mon!

Spending a few minutes with someone as beautiful as you...

is payment enough.

And may I ask...

why a beautiful girl like you is standing here all by herself?

Your guy's an idiot to leave you out of his sight...

even for a minute.

There is no guy.

I'm divorced.

What a co-incidence.

Me too.

I'm Vinil.

I run a hedge fund in Mumbai.

Hi,

I'm Anjana.

I'm a lawyer.

And...

I'm from Mumbai too.

Legalese and money.

It's like rum and coke.

Speaking of which, can I get you one?

One G&T please.

"Of all the gin joints, in all the towns, in all the world,

she walks into mine."

Casablanca.

Seriously?

This?

Old guy?

With a beard?

Leave me alone.

I'm flirting.

Oh.

And what happened to the other Anjana?

Who...

climbs up on the bar...

and gives me a spiel about her generation?

You know what,

I met someone who's older, wiser.

We kind of hit it off...

What's the problem?

Ms Menon,

the problem is...

you know what you want.

But you don't know what you need.

And what do I want?

This financial duffer...

who listens to jazz while sipping his single malt.

Never misses Sunday golf and...

owns a posh apartment in a high-rise.

He never opens the windows...

because 'No ya. Mumbai's air smells of sea.'

And...

what do I need?

Someone you can smell the sea with.

I think you're being very judgemental.

Oh God.

Okay, how about this.

Imagine what he'll look like in five years.

And then imagine...

what you'll look like.

Have you heard of one night stands?

You can do better.

"To the kingdom far, far away my queen."

"That's where we should go."

So, Casablanca Vs Shrek.

No brainer.

Let's go.

How are Hetal aunty and Jayesh uncle?

You know, honestly, I really don't know.

I mean, because every time I get here...

they're like marriage, marriage, marriage.

I lose it.

I go to my room.

Rinse and repeat.

Remember that Lonavala trip?

When we filled Sneha's bed with mango fudge...

and thought she had a diarrhea attack!

Jesus!

Wait, you still call her Sneha?

Ya, I guess...

somethings never change.

Thank God they don't.

Siddi-Piddi...

Your hair is like...

a cobweb!

Don't you shampoo?

Mihu-Pihu! I'll beat you up!

Shit! Fuck!

- Sorry, sorry! - Sorry!

You bloody dog!

- What? - Motherfucker!

- Cocksucker! - Bro...

Take it easy man!

Relax.

Siddhi, just come here one second.

You ruined my t-shirt asshole! Bro...

Bro, I just... You going to buy me a new one?

One second idiot. Shut up!

Is the size of your brain...

inversely proportional to the size of your biceps?

If you can't speak civilly...

then go back to wherever you came from.

Siddhi just...

You don't have the balls...

so you're hiding behind your girlfriend?

No, we're not looking for a fight.

Where are your balls?

I'm not looking for a fight. Stop barking in English!

C'mon bite me you dog! Bite me!

Oh!

Oh shit!

- That was amazing! - Run!

You bastard!

Siddi-Piddi!

When did you turn into sexy Siddhi?

That was...

that was so fucking hot!

I should...

I should go find my friends.

Wait, wait... c'mon!

Spend some time with an old friend?

I have a great idea.

What?

Sings folk song.

That folk song?

Oh my God!

The dance festival!

Remember we practiced the shit out of that routine!

Of course!

And what did we get?

Consolation prize. Wait, wait...

At least we got to go to Bachelors...

to eat chilli ice cream...

and drown our sorrows!

- Ya! - Right?

Continues singing folk song.

Ashes to ashes...

Dust to dust.

My puppy!

Where are you?

Puppy...

Puppy...

Jeh!

Damini?

I miss Xerxes.

He was such a cute puppy.

He was my...

friend, you know.

My best friend.

Was?

He's still alive, you know.

Where is he?

I miss his happy face!

Just like the pill!

Puppy is my happy pill!

You can visit him anytime you want.

Now?

I'm in Goa.

In Goa?

Ya...

But I don't know where I am...

I had a happy pill...

just like puppy.

He was so cute!

Damini, Damini!

Who're you with?

Alone.

It's my birthday tomorrow.

My friends...

They kidnapped me...

and then they abandoned me.

Wait. What?

'We're kidnapping you and taking you to Goa!'

Then life came and went and kept going...

And some politician is trying to scare me now.

Calling me Babygirl!

Damini...

Damini, pay attention.

No!

I have a girlfriend.

So? I don't care.

Ya but... I do.

Mohit!

Mohit!

Mangs, little busy!

Give me your phone!

The number you're trying to reach is busy.

Please try again later.

The number...

The number you're trying to reach is busy.

Please try again later.

Eight ero...

erogenous zones.

Go away Dr Warsi!

Hello Jeh...

Why're you being so...

hot and so nice...

like pizza.

Fuck.

These pills are fucking with my head.

Nope.

It's actually me.

C'mon...

Drink up Ms Rizvi Roy.

How did you get here so fast from Mumbai?

I've been in Goa since the morning.

Parent's big fortieth wedding anniversary tomorrow.

I'm fucked Jeh, my life is...

Enough.

- Fucked. - Enough.

Just a few more hours and the pill will wear off.

And all will be okay.

- Promise? - I promise.

That's Walia's house right?

I've always wondered how it looks on the inside.

Me too.

I've heard he throws legendary parties...

like with top models.

Arjun, I meant the villa.

Not the girls.

Ya. Me too.

I'm not interested in girls.

Only women.

Wait a second.

You're hitting on me.

Ya, finally.

After four long hours!

Seriously?

I'm sorry, I'm just out of practice.

Shall we get some practice then?

Let's go in?

How?

Easy.

Trespassing.

Are you nuts?

What if someone's inside?

There's no one inside.

Walia's hiding abroad...

so the government has seized his villa.

No guards.

But there's a big wall.

No. No! No! No!

Arjun no!

Seriously?

Shit! You made it!

It's gorgeous.

C'mon!

Okay fine!

Woah!

Shit!

Again.

Yes!

Again!

Wait. Well, I like this new look.

Okay.

No, I don't need your hand.

Let's go!

Oh my God, I was almost there!

Arjun...

Arjun!

Arjun!

Fuck, let's do this. C'mon.

One, two, three...

Go! Fuck!

Hey!

The gate was open the whole time.

What the fuck!

I couldn't find any of the girls.

Damini.

Da...

If we can have iced tea,

why not hot champagne?

Shit.

Oh my god!

What did you just do!

Well,

only one solution.

Really?

The water's fucking amazing.

C'mon in.

C'mon...

You know what.

Fuck it.

There it is.

It's fucking cold!

Ya but it worked.

- Fuck. You tricked me! - Ya.

Fuck.

You okay?

- Ya. - You sure?

Ya.

Ya.

You're a goddess.

Oh my God.

You truly are a goddess!

- Ya, you said that. - I did?

That was amazing.

Thanks?

I'm losing...

It's okay.

It's okay. Just go to bed.

I'm losing the battle.

You're too strong.

I'm not.

Yes, you are.

You can do anything you want.

And you're one of the smartest people I know.

Everything will be okay.

Okay?

Jeh...

Yes?

I like you Jeh Wadia...

I like you too Damini Rizvi Roy...

No, I mean...

What?

Can we have some more champagne please?

Hot champagne.

Right now?

Ya.

Right now?

Ya.

Go!

Fuck!

My balls!

Fuck!

Oh!

Great.

Laugh at my pain.

It's not funny!

What else am I supposed to do?

Oh!

Just give me...

Just give me a second. I'm sorry.

Ya?

Samara?

Don't forget I'm your producer.

Your shenanigans are going to get me in trouble.

Promise me that. Let me take care of that.

- Ya sure... - Please.

- Alright. That's fine. - Hi...

Hi! Hi!

Oh! My goodness.

- Hi. - Hi! You just arrived?

Ya...

Ya! Umang...

Guys, meet my absolutely fantastic trainer...

- Umang Singh. - Hi.

Who got me all fit and ready for our film.

Oh! She's the one.

Yes. That's a great body transformation.

I mean Samara looks like...

as if she's been an MMA fighter for a decade.

- Absolutely. - Not bad.

Good job Umang!

Training tomorrow at 7am...

because we have to get ready for the Thai schedule and...

food is over there, so help yourself.

Here.

You're trying to get me fat now?

C'mon...

I'll also have some.

Nice try.

C'mon!

One more. One more.

What?

Damini, I like you too.

In fact I like you too much.

But not now, not like this.

You get some rest.

I'll be right here.

Tomorrow.

Day after.

The day after that and the day after that.

Okay?

Promise?

I promise.

Happy birthday Ms Rizvi Roy.

Shalom.

So...

nothing...

happened?

Siddi-Piddi...

I still can't believe you were a virgin.

Were?

Fuck.

Were.