Original subtitles

Good morning. Any phone calls?

Take your pick. You've got adulterers, cross-dressers,

34-year-old virgins and your nephew.

Oh, Chris called?

No, Wyatt. Actually, I think Piper did the dialling.

But you have another nephew?

No, but you know, maybe someday I will.

You know what I mean? Okay.

Phoebe, I need your help.

I've been calling for you all week, didn't you hear me?

For the first couple of days, yeah. Then I put you on mute.

You could put me on mute?

I had to. I was busy. Now, I need your help.

Oh, yeah, and I need yours too.

Because you come here, you drop this bombshell on me,

and you expect me to keep this secret?

I don't even know why I'm keeping this secret.

Nobody can find out Piper and Leo are my parents!

It could mess with the whole future.

If you didn't want anyone to know, I don't know why you told me.

I told you because you busted me and I'm glad you did.

I have been so focused on protecting Wyatt,

I've completely forgotten about me. This month is my conception date.

- Your conception date? - That's where I've been.

Oracles, fortune-tellers, soothsayers, they all say the same thing.

If Mom and Dad don't screw this month, I'm screwed.

Okay, I'm just trying to get used to you being my nephew.

- I never hit on you, did I? - What? No.

- Oh, thank God. - Can we focus here, please?

Mom and Dad need to have sex.

Now, who's gonna tell them, you or me?

Nobody's gonna tell them because we're not gonna reopen those wounds.

Okay.

- How do we get them back together? - No. We? There's no "we" here.

We don't. You're the one that split them up.

And why did you split them up?

Leo had to become an Elder to make room for me as your whitelighter.

It was the only way I could protect Wyatt from turning evil.

You're unbelievable.

I mean, most kids who are the cause of their parents' divorce

actually feel guilty and yet you're sitting here like it's part of your master plan.

- I'm sensing some real issues here. - You're damn right there are issues!

You can't just pop in from the future and play with people's lives

because your big brother picked on you!

- He picked on the world, Phoebe! - I'm not finished!

Your parents were happy until you split them up.

And now you want my help

because you didn't think this all the way through?

- Feel better? - Yes.

- Will you help me? - No.

Oh, I don't know.

If I'm not conceived in the next couple of weeks, I'll disappear forever.

You're willing to help complete strangers.

How about family?

No, no, no. No, please!

What is it? What'd you see?

- A woman being attacked. - Where?

- Looks like a dig site. - In the desert in the Middle East.

- Are you sure your scrying wasn't off? - Maybe Jinny is an archaeologist.

Yeah, why would an archaeologist in the Middle East

send a letter to an advice columnist in San Francisco?

She said she was with a controlling man.

Okay, you're missing my point. What happens if this is a trap?

What is that?

You think anyone heard them?

No!

- You okay? - I'll be fine. Was that a flying carpet?

What is that?

Thank you for responding to my letter.

Wait. Are you Jinny?

At your service, master.

I could heal him, master. Your warrior needs his strength.

My last master will be coming back for me.

- I think he's got it under control. - Good idea. Save your wishes.

- You get a good look at the demon? - I did.

When we're done, I'll go to the Book of Shadows to check it out.

I also called Paige to see if she'd keep an eye on Jinny for me.

- Thanks. - There is no need to guard me.

Even if I was not bound to serve you, I would do it anyway,

for sparing me from Bosk.

- Bosk? - My last master.

He's cruel, even for a demon. And I would know.

My bottle has been passed around from demon to demon for centuries.

- That's terrible. - You cannot begin to know.

That is why I got the message to Phoebe.

I knew if she had my bottle, she would wish me free.

No wishes. I know all about genies.

- You're tricksters. - Listen, I gotta get back up there.

You think you can handle this without Piper?

- Where is Piper? - On a date.

- On a date in the middle of the day? - Yeah, Greg works nights.

Greg, Greg.

Greg the fireman? You mean the one she's insanely sexually attracted to?

- Doesn't that bother you? - No.

- If she's happy, that's all that matters. - Oh, come on!

What about all this forbidden lovers, you and me against the world stuff?

That just doesn't go away.

You know, Chris, it's a little late for male bonding,

especially since I'm petitioning the other Elders to send you back.

- What? - Wait, are you serious?

You look tense, master. Neck rub?

Even though Chris' intentions are good,

his methods have put us all at risk. So he's going back.

You mean abandoning me again.

You did your job. You warned us of an evil after Wyatt.

I think we can handle it from here.

- I gotta stop him. - Don't worry, I'll talk to Leo.

No, no, not Leo. Greg, the fireman. He's about to sleep with my mom.

I really wish you wouldn't do that.

- What just happened? - Your wish is my command, master.

All right, where's the genie?

Oh, my God, you landed one.

She's a genie, not a trout.

You still have two wishes, master. I suggest you save one for Bosk.

I told you, no wishes.

- We're gonna do this our way. - But you cannot handle him.

Nobody can. He has a flying carpet and an army of 40 thieves.

Thirty-eight, I vanquished two.

Let me guess. He wanted a crew and a nice ride.

- Original for a demon's wish, huh? - Yes, and if Bosk gets me back,

he will force me to grant his third wish.

What's his third wish?

- Did you do that? - No, but they are lovely.

Who conjured them for you?

My boyfriend, Richard. He's been showering me with gifts all week.

Didn't you talk to him about binding his powers?

I have! But every time I bring it up, I just get another present.

- Luxury problem I know, but still... - Yeah, not good.

Back to the demon. What was his third wish?

- Zanbar. - Zanbar.

- What's Zanbar? - The lost city.

Before being swallowed up by the desert,

it was the seat of power for an evil empire.

Phoebe, will you do something, please? I can't orb.

Damn him.

If he won't listen to you, maybe he'll listen to family.

Most of them are dead, remember? The feud?

Please, we do not have time for this!

If Bosk captures me, Zanbar will rise again from the dust.

It's just a city.

A city of magic.

Bosk has been using his thieves to search for its former site.

If he finds it and wishes it back, there will be no stopping him.

That is why you must wish me free, master.

If I am not a genie, it will solve your problems and mine. I beg you.

Hey, a little help here, please?

Okay, I'm losing my mind.

Paige, go to Richard, deal with it so you can help us.

Okay.

You, I will help you get your parents back together,

but it has to be on my terms, agreed?

- Agreed. - Go get Piper. We could use her help.

I wish that he could orb.

And we need to find a vanquishing potion for that demon.

- Yes, master. - Phoebe!

Yes, master, Phoebe.

Piper! Piper!

Forget it.

I know you're in there. Please, open the door now.

Just a second.

Piper, open the door. Piper!

- Go away. - We have an emergency.

- Is there a problem here? - Yeah, many problems, many levels.

Piper has to come home now.

- Excuse me? Who are you again? - I'm a friend of her husband's.

Ex-husband. And he's not really a great friend.

It's okay, I got it.

I'm here if you need me.

What is this big emergency? Can it wait an hour or two?

No, it can't. There's a demon on the loose, a genie running amuck

and it took me two wishes to get here.

You can't make wishes with genies.

See, we need you. Come on, let's orb.

No, no, no! Listen.

I am not gonna leave him high and dry again without an explanation.

So your demon can wait five minutes.

Open sesame!

- What happened? - The genie was stolen,

thanks to your warriors.

But they were my two best swordsmen.

Well, swords don't work real well against potions.

What the hell are witches doing way out here?

We have defences against their type.

The Eye of Aghbar. It protects against witches' magic.

I need that genie.

All this work for nothing if we don't get her back!

I'll gather my warriors, all my warriors.

No. No, you and your men, you keep digging.

I've got to find out where Zanbar is buried before I wish for its return.

I can't risk another demon beating me to the throne.

As you wish.

Richard?

Richard.

You like your earrings?

Oh, you're materializing now.

Yeah, pretty handy, huh?

So you like your earrings?

Yeah, there's a bit of a problem.

They're too small. No, they're too big. I can shrink them. Let's see...

No, that's not the problem. I just... You've given me enough.

I'm just trying to make you happy. I want you to know that I care.

What would make me really happy is if you just stopped with all the potions

and all the magic, just for a while.

- Didn't we have this conversation? - Yeah.

- But only one of us was listening. - No, I was listening.

I mean, that's why I'm doing this, to prove that I can handle it.

- I'm not becoming a dark beast, right? - But that's not the point.

Most women would thank a guy for that,

but you're treating me like a common criminal.

Well, I guess I'm not most women.

I gotta go. Hope you like the earrings.

Oh, he was my master once. And him too. And her.

Boy, you sure got around.

How did so many demons get ahold of you, anyway?

Some bought, some stole.

I changed hands so many times, I lost track.

I'm sorry I can't set you free. But wishing is just too risky right now.

Okay, let's go. Greg's not gonna wait forever.

- Then you should dump him. - What is that supposed to mean?

He's just being overprotective.

I take it you're the genie.

- Jinny. - Jinny the genie.

Of course. Who's the demon?

He's a low-level demon with minimal powers.

- There's a vanquishing potion. - That's what I'm working on.

Good. Then you're almost done with me too.

Okay, so, what's your plan, gonna summon him to us?

- Yeah, that's what I was thinking. - What's the rush?

Well, not that it's any of your business,

but Greg's shift starts in a few hours and I won't see him for three days.

So I'm gonna go call him

and I'd put the genie back in the bottle, just to be safe, no offence.

But we've been burned before.

- Do you mind? - Yes, master.

I feel so bad.

As well you should. If we don't do something soon,

I could end up half fireman instead of half whitelighter.

- Oh, for goodness sake. - Look, I'm running out of time here.

So, what do you say we use that genie to make Mom and Dad, you know...

That's vile and against the rules.

I think that you wouldn't want to be conceived that way.

- It beats not being conceived at all. - I told you I would help you

on my terms, okay? So back off.

- What are your terms? - I'm not really sure yet.

But I am done with this potion.

As soon as Piper gets back, we are ready to go.

Not this time, witch!

Piper! Jinny, I wish you free.

Well, it's about time. Who's the master now?

Chris!

- Where's Phoebe? - Here! In here!

Hello, master.

- Will you come out of there, please? - I can't, I don't know how!

Try commanding me.

Okay. Get the hell out of there.

No, not you. My master.

- You mean me? - Well, yeah.

- You picked up the bottle, didn't you? - All right, get out of the bottle.

I command you.

- You look ridiculous. - I feel ridiculous.

Well, how am I supposed to get back to Greg now with this?

Is that all you care about? Look at me.

I am trapped in pantaloons right now. Where is the mirr...?

Oh, and why do I always get stuck with the wig?

Trust me, you don't. Leo!

Have you noticed that Leo is the first person you call in your time of need?

Yeah, right.

I still can't believe you made a wish with a genie.

- You know better than that. - I thought she was an innocent.

How was I to know that I was gonna unleash a demon?

- It says so right here. - Oh, right. Right there, in Arabic.

There's a warning label on the genie bottle?

Yeah, an ancient sorcerer condemned a demon into the bottle

for not marrying him.

It says whoever tried to free her, they'd have to switch places with her.

- Missed a big one here, bud. - You wanna pin this on me?

Leo, it's not his fault. It's my fault.

How come your empathy thing didn't give her away?

She tricked me and obviously the Book too.

Let's figure out a way to fix this.

Well, the only way to fix it is to get the demon to wish Phoebe free.

- Reverse the magic. - That's what we need to do then.

I'll call Paige.

Yes, I do believe the element of surprise is very important here.

Are you sure? We can always take our time with this.

You know, keep Piper around just a little bit longer?

- Yes, master. - Good. I'm glad you agree.

Actually, I don't agree, but I can't...

How am I supposed to take charge and take commands at the same time?

You won't have to. Chris is coming up there with me.

- The Elders agreed to send him back. - What?

You don't know what you're doing, Leo.

You don't belong here.

And as your whitelighter, he's doing more harm than good.

You are so full of it!

This isn't about me being a bad whitelighter.

It's about you feeling like I've let you down somehow!

So whatever issues you might have with me,

I wish you would just get over it already!

Leo?

Of course I forgive you, man. You don't have to yell.

- All you gotta do is ask. - I did?

Yeah. And listen, with that whole going back to the future thing,

you know, don't worry about it,

because I'll talk to the Elders and we'll work it out.

It's no big deal, okay? Come give me a hug.

What do you mean she didn't read the warning?

I'll explain later. The bottom line is we need you home now.

Well, I can't. I'm kind of in the middle of saving Richard right now.

Be right with you.

I took Phoebe's advice, I got his family here.

- Aren't most of his relatives dead? - They are.

You're holding a magical intervention with ghosts?

Well, I thought about it

and I realized that one of Richard's problems

is that he's got no family here. He's got no support system.

So the burden of helping him has kind of fallen on me.

Okay, fine. Hey, maybe since you have all those ghosts there,

you can get one to help us out when you're done.

Help us do what?

- What's going on here? - I'll call you back.

What are they doing here?

Your family is here because they care about you.

They've seen what happens to you when you use magic,

and they don't want it to happen again.

You summoned them?

We're here because we want to be here.

We need you to listen to us.

This is crazy. This is an intervention, right?

- Look, I'm out of here. - Richard, wait!

After everything, this is how you thank me,

by embarrassing me in front of my family?

Look, if you keep doing this, something bad is gonna happen.

Something terrible, I can feel it.

She's right, Richard. Our family...

I died because of the magic. You can't let yourself end up like that.

I can make you a power-stripping potion.

It'll turn you back into yourself.

Just let me help you.

What do we do now?

Anyone else have a problem taking orders from an ex-genie?

We are at your service, my queen.

Queen. I like the sound of that.

Every queen deserves an empire.

Have you found the location of the lost city yet?

We believe we've discovered the site.

Very good. Now all I need is that bottle.

Gather your best fighters. We're going on a witch hunt.

Hey, Piper says to hurry up with those crystals.

Genie Phoebe is getting on her last nerves down there.

- What are you doing? - I'm writing you an apology.

I just... I can't seem to get it right.

Leo, come on, man, you don't need to do that.

I know that I don't need to, but I want to.

It feels good to forgive.

Yeah, why don't you just hold on to that feeling, okay?

- We gotta help the sisters. - Well, in a minute.

This is just as important. "Dear Chris, l..."

All right, all right, enough already.

You said you're sorry, let's just not go overboard.

But after everything I've put you through, I feel I owe it to you.

Honestly, a letter's not gonna mean a hell of a lot to me.

- I got plenty of them growing up. - Sorry?

From my father. He wasn't around much.

That's awful.

- You wanna talk about it? - No.

What I want from you is to grab the crystals

and go downstairs to where Piper is. Do you remember her?

Sure. But right now I'm more concerned about you.

- You seem stressed. - You're damn right I'm stressed.

I'm concerned about you two. You need to get back together already.

- Any chance that'll happen? - I don't think so.

But thanks for caring, man. It means a lot.

Wait.

You still love her. I know you do.

How could you just throw that away?

- It's a little personal, don't you think? - More than you know.

Look, are you telling me that there is no chance

that you and Piper are gonna hook up in, let's say,

I don't know, the next couple of weeks?

Actually, yeah, that's what I'm saying. We've both moved on.

And nothing short of a miracle could make that happen.

The wording is not quite right there. Jinny is an upper-level demon.

Hey, I don't need a bossy genie on my back.

I'm giving up a lot to be here. I'll write the vanquishing spell my way.

- You should invoke the name of... - Should I call Chris to shut you up?

- You wouldn't! - Keep pushing me.

- Back so soon? - Yeah.

The intervention was a complete train wreck.

- Richard wouldn't listen to anyone. - Oh, Paige, I'm so sorry.

You're laughing at me?

I'm trying to be sympathetic, and you're laughing at me.

I'm sorry. Maybe I needed a laugh after what I just went through.

Yeah, it's okay. Is there anything I can do?

Yeah, but don't you need to go help Major Nelson?

What?

- It's funny. This is kind of funny. - Let's just finish the spell, okay?

All right. Hey, I want this done just as badly as you do.

- Did you find us a ghost? - Yeah, I got us Richard's dad.

He's hanging out in limbo waiting for my call. Why do we need a ghost?

Well, once we capture Jinny,

he can possess her and force her to wish Phoebe free.

Here's the crystals you wanted.

Well, you guys sure are chummy.

Yeah, I had a change of heart. Decided to let bygones be bygones.

Really?

- There's something I have to tell you. - After we talk in the kitchen.

- But... - Phoebe.

Now, that was cool.

Excuse me, I'm gonna have a little one-on-one with the help.

What's he hiding now?

I'll get it.

You know, Chris is a hell of a guy.

You two should really give him a chance once in awhile.

- Hey. - Richard. What are you doing here?

I came to apologize.

You wanna make them do what?

We finally got Dad in a good mood.

And Mom, she's all sexed up for the fireman.

It's the perfect time to hit them with the whammy.

No, we are not gonna make Piper and Leo sleep together, okay?

- We're gonna do this my way, mister. - Master.

- Oh, you know what? Listen to me... - I'm sorry, Phoebe.

I'm running out of time here. A guy's gotta survive.

I wish for Piper and Leo to sleep together tonight.

I'm not...

What was that?

Oh, no.

They're sleeping. You tricked me.

No, you made me wish for them to sleep together.

And they're sleeping together.

This is a mess! I've only got one more wish to sort this thing out,

so if you don't mind...

Oh, no, actually, I do mind, because Jinny could be here at any moment.

You know what, I'll summon you when she does.

I command you back into the bottle.

When I get out of this...

You're gonna break up with me over some flowers?

Look, I'm sorry. It's me or magic.

- You just have to choose one. - You can't give me that kind of choice.

- I just did. - You wanna talk about dependencies?

Why are you always running off with your sisters?

Wait here.

Find the bottle. Phoebe's inside.

Sword!

Crystals!

Circle!

Got her.

Where's the bottle?

Richard.

You think these crystals can hold me?

Nope, not for long. That's why we're putting you back in your bottle.

When I form my empire, the first thing I'll do is rid the world of witches.

Well, when you're back in your bottle,

the first thing I'm gonna do is put you in the microwave.

How do you like that?

Think she can scare me.

They're still asleep? Have you tried smelling salts?

It won't work. Trust me.

- What's wrong with them? - It's a long story.

I don't know, why don't you give me the Cliff Notes version?

Come on, Chris. You and Leo and Phoebe have all been acting weird

since before the demon attacked.

- What's going on? - All right. I made a little wish.

- You did what? - Two little wishes.

It's not bad enough I have to worry about Richard,

now I have to worry about you too. What did you wish for?

For Leo to forgive me, which, by the way, was an accident.

- And? - For Piper and Leo to sleep together.

You...

Oh, my God, you are sick! What is wrong with you? You're disgusting.

You are some creepy registered sex offender from the future.

- No, no, no. I'm Piper and Leo's son. - My God, you're so gross!

What?

They're my parents. I came back to save my family.

- You're serious? - Yeah. Only now I gotta save myself.

If my mom doesn't get pregnant in the next month, there is no me.

This is all so wrong.

And this has been such a long day.

Look, I'm gonna orb over to Richard's, okay? And grab the bottle.

No, you can't. He's... He's crazy right now.

He might hurt you, okay?

I need to strip him of his powers. It's a whole thing.

- Well, how is that gonna help? - Well, he's been corrupted by magic,

and if I don't strip him of his powers, I might not be able to save him.

- Who else knows about this? - About me? Just Phoebe.

All right, you watch Jinny. I'm gonna go make this potion, okay?

Okay.

Come on. Come on!

Oh, thank God. I thought a demon got me.

- Why didn't you let me out? - I'm not ready for you yet.

Hey, we're in the black magic vault.

Is there a phone around? Because I'd love to call Paige and just check in.

No, you're not. I know I got a book of wishes around here somewhere.

- Wishes? - Yeah. Gotta get the wording right.

Yeah, maybe you should just wish for sleep,

because I'm really good at that wish.

Look, I just want Paige to accept me the way I am,

with magic, it's the only way it will work.

I don't think magic is the answer to your problems.

- It's the cause of your problems. - She got you brainwashed too?

I'm gonna have to cast a spell on the entire family.

Here it is.

Paige, I told you, don't orb in and surprise me.

He's not himself right now.

How come you didn't tell me Chris was my nephew?

Maybe we could talk about that later

- because your boyfriend's about to: - Look, I'm fine, all right.

Just need to do some reading. Call you when I'm ready.

This is for your own good.

Paige!

Aren't you supposed to be at work?

I'm on a break. Came to surprise Piper.

Oh, a little booty call, huh?

- Is she here? - No, sorry. She's sleeping.

Wait. I don't believe you.

Okay, see for yourself.

You want me to tell them you stopped by?

No, that... That won't be necessary.

Sorry, Mom. It's for the best.

Take me to the bottle.

Are you okay? I'm sorry, I didn't mean to.

- It's okay. It's fine. - I'll make it up to you.

No, no, no. Not that way.

No more wishes.

No, no, it's okay. It's not for me. Phoebe, I wish you free.

What is this?

What are you doing here?

Genie, I wish the Charmed Ones dead!

No!

Now, into the bottle!

My condolences.

No, you can't be dead yet. It's not your time.

I know it's not your time.

I'm sorry. I'm so sorry. This is all my fault.

She was gonna kill Mom and Dad.

Oh, no!

Leo, wake up.

But how...?

Hey, Chris, we're not moving on.

- Why aren't we moving on? - Who cares? You're still here.

- Got any unfinished business? - No. You?

Now that you mention it, it would've been nice to find out

I had another nephew before I died!

I was gonna tell you, but I just didn't get a chance.

We can fix this. We can reverse the magic.

All we need to do is get the bottle.

That's true, we're ghosts. We can possess Jinny. Where is Jinny?

Well, she was planning to conjure the lost city.

Don't worry, we're gonna take care of this.

- Should we go check on Piper first? - No, no, no. Piper's fine.

I mean, she has to be, right? If she was dead, I would have vanished.

- How do we reach Jinny? - You can haunt anybody you want.

You should just concentrate and it should wisp you right to her.

Wait for me!

You're sure this is the site?

One of the hounds of the Zanbar. They guarded the city for the sultan.

I could use a few of those myself.

You ready in there?

I wish to resurrect the lost city of Zanbar!

Finders keepers.

I wouldn't unpack just now if I were you.

Why haven't you moved on? You're dead!

So are you.

- Watch out! - Phoebe, a little help here?

I think I've got control of her body.

Okay, all clear.

Richard, I wish you free!

No!

Hi, honey.

Let me out of here!

I wish the Charmed Ones alive again.

Yes, master.

You okay?

Take this, get it out of my sight.

Sure. But could you get rid of that thing first?

Yeah, no problem.

Hey.

What's going on?

Just thinking.

Oh, yeah, what about?

Everything. I mean, sometimes it feels like

my life's just one big disaster after the next, you know?

Like right from the start, being born into this stupid feud.

All that family hatred.

I mean, it's amazing that I've gone this far without ending up like one of them.

Well, Richard, you have.

That's what's important, right?

And you are here for a reason, for a purpose.

You just have to figure out what it is.

How can you have so much faith, Paige?

I mean, with everything out there, all the evil...

Well, it's because I don't just see all the evil, I see all the good too.

Especially in you.

Sometimes I'm not sure.

- I am. - Well, I hope you're right

because I'm giving up a lot to see it too.

I mean, my whole life I've had powers and magic.

And even if I didn't use it, it was just a part of me.

And now, it's kind of scary to think that I'm gonna be losing it.

And losing you too.

Well, you have to take care of yourself first, right?

And as long as I'm around and bringing magic into your life,

you won't be able to.

I know.

So have you taken the power-stripping potion yet?

They're not waking up. How come they're not waking up?

- Would you relax? - Relax? I'm sorry, did you say relax?

Because I'm about to disappear, vanish forever, cease to exist.

Oh, my God, you are so dramatic.

Hey, you okay?

I think so. What are you doing?

I don't know, I swear.

What's going on?

Arabic sleeping potion, very strong, not good.

You mean Jinny did this?

- Who else? - Well, we gotta stop her.

We already did while you were sleeping. She's back in the bottle.

Which we were sort of hoping you could take care of for us.

So that's it, it's all over?

Pretty much. I mean, you still forgive me, right?

- Of course. - Good.

I still wanna know why we all didn't die. What? I'm curious.

Sure, you don't mind them knowing that they almost died, but not that l...

- Never mind. - What are you talking about?

Jinny made a wish for us to die and we almost did,

- but then we turned into ghosts, and... - So that wasn't a dream I had.

I was floating over my body, looking down at me and then...

...you healed me.

- I did? - Yeah.

I called to you when you were sleeping

and somehow you must have heard me and you wouldn't let me go.

Well, then that must be why Phoebe and Paige's spirits didn't move on.

See, the wish was for all the Charmed Ones to die.

So saving you must have saved them.

That was really sweet of you.

Any time.

So you wanna go with me to get Wyatt?

Sure.

Wait. What...?

What about me?

I wouldn't give up. There may be hope for you yet.