Original subtitles

All right!

Give it up for Smash Mouth!

Let's hear it, come on!

Hangin' Chad, coming back live at the KQSF Annual Beach Bash.

Winding it up with our special guest,

the stunningly beautiful, Phoebe Halliwell

of "Ask Phoebe" fame.

Okay, so, what's your deal?

Are you psychic, is that it?

- I'm sorry? - I mean you gotta be, don't you?

Your column has skyrocketed,

all the critics rave about how amazingly insightful your advice is.

How else do you explain it?

I just think I read people really well.

Oh, you do, do you?

Can you read me?

I don't know. Write a letter and we'll see.

Come on, give it a shot.

You guys wanna see her do it, don't you?

All right, all right.

What do you want advice on?

Okay, let's see.

There's this woman that I like, and I'd like to ask her out.

But I'm afraid she'll say no. What should I do?

Well, why don't you just ask me and find out?

Hey, are you out of your mind?

What are you doing here?

Freyja sent me.

She wants to know what's taking so long.

Freyja?

For a mythical character, she sure does worry a lot.

She's not the only one who's worried.

He's an Elder, Chris.

How much longer do you really expect us to keep him?

Don't tell me he's complaining.

Yes, a lot actually.

I don't believe it! Banish the guy to an island

filled with beautiful women and he still complains.

- I can't win. - How much longer?

Until I'm ready.

I'm sorry, but I haven't finished what I came here to do yet.

And I need Leo out of the way until I can.

More importantly, the sisters can't find him before I'm ready.

- Or else... - I know.

We all understand the risks.

I'd never hurt you, Mist.

- You know that. - You would if you had to.

I know that too.

Chris, are you up there?

You better go.

Please. Hurry.

Hey, do you have any laundry?

No, no. I'm good, thanks.

I'm gonna get your sisters. We have another demon to vanquish.

Okey-dokey.

Hi. I'm sorry if I embarrassed you back there.

- I'm glad it was on the radio. - I don't know why I answered like that.

- It was... - It was dead on, that's what it was.

It was exactly what I was feeling. Nervous about asking you out.

Really? You were?

Well, then maybe I should ask you out and just take the pressure off.

I just don't know what's the matter with me.

It's gotta be the heat or something.

- Bayview Caf�, say, 1:00? - I'll be there.

Phoebe.

Chris, what are you doing here?

Listen, I gotta get back.

- Don't be late. - I won't be.

Trok demon. Remember?

- Chris, get a life. - Come on.

Stop! Stop!

Sit! Heel!

Stop!

I gotta get a real job.

Trok demon?

What now? Can't you see I'm working?

All right, can we get this started because I have to go...

Where did they come from?

He wouldn't let me take them back first.

- Back? - Yeah, I'm a...

...dog walker.

The temp agency messed up.

Do you mind? We have to summon the demon while he's still on our plane.

- Piper! - Oh, Chris, lighten up.

Sending us after all these demons is getting to be a real drag.

- Yeah, you're working us like dogs. - I don't see Piper complaining.

No, because Piper doesn't complain about anything anymore.

Ever since Leo left to become an Elder,

all she does is walk around the house all chipper.

- So? - So it's unusual.

What's worse, it's not Piper.

I'd love to have a play date.

Maybe we can call Jennie and she can bring baby Josie.

And then I'll bring the juice and maybe bake some muffins, and...

Oh, how cute.

Okay?

- She's getting worse. - Definitely.

- Do you have a spell? - Right out of the Book.

After you summon him, make sure Piper freezes him.

Otherwise you'll never get the spell off.

Take these guys to the attic, they'll be fine there.

- Wait. Me? - Yeah, you. Go.

- Alrighty, are we ready? - Alrighty.

Phoebe, have I told you how much I love your new 'do, it's fabulous!

- Very chipper. - Okay, let's do this.

You take this.

Piper, freeze him!

What did you do that for?

I don't know. I didn't mean to.

"From other worlds far and near

Let's get him the Trok out of here"

Everybody okay?

Yeah. That was awesome.

What kind of whitelighter can't heal?

- For the record, you can't heal either. - I'm half whitelighter.

How come you didn't tell us this before we hired you?

Because you didn't hire me. I was assigned by the Elders.

Any other little surprises you'd like to share with us?

No.

Look, I haven't been a whitelighter very long, okay?

And healing, it's big.

- And takes a while to learn how to do. - Great, student-lighter.

You could have told us about this, like, I don't know, maybe a month ago?

Well, I know one thing for sure.

We're gonna stop all this demon-fighting for a while.

Wait. Why?

Can somebody please fold the towels in the dryer when it's done?

That's why.

I put a casserole in the oven. You can check it in about an hour or so.

I will be at the club if you need me. Have fun.

Oh, my God. She is so sad.

Sad? Where are you getting sad from?

How about this? Three more demons, then we can talk about taking a break.

Do you have a quota or something?

I've told you this before.

I know from future knowledge that a demon is gonna come after Wyatt.

These are all just pre-emptive strikes.

Okay. Look, Chris, we like you a lot.

But we've been doing this a lot longer than you have.

Trust me, you have to pace yourself and you gotta let us have a life.

Speaking of which, I have to go get ready for my lunch date.

Oh, I didn't know your boss was back in town.

No, it's not with Jason.

It's with Chad, the DJ, who I'm not really interested in.

Two demons. How about that? Two?

No, Chris, and especially not until we figure out what's wrong with Piper.

And more importantly, Piper's powers.

I swear, I think Leo did something to her before he left.

You know what? I think it's about time we orb him down here and ask him.

- I don't think that's possible. - Well, then make it possible.

Even if he doesn't care about Piper as his wife,

as an Elder, he at the least should care about what happened to her powers.

- I can't. - Yeah, you can.

You just go up there and tell him to get his butt back down here.

That's not why I can't.

I didn't wanna tell you this because I didn't wanna worry you two but...

Leo's missing.

- What? - Missing? How long?

Since the last time we saw him.

Anyways, the Elders think he's been... kidnapped.

By whom?

Go! Go!

They got Kruger!

Who?

What the...?

It's all right. You don't have to be afraid.

You're one of the chosen few.

Don't worry.

I promise you'll understand soon enough.

- You're amazing, Piper. - Sorry?

I mean, seriously, I don't know how you do it.

I mean, I could barely take care of myself

when little Darryl was a baby, let alone run a daycare.

Well, you know, nobody was using the club during the day anyway,

and I was running out of room at home with all of Wyatt's play dates.

Well, I think it's great.

Really, I mean, especially with everything you're going through.

What?

Sheila's been a little concerned about you lately.

You know, with Leo and all.

I can't even imagine how hard it must be for you.

Do you ever even talk to him?

Oh, no. It's probably against the rules.

But, you know, no use crying over spilt milk.

And besides, you know, I just gotta push ahead for Wyatt.

Well, better get these treats to the little ones.

Is Darryl Jr. staying late?

- Yeah. - Yeah, yeah.

Super.

Hey, guys, have fun. Coming through.

I gotta get back to the station.

- Hi, guys. - Hey.

- Hi. - What's the matter?

- Sorry? - Something's bothering you, I can tell.

- Phoebe? - What?

Oh, sorry.

So, you know, Piper's doing fine, huh?

Yeah, but you don't think she is.

Don't mind her, she's just being a little annoying.

Would you excuse us for a second?

- Yeah, sure. - Yeah.

- See you later. - Bye.

What is going on with you?

I don't know, it's weird.

Lately, I've just been feeling a lot of weird vibes.

I don't know what it is.

Vibes.

Check it out. I can really, really only deal

- with one whacked out sister at a time. - Got it.

Piper?

Piper, you got a minute?

- Can it wait? - No, actually, it can't.

- It's about Leo. - Oh, did he call?

Not exactly.

There's no easy way to break this so I'm just gonna come out and say it.

Leo's missing.

We found out the Elders haven't heard from him since he left to join them.

So did he happen to say anything to you

the last time you saw him that could potentially help?

No. All I remember him saying

is that he was leaving to become an Elder and I wished him good luck.

That's it? That was your big goodbye?

Yeah, as far as I can remember.

But I wouldn't worry about it too much. He'll turn up sooner or later.

Excuse me.

So much for that shocking her back into reality, huh?

Unfortunately, I think only Leo can do that.

Greetings, Mist.

You under-rotated.

Now watch.

You were gone a while, Mist.

I was beginning to worry.

I wanted you to be pleased.

Cute.

But can he fight?

Like no other.

We'll see.

Am I in heaven?

Warrior heaven.

Until I see how well you do against our champion, anyway.

What do you want from me?

We want you to fight.

He fought well enough.

Heal him. Get him into training.

- Come. - What about me?

I don't belong here and you know it!

No? You're an Elder, aren't you?

You have much to teach my warriors.

Where exactly are you trying to find Leo? Jupiter?

When an Elder gets kidnapped,

they're probably not just gonna take him to Chinatown, right?

I think everything is game, even the cosmos.

Still, I don't see how the crystal's gonna find him,

especially not without something of his to focus it better.

I've got one of his plaid shirts.

I was thinking something a little more special than that.

Leo loved those shirts. His entire closet's full of them.

What's your problem?

You're nervous, I can feel it.

Watch your vibes.

I just think you guys should be focusing on helping Piper, not Leo.

- I was right. - Hey, finding Leo

could help us with Piper.

Well, then you better find another way, because you are not gonna find him.

I mean, you haven't found him yet, have you?

I'm telling you, just leave it up to the Elders, all right?

- Just let it go. - Let it go? He's Wyatt's father.

- And our brother-in-law. - Ex-brother-in-law.

I'm just trying to get you two to focus on your sister here. That's all.

Because with her powers messed up, you guys are all at risk.

- He's right. - I know.

But if Leo did do something to block Piper's pain,

how do we unblock it without him?

- A magical laxative. - Okay.

But think about it. If we can write a spell to help her remember her pain,

I don't know, it could even help us find Leo.

Who are you calling, Spells "R" Us?

No, I'm calling the Bayview Caf�.

I'm gonna cancel my lunch date with Chad, which I'm already late for.

Bayview Caf�.

Hi, can I speak to Chad Carson, please?

- I was supposed to meet him for... - Yes, he couldn't make it today.

- What? - He called and he cancelled.

- He cancelled? - Yes, he cancelled.

Are you sure? He didn't even call...

He told us to let you know he's very sorry.

He stood me up.

Wait, weren't you just calling to cancel on him?

Yeah, but I called him. That's cancelling.

He called the restaurant. That's standing up.

This doesn't make any sense.

I don't understand.

He liked me, he really liked me. I felt it.

Well, excuse me, but it didn't even seem like your heart was in it anyway.

Where you going? We have a spell to write!

And I have a DJ to grill!

All right, here you go, Chad.

Thanks, Billy.

Hey.

I hear they have hot dogs at the Bayview Caf�.

Phoebe, what are you doing here?

That's funny, I was about to ask you the same thing.

Listen, I can explain.

That's good, because that's why I'm here.

I was just hoping you could help me understand something

that's baffled women since the beginning of time.

Why don't men call after they ask us out?

And why do they cancel at the last minute,

and even worse, stand us up?

Look, I'm sorry but I had something really important come up.

- Are you intimidated by me? - What?

Because you weren't intimidated by me when you asked me out.

Hold on, you asked me out, remember?

Oh, wait. Are you saying that you didn't want me though?

- Because I know you did, I felt it. - Wait a minute.

You don't like successful women.

I gotta go.

Wait, are you telling me that everything that I've worked so hard for in my life,

everything I fought to achieve, makes me less attractive to men?

Because if that's what you're saying, I just...

It just hurts. It hurts so much.

It hurts so much, Mommy!

Don't you think you're overreacting just a little?

No, I don't!

Actually, yeah, I do.

- It hurts so much, Mommy. - I know it does.

Sir, what does it matter when I bring the dogs home?

Their owners aren't there. That's why I got the job in the first place.

Why don't you go hump a dog? Did you ever think of that?

No, not you, sir.

Look, you know, when I came to the agency,

I really went with the idea that I would be helping people, not animals.

And what I really mean to say is that it's...

Sir, it is time for me to strike out on my own.

Yeah, I'll have the dogs back in an hour.

- Piper's home! - Coming.

Hey, who's that?

Ask her.

Hi, how's it going?

How's it going?

What are you doing?

Whose babies are these?

Hi.

Well, their mommies couldn't pick them up in time,

so I offered to bring them home for a while.

Oh, you did?

What about, you know, Leo?

I don't know, what about him?

Look, Wyatt, look who's here.

Another friend for you to play with.

- Is that the memory spell? - Yeah.

And she can stay as long as she likes.

Cast it.

"Powers and emotions tied A witch's heart is where it hides

Help her through her agony Bless her with her memory"

Piper, you okay?

I'm sorry, do I know you?

Very funny.

Oh, cute.

Yours?

No, yours.

Mine? Well, what do you mean?

Wait, who am I?

What am I doing here?

Great, Paige, you didn't restore her memory, you erased it.

That's impossible. It's a good spell, I know it.

Unless it interacted badly with Leo's magic.

What happened? How did that happen?

It's okay. You're gonna be okay.

Just don't point at anything, okay? Just keep your hands down.

Like this: Okay?

Can somebody please tell me what's going on?

We're gonna tell you that, just as soon as we know ourselves.

Okay, you come in here, and you have a seat,

and take a load off.

Yeah, and keep those arms down.

Oh, my goodness.

Don't freak out, because magic got us into this and magic will get us out.

- Did you see that? - See what?

- Wyatt, he orbed his pacifier. - What?

I think I know how to find Leo.

Leo? Will you please forget about Leo?

Oh, Piper, hi!

You're never gonna believe this.

I think I have a new power.

It would certainly explain a lot of my weird behaviour lately,

like why I wanted to date Chad,

and why my advice has been so amazingly accurate.

I know, this is huge, right? Huge.

So, what's my new power you ask? Oh, I'll tell you.

Do you remember that empath we helped a couple of years ago?

That guy that could feel what other people were feeling?

- Phoebe. - Just a sec.

I think that's what I am now.

An empath.

I am an empath.

That's my new power.

Or at least an advancement of my premonition power, I don't know.

Neither does she, I'm afraid.

Know, that is, anything.

Paige erased her memory.

Can you blow things up too?

Oh, boy.

Paige!

What did you do to our sister?

Oh, you poor dear.

You feel awful about it, don't you?

I'm so sorry.

- Thanks. I think. - That's it?

That's all the ass-kicking you'll dole out? You're supposed to be sisters.

She's clearly devastated about this.

You can't let her off the hook. You need enough guilt to get her to fix it.

I think I just fixed it.

I think we just found Leo.

- "We"? - Yep, Wyatt and me.

I mean, nothing's more important to Leo than him, right?

Oh, there you go, big boy.

- Let's go. - Go? Go where?

It's pointing to the middle of the Indian Ocean.

There must be something there. I trust Wyatt.

- No, this is crazy. - Chris,

she's feeling really strongly about this.

I have a new power.

I'll explain on the way.

Hey, can you take the dogs back for me?

- The addresses are in the book. - No, there's no way.

If anyone should be protecting themselves, it's me from you.

It's so beautiful here, it's like paradise. But why isn't it on the map?

They obviously don't want anyone to know it exists.

Like the island has some sort of magical camouflage or something.

Yeah, well, that's a hell of a lot of magic.

Over there!

Well, that was close. I hope they're not looking for us.

Anything?

Phoebe. Paige.

Leo! Oh, my God.

I can't believe it.

I can't tell you how good it is to see you guys.

- Hey, you cut your hair. - Yeah, you like it?

Hello, people.

What are you doing in here anyway?

Somebody put me here, that's what. Watch out!

Oh, thank you.

Wow, Leo, I didn't know you had it in you.

I've changed.

Get out before the Valkyries find you. If you orbed here, they've been alerted.

Valkyries? Who are they, and what do they want with you?

But you can't orb out from here, it's protected.

You need to get out of here. Now go! Run!

We'll be back.

I told you, I don't belong here.

You could have been killed, you know that? What were you thinking?

We were thinking of finding Leo, which we actually did, if that matters to you.

What was up with that skirt he was wearing?

At least the skirt wasn't plaid.

I don't believe this. It's like neither of you guys are taking this very seriously.

- Hey, do you mind? - I can't help it if he doesn't like you.

You were supposed to take him home.

I tried, but the owners weren't there.

Besides, the dog, he's not my job, he's yours.

I know, don't remind me.

Hey, Oscar, lay down.

Look, Paige, I think he likes you.

Yeah, great.

Don't tell me you can read his feelings too.

No, but if I start licking your toes, run.

Where's Piper?

I put her in her room, hoping that it might jog her memory,

since nobody else seems to be trying to.

Here it is.

"Valkyries, a powerful race of demigoddesses

who scout the battlegrounds for dying warriors..."

"...then take their souls to Valhalla,

where they prepare them for the final world battle."

Valkyries, huh?

Does that mean they're good?

How can they be good if they've got Leo?

And how did they even get Leo? He's not a dying warrior, he's an Elder.

Why don't you guys concentrate on helping Piper.

I'm gonna fill in the Elders and see what they want to do.

Chris, we don't have time. We have to go back for Leo now.

Why? Doesn't sound like he's in trouble.

He's only stuck in a cage.

They tried to kill us.

My point exactly. Too dangerous. You're not going back.

Wait, let me get this straight.

Are you telling me that you'd rather just let Leo rot there,

is that what you're saying?

- No, but... - He needs our help.

Not to mention he may be the only way we have to save Piper.

You can't orb into Valhalla undetected.

The only way to get there safely is with a Valkyrie's pendant.

But that still won't get you close to Leo. He's too well-guarded now.

How do you know all this?

I've crossed paths with Valkyries before...

...in the future.

Anyway, I can get you pendants, but the only way to get close to Leo

is by proving to the Valkyries you're one of them.

How are we supposed to do that?

Easy, just arrive with a warrior's soul.

Oh, easy.

Where are we supposed to find a warrior's soul?

Beats me.

It's all right, you don't have to be afraid.

You're a brave warrior.

I'll take care of you.

I don't think so, Leysa. Not this time.

What are you doing here?

My plans have changed, unfortunately.

The witches found Leo sooner than I would have liked.

That's not my problem. We kept our end of the deal.

I know.

And I'm forever grateful.

But I can't risk them finding out what I'm up to.

I'm truly sorry.

Forgive me.

Officer down, 8th Avenue sewer. We need an ambulance.

Attention all units in the vicinity of the 8th Avenue sewer.

We have an officer down. I repeat, we have an officer down.

- You ain't got nothing on me. - Shut up.

Get in there.

- Wait here. - Yeah, like I'm going anywhere.

Are you out of your mind? What are you doing here?

Darryl, we need your help.

Does this have anything to do with you asking Sheila to watch Wyatt?

- She just called. - Yes, but we don't have a lot of time.

- It's about Leo. - You found him?

- Actually, we did. - We need your help to save him.

Sure, you know that. Just ask. Anything.

Great. We just need to borrow your soul for a couple of hours.

We'll get it right back.

It's perfectly safe really. Your body will just slip into a coma

and as long as we get your soul back in time...

- Which we will. ...you'll be fine.

Just a little headache, that's all.

What do you say?

You're serious, aren't you?

Please, Darryl, it's the only way we can save Leo.

No. I ain't doing it.

Darryl, please.

No, absolutely not.

I love Leo like a brother,

but you know, there is a limit to what you can ask a man to do.

And this is definitely over the limit.

- Darryl? - What?

That's just great.

I hope this works.

Just remember everything I told you and you'll be fine, okay?

Okay we got the... Oh, my God, what did you do to Piper?

I turned her into a Valkyrie. And convinced her she's one too.

Actually it wasn't that hard really, considering the fact

- that her mind is basically a blank. - Why?

You might need the power of three to get Leo out of Valhalla.

And this is the only way you're gonna get her into Valhalla.

Well, if Piper ever gets her memory back, she's gonna kill you.

- Why? - Because she hates wearing

those costumes as much as we do.

Yeah? Well, in that case, you're gonna kill me too.

Can I help you?

We've brought you a warrior.

- Warrior? - Is there a problem?

How come I don't recognize you?

Perhaps you'll recognize this.

A warrior's spirit, worthy of Valhalla.

Well done.

Not a bad afterlife if you ask me.

You're doing great, honey.

Okay, I know how we're gonna save Leo,

but how are we gonna save Morris?

I have no idea. That's why they call it winging it.

- What are you two talking about? - Nothing.

What are you waiting for? Attack!

Leo?

What are we gonna do?

It's Piper.

Her pain is back. Do something.

Kill him!

- Take the fall! - What fall?

Stay down.

What is he doing here?

What are we doing here?

Piper.

Do something.

We just wanted to apologize for sending you such a weak warrior.

We can get rid of him for you.

Get rid of him?

Yeah, you know, like,

send his spirit on to the hereafter... or something.

Very well.

You left me, didn't you?

Potion, potion!

We gotta get out of here.

It's clear!

I'll open the portal.

Phoebe.

It's Piper.

Her heart is breaking.

- Piper... - Don't. Stay away from me.

I promise I will explain everything when we get home,

but right now we need to go.

Home?

We don't have a home. You left us.

Leo, talk to her.

I didn't have a choice.

I became an Elder. It's not something I wanted, it just happened.

Yeah, see, I know all of this.

Why didn't I remember it?

Because I used my powers so you wouldn't have to.

Your anger almost destroyed a city, then your pain almost destroyed you.

I wanted to help you, so you wouldn't have to deal with it all at once.

So you took my feelings away?

No.

Never.

I was gonna reverse the spell slowly so you could feel a little more every day,

but then somebody did this to me. Somebody put me here so I couldn't.

I'm sorry.

Look, I don't want to rush you two, but we have to go.

I have to second that.

You bastard, how dare you do this to me?

- To our son. - Phoebe?

We had a life together, a family, and you destroyed it.

You destroyed me.

You left me alone to raise our son by myself!

How could you do this?

How could you do this?

How could you?

I don't feel Piper anymore.

We have to go.

Come on, Piper. We gotta go.

- Go? Go where? - Home, hurry!

We gotta leave her. Come on!