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1
00:00:09,527 --> 00:00:10,551
I'm leaving you.
2
00:01:08,152 --> 00:01:10,212
- What's the difference?
- Speed.
3
00:01:11,121 --> 00:01:14,285
This is faster?
4
00:01:18,662 --> 00:01:24,294
Much faster than a wheelchair.
5
00:01:27,605 --> 00:01:28,800
Walking on your knees?
6
00:01:30,007 --> 00:01:31,976
It's faster.
7
00:01:34,345 --> 00:01:37,315
At intersections and stations...
8
00:01:39,350 --> 00:01:46,985
I'm slow, but much faster
than a wheelchair.
9
00:01:47,758 --> 00:01:55,996
GOODBYE CP
10
00:03:20,451 --> 00:03:22,079
I was so scared.
11
00:03:24,455 --> 00:03:25,423
How?
12
00:03:26,790 --> 00:03:29,419
I was afraid it'll turn red.
13
00:03:31,228 --> 00:03:32,924
My life was on the line.
14
00:03:36,734 --> 00:03:40,034
I was desperate.
15
00:03:41,005 --> 00:03:48,606
CP stands for cerebral palsy.
16
00:03:49,413 --> 00:03:56,616
On April 18, 1948, my
first son was born.
17
00:03:56,987 --> 00:04:02,619
He was kept in a hospital
for a week.
18
00:04:05,329 --> 00:04:09,960
He was diagnosed with
Cerebral Palsy...
19
00:04:10,334 --> 00:04:16,638
when he was 18 months old.
20
00:04:17,441 --> 00:04:21,811
We took him to many different
doctors and...
21
00:04:23,514 --> 00:04:26,143
did everything we could.
22
00:04:27,351 --> 00:04:31,311
I even gave up cigarettes
and alcohol...
23
00:04:31,689 --> 00:04:36,821
praying for his recovery.
24
00:04:37,528 --> 00:04:41,829
When I first learned that
my son had CP,
25
00:04:42,199 --> 00:04:48,332
I was shocked and didn't
know what to do.
26
00:04:48,706 --> 00:04:53,337
But I had to do something.
27
00:04:53,711 --> 00:04:58,172
I thought there must be
something I can do for him.
28
00:04:58,549 --> 00:05:01,018
I was determined to do
everything I can do.
29
00:05:01,385 --> 00:05:08,349
My husband and I studied all
about CP at the library.
30
00:05:08,726 --> 00:05:11,355
Some CP patients are
killed at birth or...
31
00:05:11,729 --> 00:05:13,527
become victims of
family suicides.
32
00:05:13,897 --> 00:05:16,867
But I believe it's my duty
as a parent...
33
00:05:17,234 --> 00:05:20,363
to find him a way to survive
in this world.
34
00:05:20,738 --> 00:05:23,537
That's what I believe and
we're continuing to do that...
35
00:05:24,074 --> 00:05:29,536
so that he can live normally
once we're gone.
36
00:05:30,914 --> 00:05:35,375
Like everyone else, I did all
I could, as any parents do...
37
00:05:35,586 --> 00:05:39,045
and tried very hard.
38
00:05:39,423 --> 00:05:42,393
Once I learned that nothing
could be done,
39
00:05:42,760 --> 00:05:47,221
I did everything so that he
could have a happy life.
40
00:05:47,598 --> 00:05:51,558
He was given life.
41
00:05:51,935 --> 00:05:55,235
He deserves everything
a normal person does.
42
00:05:55,606 --> 00:05:58,906
I think that all the time.
43
00:05:59,443 --> 00:06:05,246
I am prepared to do everything
I can do for him.
44
00:06:05,616 --> 00:06:07,915
I mean everything.
45
00:06:08,786 --> 00:06:13,588
Since I had this child,
46
00:06:14,458 --> 00:06:19,089
I've gained a lot of knowledge.
47
00:06:19,463 --> 00:06:24,925
If it wasn't for my son, I would've
been a reclusive mother.
48
00:06:25,302 --> 00:06:26,600
Through my son,
49
00:06:26,970 --> 00:06:33,433
I met many people I would
otherwise not have met.
50
00:06:33,811 --> 00:06:37,441
People from different social
groups in our society.
51
00:06:37,815 --> 00:06:43,277
We don't keep him in the house.
We take him everywhere.
52
00:06:45,989 --> 00:06:49,448
When I see students protesting
and using violence,
53
00:06:49,827 --> 00:06:52,956
I feel very proud of having
my son as he is.
54
00:06:53,997 --> 00:06:58,958
I've always been a little shy...
55
00:07:00,671 --> 00:07:04,631
about having a child with CP.
56
00:07:05,008 --> 00:07:11,141
My husband complained a lot
when he got drunk.
57
00:07:11,515 --> 00:07:15,475
I thought about divorcing him
so many times.
58
00:07:15,853 --> 00:07:18,652
But looking at my child...
59
00:07:19,022 --> 00:07:25,656
gave me the will to move on.
60
00:07:26,029 --> 00:07:31,161
So I tried my best to keep my
family together.
61
00:07:31,535 --> 00:07:34,164
My son...
62
00:07:35,038 --> 00:07:40,341
I'm truly grateful to my son...
63
00:07:42,713 --> 00:07:48,675
for our happiness and keeping
my family together.
64
00:07:50,721 --> 00:07:54,522
I don't treat him differently just
because he is handicapped.
65
00:07:54,892 --> 00:07:58,522
But as a parent,
66
00:07:58,896 --> 00:08:01,195
just like the old saying goes...
67
00:08:02,566 --> 00:08:08,369
"a flawed child is that much
more adorable."
68
00:08:12,576 --> 00:08:16,240
It's only natural for parents.
I really think so.
69
00:08:17,080 --> 00:08:22,383
Being in a wheelchair is like...
70
00:08:29,927 --> 00:08:37,391
being attended and
protected by angels.
71
00:08:38,769 --> 00:08:40,397
We might...
72
00:08:43,607 --> 00:08:45,235
be killed...
73
00:08:47,778 --> 00:08:50,407
tomorrow.
74
00:08:52,716 --> 00:08:54,742
We want...
75
00:08:56,720 --> 00:08:58,416
to live...
76
00:08:59,957 --> 00:09:01,255
freely...
77
00:09:10,300 --> 00:09:13,759
as human...
78
00:09:15,973 --> 00:09:17,703
beings.
79
00:09:19,242 --> 00:09:23,703
So please support...
80
00:09:32,756 --> 00:09:35,453
The Green Lawn Movement.
81
00:09:41,498 --> 00:09:43,399
The Green Lawn was...
82
00:09:47,771 --> 00:09:54,143
established by the disabled
themselves.
83
00:09:54,511 --> 00:09:57,970
- Why did you donate?
- Just wanted to help.
84
00:09:58,448 --> 00:10:00,644
- Did you donate?
- I gave 200 yen.
85
00:10:04,187 --> 00:10:07,157
I just felt bad.
86
00:10:07,691 --> 00:10:14,154
I'm interested in social problems.
87
00:10:15,799 --> 00:10:18,826
My child felt sorry.
88
00:10:19,703 --> 00:10:23,162
- I felt sorry.
- No special reason.
89
00:10:24,041 --> 00:10:26,010
I just felt bad.
90
00:10:26,543 --> 00:10:29,775
I heard it on the news.
91
00:10:30,213 --> 00:10:32,842
- Why did you donate?
- I don't know.
92
00:10:34,818 --> 00:10:37,686
I drove by earlier and
saw them.
93
00:10:38,055 --> 00:10:44,689
I went out again, so I wanted
to give them something.
94
00:10:48,565 --> 00:10:50,033
I felt sorry.
95
00:10:50,567 --> 00:10:52,536
My friend's child is handicapped.
96
00:10:53,236 --> 00:10:55,796
Some people are unfortunate.
97
00:10:56,973 --> 00:10:59,465
I felt sorry.
98
00:10:59,843 --> 00:11:02,870
- How?
- They're human, like us.
99
00:11:03,246 --> 00:11:07,047
But I wonder why they
are handicapped.
100
00:11:07,918 --> 00:11:12,049
All these problems with
medical practice....
101
00:11:12,422 --> 00:11:16,223
religion, pollution...
102
00:11:16,927 --> 00:11:20,728
and all these heartless problems
of the human race...
103
00:11:21,098 --> 00:11:23,567
sadden me very much.
104
00:11:24,201 --> 00:11:28,571
What the Buddha predicted
2500 years ago...
105
00:11:28,939 --> 00:11:31,238
is now starting to happen.
106
00:11:31,608 --> 00:11:33,236
Mankind has lost its soul.
107
00:11:34,611 --> 00:11:39,242
Our society faces problems
and afflictions.
108
00:11:39,616 --> 00:11:45,248
I just wanted to help
people in need.
109
00:11:45,889 --> 00:11:48,085
We're on our way home from
visiting the family grave.
110
00:11:49,459 --> 00:11:50,757
Why did you donate?
111
00:11:51,128 --> 00:11:54,098
Well, the thing is...
112
00:11:55,799 --> 00:11:59,930
they can't work like we do.
113
00:12:00,303 --> 00:12:07,267
So we should at least try to help.
114
00:12:07,978 --> 00:12:12,109
No special reason, but things
must be difficult for them.
115
00:12:18,822 --> 00:12:20,950
That's why I donated.
116
00:12:21,324 --> 00:12:24,886
This is our problem.
It could happen to us.
117
00:12:27,497 --> 00:12:28,624
I don't know.
118
00:12:32,335 --> 00:12:35,134
I felt sorry.
119
00:12:35,839 --> 00:12:37,137
How?
120
00:12:37,507 --> 00:12:42,707
I just imagined if that happened
to one of my children.
121
00:12:43,079 --> 00:12:45,810
I have three of them.
122
00:12:46,183 --> 00:12:47,310
Why did you donate?
123
00:12:48,018 --> 00:12:49,145
I dunno.
124
00:12:50,353 --> 00:12:56,156
Well, my child died
as a result of CP.
125
00:12:57,360 --> 00:12:59,659
So I wanted to help.
126
00:12:59,863 --> 00:13:02,992
I know someone who has CP.
127
00:13:03,366 --> 00:13:04,994
So I felt really bad.
128
00:13:05,802 --> 00:13:07,498
They're helpless.
129
00:13:10,874 --> 00:13:17,007
I wanted do whatever I can.
130
00:13:18,381 --> 00:13:22,341
I've been interested
in such problems.
131
00:13:23,119 --> 00:13:25,179
- I felt sorry.
- Why?
132
00:13:31,394 --> 00:13:32,692
I don't know.
133
00:13:34,998 --> 00:13:36,694
- I felt bad.
- Why?
134
00:13:41,004 --> 00:13:41,972
No reason.
135
00:13:42,339 --> 00:13:43,864
Just wanted to help.
136
00:13:44,241 --> 00:13:47,473
It must be tough for them.
137
00:13:49,412 --> 00:13:52,974
But they do what they can.
138
00:13:55,585 --> 00:13:56,712
Poor thing.
139
00:13:58,021 --> 00:14:00,991
I'm from the countryside.
140
00:14:01,424 --> 00:14:04,883
I've never seen anything
like this before.
141
00:14:05,629 --> 00:14:08,497
I feel so sorry for them.
142
00:14:11,434 --> 00:14:12,402
I feel sorry.
143
00:14:14,604 --> 00:14:20,407
Well... I mean their bodies.
144
00:14:22,846 --> 00:14:26,613
I felt sorry. We're blessed.
145
00:14:28,184 --> 00:14:29,413
I felt sorry.
146
00:14:32,055 --> 00:14:37,153
It must be difficult to do
so many things.
147
00:14:37,961 --> 00:14:39,088
Why did you donate?
148
00:14:39,896 --> 00:14:42,092
My Mom told me to.
149
00:14:43,133 --> 00:14:45,762
Why donate?
Well...
150
00:14:46,870 --> 00:14:49,601
Because my life is stable.
151
00:14:51,007 --> 00:14:52,100
That's it.
152
00:14:53,476 --> 00:14:55,604
Well, I feel sorry for them, too.
153
00:14:58,915 --> 00:15:04,445
We're the same human being.
But they were unlucky.
154
00:15:06,156 --> 00:15:07,283
Isn't that right?
155
00:15:08,224 --> 00:15:09,453
Why did you donate?
156
00:15:11,361 --> 00:15:15,128
I was very much moved...
157
00:15:15,498 --> 00:15:20,732
by their strong desire to live.
158
00:15:22,972 --> 00:15:27,910
Me? My child is in good health,
so I feel blessed.
159
00:15:29,346 --> 00:15:33,249
I want them to be
in good health, too.
160
00:15:33,683 --> 00:15:37,142
I want them to cheer up.
161
00:15:40,123 --> 00:15:41,318
Yes, he's there now.
162
00:15:41,691 --> 00:15:42,989
- At the facility?
- Yes.
163
00:15:43,360 --> 00:15:44,919
You don't want to live together?
164
00:15:45,462 --> 00:15:50,093
Well, it's for my child's future.
165
00:15:51,601 --> 00:15:55,936
- Being at the facility is better?
- Yes, I think so.
166
00:15:56,706 --> 00:15:57,674
For him, it's better.
167
00:15:58,141 --> 00:16:01,009
You think they should be
institutionalized?
168
00:16:01,411 --> 00:16:04,609
My child's been there for 5 years.
169
00:16:06,549 --> 00:16:08,177
It was all for the better.
170
00:16:09,052 --> 00:16:13,353
It's a real struggle for them.
171
00:16:13,723 --> 00:16:18,058
And the government doesn't
do enough.
172
00:16:18,428 --> 00:16:21,193
That's why I wanted to help.
173
00:16:21,564 --> 00:16:23,863
I'm lucky to have what I have.
174
00:16:24,234 --> 00:16:29,696
They would never be cured.
175
00:16:30,073 --> 00:16:33,202
I thought they needed
some money.
176
00:16:36,980 --> 00:16:38,710
In my opinion...
177
00:16:39,416 --> 00:16:42,215
we're the object of pity
for them.
178
00:16:43,586 --> 00:16:48,388
They make their kids
give donations.
179
00:16:49,759 --> 00:16:53,560
That's fine with me.
180
00:16:55,331 --> 00:16:56,230
Besides...
181
00:16:57,767 --> 00:17:00,498
it's better to feel pity...
182
00:17:01,004 --> 00:17:05,374
than not have any...
183
00:17:07,043 --> 00:17:08,238
interests at all.
184
00:17:09,612 --> 00:17:15,074
Giving their kids
money for donations...
185
00:17:18,455 --> 00:17:22,756
out of pity...
186
00:17:25,295 --> 00:17:31,257
makes them feel better,
187
00:17:34,637 --> 00:17:36,868
that's fine with me.
188
00:17:40,977 --> 00:17:43,776
I'd rather quit...
189
00:17:44,647 --> 00:17:47,617
if we're operating under
the principle...
190
00:17:50,253 --> 00:17:54,452
that we are the weak ones.
191
00:17:56,159 --> 00:17:57,286
I would quit.
192
00:17:58,995 --> 00:18:03,126
When I talk to the crowd,
193
00:18:03,500 --> 00:18:05,969
I always think about...
194
00:18:06,503 --> 00:18:13,637
what separates the handicapped
from the healthy ones.
195
00:18:14,177 --> 00:18:18,046
When I hold a microphone...
196
00:18:19,349 --> 00:18:23,480
and talk to the crowd,
197
00:18:23,853 --> 00:18:26,254
I can't help myself...
198
00:18:26,856 --> 00:18:30,884
from feeling that I'm miserable.
199
00:18:40,370 --> 00:18:44,671
How can I say it?
200
00:18:45,875 --> 00:18:50,108
I try to resist the idea...
201
00:18:50,613 --> 00:18:53,344
inside my head.
202
00:18:54,384 --> 00:19:00,415
But I always find myself
asking for sympathy.
203
00:19:02,392 --> 00:19:03,360
Oh, no.
204
00:19:13,336 --> 00:19:16,363
- You must be relieved.
- Yes, I am.
205
00:19:17,140 --> 00:19:19,974
- Did it hurt?
- Of course.
206
00:19:23,746 --> 00:19:25,214
The baby is premature.
207
00:19:26,349 --> 00:19:30,878
200 grams short of normal
weight. A bit too light.
208
00:19:34,157 --> 00:19:36,217
Who does he take after?
209
00:20:06,623 --> 00:20:09,422
He's yawning.
210
00:20:17,967 --> 00:20:20,266
A sweet little boy.
211
00:20:59,842 --> 00:21:03,404
I tried hard,
212
00:21:04,681 --> 00:21:08,482
but catching someone's
eye line...
213
00:21:11,187 --> 00:21:14,988
is very difficult.
214
00:21:16,359 --> 00:21:21,093
When I point a camera at people,
215
00:21:21,464 --> 00:21:23,490
they all look away.
216
00:21:24,033 --> 00:21:27,435
I expected that.
217
00:21:30,139 --> 00:21:33,507
Pointing a camera and...
218
00:21:34,477 --> 00:21:39,006
taking a shot in front of them
was very scary.
219
00:21:40,383 --> 00:21:41,851
I was really scared.
220
00:21:47,056 --> 00:21:50,458
If they are far away,
it's easy.
221
00:21:52,061 --> 00:21:54,530
To get close within 1 meter...
222
00:21:56,899 --> 00:22:00,358
when I walk up to them or...
223
00:22:06,743 --> 00:22:09,611
when they walk down the steps,
224
00:22:14,917 --> 00:22:20,379
I feel this enormous pressure.
225
00:22:23,426 --> 00:22:27,887
When I took shots
at the bus stop,
226
00:22:29,098 --> 00:22:32,000
I was very scared.
227
00:23:10,306 --> 00:23:13,037
I walk slow and look pathetic.
228
00:23:14,977 --> 00:23:18,778
What's wrong with that?
229
00:23:20,049 --> 00:23:23,213
Walking on knees...
230
00:23:24,587 --> 00:23:27,682
doesn't liberate me from
not being able to walk.
231
00:23:29,258 --> 00:23:31,625
We're outsiders.
232
00:23:32,662 --> 00:23:34,563
We really are.
233
00:23:35,765 --> 00:23:37,791
We can never...
234
00:23:38,601 --> 00:23:42,971
be insiders.
235
00:23:44,841 --> 00:23:48,471
Those who think...
236
00:23:49,512 --> 00:23:53,415
they are insiders...
237
00:23:58,354 --> 00:24:00,482
may end up being...
238
00:24:01,524 --> 00:24:03,823
outsiders.
239
00:24:05,695 --> 00:24:11,601
Why don't they realize that?
240
00:24:12,535 --> 00:24:17,166
That's the point we're
trying to make.
241
00:24:17,707 --> 00:24:19,005
No dinner tonight?
242
00:24:19,475 --> 00:24:21,842
We should take tangerines home.
243
00:24:28,985 --> 00:24:30,009
That's a problem.
244
00:24:33,723 --> 00:24:35,191
You dropped it.
245
00:24:35,558 --> 00:24:36,787
You'll do better next time.
246
00:24:37,159 --> 00:24:40,288
- It tastes good.
- That's great.
247
00:24:40,663 --> 00:24:42,188
You're sharing it?
248
00:24:59,015 --> 00:25:01,541
Eating is the most fun.
249
00:25:03,586 --> 00:25:06,488
That's disgusting.
250
00:25:12,028 --> 00:25:13,553
That is scary.
251
00:25:27,710 --> 00:25:29,838
My stomach feels strange.
252
00:25:32,181 --> 00:25:33,740
I ate too much.
253
00:25:45,628 --> 00:25:47,927
They have fish, too.
254
00:25:48,297 --> 00:25:54,032
They have everything.
Tea, fish, fruits.
255
00:25:54,403 --> 00:25:56,770
Fish is no good these days.
256
00:26:00,142 --> 00:26:03,601
- Because of pollution.
- Yes, the pollution.
257
00:26:04,413 --> 00:26:07,713
Industrial sludge is a big problem.
258
00:26:23,833 --> 00:26:25,961
This one is sour.
259
00:26:41,584 --> 00:26:42,745
Sorry.
260
00:26:45,521 --> 00:26:48,650
You have to eat this one
in 40 minutes.
261
00:27:08,544 --> 00:27:09,842
Come over here.
262
00:27:20,389 --> 00:27:21,357
Go ahead.
263
00:27:23,325 --> 00:27:24,452
Eat up.
264
00:28:30,793 --> 00:28:34,889
I started smoking...
265
00:28:36,232 --> 00:28:38,758
when I was 16.
266
00:28:39,135 --> 00:28:45,439
I slept with a woman
when I was 18.
267
00:28:45,808 --> 00:28:48,539
It was then that I realized...
268
00:28:50,479 --> 00:28:52,778
I was a man.
269
00:28:55,484 --> 00:28:58,943
I went...
270
00:29:01,323 --> 00:29:08,457
to a red light district.
I went there.
271
00:29:12,334 --> 00:29:15,463
I kept going for four years.
272
00:29:15,838 --> 00:29:18,137
The first time I went,
273
00:29:19,341 --> 00:29:22,140
How can I put it?
274
00:29:24,013 --> 00:29:28,815
I didn't exactly...
275
00:29:29,852 --> 00:29:32,913
sleep with a woman.
276
00:29:34,690 --> 00:29:38,491
I must say that...
277
00:29:40,696 --> 00:29:45,157
I wasn't able to give them
pleasure at all.
278
00:29:49,538 --> 00:29:54,169
I just...
279
00:29:56,445 --> 00:29:59,938
satisfied myself.
280
00:30:03,886 --> 00:30:07,982
The second time,
281
00:30:14,730 --> 00:30:18,633
I slept...
282
00:30:19,068 --> 00:30:23,870
with a different woman.
283
00:30:24,907 --> 00:30:27,877
This woman...
284
00:30:29,078 --> 00:30:32,310
She was very good.
285
00:30:36,585 --> 00:30:37,814
And she...
286
00:30:38,187 --> 00:30:42,557
made me come with her sighs.
287
00:30:43,192 --> 00:30:47,391
That may be...
288
00:30:48,864 --> 00:30:50,332
because...
289
00:30:50,933 --> 00:30:54,062
I was handicapped.
290
00:30:57,673 --> 00:31:05,673
I've been told to speak
honestly about myself.
291
00:31:06,282 --> 00:31:11,744
I left the facility when I was 16.
292
00:31:12,454 --> 00:31:17,085
With a friend of mine...
293
00:31:19,762 --> 00:31:22,197
from work training program,
294
00:31:22,564 --> 00:31:26,695
I went to a red light district
and lost my virginity.
295
00:31:31,974 --> 00:31:35,934
I kept going there for a while.
296
00:31:36,312 --> 00:31:39,441
When I was twenty,
297
00:31:41,750 --> 00:31:46,450
I fell in love with a woman
who had polio.
298
00:31:47,423 --> 00:31:49,949
She got pregnant.
299
00:31:51,327 --> 00:31:56,561
But her family opposed
and we had to split.
300
00:31:57,166 --> 00:32:00,193
I attempted suicide.
301
00:32:01,437 --> 00:32:04,965
They still didn't want me
to marry her.
302
00:32:05,941 --> 00:32:07,307
Then...
303
00:32:08,177 --> 00:32:13,275
I had a big fight with my friend...
304
00:32:13,849 --> 00:32:15,875
over a woman who later
became my wife.
305
00:32:16,185 --> 00:32:19,314
I did act out of my own ego.
306
00:32:20,489 --> 00:32:24,984
It was a big fight.
307
00:32:25,361 --> 00:32:27,660
I fought as hard...
308
00:32:29,798 --> 00:32:36,500
as any man can.
309
00:32:39,541 --> 00:32:42,943
I felt...
310
00:32:44,713 --> 00:32:47,114
very strongly...
311
00:32:48,217 --> 00:32:55,021
about making her mine.
312
00:32:55,991 --> 00:32:58,358
I think it was...
313
00:32:59,828 --> 00:33:01,797
when I was fourteen.
314
00:33:02,731 --> 00:33:04,461
I had many brothers.
315
00:33:05,567 --> 00:33:07,866
They played a trick on me.
316
00:33:10,239 --> 00:33:12,538
From then on,
317
00:33:13,575 --> 00:33:15,874
I realized this feeling...
318
00:33:17,346 --> 00:33:23,217
that I want to sleep
with a woman.
319
00:33:23,752 --> 00:33:29,555
There was a cute girl...
320
00:33:30,092 --> 00:33:31,720
who lived nearby.
321
00:33:32,261 --> 00:33:35,163
I really wanted to have her.
322
00:33:35,931 --> 00:33:37,957
But she...
323
00:33:40,269 --> 00:33:44,172
totally avoided me.
324
00:33:46,442 --> 00:33:50,072
When I was sixteen,
325
00:33:52,114 --> 00:33:54,743
I joined a gang and...
326
00:33:55,284 --> 00:33:58,254
I raped a girl.
327
00:33:59,288 --> 00:34:01,416
That was the first time...
328
00:34:02,124 --> 00:34:08,086
I fulfilled my sexual desire.
329
00:34:09,164 --> 00:34:15,263
Later, I realized that
I shouldn't have.
330
00:34:18,307 --> 00:34:24,042
Because I suffer from CP...
331
00:34:25,981 --> 00:34:30,419
it never occurred to me...
332
00:34:30,986 --> 00:34:35,287
that I can fulfill my desire
with a normal woman...
333
00:34:36,792 --> 00:34:39,227
That's all I can say.
334
00:34:43,599 --> 00:34:46,467
Nothing more to say.
335
00:34:47,669 --> 00:34:48,796
Stop filming.
336
00:34:51,340 --> 00:34:54,799
I can't say anymore.
337
00:34:56,111 --> 00:34:59,809
I really can't.
338
00:35:00,782 --> 00:35:07,052
I was 28 when I slept
with a woman.
339
00:35:07,856 --> 00:35:10,917
It was much later than others.
340
00:35:11,860 --> 00:35:17,060
She was a year older.
341
00:35:20,869 --> 00:35:24,806
When we tried to do it,
342
00:35:25,641 --> 00:35:27,439
for some reason,
343
00:35:29,378 --> 00:35:32,678
I couldn't get it up.
344
00:35:33,215 --> 00:35:38,677
That's probably because...
345
00:35:41,590 --> 00:35:47,826
I suppressed it for
such a long time.
346
00:35:52,167 --> 00:35:56,366
We tried a few times.
347
00:35:59,908 --> 00:36:02,537
But it didn't work.
348
00:36:03,579 --> 00:36:06,879
I thought I wasn't a man.
349
00:36:09,251 --> 00:36:12,813
I thought I was impotent.
350
00:36:15,757 --> 00:36:18,386
I had no idea...
351
00:36:22,698 --> 00:36:26,135
how or where...
352
00:36:29,605 --> 00:36:32,006
to put it in.
353
00:36:32,708 --> 00:36:35,906
We tried a few more times.
354
00:36:39,948 --> 00:36:43,248
I started to get the hang of it.
355
00:36:43,885 --> 00:36:46,753
It finally worked.
356
00:36:48,790 --> 00:36:53,922
I thought I was OK.
357
00:36:57,899 --> 00:37:02,360
I asked the woman if
I was getting better.
358
00:37:04,139 --> 00:37:05,698
She said...
359
00:37:09,745 --> 00:37:12,271
I could do better.
360
00:37:14,549 --> 00:37:17,781
I was really disappointed.
361
00:37:20,322 --> 00:37:21,790
Really.
362
00:37:23,425 --> 00:37:24,950
For me...
363
00:37:25,827 --> 00:37:32,131
thinking about sex was taboo.
364
00:37:38,774 --> 00:37:42,302
Something I shouldn't think about.
365
00:37:45,180 --> 00:37:49,413
So I didn't dare.
366
00:37:52,020 --> 00:37:55,479
I was told I was not capable...
367
00:37:56,792 --> 00:37:59,159
and I can't get married.
368
00:37:59,528 --> 00:38:03,932
I can be in love with someone,
but no marriages.
369
00:38:04,800 --> 00:38:10,034
People think my body
is not capable...
370
00:38:10,806 --> 00:38:13,173
to have sex.
371
00:38:14,543 --> 00:38:17,172
That's what they think.
372
00:38:18,480 --> 00:38:21,006
My uncle is the same.
373
00:38:21,717 --> 00:38:24,277
When I fall in love,
374
00:38:25,053 --> 00:38:27,352
he tells me I can't.
375
00:38:32,294 --> 00:38:36,197
When I tell him I want
to get married,
376
00:38:37,899 --> 00:38:41,461
he tells me I can be in love,
but I can't get married.
377
00:38:42,838 --> 00:38:47,640
When I tell him I want kids,
378
00:38:49,177 --> 00:38:54,548
he tells me I can get married,
but I can't have kids.
379
00:38:58,253 --> 00:39:00,279
What is he thinking?
380
00:39:01,423 --> 00:39:06,384
I suppose he will tell me...
381
00:39:07,362 --> 00:39:15,362
I can have one kid, but not two.
382
00:39:21,610 --> 00:39:27,743
That's what healthy ones think.
383
00:39:29,117 --> 00:39:33,521
We have to show them that...
384
00:39:33,955 --> 00:39:36,584
we can get married and have kids.
385
00:39:38,126 --> 00:39:39,424
Even then,
386
00:39:40,729 --> 00:39:44,928
they will deny us...
387
00:39:48,637 --> 00:39:52,938
the next step.
388
00:39:54,142 --> 00:39:58,603
My uncle is not a bad person.
389
00:39:59,815 --> 00:40:03,718
He treated me very well.
390
00:40:05,153 --> 00:40:08,453
I'm grateful.
391
00:40:09,424 --> 00:40:16,524
But his behavior typifies the
way healthy ones look at us.
392
00:40:16,898 --> 00:40:19,129
Alcohol is like a friend to CP.
393
00:40:19,501 --> 00:40:23,962
It relaxes muscles and
makes talking easier.
394
00:40:46,695 --> 00:40:54,695
Who is looking upat the barren sky
395
00:41:00,876 --> 00:41:08,511
What impressed you sois now a ghost town
396
00:41:09,718 --> 00:41:12,620
After the love has been lost
397
00:41:26,234 --> 00:41:33,698
All that's leftis a song of farewell
398
00:41:38,246 --> 00:41:46,246
As you fly awayacross the galaxy
399
00:46:25,867 --> 00:46:30,828
I'm not saying that we should
forget about this film.
400
00:46:31,306 --> 00:46:32,672
I'm saying...
401
00:46:34,542 --> 00:46:36,170
my family...
402
00:46:37,879 --> 00:46:43,182
has a problem.
403
00:46:44,552 --> 00:46:49,513
I shall no longer...
404
00:46:51,059 --> 00:46:55,861
walk on my knees.
405
00:46:58,566 --> 00:47:02,298
I really shouldn't.
406
00:47:03,338 --> 00:47:05,034
No matter what.
407
00:47:09,010 --> 00:47:14,916
If we continue filming like that,
408
00:47:17,919 --> 00:47:20,548
my wife will divorce me.
409
00:47:22,423 --> 00:47:24,483
That's the situation.
410
00:47:25,593 --> 00:47:27,926
She said she will divorce you?
411
00:47:29,197 --> 00:47:31,063
It's not just a threat.
412
00:47:35,103 --> 00:47:36,731
She understands...
413
00:47:38,039 --> 00:47:43,910
what it's like to walk on knees.
414
00:47:47,115 --> 00:47:48,913
She knows...
415
00:47:50,118 --> 00:47:55,079
how miserable it is...
416
00:47:58,126 --> 00:48:00,254
to walk on knees.
417
00:48:04,632 --> 00:48:07,693
She feels miserable...
418
00:48:09,237 --> 00:48:14,107
when she sees me...
419
00:48:17,745 --> 00:48:20,840
walking on my knees.
420
00:48:54,982 --> 00:48:57,645
You're compromising yourself.
421
00:48:58,353 --> 00:49:02,154
How can you resign yourself...
422
00:49:04,859 --> 00:49:07,158
just like that so easily?
423
00:49:09,364 --> 00:49:12,926
You're the man in the family.
424
00:49:13,701 --> 00:49:19,163
You're the one to make rules.
425
00:49:19,874 --> 00:49:23,936
No need to listen to her.
426
00:49:25,213 --> 00:49:30,516
You're the head of the family,
or aren't you?
427
00:49:36,724 --> 00:49:38,192
I was being patient.
428
00:49:43,731 --> 00:49:46,066
If she wants to divorce you
like that so easily,
429
00:49:46,067 --> 00:49:48,969
you should never have married her.
430
00:49:49,504 --> 00:49:50,369
That's right.
431
00:49:50,738 --> 00:49:56,609
I'm sure they took the marriage
seriously and...
432
00:49:57,712 --> 00:50:01,615
it's not going to be that
easy to separate.
433
00:50:03,751 --> 00:50:08,655
We're telling Yokota all this.
434
00:50:09,757 --> 00:50:13,524
But we're convincing
ourselves, too.
435
00:50:17,098 --> 00:50:22,093
We have to consider his place
as well as ours.
436
00:50:28,109 --> 00:50:31,910
You want to abandon this
film project.
437
00:50:33,114 --> 00:50:35,845
But us the Green Lawn,
438
00:50:37,618 --> 00:50:39,849
talking about money again,
439
00:50:41,456 --> 00:50:46,417
we all put money in the film.
440
00:50:46,794 --> 00:50:49,923
But you want to quit for your
personal reasons.
441
00:50:51,799 --> 00:50:57,602
That is what I call...
442
00:50:58,306 --> 00:51:00,605
cheating.
443
00:51:11,819 --> 00:51:12,878
You bastard.
444
00:51:19,660 --> 00:51:20,719
It's the truth.
445
00:51:21,662 --> 00:51:25,895
Go ahead and hit me.
446
00:51:29,337 --> 00:51:30,361
I tried.
447
00:51:31,339 --> 00:51:34,798
I tried my best so far.
448
00:51:38,279 --> 00:51:41,647
We know you did.
449
00:51:45,853 --> 00:51:47,981
Will you please leave?
450
00:51:49,790 --> 00:51:51,816
Yoshiko, shut up.
451
00:51:53,361 --> 00:51:54,329
No one...
452
00:51:55,696 --> 00:51:58,256
can accuse me of cheating.
453
00:52:04,705 --> 00:52:06,833
I mean no one.
454
00:52:15,983 --> 00:52:19,681
How dare you in my house!
455
00:52:24,225 --> 00:52:25,352
This is too much.
456
00:52:26,394 --> 00:52:27,862
I'm calling someone.
457
00:52:34,402 --> 00:52:36,030
How dare you!
458
00:52:52,253 --> 00:52:53,448
How can you!
459
00:52:55,923 --> 00:52:57,721
Please calm down.
460
00:52:59,026 --> 00:53:00,790
This is unlawful entry.
461
00:53:03,731 --> 00:53:05,222
I'll get someone.
462
00:53:09,937 --> 00:53:12,839
How can you behave like this?
463
00:53:16,944 --> 00:53:18,242
Don't hit her.
464
00:53:19,447 --> 00:53:24,249
I don't want Hara
to see us like this.
465
00:53:30,458 --> 00:53:32,586
Let's talk this over.
466
00:53:32,960 --> 00:53:37,921
You went too far.
467
00:53:40,301 --> 00:53:42,600
Mom, you're bleeding.
468
00:53:50,244 --> 00:53:51,610
What do you want?
469
00:53:56,651 --> 00:53:58,381
You're not a woman.
470
00:54:00,087 --> 00:54:02,283
Let me ask you.
471
00:54:03,491 --> 00:54:05,619
I've been so patient.
472
00:54:08,162 --> 00:54:12,293
What about your own family?
473
00:54:12,667 --> 00:54:15,398
I didn't want to bring this up.
474
00:54:16,837 --> 00:54:20,467
How about you, Koyama?
475
00:54:21,442 --> 00:54:28,474
You want to break up a family
to continue this film?
476
00:54:28,849 --> 00:54:32,809
What we're asking...
477
00:54:33,187 --> 00:54:37,147
is why filming should interfere...
478
00:54:37,525 --> 00:54:41,485
with your family life.
479
00:54:57,044 --> 00:54:58,512
Please leave.
480
00:55:00,548 --> 00:55:01,846
Please.
481
00:55:06,053 --> 00:55:07,351
Go away.
482
00:55:41,922 --> 00:55:45,051
Dad, don't come in.
483
00:55:47,128 --> 00:55:49,154
Don't hit your father.
484
00:55:57,605 --> 00:56:00,404
Please call my sister.
485
00:56:45,319 --> 00:56:47,220
You in the middle should stand.
486
00:56:47,655 --> 00:56:51,057
Then another row.
487
00:56:58,432 --> 00:57:00,128
Please hurry.
488
00:57:04,605 --> 00:57:07,803
Over here.
Hurry up.
489
00:57:12,680 --> 00:57:14,945
Running out of time here.
490
00:57:25,860 --> 00:57:27,328
Come over here.
491
00:57:32,867 --> 00:57:35,666
Don't worry about the camera.
492
00:57:40,207 --> 00:57:41,175
Yes, stand over there.
493
00:57:42,643 --> 00:57:44,669
Step up here.
494
00:57:48,883 --> 00:57:49,851
Hurry.
495
00:57:55,389 --> 00:57:56,357
One more time.
496
00:58:33,761 --> 00:58:34,729
That's it.
497
00:58:47,508 --> 00:58:49,739
One hour free time.
498
00:58:56,216 --> 00:58:58,583
Before my child was born,
499
00:58:58,953 --> 00:59:03,186
we talked about if we want
a boy or a girl.
500
00:59:03,891 --> 00:59:06,417
I wanted a girl.
501
00:59:10,130 --> 00:59:12,599
I said I didn't really care.
502
00:59:13,133 --> 00:59:15,193
But I wanted a girl.
503
00:59:20,975 --> 00:59:25,743
Then, I imagined...
504
00:59:28,148 --> 00:59:29,878
my baby girl...
505
00:59:31,819 --> 00:59:34,618
growing up.
506
00:59:38,092 --> 00:59:42,792
But I didn't...
507
00:59:46,767 --> 00:59:50,135
picture her...
508
00:59:53,607 --> 00:59:54,151
with CP.
509
01:00:00,514 --> 01:00:02,745
I just pictured her...
510
01:00:04,752 --> 01:00:06,311
with long hair...
511
01:00:08,622 --> 01:00:10,318
and a mini skirt.
512
01:00:10,691 --> 01:00:12,785
An ordinary cute girl.
513
01:00:14,361 --> 01:00:18,662
That's how I imagined her.
514
01:00:21,135 --> 01:00:26,836
I just couldn't help it.
515
01:00:29,309 --> 01:00:33,337
What I imagined...
516
01:00:33,714 --> 01:00:37,276
was different from
what we advocate.
517
01:00:43,557 --> 01:00:46,356
Since I was a child,
518
01:00:47,728 --> 01:00:49,697
I was very shy.
519
01:00:53,400 --> 01:00:59,203
I was always scared
of being looked at...
520
01:01:00,340 --> 01:01:02,707
on the streets.
521
01:01:09,917 --> 01:01:13,979
When I felt that I was
being watched,
522
01:01:15,756 --> 01:01:18,385
my body got really tense.
523
01:01:20,094 --> 01:01:23,030
It made walking very difficult.
524
01:01:30,771 --> 01:01:32,399
I developed a phobia
525
01:01:37,044 --> 01:01:40,173
toward normal people.
526
01:01:44,384 --> 01:01:46,853
Everything we do,
527
01:01:47,788 --> 01:01:50,087
we had to be assisted.
528
01:01:51,692 --> 01:01:54,355
We can only be passive.
529
01:01:58,799 --> 01:02:01,394
People ask us questions,
530
01:02:03,637 --> 01:02:06,106
and take pictures of us.
531
01:02:12,079 --> 01:02:15,777
We hardly do anything
ourselves.
532
01:02:16,984 --> 01:02:18,953
I didn't want that.
533
01:02:24,258 --> 01:02:25,624
I thought about...
534
01:02:29,329 --> 01:02:33,790
what I can do.
535
01:02:35,669 --> 01:02:37,399
I wanted to reverse roles.
536
01:02:46,113 --> 01:02:53,043
When I was with Hara, he always
took pictures of me.
537
01:02:55,189 --> 01:02:56,316
Damn him.
538
01:02:56,857 --> 01:02:58,485
Why can't I do that?
539
01:02:58,859 --> 01:03:06,323
Why can't I be the photographer?
540
01:03:07,301 --> 01:03:09,497
So I started taking pictures myself.
541
01:03:18,612 --> 01:03:21,844
The reasons why I take pictures...
542
01:03:25,552 --> 01:03:29,853
stems from the fact...
543
01:03:32,459 --> 01:03:35,623
that I have CP.
544
01:03:36,563 --> 01:03:39,658
But I don't know how...
545
01:03:40,534 --> 01:03:43,561
that relationship has anything
to do with problems of CP.
546
01:03:44,037 --> 01:03:46,529
I don't really care.
547
01:03:49,910 --> 01:03:53,540
This is about my feelings.
548
01:03:57,084 --> 01:04:00,213
I used to try to hide myself...
549
01:04:03,690 --> 01:04:08,390
on the train or on the bus.
550
01:04:09,263 --> 01:04:13,496
I didn't want to be
seen by the public.
551
01:04:16,870 --> 01:04:19,669
The more I tried,
552
01:04:20,607 --> 01:04:24,669
I felt even more exposed.
553
01:04:26,213 --> 01:04:28,011
But having a camera...
554
01:04:31,451 --> 01:04:34,421
I may be exaggerating...
555
01:04:34,655 --> 01:04:36,681
changed my world.
556
01:04:38,458 --> 01:04:43,761
But being behind the camera
is not so easy.
557
01:04:46,300 --> 01:04:48,860
No matter how hard I try,
558
01:04:49,136 --> 01:04:52,766
it doesn't get easy.
559
01:04:55,342 --> 01:04:59,575
It's much more difficult...
560
01:04:59,913 --> 01:05:04,851
than I first expected it to be.
561
01:05:10,557 --> 01:05:13,288
The first time, I was so scared.
562
01:05:18,265 --> 01:05:22,635
My legs were shaking.
My hands, too.
563
01:05:25,605 --> 01:05:30,634
I haven't drunk a drop
of water since last night.
564
01:05:32,612 --> 01:05:38,313
I didn't want to have to
go to the bathroom.
565
01:06:16,323 --> 01:06:23,526
That's what I always do when
I know I have to go out.
566
01:06:26,333 --> 01:06:27,213
How much do you weigh?
567
01:06:28,168 --> 01:06:29,693
Under 40 kg.
568
01:06:33,907 --> 01:06:39,710
Just like that anorexic actress.
569
01:06:46,186 --> 01:06:47,677
Your glasses are all scratched.
570
01:06:49,089 --> 01:06:52,150
I drop them too often.
571
01:06:58,131 --> 01:07:00,532
The lenses are really thick.
572
01:07:01,535 --> 01:07:03,163
You can't see anything
without them?
573
01:07:12,212 --> 01:07:14,511
Can you recognize me?
574
01:07:15,449 --> 01:07:16,576
Not at all.
575
01:07:57,491 --> 01:08:02,862
You say people don't
understand what you say.
576
01:08:04,865 --> 01:08:05,958
You really think so?
577
01:08:07,434 --> 01:08:10,598
How can they?
578
01:08:12,839 --> 01:08:18,278
So you'll be doing this
just to satisfy yourself?
579
01:08:19,179 --> 01:08:21,910
No, that's not it.
580
01:08:22,949 --> 01:08:30,755
I think they will understand
something...
581
01:08:32,092 --> 01:08:36,257
even if they don't understand
every single word.
582
01:08:36,630 --> 01:08:37,598
How's that?
583
01:08:38,198 --> 01:08:41,225
They'll wonder what I'm doing.
584
01:08:42,802 --> 01:08:46,261
You don't want them to know
you're reciting your poems.
585
01:08:46,706 --> 01:08:51,269
Well, if they're really listening,
586
01:08:51,545 --> 01:08:53,173
they'll understand.
587
01:08:54,147 --> 01:08:55,206
You think so?
588
01:08:56,783 --> 01:08:58,979
So we don't need to set up?
589
01:09:02,956 --> 01:09:06,916
Should we make a sign that
says Poem Reading?
590
01:09:10,830 --> 01:09:11,957
No need?
591
01:09:16,903 --> 01:09:20,965
Yokota Hiroshi Poem Reading...
592
01:09:24,344 --> 01:09:26,210
Meeting?
593
01:09:27,480 --> 01:09:29,346
Poem Reading Meeting?
594
01:09:29,749 --> 01:09:33,379
I guess not a meeting.
595
01:09:38,425 --> 01:09:42,123
Yokota Hiroshi Reads Poems.
596
01:09:48,001 --> 01:09:49,799
Shinjuku Station
597
01:13:57,684 --> 01:14:01,143
He's going to read poems.
598
01:14:02,856 --> 01:14:06,054
He's reading poems.
599
01:14:08,127 --> 01:14:12,861
Everyone, he is a poet and is going
to read his poems.
600
01:14:14,300 --> 01:14:17,998
Please everyone listen.
601
01:14:34,821 --> 01:14:37,791
"Poem"
602
01:14:41,895 --> 01:14:44,865
"Hiroshi"
603
01:15:12,759 --> 01:15:15,729
"Yokota"
604
01:15:21,334 --> 01:15:26,238
Please listen to my poem.
605
01:15:33,846 --> 01:15:38,250
It's called Legs.
606
01:15:45,458 --> 01:15:50,692
You who stand there
all around me
607
01:15:55,802 --> 01:16:00,263
You have legs on which to stand
608
01:16:01,808 --> 01:16:03,106
You...
609
01:16:06,946 --> 01:16:13,785
You forbid me to walk
610
01:16:15,321 --> 01:16:18,621
That is how...
611
01:16:20,259 --> 01:16:22,956
you keep your legs
612
01:16:30,103 --> 01:16:31,901
All the people around me
613
01:16:33,840 --> 01:16:35,809
All the legs surrounding me
614
01:16:44,283 --> 01:16:45,478
You
615
01:16:49,122 --> 01:16:51,489
for what reasons
616
01:16:54,961 --> 01:16:59,763
forbid me to walk?
617
01:17:00,600 --> 01:17:01,727
Who is in charge here?
618
01:17:05,938 --> 01:17:07,429
Who is it?
619
01:17:12,211 --> 01:17:14,510
Sure. OK. Fine.
620
01:17:15,048 --> 01:17:16,175
What are you doing?
621
01:17:16,549 --> 01:17:17,517
I'm recording.
622
01:17:18,651 --> 01:17:19,619
Recording what?
623
01:17:20,620 --> 01:17:22,350
You're bothering people.
624
01:17:24,223 --> 01:17:28,354
This is a freak show.
Please stop.
625
01:18:22,949 --> 01:18:26,579
We set out to make this film...
626
01:18:28,955 --> 01:18:31,424
to show that we can't
do anything.
627
01:18:32,492 --> 01:18:34,927
But I was hoping...
628
01:18:35,895 --> 01:18:37,591
I could do something...
629
01:18:40,133 --> 01:18:43,365
to make a different...
630
01:18:44,237 --> 01:18:48,868
kind of film.
631
01:18:50,009 --> 01:18:51,204
That was...
632
01:18:52,411 --> 01:18:54,277
what I...
633
01:18:56,983 --> 01:19:02,718
what I thought.
634
01:19:08,594 --> 01:19:12,258
But while we went through...
635
01:19:14,167 --> 01:19:16,796
the process of making the film,
636
01:19:19,939 --> 01:19:21,237
my hopes...
637
01:19:22,775 --> 01:19:28,237
were completely shattered.
638
01:19:35,955 --> 01:19:37,321
How can I say?
639
01:19:39,192 --> 01:19:40,922
After all...
640
01:19:45,932 --> 01:19:47,833
in many levels...
641
01:19:49,302 --> 01:19:51,168
I require...
642
01:19:52,138 --> 01:19:54,607
some form of protection.
643
01:19:56,242 --> 01:20:01,510
That's the only way...
644
01:20:03,382 --> 01:20:07,012
I can survive.
645
01:20:09,222 --> 01:20:14,627
I could never be on my own.
646
01:20:20,032 --> 01:20:21,967
In that sense,
647
01:20:25,671 --> 01:20:31,372
that realization made me feel...
648
01:20:32,578 --> 01:20:34,979
totally empty.
649
01:20:39,585 --> 01:20:41,645
To be honest,
650
01:20:44,690 --> 01:20:46,556
I'm not sure...
651
01:20:49,762 --> 01:20:52,561
how I can move on.
652
01:20:55,101 --> 01:21:01,530
That's how I feel.
653
01:22:29,528 --> 01:22:32,498
Produced by Shisso Production
654
01:22:32,865 --> 01:22:35,835
With the cooperation of
The Green Lawn and
655
01:22:36,202 --> 01:22:39,172
Japan CP Association
656
01:22:41,040 --> 01:22:44,340
Directed and photographed by
Kazuo Hara
657
01:22:44,710 --> 01:22:48,010
Produced by
Sachiko Kobayashi
40538
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