All language subtitles for Dead.Hot.S01E04

Are y'all ready to get Cross'd?

Yeah!

Are y'all ready to pummel
the shit out of those bags

and get fucking drunk after?

Yeah!

Then let's get fucking Cross'd.

My name is Pauly P,

and now it's time to get Cross'd!

- Y'all ready for this?
- Yeah!

Let's go, Crossies.

Let's get our bi-sexies throbbing
and asses pumping

with a classic juicer sequence.

- One, two, one, squat.
- One, two, one, squat!

Okay, let's get our tits popping. On me.

Six, five, six. Yeah!

Six, five, six.

Yeah!

Elliot?

Hey! Hey!

Fucking door! Come on!

Hey!

Fuck.

Can you just stop with all this already?
I know you're in here.

You know, I was scared for you.

Yeah, I thought you'd been
kidnapped or murdered.

Cared about you.

But then I find out from Tim...

Yeah, Tim.

The same Tim who you fucked
and also blew off,

that you'd been targeting me for months.

You seduced me

and literally fucked off
in the most traumatic way possible,

and what, you've just been here
this whole time, popping your tits...

- I'm sorry.
- Okay.

I'm gonna need a little bit more
than that, though.

Do not trust Jessica.

What?

What is wrong with you?

Elliot!

What did you tell Elliot?
What the fuck did you tell Elliot?

Who the fuck are you?

You did it to spite me!

You're a disgusting freak.
Do you know that?

- Fuck you.
- No, fuck you!

- Don't move! I'm calling the police.
- On what? Yourself?

Do you even have a licence
to use that thing?

It's a muscle stimulator.
So it's actually good for you.

- You absolute moron.
- You are the absolute moron.

You just let the guy
who killed my friend run away.

Help me! He sprayed deodorant in my eyes!

Someone help me!

- Sounds super killed.
- Fuck.

Elliot, I'll meet you at home.

Help me, please. No, get off me!

Mess with one Crossy,
you mess with all of us.

No.

- Isn't that right, fam?
- Yeah!

That Crossy's a psychopath.
He's trying to ruin my life!

Wait! Wait! I can't see anything.

Just tell me who he is, please.

I need to know!

Jess?

Wait. You still have my phone.
What is wrong with you?

Look at that smiley.

I'm not an idiot, Elliot.

Do not trust Jessica.

Shit.

- I thought you were calling.
- I can't stay long.

Tina, what is all this?

Why are you dressed like you've
come from the Forbidden Forest?

Is that human?

Do you know the hot American guy that
works at the boxing gym across the road?

Pauly P, or Will, sometimes.

- No.
- He took Elliot to this bar.

Jess, really, I have no clue
who you're talking about.

- Did he do that?
- Yeah.

Come on. I need to talk to you alone.

Nico, this is your Aunty Jess.

Hello.

Hi, Nico.

I'm an aunty?

So happy to meet you.

So I'll see you later then?

My name is Pauly P.

What the fuck?

Ow!

What?

What?

What the actual fuck?

When you left last night,
someone set fire to the house.

Oh, my God. Who would do this?

- Whoever killed my dad.
- Well, who did that?

The Megargees, my family, are messed up.
Like, scary messed up.

Yeah, but why would they
go after you and your dad?

You are Megargees.

It's so much, Jess.

Tina, what kind of stuff
is your family involved in?

I know how annoying this is,

but I've already said way more
about it than I should.

Just us talking about it
puts you in danger.

Please don't shut me out right now.
If you're in trouble, I wanna help.

I'm here to say goodbye, Jess.

What? Like, goodbye, goodbye?

- Real?
- Yeah.

After my dad's funeral tomorrow,
Nico and I are leaving. Like, forever.

I wanted to tell you face-to-face.
You didn't think it was another...

- Yeah.
- Yeah.

Okay. Where would you go?

Ireland.

- Yeah.
- Okay.

I really don't want you to leave.
We only just found each other.

I mean, you could come with us.
I've got money.

But what about Elliot?
I mean, I couldn't just leave him.

That would be...
Yeah, no, I just couldn't.

Wait. Tina, if you think your family
had something to do with

that fire and your dad...

I mean, I don't mean to be, like,
you can't go to your own dad's funeral.

But you literally cannot
go to that funeral.

Like, yeah, I get what you're saying.

I know, but you have a kid. Look at Nico.

Putting yourself in danger
is putting him in danger as well.

Why don't you guys just
come and stay with me tonight?

I'm a model.

Jesus, what the fucking God?

I can explain. Don't worry. Don't worry.

Elliot, it's okay. She's like a dog.

Where the fudge were you?

- What the... What's going on?
- Hi. Sorry.

What the actual fuck, Jess?

They need a place to stay.
The house burnt down.

You left me alone all night,
with no way of contacting you.

Like, how did I know
you hadn't been killed?

I tried shouting to meet me at home.

- Fuck off. You tried?
- I'm sorry.

And you've changed your password.
Why did you do that? What can't I see?

Why are you trying to
hack into my phone, Elly?

- Because you disappeared.
- Okay, I'm sorry. I really am.

But did you hear what I said
about the fire? She needed me.

I needed you.

I was nearly blinded
by the boy I had visions of marrying.

Yeah. And you know what that boy did
after he nearly blinded you?

He literally drew blood,
and then he stole my hat.

I absolutely had your back in there.
I didn't leave until I knew you were okay.

Okay, and at what point was I okay?

No. You're right.
I shouldn't have left you. I'm sorry.

I just... I had to meet her.

She texted me earlier, so I had to go.

Just felt like the only chance
I was gonna have.

I know how you feel, but I just
couldn't lose another sibling, Elly.

Really, I still have a hotel booked.

No, no. No, no. Stop.
That wasn't about you.

- I could hear that whole thing.
- Sorry. I feel for him.

He's barely even looked at another guy
since my brother, so...

Even though the guy that he has looked at
is a guy who bites people.

It's, like, the significance of it,
you know, being the first one since Peter.

That's gotta be so hard for him to have

this perfect relationship with Peter
and it end.

It wasn't perfect.

Yeah.

Pass it to me.

Not in my face. Nico, okay.

Yeah. Okay.

Just stay here, right?
I'll be right back to say goodbye.

Yeah, we'll be fine.

And then maybe I can
take you guys to the ferry?

And please, don't go to the funeral.

I won't. I promise.

Sorry I couldn't find cover,
but my shift ends at 1:00.

You're going to work?

Well, yeah,
we don't all have a rich grandma

to pay our rent if we get fired, so...

Sorry for crashing.
We'll be gone as soon as Jess is back.

No, no, please. It's fine.

So you're her sister?

Yeah. Still feels crazy to say.

How did you figure it out?

- That she was my sister?
- Yeah.

Well, the app said it.

Did it say it, though?

No, it's just...

I mean, it's like
a crazy coincidence, isn't it?

Like, you two finding each other

just as all this other stuff
with her missing brother pops up.

Peter, right?

Don't act like
you don't remember his name.

Elliot, I don't know what to say.
I just wanna get along with you.

Look, Christina.

I don't care that you're a mum,

and to be honest,
don't care that your house burnt down.

Because I know you didn't
just show up here out of nowhere

to get along with me.

I see through all your shit,
and Jess will too, soon enough.

'Cause you're not that good at hiding it.

Come on, Nico.
Let's go and play in Aunty Jess' room.

Can I keep him? I really love him.

Yes. Fine.

- You can come out.
- I can't. The door's locked.

Nico, get your mum to unlock the door.
Tina, why did you lock the door?

Nico, where's Mummy?

In the loo.

Nico, try opening the door.

Christina. Christina!

Can you open the door, please?

Shit.

Here. Margarita mix.
It's like lemonade but with limes.

Got lemonade for you.

- Do you have games on your phone?
- No, no, no.

Just play with the horse or something.

The baby was born
with an extra lung, actually.

That's terrible. Really. Sorry.

What? I'm at work.

You have to keep your phone
on you at all times now, okay?

- Do you get that?
- Elliot, what is going on?

Tina is fucking gone, okay?

I'm just raising this kid on my own, Jess.
She just left him.

No, there's no way she'd just leave
like that without saying anything.

That's exactly what she did.
Why would I lie?

- She's fucking dodgy as fuck.
- Watch Nico. I'll call you soon.

Get out! Go! Go!
Take that all. I don't care.

- She's joking.
- She's the joke.

Exactly, Nico. That's exactly it.

Nico, how would you feel
about going to a party?

So, today you are here
to tend to my every fantasy.

You are not people but horses.

I am not a woman but a fairy foal,

celebrating my ascent
from pony princess to queen.

Do your smooth little brains get that?

Don't do that again.

And if any of you say to anyone

that these straws look like human dicks,

you remember to say,
"No, they are stallion dicks."

Because in this fantasy I am a horse,

so my fiancé is a horse,
with a horse dick.

If any of you have a problem with that,

I will have you cancelled
for kink shaming,

and you'll never work another day
in your sad baby lives.

The ceremony's about to start.

I know.

- I was just using the loo.
- There's toilets at the church.

Okay. Well, I wanted the privacy.
What does it matter to you?

You came.

He's our dad, Danny.

Was. Poor Daddy.

We still haven't found the candle spike.

You know, the weapon
used to murder our father.

- Okay.
- Went by your place last night.

You weren't there.
Thought you'd burnt to a crisp.

Crazy luck, how you got out.

You and Nico and that ugly little horse.

We'll talk about it later.

Don't wanna keep you from Daddy's funeral.

It's perfect!

- Baby genius!
- It's my horse.

- It's my party.
- Bonnie, it's his.

- I didn't get you a gift.
- Then why are you even here?

Nico, go get yourself a biscuit.

Honeysuckle, can you
take the horse, please?

- Darling.
- Come here.

Now, I know it's supposed
to be just the girls,

but I figured you could use the company.

Home-schooling was a mistake.
She needed bullying.

I know.
My heart shatters for you, Grandma.

I mean, to have your own kid
turn out this way.

- I know.
- It's very dark.

- Yes, he'll have a pinot grigio.
- No, Grandma, that's not a waiter.

Grandma, this is the kid I'm babysitting.

Yeah, I quit Le Barkbark.
I don't know if Janelle told you.

- No.
- It just wasn't the right fit for me.

I see.

Actually, Grandma, well,
part of the reason I'm here

is because I heard that
Piana is gonna be here.

Oh, darling. Did you like her?

Really liked her, yeah.

Do you love him?

- Why are you here?
- 'Cause I knew you'd be here.

- You promised me you wouldn't come.
- I needed to get money.

Elliot said that you abandoned Nico.

What? I never abandoned Nico.
Elliot said he'd watch him.

Well, did you get the money? Can we go?

No, I didn't. I got it all ready,
and then my sociopath brother came,

and he basically admitted
to burning down my cottage.

And he made me come here
and I had to hide all the cash.

And now I'm fucked,

'cause I can't run without it
and I can't go back or he'll see.

- Tina, what should I do?
- No, Jess, it's too dangerous.

- Tina.
- He will legit kill you.

Just shut up and tell me what to do.

Hi. I'm the maid.

So where are your maid clothes?

It's 2024.
We don't really do that any more.

What's that bag?

Cleaning supplies.

Hey! Come here!

Officer. Officer.
They're trying to kill me with knives!

Jess, no! This way!

Go, go, go, go, go, go, go!

Shit!

Holy shit!

That guy back there,
he's a police officer.

- He's my brother.
- That's your brother?

Move, Jess!

Knobheads.

Elliot, she's here.

Leave the child. I'll look after him.

Penny Tucker,
will you look after this child?

- Of course, my lady.
- Please can I play games on your phone?

- Elliot, give him your phone.
- Okay.

Here. Here. Take this one.

Piana awaits.

Yes. Okay. Okay.

Follow me.

I need information on your
Cross'd instructor. Yeah? Pauly P?

Just anything you know about him
might be able to help me.

Well, he's gay, so you don't
have to act all jealous about it.

Yes, I know that, Piana,
because we went out and we kissed,

and we did all sorts of stuff
because I am gay

and not interested in you. Okay?

Look, the only reason I'm here,
the only reason I need to speak with you,

is because that man fucked with me. Okay?

And I just need to figure out why.

'Cause I think he still likes me,
and I still kind of like him,

but I just need to figure out
why he's done all of this

and if he killed Peter, who...

Wait.

Peter, like the boy's name?

- Yeah. Peter, my ex.
- Oh, my God.

I thought he was saying "Pitta",
like pitta bread.

What are you talking about?

So, a few weeks ago after class,

I heard Pauly P yelling.

He was going mad, going on, like,
"Peter! Peter! Do you have Peter?"

Peter! Fucking Peter! Peter!

And that's literally all I know.

He's gay. He grew me an arse.

And he was once yelling on the phone
to someone about "Pitta", or Peter.

- Are you lying to me?
- I have no reason to lie. Unlike you.

"I'm gay. I only like boys." Shut up.

Just admit you want to bone me, Elliot.

Elliot?

Nico?

- Nico?
- Elliot?

What? Oh, my God. Oh, my God. Oh, my God.

Where are they? Where are they?
Where are they? Where are they?

I don't know. They're probably fine.

- Oh, my God.
- It's fine. They'll be fine.

Okay, I don't know where they are,
or why he's not answering.

Call Elliot.

- Wait, Tina. Tina.
- What?

Oh, my God. Nico, are you okay?
Is Elliot with you?

- Where is he? Where is my baby?
- Here's your juice, Mr Nico.

- Who is that? Is that a kidnapper?
- I have no clue who that is.

Is that a penis straw?

Look. Fire.

Nico, what are you doing?

No, get the horse.
It's home time. Come on.

Shit. Come on. Come on.

Here she comes, Nico. Here's comes Mummy.

Hi.

You took a five-year-old
to your pervert aunt's hen do?

Sorry? You're mad at me right now?
She fucking abandoned her kid with me.

A stranger. She's nuts.

Well, she swore up and down
that she asked you,

and you promised to take care of them.

What? You can't believe her.
She's lying. Just tell her.

He was playing in open flames.

- Jessica...
- He was drinking out of a penis.

Shut up. She's lying, okay?

She left the kid with me
and she didn't say a fucking word.

- How are you believing her right now?
- Just stop it, Elliot.

I'm so upset with you right now.

What, you're upset with me?
I'm upset with you.

I just found out that Will was
on the phone talking about Peter.

Will, Will the Cannibal. That Will?

- We are still talking about him?
- Yes, we're still talking about him.

Did you not just hear what I said?

Will was talking about Peter
on the phone. Our Peter.

But all you care about
is your shiny new sibling.

- Do you even care about the old one?
- Of course I care.

- How could you say that?
- You do care.

I'm literally being targeted, Jess.

My life is literally hell right now,

and you've chosen
this fucking scam artist over me.

Your life is hell?

You went on one date, with a fucking freak
who doesn't wanna date you.

Just get the fuck over it.

You know that that's not
what I'm talking about.

Peter is my actual twin brother.

And you act like this has
only ever happened to you.

At least Tina cares about
what I might be feeling.

God, do you even know

how to give a fuck about something
other than yourself?

You're pathetic. You're totally pathetic.

What, just 'cause your mum
wasn't there for you,

doesn't mean that you should let

strangers off the street
walk all over you, Jess.

- Shut the fuck up, Elliot.
- Peter spoke about it too, you know.

Yeah, how fake you are with everyone.

How he felt sorry for you,
'cause you never knew how to be yourself.

All you do is try to make
other people like you.

You know what Peter said about you?

He said you were selfish
and he said you were shallow,

and he was gonna break up
with you over it.

- That's not true.
- I'm not lying, Elliot.

He was gonna break up with you,
but then he just went missing instead.

Stop.

And if it wasn't for the finger and
the fact he left without saying goodbye,

I would really have thought
it was just to get away from you.

Fuck you.

I'm gonna go away with Tina for a while.

You won't be hearing from me.

Is everything all right, Jessica?

No, but it's fine.

I'm gonna come with you to Ireland.

- Why did you leave that note?
- Won't you sit?

Why'd you use that weird voice in the gym?

This one?

Just 'cause it fit the gym vibe.

- And what's your real name?
- Andrew.

Andrew. So it's not Will,
or Fallon, or Pauly P, or...

Fallon?

No, Elliot.

- You need to understand. I'm an actor.
- What does that mean?

Those accounts...

For my dissertation,

I did a version of 12 Angry Men,
but, like, it was a one-man show.

So I played all the men.

And I had this whole
4D social media element to it.

- And I rented a green screen...
- But one of them was Will, so...

Yeah. He was the artsy one.
I still use him for character work.

Character work? What...

I'm an actor.

I was hired to go out with you.

- Why?
- I don't know.

But that doesn't mean I didn't like you.

- Who hired you?
- Some guy on Job Haven.

I wasn't booking any roles.
I got working at that gym.

Then I hear on this podcast
about this super successful actor

who got his first gig through Job Haven.

So I signed up, like, right away.

And I saw what looked
like the perfect listing,

with life-changing money behind it.

I got the part.

No audition or anything. I was so hyped.
And then I get my assignment.

The job was to seduce you
enough into kissing me.

I knew from your story
that you hung out at this club a lot.

So I rented a flat nearby
and planned to stage a run-in.

But before that,
I needed more information,

so I could approach you as your dream man,

and really nail this role.

So I adopted my sexiest persona
and I got to work.

And, like, if you know, as actors,

we all have our techniques,
and I'm hardcore Method.

Of course, the first thing
I done was look you up.

So I knew about the Peter of it all,

and I knew he was the key
to knowing your core.

I had to really put myself there,

really feel that extreme grief
you experienced.

I became obsessed
with knowing more about you.

I tried everything. Stalking your page.

The apps. Which did not work.

So I realised, you know what?

You just need to meet him and go for it.

Be yourself, just a little different.

So I ran into you,
and you were incredible.

I needed to see you again.

I was not ready to say goodbye.
So that's why I left the club.

- And that's why you didn't kiss me?
- Yeah.

Because the full job was,
once I got you to kiss me,

I never see you again,
or Brutaliser will send someone after me.

- Who the hell's the Brutaliser?
- Yeah, I don't know.

But someone willing to drop 50K
on something like this,

there is no way that money is clean.

And, like, his name is the Brutaliser.

And now you know that,

I need you to know this.

I haven't stopped thinking about you.

Not for a second.

When you showed up in class,
it felt like fate.

So I shot my shot, and here we are,
and I wanna be with you, Elliot.

I mean, how can I even begin to trust you
after everything you've done?

Because you know me.

That was the most
amazing part of our date.

Being myself felt perfect for you
because you felt perfect for me.

No, no. You're crazy.

- And you're not?
- And what about Piana?

She said you were on the phone
screaming about Peter.

I actually have no clue
what you're talking about.

Piana. She goes to your gym class.
You grew her an arse.

She said she heard you after class
screaming about Peter.

Peter! Fucking Peter!

No, yeah.
Yeah, I was screaming about pitta.

Pitta! Pitta!

The shawarma guy forgot it in my order
and I, like, needed the carbs.

Fucking pitta!

What?

All that's whatever now.

Fuck the Brutaliser. I don't care.

Elliot, could we start over and do this?

Night, Jess.

We still haven't found the candle spike.
The weapon used to murder our father.

What are you talking about?

What do you mean, what am I talking about?
You're definitely crazier than me.

I don't think that's true.
You break into places.

What? Babes, you are literally
wearing my roommate's hat

that you stole off of her
after you bit her.

Because she tackled me.
And she stole the hat first at the club.

What? No.

She did. Off of Rando's head
at the club. I saw everything.

And you left a fake cake finger
for me to find.

- Okay.
- Why did you do that?

- Okay, okay, but there's a reason why.
- Okay. So what was it?

'Cause that was extremely fucked up.

- And what about the cat thing?
- Cat thing?

And why did you spray me
if you like me so much?

And why did you tell me not to trust Jess?

- Because she's evil.
- Evil?

That's a bit dramatic.
Why are you saying that?

Because she is.
Listen. Let me explain. Jessica...

This can't be happening!

I think my friend's dead!

Please, someone help me! Please!

Help me, please!

Help me, please!