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1
00:00:03,044 --> 00:00:05,588
♪ The Simpsons ♪
2
00:00:14,431 --> 00:00:15,724
D'
3
00:00:15,807 --> 00:00:16,807
Aah!
4
00:00:36,786 --> 00:00:39,456
Please, Krusty,
this is very demeaning.
5
00:00:39,539 --> 00:00:41,416
Shut up and conduct!
6
00:01:02,645 --> 00:01:06,024
Maggie, can you point
to the monkey?
7
00:01:06,107 --> 00:01:08,026
What do babies know?
8
00:01:08,109 --> 00:01:10,278
Maggie, can you point
to the credenza?
9
00:01:11,946 --> 00:01:14,074
- D'
- Homer, you didn't do
10
00:01:14,157 --> 00:01:16,159
a very good job frosting
Maggie's birthday cake.
11
00:01:16,242 --> 00:01:20,163
What? It's not
"Magaggie's" birthday?
12
00:01:24,918 --> 00:01:26,795
Hey! Hey! Hey! Hey!
Stop it!
13
00:01:26,878 --> 00:01:28,630
I made a special cake
for you to ruin.
14
00:01:28,713 --> 00:01:31,299
- It's over there.
- Ooh.
15
00:01:35,553 --> 00:01:38,056
Hello, everyone, except Homer.
16
00:01:38,139 --> 00:01:41,142
Happy birthday, granddaughter.
17
00:01:41,226 --> 00:01:44,187
Marge, I think that's your
father-in-law across the street.
18
00:01:45,814 --> 00:01:49,526
Happy birthday!
19
00:01:49,609 --> 00:01:51,653
Everybody get ready.
20
00:01:51,736 --> 00:01:53,738
Here comes the birthday girl
21
00:01:53,822 --> 00:01:56,825
in her very first dress.
22
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Aww!
23
00:01:58,159 --> 00:02:00,411
She's a little angel.
24
00:02:00,495 --> 00:02:04,374
Yeah. I wanna put a hook in her
and hang her from our Christmas tree.
25
00:02:04,457 --> 00:02:06,876
What smells?
26
00:02:11,881 --> 00:02:14,401
Shouldn't we wait for the other babies
before we open the presents?
27
00:02:14,425 --> 00:02:16,052
We didn't invite
the other babies.
28
00:02:16,136 --> 00:02:18,513
Maggie doesn't seem to get
along with the other babies.
29
00:02:24,519 --> 00:02:27,939
Maggie, we have
a surprise for you!
30
00:02:37,615 --> 00:02:42,287
Ooh, put some Lister's Carbolic Unguent
on a wad of cotton.
31
00:02:42,370 --> 00:02:43,830
Put the cotton in her ear.
32
00:02:43,913 --> 00:02:45,165
That'll stop them shakes.
33
00:02:45,248 --> 00:02:48,585
No, no. What she needs
is a Balsam Specific.
34
00:02:48,668 --> 00:02:50,128
Balsam Specific!
35
00:02:50,211 --> 00:02:52,380
Oof... While we're burning money,
36
00:02:52,463 --> 00:02:55,425
why don't we give her a curative
galvanic belt too?
37
00:02:55,508 --> 00:02:58,178
Don't forget
to give her Smeckler's powder.
38
00:02:58,261 --> 00:02:59,512
Don't make fun.
39
00:03:02,974 --> 00:03:05,602
I remember Lisa's
third birthday.
40
00:03:05,685 --> 00:03:09,189
She and Bart did this adorable
little song and dance routine.
41
00:03:10,899 --> 00:03:12,817
That was a real horn-honker!
42
00:03:12,901 --> 00:03:15,278
Let's see it.
43
00:03:15,361 --> 00:03:17,822
Now! Do it!
44
00:03:19,240 --> 00:03:20,240
Do it!
45
00:03:22,911 --> 00:03:25,955
♪ Hot dogs,
Armour hot dogs ♪
46
00:03:26,039 --> 00:03:27,540
Sing it like you mean it!
47
00:03:27,624 --> 00:03:30,793
♪ What kinds of kids
eat Armour hot dogs ♪
48
00:03:30,877 --> 00:03:32,879
- ♪ Fat kids ♪
- ♪ Skinny kids ♪
49
00:03:32,962 --> 00:03:34,923
♪ Kids who climb
on rocks ♪
50
00:03:35,006 --> 00:03:36,799
- ♪ Tough kids ♪
- ♪ Sissy kids ♪
51
00:03:36,883 --> 00:03:38,468
♪ Even kids
with chicken pox ♪
52
00:03:38,551 --> 00:03:40,303
♪ Love hot dogs ♪
53
00:03:40,386 --> 00:03:42,055
♪ Armour hot dogs ♪
54
00:03:42,138 --> 00:03:46,643
♪ The dogs kids
love to ♪
55
00:03:46,726 --> 00:03:50,313
♪ Bite ♪
56
00:03:50,396 --> 00:03:51,716
Doesn't this family
know any songs
57
00:03:51,773 --> 00:03:52,982
that aren't commercials?
58
00:03:56,861 --> 00:03:59,197
♪ I feel like
chicken tonight ♪
59
00:03:59,280 --> 00:04:02,283
♪ Like chicken tonight,
like chicken tonight ♪
60
00:04:05,453 --> 00:04:08,373
It's been great spending time
with my family again.
61
00:04:08,456 --> 00:04:11,668
I guess the next time I see you
won't be until Thanksgiving.
62
00:04:11,751 --> 00:04:14,837
Or if not then, Christmas.
63
00:04:14,921 --> 00:04:17,257
I suppose I'll
be getting home too.
64
00:04:17,340 --> 00:04:20,009
At least I got
Matlock to keep me company.
65
00:04:20,093 --> 00:04:22,387
D'He's on in five minutes!
66
00:04:22,470 --> 00:04:24,389
He is? Step on it!
67
00:04:25,765 --> 00:04:27,016
Hurry up! Hurry!
68
00:04:27,100 --> 00:04:28,810
Each Matlock could be our last.
69
00:04:28,893 --> 00:04:31,104
Homie, you know it's funny,
70
00:04:31,187 --> 00:04:34,274
both my mother and your father
seem pretty lonely.
71
00:04:34,357 --> 00:04:36,401
That is funny.
72
00:04:36,484 --> 00:04:39,862
Yeah. Anyway, maybe they could
go to a matinee together,
73
00:04:39,946 --> 00:04:42,407
or shopping,
or to that room in the library
74
00:04:42,490 --> 00:04:44,117
that's always full
of old people...
75
00:04:44,200 --> 00:04:45,702
Periodicals, that's it!
76
00:04:45,785 --> 00:04:49,622
Marge, please, old people
don't need companionship.
77
00:04:49,706 --> 00:04:51,541
They need to be
isolated and studied,
78
00:04:51,624 --> 00:04:53,543
so it can be determined
what nutrients they have
79
00:04:53,626 --> 00:04:55,712
that might be extracted
for our personal use.
80
00:04:55,795 --> 00:04:58,235
Homer, would you please stop
reading that Ross Perot pamphlet?
81
00:05:04,137 --> 00:05:06,556
Say, I've got a neat idea.
82
00:05:06,639 --> 00:05:08,075
Why don't you go in
and pick up my mother,
83
00:05:08,099 --> 00:05:09,600
and we'll go out to dinner?
84
00:05:09,684 --> 00:05:11,269
I'll be back in a jiffy!
85
00:05:16,357 --> 00:05:17,567
That's not my mother.
86
00:05:17,650 --> 00:05:19,736
I'll be back in a jiffy!
87
00:05:21,696 --> 00:05:25,241
Can I come too?
88
00:05:33,166 --> 00:05:36,419
You know, Mom, you and Abe
have a lot in common.
89
00:05:36,502 --> 00:05:39,047
Um...
90
00:05:39,130 --> 00:05:42,050
You both got swindled
by that telemarketing scam.
91
00:05:42,133 --> 00:05:45,511
It's not a swindle.
What you do is, see,
92
00:05:45,595 --> 00:05:47,764
you give them all
your credit card numbers,
93
00:05:47,847 --> 00:05:52,060
and if one of them is lucky,
they'll send you a prize.
94
00:05:52,143 --> 00:05:55,438
I was just happy to talk
to someone on the phone.
95
00:05:55,521 --> 00:05:57,899
Aw, feelin' blue?
96
00:05:57,982 --> 00:05:59,817
I got somethin'
that'll cheer you up.
97
00:06:14,665 --> 00:06:16,505
Sir, I represent the estate
of Charles Chaplin.
98
00:06:16,542 --> 00:06:18,503
I have a court order
demanding an immediate halt
99
00:06:18,586 --> 00:06:20,296
to this unauthorized imitation.
100
00:06:20,380 --> 00:06:22,632
Boys!
101
00:06:27,011 --> 00:06:28,930
And here's a picture
of me getting arrested
102
00:06:29,013 --> 00:06:30,765
for indecent exposure.
103
00:06:30,848 --> 00:06:34,227
It was the most embarrassing day
of my life.
104
00:06:34,310 --> 00:06:36,938
Lift those gams!
105
00:06:37,021 --> 00:06:39,357
You were one nifty number.
106
00:06:39,440 --> 00:06:41,275
The boys all paid attention
to me
107
00:06:41,359 --> 00:06:43,945
and it drove my friends crazy.
108
00:06:44,028 --> 00:06:45,655
Who were your friends?
109
00:06:45,738 --> 00:06:47,448
Zelda Fitzgerald,
110
00:06:47,532 --> 00:06:50,118
Frances Farmer,
and little Sylvia Plath.
111
00:06:50,201 --> 00:06:54,747
You know, you remind me of
a poem I can't remember
112
00:06:54,831 --> 00:06:57,250
and a song that may
never have existed
113
00:06:57,333 --> 00:07:00,545
and a place I'm not sure
I've ever been to.
114
00:07:00,628 --> 00:07:02,171
You're so sweet.
115
00:07:02,255 --> 00:07:05,967
Ooh, I feel all funny.
116
00:07:06,050 --> 00:07:09,345
I'm in love!
117
00:07:09,429 --> 00:07:11,305
No, wait, it's a stroke.
118
00:07:11,389 --> 00:07:15,476
No, wait, it is love!
119
00:07:17,979 --> 00:07:20,398
I'm in lo-o-o-o-ve!
120
00:07:27,572 --> 00:07:30,158
Hello, I'm Troy McClure.
121
00:07:30,241 --> 00:07:32,201
You might remember me
from such films as
122
00:07:32,285 --> 00:07:34,287
"The Boatjacking
of Supership 79"
123
00:07:34,370 --> 00:07:37,540
and "Hydro: The Man
with the Hydraulic Arms".
124
00:07:37,623 --> 00:07:39,959
Coming up this hour on
the Impulse Buying Network,
125
00:07:40,042 --> 00:07:43,087
your chance to own
a piece of Itchy and Scratchy,
126
00:07:43,171 --> 00:07:45,631
the toontown twosome
beloved by everyone...
127
00:07:45,715 --> 00:07:48,176
Even cynical members
of Generation X.
128
00:07:48,259 --> 00:07:50,887
Yeah, "groovy."
129
00:07:50,970 --> 00:07:52,972
Troy, I'm proud to offer
your viewers
130
00:07:53,055 --> 00:07:55,933
these hand-drawn
Itchy & Scratchy animation cels.
131
00:07:56,017 --> 00:07:59,312
Each one is absolutely,
positively, 100% guaranteed
132
00:07:59,395 --> 00:08:00,605
to increase in value.
133
00:08:00,688 --> 00:08:01,688
Not a guarantee.
134
00:08:01,731 --> 00:08:02,731
Whoo!
135
00:08:05,651 --> 00:08:08,321
Pardon me, sir.
Forgive my clumsiness.
136
00:08:08,404 --> 00:08:09,572
Not at all.
137
00:08:13,451 --> 00:08:16,245
Yes, my name is Homer Simpson.
138
00:08:16,329 --> 00:08:18,247
And I'd like to order
an Itchy & Scratchy cel.
139
00:08:18,331 --> 00:08:20,249
My credit card?
140
00:08:20,333 --> 00:08:23,461
Do you accept the
"Federal Breast Inspector's" card?
141
00:08:23,544 --> 00:08:26,464
"License to Ogle"?
"Vyza"?
142
00:08:26,547 --> 00:08:28,841
Yes, of course.
That's what I meant, "Visa."
143
00:08:28,925 --> 00:08:29,925
It's these new dentures.
144
00:08:32,345 --> 00:08:34,555
Well, I think it's wonderful
that your father
145
00:08:34,639 --> 00:08:36,807
has fallen in
love with my mother.
146
00:08:36,891 --> 00:08:38,410
Well, I'm opposed
to the whole thing...
147
00:08:38,434 --> 00:08:39,810
Damn opposed!
148
00:08:39,894 --> 00:08:42,188
He's damn opposed.
Damn, damn, damn opposed.
149
00:08:42,271 --> 00:08:43,439
Bart!
150
00:08:43,523 --> 00:08:44,791
Homer, what possible
reason could you have
151
00:08:44,815 --> 00:08:47,235
against Grampa being in love?
152
00:08:47,318 --> 00:08:51,072
If he marries your mother, Marge,
we'll be brother and sister!
153
00:08:51,155 --> 00:08:53,574
And then our kids,
they'll be horrible freaks
154
00:08:53,658 --> 00:08:57,411
with pink skin, no overbites
and five fingers on each hand!
155
00:09:00,915 --> 00:09:03,668
Hello, Mom?
156
00:09:03,751 --> 00:09:07,838
Fine. You know Abe had
a very nice time with you last Sunday.
157
00:09:07,922 --> 00:09:09,090
Tell her I love her!
158
00:09:09,173 --> 00:09:10,800
Grampa, shh!
I know my mother.
159
00:09:10,883 --> 00:09:13,594
If you come on too strong,
she's going to get scared away.
160
00:09:13,678 --> 00:09:15,680
- I love ya.
- What?
161
00:09:15,763 --> 00:09:17,807
I love ya, mom.
162
00:09:17,890 --> 00:09:19,850
- I love ya. I love ya.
- I love ya. I love ya.
163
00:09:19,934 --> 00:09:21,978
I love ya, mom.
Gotta go.
164
00:09:25,815 --> 00:09:28,484
Yeah, hi. I got a special
delivery for Homer Simpson.
165
00:09:28,568 --> 00:09:30,653
That's me!
166
00:09:30,736 --> 00:09:33,030
Don't write no more
letters to Mr. Sinatra.
167
00:09:35,866 --> 00:09:37,994
I've got a special delivery
for Homer Simpson.
168
00:09:38,077 --> 00:09:40,413
That's me.
169
00:09:40,496 --> 00:09:43,666
Stop stealing golf balls
from the driving range.
170
00:09:45,960 --> 00:09:48,504
Homer Simpson, I've got a,
171
00:09:48,588 --> 00:09:50,214
special delivery for you.
172
00:09:50,298 --> 00:09:51,632
Go away.
173
00:09:51,716 --> 00:09:53,634
If you do not open
the door, Mr. Simpson,
174
00:09:53,718 --> 00:09:56,637
I cannot give you your...
special delivery.
175
00:10:02,143 --> 00:10:04,520
Here's your special delivery.
176
00:10:04,604 --> 00:10:07,273
- Thanks.
- That's for keepin' me waiting.
177
00:10:09,358 --> 00:10:11,652
Hey, Lis, guess
who's got a genuine
178
00:10:11,736 --> 00:10:13,446
Itchy & Scratchy animation cel?
179
00:10:13,529 --> 00:10:16,115
That is so cool!
That is so exciting!
180
00:10:16,198 --> 00:10:17,283
That is so...
181
00:10:19,327 --> 00:10:20,661
Crappy.
182
00:10:20,745 --> 00:10:22,580
It looks like part
of Scratchy's arm.
183
00:10:22,663 --> 00:10:26,792
No. I used Dad's
credit card to buy this?
184
00:10:26,876 --> 00:10:30,463
- Yeesh! How much was it?
- $350.
185
00:10:30,546 --> 00:10:33,090
- Ooh.
- Ha-ha!
186
00:10:33,174 --> 00:10:35,092
- Ha, ha, ha.
- My God.
187
00:10:35,176 --> 00:10:37,887
This boy is having
an out-of-body experience.
188
00:10:37,970 --> 00:10:40,348
This is very...
bad for business.
189
00:10:41,557 --> 00:10:42,892
Hot diggity!
190
00:10:42,975 --> 00:10:46,520
I'm gonna smooch her like
a mule eating an apple!
191
00:10:50,024 --> 00:10:52,943
I even bought me some
special novelty dentures.
192
00:10:53,027 --> 00:10:54,862
See?
193
00:10:54,945 --> 00:10:57,073
Dad, that will never work.
194
00:10:57,156 --> 00:11:02,328
If you wanna make your move,
you gotta play it cool.
195
00:11:02,411 --> 00:11:04,497
Now, what you gotta do,
196
00:11:04,580 --> 00:11:06,916
if you wanna get a kiss,
197
00:11:06,999 --> 00:11:11,462
is act real smooth
and make your move like this.
198
00:11:11,545 --> 00:11:15,841
I see.
199
00:11:15,925 --> 00:11:18,094
So, if I take your advice
200
00:11:18,177 --> 00:11:20,554
and make your patented move,
201
00:11:20,638 --> 00:11:25,101
then my chances for love
will slightly improve.
202
00:11:29,271 --> 00:11:30,981
Now what's that rule?
203
00:11:31,065 --> 00:11:33,109
Play it cool.
204
00:11:48,290 --> 00:11:50,042
Is this cel worth anything?
205
00:11:50,126 --> 00:11:52,586
Let me show you something.
206
00:11:52,670 --> 00:11:55,673
This... This is a Snagglepuss
drawn by Hic Heisler.
207
00:11:55,756 --> 00:11:57,299
It is worth something.
208
00:11:57,383 --> 00:11:59,927
This... This is an arm
drawn by nobody.
209
00:12:00,010 --> 00:12:01,387
It is worth nothing.
210
00:12:01,470 --> 00:12:03,556
Can't you give me
anything for it?
211
00:12:03,639 --> 00:12:06,142
I can give you this telephone.
It is shaped like Mary Worth.
212
00:12:06,225 --> 00:12:08,185
No groaning in my store.
213
00:12:15,067 --> 00:12:18,028
My favorite song.
214
00:12:18,112 --> 00:12:20,448
This is so nice.
215
00:12:20,531 --> 00:12:24,034
I can't remember
when I felt this young.
216
00:12:24,118 --> 00:12:26,787
I really can't.
217
00:12:29,373 --> 00:12:31,834
Say, sport.
218
00:12:31,917 --> 00:12:33,544
Mind if I have the next dance?
219
00:12:33,627 --> 00:12:35,087
Wha... D'What the...
220
00:12:35,171 --> 00:12:37,089
Don't sneak up on a... You!
221
00:12:37,173 --> 00:12:39,675
No need for the blown
gasket, Charlie.
222
00:12:39,759 --> 00:12:41,844
I'll have her back in one piece.
223
00:12:45,848 --> 00:12:46,848
Hey!
224
00:12:54,940 --> 00:12:58,027
That big ape thinks
he can muscle in
225
00:12:58,110 --> 00:12:59,487
on my girl, does he?
226
00:12:59,570 --> 00:13:01,113
I'll show him.
227
00:13:01,197 --> 00:13:04,033
I'm gonna give him
the frowning of a lifetime.
228
00:13:20,925 --> 00:13:23,761
I swear, Monty.
You are the devil himself.
229
00:13:23,844 --> 00:13:25,721
I... Who told you?
230
00:13:25,805 --> 00:13:27,765
Yes, yes, well.
231
00:13:27,848 --> 00:13:29,141
I'd say you were an angel, but
232
00:13:29,225 --> 00:13:31,936
angels don't dance like that.
233
00:13:45,491 --> 00:13:48,744
Good night, Mrs. Bouvier,
234
00:13:48,828 --> 00:13:52,039
wherever you are.
235
00:13:59,088 --> 00:14:02,091
Mr. Simpson, I represent
the estate of Jimmy Durante.
236
00:14:02,174 --> 00:14:04,054
I have a court order demanding
an immediate halt
237
00:14:04,134 --> 00:14:05,970
to this unauthorized
imitation. Boys!
238
00:14:09,390 --> 00:14:11,183
Well, would it be
all right with you
239
00:14:11,267 --> 00:14:13,602
if I just laid down
in the street and died?
240
00:14:14,895 --> 00:14:16,313
Yes, that would be acceptable.
241
00:14:20,818 --> 00:14:23,904
Smithers, guess what
happened to me last night?
242
00:14:23,988 --> 00:14:25,072
I don't know, sir.
243
00:14:25,155 --> 00:14:26,657
You had sex with that old woman?
244
00:14:26,740 --> 00:14:28,325
She said "no" to me.
245
00:14:28,409 --> 00:14:30,494
Do you know how many
women have said "no" to me?
246
00:14:30,578 --> 00:14:33,706
130... But only one since
I've become a billionaire.
247
00:14:33,789 --> 00:14:37,001
And she's the one
for me. I'm in love!
248
00:14:37,084 --> 00:14:39,545
- Whoop-dee-do, sir.
- Yes, whoop-dee-do.
249
00:14:39,628 --> 00:14:42,131
Whoop-dee-do to the world!
Whoop-dee-do, Mr. Florist.
250
00:14:42,214 --> 00:14:43,400
Whoop-dee-do,
Mr. Physical trainer.
251
00:14:43,424 --> 00:14:44,842
Whoop-dee-do, Mr. President.
252
00:14:44,925 --> 00:14:46,594
I'm happy you've
finally found love.
253
00:14:46,677 --> 00:14:49,054
Whoop-dee-do, tarantula town.
254
00:14:49,138 --> 00:14:50,848
Whoop-dee-do, employees.
255
00:14:50,931 --> 00:14:54,101
Everyone who's found
true love may leave early today.
256
00:14:55,769 --> 00:14:56,769
All right!
257
00:14:58,689 --> 00:15:02,860
"Memorandum to Mrs. Bouvier.
Re: Delineation of romantic intentions."
258
00:15:02,943 --> 00:15:04,778
Too sappy.
259
00:15:04,862 --> 00:15:06,339
Smithers, come over here
and help me write
260
00:15:06,363 --> 00:15:07,781
a mash note to my girlfriend.
261
00:15:07,865 --> 00:15:09,158
Fine.
262
00:15:10,784 --> 00:15:13,537
Darling one: Read my words
and hear my heart
263
00:15:13,621 --> 00:15:16,040
speak of a love,
soft and undying.
264
00:15:16,123 --> 00:15:18,375
A love that will
be with you always.
265
00:15:18,459 --> 00:15:20,377
Sincerely, yada-yada-yada.
266
00:15:20,461 --> 00:15:21,587
That's marvelous.
267
00:15:21,670 --> 00:15:23,213
How did you think
of that so fast?
268
00:15:23,297 --> 00:15:25,966
I... sent it to you
on your birthday.
269
00:15:26,050 --> 00:15:28,344
Excuse me.
I have something in my eye.
270
00:15:30,346 --> 00:15:32,348
Mom's almost ready for her date.
271
00:15:32,431 --> 00:15:35,017
She sure seems taken
by this new beau.
272
00:15:35,100 --> 00:15:37,227
I feel so bad for Grampa.
273
00:15:37,311 --> 00:15:41,398
Dad says this new guy is a repulsive,
obnoxious old billionaire.
274
00:15:41,482 --> 00:15:43,275
So, let's all
be extra nice to him.
275
00:15:45,819 --> 00:15:47,112
Hello.
276
00:15:47,196 --> 00:15:48,989
Why, it's... It's...
277
00:15:49,073 --> 00:15:51,533
It's...
278
00:15:56,080 --> 00:15:58,916
Why it's Fred Flintstone
and his lovely wife, Wilma.
279
00:15:58,999 --> 00:16:01,335
And this must be little Pebbles.
280
00:16:01,418 --> 00:16:03,170
Mind if I come in?
I brought chocolates.
281
00:16:03,253 --> 00:16:04,922
Yabba dabba do!
282
00:16:05,005 --> 00:16:08,759
He's an awful, awful, awful man.
283
00:16:08,842 --> 00:16:10,987
I guess if he makes Mom happy,
that's all that really matters.
284
00:16:11,011 --> 00:16:13,138
That's right, "money."
285
00:16:13,222 --> 00:16:16,475
Your "money's" happiness
is all that "moneys."
286
00:16:19,436 --> 00:16:22,856
Hi. You know, Grandma
really likes it
287
00:16:22,940 --> 00:16:24,733
when her boyfriends
are nice to me.
288
00:16:24,817 --> 00:16:27,945
She especially likes it
when they give me money.
289
00:16:28,028 --> 00:16:29,947
Run along, peewee.
Baby gets nothing.
290
00:16:30,030 --> 00:16:31,824
Very well, you leave me
no choice.
291
00:16:31,907 --> 00:16:34,326
This gun is filled with ketchup.
292
00:16:34,410 --> 00:16:37,871
This one with mustard.
Now give me $350 bucks
293
00:16:37,955 --> 00:16:39,832
or you're gonna be a mess
for your date.
294
00:16:39,915 --> 00:16:41,917
You don't have the guts.
295
00:16:46,922 --> 00:16:49,842
Here.
Take your money. Take it.
296
00:16:49,925 --> 00:16:53,053
Ooh! Now, the tables
have turned, haven't they?
297
00:16:53,137 --> 00:16:55,472
Monty, I'm ready.
298
00:16:55,556 --> 00:16:59,393
Ooh.
299
00:17:01,353 --> 00:17:04,523
Why'd she have to leave me?
300
00:17:04,606 --> 00:17:05,774
Hi, Abe.
301
00:17:05,858 --> 00:17:08,068
We heard you was in need
of some cheering up.
302
00:17:08,152 --> 00:17:10,821
So we got you a special cake.
303
00:17:14,116 --> 00:17:15,701
Better call the nurse.
304
00:17:16,994 --> 00:17:18,412
Bravissimo, Luigi.
305
00:17:18,495 --> 00:17:20,956
Bring us your
finest bottle of vino.
306
00:17:21,040 --> 00:17:22,750
Hey, you trust Luigi.
307
00:17:22,833 --> 00:17:26,211
He knows what for to make-a
really nice the amore.
308
00:17:26,295 --> 00:17:30,174
Monty, I've never been to a more
romantic restaurant.
309
00:17:30,257 --> 00:17:32,885
Hey, Salvatore,
break out the cheap hooch
310
00:17:32,968 --> 00:17:36,263
for Mr. No tip and the dried-up
zombie he's-a captured.
311
00:17:36,346 --> 00:17:40,559
Dad, I'm really sorry,
but I charged $350 on your credit card.
312
00:17:40,642 --> 00:17:43,395
- What?
- Don't worry. Here's the cash.
313
00:17:43,479 --> 00:17:46,065
Whoo-hoo! $350.
314
00:17:46,148 --> 00:17:48,692
Now, I can buy
70 transcripts of Nightline.
315
00:17:48,776 --> 00:17:51,278
But, Dad...
316
00:17:51,361 --> 00:17:53,113
Well, he's happy.
317
00:17:53,197 --> 00:17:55,282
I'm gonna keep this
Mary Worth phone right here.
318
00:17:55,365 --> 00:18:00,162
Her stern, but sensible face will remind
me never to do anything so stupid again.
319
00:18:02,372 --> 00:18:04,458
Hey, Bart, you wanna go play
320
00:18:04,541 --> 00:18:07,002
with that x-ray machine
in the abandoned hospital?
321
00:18:07,086 --> 00:18:08,087
Sure.
322
00:18:10,881 --> 00:18:13,050
Now, my dear. If you
look in your champagne,
323
00:18:13,133 --> 00:18:15,761
I think you'll find
a little surprise.
324
00:18:19,014 --> 00:18:21,975
Not to worry.
325
00:18:22,059 --> 00:18:24,228
I believe there's another one
around here somewhere.
326
00:18:26,105 --> 00:18:27,606
Ooh! Yes.
327
00:18:27,689 --> 00:18:29,316
My darling,
328
00:18:29,399 --> 00:18:32,152
since my kneecaps are filling
with fluid as we speak,
329
00:18:32,236 --> 00:18:35,823
I'll be brief...
Will you marry me?
330
00:18:35,906 --> 00:18:39,576
Mom, you can't marry
Mr. Burns. He's an evil man.
331
00:18:39,660 --> 00:18:42,996
Evil, schmevil, Marge.
Monty can provide for me.
332
00:18:43,080 --> 00:18:45,082
Besides, he's a great kisser.
333
00:18:45,165 --> 00:18:46,625
Ew! Yuck!
334
00:18:46,708 --> 00:18:49,086
What about Abe Simpson?
335
00:18:49,169 --> 00:18:51,338
Don't you have
any feelings for him?
336
00:18:51,421 --> 00:18:53,006
He's a dear,
337
00:18:53,090 --> 00:18:54,633
but he's too much
of an old fusspot.
338
00:18:54,716 --> 00:18:57,177
We're all aware
of Grampa's problems,
339
00:18:57,261 --> 00:19:00,556
but compared to Mr. Burns,
he's Judge freaking Reinhold.
340
00:19:01,640 --> 00:19:04,017
I don't know who that is.
341
00:19:04,101 --> 00:19:06,645
Who needs her?
342
00:19:06,728 --> 00:19:09,231
Now I'll have more time
to read things
343
00:19:09,314 --> 00:19:11,024
I find on the ground.
344
00:19:12,276 --> 00:19:16,780
"la-tex con-do."
345
00:19:16,864 --> 00:19:19,783
Boy, I'd like
to live in one of those!
346
00:19:30,169 --> 00:19:32,880
Hey, Barney, why don't you
fill out the groom's side?
347
00:19:35,174 --> 00:19:38,260
- Hey! Down in front!
- Nein!
348
00:19:41,638 --> 00:19:43,849
Where's Grampa?
Wasn't he invited?
349
00:19:43,932 --> 00:19:45,726
Yeah, but his reply envelope
350
00:19:45,809 --> 00:19:48,103
just had a check
to the gas company in it.
351
00:20:01,700 --> 00:20:06,079
And, so, when Eliphaz came down
from Mount Hebron bearing figs,
352
00:20:06,163 --> 00:20:09,291
he offered them to Moham,
353
00:20:09,374 --> 00:20:12,419
who you will remember
is the father of Shecham,
354
00:20:12,502 --> 00:20:16,006
and to Hazar, on the occasion
of their matrimony,
355
00:20:16,089 --> 00:20:17,633
much in the same...
356
00:20:17,716 --> 00:20:20,802
We've heard enough about Bliz-Blaz
and Him-Ham already.
357
00:20:20,886 --> 00:20:22,179
Get to the bloody point!
358
00:20:23,805 --> 00:20:27,184
Do you, Charles
Montgomery Burns,
359
00:20:27,267 --> 00:20:30,437
take this woman to be
your lawfully wedded wife?
360
00:20:30,520 --> 00:20:32,522
- I do.
- Oops.
361
00:20:32,606 --> 00:20:35,567
The ring, you little imbecile,
before I really lose my temper.
362
00:20:40,155 --> 00:20:42,324
I know. I know.
363
00:20:47,287 --> 00:20:49,498
Do you, Jacqueline Bouvier,
364
00:20:49,581 --> 00:20:53,293
take this man to be your
lawfully wedded husband?
365
00:20:54,962 --> 00:20:56,296
Monty!
366
00:20:56,380 --> 00:20:57,714
My favorite song.
How did...
367
00:20:57,798 --> 00:21:00,175
I specifically requested
no romantic music!
368
00:21:00,259 --> 00:21:01,343
Wha...
369
00:21:01,426 --> 00:21:03,470
Mrs. Bouvier!
370
00:21:03,553 --> 00:21:05,555
Mrs. Bouvier!
371
00:21:08,308 --> 00:21:10,727
Mrs. Bouvier!
372
00:21:10,811 --> 00:21:14,398
Honey, are you sure you wanna be
Mrs. Montgomery Burns?
373
00:21:14,481 --> 00:21:18,360
Wouldn't you rather be
Mrs. Abraham J. Simpson?
374
00:21:19,486 --> 00:21:20,737
No.
375
00:21:21,905 --> 00:21:23,448
I don't wanna be either.
376
00:21:23,532 --> 00:21:25,909
Hot diggity damn!
That's good enough for me!
377
00:21:44,720 --> 00:21:47,931
Turn off that racket!
378
00:21:48,015 --> 00:21:50,267
Yeah, fat chance, pops.
379
00:21:50,350 --> 00:21:54,438
♪ Hello, Grampa,
my old friend ♪
380
00:21:54,521 --> 00:21:58,150
♪ Your busy day
is at an end ♪
381
00:22:00,444 --> 00:22:04,406
♪ Your exploits have been
sad and boring ♪
382
00:22:04,489 --> 00:22:09,036
♪ They tell a tale
that's worth ignoring ♪
383
00:22:09,119 --> 00:22:13,290
♪ When you're alone
the words of your story ♪
384
00:22:13,373 --> 00:22:16,585
♪ Will echo down
the rest home hall ♪
385
00:22:16,668 --> 00:22:20,380
♪ 'Cause no one at all ♪
386
00:22:20,464 --> 00:22:26,136
♪ Can stand the sound
of Grampa ♪
387
00:22:26,219 --> 00:22:28,805
I first took a fancy to Mrs. Bouvier
388
00:22:28,889 --> 00:22:31,641
because her raspy voice
reminded me of
389
00:22:31,725 --> 00:22:33,894
my old Victrola.
390
00:22:33,977 --> 00:22:36,772
It was a fine machine,
391
00:22:36,855 --> 00:22:39,316
with a vulcanized rubber
listening tube
392
00:22:39,399 --> 00:22:41,985
which you crammed in your ear.
393
00:22:42,069 --> 00:22:45,113
The tube would go in easier
with some sort of lubricant
394
00:22:45,197 --> 00:22:48,450
like Linseed oil
or Dr. Shumway's...
395
00:22:48,533 --> 00:22:50,243
- Shh!
- I'm sorry.
396
00:22:52,454 --> 00:22:54,956
CAPTIONS ENHANCED BY
ROUNDABOUT ENTERTAINMENT INC.
28759
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