All language subtitles for The.Simpsons.S05E06.Marge.on.the.Lam.1080p.DSNP.WEB-DL.DDP5.1.H.264-MZABI_track3_[eng]

♪ The Simpsons ♪

D'

Aah!

Well, sir, it has been an
uneventful week in Badger Falls,

where the women are robust,
the men are pink-cheeked,

and the children are
pink-cheeked and robust.

What the hell's so funny?

At the Apple Biscuit Cafe,

where the smiles are free,
don't you know,

Sven Inqvist studied the menu,

and finally, he ordered
the same thing he has every day.

Maybe it's the TV.

Stupid TV. Be more funny!

Well, sir, I think it is time

to turn this pledge drive
over to Troy McClure.

I can't keep up
this pace forever.

Hi, I'm Troy McClure.

You might remember me
from such telethons as

"Out With Gout '88"

and "Let's Save
Tony Orlando's House."

Folks, do you realize
without your support,

public television
can't afford to bring you

such award-winning shows as
"Edward The Penitent"?

I'm really, really,
really sorry.

I'm afraid sorry doesn't
cut it with this pope.

Ho.

What the hell?

We got a call.

Some idiot actually called in.

- Hello. What's your name?
- Marge Simpson.

I'd like to pledge $30.

Thank you.

Marge, it's public TV.
They never have anything good.

Where are the Geraldos?
Where are the Eubankses-ses?

They need our support.

Besides, they gave me
two tickets to the ballet.

- The ballet? Whoo-hoo!
- You like ballet?

Marjorie, please.

I enjoy all the meats of
our cultural stew.

Ballet.

Hee-hee-hee. All right.
Whoo-hoo! Yea!

Yeah!

♪♪

- Hello, Ruth.
- Hi, Marge.

I was wondering if you had
a power sander I could borrow.

- Homer?
- Nope.

That's one right there.

All right.
But remember, it's mine.

That's what ballet is?

You promised.

You can't back out like when
you volunteered

for that army experiment
to avoid dinner at my sisters'.

Mr. Simpson, you do realize
this may result in

hair loss, giddiness
and the loss of equilibrium?

Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Just give me the serum.

It was worth it.

Hey, Homer, you wanna get
a beer on the way home?

I can't. I gotta take my wife
to the ballet.

Gonna go see
the bear in the little car?

Invisible cola.

Time to stick it to the man.

Hey, hey.
Careful there, Homer.

I heard somebody lost
an arm in there once.

That's just an old wives' tale.

Just a little more...

Got it.

I'm stuck.
Help me.

- He's done for!
- Let's get outta here!

Must... get to ballet.

Promised Marge.

Hello?
Can I get some help?

Snack-related mishap.

Candy.

Hello?

Marge, this may be
hard to believe,

but I'm trapped inside
two vending machines.

Sure, Homer.

Trapped in vending machines.
Okay.

Would you two
like to go to the ballet?

That's girl stuff.

Thanks, Marge.

When my husband left,
he took all our power tools,

along with the car,
my youth, my faith in mankind.

Well, see ya.

Hey, wait!

♪♪

♪♪

Vyachepov's loins
oughta be outlawed.

Far too much dancing,

not nearly enough prancing.

A little mincing would be nice.

Well, thank you
for a lovely time.

You're not going home
already, are you?

It's almost 9:30.

Yeah, right.
We better turn in.

You were serious.

I'm gonna have these things
on my arms forever.

♪♪

Candy and sodas for all.

Convenient.

Homer, this... this is
never easy to say.

I'm gonna have to
saw your arms off.

- They'll grow back, right?
- Yeah.

Homer, are you just
holding on to the can?

Your point being?

I envy you and Homer.

Thank you.

Why?

If you ever met my ex-husband,
you'd understand.

All he ever did was eat,
sleep and drink beer.

Your point being?

And to top it off,
he's been stiffing me

on child support for
the last four months.

Well, you were unlucky.

But there are
a lot of good men out there.

Hey, can I throw up
in your bathroom?

I'll buy something.

Marge, I know you
didn't believe me

about the vending machines.

That's why I had
the firemen write me a note.

"Mrs. Simpson: While we were
rescuing your husband,

a lumberyard burned down."

D'Lumber has a million uses.

I'm disappointed in you,
but it turns out

I had a wonderful time
with Ruth Powers.

In fact, we're going out again
tomorrow night.

Marge, that's twice.

I think you're spending entirely
too much time with this woman.

Homer, please.

You know it's hard
for me to make friends.

Marge, we should
do this every Thursday.

Marge, I got sprayed by
this skunk.

Look. It's doing it again.

Marge, you can't go out
on Saturday.

That's our special night.

What's so special about it?

What's so... I don't know.

A little show called
"Dr. Quinn, Medicine Woman"?

- Where're you going?
- I don't know.

- When will you be home?
- I'm not sure.

- Where're you going?
- You already asked me that.

Will you bring me
back something?

Don't wait up.

How can you do this, Marge?

How can you desert
your children?

- Have a blast, Mom.
- Rock the Casbah.

Man's best friend indeed.

Whoa.

You look... nice.

Tonight has nothing
to do with nice.

Tonight's all about...

♪ Sunshine, lollipops
and rainbows ev... ♪

Sorry, Marge.
Wrong tape.

♪ Welcome to the jungle
we got fun and games ♪

♪ We got everything... ♪

I can't believe
your mother went out

to have fun without me.

Don't worry.

You'll feel better once we put
your hair up in curlers

and give you a makeover, Homina.

That would be delight...

Quiet, boy.

There's nothing to feel
ashamed of here.

Women have a right to
a night out. Right, Lisa?

Sure, Dad.

That's it!
I'm calling my buddies.

Marge is not the only one
who can have a girls' night out.

No can do, Homer.
I'm watching the game.

Shave up not down, you idiot.

Ooh, sounds delish.

Let me just toss
some jeans on and...

Wait a minute.
Who is this?

Well, howdilly dodilly-do.

Hello?

Hello? Hellodilly-odilly?

Fine. I can have
a great time all by myself.

Hey, Dad, I think state
and federal laws

require us to have a babysitter.

Lisa.
Haven't you seen "Home Alone"?

If some burglars come,

it'll be a very humorous
and entertaining situation.

You're absolutely right, Homer.

We don't need a babysitter.

Wait a second.

You kids do need a babysitter.

Blast that infernal card.

Don't give that card to me.

Here you go... No!

Mr. Simpson, I was just
going through your garbage,

and I couldn't help
overhearing that

you need a babysitter.

Of course, being
a highly skilled attorney,

my fee is $175 an hour.

We pay eight dollars
for the night,

and you can take two popsicles
out of the freezer.

- Three.
- Two.

Okay, two, and I get to
keep this old birdcage.

- Done.
- Still got it.

I've heard a lot
about Shot Kickers.

♪♪

How come
no one else's chair is doing this?

Hey, baby.
Feel like getting lucky?

I am lucky.

I have a husband
and three wonderful children.

Thank you very much.

Listen, baby.
I always get what I want.

- I said no.
- Did ya?

I completely misunderstood.
Please accept our apologies.

Sometimes you gotta go
where everybody knows your name.

Hey, guys!

Moe, get the darts.
I wanna play.

No. We're phasing out
the games.

People drink less when
they're having fun.

Sure. Like lawyers work
in big skyscrapers

and have secretaries.

Look at him.
He's wearing a belt.

That's Hollywood for you.

Ooh, I've never been
to an underground club.

♪♪

Don't you think
your hair is a bit much?

Hey, Mrs. Simpson,

you should try one of these
smart drinks.

Wow.
I've wasted my life.

Would you, care to dance?

Mayor Quimby!
What are you doing here?

I'm here with my nephews.

That's nice.

Ooh, jet. Whoo-hoo!
It's Garrett Morris's birthday.

Hmph.

This is not a library.

This is not a Kwik-E-Mart.

What was it
you wanted to show me?

This.

You're not gonna hunt me
for sport, are you?

Relax, Marge.

I'd never turn
a gun on a human being.

My husband, on the other hand.

- Come on. You try it.
- No. I couldn't.

Yeah. Just breathe slowly
and squeeze the...

I hit it! I hit it!

My cans.
My precious antique cans.

Aw, look what you done to 'em.

Well, it's getting late.

Maybe we should call it a night.

It's only midnight.
Come on. I know a place.

Whoa.

Beautiful?

Homer and I used to
come up here on dates.

Homer, stop that.
It's just a weather station.

Come on, Marge.
It's fun to smash things.

I smashed it good.

You got real "purdy" hair.

You know, Marge,

of all the places
we've been tonight,

I think I like
this one the best.

Me too.

Look, you can see our houses.

There's an awful lot
of black smoke

coming from my chimney.

Mr. Hutz, why are you burning
all your personal papers?

As of this moment,
Lionel Hutz no longer exists.

Say hello to Miguel Sanchez.

Maybe we should call it a night.

Okay. I should get home
to my daughter

before that naked talk show
comes on.

Young love.

The old make-out place.

Hey, a new weather station!

I'll bash it good...

It's just no fun without Marge.

There's nothing like
moonshine from your own still.

Simpson.

What are you doing here?

My wife's having
a girls' night out.

Just get one of those
inflatable women.

But make sure it's
a woman though.

'Cause one time I...

Come on. I'll...
I'll give you a ride home.

I miss you, Marge.

Their left taillight's

a little smaller than
their right one.

I better pull 'em over.

- I think they want us to stop.
- Fat chance.

- This car's stolen.
- Stolen?

Looks like we got ourselves
an old-fashioned car chase.

♪♪

♪ Sunshine, lollipops ♪

♪ And rainbows, everything ♪

♪ That's wonderful is what
I feel when we're together ♪

♪ Brighter than a lucky penny
when you're near ♪

♪ The rain clouds disappear
dear and I feel so fine... ♪

Ruth, is there something
you wanna tell me?

Remember when I said

my ex-husband was behind
on his child support?

Well, to even things up,
I kind of stole his car.

Didn't you realize
all you had to do was

report him to the police?

Marge, you're the levelheaded
friend I never had.

We're in pursuit
of two female suspects.

One is wearing
a green dress, pearls,

and has a lot of blue hair.

- A lot of blue hair?
- What a freak.

Ooh!

It's Marge!

She's become a crazed criminal

just because I didn't
take her to the ballet.

That's exactly
how Dillinger got started.

Really?

I don't wanna be a wet blanket,

but maybe you should
give yourself up.

Marge, it's a matter
of principle.

I just can't let
that deadbeat win again.

You're with me, aren't ya?

I should say something
reassuring yet noncommittal.

Look, Marge, there's no reason

for you to get
dragged into this.

Once we lose the cops,
I'll let you out.

Well, I don't think
they're gonna be

that easy to lose.

These are professional
lawmen and...

My God!
It just disappeared.

It's a ghost car!

There are ghost cars all over
these highways, you know.

- Hold me.
- Only if you hold me.

You can call a cab in there.

Well... bye.

I'm sorry about all this.

But you gotta admit,
we did have some fun.

Yeah. Everything before
the high-speed chase

was just lovely.

Hey. You're
a good friend, Marge.

This cross-country flight
from the law would be hell

if we didn't stick together.

Hey. Friends stick together.

It's amazing how through
all this adversity,

we managed to stick together.

If there's one thing
decent folk do,

it's stick together.

I hate it when
the waffles stick together.

Sticking together
is what good waffles do.

Thanks, kid.

Marge, what are you doing?

Ruth, I've done a lot
of thinking,

and I really
consider you a friend.

And an important part
of friendship is...

You stupid kid!

You know that drives away
all my business.

See you tomorrow, loser.

Engine-block eggs.

If we can keep these down,
we'll be sitting pretty.

- That's them!
- Quiet. I can't hear the eggs.

Hey, it's morning,

and Mom and Dad aren't home yet.

Don't worry.
Mr. Hutz is still here

to take care of us.

Don't touch my stuff!

Hey. This isn't
the Y.M.C.A.

Dispatch, this is Chief Wiggum

back in pursuit
of the rebelling women.

All right.
Your current location?

I'm...

I'm on a road.
Looks to be asphalt.

Um, aw, geez.
Trees, shrubs.

I'm directly under
the Earth's sun... now.

We now interrupt this program

for a special bulletin.

We've just received word of
a high-speed desert chase.

The suspects have been
identified as Ruth Powers

and Marge Simpson
of Springfield.

Cool.

I always knew someday
Mom would violently rise up

and cast off the shackles
of our male oppressors.

Shut your yap.

At the risk of editorializing,

these women are guilty

and must be dealt with in
a harsh and brutal fashion.

Otherwise, their behavior
could incite other women,

leading to anarchy
of biblical proportions.

It's in Revelations, people!

Look. We're only two miles
from the state line.

We're gonna make it.

We're gonna be okay.

My God! That must be
every policeman in Springfield.

That's it. I give up.

A single mother
can't win in a man's world.

Ruth, that's a lot of hooey.

It's not over until it's over.

I'm sorry.
I should've asked first.

No, Marge. You did it.
We really are gonna make it now.

No!

They're headed right for
the Grand Chasm.

My God! They're gonna
drive right into it

just to teach us men a lesson.

And it's all my fault!

Marge. Marge!

- Homer?
- Look, Marge.

I'm sorry I haven't been
a better husband.

I'm sorry about the time
I tried to make gravy

in the bathtub.

I'm sorry I used
your wedding dress

to wax the car.

And I'm sorry...
Well, let's just say

I'm sorry for the whole
marriage up to this point.

You're right.
I am lucky to have him.

But, please, Marge,
don't drive into that chasm!

Chasm?

Ha! And to think
those idiot environmentalists

were protesting this landfill.

Solid waste.
I could kiss you.

Yech.

Ew!

Ooh, I think this was pizza.

Ruth Powers was tried in
Springfield Superior Court.

The judge dismissed
her ex-husband's auto theft charges

and forced him to pay
all back child support.

Mr. Powers blamed
the outcome on his lawyer,

one Lionel Hutz.

Lionel Hutz,
A.K.A. Miguel Sanchez,

A.K.A. Dr. Nguyen Van Thoc,

was paid eight dollars for
his 32 hours of babysitting.

He was glad to get it.

Marge Simpson was charged with

a violation of penal code
section 618a,

wanton destruction
of precious antique cans.

She was ordered to pay
50 cents to replace the cans

and $2,000 in punitive damages

and mental anguish.

Homer Simpson was
remanded to the custody of

the United States Army
Neurochemical Research Center

at Fort Meade, Maryland,
for extensive testing.

Whoo-hoo!

♪♪

Shh!

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