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1
00:00:03,128 --> 00:00:06,423
♪ The Simpsons ♪
2
00:00:09,676 --> 00:00:10,676
D'
3
00:00:10,719 --> 00:00:12,637
Aah!
4
00:00:43,251 --> 00:00:45,879
Core meltdown in 10 seconds.
5
00:00:45,962 --> 00:00:48,381
Nine, eight...
6
00:00:48,465 --> 00:00:50,383
Meltdown averted. Good boy!
7
00:01:05,065 --> 00:01:06,441
What?
8
00:01:06,524 --> 00:01:09,194
How dare you disturb me
during nap time?
9
00:01:09,277 --> 00:01:12,113
We're from the nuclear
regulatory commission.
10
00:01:12,197 --> 00:01:14,240
This is a surprise test
of worker competence.
11
00:01:14,324 --> 00:01:15,575
There must be some mistake.
12
00:01:15,658 --> 00:01:18,078
We... We make cookies here.
13
00:01:18,161 --> 00:01:21,539
Mr. Burns's old-fashioned
good-time extra-chewy...
14
00:01:21,623 --> 00:01:23,374
Get the ax.
15
00:01:26,503 --> 00:01:30,006
The watchdog of public safety.
Is there any lower form of life?
16
00:01:30,090 --> 00:01:32,509
Don't worry, sir, I rounded up
our less-gifted employees
17
00:01:32,592 --> 00:01:34,594
and led them into the basement.
18
00:01:36,679 --> 00:01:39,307
Duh, Homer,
why are we down here?
19
00:01:39,390 --> 00:01:41,351
Geez!
I told ya, Bernie...
20
00:01:41,434 --> 00:01:43,436
To guard the bee!
21
00:01:43,520 --> 00:01:46,523
- But why?
- You guys are pathetic.
22
00:01:46,606 --> 00:01:49,901
No wonder Smithers
made me head bee guy.
23
00:01:51,778 --> 00:01:55,115
- It's gettin' away.
- We did bad!
24
00:01:55,198 --> 00:01:56,449
Hey!
25
00:01:56,533 --> 00:01:57,992
Hey! Come back!
26
00:01:58,076 --> 00:02:00,578
Is there
a Homer Simpson present?
27
00:02:00,662 --> 00:02:02,622
I'm afraid
he couldn't "bee" here.
28
00:02:04,791 --> 00:02:06,709
Yes, he's in Geneva,
29
00:02:06,793 --> 00:02:08,711
chairing a conference
on nuclear fission.
30
00:02:08,795 --> 00:02:10,338
Yes, that should stick.
31
00:02:11,714 --> 00:02:14,050
D' The bee bit my bottom!
32
00:02:14,134 --> 00:02:15,802
Now my bottom's big!
33
00:02:15,885 --> 00:02:17,345
Homer, this is
34
00:02:17,428 --> 00:02:19,305
an exact replica of
your workstation.
35
00:02:21,141 --> 00:02:24,394
Now we're going to simulate a
power surge in core sector 8.
36
00:02:24,477 --> 00:02:26,187
What the hell
are you talking about?
37
00:02:28,022 --> 00:02:29,149
What do I do?
38
00:02:29,232 --> 00:02:31,109
What do I do?
39
00:02:31,192 --> 00:02:33,903
In the name of God,
you've gotta tell me!
40
00:02:33,987 --> 00:02:35,280
Relax.
It's just a simulator.
41
00:02:35,363 --> 00:02:36,573
Nothing can go wrong.
42
00:02:36,656 --> 00:02:38,074
Just poke blindly
at the controls
43
00:02:38,158 --> 00:02:39,158
until they let you go.
44
00:02:44,622 --> 00:02:47,125
No. No!
This can't be happening!
45
00:02:54,966 --> 00:02:57,552
For the love of God, sir!
There are two seats!
46
00:02:57,635 --> 00:02:59,262
I like to put my feet up.
47
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Must destroy mankind.
48
00:03:18,156 --> 00:03:20,366
Ooh! Lunchtime.
49
00:03:22,243 --> 00:03:25,038
We're still not sure
how he caused the meltdown.
50
00:03:25,121 --> 00:03:27,123
There wasn't any
nuclear material in the truck!
51
00:03:27,207 --> 00:03:29,000
Very well.
It's time for your bribe.
52
00:03:29,083 --> 00:03:31,419
Now, you can either have
the washer and dryer
53
00:03:31,502 --> 00:03:32,982
where the lovely Smithers
is standing,
54
00:03:33,046 --> 00:03:36,674
or you can trade it all in
for what's in this box.
55
00:03:36,758 --> 00:03:38,218
The box.
The box!
56
00:03:38,301 --> 00:03:40,178
Look, Burns,
this is a big problem.
57
00:03:40,261 --> 00:03:42,198
You just can't throw money at it
and make it go away.
58
00:03:42,222 --> 00:03:43,973
Gentlemen, I've decided
59
00:03:44,057 --> 00:03:45,558
there will be no investigation.
60
00:03:45,642 --> 00:03:47,185
Now, if you'll excuse me,
I'll go away.
61
00:03:47,268 --> 00:03:49,687
You're in big trouble, Burns.
Homer Simpson's job
62
00:03:49,771 --> 00:03:52,148
requires college training
in nuclear physics.
63
00:03:52,232 --> 00:03:54,859
Now, you get your man
up to speed,
64
00:03:54,943 --> 00:03:56,003
or we'll be forced
to take legal action.
65
00:03:56,027 --> 00:03:57,862
Is that so?
66
00:03:57,946 --> 00:04:00,490
Well, I have the feeling
you'll be...
67
00:04:00,573 --> 00:04:02,033
dropping the charges.
68
00:04:03,743 --> 00:04:05,370
The painters moved your desk, sir.
69
00:04:05,453 --> 00:04:06,913
Yes.
70
00:04:10,333 --> 00:04:12,168
Hello, Simpson.
71
00:04:12,252 --> 00:04:13,437
My lawyers and I were in
the neighborhood
72
00:04:13,461 --> 00:04:15,171
and thought we'd stop by.
73
00:04:15,255 --> 00:04:18,508
Would you like to come in for
tea and marshmallow squares?
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00:04:20,802 --> 00:04:22,220
Yes, he would.
75
00:04:22,303 --> 00:04:24,222
So you want me to go to college?
76
00:04:24,305 --> 00:04:25,390
College?
77
00:04:25,473 --> 00:04:27,684
- Ha! Barber or clown?
- Bart!
78
00:04:27,767 --> 00:04:30,687
Remember, your job and
the future of your family
79
00:04:30,770 --> 00:04:32,188
hinges on your
successful completion
80
00:04:32,272 --> 00:04:33,272
of Nuclear Physics 101.
81
00:04:33,314 --> 00:04:35,900
And one more thing.
82
00:04:35,984 --> 00:04:38,236
You must find the jade monkey
83
00:04:38,319 --> 00:04:40,863
before the next full moon.
84
00:04:40,947 --> 00:04:42,865
Actually, sir,
we found the jade monkey.
85
00:04:42,949 --> 00:04:44,742
It was in
your glove compartment.
86
00:04:44,826 --> 00:04:45,886
And the road maps
and ice scraper?
87
00:04:45,910 --> 00:04:47,078
They were in there too, sir.
88
00:04:47,161 --> 00:04:49,205
Excellent!
89
00:04:49,289 --> 00:04:51,249
It's all falling into place.
90
00:04:51,332 --> 00:04:53,626
I think this is
a great opportunity.
91
00:04:53,710 --> 00:04:54,961
You could learn so much.
92
00:04:55,044 --> 00:04:56,129
Maybe you're right.
93
00:04:56,212 --> 00:04:58,131
I did always want
to go to college.
94
00:04:58,214 --> 00:05:00,967
But fate stood in the way.
95
00:05:03,177 --> 00:05:05,972
Homer, sign this application
and you're a shoo-in.
96
00:05:08,182 --> 00:05:09,809
That dog has somebody's ham!
97
00:05:09,892 --> 00:05:10,977
This I gotta see!
98
00:05:13,938 --> 00:05:16,107
Give me that ham,
you stupid dog!
99
00:05:24,949 --> 00:05:27,327
Dad, don't let these
application essays throw you.
100
00:05:27,410 --> 00:05:29,704
Let's see: "List your three
favorite books
101
00:05:29,787 --> 00:05:31,497
and how they've
influenced your life."
102
00:05:31,581 --> 00:05:32,749
- Is TV Guide a book?
- No.
103
00:05:32,832 --> 00:05:34,083
- Son of Sniglet?
- No.
104
00:05:34,167 --> 00:05:35,918
- Katherine Hepburn's "Me"?
- No!
105
00:05:36,002 --> 00:05:37,670
I suck!
106
00:05:37,754 --> 00:05:40,757
It was the most I ever threw up,
107
00:05:40,840 --> 00:05:42,800
and it changed my life forever.
108
00:05:42,884 --> 00:05:44,719
You the man, Homer!
109
00:05:44,802 --> 00:05:47,555
Thanks, boy.
Now for the crowning touch.
110
00:05:50,391 --> 00:05:51,684
I don't know, Dad.
111
00:05:51,768 --> 00:05:53,048
Don't you have a better picture?
112
00:05:53,102 --> 00:05:54,729
Relax. A photo
can't make any difference.
113
00:05:57,398 --> 00:05:59,067
- He looks crazy.
- Agreed.
114
00:05:59,150 --> 00:06:01,486
Reading his essay would
only waste valuable seconds.
115
00:06:01,569 --> 00:06:03,946
Finally,
the great taste of Worcestershire sauce
116
00:06:04,030 --> 00:06:05,948
in a soft drink!
117
00:06:06,032 --> 00:06:08,076
Steaky!
118
00:06:08,159 --> 00:06:09,553
Sorry, son, but there's
a program about campus life
119
00:06:09,577 --> 00:06:11,329
that I really should watch.
120
00:06:11,412 --> 00:06:14,165
We now return to
"School of Hard Knockers,"
121
00:06:14,248 --> 00:06:15,792
starring Corey Masterson.
122
00:06:15,875 --> 00:06:17,794
Dean Bitterman,
123
00:06:17,877 --> 00:06:20,671
I hope nothing unsavory
happens during my visit.
124
00:06:20,755 --> 00:06:23,091
As you know, I am
the president of the United States.
125
00:06:23,174 --> 00:06:24,634
Don't worry.
126
00:06:24,717 --> 00:06:26,302
I've expelled
those rowdy members
127
00:06:26,386 --> 00:06:28,346
of Chug-a-Lug House.
128
00:06:28,429 --> 00:06:31,307
I hate that lousy dean.
129
00:06:33,434 --> 00:06:35,853
Your bra bomb better work,
Nerdlinger.
130
00:06:35,937 --> 00:06:37,772
Kay!
131
00:06:41,192 --> 00:06:43,111
Cory!
132
00:06:43,194 --> 00:06:45,238
Don't worry, Mr. President.
133
00:06:45,321 --> 00:06:48,116
I... Mr. President!
134
00:06:48,199 --> 00:06:49,826
Lighten up, Bitterman!
135
00:06:49,909 --> 00:06:51,244
That youngster will make
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00:06:51,327 --> 00:06:53,121
a perfect addition
to my cabinet.
137
00:06:53,204 --> 00:06:56,124
Secretary of partying down!
138
00:06:59,627 --> 00:07:01,921
Yes!
Take that, Bitterman!
139
00:07:02,004 --> 00:07:03,423
Homie, here are the responses
140
00:07:03,506 --> 00:07:05,091
from the colleges
you applied to.
141
00:07:06,926 --> 00:07:08,010
D'
142
00:07:08,094 --> 00:07:10,012
D'D'
143
00:07:10,096 --> 00:07:13,099
Whoo-hoo! A flyer
for a hardware store!
144
00:07:13,182 --> 00:07:15,768
- D'
-Well, Pop, what are you gonna do?
145
00:07:15,852 --> 00:07:19,939
Something I should have done
a long time ago.
146
00:07:21,983 --> 00:07:24,777
- You don't know, do you?
- No, ma'am.
147
00:07:24,861 --> 00:07:26,737
Don't worry, Simpson.
148
00:07:26,821 --> 00:07:29,657
It just so happens
I have a chair
149
00:07:29,740 --> 00:07:30,780
at Springfield University.
150
00:07:34,579 --> 00:07:37,373
I'm sorry, Mr. Burns,
but I must object.
151
00:07:37,457 --> 00:07:38,657
This Simpson is not qualified.
152
00:07:39,750 --> 00:07:41,252
I see.
153
00:07:41,335 --> 00:07:43,045
Well, you know, fellas,
154
00:07:43,129 --> 00:07:44,815
I look at the admissions board
a lot like a baseball team.
155
00:07:44,839 --> 00:07:46,674
You all like baseball,
don't you?
156
00:07:49,010 --> 00:07:51,095
Yes, well, to have
a successful baseball club
157
00:07:51,179 --> 00:07:52,930
you need teamwork.
158
00:07:53,014 --> 00:07:54,849
Not some hot-dog
admissions officer
159
00:07:54,932 --> 00:07:56,350
playing by his own rules!
160
00:08:00,438 --> 00:08:02,148
Excuse me.
What are you doing?
161
00:08:04,358 --> 00:08:06,694
I'm giving you
the beating of your life!
162
00:08:06,777 --> 00:08:08,779
Look, if... Stop that.
163
00:08:08,863 --> 00:08:11,103
If you wanted him that badly,
why didn't you just say so?
164
00:08:12,742 --> 00:08:16,329
Smithers, dismember the corpse
and send his widow a corsage.
165
00:08:16,412 --> 00:08:18,956
Whoo-hoo!
I'm a college man!
166
00:08:19,040 --> 00:08:22,293
I won't need
my high school diploma anymore!
167
00:08:22,376 --> 00:08:25,505
♪ I am so smart,
I am so smart ♪
168
00:08:25,588 --> 00:08:28,883
♪ I am so smart,
I am so smart ♪
169
00:08:28,966 --> 00:08:31,928
♪ S-m-r-t
I mean, s-m-a-r-r-t ♪♪
170
00:08:40,603 --> 00:08:42,230
My first day of college.
171
00:08:42,313 --> 00:08:44,357
I wish my father
was alive to see this.
172
00:08:44,440 --> 00:08:46,692
- Hey!
- How long have you been back there?
173
00:08:46,776 --> 00:08:47,860
Three days.
174
00:08:50,571 --> 00:08:53,491
Nerd!
175
00:08:53,574 --> 00:08:55,493
Homer, that isn't very nice.
176
00:08:55,576 --> 00:08:57,495
Marge, try to understand.
177
00:08:57,578 --> 00:08:59,830
There are two kinds
of college students:
178
00:08:59,914 --> 00:09:01,499
jocks and nerds.
179
00:09:01,582 --> 00:09:05,127
As a jock, it is my duty
to give nerds a hard time.
180
00:09:05,211 --> 00:09:06,337
Hey, pal!
181
00:09:06,420 --> 00:09:08,005
Did you get a load of the nerd?
182
00:09:08,089 --> 00:09:09,340
Pardon me?
183
00:09:09,423 --> 00:09:12,218
♪♪
184
00:09:21,352 --> 00:09:23,813
I'll be a campus hero.
185
00:09:28,192 --> 00:09:30,032
Attention, everyone.
The punch has been spiked!
186
00:09:31,612 --> 00:09:33,531
Don't worry.
Your parents have been called
187
00:09:33,614 --> 00:09:34,800
and will be here
to pick you up shortly!
188
00:09:34,824 --> 00:09:36,325
Yay!
189
00:09:36,409 --> 00:09:39,579
Marge, someone squeezed all
the life out of these kids.
190
00:09:39,662 --> 00:09:42,248
And unless movies and TV
have lied to me,
191
00:09:42,331 --> 00:09:45,167
it's a crusty, bitter, old dean.
192
00:09:45,251 --> 00:09:47,128
Hi there. Hello,
I'm Dean Peterson,
193
00:09:47,211 --> 00:09:48,230
but you can call me Bobby.
194
00:09:48,254 --> 00:09:49,922
I just want you to know,
195
00:09:50,006 --> 00:09:52,425
if you ever feel stressed out
from studying or whatever,
196
00:09:52,508 --> 00:09:54,385
I'm always up
for some hacky sack.
197
00:09:54,468 --> 00:09:57,221
Or if you just want to
come by and jam,
198
00:09:57,305 --> 00:09:59,390
I used to be the bass
player for the Pretenders.
199
00:09:59,473 --> 00:10:01,350
♪♪
200
00:10:01,434 --> 00:10:03,978
Boy, I can't wait to take
some of the starch
201
00:10:04,061 --> 00:10:05,146
out of that stuffed shirt.
202
00:10:07,106 --> 00:10:11,110
Good morning and welcome
to Nuclear Physics 101.
203
00:10:11,193 --> 00:10:15,156
I see a lot of new faces,
but you know the old saying...
204
00:10:15,239 --> 00:10:18,534
"Out with the old,
in with the nucleus."
205
00:10:19,952 --> 00:10:22,038
Now we'll begin by... Oops.
206
00:10:26,584 --> 00:10:29,086
Did you see that jerk?
207
00:10:31,505 --> 00:10:33,507
Dropped his notes!
208
00:10:38,512 --> 00:10:40,890
Now, if anyone
would like to stay,
209
00:10:40,973 --> 00:10:42,743
I'm going to hold
a comprehensive review session
210
00:10:42,767 --> 00:10:43,767
after every class.
211
00:10:43,809 --> 00:10:45,603
- Do we have to?
- No.
212
00:10:45,686 --> 00:10:49,148
Then kiss my curvy butt
good-bye.
213
00:10:54,612 --> 00:10:56,405
Whoo-hoo!
214
00:10:58,658 --> 00:11:01,160
♪♪
215
00:11:01,243 --> 00:11:03,746
Homer, we have
a perfectly good bookcase.
216
00:11:03,829 --> 00:11:06,415
Yeah, but this is what
they're doing on campus.
217
00:11:06,499 --> 00:11:08,292
Besides, it isn't costing us.
218
00:11:08,376 --> 00:11:10,416
I swiped the cinder blocks
from a construction site.
219
00:11:11,796 --> 00:11:14,090
Sir, six cinder blocks
are missing.
220
00:11:14,173 --> 00:11:15,549
There'll be no hospital then.
221
00:11:15,633 --> 00:11:17,468
I'll tell the children.
222
00:11:17,551 --> 00:11:20,680
This proton accelerator
destabilizes the atom
223
00:11:20,763 --> 00:11:23,265
in this chamber here,
then propels it...
224
00:11:23,349 --> 00:11:25,768
Excuse me, Professor Brainiac,
225
00:11:25,851 --> 00:11:29,105
but I worked in
a nuclear power plant for 10 years,
226
00:11:29,188 --> 00:11:32,650
and, I think I know
how a proton accelerator works.
227
00:11:32,733 --> 00:11:34,610
Well, please come down
and show us.
228
00:11:34,694 --> 00:11:36,821
All right. I will.
229
00:11:40,741 --> 00:11:43,411
- In there, guys.
- Thanks, Homer.
230
00:11:43,494 --> 00:11:45,663
Homer, no one blames you
for the accident.
231
00:11:45,746 --> 00:11:48,040
We simply feel
you might benefit with
232
00:11:48,124 --> 00:11:49,164
a little outside tutoring.
233
00:11:49,208 --> 00:11:51,210
I researched these names myself.
234
00:11:51,293 --> 00:11:53,796
Yeah, you won this round, Dean,
235
00:11:53,879 --> 00:11:56,090
but the war isn't over.
236
00:11:57,425 --> 00:11:59,427
Hello.
237
00:11:59,510 --> 00:12:01,762
Hello, Dean.
You're a stupid-head!
238
00:12:01,846 --> 00:12:03,681
Homer, is that you?
239
00:12:09,103 --> 00:12:10,938
Hiya, gang.
240
00:12:11,021 --> 00:12:13,274
Intruder alert.
Intruder alert.
241
00:12:13,357 --> 00:12:14,608
Stop the humanoid.
242
00:12:16,652 --> 00:12:18,612
Look, I'm supposed to
get a physics tutor.
243
00:12:18,696 --> 00:12:20,376
Well, you've come to
the right place, then.
244
00:12:20,406 --> 00:12:22,126
If there's one thing we know,
it is science.
245
00:12:22,199 --> 00:12:23,617
And math.
246
00:12:23,701 --> 00:12:25,911
And the words to every
Monty Python routine.
247
00:12:25,995 --> 00:12:28,998
We are the knights
who say "Ni!"
248
00:12:29,081 --> 00:12:31,625
Ni! Ni! Ni!
249
00:12:31,709 --> 00:12:33,586
Ni.
250
00:12:33,669 --> 00:12:36,255
We played Dungeons & Dragons
251
00:12:36,338 --> 00:12:37,715
for three hours.
252
00:12:37,798 --> 00:12:39,550
Then I was slain by an elf.
253
00:12:39,633 --> 00:12:42,386
Listen to yourself, man.
You're hangin' with nerds.
254
00:12:42,470 --> 00:12:44,597
- You take that back!
- Homer, please.
255
00:12:44,680 --> 00:12:47,558
These boys sound very nice,
but they're clearly nerds.
256
00:12:47,641 --> 00:12:49,643
Really? But nerds
are my mortal enemy.
257
00:12:49,727 --> 00:12:51,437
Dad, nerds are nothing to fear.
258
00:12:51,520 --> 00:12:53,773
In fact, they've done some
pretty memorable things.
259
00:12:53,856 --> 00:12:55,483
Some nerds of note include
260
00:12:55,566 --> 00:12:57,651
popcorn magnate
Orville Redenbacher,
261
00:12:57,735 --> 00:12:59,445
rock star David Byrne,
262
00:12:59,528 --> 00:13:01,572
and supreme court justice
David Souter.
263
00:13:01,655 --> 00:13:03,783
Not Souter!
264
00:13:03,866 --> 00:13:05,910
No!
265
00:13:07,620 --> 00:13:09,431
Come on, Mr. Simpson.
You'll never pass this course
266
00:13:09,455 --> 00:13:11,791
if you don't know
the periodic table.
267
00:13:11,874 --> 00:13:13,834
I'll write it on my hand.
268
00:13:13,918 --> 00:13:16,962
Including all known
lanthanides and actinides?
269
00:13:17,046 --> 00:13:19,882
Good luck.
270
00:13:19,965 --> 00:13:22,176
Come on, guys.
271
00:13:22,259 --> 00:13:25,346
Look at yourselves!
All you do is study.
272
00:13:25,429 --> 00:13:26,722
I'm gonna show you
273
00:13:26,806 --> 00:13:28,766
the true meaning of college.
274
00:13:28,849 --> 00:13:31,811
We're gonna go out and par-ty!
275
00:13:31,894 --> 00:13:33,038
Wait a minute.
I'll put on my snow pants.
276
00:13:33,062 --> 00:13:34,647
- Me too.
- Me too.
277
00:13:34,730 --> 00:13:37,483
The college road trip.
278
00:13:37,566 --> 00:13:39,944
What better way to spread
beer-fueled mayhem?
279
00:13:40,027 --> 00:13:41,153
If you're going for a ride,
280
00:13:41,237 --> 00:13:42,947
I'd like you to take
Bart and Lisa.
281
00:13:43,030 --> 00:13:46,909
But, Marge, we're college guys,
and we're up to no good.
282
00:13:46,992 --> 00:13:49,620
Mr. Simpson, Gary spilled
his ear medicine.
283
00:13:51,789 --> 00:13:53,958
Those baby ducks were so cute.
284
00:13:54,041 --> 00:13:56,669
I can't believe they let us
walk right up and feed them.
285
00:13:56,752 --> 00:13:59,463
- I need to go to the bathroom.
- We stopped five minutes ago.
286
00:13:59,547 --> 00:14:00,732
Yeah, but someone
knocked on the door,
287
00:14:00,756 --> 00:14:01,756
and I couldn't go.
288
00:14:01,799 --> 00:14:03,384
I'm telling you.
289
00:14:03,467 --> 00:14:06,971
A big, crazy prank is just
what the doctor ordered.
290
00:14:07,054 --> 00:14:09,765
The dean will go nuts.
291
00:14:09,849 --> 00:14:11,642
I got it!
292
00:14:11,725 --> 00:14:15,354
We wait by his mailbox,
and when he comes outside,
293
00:14:15,437 --> 00:14:18,357
we roll him up in a carpet
and throw him off a bridge!
294
00:14:26,615 --> 00:14:29,618
So it's a prank
you're looking for, is it?
295
00:14:29,702 --> 00:14:31,704
I'll give you your prank.
296
00:14:31,787 --> 00:14:33,747
The only other college
in 50 miles
297
00:14:33,831 --> 00:14:34,832
is Springfield A&M,
298
00:14:34,915 --> 00:14:37,001
so they're our best target.
299
00:14:37,084 --> 00:14:38,502
Those bastards.
300
00:14:38,586 --> 00:14:40,588
Meet Sir Oinkcelot,
301
00:14:40,671 --> 00:14:43,007
the beloved mascot
of Springfield A&M.
302
00:14:43,090 --> 00:14:46,176
Here he is presiding
over last year's homecoming.
303
00:14:46,260 --> 00:14:47,887
Here he is conferring
an honorary degree
304
00:14:47,970 --> 00:14:49,305
on Richard Nixon.
305
00:14:49,388 --> 00:14:51,515
And here he is rolling
in his own filth.
306
00:14:51,599 --> 00:14:55,853
Gentlemen, I propose
we kidnap Sir Oinkcelot.
307
00:14:55,936 --> 00:14:57,396
And then we roll him up
in a carpet
308
00:14:57,479 --> 00:14:59,648
and throw him off a bridge!
309
00:14:59,732 --> 00:15:02,568
What?
310
00:15:08,991 --> 00:15:10,492
Look,
311
00:15:10,576 --> 00:15:11,785
you pull its tail straight,
312
00:15:11,869 --> 00:15:13,871
and it curls
right back up again.
313
00:15:13,954 --> 00:15:16,790
Curly, straight.
Curly, straight.
314
00:15:16,874 --> 00:15:18,154
Curly, straight.
Curly, straight.
315
00:15:19,835 --> 00:15:22,296
Mr. Simpson, I don't think
he likes that.
316
00:15:22,379 --> 00:15:26,425
Of course he does.
He's a cute little piggy.
317
00:15:26,508 --> 00:15:29,470
Curly, straight.
Curly, straight.
318
00:15:29,553 --> 00:15:32,681
- Why, you little...
- Mr. Simpson, stop!
319
00:15:32,765 --> 00:15:34,850
It's a defenseless animal!
320
00:15:36,769 --> 00:15:39,313
Hey, the pig's
acting kinda funny.
321
00:15:39,396 --> 00:15:41,523
He and Mr. Simpson split
a case of malt liquor.
322
00:15:41,607 --> 00:15:44,109
Guys, he's really sick.
323
00:15:44,193 --> 00:15:47,947
Hello! That sounds like
a pig fainting.
324
00:15:53,035 --> 00:15:54,954
I'm sorry, boys.
325
00:15:55,037 --> 00:15:56,664
I-I've never expelled
anyone before,
326
00:15:56,747 --> 00:15:59,249
but that pig
had some powerful friends.
327
00:15:59,333 --> 00:16:02,002
You'll pay.
Don't think you won't pay!
328
00:16:05,589 --> 00:16:06,882
Guys, believe me.
329
00:16:06,966 --> 00:16:08,759
I didn't mean
to get you expelled.
330
00:16:08,842 --> 00:16:10,386
Don't worry, Mr. Simpson.
331
00:16:10,469 --> 00:16:12,179
We can take care of ourselves.
332
00:16:13,639 --> 00:16:15,557
Wallet inspector.
333
00:16:15,641 --> 00:16:16,934
Here you go.
334
00:16:17,017 --> 00:16:18,227
I believe that's all in order.
335
00:16:18,310 --> 00:16:20,562
I can't believe that worked!
336
00:16:20,646 --> 00:16:24,775
Hey! That's not
the wallet inspector.
337
00:16:33,075 --> 00:16:35,327
Marge, they don't have
anywhere to stay.
338
00:16:35,411 --> 00:16:36,495
And they're geniuses.
339
00:16:36,578 --> 00:16:37,997
They'll solve all our problems.
340
00:16:38,080 --> 00:16:40,040
They'll elevate us to the status
341
00:16:40,124 --> 00:16:41,583
of kings on earth!
342
00:16:41,667 --> 00:16:43,877
Mr. Simpson,
we all have nosebleeds.
343
00:16:43,961 --> 00:16:45,713
For the love of...
344
00:16:50,884 --> 00:16:53,887
What's wrong with this phone?
It's making crazy noises.
345
00:16:53,971 --> 00:16:56,890
Those crazy noises
are computer signals.
346
00:16:56,974 --> 00:16:59,143
Yeah, some guys at M.I.T. are
sending us reasons why
347
00:16:59,226 --> 00:17:01,812
Captain Picard
is better than Captain Kirk.
348
00:17:01,895 --> 00:17:04,565
Ha! They're out
of their minds.
349
00:17:08,068 --> 00:17:09,695
I heard about this.
350
00:17:09,778 --> 00:17:12,656
This is the one where Scratchy
finally gets Itchy.
351
00:17:12,740 --> 00:17:13,949
Wow!
352
00:17:39,892 --> 00:17:43,187
My purpose in life
is to witness this moment.
353
00:17:48,108 --> 00:17:49,735
We need the outlet
for our rock tumbler.
354
00:17:49,818 --> 00:17:51,195
Plug it in! Plug it in!
355
00:17:51,278 --> 00:17:53,113
What, the rock tumbler
or the TV?
356
00:17:53,197 --> 00:17:54,782
The TV! The TV!
357
00:17:56,408 --> 00:17:59,244
♪ ...show ♪
358
00:17:59,328 --> 00:18:01,955
Wow! They'll never
let us show that again,
359
00:18:02,039 --> 00:18:04,041
not in a million years!
360
00:18:07,878 --> 00:18:11,632
Dad, start digging
some nerd holes.
361
00:18:11,715 --> 00:18:14,426
It's bad enough they put their
retainers in the dishwasher.
362
00:18:14,510 --> 00:18:15,928
Can't we do something?
363
00:18:16,011 --> 00:18:18,639
Look, I'm sure we can
work something out
364
00:18:18,722 --> 00:18:20,933
where we can all live
in harmony. Right, Marge?
365
00:18:21,016 --> 00:18:23,227
No, I want those geeks
out of my house.
366
00:18:23,310 --> 00:18:25,938
You really think you can
get us back into college?
367
00:18:26,021 --> 00:18:27,314
Absolutely.
368
00:18:27,397 --> 00:18:30,317
Now, the only antidote
to a zany scheme
369
00:18:30,400 --> 00:18:32,194
is an even zanier scheme!
370
00:18:32,277 --> 00:18:34,113
Why does it have to be zany?
371
00:18:34,196 --> 00:18:36,198
I've got it!
372
00:18:36,281 --> 00:18:37,574
We're gonna fix it
373
00:18:37,658 --> 00:18:40,077
so you guys save
the dean's life.
374
00:18:40,160 --> 00:18:43,038
Perfect.
375
00:18:48,961 --> 00:18:50,546
Okay, guys.
376
00:18:50,629 --> 00:18:53,090
We push him out of the way
in exactly three seconds.
377
00:18:53,173 --> 00:18:55,092
Should we correct
for wind resistance?
378
00:18:55,175 --> 00:18:57,594
Possibly.
What do you think?
379
00:18:57,678 --> 00:18:59,847
My.
380
00:18:59,930 --> 00:19:03,600
Well, Dean, I'm really sorry
for the running-you-over prank.
381
00:19:03,684 --> 00:19:05,102
Prank?
382
00:19:05,185 --> 00:19:07,187
And all those other pranks
were my idea too.
383
00:19:07,271 --> 00:19:09,940
I'm the one
who should be expelled.
384
00:19:10,023 --> 00:19:11,525
Well, I'm touched
by your honesty.
385
00:19:11,608 --> 00:19:13,068
And who knows...
386
00:19:13,152 --> 00:19:15,612
Perhaps I've been a bit
of an ogre myself.
387
00:19:15,696 --> 00:19:17,614
- Yes, you have.
- How's this?
388
00:19:17,698 --> 00:19:19,783
I'll re-admit your friends,
389
00:19:19,867 --> 00:19:22,119
and we'll forget this whole
silly incident ever occurred.
390
00:19:22,202 --> 00:19:24,830
Dean.
This is what your new hip
391
00:19:24,913 --> 00:19:25,956
is going to look like.
392
00:19:27,416 --> 00:19:29,877
You're gonna have to
go easy on it.
393
00:19:29,960 --> 00:19:33,172
It's good to be back
after all these weeks.
394
00:19:33,255 --> 00:19:35,132
Better check our
answering machine?
395
00:19:35,215 --> 00:19:38,635
Number of
messages received: zero.
396
00:19:40,262 --> 00:19:42,472
We really want to
thank you, Mr. Simpson.
397
00:19:42,556 --> 00:19:44,558
No problem, guys.
398
00:19:44,641 --> 00:19:47,269
The important thing
is that we wrapped up
399
00:19:47,352 --> 00:19:49,897
all the loose ends.
400
00:19:49,980 --> 00:19:51,648
So, in conclusion,
401
00:19:51,732 --> 00:19:54,151
good luck on tomorrow's
big final exam.
402
00:19:54,234 --> 00:19:56,153
Exam?
403
00:19:56,236 --> 00:19:57,876
This is just like one
of those bad dreams!
404
00:19:59,239 --> 00:20:02,242
What are you gonna do,
Mr. Simpson?
405
00:20:02,326 --> 00:20:04,453
Actually, I've been
working on a plan.
406
00:20:04,536 --> 00:20:07,247
During the exam,
I'll hide under some coats,
407
00:20:07,331 --> 00:20:09,833
and hope that somehow
everything will work out.
408
00:20:09,917 --> 00:20:11,293
Or with our help,
409
00:20:11,376 --> 00:20:15,088
you can cram like you've
never crammed before!
410
00:20:15,172 --> 00:20:16,381
Whatever.
Either way is good.
411
00:20:31,313 --> 00:20:33,398
Whoo-hoo!
412
00:20:37,444 --> 00:20:39,988
Man. I can't believe
you failed.
413
00:20:40,072 --> 00:20:42,032
I'm gonna lose my job
414
00:20:42,115 --> 00:20:44,826
just 'cause I'm
dangerously unqualified!
415
00:20:44,910 --> 00:20:46,662
Mr. Simpson,
there is a way.
416
00:20:46,745 --> 00:20:47,996
We could, well,
417
00:20:48,080 --> 00:20:49,790
use a computer
to change your grade.
418
00:20:49,873 --> 00:20:51,917
Computers can do that?
419
00:20:52,000 --> 00:20:55,295
Yes. The only problem is
the moral dilemma it raises,
420
00:20:55,379 --> 00:20:56,880
which requires...
421
00:20:56,964 --> 00:20:59,299
I love... Moral whuzzah?
422
00:20:59,383 --> 00:21:02,469
An A-plus!
How did you do it?
423
00:21:02,552 --> 00:21:05,180
Let's just say I had help from
424
00:21:05,264 --> 00:21:07,307
a little magic box.
425
00:21:07,391 --> 00:21:08,743
You changed your grade
with a computer?
426
00:21:08,767 --> 00:21:09,767
D'
427
00:21:09,810 --> 00:21:11,061
Way to go, Dad!
428
00:21:11,144 --> 00:21:12,437
Look, the important thing
429
00:21:12,521 --> 00:21:14,773
is that we all learned a lesson.
430
00:21:14,856 --> 00:21:17,150
These guys learned
the richness and variety
431
00:21:17,234 --> 00:21:19,319
of the world outside college.
432
00:21:19,403 --> 00:21:20,737
No, we didn't.
433
00:21:20,821 --> 00:21:23,907
Then I learned
the real value of college
434
00:21:23,991 --> 00:21:25,867
is to study and work hard.
435
00:21:25,951 --> 00:21:27,119
No, you didn't.
436
00:21:27,202 --> 00:21:29,329
You only passed
your course by cheating,
437
00:21:29,413 --> 00:21:30,765
which you always taught us
was wrong.
438
00:21:30,789 --> 00:21:33,542
- True.
- And I learned that
439
00:21:33,625 --> 00:21:35,665
in order for you to set
a good example for your son,
440
00:21:35,711 --> 00:21:38,255
you're gonna take that course
over again without cheating.
441
00:21:38,338 --> 00:21:39,756
Marge!
442
00:21:39,840 --> 00:21:42,134
You're worse than
that crusty old dean.
443
00:21:43,927 --> 00:21:45,971
Well, I guess it's back
to college for me.
444
00:21:46,054 --> 00:21:49,308
And that means it's time to...
What did I teach you guys?
445
00:21:49,391 --> 00:21:51,560
Par-ty down?
446
00:21:51,643 --> 00:21:53,395
Yes!
447
00:21:53,478 --> 00:21:56,773
♪♪
448
00:21:56,857 --> 00:22:00,944
♪ Louie, Louie,
no ♪
449
00:22:01,028 --> 00:22:03,030
♪ We gotta go ♪
450
00:22:03,113 --> 00:22:06,575
♪ Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah
I said, Louie, Louie ♪
451
00:22:06,658 --> 00:22:10,370
♪ Baby
we gotta go ♪
452
00:22:12,247 --> 00:22:16,793
♪ A fine little girl
waits for me ♪
453
00:22:16,877 --> 00:22:20,881
♪ Catch a ship
across the sea ♪
454
00:22:20,964 --> 00:22:24,009
♪ Sail that ship about
all alone ♪
455
00:22:24,092 --> 00:22:27,888
♪ We never think how
I'll make it home ♪
456
00:22:27,971 --> 00:22:31,641
♪ Louie, Louie,
no, no, no ♪
457
00:22:31,725 --> 00:22:33,685
♪ We gotta go ♪
458
00:22:33,769 --> 00:22:38,357
♪ No,
said Louie, Louie ♪
459
00:22:38,440 --> 00:22:41,234
♪ Baby,
say that we gotta go ♪
460
00:22:44,196 --> 00:22:45,614
Shh!
461
00:22:48,658 --> 00:22:51,536
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