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♪ The Simpsons ♪
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D'
3
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Aah!
4
00:01:22,373 --> 00:01:26,628
♪♪
5
00:01:27,879 --> 00:01:30,423
Yabba dabba doo!
6
00:01:35,011 --> 00:01:37,680
♪ Simpson, Homer Simpson ♪
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♪ He's the greatest guy
in history ♪
8
00:01:42,060 --> 00:01:44,979
♪ From the town
of Springfield ♪
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00:01:45,063 --> 00:01:48,108
♪ He's about to hit
a chestnut tree ♪
10
00:01:48,191 --> 00:01:49,191
Aah!
11
00:01:51,528 --> 00:01:53,822
What do they do with these
after we seal them?
12
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I hear they dump 'em
in an abandoned chalk mine
13
00:01:56,491 --> 00:01:58,451
and cover 'em with cement.
14
00:01:58,535 --> 00:02:00,471
I hear they're sending them to
one of those southern states
15
00:02:00,495 --> 00:02:01,871
where the governor's a crook.
16
00:02:01,955 --> 00:02:03,998
Either way,
I'm sleeping good tonight.
17
00:02:14,134 --> 00:02:16,719
Well, sir, where shall
we dump this batch?
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- The playground?
- No.
19
00:02:18,805 --> 00:02:22,100
All those bald children
are arousing suspicion.
20
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To the park!
21
00:02:27,564 --> 00:02:28,773
I think it's full, sir.
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That's ridiculous.
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The last tree held nine drums.
24
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Agent Malone,
Environmental Protection Agency.
25
00:02:46,374 --> 00:02:48,835
Some Boy Scouts stumbled
on your little game
26
00:02:48,918 --> 00:02:50,378
of "hide the ooze."
27
00:02:54,299 --> 00:02:56,092
Mr. Burns,
28
00:02:56,176 --> 00:02:59,512
in light of your unbelievable
contempt for human life,
29
00:02:59,596 --> 00:03:02,515
this court fines you $3 million.
30
00:03:02,599 --> 00:03:05,852
Smithers, my wallet's
in my right front pocket.
31
00:03:08,479 --> 00:03:11,941
And I'll take
that statue of justice, too.
32
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Sold!
33
00:03:16,404 --> 00:03:18,740
Andy Capp,
you wife-beating drunk.
34
00:03:18,823 --> 00:03:20,074
Heh heh heh heh.
35
00:03:20,158 --> 00:03:22,285
Ooh, there's going to be
a town meeting
36
00:03:22,368 --> 00:03:25,330
to decide how to spend
Mr. Burns' money.
37
00:03:25,413 --> 00:03:26,706
What a boon it could be
38
00:03:26,789 --> 00:03:29,000
for our underfunded
public schools.
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00:03:30,960 --> 00:03:33,880
Children, it's time
for your history lesson.
40
00:03:33,963 --> 00:03:35,798
Put on your
virtual reality helmets.
41
00:03:39,510 --> 00:03:41,638
Excellent.
42
00:03:41,721 --> 00:03:42,931
Hello, Lisa.
43
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I'm Genghis Khan.
44
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You'll go where I go,
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00:03:46,309 --> 00:03:48,228
defile what I defile,
46
00:03:48,311 --> 00:03:50,355
eat who I eat?
47
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Come on, Lis, we both know
how this money should...
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Nay, must be spent.
49
00:04:05,495 --> 00:04:07,413
Gaa!
50
00:04:07,497 --> 00:04:09,791
Bart, we'll do anything
you want.
51
00:04:09,874 --> 00:04:13,211
Just call off
your giant mechanical ants.
52
00:04:14,254 --> 00:04:15,421
Whoa!
53
00:04:18,216 --> 00:04:20,260
Well, I think we should
spend the money on something
54
00:04:20,343 --> 00:04:22,679
the whole town can be proud of.
55
00:04:22,762 --> 00:04:25,515
Like a giant billboard
that says, "No fat chicks"?
56
00:04:25,598 --> 00:04:26,598
No.
57
00:04:30,603 --> 00:04:33,523
Ooh, it looks like everyone in
Springfield showed up for this.
58
00:04:33,606 --> 00:04:35,733
Ha ha!
59
00:04:37,068 --> 00:04:39,821
Could this town be any stupider?
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00:04:39,904 --> 00:04:43,157
Order. Please rise
for the Pledge of Allegiance.
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00:04:43,241 --> 00:04:44,575
Get to the money!
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00:04:44,659 --> 00:04:46,244
In a moment.
63
00:04:46,327 --> 00:04:47,888
First, let's review the minutes
from our last meeting.
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00:04:47,912 --> 00:04:49,539
- Get to the money!
- Get to the money!
65
00:04:49,622 --> 00:04:51,165
Get to the money!
66
00:04:51,249 --> 00:04:52,583
Very well.
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00:04:52,667 --> 00:04:54,377
We will now hear suggestions
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00:04:54,460 --> 00:04:57,171
for the, disbursement
of the, $2 million.
69
00:04:57,255 --> 00:04:58,798
Don't you mean $3 million?
70
00:05:00,216 --> 00:05:02,051
Of course.
How silly of me.
71
00:05:02,135 --> 00:05:03,428
Excuse me.
72
00:05:03,511 --> 00:05:05,179
We could use the money
to hire firemen
73
00:05:05,263 --> 00:05:07,849
to finally put out that blaze
on the east side of town.
74
00:05:07,932 --> 00:05:09,392
Boring!
75
00:05:09,475 --> 00:05:12,061
Hello.
My name is Mr. Snrub,
76
00:05:12,145 --> 00:05:15,940
and I come from...
someplace far away.
77
00:05:16,024 --> 00:05:18,026
Yes, that will do.
78
00:05:18,109 --> 00:05:20,778
Anyway, I... I say
we invest that money
79
00:05:20,862 --> 00:05:22,447
back in the nuclear plant.
80
00:05:22,530 --> 00:05:24,699
I like the way Snrub thinks.
81
00:05:34,417 --> 00:05:36,961
Pardon me, but I would like
to see this money
82
00:05:37,045 --> 00:05:39,255
spent on more police officers.
83
00:05:39,339 --> 00:05:41,382
I have been shot
eight times this year,
84
00:05:41,466 --> 00:05:44,260
and as a result,
I almost missed work.
85
00:05:44,344 --> 00:05:45,428
Crybaby!
86
00:05:45,511 --> 00:05:49,140
My name is Marge Simpson
and I have an idea.
87
00:05:49,223 --> 00:05:51,517
It may sound a little
boring at first.
88
00:05:51,601 --> 00:05:53,811
Chat away.
I'll just amuse myself
89
00:05:53,895 --> 00:05:56,064
with some pornographic
playing cards.
90
00:05:57,523 --> 00:05:59,067
Well, surely you've all noticed
91
00:05:59,150 --> 00:06:01,986
the terrible condition
Main Street is in.
92
00:06:05,198 --> 00:06:06,741
Many of us have destroyed it
93
00:06:06,824 --> 00:06:08,618
by leaving winter chains
on our tires
94
00:06:08,701 --> 00:06:10,578
and carrying too much weight.
95
00:06:12,538 --> 00:06:15,083
Woo-hoo!
Look at that pavement fly.
96
00:06:15,166 --> 00:06:18,961
And those potholes
are becoming a real nuisance.
97
00:06:23,925 --> 00:06:26,469
Now hold on just one minute.
98
00:06:26,552 --> 00:06:30,056
Sure, we could fix up
Main Street.
99
00:06:30,139 --> 00:06:32,850
We could put all our eggs
in one basket.
100
00:06:34,769 --> 00:06:36,187
Shut up!
101
00:06:36,270 --> 00:06:37,814
I wasn't done yet.
102
00:06:37,897 --> 00:06:40,441
I'm just saying,
we could blow all our money
103
00:06:40,525 --> 00:06:42,902
on a stupid little street, but...
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00:06:45,905 --> 00:06:48,032
I ain't fer it.
105
00:06:48,116 --> 00:06:49,659
I'm agin' it.
106
00:06:49,742 --> 00:06:52,620
Main Street! Main Street! Main Street!
107
00:06:52,703 --> 00:06:54,789
All those in favor
of Grampa Simpson's plan
108
00:06:54,872 --> 00:06:56,916
for rebuilding Main Street,
please...
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00:06:58,501 --> 00:07:00,920
You know, a town with money
is a little like
110
00:07:01,003 --> 00:07:02,880
the mule with a spinning wheel.
111
00:07:02,964 --> 00:07:04,382
No one knows how he got it,
112
00:07:04,465 --> 00:07:06,384
and danged if he knows
how to use it.
113
00:07:08,469 --> 00:07:10,221
Heh, heh... mule.
114
00:07:10,304 --> 00:07:13,224
The name's Lanley, Lyle Lanley,
115
00:07:13,307 --> 00:07:15,184
and I come before
you good people tonight
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00:07:15,268 --> 00:07:17,979
with an idea.
Probably the greatest...
117
00:07:18,062 --> 00:07:19,897
It's not for you.
118
00:07:19,981 --> 00:07:22,900
It's more of a Shelbyville idea.
119
00:07:22,984 --> 00:07:24,986
Now, wait just a minute.
120
00:07:25,069 --> 00:07:27,321
We're twice as smart as
the people of Shelbyville.
121
00:07:27,405 --> 00:07:29,657
Just tell us your idea
and we'll vote for it.
122
00:07:29,740 --> 00:07:32,368
All right,
I tell you what I'll do.
123
00:07:32,452 --> 00:07:34,745
I'll show you my idea.
124
00:07:34,829 --> 00:07:38,374
I give you
the Springfield monorail.
125
00:07:39,917 --> 00:07:42,462
I've sold monorails
to Brockway, Ogdenville,
126
00:07:42,545 --> 00:07:43,921
and North Haverbrook.
127
00:07:44,005 --> 00:07:46,632
And by gum, it put them
on the map.
128
00:07:46,716 --> 00:07:48,384
Well, sir,
there's nothing on earth
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00:07:48,468 --> 00:07:51,262
like a genuine, bona fide,
electrified, six-car monorail.
130
00:07:51,345 --> 00:07:53,055
- What I say?
- Monorail!
131
00:07:53,139 --> 00:07:54,891
- What's it called?
- Monorail.
132
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That's right, monorail!
133
00:07:56,976 --> 00:07:59,020
Monorail! Monorail! Monorail!
134
00:07:59,103 --> 00:08:01,898
♪ I hear those things
are awfully loud ♪
135
00:08:01,981 --> 00:08:04,066
♪ It glides as softly
as a cloud ♪
136
00:08:04,150 --> 00:08:06,027
♪ Is there a chance
the track could bend? ♪
137
00:08:06,110 --> 00:08:08,029
♪ Not on your life,
my Hindu friend ♪
138
00:08:08,112 --> 00:08:10,072
♪ What about us
brain-dead slobs? ♪
139
00:08:10,156 --> 00:08:11,908
♪ You'll be given
cushy jobs ♪
140
00:08:11,991 --> 00:08:13,951
♪ Were you sent here
by the devil? ♪
141
00:08:14,035 --> 00:08:16,078
♪ No, good sir,
I'm on the level ♪
142
00:08:16,162 --> 00:08:17,830
♪ The ring came off
my pudding can ♪
143
00:08:17,914 --> 00:08:19,916
♪ Take my penknife,
my good man ♪
144
00:08:19,999 --> 00:08:21,751
♪ I swear it's Springfield's
only choice ♪
145
00:08:21,834 --> 00:08:23,669
♪ Throw up your hands
and raise your voice ♪
146
00:08:23,753 --> 00:08:24,837
♪ Monorail! ♪
147
00:08:24,921 --> 00:08:26,172
♪ What's it called? ♪
148
00:08:26,255 --> 00:08:27,173
♪ Monorail! ♪
149
00:08:27,256 --> 00:08:28,174
♪ Once again ♪
150
00:08:28,257 --> 00:08:29,759
♪ Monorail! ♪
151
00:08:32,011 --> 00:08:34,138
♪ But Main Street's still
all cracked and broken ♪
152
00:08:34,222 --> 00:08:36,265
♪ Sorry, Mom,
the mob has spoken ♪
153
00:08:36,349 --> 00:08:38,100
♪ Monorail ♪
154
00:08:38,184 --> 00:08:40,186
♪ Monorail ♪
155
00:08:40,269 --> 00:08:43,022
♪ Monorail ♪
156
00:08:43,105 --> 00:08:44,690
Monorail!
157
00:08:44,774 --> 00:08:45,608
Mono...
158
00:08:45,691 --> 00:08:46,691
D'
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00:08:51,531 --> 00:08:53,324
Monorail, monorail, monorail.
160
00:08:53,407 --> 00:08:54,801
I still think we
should have spent the money
161
00:08:54,825 --> 00:08:56,410
to fix Main Street.
162
00:08:56,494 --> 00:08:58,579
Well, you should have written
a song like that guy.
163
00:09:00,289 --> 00:09:02,166
Thank you for coming,
Mr. Lanley.
164
00:09:02,250 --> 00:09:03,417
I'm Miss Hoover.
165
00:09:03,501 --> 00:09:04,502
Miss Hoover?
166
00:09:04,585 --> 00:09:05,962
That is hard to believe.
167
00:09:06,045 --> 00:09:07,547
You.
168
00:09:07,630 --> 00:09:09,507
Now I'm here to answer
any questions
169
00:09:09,590 --> 00:09:11,109
you children may have
about the monorail.
170
00:09:11,133 --> 00:09:12,385
Me! Me! Me!
171
00:09:12,468 --> 00:09:14,804
- Can it outrun The Flash?
- You bet.
172
00:09:14,887 --> 00:09:16,973
Can Superman outrun The Flash?
173
00:09:17,056 --> 00:09:18,975
Sure. Why not?
174
00:09:19,058 --> 00:09:20,893
Hello, little girl.
Wondering if your dolly
175
00:09:20,977 --> 00:09:22,979
can ride the monorail for free?
176
00:09:23,062 --> 00:09:25,815
Hardly. I'd like you
to explain why we should build
177
00:09:25,898 --> 00:09:27,900
a mass transit system
in a small town
178
00:09:27,984 --> 00:09:29,986
with a centralized population.
179
00:09:30,069 --> 00:09:31,654
Young lady,
180
00:09:31,737 --> 00:09:33,322
that's the most
intelligent question
181
00:09:33,406 --> 00:09:35,575
- I've ever been asked.
- Really?
182
00:09:35,658 --> 00:09:37,034
I could give you an answer,
183
00:09:37,118 --> 00:09:38,554
but the only ones
who'd understand it
184
00:09:38,578 --> 00:09:40,037
would be you and me,
185
00:09:40,121 --> 00:09:42,081
and that includes your teacher.
186
00:09:44,166 --> 00:09:45,209
Next question.
187
00:09:45,293 --> 00:09:47,211
You there, eating the paste.
188
00:09:47,295 --> 00:09:49,463
Coming soon, it's
"Truckasaurus: The Movie."
189
00:09:49,547 --> 00:09:51,382
Starring Marlon Brando
190
00:09:51,465 --> 00:09:53,092
as the voice
of John Truckasaurus.
191
00:09:53,175 --> 00:09:54,969
You crazy car.
192
00:09:55,052 --> 00:09:59,098
I don't know whether to
eat you or kiss you.
193
00:09:59,181 --> 00:10:00,850
Celebrity voice impersonated.
194
00:10:00,933 --> 00:10:04,437
- Are you stuck in a dead-end job?
- Maybe.
195
00:10:04,520 --> 00:10:06,564
Are you squandering
the precious gift of life
196
00:10:06,647 --> 00:10:08,816
- in front of the idiot box?
- What's it to you?
197
00:10:08,899 --> 00:10:10,735
Are you on your third beer
of the evening?
198
00:10:10,818 --> 00:10:13,070
Does whiskey count as beer?
199
00:10:13,154 --> 00:10:15,048
Well, maybe it's time you
joined the exciting field
200
00:10:15,072 --> 00:10:16,866
of monorail conducting
201
00:10:16,949 --> 00:10:19,577
by enrolling at
the Lanley Institute.
202
00:10:19,660 --> 00:10:22,121
Actual institute
may not match photo.
203
00:10:22,204 --> 00:10:24,165
Marge, I want to be
a monorail conductor.
204
00:10:24,248 --> 00:10:25,666
Homer, no.
205
00:10:25,750 --> 00:10:27,335
It's my lifelong dream.
206
00:10:27,418 --> 00:10:29,128
Your lifelong dream
207
00:10:29,211 --> 00:10:30,731
was to run out on the field
during a baseball game,
208
00:10:30,755 --> 00:10:32,423
and you did it last year,
remember?
209
00:10:35,843 --> 00:10:37,720
Yeah.
210
00:10:37,803 --> 00:10:40,431
Good evening.
211
00:10:40,514 --> 00:10:42,266
Before we begin,
212
00:10:42,350 --> 00:10:44,018
is anyone here
an investigative reporter?
213
00:10:44,101 --> 00:10:45,603
I am and she is.
214
00:10:45,686 --> 00:10:47,521
Well, I'd like you
to please leave.
215
00:10:47,605 --> 00:10:48,939
Should we take
our hidden camera?
216
00:10:49,023 --> 00:10:51,275
- Would you?
- Let's go, Phil.
217
00:10:53,611 --> 00:10:54,987
"True or false:
218
00:10:55,071 --> 00:10:57,573
You can get mono
from riding the monorail."
219
00:10:57,657 --> 00:10:59,241
False.
220
00:10:59,325 --> 00:11:01,077
No, wait.
Maybe it's true.
221
00:11:01,160 --> 00:11:02,828
No, you were right.
It's false.
222
00:11:02,912 --> 00:11:04,830
Wow, you really are gonna be
223
00:11:04,914 --> 00:11:06,123
a monorail conductor.
224
00:11:06,207 --> 00:11:07,583
That's right, boy.
225
00:11:07,667 --> 00:11:09,710
You know, I used to think
you were stuck
226
00:11:09,794 --> 00:11:11,671
in an emasculating,
go-nowhere job.
227
00:11:11,754 --> 00:11:12,880
Kids.
228
00:11:12,963 --> 00:11:15,966
But now, I want to follow
in your footsteps.
229
00:11:16,050 --> 00:11:18,219
Do you want to change
your name to Homer, Junior?
230
00:11:18,302 --> 00:11:20,513
The kids can call you Hoju.
231
00:11:20,596 --> 00:11:22,431
I'll get back to you.
232
00:11:22,515 --> 00:11:24,642
Come on, keep it coming.
233
00:11:24,725 --> 00:11:25,726
Over.
234
00:11:25,810 --> 00:11:27,269
Over.
235
00:11:29,355 --> 00:11:30,606
Hi, Homer!
236
00:11:32,900 --> 00:11:36,028
I hate that sound.
237
00:11:36,112 --> 00:11:38,072
According to this book,
the monorail goes
238
00:11:38,155 --> 00:11:39,865
over 150 miles an hour.
239
00:11:39,949 --> 00:11:41,200
What if something goes wrong?
240
00:11:41,283 --> 00:11:42,368
What if?
241
00:11:42,451 --> 00:11:44,412
What if I'm taking a shower
242
00:11:44,495 --> 00:11:45,913
and I slip on a bar of soap?
243
00:11:45,996 --> 00:11:47,790
My God, I'd be killed!
244
00:11:47,873 --> 00:11:49,375
It frightens me
that you want to work
245
00:11:49,458 --> 00:11:51,168
on something that's so unsafe.
246
00:11:51,252 --> 00:11:54,213
We monorail conductors
are a crazy breed...
247
00:11:54,296 --> 00:11:55,673
Half in love with death,
248
00:11:55,756 --> 00:11:58,551
gobbling up danger
like ordinary men eat peanuts.
249
00:11:58,634 --> 00:12:00,970
Am I turning you on?
250
00:12:01,053 --> 00:12:03,139
- No.
- What if I undo this button?
251
00:12:03,222 --> 00:12:04,432
Good night, Homer.
252
00:12:04,515 --> 00:12:07,143
What if I talk like this?
253
00:12:07,226 --> 00:12:09,437
What if I sing to you?
254
00:12:09,520 --> 00:12:15,359
♪ I gave my love a chicken
that had no bone... ♪
255
00:12:15,443 --> 00:12:18,696
Chicken.
256
00:12:18,779 --> 00:12:21,782
So, then, mono means "one,"
257
00:12:21,866 --> 00:12:23,784
and rail means "rail,"
258
00:12:23,868 --> 00:12:26,871
and that concludes our
intensive three-week course.
259
00:12:26,954 --> 00:12:28,247
Hey, wait, man!
260
00:12:28,330 --> 00:12:29,790
Who gets to be conductor?
261
00:12:29,874 --> 00:12:31,417
Right, that.
262
00:12:31,500 --> 00:12:34,503
Well, I've been monitoring
your progress closely,
263
00:12:34,587 --> 00:12:36,881
but this gentleman here clearly
stands out above the rest.
264
00:12:36,964 --> 00:12:38,048
Who, me?
265
00:12:38,132 --> 00:12:40,009
- Yeah, sure.
- Woo-hoo!
266
00:12:40,092 --> 00:12:41,719
After an exhaustive search,
267
00:12:41,802 --> 00:12:44,221
Springfield has found
its monorail conductor...
268
00:12:44,305 --> 00:12:46,849
Homer Simpson.
269
00:12:48,976 --> 00:12:50,603
This is the snack holder
270
00:12:50,686 --> 00:12:54,148
where I can put my beverage,
or, if you will, cupcake.
271
00:12:54,231 --> 00:12:56,859
Wow, Dad, you really
know your monorails.
272
00:13:00,488 --> 00:13:03,365
Homer, there's a family
of possums in here.
273
00:13:03,449 --> 00:13:05,367
I call the big one Bitey.
274
00:13:05,451 --> 00:13:07,995
I'm going to
see Mr. Lanley.
275
00:13:10,331 --> 00:13:13,501
Mr. Lanley?
Mr. Lanley?
276
00:13:27,473 --> 00:13:28,474
How much did you see?
277
00:13:28,557 --> 00:13:30,643
Nothing incriminating.
278
00:13:30,726 --> 00:13:33,646
- Good.
- Well, bye.
279
00:13:33,729 --> 00:13:36,690
I don't know why
I leave this lying around.
280
00:13:36,774 --> 00:13:39,819
I've sold monorails
to Brockway, Ogdenville,
281
00:13:39,902 --> 00:13:41,737
and North Haverbrook.
282
00:13:41,821 --> 00:13:44,114
Is there a chance
the track could bend?
283
00:13:44,198 --> 00:13:46,367
I call the big one Bitey.
284
00:13:46,450 --> 00:13:48,494
I've sold monorails
to Brockway, Ogdenville,
285
00:13:48,577 --> 00:13:50,287
and North Haverbrook.
286
00:13:50,371 --> 00:13:52,581
Is there a chance
the track could bend?
287
00:13:52,665 --> 00:13:55,793
I call the big one Bitey.
288
00:14:11,600 --> 00:14:13,185
Go away.
289
00:14:13,269 --> 00:14:15,646
There ain't no monorail,
and there never was.
290
00:14:21,986 --> 00:14:23,112
Excuse me, miss.
291
00:14:23,195 --> 00:14:24,989
You asked about the monorail?
292
00:14:25,072 --> 00:14:26,156
Who are you?
293
00:14:26,240 --> 00:14:28,325
My name is Sebastian Cobb.
294
00:14:28,409 --> 00:14:31,412
Lanley hired me
to build his monorail.
295
00:14:31,495 --> 00:14:32,955
He cut corners everywhere...
296
00:14:33,038 --> 00:14:34,540
Bad wiring, faulty brakes,
297
00:14:34,623 --> 00:14:37,918
and the celebrity on
the maiden voyage was Gallagher.
298
00:14:39,211 --> 00:14:41,046
This is all that's left
299
00:14:41,130 --> 00:14:44,466
of one of the crappiest
trains ever built.
300
00:14:44,550 --> 00:14:47,219
Mr. Cobb,
what can we do?
301
00:14:47,303 --> 00:14:49,847
You just better have
a damn good conductor.
302
00:14:51,181 --> 00:14:52,850
I locked my keys in there.
303
00:14:52,933 --> 00:14:53,933
Get a rock.
304
00:15:00,024 --> 00:15:02,401
Ladies and gentlemen,
nothing brings out the stars
305
00:15:02,484 --> 00:15:04,904
like the maiden voyage
of a monorail.
306
00:15:04,987 --> 00:15:06,655
Everyone's here...
307
00:15:06,739 --> 00:15:09,950
From recently-outed
leading man Dash Calhoun
308
00:15:10,034 --> 00:15:11,619
to Krusty the Clown.
309
00:15:11,702 --> 00:15:12,912
Hey, hey!
310
00:15:12,995 --> 00:15:14,538
Krusty, why won't you
answer my calls?
311
00:15:14,622 --> 00:15:16,624
You've never even seen our son.
312
00:15:19,418 --> 00:15:21,754
Here's one of those lovable
high schoolers
313
00:15:21,837 --> 00:15:24,465
from TV's
"Springfield Heights, 90210."
314
00:15:24,548 --> 00:15:26,926
He's cool.
He's sexy.
315
00:15:27,009 --> 00:15:28,302
He's 34 years old.
316
00:15:28,385 --> 00:15:30,304
Let's hear it for Kyle Derin.
317
00:15:31,847 --> 00:15:33,849
And here's
country singing sensation
318
00:15:33,933 --> 00:15:35,601
Lurline Lumpkin,
319
00:15:35,684 --> 00:15:38,938
fresh from her latest stay
at the Betty Ford Clinic.
320
00:15:40,481 --> 00:15:42,524
What you been up to, Lurline?
321
00:15:42,608 --> 00:15:44,902
I spent last night in a ditch.
322
00:15:44,985 --> 00:15:46,779
How about that, folks?
323
00:15:46,862 --> 00:15:50,115
Now I'd like to turn things
over to our grand marshal,
324
00:15:50,199 --> 00:15:51,992
Mr. Leonard Nimoy.
325
00:15:52,076 --> 00:15:55,621
Heh heh. I'd say this vessel
could do at least warp five.
326
00:15:57,373 --> 00:15:59,291
And let me say,
327
00:15:59,375 --> 00:16:01,919
"May the force
be with you."
328
00:16:02,002 --> 00:16:03,462
Do you even know who I am?
329
00:16:03,545 --> 00:16:04,922
I think I do.
330
00:16:05,005 --> 00:16:06,924
Weren't you one of
the Little Rascals?
331
00:16:09,593 --> 00:16:11,095
Mr. Lanley!
332
00:16:11,178 --> 00:16:13,263
Aren't you gonna ride
the monorail?
333
00:16:13,347 --> 00:16:16,100
Little lady, I'd love to,
but I have to catch a plane.
334
00:16:16,183 --> 00:16:17,768
But the ride only takes
a minute.
335
00:16:17,851 --> 00:16:19,891
Yeah, well, my plane leaves
in less than one minute.
336
00:16:26,944 --> 00:16:28,404
All aboard!
337
00:16:42,668 --> 00:16:44,461
We're too late!
338
00:16:44,545 --> 00:16:47,381
I shouldn't have stopped
for that haircut. Sorry.
339
00:16:55,472 --> 00:16:58,600
Actually, you see, the doors
on "Star Trek" were not mechanical.
340
00:16:58,684 --> 00:17:00,728
We had a stagehand
on either side
341
00:17:00,811 --> 00:17:03,439
who would pull the door open
when he saw you approach.
342
00:17:04,982 --> 00:17:07,359
Stick your head
out the window, boy.
343
00:17:07,443 --> 00:17:08,777
It's the greatest.
344
00:17:08,861 --> 00:17:10,446
Yee-ha!
345
00:17:15,534 --> 00:17:16,785
Aah!
346
00:17:30,466 --> 00:17:31,842
Can't you stop it, Dad?
347
00:17:31,925 --> 00:17:33,052
I'm trying my best.
348
00:17:34,553 --> 00:17:35,888
The lever you have pulled...
349
00:17:35,971 --> 00:17:38,515
"brakes"... is not in service.
350
00:17:38,599 --> 00:17:39,892
Please make a note of it.
351
00:17:39,975 --> 00:17:41,852
How fast are they going?
352
00:17:43,604 --> 00:17:45,898
Well, judging by your
husband's cowardly scream,
353
00:17:45,981 --> 00:17:48,108
- 180 miles an hour.
- Yee!
354
00:17:51,653 --> 00:17:53,739
It's making me dizzy.
355
00:17:53,822 --> 00:17:55,324
I'm gonna take a nap.
356
00:17:55,407 --> 00:17:56,617
All right, I'm in charge here.
357
00:17:56,700 --> 00:17:58,118
Run along, Quimby.
358
00:17:58,202 --> 00:18:00,662
I think they're dedicating
a phone booth somewhere.
359
00:18:00,746 --> 00:18:02,623
Watch it, you talking tub
of doughnut batter.
360
00:18:02,706 --> 00:18:04,625
Hey, I got pictures
of you, Quimby.
361
00:18:04,708 --> 00:18:06,548
You don't scare me.
That could be anyone's ass.
362
00:18:06,627 --> 00:18:09,379
Now beat it.
I'm calling the shots.
363
00:18:09,463 --> 00:18:12,424
I think that sash is cutting
off the air to your brain.
364
00:18:12,508 --> 00:18:16,136
The town charter says that
in an emergency, I run the show.
365
00:18:16,220 --> 00:18:17,489
Well, we'll just see about that.
366
00:18:17,513 --> 00:18:18,889
Let's go to town hall.
367
00:18:18,972 --> 00:18:20,390
Fine!
368
00:18:20,474 --> 00:18:22,893
Should we take one car
or should I follow you?
369
00:18:24,436 --> 00:18:26,647
Hey, according to the charter,
as chief constable,
370
00:18:26,730 --> 00:18:28,607
I'm supposed to get
a pig every month.
371
00:18:28,690 --> 00:18:32,069
"and two comely lasses
of virtue true."
372
00:18:32,152 --> 00:18:33,195
Keep the pig.
373
00:18:33,278 --> 00:18:34,696
How many broads
do I get? Hey.
374
00:18:34,780 --> 00:18:36,615
Hey! Hey, let go,
you're ripping it!
375
00:18:36,698 --> 00:18:38,033
- No, you are!
- No, you are!
376
00:18:38,117 --> 00:18:39,910
Let go.
That's the charter.
377
00:18:41,036 --> 00:18:42,454
Wait a minute.
378
00:18:42,538 --> 00:18:43,956
We can just shut off the power.
379
00:18:44,039 --> 00:18:45,332
No such luck.
380
00:18:45,415 --> 00:18:48,001
- It's solar-powered.
- Solar power.
381
00:18:48,085 --> 00:18:49,503
When will people learn?
382
00:18:52,047 --> 00:18:56,593
A solar eclipse.
The cosmic ballet goes on.
383
00:18:56,677 --> 00:18:58,345
Does anyone want
to switch seats?
384
00:19:06,228 --> 00:19:07,312
I did it.
385
00:19:10,649 --> 00:19:11,649
D'
386
00:19:13,861 --> 00:19:15,696
Folks, this is
your captain speaking.
387
00:19:15,779 --> 00:19:17,281
Our non-stop flight to Tahiti
388
00:19:17,364 --> 00:19:19,116
will be making a brief layover
389
00:19:19,199 --> 00:19:20,742
in North Haverbrook.
390
00:19:20,826 --> 00:19:23,537
North Haverbrook.
Where have I heard that name before?
391
00:19:23,620 --> 00:19:25,414
No.
No!
392
00:19:25,497 --> 00:19:27,666
There he is.
Seat 3-F.
393
00:19:35,966 --> 00:19:37,593
Krusty wants out.
394
00:19:39,928 --> 00:19:41,638
No.
395
00:19:41,722 --> 00:19:43,390
The world needs laughter.
396
00:19:43,473 --> 00:19:45,142
Are we gonna die, son?
397
00:19:45,225 --> 00:19:47,186
Yeah, but at least we'll take
398
00:19:47,269 --> 00:19:49,021
a lot of innocent
people with us.
399
00:19:49,104 --> 00:19:50,731
Homer? Homer?
400
00:19:50,814 --> 00:19:52,649
- Yello.
- Homer, there's a man here
401
00:19:52,733 --> 00:19:54,234
who thinks he can help you.
402
00:19:54,318 --> 00:19:56,320
- Batman?
- No. He's a scientist.
403
00:19:56,403 --> 00:19:57,404
Batman's a scientist.
404
00:19:57,487 --> 00:19:58,864
It's not Batman!
405
00:19:58,947 --> 00:20:01,241
I think I have a way
to stop the train.
406
00:20:01,325 --> 00:20:03,577
You need to find an anchor
of some sort.
407
00:20:08,749 --> 00:20:09,958
Think harder, Homer.
408
00:20:18,342 --> 00:20:19,593
I'll take that.
409
00:20:29,561 --> 00:20:31,688
Dad...
410
00:20:47,913 --> 00:20:49,998
Now, separating Siamese twins
411
00:20:50,082 --> 00:20:52,668
is a long and costly procedure.
412
00:20:58,966 --> 00:21:02,135
Aargh!
You call that an anchor?
413
00:21:18,193 --> 00:21:19,736
Donuts.
414
00:21:19,820 --> 00:21:22,155
Is there anything they can't do?
415
00:21:22,239 --> 00:21:24,533
Dad! You're a hero.
416
00:21:24,616 --> 00:21:26,118
Yes, son.
417
00:21:26,201 --> 00:21:29,079
I'm the best mono-thingy guy
there ever was.
418
00:21:31,164 --> 00:21:33,417
Well, my work is done here.
419
00:21:33,500 --> 00:21:35,544
What do you mean,
your work is done?
420
00:21:35,627 --> 00:21:36,753
You didn't do anything.
421
00:21:37,921 --> 00:21:39,923
Didn't I?
422
00:21:43,802 --> 00:21:46,013
And that was the only folly
423
00:21:46,096 --> 00:21:50,058
the people of Springfield
ever embarked upon...
424
00:21:50,142 --> 00:21:53,186
except for the
popsicle-stick skyscraper...
425
00:21:55,147 --> 00:21:57,691
and the 50-foot
magnifying glass...
426
00:21:59,151 --> 00:22:01,528
and that escalator to nowhere.
427
00:22:01,611 --> 00:22:02,611
Whoa!
428
00:22:03,530 --> 00:22:04,530
Wha!
429
00:22:06,616 --> 00:22:07,826
Aah!
430
00:22:07,909 --> 00:22:09,202
Whoa!
431
00:22:09,286 --> 00:22:10,286
Aah!
432
00:22:11,121 --> 00:22:12,998
♪♪
433
00:22:56,958 --> 00:22:58,085
Shh.
434
00:23:00,962 --> 00:23:03,840
CAPTIONS ENHANCED BY
ROUNDABOUT ENTERTAINMENT INC.
30087
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