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♪ The Simpsons ♪
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D'
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Aah!
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00:01:23,917 --> 00:01:27,420
Principal Skinner,
"The Happiest Place on Earth"
5
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is a registered
Disneyland copyright.
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Well, gentlemen,
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it's just a small
school carnival.
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And it's heading for
a great big lawsuit.
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You made a big mistake, Skinner.
10
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Well, so did you.
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You got an ex-Green Beret mad.
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Copyright expired.
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And begin.
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This sucks.
15
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Pick the red, get ahead.
16
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Pick the black, sets you back.
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I don't recall
authorizing this booth.
18
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Good-bye, gentlemen.
19
00:02:13,842 --> 00:02:15,802
Get your haggis right here.
20
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Chopped heart and lungs,
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00:02:17,637 --> 00:02:19,722
boiled in a real
sheep's stomach.
22
00:02:19,806 --> 00:02:22,016
Tastes as good as it sounds.
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Good for what ails you.
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Hag...
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I'd say 53 years old
and 420 pounds.
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Ha, ha! You lose.
27
00:02:36,447 --> 00:02:38,575
36 and 239.
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00:02:40,118 --> 00:02:42,453
♪♪
29
00:02:42,537 --> 00:02:43,788
Hey, Otto, man
30
00:02:43,872 --> 00:02:45,748
I dare you
to make this go faster.
31
00:02:45,832 --> 00:02:48,877
Ooh, challenge accepted.
32
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I'll be in Mexico
till this thing blows over.
33
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Boy!
A spookhouse.
34
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Hand over all your money.
35
00:03:12,025 --> 00:03:13,276
Was it scary?
36
00:03:14,736 --> 00:03:15,736
Ooh-hoo, baby!
37
00:03:24,412 --> 00:03:26,664
So, girlie,
you like roller-skating?
38
00:03:26,748 --> 00:03:28,041
- No.
- Yeah,
39
00:03:28,124 --> 00:03:30,084
everybody loves roller-skating.
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00:03:30,168 --> 00:03:32,003
Okay.
You can turn around now.
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00:03:38,968 --> 00:03:41,512
My God.
I'm ugly.
42
00:03:41,596 --> 00:03:43,890
Now in a moment,
we'll be raffling off
43
00:03:43,973 --> 00:03:45,975
our grand prize...
44
00:03:46,059 --> 00:03:48,895
a ride on the famous
Duff Beer blimp.
45
00:03:48,978 --> 00:03:51,147
A ride on the Duff blimp.
46
00:03:53,441 --> 00:03:55,235
You see the circular
pattern on those fields?
47
00:03:55,318 --> 00:03:56,945
That's from
central pivot irrigation.
48
00:03:57,028 --> 00:03:58,238
Wow.
49
00:03:58,321 --> 00:03:59,340
Now, let's see what's happening
50
00:03:59,364 --> 00:04:00,364
at the Super Bowl.
51
00:04:01,950 --> 00:04:05,787
Homer! Homer! Homer! Homer!
52
00:04:05,870 --> 00:04:07,413
Oops! Sorry.
53
00:04:09,040 --> 00:04:13,753
Homer. Homer. Homer.
54
00:04:13,836 --> 00:04:16,005
But first,
our second-prize winner,
55
00:04:16,089 --> 00:04:20,051
and the recipient of
this handsome shoe buffer...
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00:04:20,134 --> 00:04:21,678
Ned Flanders!
57
00:04:24,973 --> 00:04:26,182
It's no fair.
58
00:04:26,266 --> 00:04:27,433
We'll never have a buffer.
59
00:04:27,517 --> 00:04:29,227
We have one at home.
You never use it.
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00:04:29,310 --> 00:04:30,979
Well, I want that one.
61
00:04:31,062 --> 00:04:34,065
And the winner
of the blimp ride is...
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00:04:34,148 --> 00:04:36,025
Homer Simpson!
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00:04:36,109 --> 00:04:37,902
My God!
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00:04:43,908 --> 00:04:46,577
♪ Hey, there, blimpy boy ♪
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00:04:46,661 --> 00:04:49,455
♪ Flying through the sky
so fancy-free ♪
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00:04:50,832 --> 00:04:55,086
Honey, what's wrong?
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00:04:55,169 --> 00:04:57,714
Dad, do you think I'm ugly?
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00:04:57,797 --> 00:04:59,716
What are you talking about?
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00:05:03,219 --> 00:05:05,471
Lisa, this isn't real.
70
00:05:05,555 --> 00:05:09,183
It's just how you might look
if you were a cartoon character.
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00:05:09,267 --> 00:05:10,518
I'm an ugmo!
72
00:05:10,601 --> 00:05:11,519
Now, that's not true.
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00:05:11,602 --> 00:05:13,021
You're cute as a bug's ear.
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00:05:13,104 --> 00:05:14,897
Fathers have to say that stuff.
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00:05:14,981 --> 00:05:16,566
Dad, am I cute as a bug's ear?
76
00:05:16,649 --> 00:05:18,860
No! You're homely
as a mule's butt!
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00:05:18,943 --> 00:05:20,778
There, see?
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00:05:20,862 --> 00:05:22,822
I'd like to be alone, please.
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00:05:30,872 --> 00:05:33,499
Moe, have you
ever felt unattractive?
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00:05:33,583 --> 00:05:34,584
No.
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00:05:34,667 --> 00:05:35,752
How about you, Barney?
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00:05:35,835 --> 00:05:36,878
Not for a second.
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00:05:38,254 --> 00:05:40,131
Yeah... I need help.
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00:05:40,214 --> 00:05:43,009
Whee! Whee!
85
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Whee! Whee!
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00:05:46,220 --> 00:05:48,348
Whee-e-e!
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00:05:48,431 --> 00:05:51,893
I guess every father thinks
his daughter is the cutest.
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00:05:51,976 --> 00:05:53,895
Well, now there's a way
to prove it.
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00:05:53,978 --> 00:05:55,855
Wow, president
of Laramie Cigarettes
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00:05:55,938 --> 00:05:57,273
Jack Larson.
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00:05:57,357 --> 00:05:59,192
This year Laramie is sponsoring
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00:05:59,275 --> 00:06:00,693
the Little Miss Springfield
pageant.
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00:06:00,777 --> 00:06:02,320
You see, government regulations
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00:06:02,403 --> 00:06:05,615
prohibit us
from advertising on TV...
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00:06:07,283 --> 00:06:09,535
That sweet Carolina smoke.
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00:06:09,619 --> 00:06:11,555
But they can't prohibit us
from holding a beauty pageant
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00:06:11,579 --> 00:06:14,374
for little girls
age seven to nine.
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00:06:14,457 --> 00:06:15,958
Lisa's age seven to nine.
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00:06:16,042 --> 00:06:17,627
Your daughter could be crowned
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00:06:17,710 --> 00:06:19,420
Little Miss Springfield
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00:06:19,504 --> 00:06:21,089
by our host,
the maitre 'd of glee
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Krusty the Clown.
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00:06:22,590 --> 00:06:26,177
I heartily endorse
this event or product.
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00:06:26,260 --> 00:06:27,762
What a feeling!
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00:06:27,845 --> 00:06:29,722
I'm as happy as a smoker
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00:06:29,806 --> 00:06:31,766
taking that first puff
in the morning.
107
00:06:31,849 --> 00:06:33,309
That could be Lisa.
108
00:06:33,393 --> 00:06:35,186
The Little Miss Springfield
pageant...
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Only $250 to enter.
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00:06:45,196 --> 00:06:46,697
Hey, Barney.
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00:06:46,781 --> 00:06:49,992
Will you give me 250 bucks
for this blimp ticket?
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00:06:50,076 --> 00:06:52,328
Sure.
113
00:06:52,412 --> 00:06:54,914
Where did you get all the money?
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From some scientist.
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00:06:56,833 --> 00:06:59,043
Since they stopped testing
on animals,
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00:06:59,127 --> 00:07:02,338
a guy like me
can really clean up.
117
00:07:07,051 --> 00:07:09,554
I'm hideous.
118
00:07:09,637 --> 00:07:13,599
Lisa, I know a song
that will cheer you up.
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00:07:13,683 --> 00:07:16,436
♪ There once was
an ugly duckling ♪
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So you think I'm ugly?
121
00:07:17,895 --> 00:07:19,689
No, no!
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00:07:19,772 --> 00:07:22,442
I meant you were one of
the good-looking ducks...
123
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that makes fun of the ugly one.
124
00:07:25,987 --> 00:07:28,948
Lisa, if you could have
one wish, what would it be?
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00:07:29,031 --> 00:07:30,741
To shut myself off
from the world
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00:07:30,825 --> 00:07:33,035
and never be seen
by human eyes again.
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00:07:33,119 --> 00:07:34,704
Was your second wish
to be entered in
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00:07:34,787 --> 00:07:36,414
the Little Miss Springfield
pageant?
129
00:07:36,497 --> 00:07:38,291
What are you talking about?
130
00:07:38,374 --> 00:07:40,209
I sent in an application
for you.
131
00:07:40,293 --> 00:07:41,878
I couldn't find
a big enough photo,
132
00:07:41,961 --> 00:07:44,630
so I sent in that funny drawing
of you on roller skates.
133
00:07:44,714 --> 00:07:47,383
How could you?!
I won't do it!
134
00:07:49,844 --> 00:07:53,139
Homer, Lisa's already
sensitive about her looks.
135
00:07:53,222 --> 00:07:55,057
This is the last thing
she needs.
136
00:07:55,141 --> 00:07:56,767
But I think she'll win.
137
00:07:56,851 --> 00:07:59,604
Dad, have you seen the girls
they have in those contests?
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00:07:59,687 --> 00:08:00,687
Hubba, hubba!
139
00:08:08,529 --> 00:08:11,032
Hey, nobody's prettier
than my little girl.
140
00:08:11,115 --> 00:08:13,576
You're looking at her
through a father's eyes.
141
00:08:13,659 --> 00:08:15,578
Well, if I could gouge out
somebody else's eyes
142
00:08:15,661 --> 00:08:17,330
and shove them into my sockets,
143
00:08:17,413 --> 00:08:19,499
I would, but to me
she's beautiful.
144
00:08:19,582 --> 00:08:22,460
That is so sweet.
145
00:08:22,543 --> 00:08:26,005
Honey, no one's going to
force you to do anything,
146
00:08:26,088 --> 00:08:27,465
but do you know how your father
147
00:08:27,548 --> 00:08:29,425
got the money to enter you
in this pageant?
148
00:08:29,509 --> 00:08:30,718
Nope.
149
00:08:30,801 --> 00:08:34,138
He sold his ride
on the Duff blimp.
150
00:08:34,222 --> 00:08:36,516
But that ride
meant everything to him.
151
00:08:36,599 --> 00:08:40,770
♪ Hey, there, blimpy boy ♪
152
00:08:40,853 --> 00:08:46,692
♪ Flying through the sky
so fancy-free ♪
153
00:08:46,776 --> 00:08:47,860
I'll do it.
154
00:08:51,739 --> 00:08:53,491
Did you see Tina Epstein?
155
00:08:53,574 --> 00:08:55,454
Whoa. If you're gonna binge,
you'd better purge.
156
00:09:01,749 --> 00:09:02,875
Amber Dempsey.
157
00:09:02,959 --> 00:09:05,127
In the same week,
she was Pork Princess
158
00:09:05,211 --> 00:09:06,712
and Little Miss Kosher.
159
00:09:06,796 --> 00:09:08,589
She's beautiful.
160
00:09:08,673 --> 00:09:11,008
Wait, she's about to
bring out the big guns.
161
00:09:13,928 --> 00:09:15,263
Eyelash implants.
162
00:09:15,346 --> 00:09:16,973
I thought those were illegal.
163
00:09:17,056 --> 00:09:18,975
Not in Paraguay.
164
00:09:19,058 --> 00:09:20,685
There's no way I can
beat this girl.
165
00:09:20,768 --> 00:09:23,312
She's the Jack Nicklaus
of the pageant circuit.
166
00:09:23,396 --> 00:09:24,836
I don't know
that she's as attractive
167
00:09:24,897 --> 00:09:27,483
as Jack Nicklaus.
168
00:09:32,029 --> 00:09:34,699
I meant because they both
win all the time, Mom.
169
00:09:34,782 --> 00:09:37,410
Well, yes.
That's what I meant, too.
170
00:09:37,493 --> 00:09:39,036
Well, tell you what.
171
00:09:39,120 --> 00:09:41,080
This afternoon, I'll take you
to the beauty parlor
172
00:09:41,163 --> 00:09:43,791
and show you just
how lovely you can be.
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00:09:43,874 --> 00:09:45,769
And later, I'll teach you
the tricks of the trade...
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00:09:45,793 --> 00:09:47,628
Taping your swimsuit
to your butt,
175
00:09:47,712 --> 00:09:50,423
petroleum jelly on your teeth
for that frictionless smile,
176
00:09:50,506 --> 00:09:52,466
and the ancient art of padding.
177
00:09:58,264 --> 00:10:00,016
Are we done?
178
00:10:00,099 --> 00:10:03,227
We are just warming up.
179
00:10:03,311 --> 00:10:05,771
Isn't this dangerous?
180
00:10:05,855 --> 00:10:06,897
Don't worry.
181
00:10:06,981 --> 00:10:08,816
I am well protected.
182
00:10:17,658 --> 00:10:19,410
Boy, when Lisa comes in
I want you to
183
00:10:19,493 --> 00:10:21,746
make a big fuss
over how she looks.
184
00:10:21,829 --> 00:10:24,582
She'll see through me
like grandma's underpants.
185
00:10:24,665 --> 00:10:25,708
No, she won't.
186
00:10:25,791 --> 00:10:27,710
When it comes to compliments,
187
00:10:27,793 --> 00:10:29,354
women are ravenous,
bloodsucking monsters,
188
00:10:29,378 --> 00:10:32,715
always wanting more, more, more!
189
00:10:32,798 --> 00:10:34,091
And if you give it to them,
190
00:10:34,175 --> 00:10:36,052
you'll get plenty back
in return.
191
00:10:36,135 --> 00:10:37,261
Like what?
192
00:10:37,345 --> 00:10:39,263
I'll tell you when you're older.
193
00:10:47,855 --> 00:10:50,107
Is that Lisa?
194
00:10:50,191 --> 00:10:52,193
Ooh, I got to call heaven.
195
00:10:52,276 --> 00:10:53,694
There's an angel missing.
196
00:10:53,778 --> 00:10:55,696
And who's your little
school friend?
197
00:10:55,780 --> 00:10:58,783
Wait a minute... that's Mom!
198
00:10:58,866 --> 00:11:00,326
My goodness.
199
00:11:00,409 --> 00:11:02,703
Aren't they nice!
Thank you.
200
00:11:02,787 --> 00:11:04,246
I know two fellows
201
00:11:04,330 --> 00:11:06,832
who are going to get
a special dinner tonight.
202
00:11:09,043 --> 00:11:10,878
- Hey, hey!
- Woo-hoo!
203
00:11:10,961 --> 00:11:12,630
Dad, you know anything else
about women?
204
00:11:12,713 --> 00:11:13,839
Nope, that's it.
205
00:11:17,051 --> 00:11:18,260
Hey, brush head.
206
00:11:18,344 --> 00:11:20,304
You've been nursing that
thing for an hour.
207
00:11:20,388 --> 00:11:21,806
You know, I was just wondering
208
00:11:21,889 --> 00:11:23,569
how someone who works
in an ice cream store
209
00:11:23,641 --> 00:11:26,060
keeps such a trim figure.
210
00:11:26,143 --> 00:11:27,436
I've misjudged you.
211
00:11:29,730 --> 00:11:31,440
♪♪
212
00:11:32,942 --> 00:11:34,568
I said, "Step, pause,
213
00:11:34,652 --> 00:11:36,278
turn, pause,
pivot, step, step."
214
00:11:36,362 --> 00:11:38,948
not, "Step, pause, turn,
pause, pivot, step, pause."
215
00:11:39,031 --> 00:11:41,992
Shudder.
216
00:11:42,076 --> 00:11:45,329
And the winner is...
Lisa Simpson!
217
00:11:46,539 --> 00:11:47,540
Okay, wipe away a tear...
218
00:11:47,623 --> 00:11:50,167
hug the loser...
219
00:11:50,251 --> 00:11:52,044
and now,
for your triumphant walk
220
00:11:52,128 --> 00:11:53,295
down the runway.
221
00:11:54,714 --> 00:11:57,049
Whoa.
222
00:11:59,135 --> 00:12:01,053
It's hopeless.
223
00:12:01,137 --> 00:12:02,596
There's nothing to it.
224
00:12:02,680 --> 00:12:03,681
Give me those heels.
225
00:12:03,764 --> 00:12:08,352
Heel, toe. Heel, toe.
Heel, toe.
226
00:12:08,436 --> 00:12:10,354
Do you really think I can win?
227
00:12:10,438 --> 00:12:13,107
Hey, I'm starting to think
I can win.
228
00:12:13,190 --> 00:12:15,735
But those other girls
are prettier than me.
229
00:12:15,818 --> 00:12:17,611
Lis, as your brother,
230
00:12:17,695 --> 00:12:20,030
this is the hardest thing
I've ever had to say.
231
00:12:20,114 --> 00:12:21,949
You're not ugly.
232
00:12:22,032 --> 00:12:23,325
Bart!
233
00:12:27,955 --> 00:12:30,833
♪♪
234
00:12:33,586 --> 00:12:35,212
♪ Out on our own ♪
235
00:12:35,296 --> 00:12:36,714
♪ Making it work ♪
236
00:12:36,797 --> 00:12:38,257
♪ Gasping for air ♪
237
00:12:38,340 --> 00:12:41,427
♪ Having it all ♪
238
00:12:41,510 --> 00:12:43,387
My name is Amber Dempsey.
239
00:12:43,471 --> 00:12:46,265
When I grow up,
I want to be a sweetie pie.
240
00:12:48,934 --> 00:12:51,479
I am Pahusacheta
Nahasapeemapetilon
241
00:12:51,562 --> 00:12:53,564
and tonight I will be playing
"MacArthur Park"
242
00:12:53,647 --> 00:12:55,316
on the tabla.
243
00:12:57,318 --> 00:12:58,903
No, I am serious.
244
00:12:58,986 --> 00:13:01,197
Yes, judges, there's your queen.
245
00:13:01,280 --> 00:13:03,365
Who's watching the Kwik-E-Mart?
246
00:13:08,037 --> 00:13:09,288
My name is Lisa Simpson,
247
00:13:09,371 --> 00:13:11,791
and I want to be
Little Miss Springfield
248
00:13:11,874 --> 00:13:14,001
so I can make our town
a better place.
249
00:13:14,084 --> 00:13:16,128
Yeah, clean up this stink hole!
250
00:13:19,256 --> 00:13:22,176
Krusty. About time
you got here.
251
00:13:22,259 --> 00:13:23,886
Yeah, yeah, what is this?
252
00:13:23,969 --> 00:13:25,638
The Republican fundraiser?
253
00:13:25,721 --> 00:13:26,847
♪ Check it out ♪
254
00:13:26,931 --> 00:13:28,140
♪ Hey, look at us ♪
255
00:13:28,224 --> 00:13:29,850
♪ Making a wish ♪
256
00:13:29,934 --> 00:13:31,227
♪ Dreaming a dream ♪
257
00:13:31,310 --> 00:13:32,978
♪ Little Miss Springfield ♪
258
00:13:33,062 --> 00:13:36,190
♪ Which one will it be? ♪
259
00:13:36,273 --> 00:13:37,650
Me!
260
00:13:37,733 --> 00:13:41,320
That brisket's
not sitting right.
261
00:13:41,403 --> 00:13:45,783
♪ And I'll never have
that recipe again ♪
262
00:13:45,866 --> 00:13:48,702
♪ No ♪
263
00:13:51,539 --> 00:13:54,458
That just kept going?
264
00:13:54,542 --> 00:13:57,920
And now, here's...
Lisa Simpson!
265
00:13:58,003 --> 00:14:00,089
They'll love you
just as much as I do.
266
00:14:00,172 --> 00:14:01,674
Thanks, Dad.
267
00:14:14,228 --> 00:14:15,855
Some people say
that to love your country
268
00:14:15,938 --> 00:14:18,566
is old-fashioned,
uncool, real Melvin.
269
00:14:18,649 --> 00:14:20,484
Well, to them I say...
270
00:14:20,568 --> 00:14:22,736
♪ Beautiful ♪
271
00:14:22,820 --> 00:14:25,406
♪ For spacious skies ♪
272
00:14:25,489 --> 00:14:29,201
♪ For Amber waves of grain ♪
273
00:14:29,285 --> 00:14:30,703
One, two, three, four!
274
00:14:30,786 --> 00:14:33,289
♪ Left a good job
in the city ♪
275
00:14:33,372 --> 00:14:36,125
♪ Working for the man
every night and day ♪
276
00:14:42,172 --> 00:14:46,093
This is my favorite part
of the pageant because...
277
00:14:46,176 --> 00:14:47,428
What does that say?
278
00:14:47,511 --> 00:14:50,014
It gives me a chance
279
00:14:50,097 --> 00:14:52,057
to visit with the girls
personality...
280
00:14:52,141 --> 00:14:53,434
personally.
281
00:14:53,517 --> 00:14:56,186
Amber, do you think
the Bill of Rights
282
00:14:56,270 --> 00:14:59,148
is a good thing or a bad thing?
283
00:14:59,231 --> 00:15:00,524
Um...
284
00:15:00,608 --> 00:15:03,235
Take your time, dear.
285
00:15:03,319 --> 00:15:04,987
Good thing.
286
00:15:05,070 --> 00:15:06,906
Aw...
287
00:15:06,989 --> 00:15:09,199
And now it's time to name
our runner-up,
288
00:15:09,283 --> 00:15:11,368
who, if the winner
doesn't fulfill her duties...
289
00:15:11,452 --> 00:15:13,203
blah, blah, blah.
290
00:15:13,287 --> 00:15:15,080
And don't say
it will never happen,
291
00:15:15,164 --> 00:15:17,875
because we all remember
that thing with what's her name.
292
00:15:17,958 --> 00:15:20,336
Click, click.
You know.
293
00:15:20,419 --> 00:15:22,421
Okay, the runner-up is...
294
00:15:29,637 --> 00:15:30,971
Lisa Simpson!
295
00:15:31,055 --> 00:15:32,389
Which means Amber Dempsey
296
00:15:32,473 --> 00:15:35,225
is the new
Little Miss Springfield!
297
00:15:37,186 --> 00:15:39,313
♪♪
298
00:15:39,396 --> 00:15:43,525
♪ "L,"
the losers in her wake ♪
299
00:15:43,609 --> 00:15:47,947
♪ "I," the income
she will make ♪
300
00:15:48,030 --> 00:15:52,743
♪ "T" is for her
tooth filled mouth ♪
301
00:15:52,826 --> 00:15:56,497
♪ "T," is for her
tooth filled mouth ♪
302
00:15:56,580 --> 00:15:58,165
Coming up next:
303
00:15:58,248 --> 00:16:00,000
A new fad that's
sweeping the nation...
304
00:16:00,084 --> 00:16:01,794
Wasting food.
305
00:16:05,631 --> 00:16:07,257
But first, let's join the new
306
00:16:07,341 --> 00:16:09,218
Little Miss Springfield,
Amber Dempsey
307
00:16:09,301 --> 00:16:13,347
as she helps open
the Danish superchain, Shop.
308
00:16:13,430 --> 00:16:15,015
Scott, everyone is here,
309
00:16:15,099 --> 00:16:16,433
from the mayor's
illegitimate son
310
00:16:16,517 --> 00:16:18,268
to our own Duff blimp.
311
00:16:18,352 --> 00:16:19,937
Hi. Can I drive?
312
00:16:20,020 --> 00:16:21,772
Well, I can't see the harm.
313
00:16:28,946 --> 00:16:30,698
The humanity!
314
00:16:30,781 --> 00:16:32,282
Anyway, to turn on the store's
315
00:16:32,366 --> 00:16:33,784
severe tire damage spikes,
316
00:16:33,867 --> 00:16:35,661
here's Little Miss Springfield.
317
00:16:41,041 --> 00:16:44,128
Dear, it would be a shame
if that pretty dress got wet.
318
00:16:44,211 --> 00:16:45,879
I'd say the greater danger
319
00:16:45,963 --> 00:16:48,132
is her scepter acting
as a lightning rod...
320
00:16:48,215 --> 00:16:50,509
unless it's made out of plastic.
321
00:16:51,760 --> 00:16:53,220
Nope. Metal.
322
00:16:53,303 --> 00:16:54,990
Ladies and gentlemen,
Little Miss Springfield
323
00:16:55,014 --> 00:16:56,557
has been struck by lightning.
324
00:16:58,392 --> 00:17:00,310
Doctor, what is
Amber's condition?
325
00:17:00,394 --> 00:17:01,562
She'll be fine.
326
00:17:01,645 --> 00:17:03,105
In fact, she's already won
327
00:17:03,188 --> 00:17:05,607
the Little Miss
Intensive Care pageant.
328
00:17:09,570 --> 00:17:11,488
Congratulations, Lisa.
329
00:17:11,572 --> 00:17:13,866
You're the new
Little Miss Springfield.
330
00:17:13,949 --> 00:17:15,200
Here's your scepter.
331
00:17:15,284 --> 00:17:17,327
Whoop!
332
00:17:17,411 --> 00:17:19,955
Just kidding.
Here you go.
333
00:17:20,039 --> 00:17:22,207
Whoop!
334
00:17:22,291 --> 00:17:23,291
Just kidding.
335
00:17:25,836 --> 00:17:27,254
I deserved that.
336
00:17:33,635 --> 00:17:35,721
That doesn't look like her body.
337
00:17:35,804 --> 00:17:37,681
The torso
used to be Dr. Ruth.
338
00:17:37,765 --> 00:17:40,059
Her head is on a pike
in the chamber of horrors.
339
00:17:44,396 --> 00:17:45,689
Hi, fellas.
340
00:17:47,149 --> 00:17:49,318
Love that chewing gum walk.
341
00:17:49,401 --> 00:17:51,320
Very Wrigley.
342
00:17:53,280 --> 00:17:55,532
As Little Miss Springfield,
it's my pleasure
343
00:17:55,616 --> 00:17:58,494
to welcome you to America,
the land of opportunity.
344
00:17:58,577 --> 00:18:00,245
Actually,
they're being deported.
345
00:18:00,329 --> 00:18:04,041
♪♪
346
00:18:04,124 --> 00:18:07,503
And now, let's give
a big Fort Springfield welcome
347
00:18:07,586 --> 00:18:08,712
to Mr. Bob Hope.
348
00:18:08,796 --> 00:18:09,796
What's the mayor's name?
349
00:18:09,838 --> 00:18:12,091
- Quimby.
- Beautiful.
350
00:18:14,760 --> 00:18:16,887
Hello, this is Bob
"What the hell am I doing
351
00:18:16,970 --> 00:18:18,514
in Springfield?" Hope.
352
00:18:18,597 --> 00:18:20,599
Hey, how about
that Mayor Quimby?
353
00:18:20,682 --> 00:18:22,059
He's some golfer.
354
00:18:22,142 --> 00:18:24,394
His golf ball
spends more time underwater
355
00:18:24,478 --> 00:18:25,478
than Greg Louganis.
356
00:18:27,606 --> 00:18:28,982
And now, I want to show you
357
00:18:29,066 --> 00:18:30,835
what you're fighting for...
If there was a war on...
358
00:18:30,859 --> 00:18:33,403
Little Miss Springfield.
359
00:18:34,988 --> 00:18:36,240
Isn't she beautiful?
360
00:18:36,323 --> 00:18:38,033
Little Miss Springfield?
361
00:18:38,117 --> 00:18:40,911
First Tony Randall cancels,
now this.
362
00:18:40,994 --> 00:18:42,371
Hey, what gives here?
363
00:18:45,582 --> 00:18:47,417
We want Miss Springfield.
364
00:18:47,501 --> 00:18:49,753
Hey, set me down
at that boat show.
365
00:18:49,837 --> 00:18:52,131
I'm gonna be riding
on a pack of cigarettes?
366
00:18:52,214 --> 00:18:53,799
We think
367
00:18:53,882 --> 00:18:55,568
you're the perfect spokesmodel
for Laramie's.
368
00:18:55,592 --> 00:18:57,928
It's part of our new campaign.
369
00:18:58,011 --> 00:19:00,597
Classy.
370
00:19:02,182 --> 00:19:04,244
You see, Lisa, it's been
an unlucky year for Laramie.
371
00:19:04,268 --> 00:19:06,937
A lot of people who smoke
our product have been...
372
00:19:07,020 --> 00:19:08,480
well, dying.
373
00:19:08,564 --> 00:19:11,066
And we need young smokers
to take their place.
374
00:19:11,150 --> 00:19:14,194
I don't want to be a spokesperson
for a cigarette company.
375
00:19:14,278 --> 00:19:16,363
But you're a role model
to young people
376
00:19:16,446 --> 00:19:19,783
and we're thinking
of retiring Menthol Moose.
377
00:19:25,038 --> 00:19:28,750
♪♪
378
00:19:31,587 --> 00:19:33,046
Bless you, boys.
379
00:19:33,130 --> 00:19:35,424
Homer, those are ice cream men.
380
00:19:35,507 --> 00:19:36,507
I know.
381
00:19:51,773 --> 00:19:54,234
Stop this float!
382
00:19:55,903 --> 00:19:57,279
What's the holdup? Go!
383
00:19:57,362 --> 00:20:00,490
I'm tired of being
a corporate shill.
384
00:20:02,743 --> 00:20:04,578
From now on, I will speak out
385
00:20:04,661 --> 00:20:06,830
against the evils in society
386
00:20:06,914 --> 00:20:08,040
from dognapping
387
00:20:08,123 --> 00:20:09,374
to cigarettes.
388
00:20:15,547 --> 00:20:17,549
Before I sing
the national anthem
389
00:20:17,633 --> 00:20:20,093
I'd like to say that
college football diverts funds
390
00:20:20,177 --> 00:20:23,722
badly needed
for education and the arts.
391
00:20:25,057 --> 00:20:25,974
Is that true?
392
00:20:26,058 --> 00:20:27,434
Let's get 'em!
393
00:20:29,436 --> 00:20:31,063
Let's get out of here!
394
00:20:37,486 --> 00:20:39,988
Gentlemen, we need
to get Lisa Simpson out
395
00:20:40,072 --> 00:20:41,907
and Amber Dempsey back in,
396
00:20:41,990 --> 00:20:44,034
but this glorified
crossing guard of a police chief
397
00:20:44,117 --> 00:20:45,827
won't get off his big fat can.
398
00:20:45,911 --> 00:20:47,704
Is it okay if I open
these potato chips?
399
00:20:49,081 --> 00:20:51,375
Gentlemen, our prayers
have been answered.
400
00:20:51,458 --> 00:20:53,144
Take a look at our
Little Miss Springfield's
401
00:20:53,168 --> 00:20:54,711
pageant application.
402
00:20:56,922 --> 00:21:00,217
Roxie, bring in
a bottle of champagne.
403
00:21:00,300 --> 00:21:03,220
And some dip for these chips...
or something.
404
00:21:03,303 --> 00:21:06,640
Lisa Simpson is no longer
Little Miss Springfield.
405
00:21:06,723 --> 00:21:09,685
She was stripped of her crown
in a ceremony earlier today.
406
00:21:12,062 --> 00:21:14,815
Well, that's obviously
the wrong footage.
407
00:21:14,898 --> 00:21:17,818
But it does seem the father
408
00:21:17,901 --> 00:21:20,195
of the deposed beauty queen,
Homer Simpson,
409
00:21:20,279 --> 00:21:22,531
filled out the pageant
application incorrectly.
410
00:21:22,614 --> 00:21:25,117
In the area under
"Do not write in this space,"
411
00:21:25,200 --> 00:21:27,077
he wrote, "Okay."
412
00:21:27,160 --> 00:21:29,830
If it wasn't for me,
you'd still be queen.
413
00:21:29,913 --> 00:21:31,873
- You must hate me.
- Dad, do you remember
414
00:21:31,957 --> 00:21:33,917
why you entered me
in that pageant?
415
00:21:34,001 --> 00:21:35,294
I don't know.
Was I drunk?
416
00:21:35,377 --> 00:21:37,296
Possibly, but the point is
417
00:21:37,379 --> 00:21:39,548
you wanted me
to feel better about myself,
418
00:21:39,631 --> 00:21:40,841
and I do.
419
00:21:40,924 --> 00:21:42,592
Really?
420
00:21:42,676 --> 00:21:44,011
Will you remember this
421
00:21:44,094 --> 00:21:45,280
the next time I wreck your life?
422
00:21:45,304 --> 00:21:47,139
It's a deal.
423
00:21:48,932 --> 00:21:50,267
And now, my exclusive interview
424
00:21:50,350 --> 00:21:53,312
with his holiness,
Pope John Paul II.
425
00:21:55,188 --> 00:21:56,481
That's it.
426
00:21:56,565 --> 00:21:59,026
I cannot work
under these conditions.
427
00:21:59,109 --> 00:22:00,652
If anybody wants me,
428
00:22:00,736 --> 00:22:02,404
I'll be downstairs
at MacDougal's.
429
00:22:02,487 --> 00:22:04,489
Call the weekend guy.
I don't care.
430
00:22:08,076 --> 00:22:10,579
♪♪
431
00:22:53,455 --> 00:22:55,082
Shh!
432
00:22:57,918 --> 00:23:00,462
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