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00:00:03,086 --> 00:00:05,922
♪ The Simpsons ♪
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D'
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00:01:05,565 --> 00:01:07,734
Aah!
4
00:01:26,002 --> 00:01:28,505
♪♪
5
00:01:41,309 --> 00:01:43,186
Why, you little...!
6
00:01:43,269 --> 00:01:47,232
♪♪
7
00:01:54,823 --> 00:01:56,658
What the...?
D'
8
00:02:19,931 --> 00:02:22,100
Hey, Bart, look at this.
9
00:02:22,183 --> 00:02:24,144
My dad took me to
Circus of Values last night
10
00:02:24,227 --> 00:02:26,563
and said I could get
anything I wanted.
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00:02:26,646 --> 00:02:29,774
Cool... An oversize
novelty billiard ball.
12
00:02:29,858 --> 00:02:32,527
Yeah, you shake it up
and it tells the future.
13
00:02:32,610 --> 00:02:34,195
Really?
14
00:02:34,279 --> 00:02:36,739
Will I pass my English test?
15
00:02:37,866 --> 00:02:39,951
"Outlook not so good."
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Wow, it does work!
17
00:02:41,953 --> 00:02:43,997
Let me try.
18
00:02:44,080 --> 00:02:45,915
Will... I get
beat up today?
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00:02:47,041 --> 00:02:49,169
"All signs point to yes."
20
00:02:49,252 --> 00:02:51,379
That ball knows everything.
21
00:02:53,006 --> 00:02:54,132
Hey, I got a good one.
22
00:02:54,215 --> 00:02:55,466
Will Milhouse and I be friends
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till we're toothless old men
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with hair coming out
of our ears?
25
00:02:58,636 --> 00:03:00,638
"Don't count on it."
26
00:03:00,722 --> 00:03:03,433
Will Milhouse and I be friends
when we're high school dropouts
27
00:03:03,516 --> 00:03:05,226
living off Uncle Sucker?
28
00:03:05,310 --> 00:03:07,562
"It looks doubtful."
29
00:03:07,645 --> 00:03:10,190
Will Milhouse and I be friends
at the end of the day?
30
00:03:14,319 --> 00:03:17,197
What could come between
two bestest buddies like us?
31
00:03:19,157 --> 00:03:21,201
Samantha, I've always
been suspicious
32
00:03:21,284 --> 00:03:22,911
of transfer students.
33
00:03:22,994 --> 00:03:25,830
Other principals try to unload
problem cases that way.
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Lord knows I do.
35
00:03:27,707 --> 00:03:29,292
I'm a good student,
Principal Skinner.
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00:03:29,375 --> 00:03:31,270
Yeah, sure, and they told me
I'd get a big parade
37
00:03:31,294 --> 00:03:32,313
when I got back from 'Nam.
38
00:03:32,337 --> 00:03:34,714
Instead, they spat on me.
39
00:03:34,797 --> 00:03:36,507
I can still feel it searing.
40
00:03:36,591 --> 00:03:38,092
So, let's just see
41
00:03:38,176 --> 00:03:40,178
what the permanent record
has to say, shall we?
42
00:03:40,261 --> 00:03:44,057
No detention, fairly good
attendance record...
43
00:03:44,140 --> 00:03:47,352
I see you beat that bed-wetting
problem in the second grade.
44
00:03:47,435 --> 00:03:48,728
That's in there?
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00:03:48,811 --> 00:03:50,730
Don't worry.
They'll forget...
46
00:03:50,813 --> 00:03:52,649
just like they forgot about me
47
00:03:52,732 --> 00:03:56,110
in that tiger cage
for 18 agonizing months.
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Every night I wake up screaming.
49
00:03:59,864 --> 00:04:01,366
Well, let's meet
your classmates.
50
00:04:03,701 --> 00:04:06,454
Hey, Bart, was this thing
right about your test?
51
00:04:06,537 --> 00:04:08,915
To those who doubt the power
of the magic eight ball
52
00:04:08,998 --> 00:04:12,502
I say, behold my "F".
53
00:04:12,585 --> 00:04:13,753
Attention, class.
54
00:04:13,836 --> 00:04:15,755
I have a new student for you.
55
00:04:15,838 --> 00:04:17,215
Great, another student.
56
00:04:17,298 --> 00:04:19,133
Just keep packing them in,
Seymour.
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00:04:19,217 --> 00:04:21,219
I think we should discuss
this later, Edna.
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00:04:21,302 --> 00:04:23,763
Now, it's never easy
to come to a new school,
59
00:04:23,846 --> 00:04:25,723
so let's make her feel
right at home.
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00:04:25,807 --> 00:04:28,309
Please say a big
elementary school hello
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00:04:28,393 --> 00:04:30,395
to Samantha Stinky.
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00:04:32,438 --> 00:04:33,356
Stanky.
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00:04:33,439 --> 00:04:34,524
Right.
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00:04:34,607 --> 00:04:35,942
How embarrassing for you.
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00:04:36,025 --> 00:04:37,652
Well, good-bye.
66
00:04:37,735 --> 00:04:40,446
I'm sure this is
a little scary for you, dear.
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00:04:40,530 --> 00:04:42,031
So, why don't you
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00:04:42,115 --> 00:04:44,617
stand up in front of the class
and tell us about yourself?
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00:04:44,701 --> 00:04:47,036
I'll be grading you
on grammar and poise.
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00:04:47,120 --> 00:04:49,247
We just moved here from Phoenix.
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00:04:49,330 --> 00:04:51,249
My dad's owns
a home security company.
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00:04:51,332 --> 00:04:53,584
He came to Springfield
because of its high crime rate
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00:04:53,668 --> 00:04:55,712
and lackluster police force.
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00:04:55,795 --> 00:04:57,839
All my friends
are back in Phoenix
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00:04:57,922 --> 00:05:01,551
and this town has a weird smell
that you're all probably used to
76
00:05:01,634 --> 00:05:02,969
but I'm not.
77
00:05:03,052 --> 00:05:04,637
It'll take you
about six weeks, dear.
78
00:05:04,721 --> 00:05:07,598
Hey, Milhouse, would you
like a Wet Willie?
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00:05:07,682 --> 00:05:08,808
Sure.
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00:05:10,059 --> 00:05:11,059
Eww!
81
00:05:12,103 --> 00:05:13,563
Victim number four.
82
00:05:13,646 --> 00:05:16,441
Hey, Louis, can I interest you
in a Wet Willie?
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00:05:16,524 --> 00:05:19,110
Sure... Aah!
84
00:05:22,071 --> 00:05:25,533
When I find out who
hit me with that ball
85
00:05:25,616 --> 00:05:27,535
I'm gonna tear them a new...
86
00:05:28,911 --> 00:05:30,330
Whoa!
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00:05:30,413 --> 00:05:32,540
Class, in order to explain
why your hormones
88
00:05:32,623 --> 00:05:34,334
will soon make you
an easy target
89
00:05:34,417 --> 00:05:36,586
for every smooth-talking
lothario
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00:05:36,669 --> 00:05:38,796
with his own car
and tight jeans,
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00:05:38,880 --> 00:05:41,424
I will now show
a short sex education film.
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00:05:41,507 --> 00:05:42,925
Ezekiel and Ishmael,
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00:05:43,009 --> 00:05:44,886
in accordance with
your parents' wishes
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00:05:44,969 --> 00:05:46,220
you may step out into the hall
95
00:05:46,304 --> 00:05:47,304
and pray for our souls.
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00:05:50,725 --> 00:05:53,019
Hello.
I'm actor Troy McClure.
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00:05:53,102 --> 00:05:56,481
You kids might remember me
from such educational films
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00:05:56,564 --> 00:05:59,025
as "Lead Paint:
Delicious but Deadly"
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00:05:59,108 --> 00:06:01,319
and "Here Comes
the Metric System."
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00:06:01,402 --> 00:06:03,821
I'm here to provide
the facts about sex
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00:06:03,905 --> 00:06:06,157
in a frank and
straightforward manner.
102
00:06:06,240 --> 00:06:07,240
And now, here's...
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00:06:10,536 --> 00:06:12,622
This is Fuzzy Bunny.
104
00:06:12,705 --> 00:06:13,915
About a year ago
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00:06:13,998 --> 00:06:15,750
he noticed
his voice was changing,
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00:06:15,833 --> 00:06:17,585
he had terrible acne,
107
00:06:17,668 --> 00:06:20,713
and had fur where
there was no fur before.
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00:06:20,797 --> 00:06:23,508
He also noticed Fluffy Bunny.
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Boring.
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00:06:28,221 --> 00:06:30,723
Fluffy and Fuzzy went to the park,
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00:06:30,807 --> 00:06:33,142
the ice cream social,
the boat show,
112
00:06:33,226 --> 00:06:35,770
and various other
wholesome activities,
113
00:06:35,853 --> 00:06:37,563
and they never ruined their fun
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00:06:37,647 --> 00:06:41,609
by giving in to their
throbbing biological urges.
115
00:06:41,692 --> 00:06:43,569
Then came the big day.
116
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Fluffy and Fuzzy got married.
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That night came the honeymoon.
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♪♪
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Eww!
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She's faking it.
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00:06:54,330 --> 00:06:57,208
The most satisfying
part of the night
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was knowing that they waited.
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00:06:58,334 --> 00:06:59,877
Nine months later
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00:06:59,961 --> 00:07:02,255
Fluffy gave birth
to 14 beautiful bunnies.
125
00:07:02,338 --> 00:07:04,048
Eight survive.
126
00:07:04,132 --> 00:07:06,426
And now that you know
how it's done...
127
00:07:06,509 --> 00:07:08,594
don't do it.
128
00:07:08,678 --> 00:07:10,179
♪♪
129
00:07:10,263 --> 00:07:12,765
- Any questions?
- Mrs. Krabappel,
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00:07:12,849 --> 00:07:15,643
how come you don't
live with Mr. Krabappel?
131
00:07:15,726 --> 00:07:17,311
Because Mr. Krabappel
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00:07:17,395 --> 00:07:19,939
chased something small
and fluffy down a rabbit hole.
133
00:07:20,022 --> 00:07:22,108
How do we know
when we fall in love?
134
00:07:22,191 --> 00:07:23,526
Don't you worry.
135
00:07:23,609 --> 00:07:25,820
Most of you
will never fall in love
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00:07:25,903 --> 00:07:28,489
and marry out of fear
of dying alone.
137
00:07:28,573 --> 00:07:30,158
How would I go about creating
138
00:07:30,241 --> 00:07:32,034
a half man,
half monkey-type creature?
139
00:07:32,118 --> 00:07:34,203
I'm sorry,
that would be playing God.
140
00:07:34,287 --> 00:07:36,539
God, shmod...
I want my monkey man.
141
00:07:38,499 --> 00:07:41,252
That's a nice dress.
142
00:07:41,335 --> 00:07:42,587
My dad makes me wear it.
143
00:07:42,670 --> 00:07:43,671
I hate it.
144
00:07:43,754 --> 00:07:45,214
Well, I hate it too.
145
00:07:45,298 --> 00:07:48,843
- Can I walk you home?
- Okay.
146
00:07:48,926 --> 00:07:49,969
Everybody on.
147
00:07:50,052 --> 00:07:51,053
No shoving.
148
00:07:51,137 --> 00:07:52,180
Just kidding.
149
00:07:52,263 --> 00:07:53,848
You can shove all you want.
150
00:07:53,931 --> 00:07:56,058
Hey, wait, Otto man,
you can't leave.
151
00:07:56,142 --> 00:07:57,518
Milhouse isn't here yet.
152
00:07:57,602 --> 00:07:59,604
Sorry, Bart dude, no time.
153
00:07:59,687 --> 00:08:02,273
My girlfriend's dancing topless
at the airport bar
154
00:08:02,356 --> 00:08:04,525
from 4:15 to 4:20.
155
00:08:08,821 --> 00:08:09,864
Hey, Bart.
156
00:08:09,947 --> 00:08:12,992
Milhouse, what
a pleasant surprise.
157
00:08:13,075 --> 00:08:14,076
Hi.
158
00:08:14,160 --> 00:08:15,661
Hey, what's with the skirt?
159
00:08:15,745 --> 00:08:18,289
I've brought friends
to this tree house before.
160
00:08:18,372 --> 00:08:19,832
Yeah, but never a girl.
161
00:08:19,916 --> 00:08:21,709
What if I want
to strut around nude?
162
00:08:21,792 --> 00:08:23,294
Maybe I should go.
163
00:08:23,377 --> 00:08:25,129
No, that's okay, you can stay.
164
00:08:25,213 --> 00:08:27,215
You can read comics with us.
165
00:08:27,298 --> 00:08:29,926
Let's see,
something for the lady...
166
00:08:30,009 --> 00:08:33,971
"Radioactive Man
vs. The Swamp Hag".
167
00:08:34,055 --> 00:08:35,473
Got any girl comics
168
00:08:35,556 --> 00:08:37,934
like "Bonnie Crane,
Girl Attorney,"
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00:08:38,017 --> 00:08:39,644
"Punkin and Dunkin,
the Twinkle Twins,"
170
00:08:39,727 --> 00:08:42,980
or "Li'l Knee Socks"?
171
00:08:43,064 --> 00:08:45,775
No, but my sister's
got a wide selection
172
00:08:45,858 --> 00:08:47,151
of crappy comics.
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00:08:50,488 --> 00:08:51,739
Eww!
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00:08:51,822 --> 00:08:53,783
You guys want to see
something gross?
175
00:09:04,544 --> 00:09:06,462
Tonight on Smartline:
176
00:09:06,546 --> 00:09:08,714
"I'm okay. You're too fat."
177
00:09:08,798 --> 00:09:11,008
Here's your host, Kent Brockman.
178
00:09:11,092 --> 00:09:12,885
Good evening.
179
00:09:12,969 --> 00:09:15,888
Did you know that 34 million
American adults are obese?
180
00:09:15,972 --> 00:09:17,765
Taken together
that excess blubber
181
00:09:17,848 --> 00:09:20,059
could fill the Grand Canyon
two-fifths of the way up.
182
00:09:20,142 --> 00:09:21,519
That may not sound impressive
183
00:09:21,602 --> 00:09:24,188
but keep in mind,
it is a very big canyon.
184
00:09:24,272 --> 00:09:27,483
This sucks. Where's
that channel changer?
185
00:09:31,445 --> 00:09:32,445
I'll give it a chance.
186
00:09:32,488 --> 00:09:33,906
Americans have grown up
187
00:09:33,990 --> 00:09:35,783
with the image
of the jolly fat man...
188
00:09:35,866 --> 00:09:37,243
Dom Deluise
189
00:09:37,326 --> 00:09:39,036
Alfred Hitchcock,
and, of course,
190
00:09:39,120 --> 00:09:40,329
Santa Claus.
191
00:09:40,413 --> 00:09:41,956
But in real life
192
00:09:42,039 --> 00:09:43,679
Santa would be suffering
from gall stones,
193
00:09:43,749 --> 00:09:46,294
hypertension, impotence,
and diabetes.
194
00:10:01,559 --> 00:10:05,521
I wish they had never
invented fried cheese.
195
00:10:07,106 --> 00:10:08,983
We got to widen the hole.
196
00:10:09,066 --> 00:10:11,736
Make it snappy...
The chain's starting to give.
197
00:10:17,908 --> 00:10:20,369
We take 18 ounces
of sizzling ground beef...
198
00:10:20,453 --> 00:10:21,912
Ooh!
199
00:10:21,996 --> 00:10:24,832
And soak it
in rich creamery butter.
200
00:10:24,915 --> 00:10:29,503
Then we top it off with
bacon, ham, and a fried egg.
201
00:10:29,587 --> 00:10:32,340
We call it
The Good Morning burger.
202
00:10:34,425 --> 00:10:36,260
I've got to help him.
203
00:10:38,554 --> 00:10:39,930
Okay, Milhouse,
204
00:10:40,014 --> 00:10:41,814
I'll trade your
Carl Yastrzemski baseball card
205
00:10:41,891 --> 00:10:45,603
for my Omar Vzocel.
Deal.
206
00:10:45,686 --> 00:10:47,456
Next on the trading block,
your Mickey Mantle, 1958,
207
00:10:47,480 --> 00:10:50,441
for my picture
of Homer on the couch.
208
00:10:51,817 --> 00:10:53,319
Milhouse, I've got to go.
209
00:10:53,402 --> 00:10:56,322
My dad thinks I'm having
my braces examined.
210
00:10:56,405 --> 00:10:59,408
Well, you kind of sort of are.
211
00:11:05,164 --> 00:11:08,042
Milhouse, we're living
in the age of cooties.
212
00:11:08,125 --> 00:11:10,044
I can't believe
the risk you're running.
213
00:11:10,127 --> 00:11:12,588
Besides, what's so great
about kissing?
214
00:11:12,672 --> 00:11:14,340
Bart, it's not just the kissing.
215
00:11:14,423 --> 00:11:16,759
A lot of it is waiting to kiss.
216
00:11:16,842 --> 00:11:19,512
You know, like when you
open an Eskimo Pie
217
00:11:19,595 --> 00:11:22,473
and you wait just a
little bit for it to melt?
218
00:11:22,556 --> 00:11:23,933
But she doesn't melt.
219
00:11:24,016 --> 00:11:26,185
Yes, she does.
220
00:11:26,268 --> 00:11:28,979
We start with pure
milk chocolate...
221
00:11:29,063 --> 00:11:30,314
Chocolate...
222
00:11:30,398 --> 00:11:32,775
add a layer
of farm-fresh honey...
223
00:11:32,858 --> 00:11:34,777
Sweet.
224
00:11:34,860 --> 00:11:37,988
Then we sprinkle on
four kinds of sugar...
225
00:11:40,032 --> 00:11:43,536
and dip it
in rich creamery butter.
226
00:11:43,619 --> 00:11:46,080
Dad, what if I told you
you could lose weight
227
00:11:46,163 --> 00:11:48,958
without dieting
or lifting a finger?
228
00:11:49,041 --> 00:11:50,543
I'd say you're a lying scumbag.
229
00:11:50,626 --> 00:11:51,752
Why, sweetie?
230
00:11:51,836 --> 00:11:53,713
According to Eternity magazine
231
00:11:53,796 --> 00:11:56,006
you can lose weight through
subliminal learning.
232
00:11:56,090 --> 00:11:58,718
That's where an idea is
subtly implanted in your head
233
00:11:58,801 --> 00:12:00,511
without you even knowing it.
234
00:12:00,594 --> 00:12:02,972
Lisa, that's a load
of rich creamery butter.
235
00:12:03,055 --> 00:12:04,682
They'll send you tapes
you listen to
236
00:12:04,765 --> 00:12:05,933
while you sleep.
237
00:12:06,016 --> 00:12:07,393
As you hear new age music,
238
00:12:07,476 --> 00:12:09,603
a powerful message
goes to your brain
239
00:12:09,687 --> 00:12:11,105
telling you to eat less.
240
00:12:11,188 --> 00:12:14,608
Lose weight and listen
to new age music? Wow.
241
00:12:14,692 --> 00:12:16,360
What do you think, Marge?
242
00:12:16,444 --> 00:12:19,822
Homer, I love you
just the way you are.
243
00:12:19,905 --> 00:12:21,615
Lisa, what's that number?
244
00:12:21,699 --> 00:12:24,577
Operator, I'd like to place
an order for my husband.
245
00:12:24,660 --> 00:12:26,912
Would he like to lose weight,
stop smoking,
246
00:12:26,996 --> 00:12:30,541
learn the state capitals,
master hostage negotiations...
247
00:12:30,624 --> 00:12:33,961
Hostage negotiations.
248
00:12:34,044 --> 00:12:37,923
Listen, Tabbouleh, we're
ignoring all your demands.
249
00:12:38,007 --> 00:12:39,717
What do you say to that?
250
00:12:41,886 --> 00:12:43,471
Better give me
the weight loss tape.
251
00:12:48,017 --> 00:12:50,853
We're out of
"Subliminally Slim."
252
00:12:50,936 --> 00:12:54,607
Just send them
the vocabulary builder.
253
00:12:54,690 --> 00:12:56,358
Here you go, fatso.
254
00:12:56,442 --> 00:12:58,360
So long, stomach.
255
00:12:58,444 --> 00:13:00,946
We've had a lot
of great memories.
256
00:13:01,030 --> 00:13:03,407
♪ Memories ♪
257
00:13:03,491 --> 00:13:08,287
♪ Pressed between the pages
of my mind ♪
258
00:13:11,791 --> 00:13:14,418
♪ Memories ♪
259
00:13:14,502 --> 00:13:19,340
♪ Sweetened through the ages,
just like wine ♪
260
00:13:24,720 --> 00:13:27,473
Hello. This is
Dr. Marvin Monroe.
261
00:13:27,556 --> 00:13:29,517
Let's build your
vocabulary. "A."
262
00:13:29,600 --> 00:13:31,393
Abattoir:
Slaughterhouse.
263
00:13:31,477 --> 00:13:33,979
"The cow was slaughtered
in the abattoir."
264
00:13:39,360 --> 00:13:42,196
Homer, has the weight loss tape
reduced your appetite?
265
00:13:42,279 --> 00:13:43,489
Lamentably, no.
266
00:13:43,572 --> 00:13:46,325
My gastronomic rapacity
knows no satiety.
267
00:13:51,497 --> 00:13:53,999
Don't you usually play
with Milhouse after school?
268
00:13:54,083 --> 00:13:55,459
He has a girlfriend.
269
00:13:55,543 --> 00:13:57,878
Milhouse?
270
00:13:57,962 --> 00:13:59,713
Yeah. All they do is kiss.
271
00:13:59,797 --> 00:14:03,008
How cute.
272
00:14:03,092 --> 00:14:04,009
They don't open
their mouths, do they?
273
00:14:04,093 --> 00:14:05,010
No.
274
00:14:05,094 --> 00:14:06,220
How cute.
275
00:14:14,520 --> 00:14:16,689
- Hey, Martin.
- Bart?
276
00:14:16,772 --> 00:14:19,316
This is the first time anyone
has ever sat next to me
277
00:14:19,400 --> 00:14:20,860
since I successfully lobbied
278
00:14:20,943 --> 00:14:23,612
to have the school day
extended by 20 minutes.
279
00:14:23,696 --> 00:14:25,173
Listen, Martin, right now
I'm looking for a friend
280
00:14:25,197 --> 00:14:26,949
who won't leave me for a girl.
281
00:14:27,032 --> 00:14:29,577
That's me. I'm just as
unpopular with the ladies
282
00:14:29,660 --> 00:14:31,495
as I am with the chaps.
283
00:14:31,579 --> 00:14:32,913
Yeah, right.
284
00:14:32,997 --> 00:14:34,558
Anyway, do you wanna do
something after school?
285
00:14:34,582 --> 00:14:35,958
It's a date.
286
00:14:36,041 --> 00:14:38,794
Everyone, Bart and I
would like to announce
287
00:14:38,878 --> 00:14:40,170
that we are friends.
288
00:14:43,799 --> 00:14:46,677
Now, Bart, would you care
to listen to me play the lute?
289
00:14:46,760 --> 00:14:48,345
Sure.
290
00:14:48,429 --> 00:14:54,476
♪ Come home,
my bonny warrior ♪
291
00:14:54,560 --> 00:14:57,980
♪ For now ♪
292
00:14:58,063 --> 00:15:01,734
♪ The nets are
full o' fish ♪
293
00:15:01,817 --> 00:15:03,527
I don't know
if that tape is working.
294
00:15:03,611 --> 00:15:05,487
You ate three desserts tonight.
295
00:15:05,571 --> 00:15:07,489
Forbearance is the watchword.
296
00:15:07,573 --> 00:15:10,784
That triumvirate of Twinkies
merely overwhelmed my resolve.
297
00:15:10,868 --> 00:15:13,704
There's another thing I've been
wanting to talk to you about.
298
00:15:13,787 --> 00:15:15,289
Tut, tut, gentle Marge.
299
00:15:15,372 --> 00:15:16,540
For here in the boudoir
300
00:15:16,624 --> 00:15:18,709
the gourmand
metamorphosizes into...
301
00:15:18,792 --> 00:15:20,169
the voluptuary!
302
00:15:22,796 --> 00:15:25,883
What in God's name
are you talking about?
303
00:15:28,802 --> 00:15:31,430
♪ The Itchy
& Scratchy show! ♪
304
00:15:33,557 --> 00:15:36,435
♪♪
305
00:15:45,694 --> 00:15:47,529
Heh...
306
00:15:51,450 --> 00:15:54,328
Hey, guys.
307
00:15:54,411 --> 00:15:55,996
Wow, that really
took my mind off
308
00:15:56,080 --> 00:15:57,915
those awful,
transforming space mutants.
309
00:15:57,998 --> 00:15:59,166
Good.
310
00:15:59,249 --> 00:16:01,001
Man, I could sure go
for a snack.
311
00:16:01,085 --> 00:16:02,085
Me too.
312
00:16:10,052 --> 00:16:10,970
D'
313
00:16:11,053 --> 00:16:13,263
Hey, I've got an idea.
314
00:16:13,347 --> 00:16:16,517
Why don't the three of us go
spit on the principal's car?
315
00:16:16,600 --> 00:16:19,311
Listen, Bart,
there's such a thing
316
00:16:19,395 --> 00:16:21,730
as spending
too much time together.
317
00:16:21,814 --> 00:16:23,357
Fine.
318
00:16:23,440 --> 00:16:25,526
I'm tired of watching
you two lip wrestle.
319
00:16:25,609 --> 00:16:28,445
There's plenty of other ways
to be grossed out in this town.
320
00:16:33,033 --> 00:16:34,159
- Bart, wait.
- Yeah?
321
00:16:35,536 --> 00:16:37,079
Could we still use
your tree house?
322
00:16:37,162 --> 00:16:38,956
What? Get bent.
323
00:16:39,039 --> 00:16:41,834
If her father catches us,
he'll kill her.
324
00:16:41,917 --> 00:16:43,544
All right, Milhouse.
325
00:16:43,627 --> 00:16:45,170
You can use my tree house.
326
00:16:45,254 --> 00:16:47,089
Thanks, Bart.
327
00:16:47,172 --> 00:16:50,426
Samantha and Milhouse sitting in a tree,
328
00:16:50,509 --> 00:16:53,429
about to lose their privacy.
329
00:17:01,520 --> 00:17:03,981
Now there's a
Machiavellian countenance.
330
00:17:04,064 --> 00:17:06,483
Ooh, a sextet of ale!
331
00:17:07,401 --> 00:17:09,069
Hello, Mr. Stanky?
332
00:17:09,153 --> 00:17:11,131
I have some shocking news
about your daughter Samantha.
333
00:17:11,155 --> 00:17:12,948
Who am I?
334
00:17:13,032 --> 00:17:14,783
Let's just say I'm
a concerned prude
335
00:17:14,867 --> 00:17:16,994
with a lot of time on his hands.
336
00:17:19,288 --> 00:17:22,458
I bet you had peanut butter
for breakfast.
337
00:17:23,834 --> 00:17:25,419
Yeah.
338
00:17:25,502 --> 00:17:26,754
- Samantha!
- Dad!
339
00:17:26,837 --> 00:17:29,339
Noooooo!
340
00:17:30,632 --> 00:17:32,301
Samantha, you're my little girl
341
00:17:32,384 --> 00:17:34,553
and sometimes my imagination
runs away with me.
342
00:17:34,636 --> 00:17:36,555
Just... Just tell me
what happened.
343
00:17:36,638 --> 00:17:38,557
- Well, Milhouse and I...
- That's enough!
344
00:17:38,640 --> 00:17:41,143
I'm putting you in
an all-girl school.
345
00:17:41,226 --> 00:17:43,812
You're never going to see
that boy again.
346
00:17:43,896 --> 00:17:45,064
Milhouse!
347
00:17:45,147 --> 00:17:46,940
Samantha!
348
00:17:50,527 --> 00:17:52,464
Well, Milhouse, 'tis better
to have loved and lost...
349
00:17:52,488 --> 00:17:53,655
yadda, yadda, yadda.
350
00:17:53,739 --> 00:17:55,074
Let's go to the arcade.
351
00:17:55,157 --> 00:17:56,492
How could this happen?
352
00:17:56,575 --> 00:17:58,577
We started out
like Romeo and Juliet
353
00:17:58,660 --> 00:18:01,413
but it ended up in tragedy.
354
00:18:01,497 --> 00:18:04,083
Hierospacy:
Predicting the future
355
00:18:04,166 --> 00:18:06,502
through the study
of animal entrails.
356
00:18:06,585 --> 00:18:08,629
Dad! Do you know
what today is?
357
00:18:08,712 --> 00:18:09,880
The vernal equinox?
358
00:18:09,963 --> 00:18:11,256
No, it's two weeks
359
00:18:11,340 --> 00:18:13,217
since you got that
subliminal weight-loss tape.
360
00:18:13,300 --> 00:18:14,885
Let's get you on the scale.
361
00:18:16,428 --> 00:18:18,806
You've gained 13 pounds.
362
00:18:18,889 --> 00:18:22,851
Disingenuous mountebanks with
their subliminal chicanery...
363
00:18:22,935 --> 00:18:24,561
A pox on them!
364
00:18:26,939 --> 00:18:29,233
There stands a broken man.
365
00:18:29,316 --> 00:18:31,693
It's recess everywhere
but in his heart.
366
00:18:32,986 --> 00:18:34,488
Hey, Bart, according
to this magazine
367
00:18:34,571 --> 00:18:36,031
in another million years
368
00:18:36,115 --> 00:18:37,825
man will have an extra finger.
369
00:18:37,908 --> 00:18:40,327
Five fingers?
Ooh... Freak show!
370
00:18:40,410 --> 00:18:43,205
Listen, Lis, I need some
advice and Mom's not here.
371
00:18:43,288 --> 00:18:45,040
- Why didn't you go to Dad?
- I did,
372
00:18:45,124 --> 00:18:46,434
but I couldn't understand
what the hell he was saying.
373
00:18:46,458 --> 00:18:47,835
Lisa, I feel terrible.
374
00:18:47,918 --> 00:18:49,670
I ratted on my best friend
375
00:18:49,753 --> 00:18:51,463
and he doesn't even know
I did it.
376
00:18:51,547 --> 00:18:54,049
Well, according to
Eternity magazine
377
00:18:54,133 --> 00:18:55,527
the feeling of guilt
has been linked
378
00:18:55,551 --> 00:18:57,636
to the neural-transmitter
gamephenomene.
379
00:18:57,719 --> 00:18:59,263
Dow chemical is developing
a minty gel
380
00:18:59,346 --> 00:19:01,265
which will eliminate
excess guilt,
381
00:19:01,348 --> 00:19:02,826
but unfortunately
it won't be on the market
382
00:19:02,850 --> 00:19:04,434
for another six months,
383
00:19:04,518 --> 00:19:06,358
so I guess you're gonna
have to bite the bullet
384
00:19:06,436 --> 00:19:08,272
and confess to Milhouse.
385
00:19:10,149 --> 00:19:12,109
Bart, I'm glad you're here.
386
00:19:12,192 --> 00:19:14,403
Milhouse could use
a friend like you.
387
00:19:18,323 --> 00:19:19,700
Milhouse?
388
00:19:19,783 --> 00:19:22,161
Bart, I didn't want you
to see me cry.
389
00:19:22,244 --> 00:19:23,370
Come on.
390
00:19:23,453 --> 00:19:24,597
I've seen you cry
a million times.
391
00:19:24,621 --> 00:19:26,081
You cry when
you scrape your knee.
392
00:19:26,165 --> 00:19:27,875
You cry when they're out
of chocolate milk.
393
00:19:27,958 --> 00:19:29,352
You cry when you're doing
long division
394
00:19:29,376 --> 00:19:30,794
and you have
a remainder left over.
395
00:19:30,878 --> 00:19:34,590
Well, I didn't want you
to see me cry this time.
396
00:19:34,673 --> 00:19:37,092
Listen, Milhouse, I got
a confession to make.
397
00:19:37,176 --> 00:19:39,678
I'm the one who narked
on your kissing.
398
00:19:39,761 --> 00:19:40,804
What?!
399
00:19:45,642 --> 00:19:48,645
Milhouse is out of bed
and full of beans.
400
00:19:48,729 --> 00:19:50,397
Whoa, it's a miracle!
401
00:20:04,036 --> 00:20:06,288
Well, I bet the eight ball
didn't see that one coming.
402
00:20:06,371 --> 00:20:07,956
Yeah.
403
00:20:08,040 --> 00:20:09,917
Marge...
404
00:20:10,000 --> 00:20:11,251
where's that...
405
00:20:11,335 --> 00:20:12,419
metal dealie...
406
00:20:12,502 --> 00:20:14,046
you use to...
407
00:20:14,129 --> 00:20:16,757
dig... food?
408
00:20:16,840 --> 00:20:17,883
You mean, a spoon?
409
00:20:17,966 --> 00:20:19,593
Yeah, yeah, yeah!
410
00:20:21,637 --> 00:20:22,637
This is good.
411
00:20:25,474 --> 00:20:27,809
Are you sure
you want to do this?
412
00:20:27,893 --> 00:20:29,978
I can't stop thinking about her.
413
00:20:30,062 --> 00:20:32,814
Even these gates remind me
of her braces.
414
00:20:32,898 --> 00:20:35,025
How are we gonna find her?
415
00:20:35,108 --> 00:20:37,277
She said she'd be
wearing a plaid jumper.
416
00:20:37,361 --> 00:20:38,654
Milhouse!
417
00:20:38,737 --> 00:20:39,988
Samantha!
418
00:20:41,657 --> 00:20:44,284
I went to Circus of Values
419
00:20:44,368 --> 00:20:46,208
and bought you a ten-gallon tub
of gummi bears.
420
00:20:47,621 --> 00:20:49,248
Hey, Samantha, I'm sorry about
421
00:20:49,331 --> 00:20:51,083
getting you thrown
in the penguin house.
422
00:20:51,166 --> 00:20:52,334
That's all right, Bart.
423
00:20:52,417 --> 00:20:53,961
I love Saint Sebastian's.
424
00:20:54,044 --> 00:20:56,797
It's run by a group of
French Canadian nuns.
425
00:20:56,880 --> 00:20:59,633
They're very nice except
they never let me out.
426
00:20:59,716 --> 00:21:06,265
♪♪
427
00:21:06,348 --> 00:21:09,184
Samantha, ne pas des boys.
428
00:21:13,105 --> 00:21:15,190
I have to go now, Milhouse.
429
00:21:16,900 --> 00:21:17,985
I'd better not.
430
00:21:18,068 --> 00:21:19,695
It's 50 rosaries a kiss.
431
00:21:19,778 --> 00:21:21,738
Okay.
432
00:21:21,822 --> 00:21:23,573
What the heck.
433
00:21:26,994 --> 00:21:31,748
Bart, think I can ever find
another one like her?
434
00:21:31,832 --> 00:21:33,333
You're asking
the wrong guy, Milhouse.
435
00:21:33,417 --> 00:21:35,502
They all look alike to me.
436
00:21:35,585 --> 00:21:37,587
Now, let's go whip donuts
at old people.
437
00:21:46,888 --> 00:21:49,266
♪♪
438
00:22:50,369 --> 00:22:51,661
Shh!
439
00:22:55,290 --> 00:22:58,168
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