Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated:
1
00:00:03,086 --> 00:00:05,922
♪ The Simpsons ♪
2
00:01:04,022 --> 00:01:05,482
D'
3
00:01:05,565 --> 00:01:07,692
Aah!
4
00:01:21,664 --> 00:01:24,501
Would you turn off
that rock n' rock music?
5
00:01:24,584 --> 00:01:26,586
Hey, don't have
a stegosaurus, man.
6
00:01:28,755 --> 00:01:30,590
These talking dinosaurs
are more real
7
00:01:30,673 --> 00:01:32,634
than most real families on TV.
8
00:01:32,717 --> 00:01:34,594
Ooh! Ooh! Ooh!
9
00:01:34,677 --> 00:01:37,680
Hee hee hee. Look, Maggie,
they have a baby too.
10
00:01:37,764 --> 00:01:41,059
It's like they saw our lives
and put it right up on screen.
11
00:01:41,142 --> 00:01:43,186
Now kids, I know
you're all excited
12
00:01:43,269 --> 00:01:45,563
about meeting Aunt Selma's
new boyfriend tonight.
13
00:01:45,647 --> 00:01:47,357
But I think that before he gets here
14
00:01:47,440 --> 00:01:49,317
I should tell you
something about him.
15
00:01:49,400 --> 00:01:51,778
Something disturbing.
16
00:01:52,821 --> 00:01:54,614
Ooh!
17
00:01:54,697 --> 00:01:56,533
Ooh!
18
00:01:56,616 --> 00:01:58,201
Eyugh!
19
00:01:58,284 --> 00:02:00,995
You see, Aunt Selma has
this crazy obsession
20
00:02:01,079 --> 00:02:02,539
about not dying alone.
21
00:02:02,622 --> 00:02:03,915
So in desperation,
22
00:02:03,998 --> 00:02:06,376
she joined this prison
pen pal program.
23
00:02:06,459 --> 00:02:08,253
Her new sweetie is a jailbird.
24
00:02:08,336 --> 00:02:10,213
Cool, he can teach us
25
00:02:10,296 --> 00:02:11,965
how to kill a man
with a lunch tray.
26
00:02:12,048 --> 00:02:15,343
Now, now, he's an ex-convict.
27
00:02:15,426 --> 00:02:17,345
He's paid his debt to society.
28
00:02:17,428 --> 00:02:18,805
Then how come you're not using
29
00:02:18,888 --> 00:02:20,014
the good silverware?
30
00:02:20,098 --> 00:02:21,099
I'm just not.
31
00:02:21,182 --> 00:02:23,184
That's them.
32
00:02:23,268 --> 00:02:24,561
Remember, everyone,
33
00:02:24,644 --> 00:02:26,563
be understanding and forgiving
34
00:02:26,646 --> 00:02:28,606
for the sake of family unity.
35
00:02:28,690 --> 00:02:32,193
Everyone,
I'd like you to meet...
36
00:02:32,277 --> 00:02:33,945
Aah! Sideshow Bob!
37
00:02:34,028 --> 00:02:35,530
What the...
38
00:02:35,613 --> 00:02:36,882
Selma, dear, I'm afraid
the children's reaction
39
00:02:36,906 --> 00:02:38,449
is quite understandable.
40
00:02:38,533 --> 00:02:40,373
You see, Bart here is
the shamus in short pants
41
00:02:40,410 --> 00:02:41,494
who sent me to prison.
42
00:02:41,578 --> 00:02:42,912
That's right, Aunt Selma.
43
00:02:42,996 --> 00:02:44,998
Your new boyfriend here
framed Krusty the Clown
44
00:02:45,081 --> 00:02:46,457
for armed robbery.
45
00:02:48,209 --> 00:02:50,712
Gee, if some snot-nosed
little kid sent me to prison,
46
00:02:50,795 --> 00:02:52,922
the first thing out,
I'd find out where he lives
47
00:02:53,006 --> 00:02:55,300
and tear him a new belly-button.
48
00:02:57,343 --> 00:02:58,511
Lousy snitch.
49
00:02:58,595 --> 00:02:59,595
Yaah!
50
00:03:01,806 --> 00:03:04,434
Mr. Simpson, you're forgetting
51
00:03:04,517 --> 00:03:06,519
the first two noble truths
of the Buddha.
52
00:03:06,603 --> 00:03:07,979
- I am not.
- Yes, you are.
53
00:03:08,062 --> 00:03:10,607
One:
Existence is suffering.
54
00:03:10,690 --> 00:03:13,318
Two: The cause
of suffering is desire.
55
00:03:13,401 --> 00:03:16,196
In this case, my desire
to do high-quality
56
00:03:16,279 --> 00:03:17,447
children's programming.
57
00:03:19,032 --> 00:03:20,467
When prison put
an end to that dream,
58
00:03:20,491 --> 00:03:21,993
I became a seething cauldron
59
00:03:22,076 --> 00:03:23,244
of rage and recrimination.
60
00:03:40,595 --> 00:03:43,097
When I was nominated
for best supporting performer
61
00:03:43,181 --> 00:03:45,642
in a children's program
at the daytime Emmy awards,
62
00:03:45,725 --> 00:03:47,477
my bitterness ruined
63
00:03:47,560 --> 00:03:49,496
what should have been
the greatest night of my life.
64
00:03:49,520 --> 00:03:50,980
And the nominees are:
65
00:03:51,064 --> 00:03:52,565
Droopy drawers,
66
00:03:52,649 --> 00:03:53,900
Colonel Coward,
67
00:03:53,983 --> 00:03:57,237
Pepito, the biggest cat
in the whole wide world,
68
00:03:57,320 --> 00:03:59,405
Sideshow Bob,
69
00:03:59,489 --> 00:04:01,491
and Suckup the Vacuum.
70
00:04:01,574 --> 00:04:03,576
And the Emmy goes to...
71
00:04:03,660 --> 00:04:05,662
I don't believe this...
72
00:04:05,745 --> 00:04:07,330
Sideshow Bob.
73
00:04:11,167 --> 00:04:13,044
This is one more Emmy
than you'll ever win,
74
00:04:13,127 --> 00:04:15,380
you bantering jack-in-the-box!
75
00:04:15,463 --> 00:04:17,507
Just don't drop that thing
in the shower, Bob.
76
00:04:17,590 --> 00:04:19,008
- No-talent, shill!
- Second banana!
77
00:04:19,092 --> 00:04:20,009
- Panderer!
- Bore!
78
00:04:20,093 --> 00:04:22,845
Stop it! I can...
Release me!
79
00:04:25,306 --> 00:04:27,809
Now for the highlight
of the evening,
80
00:04:27,892 --> 00:04:29,185
best film-to-video transfer.
81
00:04:30,395 --> 00:04:31,813
Do you know what prison is like
82
00:04:31,896 --> 00:04:34,148
for a life-long,
conservative Republican?
83
00:04:37,819 --> 00:04:39,237
In our overcrowded cell
84
00:04:39,320 --> 00:04:41,656
we became little more
than beasts.
85
00:04:41,739 --> 00:04:43,074
Who used my chap stick?
86
00:04:43,157 --> 00:04:44,325
I did.
Here you go.
87
00:04:44,409 --> 00:04:46,452
I don't want it.
88
00:04:46,536 --> 00:04:49,622
My only joy came with plotting
a horrible revenge
89
00:04:49,706 --> 00:04:51,541
against the boy
who put me there.
90
00:04:58,631 --> 00:04:59,841
Ay, caramba!
91
00:04:59,924 --> 00:05:01,634
Bart, if I wanted to kill you,
92
00:05:01,718 --> 00:05:03,028
I'd have choked you
like a chicken
93
00:05:03,052 --> 00:05:04,470
as soon as I walked in
that door.
94
00:05:05,430 --> 00:05:06,723
But then what kind of a guest
95
00:05:06,806 --> 00:05:07,974
would I have been?
96
00:05:10,935 --> 00:05:11,936
Now, where was I?
97
00:05:12,020 --> 00:05:15,106
Yes. My lowest ebb.
98
00:05:15,189 --> 00:05:16,774
You can't take my Emmy.
99
00:05:16,858 --> 00:05:18,443
Hey, you know the rules.
100
00:05:18,526 --> 00:05:21,362
Awards for excellence
in entertainment are contraband.
101
00:05:21,446 --> 00:05:22,446
No Emmys, no Oscars,
102
00:05:22,488 --> 00:05:23,614
not even a Golden Globe.
103
00:05:25,825 --> 00:05:28,786
But kismet can be kind,
as well as cruel.
104
00:05:28,870 --> 00:05:30,288
I received an answer
to my letter
105
00:05:30,371 --> 00:05:31,598
from the prison pen pal program.
106
00:05:31,622 --> 00:05:35,209
"Dear #24601...
107
00:05:35,293 --> 00:05:37,670
"I need a man
and I cannot find one
108
00:05:37,754 --> 00:05:39,464
"among the law abiding.
109
00:05:39,547 --> 00:05:42,133
"I have a steady job
and a lucrative hobby:
110
00:05:42,216 --> 00:05:44,302
"filing nuisance lawsuits.
111
00:05:44,385 --> 00:05:46,179
"I share an apartment
with my twin sister.
112
00:05:46,262 --> 00:05:47,680
"Enclosed is a photo of us
113
00:05:47,764 --> 00:05:48,764
"on a tandem bike.
114
00:05:48,806 --> 00:05:50,808
I forget which one I am."
115
00:05:52,560 --> 00:05:53,936
"Dear Selma...
116
00:05:54,020 --> 00:05:55,563
"your latest letter
set off a riot
117
00:05:55,646 --> 00:05:58,733
in the maximum-security wing
of my heart."
118
00:06:02,945 --> 00:06:05,907
Like the lone crocus
that pokes through the prison yard,
119
00:06:05,990 --> 00:06:08,284
our love bloomed
despite all obstacles.
120
00:06:10,328 --> 00:06:12,455
Selma, may I?
121
00:06:13,706 --> 00:06:16,376
On the cheek.
122
00:06:19,337 --> 00:06:20,963
Inspired by the love
of a good woman,
123
00:06:21,047 --> 00:06:22,548
I resolved to be
124
00:06:22,632 --> 00:06:24,634
the best darned inmate
#24601 I could be.
125
00:06:27,845 --> 00:06:29,305
I bade farewell to my cellmates,
126
00:06:29,389 --> 00:06:30,973
and left with the woman I loved.
127
00:06:32,183 --> 00:06:33,601
Cutter.
128
00:06:33,684 --> 00:06:35,186
Icepick.
129
00:06:35,269 --> 00:06:36,562
Snake.
130
00:06:36,646 --> 00:06:38,398
I'm going to miss you
most of all.
131
00:06:40,233 --> 00:06:41,984
Aww!
132
00:06:42,068 --> 00:06:44,028
What a beautiful story,
sideshow Bob.
133
00:06:44,112 --> 00:06:45,363
You're living proof
134
00:06:45,446 --> 00:06:47,907
that our revolving-door
prison system works.
135
00:06:47,990 --> 00:06:49,826
Selma, I've never
seen you so happy.
136
00:06:49,909 --> 00:06:51,911
Giggling like a schoolgirl.
137
00:06:55,039 --> 00:06:56,624
I've got to admit it, Selma,
138
00:06:56,707 --> 00:06:58,918
he's a once-in-a-lifetime catch.
139
00:06:59,001 --> 00:07:01,879
Yes, I hope the police
are saying that as well.
140
00:07:05,466 --> 00:07:06,801
I can't believe you guys.
141
00:07:06,884 --> 00:07:09,137
This man framed
Krusty the Clown.
142
00:07:09,220 --> 00:07:11,180
- Bart!
- Indeed, I did
143
00:07:11,264 --> 00:07:14,016
and I'd like to thank you
for catching me, Bart.
144
00:07:14,100 --> 00:07:15,393
You seized the wheel
145
00:07:15,476 --> 00:07:17,019
of my slow boat to hell,
and pointed it
146
00:07:17,103 --> 00:07:20,022
straight towards
the sunny shores of Selma.
147
00:07:20,106 --> 00:07:21,107
Hear, hear.
148
00:07:21,190 --> 00:07:22,817
Selma, would you mind
149
00:07:22,900 --> 00:07:24,694
if I did something
bold and shocking
150
00:07:24,777 --> 00:07:26,112
in front of your family?
151
00:07:26,195 --> 00:07:27,238
All right, but no tongues.
152
00:07:27,321 --> 00:07:28,614
Although kissing you
153
00:07:28,698 --> 00:07:30,867
would be like kissing
some divine ashtray,
154
00:07:30,950 --> 00:07:32,243
that's not what I had in mind.
155
00:07:32,326 --> 00:07:35,538
Selma, will you marry me?
156
00:07:36,664 --> 00:07:37,790
Don't be a fool, Aunt Selma.
157
00:07:37,874 --> 00:07:39,167
That man is scum.
158
00:07:39,250 --> 00:07:41,586
Then call me "Mrs. Scum."
159
00:07:48,384 --> 00:07:49,969
♪ I know I stand in line ♪
160
00:07:50,052 --> 00:07:51,888
♪ Until I think
you have the time ♪
161
00:07:51,971 --> 00:07:54,432
♪ To spend
an evening with me ♪
162
00:07:57,143 --> 00:07:59,437
♪ And if we go
someplace to dance ♪
163
00:07:59,520 --> 00:08:01,105
♪ I know that
there's a chance ♪
164
00:08:01,189 --> 00:08:03,816
♪ You won't be leaving
with me ♪
165
00:08:06,027 --> 00:08:08,529
♪ And afterwards, we drop into ♪
166
00:08:08,613 --> 00:08:10,156
♪ A quiet little place ♪
167
00:08:10,239 --> 00:08:12,617
♪ And have a drink or two ♪
168
00:08:15,369 --> 00:08:17,455
♪ And then I go and spoil it all ♪
169
00:08:17,538 --> 00:08:19,832
♪ By saying
something stupid ♪
170
00:08:19,916 --> 00:08:23,503
♪ Like "I love you" ♪
171
00:08:27,882 --> 00:08:31,511
Could you... pumice
my corns for me?
172
00:08:31,594 --> 00:08:33,346
Avec plaisir.
173
00:08:33,429 --> 00:08:35,765
"A"... "G"...
174
00:08:35,848 --> 00:08:39,560
"Q"... Seven...
175
00:08:39,644 --> 00:08:40,811
Close enough.
176
00:08:40,895 --> 00:08:44,565
May you drive safely
and find true love.
177
00:08:44,649 --> 00:08:46,567
We now return to the 27th annual
178
00:08:46,651 --> 00:08:47,944
Krusty the Clown telethon
179
00:08:48,027 --> 00:08:49,362
for motion sickness.
180
00:08:49,445 --> 00:08:50,488
Tympani.
181
00:08:52,198 --> 00:08:55,076
Whoo-hoo! I love you people!
182
00:08:55,159 --> 00:08:58,496
I love my kids!
183
00:08:58,579 --> 00:09:00,039
Poor little guys.
184
00:09:00,122 --> 00:09:01,707
So tragic.
185
00:09:01,791 --> 00:09:03,709
So nauseous.
186
00:09:03,793 --> 00:09:06,212
You should see the bus
they came to the studio in.
187
00:09:13,302 --> 00:09:15,012
What's next?
Yeah.
188
00:09:15,096 --> 00:09:18,641
And now, a man who needs
no introduction,
189
00:09:18,724 --> 00:09:20,560
"The Chairman of the Company"...
190
00:09:20,643 --> 00:09:22,103
You know who I'm talking about.
191
00:09:22,186 --> 00:09:23,646
Get out here, you gumba!
192
00:09:25,731 --> 00:09:28,651
Krustelah, there's
an old friend backstage
193
00:09:28,734 --> 00:09:31,445
- who wants to say hello.
- What?
194
00:09:31,529 --> 00:09:34,365
- I can't believe it!
- They've been feuding for years.
195
00:09:36,450 --> 00:09:37,952
Come here, you.
196
00:09:38,035 --> 00:09:39,203
You old clown, you.
197
00:09:39,287 --> 00:09:40,454
I missed you.
198
00:09:40,538 --> 00:09:42,873
This guy is a national treasure.
199
00:09:42,957 --> 00:09:44,792
That jerk I got to replace you,
200
00:09:44,875 --> 00:09:46,877
he isn't fit to hold
your slide whistle.
201
00:09:46,961 --> 00:09:49,005
All I can be is myself.
202
00:09:49,088 --> 00:09:51,215
Krusty, can you ever
forgive me for framing you
203
00:09:51,299 --> 00:09:52,967
and putting you in jail?
204
00:09:53,050 --> 00:09:54,903
Hey, if they ever open
the books on this telethon,
205
00:09:54,927 --> 00:09:56,304
I'm right back in there.
206
00:09:56,387 --> 00:09:58,347
That sideshow Bob
207
00:09:58,431 --> 00:10:00,141
is a no-good show biz phony.
208
00:10:00,224 --> 00:10:01,767
Come on, Bart.
209
00:10:01,851 --> 00:10:03,704
If Krusty can find it
in his heart to forgive him,
210
00:10:03,728 --> 00:10:05,688
surely you can, too.
211
00:10:05,771 --> 00:10:07,189
Krusty, I can't tell you
212
00:10:07,273 --> 00:10:09,191
how much I missed this.
213
00:10:09,275 --> 00:10:10,318
Ha-ha!
214
00:10:10,401 --> 00:10:12,903
Now, about your wedding dress...
215
00:10:12,987 --> 00:10:14,822
I'm not sure how to put this...
216
00:10:14,905 --> 00:10:17,074
- White!
- White.
217
00:10:17,158 --> 00:10:18,826
And what would you like
for appetizers?
218
00:10:18,909 --> 00:10:20,411
Ooh, appetizers.
219
00:10:20,494 --> 00:10:22,134
Well, Homer, you seem
to be a trencherman.
220
00:10:22,204 --> 00:10:23,664
What should we serve?
221
00:10:23,748 --> 00:10:26,959
Well, you can't go wrong
with cocktail weenies.
222
00:10:27,043 --> 00:10:28,961
They taste as good as they look,
223
00:10:29,045 --> 00:10:31,297
and they come in this
delicious red sauce.
224
00:10:31,380 --> 00:10:34,091
It looks like ketchup,
it tastes like ketchup,
225
00:10:34,175 --> 00:10:36,719
but, brother, it ain't ketchup!
226
00:10:36,802 --> 00:10:38,471
Well, Selma,
he makes a good case.
227
00:10:38,554 --> 00:10:39,680
Get whatever you want.
228
00:10:39,764 --> 00:10:41,891
It all tastes
like Styrofoam to me.
229
00:10:41,974 --> 00:10:44,393
Selma, dear, I'm confused.
230
00:10:44,477 --> 00:10:45,936
Well, when I was a kid,
231
00:10:46,020 --> 00:10:47,563
we were playing
with bottle rockets,
232
00:10:47,647 --> 00:10:49,982
and one shot
straight up my nose.
233
00:10:50,066 --> 00:10:53,361
I permanently lost my sense
of taste and smell.
234
00:10:53,444 --> 00:10:57,323
Okay, we've got cocktail weenies
and Swedish meatballs.
235
00:10:57,406 --> 00:10:59,408
Selma, this wedding is
spinning out of control.
236
00:10:59,492 --> 00:11:00,910
Can we really afford it?
237
00:11:00,993 --> 00:11:02,846
I've already run through
eight of the ten dollars
238
00:11:02,870 --> 00:11:04,330
they gave me when I left prison.
239
00:11:04,413 --> 00:11:06,582
Hey, relax.
I told you I got money.
240
00:11:06,666 --> 00:11:08,626
I bought stock in a mace company
241
00:11:08,709 --> 00:11:10,628
just before society crumbled.
242
00:11:10,711 --> 00:11:12,922
Selma, that's wonderful!
243
00:11:13,005 --> 00:11:14,298
I just hope people don't think
244
00:11:14,382 --> 00:11:16,342
I'm marrying you for your money,
245
00:11:16,425 --> 00:11:19,804
instead of your...
less tangible qualities.
246
00:11:21,347 --> 00:11:25,059
Tomorrow we'll be
Mr. and Mrs. Bob Terwilliger.
247
00:11:25,142 --> 00:11:26,394
Isn't it grand?
248
00:11:26,477 --> 00:11:29,647
Hey, Bob, give some
of that honey this way.
249
00:11:32,525 --> 00:11:33,901
Holy frijoles!
250
00:11:33,984 --> 00:11:35,295
We've got ten minutes
till "MacGyver".
251
00:11:35,319 --> 00:11:36,696
Driver, here's a fin.
252
00:11:36,779 --> 00:11:37,964
Get me home,
and don't spare the whip.
253
00:11:37,988 --> 00:11:39,073
Whatever you say, mum.
254
00:11:41,742 --> 00:11:42,743
What did I miss?
255
00:11:42,827 --> 00:11:45,621
MacGyver was wearing a tank top.
256
00:11:45,705 --> 00:11:47,248
Dang.
257
00:11:47,331 --> 00:11:48,850
Why, Selma, I thought I was
the only man in your life.
258
00:11:48,874 --> 00:11:50,376
Sit down and shut up!
259
00:11:50,459 --> 00:11:52,211
Thank you, Señor MacGyver,
260
00:11:52,294 --> 00:11:53,713
you saved our village.
261
00:11:53,796 --> 00:11:55,214
Don't thank me.
262
00:11:55,297 --> 00:11:56,757
Thank the moon's
gravitational pull.
263
00:12:01,137 --> 00:12:03,222
That MacGyver's a genius.
264
00:12:03,305 --> 00:12:05,474
First of all, he's not a genius.
265
00:12:05,558 --> 00:12:06,976
He's an actor.
266
00:12:07,059 --> 00:12:08,811
And second, he's
not much of an actor.
267
00:12:08,894 --> 00:12:11,063
You're lying.
You're lying!
268
00:12:11,147 --> 00:12:13,065
No, Selma, this is lying:
269
00:12:13,149 --> 00:12:15,609
That was a well-plotted piece
of non-claptrap
270
00:12:15,693 --> 00:12:17,153
that never made me
want to retch.
271
00:12:17,236 --> 00:12:18,571
No!
272
00:12:23,075 --> 00:12:25,119
He was so cruel.
273
00:12:25,202 --> 00:12:27,455
The things he said...
274
00:12:27,538 --> 00:12:29,582
They're just not true.
275
00:12:29,665 --> 00:12:31,459
There, there.
276
00:12:31,542 --> 00:12:32,877
Well, I guess the wedding's off.
277
00:12:32,960 --> 00:12:34,795
Fiddle-dee-dee.
Tomorrow's another day.
278
00:12:34,879 --> 00:12:37,798
- Bart, stop that!
- No, he's right.
279
00:12:37,882 --> 00:12:39,341
We're a package.
280
00:12:39,425 --> 00:12:41,969
Love me, love "MacGyver".
281
00:12:42,052 --> 00:12:43,721
I guess the wedding's off.
282
00:12:45,848 --> 00:12:47,224
Selma, I don't know what to say.
283
00:12:47,308 --> 00:12:49,769
Just tell me
you like "MacGyver".
284
00:12:49,852 --> 00:12:51,937
Very well. I...
285
00:12:52,021 --> 00:12:53,856
I...
286
00:12:53,939 --> 00:12:55,232
I can't do it!
287
00:12:55,316 --> 00:12:57,109
Even that car chase
seemed tacked on.
288
00:12:59,069 --> 00:13:01,864
Would you two knock it off?
289
00:13:01,947 --> 00:13:03,783
I hate all the programs
Marge likes,
290
00:13:03,866 --> 00:13:05,117
but it's no big deal.
291
00:13:05,201 --> 00:13:06,243
You know why?
292
00:13:06,327 --> 00:13:07,244
- No.
- Go on.
293
00:13:07,328 --> 00:13:08,579
Whenever Marge puts on
294
00:13:08,662 --> 00:13:11,999
one of her nonviolent programs,
I take a walk.
295
00:13:12,082 --> 00:13:14,210
I go to a bar, I pound a few,
296
00:13:14,293 --> 00:13:17,338
then I stumble home
in the mood for love.
297
00:13:17,421 --> 00:13:18,964
Very well, Selma.
298
00:13:19,048 --> 00:13:20,382
Whenever you watch "MacGyver,"
299
00:13:20,466 --> 00:13:22,426
I'll take
a vigorous constitutional,
300
00:13:22,510 --> 00:13:24,970
and return more in love
with you than ever.
301
00:13:25,054 --> 00:13:26,680
Bob.
302
00:13:26,764 --> 00:13:29,350
Bart no like.
Bad medicine.
303
00:13:32,102 --> 00:13:34,522
I could have been
the flower girl,
304
00:13:34,605 --> 00:13:36,315
and I wouldn't keep
falling down either.
305
00:13:36,398 --> 00:13:38,651
Hey, they chose Maggie, okay?
306
00:13:38,734 --> 00:13:40,528
Yeah, well, if you want
to go for cutesyness
307
00:13:40,611 --> 00:13:42,696
instead of competence, fine.
308
00:13:42,780 --> 00:13:44,907
Do you, Bob, take Selma,
309
00:13:44,990 --> 00:13:48,369
to have and to hold,
in sickness and in health,
310
00:13:48,452 --> 00:13:49,954
till death do you part?
311
00:13:52,039 --> 00:13:53,039
I do.
312
00:14:01,674 --> 00:14:02,925
Hey, wiener boy.
313
00:14:03,008 --> 00:14:04,885
Where do you think you're going?
314
00:14:11,600 --> 00:14:15,104
I'm the only single girl
left in the family.
315
00:14:18,983 --> 00:14:21,026
Well, I guess it could be worse.
316
00:14:21,110 --> 00:14:22,903
There's Krusty the Clown.
317
00:14:22,987 --> 00:14:25,531
Krusty! Krusty, say
something funny.
318
00:14:25,614 --> 00:14:27,116
Gee, a joke?
319
00:14:27,199 --> 00:14:30,119
Um... Funny...
320
00:14:30,202 --> 00:14:32,329
Okay, this guy walks into a bar
321
00:14:32,413 --> 00:14:35,291
and takes out a tiny piano
and a 12-inch pianist...
322
00:14:35,374 --> 00:14:38,460
No, wait.
I can't tell that one. ho!
323
00:14:38,544 --> 00:14:41,463
Dear friends, 41 years ago,
324
00:14:41,547 --> 00:14:46,385
God took 168 pounds of clay,
and he made me a woman,
325
00:14:46,468 --> 00:14:48,679
and for this, I thank him.
326
00:14:48,762 --> 00:14:50,139
I just wanted to say,
327
00:14:50,222 --> 00:14:53,058
on the advice of my new husband,
328
00:14:53,142 --> 00:14:55,227
I've decided
to give up smoking...
329
00:14:56,729 --> 00:14:59,690
except for after meals
and after "MacGyver".
330
00:14:59,773 --> 00:15:01,984
Why, Selma, dear, you'll bury us all.
331
00:15:03,819 --> 00:15:05,279
Chief Wiggum,
you've been around.
332
00:15:05,362 --> 00:15:07,323
You don't trust
sideshow Bob, do you?
333
00:15:07,406 --> 00:15:09,283
Lighten up, son.
334
00:15:09,366 --> 00:15:11,201
If he was going
to commit a crime,
335
00:15:11,285 --> 00:15:14,163
would he have invited
the number-one cop in town?
336
00:15:14,246 --> 00:15:16,123
Now, where did I put my gun?
337
00:15:16,206 --> 00:15:17,458
Yeah.
338
00:15:17,541 --> 00:15:20,044
I set it down when I got
a piece of cake.
339
00:15:23,297 --> 00:15:25,090
I don't know what to say.
340
00:15:25,174 --> 00:15:27,801
Just tell me what you
know I want to hear.
341
00:15:27,885 --> 00:15:31,096
I'm dying of jealousy.
342
00:15:31,180 --> 00:15:32,598
Thank you.
343
00:15:35,434 --> 00:15:37,353
That's right, dear.
344
00:15:37,436 --> 00:15:39,313
Enjoy your rest.
345
00:15:39,396 --> 00:15:41,565
The wedding was
very tough on you,
346
00:15:41,649 --> 00:15:44,026
and the honeymoon
is going to be...
347
00:15:44,109 --> 00:15:45,778
murder.
348
00:16:02,169 --> 00:16:04,713
Welcome to our video honeymoon.
349
00:16:04,797 --> 00:16:07,591
We're using the video camera
Cousin Doug gave us,
350
00:16:07,675 --> 00:16:10,594
and the video cassette
Homer gave us.
351
00:16:10,678 --> 00:16:14,139
Hey, and after we watch this,
we can tape over it.
352
00:16:14,223 --> 00:16:18,352
There's Shelbyville Falls,
rolling rock,
353
00:16:18,435 --> 00:16:20,729
and here's another
breathtaking sight.
354
00:16:20,813 --> 00:16:23,607
My brand-new hubby.
355
00:16:23,691 --> 00:16:25,693
I wanted a room
with a fireplace,
356
00:16:25,776 --> 00:16:26,944
you brainless luggage monkey!
357
00:16:27,027 --> 00:16:29,279
Like the one in your brochure!
358
00:16:29,363 --> 00:16:31,073
Selma, dear.
359
00:16:31,156 --> 00:16:34,535
I was just chatting with
my good friend... Dennis.
360
00:16:34,618 --> 00:16:36,787
Now, smile for the camera,
that's a good lad.
361
00:16:39,748 --> 00:16:41,792
Fire.
362
00:16:41,875 --> 00:16:44,336
Scourge of Prometheus,
toaster of marshmallows,
363
00:16:44,420 --> 00:16:46,797
eradicator of dead wood.
364
00:16:46,880 --> 00:16:49,800
Selma, dear,
you and your little camera.
365
00:16:49,883 --> 00:16:52,261
What do you say we
shut it off for a while?
366
00:16:52,344 --> 00:16:53,971
And make love?
367
00:16:55,806 --> 00:16:57,057
I suppose so.
368
00:16:57,141 --> 00:16:59,476
That's sweet.
369
00:16:59,560 --> 00:17:03,022
Why would Sideshow Bob
go so nuts over a fireplace?
370
00:17:03,105 --> 00:17:05,232
Because he wants his honeymoon
371
00:17:05,315 --> 00:17:06,650
to be romantic.
372
00:17:06,734 --> 00:17:08,902
Romantic? With Aunt Selma?
373
00:17:08,986 --> 00:17:10,863
I guess you're just
too young to understand.
374
00:17:16,952 --> 00:17:20,914
Bob, one of my fillings
fell out.
375
00:17:20,998 --> 00:17:23,917
Even murder has its ugly side.
376
00:17:24,001 --> 00:17:27,212
Bob, would you mind
rubbing my feet?
377
00:17:29,506 --> 00:17:32,051
Darling, you make it
sound like a chore.
378
00:17:33,510 --> 00:17:35,387
Ooh...
Good...
379
00:17:35,471 --> 00:17:36,638
Soon I will kill you.
380
00:17:37,723 --> 00:17:38,974
Son pieds sentit beau...
381
00:17:39,058 --> 00:17:40,809
French for
"Her foot smells lovely."
382
00:17:42,352 --> 00:17:43,979
Prepare to be murdered.
383
00:17:46,774 --> 00:17:50,319
That's... Sanskrit for
"Your toes are like perfume."
384
00:17:51,445 --> 00:17:53,906
- Voy a matar a usted.
- Wha..?
385
00:17:53,989 --> 00:17:55,157
That's Spanish for
386
00:17:55,240 --> 00:17:56,533
"I am going to kill you."
387
00:17:56,617 --> 00:17:57,868
Say what?
388
00:17:57,951 --> 00:17:59,495
Why, dear,
I do believe it's time
389
00:17:59,578 --> 00:18:01,038
for your beloved "MacGyver".
390
00:18:01,121 --> 00:18:02,372
Hey, you're right.
391
00:18:14,343 --> 00:18:16,553
Well, time for my walk.
392
00:18:16,637 --> 00:18:19,056
Don't forget to die.
393
00:18:19,139 --> 00:18:20,766
Ding-dong.
394
00:18:20,849 --> 00:18:23,727
I was feeling kind of
lonely without Selma.
395
00:18:23,811 --> 00:18:25,896
Mind if I watch TV with you?
396
00:18:25,979 --> 00:18:28,524
Go ahead, Patty.
397
00:18:28,607 --> 00:18:30,859
Tonight, on "MacGyver"...
398
00:18:30,943 --> 00:18:34,196
"MacGyver,"
"MacGyver," "MacGyver."
399
00:18:34,279 --> 00:18:36,490
Aunt Selma has one hour to live.
400
00:18:36,573 --> 00:18:37,741
Hey, down in front.
401
00:18:41,954 --> 00:18:42,954
Goodbye.
402
00:18:50,546 --> 00:18:53,632
Front desk, there's been
a terrible accident in my room!
403
00:18:58,303 --> 00:19:02,015
Poor Selma.
You were having such a lovely evening
404
00:19:02,099 --> 00:19:03,976
♪ And then I went
and spoiled it all ♪
405
00:19:04,059 --> 00:19:07,437
♪ By doing something stupid
like explode you ♪
406
00:19:08,605 --> 00:19:09,606
Sideshow Bob,
407
00:19:09,690 --> 00:19:10,983
I'm afraid the only victims here
408
00:19:11,066 --> 00:19:13,443
are the good people
at Best Western hotels.
409
00:19:13,527 --> 00:19:14,778
Bart!
410
00:19:15,863 --> 00:19:16,863
Selma!
411
00:19:17,990 --> 00:19:19,324
You tried to kill me.
412
00:19:19,408 --> 00:19:21,076
I want a separation.
413
00:19:22,995 --> 00:19:25,622
My best-laid plans
have gang agley.
414
00:19:25,706 --> 00:19:27,183
Chief Wiggum, think you
have room in your jail
415
00:19:27,207 --> 00:19:28,917
for a two-time loser?
416
00:19:29,001 --> 00:19:31,795
Well, no, frankly, but that never
stopped us before. Ha!
417
00:19:33,463 --> 00:19:36,300
Bart, I must know,
how did you untangle my web?
418
00:19:36,383 --> 00:19:37,759
Yeah, Bart, clue us in.
419
00:19:37,843 --> 00:19:40,095
Well, I'd hate to tell
the number-one cop in town
420
00:19:40,179 --> 00:19:41,597
how to do his job.
421
00:19:41,680 --> 00:19:44,099
No, no, please, it's
the only way I'll learn.
422
00:19:44,183 --> 00:19:45,601
All right.
423
00:19:45,684 --> 00:19:46,964
Sideshow Bob seemed so desperate
424
00:19:47,019 --> 00:19:49,188
to get that fireplace, but why?
425
00:19:49,271 --> 00:19:51,982
Then it hit me.
The gas!
426
00:19:52,065 --> 00:19:54,860
Surely anyone would have
noticed a gas leak
427
00:19:54,943 --> 00:19:57,529
except Aunt Selma.
428
00:19:57,613 --> 00:20:00,574
I permanently lost
my sense of taste and smell.
429
00:20:00,657 --> 00:20:02,451
She happily watched her "MacGyver,"
430
00:20:02,534 --> 00:20:03,994
unaware that her room
431
00:20:04,077 --> 00:20:06,205
was silently filling
with natural gas.
432
00:20:06,288 --> 00:20:07,664
All it needed to explode
433
00:20:07,748 --> 00:20:11,877
was a single spark,
say, from a cigarette.
434
00:20:11,960 --> 00:20:14,296
I've decided to give up smoking
435
00:20:14,379 --> 00:20:16,340
except for after meals
and after "MacGyver".
436
00:20:16,423 --> 00:20:18,133
Her only hope was a plucky young boy
437
00:20:18,217 --> 00:20:20,052
and his slow-witted father.
438
00:20:20,135 --> 00:20:21,887
Dad, when Aunt Selma
lights up her cigarette
439
00:20:21,970 --> 00:20:23,096
at the end of "MacGyver,"
440
00:20:23,180 --> 00:20:24,932
she'll be blown to kingdom come.
441
00:20:25,015 --> 00:20:26,015
Come again?
442
00:20:28,018 --> 00:20:29,603
After trying four times
443
00:20:29,686 --> 00:20:31,486
to explain it to Homer,
I explained it to Mom,
444
00:20:31,563 --> 00:20:33,357
and we were on our way!
445
00:20:33,440 --> 00:20:34,441
To the Simpson-mobile!
446
00:20:52,292 --> 00:20:53,961
No!
447
00:20:57,047 --> 00:20:59,967
But wait, if you saved Selma,
why did the room explode?
448
00:21:00,050 --> 00:21:01,927
I'll field that one.
449
00:21:02,010 --> 00:21:04,096
Me and the boys were
all celebrating a job well done,
450
00:21:04,179 --> 00:21:05,639
when I threw my match
451
00:21:05,722 --> 00:21:07,099
in the vicinity
of the crime scene.
452
00:21:09,559 --> 00:21:11,687
Right!
The gas.
453
00:21:11,770 --> 00:21:13,605
I'll be back.
You can't keep
454
00:21:13,689 --> 00:21:15,482
the Democrats out of
the White House forever,
455
00:21:15,565 --> 00:21:17,901
and when they get in,
I'm back on the streets
456
00:21:17,985 --> 00:21:19,611
with all my criminal buddies!
457
00:21:25,951 --> 00:21:28,370
I feel like such a fool.
458
00:21:28,453 --> 00:21:30,706
Well, he fooled almost everyone,
459
00:21:30,789 --> 00:21:34,459
but there was one little boy
who never lost his mistrust.
460
00:21:34,543 --> 00:21:36,545
Thanks, Mom.
461
00:21:36,628 --> 00:21:38,463
Now, let's get out
of this gas-filled hallway
462
00:21:38,547 --> 00:21:40,507
before we all suffocate.
463
00:21:46,972 --> 00:21:49,891
♪♪
464
00:22:51,203 --> 00:22:52,412
Shh.
465
00:22:55,207 --> 00:22:58,085
CAPTIONS ENHANCED BY
ROUNDABOUT ENTERTAINMENT INC.
32190
Can't find what you're looking for?
Get subtitles in any language from opensubtitles.com, and translate them here.
Afrikaans
Akan
Albanian
Amharic
Arabic
Armenian
Azerbaijani
Basque
Belarusian
Bemba
Bengali
Bihari
Bosnian
Breton
Bulgarian
Cambodian
Catalan
Cebuano
Cherokee
Chichewa
Chinese (Simplified)
Chinese (Traditional)
Corsican
Croatian
Czech
Danish
Dutch
Esperanto
Estonian
Faroese
Finnish
Galician
Georgian
German
Greek
Guarani
Haitian Creole
Hausa
Hawaiian
Hebrew
Hmong
Hungarian
Icelandic
Indonesian
Irish
Italian
Japanese
Kazakh
Kinyarwanda
Kirundi
Kongo
Korean
Krio (Sierra Leone)
Kurdish
Kyrgyz
Laothian
Latin
Latvian
Lithuanian
Luganda
Luo
Luxembourgish
Macedonian
Malagasy
Malay
Maltese
Maori
Mauritian Creole
Moldavian
Mongolian
Myanmar (Burmese)
Montenegrin
Nepali
Norwegian
Pashto
Persian
Polish
Portuguese (Brazil)
Portuguese (Portugal)
Quechua
Romanian
Romansh
Russian
Samoan
Scots Gaelic
Serbian
Sesotho
Setswana
Seychellois Creole
Shona
Sindhi
Sinhalese
Slovak
Slovenian
Somali
Spanish
Swedish
Tajik
Tigrinya
Tonga
Turkish
Turkmen
Ukrainian
Uzbek
Vietnamese
Welsh
Wolof