All language subtitles for The Big Bang Theory - 1x03 - The Fuzzy Boots Corollary (XOR)

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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:09,687 --> 00:00:12,012 Alright, just a few more feet. 2 00:00:12,168 --> 00:00:14,798 And... here we are, gentlemen, 3 00:00:15,008 --> 00:00:16,786 the Gates of Elzebob. 4 00:00:17,375 --> 00:00:18,473 Good Lord. 5 00:00:18,830 --> 00:00:21,783 Don't panic. This is what the last 97 hours have been about. 6 00:00:22,183 --> 00:00:24,375 Stay frosty. There's a horde of armed goblins 7 00:00:24,540 --> 00:00:27,595 on the other side of that gate guarding the Sword of Asaroth. 8 00:00:27,942 --> 00:00:30,961 Warriors, unsheathe your weapons. Magic wielders, raise your wands. 9 00:00:31,307 --> 00:00:32,307 Lock and load. 10 00:00:32,488 --> 00:00:33,938 Raj, blow the gates. 11 00:00:34,824 --> 00:00:36,080 Blowing the gates. 12 00:00:36,916 --> 00:00:37,916 Control, 13 00:00:38,162 --> 00:00:40,497 shift... B! 14 00:00:43,146 --> 00:00:45,286 Oh, my God, so many goblins! 15 00:00:46,293 --> 00:00:48,112 Don't just stand there, slash and move! 16 00:00:48,266 --> 00:00:49,307 Stay in formation! 17 00:00:49,432 --> 00:00:50,906 Leonard, you got one on your tail. 18 00:00:51,177 --> 00:00:53,260 My tail's prehensile-- I'll swat him off. 19 00:00:53,380 --> 00:00:54,554 I got him, Leonard. 20 00:00:54,674 --> 00:00:57,736 Tonight I spice my mead with goblin blood. 21 00:00:58,389 --> 00:01:00,229 Raj, no, it's a trap! They're flanking us! 22 00:01:00,484 --> 00:01:01,994 He's got me! 23 00:01:02,560 --> 00:01:04,592 Sheldon, he's got Raj. Use your sleep spell! 24 00:01:06,929 --> 00:01:09,727 I've got the Sword of Asaroth! 25 00:01:10,985 --> 00:01:12,533 Forget the sword, help Raj! 26 00:01:12,750 --> 00:01:16,203 There is no more Sheldon. I am the sword master! 27 00:01:16,574 --> 00:01:19,039 - Leonard, look out! - Damn it, man, we're dying here! 28 00:01:19,201 --> 00:01:20,624 Good-bye, peasants! 29 00:01:21,739 --> 00:01:23,085 The bastard teleported! 30 00:01:25,115 --> 00:01:27,265 He's selling the Sword of Asaroth on eBay. 31 00:01:28,974 --> 00:01:31,286 You betrayed us for money? Who are you? 32 00:01:31,623 --> 00:01:32,845 I'm a rogue night elf. 33 00:01:32,980 --> 00:01:34,904 Don't you people read character descriptions? 34 00:01:35,591 --> 00:01:37,975 Wait, wait! Somebody just clicked "Buy it now." 35 00:01:38,186 --> 00:01:41,141 I am the sword master! 36 00:02:04,966 --> 00:02:06,281 * sweety. 37 00:02:06,629 --> 00:02:08,849 Anybody want to log on to Second Life and go swimming? 38 00:02:08,984 --> 00:02:10,555 I just built a virtual pool. 39 00:02:11,484 --> 00:02:14,470 No. I can't look at you or your avatar right now. 40 00:02:18,799 --> 00:02:20,499 Sounds like your neighbor's home. 41 00:02:22,355 --> 00:02:23,355 Excuse me. 42 00:02:23,790 --> 00:02:25,970 Don't forget the mail you took accidentally on purpose 43 00:02:26,101 --> 00:02:27,429 as an excuse to talk to her. 44 00:02:27,610 --> 00:02:29,078 Oh, right, right, right. 45 00:02:30,135 --> 00:02:32,716 Stealing snail mail-- very old school. I like it. 46 00:02:34,402 --> 00:02:36,325 Penny, the mailman, did it again... 47 00:02:37,108 --> 00:02:38,118 Sorry. 48 00:02:38,789 --> 00:02:40,159 Hi, Leonard. This is Doug. 49 00:02:40,505 --> 00:02:42,010 Doug, this is my neighbor Leonard. 50 00:02:42,184 --> 00:02:43,206 What's up, bro? 51 00:02:45,405 --> 00:02:46,405 Not much... 52 00:02:48,770 --> 00:02:49,770 bro. 53 00:02:50,956 --> 00:02:52,003 Is everything okay? 54 00:02:52,408 --> 00:02:54,426 Yeah, no, I just... I got your mail again. Here. 55 00:02:55,187 --> 00:02:57,137 Thank you. I've got to talk to that mailman. 56 00:02:57,299 --> 00:02:59,556 Oh, no, that's probably not such a good idea. 57 00:03:00,643 --> 00:03:02,861 Civil servants have a documented propensity 58 00:03:03,001 --> 00:03:05,226 to, you know, snap, so... 59 00:03:06,507 --> 00:03:08,357 Okay. Well, thank you again. 60 00:03:08,519 --> 00:03:09,592 No problem. Bye. 61 00:03:10,983 --> 00:03:13,279 Oh, and bye... bro. 62 00:03:21,430 --> 00:03:23,080 Penny for your thoughts. 63 00:03:24,671 --> 00:03:25,751 What's the matter? 64 00:03:26,141 --> 00:03:27,141 I'm fine. 65 00:03:27,850 --> 00:03:30,504 Penny's fine. The guy she's kissing is really fine. 66 00:03:31,767 --> 00:03:34,744 Kissing, what kind of kissing? Cheeks? Lips? Chaste? French? 67 00:03:36,855 --> 00:03:38,452 What is wrong with you? 68 00:03:39,654 --> 00:03:40,964 I'm a romantic. 69 00:03:43,645 --> 00:03:45,652 Don't tell me that your hopeless infatuation 70 00:03:45,787 --> 00:03:47,354 is devolving into pointless jealousy. 71 00:03:47,669 --> 00:03:50,369 I'm not jealous. I'm just a little concerned for her. 72 00:03:50,780 --> 00:03:52,609 I didn't like the look of the guy. 73 00:03:52,771 --> 00:03:54,471 Because he looks better than you? 74 00:03:58,183 --> 00:03:59,710 He was kind of dreamy. 75 00:04:00,645 --> 00:04:02,633 At least now you can retrieve the black box 76 00:04:02,777 --> 00:04:04,446 from the twisted, smoldering wreckage 77 00:04:04,561 --> 00:04:06,206 that was once your fantasy of dating her 78 00:04:06,416 --> 00:04:08,384 and analyze the data so that you don't crash 79 00:04:08,539 --> 00:04:10,031 into Geek Mountain again. 80 00:04:11,707 --> 00:04:12,711 I disagree. 81 00:04:12,865 --> 00:04:15,661 Love is not a sprint, it's a marathon-- 82 00:04:15,953 --> 00:04:19,898 a relentless pursuit that only ends when she falls into your arms... 83 00:04:21,093 --> 00:04:22,971 or hits you with the pepper spray. 84 00:04:24,681 --> 00:04:25,819 I'm done with Penny. 85 00:04:26,495 --> 00:04:29,271 I'm going to be more realistic and go after someone my own speed. 86 00:04:29,528 --> 00:04:31,304 - Like who? - I don't know... 87 00:04:31,881 --> 00:04:32,881 Olivia Geiger. 88 00:04:33,089 --> 00:04:36,239 The dietician at the cafeteria with the limp and the lazy eye? 89 00:04:39,212 --> 00:04:40,824 I don't think you have a shot there. 90 00:04:42,528 --> 00:04:45,691 I have noticed that Leslie Winkle recently started shaving her legs. 91 00:04:45,811 --> 00:04:47,243 Now given that winter is coming, 92 00:04:47,467 --> 00:04:50,042 one can only assume she's signaling sexual availability. 93 00:04:51,134 --> 00:04:52,939 I don't know. You guys work in the same lab. 94 00:04:53,479 --> 00:04:55,640 - So? - There are pitfalls. 95 00:04:55,852 --> 00:04:57,144 Trust me, I know. 96 00:04:57,390 --> 00:05:00,066 When it comes to sexual harassment law, 97 00:05:00,586 --> 00:05:02,612 I'm a bit of a self-taught expert. 98 00:05:05,357 --> 00:05:07,495 If I were to ask Leslie Winkle out, 99 00:05:07,630 --> 00:05:10,254 it would just be for dinner. I'm not going to walk into the lab, 100 00:05:10,389 --> 00:05:12,482 ask her to strip naked and dance for me. 101 00:05:12,722 --> 00:05:14,623 Oh, then you're probably okay. 102 00:05:18,776 --> 00:05:20,521 - Hello, Leslie. - Hi, Leonard. 103 00:05:20,838 --> 00:05:22,382 I'd like to propose an experiment... 104 00:05:22,555 --> 00:05:24,176 - Goggles, Leonard. - Right. 105 00:05:26,460 --> 00:05:28,258 I would like to propose an experiment. 106 00:05:28,350 --> 00:05:29,363 Hang on. 107 00:05:29,556 --> 00:05:31,691 I'm trying to see how long it takes a 500-kilowatt 108 00:05:31,865 --> 00:05:34,234 oxygen iodine laser to heat up my Cup a' Noodles. 109 00:05:36,460 --> 00:05:39,132 I've done it. About two seconds. 2.6 for minestrone. 110 00:05:45,988 --> 00:05:47,639 Anyway, I was thinking more 111 00:05:47,759 --> 00:05:50,970 of a bio-social exploration with a neuro-chemical overlay. 112 00:05:52,968 --> 00:05:54,742 Wait, are you asking me out? 113 00:05:56,201 --> 00:05:58,789 I was going to characterize it as the modification 114 00:05:58,963 --> 00:06:00,903 of our colleague-slash-friendship paradigm 115 00:06:01,038 --> 00:06:02,845 with the addition of a date-like component, 116 00:06:03,021 --> 00:06:05,954 but we don't need to quibble over terminology. 117 00:06:07,412 --> 00:06:08,874 What sort of experiment? 118 00:06:09,119 --> 00:06:11,669 There's a generally accepted pattern in this area. 119 00:06:11,789 --> 00:06:13,957 I would pick you up, take you to a restaurant. 120 00:06:14,131 --> 00:06:16,847 Then we would see a movie, probably a romantic comedy 121 00:06:16,982 --> 00:06:19,534 featuring the talents of Hugh Grant or Sandra Bullock. 122 00:06:20,775 --> 00:06:22,333 Interesting. And would you agree 123 00:06:22,453 --> 00:06:24,929 that the primary way we would evaluate either the success 124 00:06:25,064 --> 00:06:26,472 or failure of the date would be 125 00:06:26,627 --> 00:06:29,307 based on the biochemical reaction during the good night kiss? 126 00:06:29,493 --> 00:06:31,193 Heart rate, pheromones, etc. Yes. 127 00:06:32,488 --> 00:06:34,563 Why don't we just stipulate that the date goes well 128 00:06:34,708 --> 00:06:36,091 and move to the key variable? 129 00:06:36,621 --> 00:06:38,068 - You mean kiss you now? - Yes. 130 00:06:38,437 --> 00:06:40,259 Can you define the parameters of the kiss? 131 00:06:40,350 --> 00:06:41,989 Close-mouthed but romantic. Mint? 132 00:06:42,255 --> 00:06:43,316 Thank you. 133 00:06:50,496 --> 00:06:51,788 I count down from three? 134 00:06:51,985 --> 00:06:53,950 No, I think it needs to be spontaneous. 135 00:07:01,772 --> 00:07:03,892 - What do you think? - You proposed the experiment. 136 00:07:04,065 --> 00:07:06,035 I think you should present your findings first. 137 00:07:06,610 --> 00:07:07,610 Fair enough. 138 00:07:08,561 --> 00:07:10,580 On the plus side, it was a good kiss. 139 00:07:10,773 --> 00:07:12,995 Reasonable technique, no extraneous spittle. 140 00:07:14,795 --> 00:07:16,647 On the other hand, no arousal. 141 00:07:18,095 --> 00:07:19,399 - None? - None. 142 00:07:24,382 --> 00:07:26,041 - Thank you for your time. - Thank you. 143 00:07:31,200 --> 00:07:32,200 None at all? 144 00:07:36,970 --> 00:07:38,916 Sheldon, if you were a robot, 145 00:07:39,364 --> 00:07:41,910 and I knew and you didn't... 146 00:07:44,590 --> 00:07:46,290 ...would you want me to tell you? 147 00:07:48,089 --> 00:07:49,089 That depends. 148 00:07:49,773 --> 00:07:50,680 When 149 00:07:50,931 --> 00:07:52,397 I learn that I'm a robot... 150 00:07:53,399 --> 00:07:55,249 will I be able to handle it? 151 00:07:56,604 --> 00:08:00,153 Maybe-- although the history of science fiction is not on your side. 152 00:08:01,287 --> 00:08:03,110 Okay, let me ask you this-- 153 00:08:03,614 --> 00:08:05,566 when I learn that I'm a robot, 154 00:08:05,894 --> 00:08:08,883 would I be bound by Asimov's Three Laws of Robotics? 155 00:08:10,378 --> 00:08:13,103 You might be bound by them right now. 156 00:08:16,819 --> 00:08:18,947 That's true. Have you ever harmed a human being 157 00:08:19,062 --> 00:08:21,377 or through inaction allowed a human being to come to harm? 158 00:08:21,522 --> 00:08:23,461 - Of course not. - Have you ever harmed yourself 159 00:08:23,615 --> 00:08:25,032 or allowed yourself to be harmed 160 00:08:25,148 --> 00:08:27,686 except in cases where a human being would have been endangered? 161 00:08:27,832 --> 00:08:29,723 - Well, no. - I smell robot. 162 00:08:33,804 --> 00:08:34,962 Hey, what's going on? 163 00:08:35,261 --> 00:08:37,211 Internet's been down for half an hour. 164 00:08:40,072 --> 00:08:41,606 Also, Sheldon may be a robot. 165 00:08:43,927 --> 00:08:45,418 So how'd it go with Leslie? 166 00:08:46,857 --> 00:08:49,683 Oh, we tried kissing, but the Earth didn't move. 167 00:08:51,178 --> 00:08:54,804 I mean, any more than the 383 miles that it was going to move anyway. 168 00:08:57,359 --> 00:08:59,291 Oh, I've seen that look before. 169 00:08:59,544 --> 00:09:01,570 This is just going to be two weeks of moping 170 00:09:01,761 --> 00:09:03,107 and tedious emo songs 171 00:09:03,319 --> 00:09:06,106 and calling me to come down to pet stores to look at cats. 172 00:09:08,571 --> 00:09:10,051 I don't know if I can take it. 173 00:09:11,119 --> 00:09:12,669 You could power down. 174 00:09:15,654 --> 00:09:17,950 As usual, Wolowitz has the solution. 175 00:09:19,750 --> 00:09:21,098 I happen to know a place 176 00:09:21,272 --> 00:09:24,661 where there are plenty of eligible women and Leonard could have his pick. 177 00:09:34,886 --> 00:09:36,536 Remember the Latin hips. 178 00:09:37,106 --> 00:09:39,754 Shoulders stay still, and... we sway. 179 00:09:45,220 --> 00:09:46,570 One, two, three... 180 00:09:48,126 --> 00:09:49,576 ...five, six, seven. 181 00:09:50,880 --> 00:09:53,030 I think Mrs. Tishman's got her eye on you. 182 00:09:54,328 --> 00:09:56,177 I've been there. You're in for a treat. 183 00:10:11,866 --> 00:10:12,866 Oh, good Lord. 184 00:10:23,658 --> 00:10:25,308 God, that's a good song. 185 00:10:26,369 --> 00:10:28,919 If you're compiling a mix CD for a double suicide. 186 00:10:30,171 --> 00:10:32,969 Oh, I hope that scratching post is for you. 187 00:10:34,131 --> 00:10:36,783 I know what you're thinking. I've taken your asthma into account. 188 00:10:36,983 --> 00:10:39,146 There's a feline geneticist in San Diego 189 00:10:39,301 --> 00:10:42,082 who's developed the cutest little hypoallergenic calicos. 190 00:10:42,264 --> 00:10:44,304 - Listen to me... - I've been thinking about names. 191 00:10:44,419 --> 00:10:46,580 I'm kind of torn between Einstein, Newton 192 00:10:46,753 --> 00:10:48,468 and Sergeant Fuzzy Boots. 193 00:10:49,529 --> 00:10:51,507 Do you really think you can satisfy your need 194 00:10:51,674 --> 00:10:53,719 for a relationship with a genetically altered cat? 195 00:10:54,819 --> 00:10:55,819 Maybe. 196 00:10:56,016 --> 00:10:57,977 If it's a cute, little, cuddly cat. 197 00:10:58,820 --> 00:11:00,470 Oh, come on. Leonard... 198 00:11:03,111 --> 00:11:04,751 This is obviously about Penny. 199 00:11:07,188 --> 00:11:08,439 It doesn't matter. 200 00:11:08,721 --> 00:11:11,438 The woman's not interested in me. The woman rejected me. 201 00:11:12,825 --> 00:11:13,867 Look, 202 00:11:14,855 --> 00:11:16,557 I think that you have as much of a chance 203 00:11:16,731 --> 00:11:18,554 of having a sexual relationship with Penny 204 00:11:18,708 --> 00:11:20,630 as the Hubble Telescope does of discovering 205 00:11:20,784 --> 00:11:22,251 at the center of every black hole 206 00:11:22,386 --> 00:11:25,145 is a little man with a flashlight searching for a circuit breaker. 207 00:11:28,188 --> 00:11:29,363 Nevertheless, 208 00:11:30,088 --> 00:11:32,612 I do feel obligated to point out to you 209 00:11:33,290 --> 00:11:35,115 that she did not reject you. 210 00:11:35,817 --> 00:11:37,240 You did not ask her out. 211 00:11:39,099 --> 00:11:40,099 You're right. 212 00:11:40,914 --> 00:11:42,734 I didn't ask her out. I should ask her out. 213 00:11:42,906 --> 00:11:44,765 No, no, that was not my point. 214 00:11:45,938 --> 00:11:47,751 My point was don't buy a cat. 215 00:11:48,670 --> 00:11:50,220 No, but you're right. 216 00:11:50,564 --> 00:11:52,714 I should march over there and ask her out. 217 00:11:53,579 --> 00:11:55,723 Oh, goody, we're getting a cat. 218 00:12:04,525 --> 00:12:06,669 Good afternoon, Penny. So, hi... hey. 219 00:12:09,374 --> 00:12:11,234 I was wondering if you had plans for dinner. 220 00:12:11,485 --> 00:12:12,739 You mean dinner tonight? 221 00:12:14,167 --> 00:12:16,270 There is an inherent ambiguity in the word "dinner." 222 00:12:16,712 --> 00:12:17,850 Technically it refers 223 00:12:18,004 --> 00:12:20,204 to the largest meal of the day whenever it's consumed. 224 00:12:20,338 --> 00:12:22,479 So to clarify here, by dinner I mean supper. 225 00:12:23,151 --> 00:12:24,579 - Supper? - Or dinner. 226 00:12:26,109 --> 00:12:28,500 I was thinking 6:30 if you can go. Or a different time. 227 00:12:28,816 --> 00:12:29,858 6:30's great. 228 00:12:30,270 --> 00:12:31,270 Really? 229 00:12:33,530 --> 00:12:35,696 - Great. - I like hanging out with you guys. 230 00:12:36,029 --> 00:12:37,087 Us guys? 231 00:12:37,395 --> 00:12:39,844 Yeah, you know, Sheldon, Howard, Raj. Who all's coming? 232 00:12:41,102 --> 00:12:42,125 They... 233 00:12:43,432 --> 00:12:44,802 might all be there. 234 00:12:47,002 --> 00:12:49,067 Or a subset of them might be there. 235 00:12:49,393 --> 00:12:51,837 Algebraically speaking, there are too many unknowns. 236 00:12:51,957 --> 00:12:54,034 For example, Sheldon had Quiznos for lunch. 237 00:12:54,243 --> 00:12:56,611 Sometimes he finds that filling, other times he doesn't. 238 00:12:56,889 --> 00:12:59,320 It's no fault of Quiznos-- they have a varied menu. 239 00:13:01,693 --> 00:13:03,449 Okay, whatever. It sounds like fun. 240 00:13:04,174 --> 00:13:05,174 Great. 241 00:13:05,794 --> 00:13:07,207 - Did we say a time? - 6:30. 242 00:13:07,404 --> 00:13:09,010 - And that's still good? - It's fine. 243 00:13:09,203 --> 00:13:11,537 - 'Cause it's not carved in stone. - No, 6:30's great. 244 00:13:11,983 --> 00:13:13,433 I'll get my chisel. 245 00:13:15,135 --> 00:13:16,196 Why? 246 00:13:18,580 --> 00:13:21,647 To... carve the... I'll see you at 6:30. 247 00:13:33,418 --> 00:13:34,421 How do I look? 248 00:13:39,760 --> 00:13:41,322 Could you be more specific? 249 00:13:43,264 --> 00:13:45,275 Can you tell I'm perspiring a little? 250 00:13:46,493 --> 00:13:50,707 No. The dark crescent-shaped patterns under your arms conceal it nicely. 251 00:13:53,131 --> 00:13:55,041 - What time is your date? - 6:30. 252 00:13:55,176 --> 00:13:56,392 Perfect. That gives you 253 00:13:56,536 --> 00:13:58,938 two hours and 15 minutes for that dense molecular cloud 254 00:13:59,155 --> 00:14:00,675 of Aramis to dissipate. 255 00:14:01,950 --> 00:14:02,950 Is it too much? 256 00:14:03,168 --> 00:14:04,846 Not if you're a rugby team. 257 00:14:06,882 --> 00:14:08,210 If it should ever come up, 258 00:14:08,345 --> 00:14:10,274 you didn't join us because you stuffed yourself 259 00:14:10,429 --> 00:14:12,165 with a chicken carbonara sub at Quiznos. 260 00:14:12,591 --> 00:14:13,710 Why would I join you? 261 00:14:14,826 --> 00:14:15,826 No reason. 262 00:14:18,830 --> 00:14:21,010 You know what, maybe this isn't such a good idea. 263 00:14:21,365 --> 00:14:23,757 No, well, now there's always the possibility 264 00:14:23,950 --> 00:14:26,034 that alcohol and poor judgment on her part 265 00:14:26,188 --> 00:14:28,523 might lead to a nice romantic evening. 266 00:14:30,285 --> 00:14:33,256 You're right. Alcohol, poor judgment-- it could go well. 267 00:14:33,828 --> 00:14:35,720 There is the other possibility, that... 268 00:14:35,875 --> 00:14:37,843 this date kicks off a rather unpleasant 6 months 269 00:14:37,997 --> 00:14:39,964 of the two of you passing awkwardly in the hall, 270 00:14:40,121 --> 00:14:42,550 until one of you breaks down and moves to another zip code. 271 00:14:44,060 --> 00:14:46,414 You could've stopped at "it could go well." 272 00:14:47,618 --> 00:14:49,265 If I could've, I would've. 273 00:14:49,923 --> 00:14:51,623 I mean, I'm a perfectly nice guy. 274 00:14:52,184 --> 00:14:55,193 There's no reason we couldn't go and have a lovely dinner, 275 00:14:55,564 --> 00:14:57,514 maybe take a walk afterwards, 276 00:14:57,794 --> 00:14:59,954 talk about things we have in common. 277 00:15:00,128 --> 00:15:03,088 You love pottery? I love pottery! 278 00:15:03,638 --> 00:15:04,998 There's a pause, 279 00:15:05,153 --> 00:15:07,159 we both know what's happening. I lean in, we kiss. 280 00:15:07,313 --> 00:15:09,416 It's a little tentative at first, but then I realize 281 00:15:09,619 --> 00:15:11,771 she's kissing me back. She's biting my lower lip! 282 00:15:11,887 --> 00:15:13,781 She wants me! This thing is going the distance! 283 00:15:13,929 --> 00:15:16,302 We're going to have sex! Oh, God, oh, my God! 284 00:15:18,792 --> 00:15:20,442 Is the sex starting now? 285 00:15:22,038 --> 00:15:23,466 I'm having a panic attack. 286 00:15:24,701 --> 00:15:26,301 Well then... calm down. 287 00:15:26,923 --> 00:15:28,805 If I could, I wouldn't be having a panic... 288 00:15:28,940 --> 00:15:30,738 That's why they call it a panic attack. 289 00:15:31,657 --> 00:15:33,008 Sit down. 290 00:15:33,449 --> 00:15:35,479 Yeah, sit down. Now close your eyes. 291 00:15:35,633 --> 00:15:36,981 - Why? - Just do it. 292 00:15:37,424 --> 00:15:40,337 Now try to increase your alpha wave activity. 293 00:15:40,878 --> 00:15:43,404 - What?! - It's a biofeedback technique. 294 00:15:43,623 --> 00:15:45,613 It's relaxation through brain wave manipulation. 295 00:15:45,866 --> 00:15:48,273 I read a paper about it in Journal of American Neuroscience. 296 00:15:48,393 --> 00:15:51,305 It was a little sparsely sourced, but I think the basic science is valid. 297 00:15:51,460 --> 00:15:52,952 I probably have it here somewhere. 298 00:15:53,803 --> 00:15:55,732 Who am I kidding? I can't go through with this. 299 00:15:55,887 --> 00:15:57,314 You need to call her and cancel. 300 00:15:57,469 --> 00:15:58,588 - Me? - Yes. 301 00:15:58,723 --> 00:16:01,186 - What should I tell her? - I don't know. Tell her I'm sick. 302 00:16:02,208 --> 00:16:04,765 Not an illness that will make her want to take care of me, 303 00:16:04,919 --> 00:16:07,104 but nothing so critical that she'll feel uncomfortable 304 00:16:07,260 --> 00:16:09,317 going out with me if I want to try this again. 305 00:16:09,452 --> 00:16:11,918 Got it. So I'm assuming nothing venereal? 306 00:16:16,737 --> 00:16:19,075 I'll just tell her that you had a routine colonoscopy 307 00:16:19,195 --> 00:16:20,585 and haven't quite bounced back. 308 00:16:21,590 --> 00:16:23,809 - Give me the phone. - I thought you wanted to cancel. 309 00:16:23,986 --> 00:16:26,687 I can't, because if I don't show up she'll still be expecting you. 310 00:16:27,501 --> 00:16:29,144 Why would she be expecting me? 311 00:16:30,437 --> 00:16:32,120 Stop asking me all these questions. 312 00:16:32,293 --> 00:16:34,157 I need to take another shower. 313 00:16:37,533 --> 00:16:39,346 So are the rest of the guys meeting us here? 314 00:16:39,532 --> 00:16:40,958 Oh, yeah... no. 315 00:16:42,420 --> 00:16:45,639 It turns out that Raj and Howard had to work, and Sheldon... 316 00:16:46,226 --> 00:16:49,313 had a colonoscopy and he hasn't quite bounced back yet. 317 00:16:51,511 --> 00:16:53,276 My uncle just had a colonoscopy. 318 00:16:53,533 --> 00:16:54,555 You're kidding. 319 00:16:54,729 --> 00:16:57,016 Then that's something we have in common. 320 00:16:58,156 --> 00:16:59,156 How? 321 00:16:59,961 --> 00:17:02,543 We both have people in our lives who... 322 00:17:02,859 --> 00:17:05,800 want to nip intestinal polyps in the bud. 323 00:17:12,293 --> 00:17:14,243 So what's new in the world of physics? 324 00:17:15,535 --> 00:17:16,535 Nothing. 325 00:17:18,133 --> 00:17:19,328 Really? Nothing? 326 00:17:19,645 --> 00:17:22,356 Well, with the exception of string theory, 327 00:17:22,530 --> 00:17:25,019 not much has happened since the 1930s. 328 00:17:25,288 --> 00:17:26,881 And you can't prove string theory. 329 00:17:27,057 --> 00:17:28,298 At best you can say, 330 00:17:28,549 --> 00:17:32,090 "Hey, look, my idea has an internal logical consistency." 331 00:17:35,205 --> 00:17:37,263 Well, I'm sure things will pick up. 332 00:17:41,580 --> 00:17:43,398 What's new at the Cheesecake Factory? 333 00:17:45,052 --> 00:17:46,190 Not much. 334 00:17:46,423 --> 00:17:49,596 We do have a chocolate key lime that's moving pretty well. 335 00:17:51,032 --> 00:17:52,032 Good. 336 00:17:52,882 --> 00:17:53,882 Good. 337 00:17:57,337 --> 00:17:58,887 What about your... 338 00:17:59,941 --> 00:18:01,155 hallway friend? 339 00:18:01,667 --> 00:18:03,977 Doug? Oh, yeah, I don't know. 340 00:18:04,131 --> 00:18:06,283 I mean, you know, he's nice and funny, but... 341 00:18:06,514 --> 00:18:08,270 Can I get you started with some drinks? 342 00:18:09,834 --> 00:18:11,718 - You were saying? But... - I'd like a drink. 343 00:18:11,978 --> 00:18:15,241 Just say the "but" thing about Doug and then I'll get her back. 344 00:18:17,346 --> 00:18:18,769 I don't know, it's just me. 345 00:18:18,945 --> 00:18:21,195 I'm still getting over this breakup with Kurt 346 00:18:21,350 --> 00:18:23,877 and this thing with Doug would just be rebound sex. 347 00:18:25,477 --> 00:18:27,638 Don't get me started on rebound sex. 348 00:18:29,279 --> 00:18:30,868 It's just... it's my pattern. 349 00:18:30,988 --> 00:18:33,257 I break up, then I find some cute guy, 350 00:18:33,411 --> 00:18:36,436 and then it's just 36 meaningless hours of... 351 00:18:37,167 --> 00:18:38,208 you know. 352 00:18:40,408 --> 00:18:41,622 I'm not sure that I do. 353 00:18:43,411 --> 00:18:46,468 Is that one 36-hour experience, 354 00:18:46,614 --> 00:18:48,949 or is that 36 hours spread out over, say... 355 00:18:49,122 --> 00:18:51,005 one glorious summer? 356 00:18:51,844 --> 00:18:53,297 No, it's usually over a weekend, 357 00:18:53,452 --> 00:18:55,960 and trust me, you do not feel good after it. 358 00:18:56,582 --> 00:18:58,319 Well, chafing, right? 359 00:19:00,032 --> 00:19:01,032 Emotionally. 360 00:19:01,284 --> 00:19:03,399 Of course, yeah, emotional chafing. 361 00:19:11,175 --> 00:19:12,661 Do you want to see something cool? 362 00:19:14,785 --> 00:19:17,160 I can make this olive go into this glass 363 00:19:17,403 --> 00:19:18,734 without touching it. 364 00:19:19,419 --> 00:19:21,251 - How? - Physics. 365 00:19:27,746 --> 00:19:29,155 Centrifugal force. 366 00:19:29,528 --> 00:19:31,612 Actually, it's centripetal force, 367 00:19:31,814 --> 00:19:34,299 which is an inward force generated by the glass 368 00:19:34,472 --> 00:19:35,988 acting on the olive... 369 00:19:37,207 --> 00:19:38,307 Excuse me. 370 00:19:38,627 --> 00:19:41,463 If you were riding on the olive, 371 00:19:41,816 --> 00:19:43,822 you'd be in a non-inertial reference frame 372 00:19:44,092 --> 00:19:45,250 and would... 373 00:19:46,906 --> 00:19:48,883 - Are you okay? - Yeah, I'm okay. 374 00:19:50,710 --> 00:19:52,180 Did you spill ketchup? 375 00:19:52,380 --> 00:19:53,788 - No. - I'm not okay. 376 00:19:56,867 --> 00:19:58,950 You sure you don't want to go to the emergency room? 377 00:19:59,085 --> 00:20:01,227 No, I'm okay. It stopped bleeding. 378 00:20:01,782 --> 00:20:04,804 I know, but you did throw up. Isn't that a sign of a concussion? 379 00:20:04,997 --> 00:20:07,019 Yes. But I get car sick, too, so... 380 00:20:09,607 --> 00:20:11,267 Sorry about your car, by the way. 381 00:20:12,105 --> 00:20:14,517 It's fine. You got most of it out the window. 382 00:20:15,859 --> 00:20:17,260 The poor guy on the bike. 383 00:20:20,318 --> 00:20:21,584 I had a nice time. 384 00:20:21,876 --> 00:20:23,130 Yeah, me, too. 385 00:20:24,450 --> 00:20:25,627 Well, um, good night. 386 00:20:26,522 --> 00:20:27,583 Good night. 387 00:20:31,264 --> 00:20:33,234 Was this supposed to be a date? 388 00:20:34,272 --> 00:20:35,323 This? 389 00:20:36,576 --> 00:20:37,576 No. 390 00:20:40,223 --> 00:20:42,287 Of course not. This was just you and me 391 00:20:42,461 --> 00:20:44,535 hanging out with a bunch of guys who didn't show up 392 00:20:44,699 --> 00:20:46,826 'cause of work and a colonoscopy. 393 00:20:48,850 --> 00:20:50,181 Okay, I was just checking. 394 00:20:51,600 --> 00:20:53,475 When I take a girl on a date-- 395 00:20:53,797 --> 00:20:54,797 and I do-- 396 00:20:57,086 --> 00:20:58,996 she knows she's been dated. 397 00:21:00,910 --> 00:21:02,085 Capital D. 398 00:21:03,520 --> 00:21:06,665 Boldface. Underlined. Da...ted. 399 00:21:08,812 --> 00:21:10,555 I think I might have a little concussion. 400 00:21:10,675 --> 00:21:13,035 I'm gonna go lie down for a while. Good night. 401 00:21:16,986 --> 00:21:18,591 So, how was your date? 402 00:21:19,241 --> 00:21:20,241 Awesome! 403 00:21:24,543 --> 00:21:26,892 Score 1 for liquor and poor jugement. 30070

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