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WWW.MY-SUBS.CO
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Previously on "Reginald the Vampire... "
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That woman is insane.
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That woman is a stone-cold killer.
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Surprise.
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Here's your target, Reginald Andres.
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He's a vampire?
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Visualize, believe, achieve.
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- Why are you helping me?
- I want you to live.
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- Hey, Reggie.
- Hi, Maurice.
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I needed some time to clear my head.
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- I'm sorry too.
- Is that what I think it is?
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Don't touch anything.
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What in the world are you
doing with herb of the cross?
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- Ooh!
- Feeding on Todd stops now.
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- What am I supposed to do?
- You hunt.
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- That's my jam.
- I know.
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Next up, we have Reginald and Sarah.
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[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]
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[TENSE MUSIC]
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♪ ♪
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I turn my back for one second...
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one second, and there
he is in the shit again.
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Huh? How does it keep happening?
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And I'm the idiot who has to
clean it up every goddamn time.
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Look, I-I'm very sympathetic
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when you clean up my mess and all,
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but I'm a little lost here.
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Reggie, do you have any idea the level
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of clusterfuck you
just found yourself in?
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What, you mean the weird vampire lady?
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No, no, I'm talking
about the timeless power
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of a Bonnie Tyler classic.
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Of course I'm talking about
the weird vampire lady.
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That's Nikki, the vampire assassin...
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the world's deadliest.
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Okay, that woman,
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she takes care of Angela's problems.
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Reginald, that problem is you.
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Wait, wait, wait.
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Did you not see her singing?
She's a big softie.
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No, that woman is chaos incarnate.
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She is a hurricane with feet.
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She'll enter your life
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and obliterate everything
and everyone in it.
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Sarah.
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Sarah!
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I know it sucks right now,
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but you're gonna get
over whatever this is.
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- Hey, we should go now.
- Your voice
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is the voice of an angel.
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Wait, are you talking about Reginald?
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Let's just leave the sad lady alone.
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But I think she's talking about you.
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- Well, that makes no sense at all.
- None, but...
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Hey, it was really nice to meet you
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and good luck with whatever
future endeavors you may have,
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- but we got to go.
- But... okay.
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- Yeah. We should go.
- But should we...
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The voice of an angel that made us.
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[CHUCKLES SOFTLY]
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[SOFT STRING MELODY]
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♪ ♪
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[INDISTINCT CHATTER]
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Haemolacria.
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It's a condition where you cry blood
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like you do.
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- You.
- Yes.
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Me, Ashley.
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I was hoping I'd run into you again.
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Obviously, this isn't what I pictured,
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the running into... not...
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not that I pictured anything.
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It just looked like you could
maybe use a friend right now.
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Is there any way you could
stop this incessant pounding?
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I-I think that's your heart
and you want it to do that.
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But I-I can't... I can't breathe.
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I feel like it's trying
to bust out of my chest.
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Mm, mm, mm.
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Textbook panic attack.
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I've seen a lot of panic.
This feels different.
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Denial will only make it worse.
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What you want to do is you
want to put your head down
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between your knees like so,
and you just let it hang loose,
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and, uh, take some deep
breaths in through your nose...
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- [WHOOSHING]
- And out through your mouth.
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In and out.
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In and out.
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How does that fee...
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Whoa, whoa, whoa, what's your hurry?
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Let's enjoy the night while it lasts.
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You know, I feel like the night would be
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much better enjoyed inside where we can
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lock doors and hopefully
windows as well.
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Well, I feel completely safe with you.
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Really?
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[CHUCKLES]
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We emerged from a crazy
food fight unscathed
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and a karaoke superfan unmurdered.
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I'm not sure what it is about our dates,
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but crazy sure seems to
follow us wherever we go.
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Oh, no, that's so true, isn't it?
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Oh, but they're
unforgettable and ridiculous,
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and I wouldn't change a thing.
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There is one thing I would change.
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[DRAMATIC ELECTROACOUSTIC MUSIC]
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♪ ♪
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I should've done that so much sooner.
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- [LAUGHS]
- [SIGHS]
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Your timing feels perfect to me.
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I promise you, our next date
is gonna be so, so normal.
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- [CHUCKLES]
- It'll be boring.
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Oh, well, it would have to be boring
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in order for us to course correct.
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Maybe we file taxes.
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We could sit at a bus stop
and not get on the bus.
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Ooh, how late is the DMV open?
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Oh, clog dancing.
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Oh, yeah, that sounds awful.
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- Nice.
- Yeah.
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Maybe we could do, like,
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some Russian language class or...
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Oh, we could do our taxes.
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- Ooh.
- Yeah.
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- [LAUGHING]
- Ooh, ooh, ooh.
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My grandma is making some pie...
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[SCOFFS]
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[SIGHS]
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[GROANS]
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Can we raincheck this please?
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I need a palate cleanser after that.
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You're welcome to join if you'd like.
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[SIGHS]
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I don't know who's more delusional,
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the unhinged assassin
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or the woman who thinks
she can control her.
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Ooh, hypocrisy is crisp tonight.
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Yeah, I wonder what the Council
will think of your illegal maneuver,
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which, from the looks
of it, failed miserably.
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And now, Nikki's loose in Akron.
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Did Reginald really deserve that?
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Hate to break it to you, Maurice,
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but you're little pet
project is the real threat.
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When he fails The Assessment,
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you die,
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along with any human
who knows his secret.
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And I wonder if he told
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that pretty little girlfriend of his.
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No, she doesn't know anything.
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You sure?
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[TENSE MUSIC]
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If I kill Reginald now,
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you don't have to
worry about any of that.
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I'd kind of be doing you a favor.
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Keep your claws off of Reginald.
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♪ ♪
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[HUMMING]
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Whoa!
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[GAGGING]
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You sing like an angel.
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Do you know them? Do they speak to you?
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[STRANGLED] Who?
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- [PANTING]
- The angels.
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Yes, they're terrifying in their glory,
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and yes, they shaped us like clay,
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but I've never heard them until
I heard the sound of your voice.
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I think you might be
overestimating my singing ability.
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Well, if that's the case,
I'm afraid I have to kill you.
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- A job's a job and so forth.
- Whoa, whoa, whoa, wait.
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You said the angels? I know the angels.
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I talk to them all the time. They're...
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they're the ones who taught me to sing.
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Two angels in particular,
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Eric B and Rakim.
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Good guys as angels go.
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I knew it.
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I came to the city made
of rubber to kill you.
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Well, that's a terrible idea.
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I'm having second thoughts.
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I'm also very much on board with that.
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- Close your eyes.
- Why?
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Because I've never, ever, never
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said something like this
before and it embarrasses me,
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which is another emotion
I'm not familiar with.
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What a night I'm having.
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Okay.
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[WHIMPERS]
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I've never been in love before,
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and love is scarier than me.
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Oh, my God.
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Oh, my God.
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[SUSPENSEFUL MUSIC]
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♪ ♪
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Oh, my God.
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00:09:04,895 --> 00:09:07,463
- Maurice, hey.
- Oh, hey.
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00:09:07,550 --> 00:09:09,726
Hey, you live around here?
196
00:09:09,813 --> 00:09:11,859
- I'm not too far.
- Oh.
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00:09:11,946 --> 00:09:14,905
I was still wired so I
thought I'd get some fresh air.
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That was, uh, quite
the performance tonight.
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00:09:18,256 --> 00:09:20,302
I've never seen Reggie so happy.
200
00:09:20,389 --> 00:09:21,390
- Really?
- Yeah.
201
00:09:21,477 --> 00:09:22,609
But that's no surprise,
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00:09:22,696 --> 00:09:24,436
Reginald is crazy about you.
203
00:09:24,524 --> 00:09:26,395
He talks about you nonstop.
204
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I probably shouldn't...
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00:09:29,311 --> 00:09:30,834
[LAUGHTER]
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00:09:30,921 --> 00:09:32,401
It just feels like I know you
207
00:09:32,488 --> 00:09:35,578
because he's talked about you so much.
208
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We kissed.
209
00:09:37,101 --> 00:09:38,799
- You and Reginald?
- Yeah.
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00:09:38,886 --> 00:09:40,365
- Reginald Andres?
- Uh-huh.
211
00:09:40,452 --> 00:09:43,760
That Reginald? What?
212
00:09:43,847 --> 00:09:45,283
How was it?
213
00:09:45,370 --> 00:09:47,764
How do you feel about tea? [CHUCKLES]
214
00:09:51,507 --> 00:09:53,074
- Thanks.
- Welcome.
215
00:09:57,600 --> 00:10:01,648
So you and Reginald have
spent a lot of time together.
216
00:10:01,735 --> 00:10:04,128
Mm, at the delightful microcosm
217
00:10:04,215 --> 00:10:06,435
that is the Slushy Shack, yes.
218
00:10:06,522 --> 00:10:10,439
He has single-handedly
preserved my sanity.
219
00:10:10,526 --> 00:10:12,920
Time just flies by when we're together.
220
00:10:13,007 --> 00:10:14,791
We can talk about absolutely nothing
221
00:10:14,878 --> 00:10:17,141
and absolutely everything
at the same time.
222
00:10:17,228 --> 00:10:19,927
That's great you have someone
you can be an open book with.
223
00:10:20,014 --> 00:10:21,319
Yeah.
224
00:10:25,106 --> 00:10:29,763
But sometimes I feel
like it's a bit one-sided.
225
00:10:29,850 --> 00:10:32,330
How's that?
226
00:10:32,417 --> 00:10:34,768
I suppose we all have walls up,
227
00:10:34,855 --> 00:10:38,336
but Reginald has one giant wall.
228
00:10:38,423 --> 00:10:40,687
It's like there's something
in the way of him being
229
00:10:40,774 --> 00:10:41,992
completely honest with me.
230
00:10:42,079 --> 00:10:44,647
I don't know what.
231
00:10:44,734 --> 00:10:46,562
I don't know, maybe it's me.
232
00:10:46,649 --> 00:10:47,998
Maybe I'm just overthinking it.
233
00:10:48,085 --> 00:10:49,391
Yeah, you got it bad.
234
00:10:49,478 --> 00:10:52,089
- [LAUGHS]
- Oh, I suppose I do.
235
00:10:52,176 --> 00:10:55,179
Look, Reginald has a lot
on his plate right now,
236
00:10:55,266 --> 00:10:56,746
and I'm sure he'll tell you all about it
237
00:10:56,833 --> 00:10:58,966
once he's on the other side.
238
00:10:59,053 --> 00:11:01,882
Until then, we just
gotta take it easy on him.
239
00:11:01,969 --> 00:11:03,710
He's got it bad too, you know.
240
00:11:03,797 --> 00:11:07,017
[CHUCKLES] Take care of him.
241
00:11:07,104 --> 00:11:08,236
You too.
242
00:11:10,368 --> 00:11:11,848
[SOFT GUITAR MUSIC]
243
00:11:11,935 --> 00:11:13,720
Mm.
244
00:11:13,807 --> 00:11:15,460
Good night, Sarah.
Thank you for the tea.
245
00:11:15,547 --> 00:11:16,984
Night. [CHUCKLES]
246
00:11:17,071 --> 00:11:23,071
♪ ♪
247
00:11:33,217 --> 00:11:35,567
"Upon receipt of the deposit,
248
00:11:35,655 --> 00:11:38,875
there are no refunds
and no cancellations."
249
00:11:38,962 --> 00:11:42,270
No refunds. That is your policy.
250
00:11:42,357 --> 00:11:45,403
So I can only assume that
that wire transfer you sent me
251
00:11:45,490 --> 00:11:47,405
was, I don't know, a gift?
252
00:11:47,492 --> 00:11:49,146
It's a refund,
253
00:11:49,233 --> 00:11:51,453
but since this job was off the books,
254
00:11:51,540 --> 00:11:53,629
I'm sure you can give
me a little wiggle room.
255
00:11:53,716 --> 00:11:55,631
It's been a pleasure not
doing business with you.
256
00:11:55,718 --> 00:11:57,938
Nikki.
257
00:11:58,025 --> 00:12:01,202
I am giving you the
chance to finish the job
258
00:12:01,289 --> 00:12:04,858
as contracted and
salvage your reputation.
259
00:12:04,945 --> 00:12:06,598
No can do. I'm on sabbatical.
260
00:12:06,686 --> 00:12:09,123
What happened to you?
261
00:12:09,210 --> 00:12:10,864
I know I hired crazy,
262
00:12:10,951 --> 00:12:13,693
but I didn't know I hired batshit crazy.
263
00:12:13,780 --> 00:12:15,695
I-I don't know.
264
00:12:15,782 --> 00:12:17,261
I'm... I'm still figuring it out.
265
00:12:17,348 --> 00:12:18,828
Well, then do the job
and then figure it out.
266
00:12:20,961 --> 00:12:22,963
When my heart cracked open,
267
00:12:23,050 --> 00:12:25,661
I heard it crack.
268
00:12:25,748 --> 00:12:26,749
Hearts don't crack.
269
00:12:26,836 --> 00:12:29,578
- Mine did.
- Okay.
270
00:12:29,665 --> 00:12:31,319
I know I'm gonna regret asking you this,
271
00:12:31,406 --> 00:12:36,019
but why did your heart crack open?
272
00:12:39,283 --> 00:12:42,069
Have you ever seen something so amazing
273
00:12:42,156 --> 00:12:44,332
it makes your whole
world go topsy-turvy?
274
00:12:47,030 --> 00:12:48,815
Like, hey, here's an example.
275
00:12:48,902 --> 00:12:51,687
The golden-voice wonder
you were hired to kill.
276
00:12:51,774 --> 00:12:54,255
No, no.
277
00:12:54,342 --> 00:12:59,651
Mm. Please tell me you
are not talking about...
278
00:12:59,739 --> 00:13:02,219
R-Reginald.
279
00:13:02,306 --> 00:13:05,570
I've never felt like this before.
280
00:13:05,657 --> 00:13:07,659
He is everything in the world to me.
281
00:13:07,747 --> 00:13:10,097
He is the night.
282
00:13:10,184 --> 00:13:12,795
He is the first taste of blood.
283
00:13:12,882 --> 00:13:15,015
He's a song.
284
00:13:15,102 --> 00:13:16,451
Thanks, Angela.
285
00:13:16,538 --> 00:13:17,931
I never would've met
him if it wasn't for you.
286
00:13:18,018 --> 00:13:19,367
So for that, I owe you...
287
00:13:19,454 --> 00:13:20,890
Don't!
288
00:13:20,977 --> 00:13:23,980
Just...
289
00:13:24,067 --> 00:13:25,373
- go away.
- Okay.
290
00:13:26,940 --> 00:13:30,073
[OMINOUS MUSIC]
291
00:13:30,160 --> 00:13:35,122
Oh, Reginald... Andres.
292
00:13:35,209 --> 00:13:36,950
♪ ♪
293
00:13:39,909 --> 00:13:42,042
Been here, done this.
294
00:13:42,129 --> 00:13:43,434
The Assessment is on the books, Reggie.
295
00:13:43,521 --> 00:13:45,306
- Couple months out.
- Awesome.
296
00:13:45,393 --> 00:13:47,438
Plenty of time. I can't wait.
297
00:13:47,525 --> 00:13:49,701
Look, it's all about centering yourself.
298
00:13:49,789 --> 00:13:51,442
Clearing your mind and
trusting your instincts.
299
00:13:51,529 --> 00:13:53,009
You're a vampire now
300
00:13:53,096 --> 00:13:55,838
and with that comes an
innate primal intelligence.
301
00:13:55,925 --> 00:13:57,492
Okay?
302
00:13:57,579 --> 00:14:00,147
When faced with an obstacle, your body,
303
00:14:00,234 --> 00:14:02,497
if you trust it, will
know exactly what to do,
304
00:14:02,584 --> 00:14:03,890
even if you've never done it before.
305
00:14:03,977 --> 00:14:06,283
Visualize, believe, achieve.
306
00:14:06,370 --> 00:14:07,763
Mike was very emphatic about that.
307
00:14:07,850 --> 00:14:09,634
- Where is he?
- Um,
308
00:14:09,721 --> 00:14:12,202
Mike had to...
309
00:14:12,289 --> 00:14:14,422
Mike's nesting somewhere else.
310
00:14:14,509 --> 00:14:16,903
Nesting sounds nice.
Sounds really fun actually.
311
00:14:16,990 --> 00:14:17,990
Like having a bunch of friends over
312
00:14:18,034 --> 00:14:20,254
who share similar interests.
313
00:14:20,341 --> 00:14:22,386
- Blood.
- Sure, that,
314
00:14:22,473 --> 00:14:25,128
or in my recent
experience with vampires,
315
00:14:25,215 --> 00:14:28,566
they're very keen on karaoke.
316
00:14:28,653 --> 00:14:31,656
No, stay away from
Nikki. She's a killer.
317
00:14:31,743 --> 00:14:34,442
Understood, but maybe
there's more to her than that.
318
00:14:34,529 --> 00:14:37,227
Everybody has a secret self
just waiting to be revealed.
319
00:14:37,314 --> 00:14:39,273
No, Nikki's secret self is soaked
320
00:14:39,360 --> 00:14:41,101
in the blood of everyone she's killed.
321
00:14:41,188 --> 00:14:44,147
Okay, and that's enough
blood to source the Nile.
322
00:14:44,234 --> 00:14:46,889
Okay, that's vivid
and pretty convincing.
323
00:14:46,976 --> 00:14:48,935
Yeah.
324
00:14:49,022 --> 00:14:50,153
What about Sarah?
325
00:14:50,240 --> 00:14:53,504
Sarah is my undead life goal.
326
00:14:53,591 --> 00:14:57,508
Very first vampire girlfriend.
327
00:14:57,595 --> 00:15:00,337
Yeah. You know, believe it or not,
328
00:15:00,424 --> 00:15:02,078
I think I'm starting to see
the value in the two of you.
329
00:15:02,165 --> 00:15:04,254
You do? Me and Sarah?
330
00:15:04,341 --> 00:15:05,342
Yeah, you and Sarah.
331
00:15:05,429 --> 00:15:08,128
[LAUGHTER]
332
00:15:08,215 --> 00:15:09,346
[EXHALES] Okay.
333
00:15:09,433 --> 00:15:11,609
[CLEARS THROAT] I think I'm ready.
334
00:15:13,307 --> 00:15:14,874
Fully centered.
335
00:15:14,961 --> 00:15:17,615
Visualizing, believing, achieving.
336
00:15:17,702 --> 00:15:18,703
This is my moment.
337
00:15:18,790 --> 00:15:20,009
That's the spirit.
338
00:15:20,096 --> 00:15:21,097
Go for it. Break that thing.
339
00:15:21,184 --> 00:15:22,490
All right.
340
00:15:22,577 --> 00:15:25,449
[PLAYFUL MUSIC]
341
00:15:25,536 --> 00:15:31,536
♪ ♪
342
00:15:36,069 --> 00:15:38,854
This hammer is my big-ass brain.
343
00:15:38,941 --> 00:15:42,031
This broken piece of
cinderblock is The Assessment.
344
00:15:42,118 --> 00:15:43,728
Are there any questions?
345
00:15:51,736 --> 00:15:53,608
There's something different about you.
346
00:15:53,695 --> 00:15:54,826
Me?
347
00:15:54,914 --> 00:15:58,178
You're, like, glowing.
348
00:15:58,265 --> 00:15:59,483
No, I'm not.
349
00:15:59,570 --> 00:16:01,877
Oh, my God, you and Reginald had sex.
350
00:16:01,964 --> 00:16:03,792
No, we just kissed.
351
00:16:03,879 --> 00:16:09,015
Jeez, what happens to
you when you have sex?
352
00:16:09,102 --> 00:16:12,061
What can I say? It
was a pretty good kiss.
353
00:16:12,148 --> 00:16:14,846
Hey, this is an interesting development.
354
00:16:14,934 --> 00:16:16,936
What's next on the carnal to-do list?
355
00:16:17,023 --> 00:16:18,328
Good question.
356
00:16:18,415 --> 00:16:21,201
I guess only time will tell.
357
00:16:21,288 --> 00:16:22,506
You're not actually waiting for Reginald
358
00:16:22,593 --> 00:16:24,160
to make the next more, are you?
359
00:16:24,247 --> 00:16:25,379
This is Reginald we're talking here.
360
00:16:25,466 --> 00:16:27,207
Reginald has no game.
361
00:16:27,294 --> 00:16:31,428
If you want to get with him,
you better take the lead.
362
00:16:31,515 --> 00:16:32,908
Never thought about that.
363
00:16:32,995 --> 00:16:34,475
Take bonobos, for example.
364
00:16:34,562 --> 00:16:35,867
Bono-what?
365
00:16:35,955 --> 00:16:39,871
They're a super sex positive primate.
366
00:16:39,959 --> 00:16:41,482
The females call all the shots.
367
00:16:41,569 --> 00:16:43,179
They decide when, where, who.
368
00:16:43,266 --> 00:16:44,789
One could argue that
bonobos are actually
369
00:16:44,876 --> 00:16:48,358
the most evolved primate on the planet.
370
00:16:48,445 --> 00:16:51,753
So you want me to take
dating advice from a monkey?
371
00:16:51,840 --> 00:16:53,146
A very satisfied monkey.
372
00:16:54,756 --> 00:16:56,323
[BELL RINGS]
373
00:17:02,677 --> 00:17:05,201
[EERIE MUSIC]
374
00:17:05,288 --> 00:17:08,161
Welcome to the Slushy
Shack. How may I help you?
375
00:17:08,248 --> 00:17:09,901
I'm here to kill my romantic rival.
376
00:17:09,989 --> 00:17:12,948
[LAUGHS]
377
00:17:13,035 --> 00:17:15,907
[UPBEAT MUSIC PLAYING]
378
00:17:20,738 --> 00:17:23,567
[SUSPENSEFUL MUSIC]
379
00:17:23,654 --> 00:17:26,092
♪ ♪
380
00:17:26,179 --> 00:17:28,224
Hey, can you watch the
till? Thanks. Bye now.
381
00:17:28,311 --> 00:17:29,660
Sure.
382
00:17:29,747 --> 00:17:31,749
Isn't that sad karaoke lady?
383
00:17:37,799 --> 00:17:39,322
I'm glad you're no longer crying blood.
384
00:17:39,409 --> 00:17:41,020
The homicidal ideation
isn't much of an improvement.
385
00:17:41,107 --> 00:17:42,934
It's nothing personal.
If I want something,
386
00:17:43,022 --> 00:17:45,241
I simply eliminate
obstacles standing in my way.
387
00:17:45,328 --> 00:17:48,027
That is very goal-oriented,
388
00:17:48,114 --> 00:17:51,552
but that doesn't really
apply to romantic interests.
389
00:17:51,639 --> 00:17:55,991
Well, I have to do something.
I can't stop thinking about him.
390
00:17:56,078 --> 00:17:58,124
- Who him?
- Reginald, of course.
391
00:18:00,082 --> 00:18:02,215
- Reginald Andres?
- Mm.
392
00:18:04,043 --> 00:18:07,611
Your romantic rival is the
nice lady serving slushies
393
00:18:07,698 --> 00:18:08,917
to thirsty customers out front?
394
00:18:09,004 --> 00:18:10,658
She is deader than dirt.
395
00:18:14,531 --> 00:18:17,839
Your eyeballs wobble the
tiniest fraction when you think.
396
00:18:17,926 --> 00:18:19,449
- They do?
- Mm-hmm.
397
00:18:19,536 --> 00:18:21,756
Nobody's ever noticed that before.
398
00:18:21,843 --> 00:18:25,107
[TENSE MUSIC]
399
00:18:25,194 --> 00:18:27,501
Falling in love is like...
400
00:18:29,242 --> 00:18:31,983
Being in a jumbo pot of love soup.
401
00:18:32,071 --> 00:18:34,334
Love and all its by-products,
402
00:18:34,421 --> 00:18:37,250
fear, anxiety...
403
00:18:39,078 --> 00:18:40,949
Obsession.
404
00:18:41,036 --> 00:18:43,299
Giving a heart to your one, true love.
405
00:18:43,386 --> 00:18:45,171
If you try to act on all those emotions,
406
00:18:45,258 --> 00:18:47,782
including killing your romantic rival,
407
00:18:47,869 --> 00:18:49,871
all at once,
408
00:18:49,958 --> 00:18:52,134
you're gonna end up alone and in jail.
409
00:18:52,221 --> 00:18:53,962
As if any jail could hold me.
410
00:18:54,049 --> 00:18:55,616
Not the point.
411
00:19:01,056 --> 00:19:02,797
All right.
412
00:19:02,884 --> 00:19:04,538
I'm impressed by your superior knowledge
413
00:19:04,625 --> 00:19:06,366
on the subject of romance.
414
00:19:08,194 --> 00:19:09,543
What do I do now?
415
00:19:09,630 --> 00:19:14,461
Uh, I'm thinking...
416
00:19:14,548 --> 00:19:16,463
let him take the lead.
417
00:19:16,550 --> 00:19:19,335
Reginald has game, so go slow.
418
00:19:19,422 --> 00:19:22,121
One year, maybe five.
419
00:19:22,208 --> 00:19:23,774
Time's a fungible concept anyways.
420
00:19:23,861 --> 00:19:25,515
Time is usually not a problem for me,
421
00:19:25,602 --> 00:19:28,736
but in this case, I
don't think I can wait.
422
00:19:28,823 --> 00:19:30,912
I'm thinking...
423
00:19:33,523 --> 00:19:34,872
Today.
424
00:19:34,959 --> 00:19:37,614
- Sure.
- Mm-hmm.
425
00:19:37,701 --> 00:19:39,747
That's one way to go, but
is that really the best...
426
00:19:39,834 --> 00:19:40,878
I'm gonna give Reginald my heart
427
00:19:40,965 --> 00:19:42,141
just like you told me to.
428
00:19:42,228 --> 00:19:44,186
[SQUEALS]
429
00:19:44,273 --> 00:19:47,146
[SUSPENSEFUL MUSIC]
430
00:19:47,233 --> 00:19:50,192
♪ ♪
431
00:19:50,279 --> 00:19:52,455
[SIGHS] Thanks for all your advice.
432
00:19:52,542 --> 00:19:54,240
You're really good at this friend stuff.
433
00:19:56,285 --> 00:19:58,113
I tried. I really did.
434
00:19:58,200 --> 00:20:00,594
What an odd lady.
435
00:20:00,681 --> 00:20:02,900
Hey, I've been thinking
about what you said.
436
00:20:02,987 --> 00:20:04,772
Isn't that just splendid.
437
00:20:04,859 --> 00:20:06,426
I'm gonna be like the bonobos.
438
00:20:06,513 --> 00:20:08,036
I'm gonna call the shots.
439
00:20:08,123 --> 00:20:09,820
Thanks for your advice.
I really appreciate it.
440
00:20:09,907 --> 00:20:11,518
Reginald's not gonna know what hit him.
441
00:20:11,605 --> 00:20:14,608
[NERVOUS LAUGHING] He sure won't.
442
00:20:14,695 --> 00:20:16,784
[GROANS]
443
00:20:16,871 --> 00:20:18,916
Whoa, whoa, not today.
444
00:20:19,003 --> 00:20:22,398
Not today, not today, not today.
445
00:20:22,485 --> 00:20:24,487
Relax, you rotund imbecile.
446
00:20:24,574 --> 00:20:26,228
I'm here on business.
447
00:20:26,315 --> 00:20:28,796
Wh-what kind of business?
448
00:20:28,883 --> 00:20:31,625
Logan the Punctilious,
deacon of the Vampire Council,
449
00:20:31,712 --> 00:20:33,714
has asked me to
reschedule your Assessment
450
00:20:33,801 --> 00:20:35,629
to accommodate his busy schedule.
451
00:20:35,716 --> 00:20:37,805
I brought a pen.
452
00:20:37,892 --> 00:20:40,808
Okay, well... [GRUNTS]
453
00:20:40,895 --> 00:20:44,290
He has to travel all the
way from Buenos Aires.
454
00:20:49,077 --> 00:20:51,688
I suppose I could use
more time to train.
455
00:20:51,775 --> 00:20:53,995
True, but we're moving
The Assessment up,
456
00:20:54,082 --> 00:20:55,736
not back.
457
00:20:55,823 --> 00:20:57,259
How does a month sound, give or take?
458
00:20:57,346 --> 00:20:58,956
A month?
459
00:20:59,043 --> 00:21:01,002
That's not enough time for anything.
460
00:21:01,089 --> 00:21:03,396
Well, I'm happy to take your
complaints to the Council,
461
00:21:03,483 --> 00:21:05,441
but you could lose
more time as a result.
462
00:21:05,528 --> 00:21:07,182
Oh, no, no, I'm fine
with the rescheduling.
463
00:21:07,269 --> 00:21:09,880
Hmm, can't be easy being you.
464
00:21:09,967 --> 00:21:11,795
I mean, now that you mention it, I...
465
00:21:11,882 --> 00:21:13,101
wait, what?
466
00:21:13,188 --> 00:21:16,365
On the plus size, you're unique.
467
00:21:16,452 --> 00:21:18,237
Plus size. Funny.
468
00:21:18,324 --> 00:21:22,023
On the minus, everyone wants you dead.
469
00:21:22,110 --> 00:21:24,199
Into every life must come a little rain.
470
00:21:24,286 --> 00:21:27,115
Wait, everybody?
471
00:21:27,202 --> 00:21:28,856
That seems a bit
exaggerated, don't you think?
472
00:21:28,943 --> 00:21:30,727
- Not everybody wants me dead.
- [SIGHS]
473
00:21:30,814 --> 00:21:32,729
I suppose Maurice has your back.
474
00:21:32,816 --> 00:21:34,296
Exactly.
475
00:21:34,383 --> 00:21:37,604
And I'm assuming that you have friends.
476
00:21:37,691 --> 00:21:39,867
Pretty awesome friends, actually.
477
00:21:39,954 --> 00:21:43,174
Also, a surprisingly
dynamic love life too.
478
00:21:43,262 --> 00:21:45,264
Love is all right.
479
00:21:45,351 --> 00:21:49,964
It's not worth dying for,
you understand, but...
480
00:21:50,051 --> 00:21:51,618
there are times where living for it
481
00:21:51,705 --> 00:21:53,315
isn't the worst possible idea.
482
00:21:53,402 --> 00:21:55,622
You're talking about
Maurice, aren't you?
483
00:21:55,709 --> 00:21:56,971
He had your back too?
484
00:21:58,581 --> 00:22:00,453
Yes, he did.
485
00:22:02,498 --> 00:22:04,935
Well, this has... [SIGHS]
486
00:22:05,022 --> 00:22:08,156
Been awesome.
487
00:22:08,243 --> 00:22:10,680
You and me, right?
Finding common ground.
488
00:22:10,767 --> 00:22:12,856
This is kind of crazy.
489
00:22:12,943 --> 00:22:14,249
Just a couple of vampires
490
00:22:14,336 --> 00:22:15,381
sitting around talking about love.
491
00:22:15,468 --> 00:22:16,947
I want you deader than dirt.
492
00:22:17,034 --> 00:22:18,732
Every relationship has its challenges.
493
00:22:18,819 --> 00:22:20,864
Nice chat, Blob.
494
00:22:20,951 --> 00:22:23,127
Enjoy the next four
weeks to the fullest.
495
00:22:23,214 --> 00:22:24,738
Like they were your last.
496
00:22:24,825 --> 00:22:26,653
[OMINOUS MUSIC]
497
00:22:26,740 --> 00:22:28,176
Will do.
498
00:22:29,873 --> 00:22:33,529
Vampires are fucking weird.
499
00:22:33,616 --> 00:22:34,835
[SIGHS]
500
00:22:34,922 --> 00:22:37,141
♪ ♪
501
00:22:44,279 --> 00:22:45,367
[KNOCK ON DOOR]
502
00:22:51,373 --> 00:22:52,635
Hey.
503
00:22:56,422 --> 00:22:59,381
[LAUGHS]
504
00:22:59,468 --> 00:23:01,557
Oh. Mm.
505
00:23:06,170 --> 00:23:08,477
- Hey.
- Hey.
506
00:23:10,261 --> 00:23:12,002
Oh, oh, oh.
507
00:23:12,089 --> 00:23:13,264
Wait, wait.
508
00:23:15,005 --> 00:23:16,267
In the interest of full disclosure,
509
00:23:16,355 --> 00:23:17,356
- I have to tell you something.
- Oh.
510
00:23:17,443 --> 00:23:19,967
And brace yourself because,
511
00:23:20,054 --> 00:23:23,231
again fully aware of what
a shocker this is gonna be,
512
00:23:23,318 --> 00:23:24,841
but the thing I wasn't telling you,
513
00:23:24,928 --> 00:23:29,585
my big, bold, impossible secret is...
514
00:23:29,672 --> 00:23:31,892
I'm...
515
00:23:33,502 --> 00:23:37,027
[GROANS] I'm...
516
00:23:37,114 --> 00:23:38,289
a virgin.
517
00:23:40,596 --> 00:23:42,729
Oh.
518
00:23:54,828 --> 00:23:57,918
[DARK DREAMY MUSIC]
519
00:23:58,005 --> 00:23:59,876
I'm glad you came back.
520
00:23:59,963 --> 00:24:01,487
Me too.
521
00:24:01,574 --> 00:24:05,099
The only thing is, I
can't figure out why.
522
00:24:05,186 --> 00:24:08,929
I need to make amends.
523
00:24:09,016 --> 00:24:12,236
That's the least attractive
sentence you've ever uttered.
524
00:24:12,323 --> 00:24:14,325
Well, what would you prefer?
525
00:24:15,892 --> 00:24:17,720
All right.
526
00:24:17,807 --> 00:24:22,421
Let's say amends is the righteous thing.
527
00:24:22,508 --> 00:24:24,423
What exactly does that entail?
528
00:24:24,510 --> 00:24:26,947
I made a mistake.
529
00:24:29,819 --> 00:24:32,953
I put someone in danger
who does not deserve it,
530
00:24:33,040 --> 00:24:36,173
and I need to make sure he does not die.
531
00:24:36,260 --> 00:24:38,393
Intriguing generalities.
532
00:24:40,961 --> 00:24:42,876
- But...
- I'm gonna stop Angela
533
00:24:42,963 --> 00:24:44,660
before she kills the fat vampire.
534
00:24:48,447 --> 00:24:51,362
[CHUCKLING]
535
00:24:51,450 --> 00:24:54,365
[LAUGHING]
536
00:24:54,453 --> 00:24:57,281
[DRAMATIC MUSIC]
537
00:24:57,368 --> 00:25:03,368
♪ ♪
538
00:25:04,245 --> 00:25:07,466
Looks like someone
could use a pick-me-up.
539
00:25:07,553 --> 00:25:11,034
Pineapple surprise.
540
00:25:11,121 --> 00:25:14,037
That's, uh, really sweet of you.
541
00:25:14,124 --> 00:25:16,387
- Thank you.
- [CHUCKLES]
542
00:25:16,475 --> 00:25:17,911
You know I'm just trying to bribe you
543
00:25:17,998 --> 00:25:19,347
with your favorite slushy, right?
544
00:25:19,434 --> 00:25:21,349
I know. I'm sorry.
545
00:25:21,436 --> 00:25:23,133
I... I'm not trying to ignore you.
546
00:25:23,220 --> 00:25:24,831
I just...
547
00:25:24,918 --> 00:25:26,963
I feel like the world's biggest idiot.
548
00:25:27,050 --> 00:25:29,226
Like, that is not how
I wanted to tell you.
549
00:25:29,313 --> 00:25:30,663
Like I said last night,
550
00:25:30,750 --> 00:25:33,361
I think it's awesome
that you're a virgin
551
00:25:33,448 --> 00:25:35,015
and that you're waiting
for the right person.
552
00:25:36,625 --> 00:25:38,671
If I'm being honest,
553
00:25:38,758 --> 00:25:42,588
I never really had a
choice in the matter.
554
00:25:42,675 --> 00:25:45,373
It just never happened for me.
555
00:25:45,460 --> 00:25:48,028
I feel like virginity's
just a outdated concept
556
00:25:48,115 --> 00:25:51,684
to shame women anyway, but if I was
557
00:25:51,771 --> 00:25:54,034
waiting for a person,
558
00:25:54,121 --> 00:25:55,775
it would be you.
559
00:25:55,862 --> 00:25:59,735
From the very first date,
if that makes any sense.
560
00:25:59,822 --> 00:26:01,563
Completely.
561
00:26:05,175 --> 00:26:09,353
I think it's time for our third date.
562
00:26:09,440 --> 00:26:12,052
You do? I mean, I agree.
563
00:26:12,139 --> 00:26:13,967
It's... third time's a charm, right?
564
00:26:14,054 --> 00:26:15,969
Yes, it will be.
565
00:26:16,056 --> 00:26:19,276
- You and me.
- Saturday night.
566
00:26:20,974 --> 00:26:24,151
Mm. Stolen moments are the best kind.
567
00:26:25,674 --> 00:26:27,415
We're you wearing this the entire time?
568
00:26:27,502 --> 00:26:30,940
- [LAUGHS]
- Stop and is this rigatoni?
569
00:26:31,027 --> 00:26:34,074
The little rug rats are crafty.
570
00:26:34,161 --> 00:26:35,902
I tried to compost it the other night,
571
00:26:35,989 --> 00:26:37,991
but they caught me red-handed.
572
00:26:38,078 --> 00:26:42,125
They're keeping tabs on
me like secret agents.
573
00:26:42,212 --> 00:26:44,258
- [FANGS CLICK]
- [GASPS]
574
00:26:44,345 --> 00:26:45,781
[MOANS]
575
00:26:45,868 --> 00:26:47,696
I need to take a page from your book.
576
00:26:49,524 --> 00:26:51,657
Move through the world
like a glorious goddess
577
00:26:51,744 --> 00:26:54,181
no one will... with.
578
00:26:56,618 --> 00:26:59,186
Not as glorious as it sounds.
579
00:26:59,273 --> 00:27:03,538
No? Why do you say that?
580
00:27:03,625 --> 00:27:08,761
Well, for starters, that
assassin that I hired,
581
00:27:08,848 --> 00:27:11,372
yeah, she had a change of heart,
582
00:27:11,459 --> 00:27:15,898
which means Reginald is
still very much at large.
583
00:27:15,985 --> 00:27:19,641
I'm sure that Yukon brat
is cackling in her yurt.
584
00:27:19,728 --> 00:27:21,382
Yukon brat?
585
00:27:21,469 --> 00:27:24,690
[CHUCKLES] Eve.
586
00:27:24,777 --> 00:27:27,475
Eve of my doom is more like it.
587
00:27:27,562 --> 00:27:30,391
She's, uh, watching my every move,
588
00:27:30,478 --> 00:27:32,698
so I can't afford another slip up,
589
00:27:32,785 --> 00:27:34,613
especially when I'm expecting a visit
590
00:27:34,700 --> 00:27:37,659
from the esteemed head of
council, Logan the Vivisector.
591
00:27:37,746 --> 00:27:39,574
Nice nickname.
592
00:27:39,661 --> 00:27:42,142
Oh, he earned it. Trust me.
593
00:27:42,229 --> 00:27:45,145
I may not be able to relate
594
00:27:45,232 --> 00:27:49,584
to the complexities of
the vampire underworld,
595
00:27:49,671 --> 00:27:55,634
but, um, I have my own little
monsters to contend with,
596
00:27:55,721 --> 00:28:01,640
and when plan A and plan B fall through,
597
00:28:01,727 --> 00:28:05,208
there's usually a plan C.
598
00:28:05,295 --> 00:28:09,604
It's hiding in plain sight
and solves everything.
599
00:28:13,739 --> 00:28:16,263
See? I knew I could count on you.
600
00:28:16,350 --> 00:28:17,699
- Yeah?
- Yeah.
601
00:28:21,790 --> 00:28:23,487
Now, hand me my Spanx,
602
00:28:23,574 --> 00:28:25,315
'cause not all of us are eternally 20.
603
00:28:25,402 --> 00:28:27,317
Oh, shut up.
604
00:28:27,404 --> 00:28:31,104
You are just as beautiful
as the first day we met.
605
00:28:31,191 --> 00:28:35,412
You know, you don't have to
hide your problems from me.
606
00:28:35,499 --> 00:28:40,809
Having feelings for you and
no sense of what hurts you,
607
00:28:40,896 --> 00:28:42,071
hurts.
608
00:28:42,158 --> 00:28:45,422
We talked about this.
609
00:28:45,509 --> 00:28:47,773
There are parts of my life
610
00:28:47,860 --> 00:28:51,428
that are best kept secret.
611
00:28:51,515 --> 00:28:54,214
It's dangerous to know
everything about me.
612
00:28:54,301 --> 00:28:57,913
It sounds like the
working definition of love.
613
00:28:58,000 --> 00:28:59,959
This is the only way to keep you safe.
614
00:29:00,046 --> 00:29:03,136
[DREAMY ELECTROACOUSTIC MUSIC]
615
00:29:03,223 --> 00:29:04,398
Listen to me.
616
00:29:04,485 --> 00:29:06,269
[ECHOING] Listen.
617
00:29:06,356 --> 00:29:12,275
♪ ♪
618
00:29:12,362 --> 00:29:14,190
Hey, what are you doing up already?
619
00:29:14,277 --> 00:29:15,626
Oh, I just had a hankering.
620
00:29:15,714 --> 00:29:17,628
You always have a hankering.
621
00:29:17,716 --> 00:29:19,108
- For you, I do.
- [CHUCKLES]
622
00:29:27,682 --> 00:29:29,466
Oh, Reggie-boo.
623
00:29:29,553 --> 00:29:31,512
Anything for my ray of sunshine.
624
00:29:34,907 --> 00:29:38,214
Wait. Something's missing.
625
00:29:40,521 --> 00:29:43,089
On today's menu we
have an aromatic blend
626
00:29:43,176 --> 00:29:46,788
of A and B positive with a dash of O.
627
00:29:46,875 --> 00:29:49,312
Oh, honey, you shouldn't have.
628
00:29:49,399 --> 00:29:51,010
It's perfect.
629
00:29:56,450 --> 00:29:59,540
Uh... oh, oh, that's generous.
630
00:29:59,627 --> 00:30:01,411
I'm good though. That's plenty.
631
00:30:01,498 --> 00:30:04,545
- But aren't you hungry?
- Not that hungry.
632
00:30:04,632 --> 00:30:07,678
Oh, don't be afraid, Reggie-boo.
633
00:30:07,766 --> 00:30:10,725
The only thing you have
to fear is me itself.
634
00:30:10,812 --> 00:30:12,727
BOTH: Good to the last drop.
635
00:30:12,814 --> 00:30:14,598
Good to the last drop.
636
00:30:14,685 --> 00:30:17,123
Good to the last drop.
637
00:30:17,210 --> 00:30:19,168
Good to the last drop.
638
00:30:19,255 --> 00:30:20,604
[KNOCK ON DOOR]
639
00:30:22,781 --> 00:30:23,912
[GROANS]
640
00:30:25,958 --> 00:30:27,611
[KNOCK ON DOOR]
641
00:30:31,224 --> 00:30:32,660
[GROANS]
642
00:30:32,747 --> 00:30:35,663
What a weird-ass dream.
643
00:30:35,750 --> 00:30:37,273
[SIGHS]
644
00:30:39,362 --> 00:30:41,190
[GASPS]
645
00:30:41,277 --> 00:30:44,150
[OMINOUS MUSIC]
646
00:30:44,237 --> 00:30:49,198
♪ ♪
647
00:30:49,285 --> 00:30:51,679
Don't be shy.
648
00:30:51,766 --> 00:30:55,639
I love presents, and
I brought one for you.
649
00:30:59,774 --> 00:31:03,038
I've never met a
vampire like you before.
650
00:31:03,125 --> 00:31:04,431
Okay.
651
00:31:04,518 --> 00:31:06,346
I'm intrigued if not terrified.
652
00:31:06,433 --> 00:31:10,263
- Go on.
- You're soft, gentle.
653
00:31:10,350 --> 00:31:12,047
Made to cuddle, which doesn't
654
00:31:12,134 --> 00:31:13,134
have the advantages you think it does.
655
00:31:13,179 --> 00:31:14,745
You sing like an angel.
656
00:31:14,833 --> 00:31:16,138
I'll take your word for it,
although all the evidence
657
00:31:16,225 --> 00:31:17,531
points towards the contrary.
658
00:31:17,618 --> 00:31:18,837
Here.
659
00:31:25,060 --> 00:31:26,366
This doesn't belong to
anyone I know, right?
660
00:31:26,453 --> 00:31:28,977
No, but there may be a slight
delay in your next mail delivery.
661
00:31:31,762 --> 00:31:35,984
Nikki, you seem so cool.
662
00:31:36,071 --> 00:31:37,638
Thank you.
663
00:31:37,725 --> 00:31:39,814
Most times people say
my name, it's all...
664
00:31:39,901 --> 00:31:43,687
"Nikki, you promised to stop
after the second fingernail.
665
00:31:43,774 --> 00:31:46,560
Please, God, make it stop."
666
00:31:46,647 --> 00:31:48,954
But I'm seeing someone right now.
667
00:31:49,041 --> 00:31:51,565
Of course you are. How
could anyone resist?
668
00:31:51,652 --> 00:31:53,567
It's really serious.
669
00:31:56,613 --> 00:32:00,443
After briefly considering bloodshed...
670
00:32:00,530 --> 00:32:03,011
I've come to realize
671
00:32:03,098 --> 00:32:04,230
I have no problem with that.
672
00:32:04,317 --> 00:32:05,796
Three is a very underrated number.
673
00:32:05,884 --> 00:32:08,712
And that's... that's so generous of you,
674
00:32:08,799 --> 00:32:10,410
but it's just the two of us.
675
00:32:10,497 --> 00:32:12,238
You and me, two?
676
00:32:13,804 --> 00:32:15,589
No.
677
00:32:15,676 --> 00:32:18,244
I'm sorry.
678
00:32:18,331 --> 00:32:19,810
Please don't kill me.
679
00:32:26,208 --> 00:32:28,558
Time will tell when
it comes to you and me.
680
00:32:28,645 --> 00:32:33,433
But Reginald, that thing inside you,
681
00:32:33,520 --> 00:32:36,001
the difference?
682
00:32:36,088 --> 00:32:41,093
It needs to be protected
from others like me,
683
00:32:41,180 --> 00:32:43,530
because they don't love you like I do.
684
00:32:43,617 --> 00:32:44,792
[CHUCKLES]
685
00:32:44,879 --> 00:32:47,751
[SUSPENSEFUL MUSIC]
686
00:32:47,838 --> 00:32:53,838
♪ ♪
687
00:32:58,458 --> 00:33:01,374
[TENSE MUSIC]
688
00:33:01,461 --> 00:33:07,461
♪ ♪
689
00:33:25,964 --> 00:33:27,443
- Hey, there.
- Hi.
690
00:33:27,530 --> 00:33:29,793
Welcome to the Slushy
Shack. How may I help you?
691
00:33:29,880 --> 00:33:34,581
That is a tough question.
692
00:33:36,235 --> 00:33:39,978
There's just so many flavors.
693
00:33:41,936 --> 00:33:43,938
How am I ever gonna choose?
694
00:33:44,025 --> 00:33:46,897
[SUSPENSEFUL MUSIC]
695
00:33:49,857 --> 00:33:52,860
[SOFT PIANO MUSIC PLAYING]
696
00:33:57,996 --> 00:34:00,041
It's wild to think of all the decisions
697
00:34:00,128 --> 00:34:01,608
that led us to this moment.
698
00:34:01,695 --> 00:34:03,523
Like, who knows?
699
00:34:03,610 --> 00:34:06,352
I could be selling bagels
and you could be selling,
700
00:34:06,439 --> 00:34:08,528
I don't know, comic books or...
701
00:34:08,615 --> 00:34:10,486
- Fitness equipment.
- Shut up.
702
00:34:10,573 --> 00:34:12,706
Yeah, I applied to that
one place down the street
703
00:34:12,793 --> 00:34:16,492
and they accepted me, but, you know,
704
00:34:16,579 --> 00:34:19,669
the Slushy Shack had
better staff discounts,
705
00:34:19,756 --> 00:34:22,368
cuter uniforms, cuter employees.
706
00:34:22,455 --> 00:34:25,110
- Oh, is that right?
- Mm-hmm.
707
00:34:25,197 --> 00:34:27,329
So this whole time,
you've been my Heathcliff?
708
00:34:27,416 --> 00:34:29,853
I may have been lowkey brooding.
709
00:34:29,940 --> 00:34:31,594
Are you still reading
"Wuthering Heights?"
710
00:34:31,681 --> 00:34:33,074
I finished it actually.
711
00:34:33,161 --> 00:34:34,510
Yeah, the book cover should read,
712
00:34:34,597 --> 00:34:37,905
"When unbridled passion meets
unrequited love, shit gets ugly."
713
00:34:37,992 --> 00:34:39,994
Right? It's a total bummer,
714
00:34:40,081 --> 00:34:42,779
and at the end of the day,
nothing mattered 'cause...
715
00:34:42,866 --> 00:34:44,955
BOTH: They were together.
716
00:34:45,043 --> 00:34:47,915
[TENDER MUSIC]
717
00:34:48,002 --> 00:34:50,178
♪ ♪
718
00:34:50,265 --> 00:34:53,051
So this place is nice.
719
00:34:53,138 --> 00:34:54,443
Wonder what the rooms look like.
720
00:34:56,445 --> 00:35:01,276
Guess we're gonna have to
figure that out on our own.
721
00:35:01,363 --> 00:35:03,887
- Think we should?
- Absolutely, yes. 100%.
722
00:35:03,974 --> 00:35:06,673
I'm, like, not even
kidding right now. I'm so...
723
00:35:09,719 --> 00:35:11,112
[CHUCKLES]
724
00:35:18,206 --> 00:35:20,252
[OMINOUS MUSIC]
725
00:35:20,339 --> 00:35:21,775
I have to pee.
726
00:35:27,476 --> 00:35:29,739
Hey, there's way too much soda in this.
727
00:35:29,826 --> 00:35:32,090
Whoa... no.
728
00:35:32,177 --> 00:35:34,831
[SPLUTTERING]
729
00:35:37,660 --> 00:35:39,097
- Hey, what are you doing here?
- What does it look like?
730
00:35:39,184 --> 00:35:41,969
I'm a mixologist serving
alcohol to needy customers.
731
00:35:42,056 --> 00:35:43,971
Is this really a job or is
this entry-level stalking?
732
00:35:44,058 --> 00:35:45,929
I thought everything
between us was cool.
733
00:35:46,016 --> 00:35:47,366
Is that blood on your shirt?
734
00:35:50,543 --> 00:35:51,848
Nikki, you can't be here.
735
00:35:51,935 --> 00:35:53,502
But my shift isn't over until midnight.
736
00:35:53,589 --> 00:35:54,808
What?
737
00:35:54,895 --> 00:35:57,767
[OMINOUS MUSIC]
738
00:35:57,854 --> 00:36:00,683
♪ ♪
739
00:36:00,770 --> 00:36:02,946
- You okay?
- Great.
740
00:36:03,033 --> 00:36:04,861
Never better.
741
00:36:04,948 --> 00:36:06,689
Dessert?
742
00:36:06,776 --> 00:36:08,343
Tranquilizer?
743
00:36:08,430 --> 00:36:10,780
You pick. [CHUCKLES]
744
00:36:13,479 --> 00:36:15,176
- Oh, my God.
- What?
745
00:36:15,263 --> 00:36:17,004
I might've left my
phone in the bathroom.
746
00:36:17,091 --> 00:36:18,788
- Oh, you want me to call it?
- No, it's fine.
747
00:36:18,875 --> 00:36:21,226
How about you decide on dessert?
748
00:36:21,313 --> 00:36:24,098
And make sure that it's
vegan and gluten-free.
749
00:36:24,185 --> 00:36:27,623
But you had steak for dinner
and some of my chicken.
750
00:36:27,710 --> 00:36:29,495
[SOFTLY] What do you think you're doing?
751
00:36:29,582 --> 00:36:32,672
I'm bringing you signature
Nikki cocktails on the house.
752
00:36:32,759 --> 00:36:34,456
Okay, great. Drinks received.
753
00:36:34,543 --> 00:36:36,110
Go now. We don't need any more appies.
754
00:36:45,119 --> 00:36:47,687
Hello? Earth to Reginald.
755
00:36:47,774 --> 00:36:49,167
- Hey.
- Hi.
756
00:36:49,254 --> 00:36:51,865
Um, I'm s-I'm sorry, I just...
757
00:36:51,952 --> 00:36:53,127
I can't believe all this is happening.
758
00:36:53,214 --> 00:36:55,825
Me too. Is this sangria?
759
00:36:55,912 --> 00:36:57,784
Yeah, sure.
760
00:36:59,699 --> 00:37:01,962
Mm, it's good.
761
00:37:02,049 --> 00:37:03,833
Has... a bit of a weird aftertaste.
762
00:37:05,574 --> 00:37:07,446
Tastes like coppery.
763
00:37:07,533 --> 00:37:09,099
Oh, that one's actually mine.
764
00:37:09,187 --> 00:37:10,797
What'd you put in here? Truffle oil?
765
00:37:10,884 --> 00:37:12,233
- Oh, Reginald.
- Sorry.
766
00:37:12,320 --> 00:37:15,497
I'm-I'm really sorry.
I... I'm just so nervous.
767
00:37:15,584 --> 00:37:17,847
Hey, you don't have to be nervous.
768
00:37:17,934 --> 00:37:20,023
Not with me. Not with us.
769
00:37:20,110 --> 00:37:23,288
Ohh... you're right, you're right.
770
00:37:23,375 --> 00:37:26,682
Us is the best thing
that's ever happened to me.
771
00:37:26,769 --> 00:37:29,598
- Come on, let's go.
- Okay, yeah.
772
00:37:40,696 --> 00:37:44,396
For the ambience, for the mood,
773
00:37:44,483 --> 00:37:48,574
and... for the senses.
774
00:37:48,661 --> 00:37:52,273
Thank you for doing all
this. This is so nice.
775
00:37:52,360 --> 00:37:55,145
Is it too much? God,
it's too much, isn't it?
776
00:37:55,233 --> 00:37:58,714
I'm so glad that I skipped
on that mariachi band.
777
00:37:58,801 --> 00:38:01,151
- [LAUGHS]
- Okay, it's just...
778
00:38:01,239 --> 00:38:04,242
I know it's your first time,
and it's our first time.
779
00:38:04,329 --> 00:38:06,592
And I just... I want it to be special.
780
00:38:06,679 --> 00:38:08,463
I can pretty much guarantee you
781
00:38:08,550 --> 00:38:11,118
that this is gonna be the
most special night of my life.
782
00:38:14,077 --> 00:38:16,515
Why are you so sweet?
783
00:38:16,602 --> 00:38:19,039
- I'm so nervous.
- [LAUGHS]
784
00:38:29,136 --> 00:38:30,529
This is really happening.
785
00:38:30,616 --> 00:38:32,226
It's really happening.
786
00:38:32,313 --> 00:38:35,229
I cannot tell you how many
nights I've dreamt of this.
787
00:38:35,316 --> 00:38:36,883
[LAUGHS]
788
00:38:36,970 --> 00:38:38,928
I visualized it. I believed it.
789
00:38:39,015 --> 00:38:40,887
I achieved it.
790
00:38:40,974 --> 00:38:43,629
Actualization pillow talk
is the sexiest pillow talk.
791
00:38:43,716 --> 00:38:44,717
- Right?
- Yeah.
792
00:38:44,804 --> 00:38:46,849
[LAUGHTER]
793
00:38:46,936 --> 00:38:48,547
- Ready?
- Yeah.
794
00:38:48,634 --> 00:38:51,419
[LAUGHTER]
795
00:38:51,506 --> 00:38:53,421
Don't move. I'll be right back.
796
00:38:53,508 --> 00:38:55,771
- Okay.
- Okay.
797
00:38:55,858 --> 00:38:56,903
[LAUGHS]
798
00:38:56,990 --> 00:39:00,559
[QUIET MUSIC]
799
00:39:00,646 --> 00:39:06,608
♪ ♪
800
00:39:06,695 --> 00:39:08,131
[SIGHS]
801
00:39:23,625 --> 00:39:26,498
[OMINOUS MUSIC]
802
00:39:26,585 --> 00:39:28,456
♪ ♪
803
00:39:28,543 --> 00:39:30,240
Hey, welcome to the Slushy Shack.
804
00:39:30,328 --> 00:39:31,546
How may I help you?
805
00:39:31,633 --> 00:39:34,027
That is a tough question.
806
00:39:34,114 --> 00:39:35,724
Listen to me.
807
00:39:35,811 --> 00:39:38,161
[ECHOING] Listen... listen...
808
00:39:38,248 --> 00:39:41,904
♪ ♪
809
00:39:46,474 --> 00:39:49,521
[EERIE VOCALIZATION]
810
00:39:49,608 --> 00:39:54,743
♪ ♪
811
00:40:09,279 --> 00:40:12,326
Okay, be cool. Just go with the flow.
812
00:40:12,413 --> 00:40:14,589
You just have to unlock your...
813
00:40:19,289 --> 00:40:20,900
[WHISPERS] Instinct.
814
00:40:25,513 --> 00:40:27,036
[SARAH GIGGLES]
815
00:40:29,125 --> 00:40:32,172
You're gonna wanna close
your eyes for this next part.
816
00:40:32,259 --> 00:40:35,044
Okay, but remember, be careful.
817
00:40:35,131 --> 00:40:37,482
I'm your gentle,
delicate, little flower.
818
00:40:37,569 --> 00:40:40,441
Don't worry, Reginald.
819
00:40:40,528 --> 00:40:43,052
It'll be over before
you know what hit you.
820
00:40:44,358 --> 00:40:45,403
[GROANS]
821
00:40:45,490 --> 00:40:48,057
Whoa, whoa, hey!
822
00:40:48,144 --> 00:40:50,146
Did you see that? I almost got staked.
823
00:40:50,233 --> 00:40:51,887
Wait, Sarah. Is she okay?
824
00:40:51,974 --> 00:40:53,454
She was the one trying
to stake you, remember?
825
00:40:53,541 --> 00:40:55,282
- I'd give her some space.
- What? That's impossible.
826
00:40:55,369 --> 00:40:57,284
- I know Sarah.
- You sure about that?
827
00:40:57,371 --> 00:40:59,329
'Cause her weapon of
choice was very specific.
828
00:40:59,417 --> 00:41:01,114
In my experience, only
humans of a certain kind
829
00:41:01,201 --> 00:41:02,332
know how to find us and kill us.
830
00:41:02,420 --> 00:41:03,812
No, no, absolutely not.
831
00:41:03,899 --> 00:41:05,379
There's no way that Sarah,
832
00:41:05,466 --> 00:41:07,860
my Sarah, is a vampire slayer.
833
00:41:07,947 --> 00:41:09,035
[DOOR OPENS]
834
00:41:09,122 --> 00:41:10,950
[DRAMATIC CHORDS]
835
00:41:11,037 --> 00:41:12,952
She bounced back fast.
836
00:41:13,039 --> 00:41:14,257
I killed a slayer in Walla Walla.
837
00:41:14,344 --> 00:41:15,433
She wasn't really a slayer.
838
00:41:15,520 --> 00:41:16,608
Learned about it from a comic book.
839
00:41:16,695 --> 00:41:18,392
I rammed her stake down her throat.
840
00:41:18,479 --> 00:41:20,525
Ironic, right? Or is
it just a coincidence?
841
00:41:20,612 --> 00:41:21,787
Don't kill her. Don't hurt her, please.
842
00:41:21,874 --> 00:41:23,571
Spoilsport. [BEEPS]
843
00:41:23,658 --> 00:41:25,921
This is all just a big misunderstanding.
844
00:41:28,054 --> 00:41:29,272
"Oh, hey, Reginald.
How did your date go?"
845
00:41:29,359 --> 00:41:30,665
"Oh, it went great. Thanks.
846
00:41:30,752 --> 00:41:31,884
We had a lovely dinner at the restaurant
847
00:41:31,971 --> 00:41:32,971
and then we went to the hotel room
848
00:41:32,972 --> 00:41:34,495
where she tried to kill me.
849
00:41:34,582 --> 00:41:35,888
You know how it goes.
850
00:41:35,975 --> 00:41:37,933
Kissing one moment,
then screaming the next.
851
00:41:38,020 --> 00:41:40,283
And then your vampire
stalker comes and saves you
852
00:41:40,370 --> 00:41:41,370
and locks your girlfriend in a closet
853
00:41:41,415 --> 00:41:42,938
because as fate would have it,
854
00:41:43,025 --> 00:41:45,637
I'm in love with Buffy the
fucking Vampire Slayer!"
855
00:41:45,724 --> 00:41:48,074
[GASPS/LAUGHS]
856
00:41:48,161 --> 00:41:50,119
"Okay, it was great
knowing you, Reginald.
857
00:41:50,206 --> 00:41:53,471
Have fun dying." [SIGHS]
858
00:41:55,908 --> 00:41:56,909
[FANGS CLICK]
859
00:41:59,172 --> 00:42:00,956
Here. This will calm you down.
860
00:42:01,043 --> 00:42:03,829
[QUIET ELECTROACOUSTIC MUSIC]
861
00:42:03,916 --> 00:42:06,266
♪ ♪
862
00:42:06,353 --> 00:42:08,311
[GASPS]
863
00:42:08,398 --> 00:42:11,010
[SLURPING SOUNDS]
864
00:42:24,719 --> 00:42:26,373
[MOANS]
865
00:42:28,288 --> 00:42:31,378
[BOTH BREATHING HEAVILY]
866
00:42:31,465 --> 00:42:37,465
♪ ♪
867
00:42:45,827 --> 00:42:48,743
[GENTLE GUITAR MUSIC]
868
00:42:48,830 --> 00:42:54,830
♪ ♪
869
00:42:54,831 --> 00:42:59,831
- Synced and corrected by chamallow -
- www.MY-SUBS.com -
60813
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