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1
00:00:04,210 --> 00:00:06,726
Why is the office
so mellow today?
2
00:00:06,750 --> 00:00:09,816
Huh. Add kombucha on tap,
and we might be at Google.
3
00:00:09,840 --> 00:00:11,486
Isn't it nice? Mr. Rhodes
4
00:00:11,510 --> 00:00:13,656
is at a global leadership
conference in the Netherlands.
5
00:00:13,680 --> 00:00:16,276
Oh. Ooh! I'm picturing
Skarsgards everywhere,
6
00:00:16,300 --> 00:00:17,866
and I want to be there. Yum.
7
00:00:17,890 --> 00:00:19,236
Uh, that's Sweden,
but, you know, same.
8
00:00:19,260 --> 00:00:22,366
My dear, never slurp.
9
00:00:22,390 --> 00:00:24,166
It gives men the wrong idea.
10
00:00:24,190 --> 00:00:25,956
Oh, Nell, did you get
that obituary assignment,
11
00:00:25,980 --> 00:00:27,746
Mary Sue Manners? Sure did.
12
00:00:27,770 --> 00:00:29,586
The public access lady
13
00:00:29,610 --> 00:00:31,086
that had the etiquette
show for like 40 years?
14
00:00:31,110 --> 00:00:33,256
"Manners Matter with
Mary Sue Manners."
15
00:00:33,280 --> 00:00:34,926
Poor old broad choked
to death on crudité.
16
00:00:34,950 --> 00:00:36,256
Have fun writing that one.
17
00:00:36,280 --> 00:00:37,257
"Old broad"?
18
00:00:37,281 --> 00:00:39,346
Everyone, stop relaxing!
19
00:00:39,370 --> 00:00:41,426
I just hung up with
my father's hologram.
20
00:00:41,450 --> 00:00:43,636
And effective immediately,
we will be merging
21
00:00:43,660 --> 00:00:46,476
the two floors of the
newsroom into one.
22
00:00:46,500 --> 00:00:48,856
So pop a breath mint and
get ready to say hello
23
00:00:48,880 --> 00:00:51,646
to your new office-mates.
24
00:00:51,670 --> 00:00:54,196
As you know, my father
is attending a conference
25
00:00:54,220 --> 00:00:57,316
about the Dutch productivity
philosophy uitmuntendheid.
26
00:00:57,340 --> 00:00:59,866
It's a three-pronged
approach... a livable wage,
27
00:00:59,890 --> 00:01:03,576
solid benefits, and
an intimate office.
28
00:01:03,600 --> 00:01:05,246
Father was offended
by the first two,
29
00:01:05,270 --> 00:01:06,996
but I thought the third
one sounded kind of fun.
30
00:01:07,020 --> 00:01:08,786
So scooch over, everybody!
31
00:01:08,810 --> 00:01:10,796
Mason has the new
seating assignments,
32
00:01:10,820 --> 00:01:14,506
and you can slip your thank-you
notes under my office door.
33
00:01:14,530 --> 00:01:15,467
Enjoy!
34
00:01:15,491 --> 00:01:18,546
Captions by VITAC...
35
00:01:23,580 --> 00:01:25,976
Sam: It's weird but
kind of exciting, right?
36
00:01:26,000 --> 00:01:28,556
Like meeting your roommate
on the first day of college.
37
00:01:28,580 --> 00:01:32,186
Oh, my roommate in college
ate my blanket. She ate it.
38
00:01:32,210 --> 00:01:34,736
So it can't be worse
than that. Yeah. Yeah.
39
00:01:34,760 --> 00:01:38,816
Nell, you'll be sharing your
disgusting cubicle with...
40
00:01:38,840 --> 00:01:41,406
TJ Silva. You might
wanna clean up the ants
41
00:01:41,430 --> 00:01:43,196
and stick a
Febreeze somewhere.
42
00:01:43,220 --> 00:01:45,826
TJ Silva, the sports writer?
43
00:01:45,850 --> 00:01:49,036
He started here right
before you left for England.
44
00:01:49,060 --> 00:01:51,796
He's literally the
nicest guy in the office.
45
00:01:51,820 --> 00:01:53,756
Maybe I will
freshen up my space.
46
00:01:53,780 --> 00:01:55,416
Ah, that's a wonderful idea.
47
00:01:55,440 --> 00:01:56,796
You know, a hostess
should always provide
48
00:01:56,820 --> 00:01:58,966
a pleasant environment
for her guests.
49
00:01:58,990 --> 00:02:02,466
Do you have any soaps
shaped like shellfish
50
00:02:02,490 --> 00:02:04,636
or fun aquatic creatures?
51
00:02:04,660 --> 00:02:08,476
Hey! Hey, B-dawg! Haven't
seen you in a minute.
52
00:02:08,500 --> 00:02:10,896
Derrick, still can't believe
you got today's Wordle in two.
53
00:02:10,920 --> 00:02:13,026
Who does that? Derrick:
If you got it, you got it.
54
00:02:13,050 --> 00:02:15,566
Cheryl, how is your cat
doing with the Prozac?
55
00:02:15,590 --> 00:02:16,896
I stopped using Band-Aids.
56
00:02:16,920 --> 00:02:19,156
Well, give Peaches a
little belly rub for me.
57
00:02:19,180 --> 00:02:20,986
Aww, he's got
nicknames for everyone,
58
00:02:21,010 --> 00:02:22,236
and he cares about
animal mental health.
59
00:02:22,260 --> 00:02:24,196
And he doesn't eat blankets.
60
00:02:24,220 --> 00:02:26,076
That I know of.
Good luck! Mm-hmm.
61
00:02:26,100 --> 00:02:28,666
Man: Later, TJ.
62
00:02:28,690 --> 00:02:30,456
Hi, I'm Nell. TJ: Mm-hmm.
63
00:02:30,480 --> 00:02:32,246
Welcome to our cubicle.
64
00:02:32,270 --> 00:02:34,246
I mean, they're
all the same, but.
65
00:02:34,270 --> 00:02:35,416
this one's the best.
66
00:02:35,440 --> 00:02:37,416
Cool. Feel free
to use, you know,
67
00:02:37,440 --> 00:02:40,176
anything of mine... pens,
post-its, my thesaurus.
68
00:02:40,200 --> 00:02:41,256
I'm very solicitous.
69
00:02:41,280 --> 00:02:43,056
Hey, String Cheese! What's up?
70
00:02:43,080 --> 00:02:44,886
Ha-ha! It's my
favorite snack! Ha!
71
00:02:44,910 --> 00:02:46,306
Yeah, it is.
72
00:02:46,330 --> 00:02:49,266
Ooh. I see what you
have on your hands.
73
00:02:49,290 --> 00:02:51,856
I call this the difficult guest.
74
00:02:51,880 --> 00:02:55,566
I addressed that in an episode
entitled "The Difficult Guest."
75
00:02:55,590 --> 00:02:57,276
What did you do?
76
00:02:57,300 --> 00:02:58,856
I found the flower that grew
in his childhood garden,
77
00:02:58,880 --> 00:03:00,816
and I presented it
on his table setting
78
00:03:00,840 --> 00:03:03,076
when he sat down to dinner.
79
00:03:03,100 --> 00:03:05,576
There's a plant in the bathroom.
80
00:03:05,600 --> 00:03:07,286
Hey, TJ. Oh.
81
00:03:07,310 --> 00:03:09,786
So, since we're working
alongside each other,
82
00:03:09,810 --> 00:03:11,956
I wanted to get you a
cubicle-warming gift.
83
00:03:11,980 --> 00:03:13,496
Hope you enjoy it.
84
00:03:13,520 --> 00:03:15,666
Cool. Thanks. Mm-hmm.
85
00:03:18,400 --> 00:03:21,296
I love it.
86
00:03:21,320 --> 00:03:24,806
Hmm. I don't think you're
gonna get a nickname.
87
00:03:27,580 --> 00:03:30,226
Sam: Why are there a bunch
of children in my office?
88
00:03:30,250 --> 00:03:31,516
Hello? Hello.
89
00:03:31,540 --> 00:03:32,556
Hello... Oh, what?
90
00:03:32,580 --> 00:03:34,146
This is our social media team.
91
00:03:34,170 --> 00:03:36,186
They turn our news stories
into 30-second TikToks.
92
00:03:36,210 --> 00:03:38,106
Well, tick tock, I
need my office back.
93
00:03:38,130 --> 00:03:39,686
Bad news. It's their office now.
94
00:03:39,710 --> 00:03:41,566
Good news. You're
getting another one
95
00:03:41,590 --> 00:03:43,276
that you have to share
with another person.
96
00:03:43,300 --> 00:03:45,326
That sounds like two bad newses.
97
00:03:45,350 --> 00:03:46,696
Who am I stuck with?
98
00:03:46,720 --> 00:03:48,906
Yay! This is gonna be
so fun. Eee! Totally!
99
00:03:48,930 --> 00:03:50,536
It's gonna be like a
slumber party that you wear
100
00:03:50,560 --> 00:03:51,916
your work clothes to. You're
right. It's gonna be fun.
101
00:03:51,940 --> 00:03:54,496
Luckily, we both like to
keep the window closed. Open.
102
00:03:54,520 --> 00:03:57,376
I mean closed! Yay!
103
00:03:57,400 --> 00:03:59,296
Yeah, I don't know what
to tell you, Cheryl.
104
00:03:59,320 --> 00:04:00,966
Some people just have
to sit on the floor.
105
00:04:00,990 --> 00:04:02,256
Them's the breaks.
106
00:04:02,280 --> 00:04:04,796
Okay.
107
00:04:04,820 --> 00:04:06,506
How's it going, Mason?
108
00:04:06,530 --> 00:04:08,096
Everything working out
with the new arrangement?
109
00:04:08,120 --> 00:04:10,676
Oh, aces, boss. Everybody's
really loving it.
110
00:04:10,700 --> 00:04:12,886
Excellent. I'm off to lunch
with a gentleman friend.
111
00:04:12,910 --> 00:04:14,726
I'll be back in half an hour.
112
00:04:14,750 --> 00:04:17,936
45 minutes if I'm lucky.
113
00:04:17,960 --> 00:04:19,396
String Cheese: Hey, I had
an extra string cheese,
114
00:04:19,420 --> 00:04:22,316
and I thought, why not
give it to my man TJ?
115
00:04:22,340 --> 00:04:24,906
Dude.
116
00:04:24,930 --> 00:04:27,366
Bring it in.
117
00:04:27,390 --> 00:04:29,616
That is so thoughtful. I was
having a blood sugar dip,
118
00:04:29,640 --> 00:04:30,866
and along comes a hero.
119
00:04:30,890 --> 00:04:33,166
Alright. Yeah.
120
00:04:33,190 --> 00:04:35,246
Oh, uh Hey, everybody!
121
00:04:35,270 --> 00:04:37,836
Ol' Nellybelly's getting
coffee. Who wants one? My treat.
122
00:04:37,860 --> 00:04:40,456
Ooh, I'd love a coffee.
I'll get a list going.
123
00:04:40,480 --> 00:04:42,256
Who wants a coffee?!
Man: Oh, I'll take one.
124
00:04:42,280 --> 00:04:43,217
Hey, TJ, I'm not
sure if you heard,
125
00:04:43,241 --> 00:04:44,676
but I'm getting
coffee for my peeps.
126
00:04:44,700 --> 00:04:46,636
No, thanks. I'm good.
Can... Oh, I... No? None?
127
00:04:46,660 --> 00:04:48,046
I didn't have
breakfast. Do you mind
128
00:04:48,070 --> 00:04:49,007
if I get a couple of muffins?
129
00:04:49,031 --> 00:04:51,056
Yeah, I do mind, Tina!
130
00:04:51,080 --> 00:04:52,766
♪ When an edit comes along ♪
131
00:04:52,790 --> 00:04:55,186
♪ You must click it
♪ [ Pen clicking ]
132
00:04:55,210 --> 00:04:57,976
♪ Another edit comes
along, you must click it ♪
133
00:04:58,000 --> 00:04:58,817
Dennis!
134
00:04:58,841 --> 00:05:00,396
Aah! Oh, my God.
135
00:05:00,420 --> 00:05:01,816
I forgot you were here.
136
00:05:01,840 --> 00:05:03,816
Can you not click your pen?
137
00:05:03,840 --> 00:05:05,816
Oh, my God. I'm so sorry.
138
00:05:05,840 --> 00:05:08,526
Yes, I will stop that. Okay.
139
00:05:08,550 --> 00:05:12,496
♪ Stop it good,
dun-dun-dun-dun-doo ♪
140
00:05:12,520 --> 00:05:15,456
Oh, hey, your calendar
is flipped to June 2021.
141
00:05:15,480 --> 00:05:16,626
Let me fix that for you.
142
00:05:16,650 --> 00:05:18,246
Leave it!
143
00:05:18,270 --> 00:05:21,206
I mean
144
00:05:21,230 --> 00:05:23,336
please, uh, leave it.
145
00:05:23,360 --> 00:05:26,886
I'm... I'm a big fan of
the picture for June.
146
00:05:26,910 --> 00:05:28,966
Yeah, but it's the...
it's the wrong month.
147
00:05:28,990 --> 00:05:30,846
Mm-hmm. And the wrong year.
148
00:05:30,870 --> 00:05:32,176
And if I have to look at
that every single day,
149
00:05:32,200 --> 00:05:35,386
it's going to drive
me bananas, so...
150
00:05:39,960 --> 00:05:41,476
But, you know, if
a calendar page
151
00:05:41,500 --> 00:05:44,066
is that important to you,
uh... Great. Thank you.
152
00:05:44,090 --> 00:05:47,026
Well, TJ hates me.
153
00:05:47,050 --> 00:05:49,026
What? Why? I don't know!
154
00:05:49,050 --> 00:05:52,696
I've tried everything...
gifts, hid my desk junk,
155
00:05:52,720 --> 00:05:54,446
bought everybody in
the office coffee.
156
00:05:54,470 --> 00:05:57,206
Oh, thank you for my iced
caramel hazelnut mocha.
157
00:05:57,230 --> 00:05:58,416
Oh, that was you? Mm-hmm.
158
00:05:58,440 --> 00:05:59,916
You owe me 9 bucks.
159
00:05:59,940 --> 00:06:02,166
Nell, maybe TJ's just
having a bad day, you know?
160
00:06:04,070 --> 00:06:07,336
Woman: TJ, you are so funny!
161
00:06:07,360 --> 00:06:11,176
Okay. Well, sometimes
when someone acts weird,
162
00:06:11,200 --> 00:06:13,386
it's about something that's
completely out of your control,
163
00:06:13,410 --> 00:06:15,016
like maybe you just,
like, remind him
164
00:06:15,040 --> 00:06:16,306
of an ex-girlfriend
or something.
165
00:06:16,330 --> 00:06:18,556
Or, Nell, maybe your
name reminds him
166
00:06:18,580 --> 00:06:20,556
of that Jodie Foster
movie where she can't talk
167
00:06:20,580 --> 00:06:22,516
because of the
woods. You think so?
168
00:06:22,540 --> 00:06:25,606
Whatever's going on with TJ,
it's best to just let it go.
169
00:06:25,630 --> 00:06:27,736
He's right. You guys have to
work right next to each other,
170
00:06:27,760 --> 00:06:29,196
so just don't make it weird.
171
00:06:29,220 --> 00:06:31,776
Yeah. Yeah, yeah, you're right.
172
00:06:31,800 --> 00:06:34,946
I'm-a go make things weird.
173
00:06:34,970 --> 00:06:37,156
Hey, TJ, can we...
174
00:06:37,180 --> 00:06:40,166
Stupid plant.
175
00:06:40,190 --> 00:06:43,126
Hey. Hey. Hi.
176
00:06:43,150 --> 00:06:45,336
I feel like we need to
talk about the tension
177
00:06:45,360 --> 00:06:47,666
that's happening between us.
178
00:06:47,690 --> 00:06:50,386
Oh, wow. I didn't think you
were going to bring it up.
179
00:06:50,410 --> 00:06:52,296
For sure. Let's discuss
the elephant in the room.
180
00:06:52,320 --> 00:06:55,870
Yes. And exactly
what is our elephant?
181
00:06:57,160 --> 00:07:00,016
Oh, my God. Are you serious?
182
00:07:00,040 --> 00:07:02,106
November 2, 2016, ring a bell?
183
00:07:02,130 --> 00:07:03,646
Who remembers something
from that long ago?
184
00:07:03,670 --> 00:07:05,106
It was the night you
pretty much destroyed
185
00:07:05,130 --> 00:07:08,486
what could have been the
greatest moment of my life.
186
00:07:08,510 --> 00:07:09,776
Yeah, still nothing.
187
00:07:09,800 --> 00:07:12,196
Of course you don't
remember. Why would you?
188
00:07:12,220 --> 00:07:14,406
A person who's capable
of doing what you did
189
00:07:14,430 --> 00:07:16,236
wouldn't bother to remember.
190
00:07:19,140 --> 00:07:20,366
Uh, how am I
supposed to remember
191
00:07:20,390 --> 00:07:22,126
what happened seven years ago?
192
00:07:22,150 --> 00:07:24,246
Oh, just check
your social diary.
193
00:07:24,270 --> 00:07:25,836
I don't have a social diary.
194
00:07:25,860 --> 00:07:27,086
Then how do you keep track
195
00:07:27,110 --> 00:07:28,546
of the people with
whom you've had brunch?
196
00:07:28,570 --> 00:07:32,716
Damn, what the hell
did I do in 2016?
197
00:07:32,740 --> 00:07:35,506
I don't know. Turn 40?
198
00:07:35,530 --> 00:07:37,410
I will punch you in the neck.
199
00:07:41,830 --> 00:07:44,396
I'll show you a social diary.
200
00:07:45,880 --> 00:07:47,710
Hello, old friends.
201
00:07:49,840 --> 00:07:51,696
What are you doing here?
You're never home this early.
202
00:07:51,720 --> 00:07:53,866
Well, I needed to... Ew.
203
00:07:53,890 --> 00:07:56,196
Since when did you become
an afternoon-robe guy?
204
00:07:56,220 --> 00:07:57,786
I like the way the fabric
feels on my arm hairs.
205
00:07:57,810 --> 00:07:59,036
I don't know why I asked.
206
00:07:59,060 --> 00:08:00,456
Lexi's doing this
stupid thing at work
207
00:08:00,480 --> 00:08:01,916
where she's forcing us
to have cubicle-mates,
208
00:08:01,940 --> 00:08:03,786
and mine hates me for something
I don't remember doing,
209
00:08:03,810 --> 00:08:05,586
so I'm going through the photos
of all my old cell phones
210
00:08:05,610 --> 00:08:07,376
to figure out what
the hell happened
211
00:08:07,400 --> 00:08:09,296
that pissed him off so much,
'cause I don't want to sit next
212
00:08:09,320 --> 00:08:13,126
to someone who actively hates me
for the next forever-many years.
213
00:08:13,150 --> 00:08:15,256
You keep all your
old cell phones?
214
00:08:15,280 --> 00:08:16,966
Yeah, that was the
headline of this rant.
215
00:08:16,990 --> 00:08:18,766
Thank you for your
active listening.
216
00:08:18,790 --> 00:08:20,386
I don't understand. Have you
never heard of the Cloud?
217
00:08:20,410 --> 00:08:22,346
No... I do not trust the Cloud.
218
00:08:25,920 --> 00:08:27,976
Someone in your room, Robe Guy?
219
00:08:28,000 --> 00:08:31,186
Oh, my God. Is your
sex friend in there?
220
00:08:31,210 --> 00:08:34,260
No, I-I just ate some dairy.
That's what that sound was.
221
00:08:36,090 --> 00:08:38,786
Unh-unh. Mnh-mnh! No, no!
222
00:08:38,810 --> 00:08:41,706
No. Ew. Gross. Bye.
223
00:08:41,730 --> 00:08:43,996
You're gross.
224
00:08:44,020 --> 00:08:45,536
Did I just hear
Nell speaking ill
225
00:08:45,560 --> 00:08:47,286
about the conditions of
her new work environment?
226
00:08:47,310 --> 00:08:48,996
Yeah, she hates it.
227
00:08:49,020 --> 00:08:50,166
I checked in with an underling,
228
00:08:50,190 --> 00:08:52,166
and he said everyone was "aces."
229
00:08:52,190 --> 00:08:53,876
Maybe that's because
you're his boss,
230
00:08:53,900 --> 00:08:55,636
and he's just saying what
he thinks you want to hear.
231
00:08:55,660 --> 00:08:57,346
Employees do that?
232
00:08:57,370 --> 00:09:00,716
Yeah. Sometimes
lovers do it, too.
233
00:09:00,740 --> 00:09:02,476
For instance, I may
have led you to believe
234
00:09:02,500 --> 00:09:03,516
I like when you grab my...
But if people are complaining,
235
00:09:03,540 --> 00:09:05,146
then they won't be productive.
236
00:09:05,170 --> 00:09:07,170
And that flies in the
face of uitmuntendheid.
237
00:09:09,790 --> 00:09:11,396
You're leaving already? Yeah.
238
00:09:11,420 --> 00:09:12,986
We didn't get a chance to...
239
00:09:13,010 --> 00:09:13,947
♪ Oontz, oontz, oontz ♪
240
00:09:13,971 --> 00:09:15,816
Oh, well, don't tempt me.
241
00:09:15,840 --> 00:09:18,776
♪ Oontz, oontz, oontz, oontz,
oontz, oontz, oontz, oontz ♪
242
00:09:18,800 --> 00:09:21,446
No, I must go.
243
00:09:21,470 --> 00:09:25,786
Let's see. 2016, 2016.
244
00:09:25,810 --> 00:09:27,536
Ooh, I did not have my
selfie game down yet.
245
00:09:27,560 --> 00:09:30,626
These angles are all
really nostril-heavy.
246
00:09:30,650 --> 00:09:33,046
Oh, I found it.
November 2, 2016.
247
00:09:33,070 --> 00:09:35,126
Hey, and I was with you guys.
248
00:09:35,150 --> 00:09:36,216
Aww. Aww.
249
00:09:36,240 --> 00:09:38,596
Yeah. Look how on fleek I was.
250
00:09:38,620 --> 00:09:41,306
I had bangs, and Sam didn't.
251
00:09:41,330 --> 00:09:42,267
Sam's are better.
Sam's are better.
252
00:09:42,291 --> 00:09:44,120
But what happened that night?
253
00:09:45,660 --> 00:09:47,476
Okay, tell me. When I'm
married and have kids,
254
00:09:47,500 --> 00:09:49,606
I can still do four shots of
Jager on a Wednesday, right?
255
00:09:49,630 --> 00:09:50,686
Yeah, 100%. Of course. Yeah.
256
00:09:50,710 --> 00:09:51,936
Right? Nothing's gonna change.
257
00:09:51,960 --> 00:09:53,356
Oh, I'm in that, like,
sweet spot of drunk,
258
00:09:53,380 --> 00:09:55,236
you know? I'm
feeling, like, flirty.
259
00:09:55,260 --> 00:09:57,406
I'm feeling a little
girly, you know?
260
00:09:57,430 --> 00:09:59,526
I think I'm gonna get
somebody's number tonight.
261
00:09:59,550 --> 00:10:00,736
Yeah!
262
00:10:00,760 --> 00:10:03,366
I think it's time to
"shpin" that phone.
263
00:10:03,390 --> 00:10:04,786
Oh. Spin that phone?
Let's spin that phone.
264
00:10:04,810 --> 00:10:05,906
She gonna spin that
phone? Spin that phone?
265
00:10:05,930 --> 00:10:07,166
Let's spin that phone.
Spin that phone.
266
00:10:07,190 --> 00:10:07,957
She gonna spin that
phone. Spin that phone.
267
00:10:07,981 --> 00:10:09,456
Go spin that phone.
268
00:10:09,480 --> 00:10:11,400
She gonna spin that phone.
Gonna spin that phone.
269
00:10:14,230 --> 00:10:16,256
She gonna spin that phone again. Spin
that phone again. Spin that phone again.
270
00:10:16,280 --> 00:10:17,546
She wanna spin that phone again. She gonna
spin that phone again. Spin that phone again.
271
00:10:19,610 --> 00:10:22,466
Yeah.
272
00:10:22,490 --> 00:10:24,216
I think I found my man.
273
00:10:24,240 --> 00:10:26,346
Oh, my God.
274
00:10:26,370 --> 00:10:29,056
That's why TJ's been mad
at me all these years.
275
00:10:29,080 --> 00:10:30,646
I got his number, and I
never called him back.
276
00:10:30,670 --> 00:10:32,106
I broke his heart.
277
00:10:32,130 --> 00:10:34,476
I'm such a hot monster.
278
00:10:34,500 --> 00:10:37,396
Oh, and then years
later, having all of this
279
00:10:37,420 --> 00:10:41,236
just shoved up in
his poor little face?
280
00:10:41,260 --> 00:10:43,640
I'm gonna go apologize.
281
00:10:45,180 --> 00:10:47,786
Okay. Alright.
282
00:10:47,810 --> 00:10:49,666
I just have to say it.
283
00:10:49,690 --> 00:10:53,416
The reason why I
hate your calendar
284
00:10:53,440 --> 00:10:57,586
is because June is the month
of my wedding anniversary.
285
00:10:57,610 --> 00:11:00,426
And that is the last thing
you want to be reminded of
286
00:11:00,450 --> 00:11:02,046
when you are separated.
287
00:11:02,070 --> 00:11:04,176
Oh, my God. Sam, I'm so sorry.
288
00:11:04,200 --> 00:11:07,766
It's okay. I forgive
you. Come here.
289
00:11:07,790 --> 00:11:09,096
Wait a minute.
290
00:11:09,120 --> 00:11:10,596
What?
291
00:11:10,620 --> 00:11:13,056
I wore a wool knit
Mr. Turk to your wedding,
292
00:11:13,080 --> 00:11:15,856
which I would never
wear during the summer.
293
00:11:15,880 --> 00:11:17,896
You didn't get married in June.
294
00:11:17,920 --> 00:11:19,316
Okay, fine! Fine.
295
00:11:19,340 --> 00:11:21,316
I just find the
calendar annoying.
296
00:11:21,340 --> 00:11:23,236
Oh. Well, it is not
half as annoying
297
00:11:23,260 --> 00:11:25,026
as every time you
send an e-mail,
298
00:11:25,050 --> 00:11:27,616
you feel compelled to
say, "Whoosh! Bye-bye."
299
00:11:27,640 --> 00:11:29,076
That is adorable.
300
00:11:29,100 --> 00:11:31,246
It is so not. And
maybe I could handle it
301
00:11:31,270 --> 00:11:32,916
if it weren't for
the hard-boiled eggs
302
00:11:32,940 --> 00:11:35,126
that you shove down your
gullet like a pelican.
303
00:11:35,150 --> 00:11:38,836
News flash, Sam... Nobody likes
food that smells like farts.
304
00:11:38,860 --> 00:11:40,296
Okay. Okay.
305
00:11:40,320 --> 00:11:41,756
What are you doing? No. Yeah.
306
00:11:41,780 --> 00:11:44,046
Ugh. Bleh.
307
00:11:44,070 --> 00:11:45,636
Now it's gonna smell
like that all day.
308
00:11:45,660 --> 00:11:47,136
Oh, I know.
309
00:11:49,910 --> 00:11:52,936
Okay. I remember our elephant.
310
00:11:52,960 --> 00:11:56,606
I asked for your number,
and I never called you.
311
00:11:56,630 --> 00:11:58,896
I'm... I'm really sorry.
312
00:11:58,920 --> 00:12:00,816
What are you talking about?
313
00:12:00,840 --> 00:12:03,026
You're right. Yeah, we
don't have to talk about it.
314
00:12:03,050 --> 00:12:05,116
Yeah. It was a baseball game.
315
00:12:05,140 --> 00:12:07,536
There was a baseball game?
316
00:12:07,560 --> 00:12:09,746
It was Game 7 of
the World Series.
317
00:12:09,770 --> 00:12:11,116
The Cubs were on
the verge of winning
318
00:12:11,140 --> 00:12:14,536
for the first time in 108 years.
319
00:12:14,560 --> 00:12:17,626
Everyone in the bar was watching
the game, except for you.
320
00:12:17,650 --> 00:12:20,376
Oh, my God. You guys, I
forgot that the CMAs are on.
321
00:12:20,400 --> 00:12:22,046
Beyoncé is about to perform
with the Dixie Chicks.
322
00:12:22,070 --> 00:12:23,466
Dennis: What?
323
00:12:23,490 --> 00:12:24,467
But we're never going
to make it home on time
324
00:12:24,491 --> 00:12:26,506
because we have such
bad Uber ratings.
325
00:12:26,530 --> 00:12:27,806
Don't let me pick the music
326
00:12:27,830 --> 00:12:29,346
if you don't want
to hear my falsetto.
327
00:12:29,370 --> 00:12:30,556
Hands off. Okay. Don't worry.
328
00:12:30,580 --> 00:12:32,386
Listen, there's
a TV right there.
329
00:12:32,410 --> 00:12:35,226
Bey is on the way! Ooh!
330
00:12:35,250 --> 00:12:37,226
Bottom of the 10th. Two outs.
331
00:12:37,250 --> 00:12:38,606
Cleveland at bat.
332
00:12:38,630 --> 00:12:41,396
Martinez swings...
333
00:12:41,420 --> 00:12:43,566
Set it and forget it.
Audience: And forget it.
334
00:12:43,590 --> 00:12:45,316
That's if you
followed... What? No!
335
00:12:45,340 --> 00:12:46,486
All the instructional material.
What? What just happened?
336
00:12:46,510 --> 00:12:48,116
I-I'm looking for Beyoncé.
337
00:12:48,140 --> 00:12:49,446
It's only one TV.
338
00:12:49,470 --> 00:12:51,536
Oh.
339
00:12:51,560 --> 00:12:53,246
Okay, so it's all of them.
340
00:12:53,270 --> 00:12:56,126
Who's got the remote?! Whoa.
341
00:12:56,150 --> 00:12:58,036
I just pressed the
wrong button, alright?
342
00:12:58,060 --> 00:12:59,770
I don't work at Radio Shack!
343
00:13:01,070 --> 00:13:02,376
Announcer: And it's over!
344
00:13:02,400 --> 00:13:04,966
The Cubs have just made history!
345
00:13:06,610 --> 00:13:08,846
They're going wild in Chicago.
346
00:13:08,870 --> 00:13:11,346
What a time to be alive.
347
00:13:11,370 --> 00:13:13,346
I pity the loser who missed it.
348
00:13:13,370 --> 00:13:15,766
Nell: Okay, he did not say that.
349
00:13:15,790 --> 00:13:17,556
Well, that's how I remember it.
350
00:13:17,580 --> 00:13:20,476
Mm, you were inebriated?
351
00:13:20,500 --> 00:13:22,186
In a tavern?
352
00:13:22,210 --> 00:13:25,776
You ruined the biggest
moment in Cubs history.
353
00:13:25,800 --> 00:13:28,590
I may have to sit next to you,
but I don't have to like you.
354
00:13:33,180 --> 00:13:35,786
Well, I'm sorry, but
your social faux pas
355
00:13:35,810 --> 00:13:37,916
will be very difficult
to recover from.
356
00:13:37,940 --> 00:13:41,246
Ah, you'll be ostracized
from society for years,
357
00:13:41,270 --> 00:13:43,836
unless... Could you
marry a Kennedy?
358
00:13:43,860 --> 00:13:47,046
Uh... I'm fine. I
can work from here.
359
00:13:47,070 --> 00:13:49,466
The world is my office now.
360
00:13:49,490 --> 00:13:51,466
Ohh.
361
00:13:51,490 --> 00:13:52,806
Ugh.
362
00:13:52,830 --> 00:13:56,096
Alright, well,
hopefully that gum
363
00:13:56,120 --> 00:13:58,306
belonged to someone with
excellent oral hygiene.
364
00:13:58,330 --> 00:13:59,606
Hey! Hey.
365
00:13:59,630 --> 00:14:01,356
What are you, uh...
Whatcha doing out here?
366
00:14:01,380 --> 00:14:02,856
I don't think I can
work next to TJ.
367
00:14:02,880 --> 00:14:04,026
He's a huge Cubs fan,
368
00:14:04,050 --> 00:14:06,316
and it turns out
seven years ago,
369
00:14:06,340 --> 00:14:08,196
I changed the channel in
a World Series game...
370
00:14:08,220 --> 00:14:09,446
Oh, the chickens came on!
371
00:14:10,760 --> 00:14:12,696
Wait, that's what
he's mad about?
372
00:14:12,720 --> 00:14:15,196
That was hilarious. Well,
he doesn't think so.
373
00:14:15,220 --> 00:14:16,826
Yeah, he thinks
I'm kind of awful.
374
00:14:16,850 --> 00:14:20,456
Well, he's wrong. Remember
we got kicked out of the bar,
375
00:14:20,480 --> 00:14:23,376
and then we tried to sneak
back in wearing hats?
376
00:14:23,400 --> 00:14:24,796
Ugh, we almost made it.
377
00:14:24,820 --> 00:14:26,876
But somehow they found
us out. Aah! Aah!
378
00:14:26,900 --> 00:14:28,926
They threw stuff at
us. Aah! Oh! Aah!
379
00:14:28,950 --> 00:14:30,466
Nell: Chicken wings! Aah!
380
00:14:30,490 --> 00:14:33,596
You were so funny that night.
381
00:14:33,620 --> 00:14:36,016
And Dennis saved me.
382
00:14:36,040 --> 00:14:37,436
Do you remember I was wearing
383
00:14:37,460 --> 00:14:40,306
that one off-the-rack
Chanel blouse that I loved?
384
00:14:40,330 --> 00:14:43,226
And he dove in between me
and an incoming hot wing.
385
00:14:44,460 --> 00:14:47,356
He sacrificed his
favorite "On Fleek" shirt.
386
00:14:47,380 --> 00:14:51,366
He took a wing for
me. Mm, Dennis.
387
00:14:51,390 --> 00:14:53,050
I gotta go. Okay.
388
00:14:57,060 --> 00:14:59,956
I know, I know. I'm sure
you're appalled at my behavior.
389
00:14:59,980 --> 00:15:02,836
Well, you are loud and messy
and rude and disgusting.
390
00:15:02,860 --> 00:15:04,296
Well, that... That is me.
391
00:15:04,320 --> 00:15:07,190
But you're also a lot of fun.
392
00:15:08,490 --> 00:15:10,086
You know, Nell,
393
00:15:10,110 --> 00:15:13,296
when that crudité got
stuck in my throat,
394
00:15:13,320 --> 00:15:14,756
I didn't want to draw attention,
395
00:15:14,780 --> 00:15:17,556
so I excused myself
and went outside.
396
00:15:17,580 --> 00:15:19,596
But there was no one
there to help me.
397
00:15:19,620 --> 00:15:23,396
I choked to death on
my own politeness.
398
00:15:23,420 --> 00:15:26,436
Oh, don't be like me, Nell.
399
00:15:26,460 --> 00:15:27,936
You be yourself.
400
00:15:27,960 --> 00:15:30,196
You make as much
noise as you want to.
401
00:15:30,220 --> 00:15:32,616
And if that fella
upstairs doesn't like it,
402
00:15:32,640 --> 00:15:35,366
well, that's his problem.
403
00:15:36,640 --> 00:15:39,576
My. Mary Sue, you are bad.
404
00:15:39,600 --> 00:15:41,496
Just...
405
00:15:50,070 --> 00:15:51,280
I have to show you something.
406
00:15:56,910 --> 00:16:00,846
I've tried to make you like
me, but this is who I am.
407
00:16:00,870 --> 00:16:02,726
I'm messy, and I don't
buy people coffee,
408
00:16:02,750 --> 00:16:05,436
and I kill plants.
And I'm really sorry
409
00:16:05,460 --> 00:16:07,686
that I ruined your
baseball game that night.
410
00:16:07,710 --> 00:16:09,396
And I really hope that
you can accept my apology,
411
00:16:09,420 --> 00:16:12,236
but if you can't, I
think maybe it's best
412
00:16:12,260 --> 00:16:15,236
that you find another
desk to work at.
413
00:16:15,260 --> 00:16:18,036
Alright. Thank you
for that. Mm-hmm.
414
00:16:18,060 --> 00:16:20,116
Oh. You...
415
00:16:22,980 --> 00:16:26,286
Don't let the door hit you
where the Good Lord split you!
416
00:16:26,310 --> 00:16:27,706
Okay, Mary Sue. I'm
going to give you
417
00:16:27,730 --> 00:16:29,336
like 10 minutes to get
it out of your system,
418
00:16:29,360 --> 00:16:31,546
and then I'm going to
send your obituary.
419
00:16:31,570 --> 00:16:33,926
Ooh, well, in that
case... Mm-hmm.
420
00:16:33,950 --> 00:16:36,966
Your tie is hideous.
421
00:16:36,990 --> 00:16:39,386
I don't care that you
didn't use a coaster.
422
00:16:39,410 --> 00:16:41,176
Ah! You just sneezed,
423
00:16:41,200 --> 00:16:43,226
and I'm not going to
say God bless you.
424
00:16:45,040 --> 00:16:46,726
You know, I've
never said it aloud,
425
00:16:46,750 --> 00:16:49,226
but I've always wanted to.
426
00:16:49,250 --> 00:16:51,856
Buttocks! Buttocks!
427
00:16:51,880 --> 00:16:54,776
Buttocks!
428
00:16:54,800 --> 00:16:56,116
I've created a monster.
429
00:16:56,140 --> 00:16:58,406
Dennis, we really need to talk.
430
00:16:58,430 --> 00:17:01,116
Wait, before you
say anything...
431
00:17:01,140 --> 00:17:02,866
I only kept the calendar on June
432
00:17:02,890 --> 00:17:05,746
because the picture
reminds me of us.
433
00:17:05,770 --> 00:17:08,536
What? Look.
434
00:17:08,560 --> 00:17:11,506
I'm the hippo, and you
are the sweet little bird
435
00:17:11,530 --> 00:17:13,296
riding my back into the sunset.
436
00:17:13,320 --> 00:17:15,676
That is actually so sweet.
437
00:17:15,700 --> 00:17:17,596
You always just know what to...
438
00:17:17,620 --> 00:17:19,346
Wait a minute.
439
00:17:19,370 --> 00:17:21,136
I know for a fact
440
00:17:21,160 --> 00:17:23,346
that you remember that
one time we did gummies,
441
00:17:23,370 --> 00:17:26,146
and we discussed in detail
what animals we would be,
442
00:17:26,170 --> 00:17:28,266
and we both said we would be a
443
00:17:28,290 --> 00:17:29,606
pigeon... Pigeon.
444
00:17:29,630 --> 00:17:31,396
Because we belong to the city.
445
00:17:31,420 --> 00:17:33,066
And we are both always
stealing other people's fries.
446
00:17:33,090 --> 00:17:34,986
Yes, I remember.
447
00:17:35,010 --> 00:17:38,906
We are both dirty,
lying little pigeons.
448
00:17:38,930 --> 00:17:41,196
Which is why we are friends.
449
00:17:41,220 --> 00:17:43,036
Come here. Mm.
450
00:17:43,060 --> 00:17:46,166
But we can't work in the
same office together.
451
00:17:46,190 --> 00:17:47,576
Oh, God, no. You're a monster.
452
00:17:51,270 --> 00:17:52,296
Can you come in here real quick?
453
00:17:52,320 --> 00:17:53,796
Trying to kill me?
454
00:17:53,820 --> 00:17:55,046
It's really hard.
Others have tried.
455
00:17:55,070 --> 00:17:57,570
Come on, let's go.
456
00:18:06,790 --> 00:18:09,056
So, I've been thinking about
457
00:18:09,080 --> 00:18:10,686
how I missed the end of
the Cubs game that night.
458
00:18:10,710 --> 00:18:12,476
Oh, my God. Dude...
459
00:18:12,500 --> 00:18:16,196
And I realized I didn't stop
to think about what you missed.
460
00:18:16,220 --> 00:18:18,196
Picture this.
461
00:18:18,220 --> 00:18:20,866
November 2, 2016.
462
00:18:20,890 --> 00:18:23,286
Beyoncé and the Dixie
Chicks take the stage.
463
00:18:23,310 --> 00:18:26,956
The nation holds their
breath, and then...
464
00:18:26,980 --> 00:18:29,456
Set it and forget it.
Audience: And forget it.
465
00:18:29,480 --> 00:18:32,086
That's if you followed all
the instructional material.
466
00:18:32,110 --> 00:18:34,626
You know, there are so
many people out there...
467
00:18:34,650 --> 00:18:38,796
Okay. I can see how painful
it is from the other side.
468
00:18:38,820 --> 00:18:40,846
But I still maintain
it is funny.
469
00:18:40,870 --> 00:18:43,256
You're right, it is.
470
00:18:43,280 --> 00:18:45,056
But I couldn't see it back then.
471
00:18:45,080 --> 00:18:47,056
I'd just moved to
town for this job,
472
00:18:47,080 --> 00:18:50,056
and I didn't know anyone
or have any friends.
473
00:18:50,080 --> 00:18:52,266
But I thought if
my Cubs could win,
474
00:18:52,290 --> 00:18:55,276
then maybe I could
turn it around, too.
475
00:18:55,300 --> 00:18:58,316
And it looked good.
The Cubs were up,
476
00:18:58,340 --> 00:18:59,856
a pretty girl just
asked for my number...
477
00:18:59,880 --> 00:19:01,446
I knew you remembered that.
478
00:19:04,010 --> 00:19:06,036
But I missed the
end of the game.
479
00:19:06,060 --> 00:19:08,706
And things kept sucking.
480
00:19:08,730 --> 00:19:11,706
And it was the loneliest
year of my life,
481
00:19:11,730 --> 00:19:15,126
and I blamed it all on you.
482
00:19:15,150 --> 00:19:16,666
And that wasn't fair.
483
00:19:19,070 --> 00:19:21,426
I've been in many a tailspin.
484
00:19:21,450 --> 00:19:24,506
I get it.
485
00:19:24,530 --> 00:19:26,466
Yeah, buy me one of
those chicken roasters,
486
00:19:26,490 --> 00:19:28,806
and I'll forgive you.
487
00:19:28,830 --> 00:19:31,226
Uh...
488
00:19:31,250 --> 00:19:34,356
I'm not gonna do that.
489
00:19:34,380 --> 00:19:36,356
Then I guess you're just gonna
have to live with my wrath
490
00:19:36,380 --> 00:19:38,936
next to you in a
cubicle forever.
491
00:19:38,960 --> 00:19:40,446
I guess so.
492
00:19:42,840 --> 00:19:45,076
Attention, employees!
493
00:19:45,100 --> 00:19:46,946
Apparently you're all unhappy,
494
00:19:46,970 --> 00:19:48,786
and apparently I care.
495
00:19:48,810 --> 00:19:51,116
You want ergonomic chairs.
You want childcare.
496
00:19:51,140 --> 00:19:54,626
You want two-ply toilet paper.
Well, I can't do it all.
497
00:19:54,650 --> 00:19:57,530
So what's one thing I can do
that will make you all happy?
498
00:19:59,360 --> 00:20:02,886
I'll say it, I don't care.
This overcrowding sucks ass.
499
00:20:02,910 --> 00:20:04,346
Person: Yeah. Thank you, Tina.
500
00:20:04,370 --> 00:20:07,136
It is refreshing to
finally hear the truth.
501
00:20:07,160 --> 00:20:09,136
And I would love to
not sit on the floor.
502
00:20:09,160 --> 00:20:11,136
Oh, enough, Cheryl.
Woman: Yeah, Cheryl.
503
00:20:11,160 --> 00:20:12,646
Alright. Does everyone agree
504
00:20:12,670 --> 00:20:14,766
that the current
situation is not ideal?
505
00:20:14,790 --> 00:20:17,396
- Mm-hmm.
- Yes.
506
00:20:17,420 --> 00:20:20,316
Very well. Then I shall
un-merge the floors.
507
00:20:20,340 --> 00:20:23,066
Go back to whence you came.
508
00:20:23,090 --> 00:20:24,776
Thank you.
509
00:20:27,010 --> 00:20:28,736
Is it weird that
we're clapping for her
510
00:20:28,760 --> 00:20:30,866
because she undid the terrible
thing she did this morning?
511
00:20:30,890 --> 00:20:32,496
Just about as weird as
someone who's obsessed
512
00:20:32,520 --> 00:20:34,496
with a three-year-old calendar.
513
00:20:34,520 --> 00:20:35,876
That's fair. Mm.
514
00:20:35,900 --> 00:20:37,036
I'm going to take the plant.
515
00:20:37,060 --> 00:20:38,956
It's from the ladies' room.
516
00:20:38,980 --> 00:20:40,456
Yeah, I know.
517
00:20:42,740 --> 00:20:44,966
See you around, Chicken Girl.
518
00:20:44,990 --> 00:20:46,506
Only if you're lucky.
519
00:20:46,530 --> 00:20:47,530
Get that...
520
00:20:50,830 --> 00:20:53,886
Could you... Can you... Oh...
521
00:20:53,910 --> 00:20:55,936
Nell, you said you were going
to recycle all your old phones.
522
00:20:55,960 --> 00:20:57,856
Show me one more time.
523
00:20:57,880 --> 00:20:59,686
Look, all your
photos and memories
524
00:20:59,710 --> 00:21:02,356
are right here on the Cloud,
including hundreds of selfies
525
00:21:02,380 --> 00:21:03,986
of you seeing if there's
food in your teeth.
526
00:21:04,010 --> 00:21:05,220
Okay? Okay.
527
00:21:08,470 --> 00:21:09,736
Are you sure
they're still there?
528
00:21:09,760 --> 00:21:12,326
Ugh. Uh, okay, just checking.
529
00:21:12,350 --> 00:21:13,906
Oh, but what about
on a clear day?
530
00:21:13,930 --> 00:21:15,456
It's not a literal cloud...
531
00:21:15,480 --> 00:21:17,166
Oh. Jokes?
532
00:21:17,190 --> 00:21:20,626
Yeah, totally. Duh.
533
00:21:20,650 --> 00:21:21,980
Give me my phones.
39776
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