All language subtitles for Miss.Shampoo.2023.1080p.WEBRip.x264.AAC5.1-[YTS.MX]

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Zheng Xuxiang is stepping to the plate.

His incredible performance
has attracted attention in Japan,

not just with one,
but multiple pro teams.

These bangs are a perfect look
for a slugger like me.

Nah, stop exaggerating.

Give me the kind of haircut

that can make me smash more home runs.

Let me think.

Why are you still cutting?

I take things one snip at a time.

So? Is this the kind of look you want?

Absolutely.

Xuxiang, there's something
I've been wanting to tell you.

Just hear me out.

Every time someone is on base

and it's two strikes, three balls,

your posture is always off a little.

Wouldn't tucking your elbow in a bit

be better?

He connects on the pitch.

Lands in the outfield, it's a hit!

The ball rolls to the wall.

The outfielder gets to the ball.

Zheng is heading for third. Safe!

Bastard, where are you going?

Kill him!

Who are you?

Life and death

are determined by fate.

Fuck you.

Speak… Mandarin…

Where's the other one?

What do you want?

Damn, it's not him.

Bottom of the third, one out.
One ball, no strikes.

Rakuten leads 1-0.

Here's the pitch.

-Found him?
-Where is he?

Don't see him.

This is…

a great drink.

TAI

Boss Hsing.

Boss Chuan.

Chuan is paying his respects,
despite his busy schedule.

May Hsing in heaven also bless Chuan's…

-Construction company.
-Bless his construction company

with good business and safe passage.

-Oh.
-Oh.

Tai.

I heard you got knifed 3 times in the gut.
I want to see it.

Let me take a look.

-The fuck?
-100,000 for a look.

-I have it.
-That's for each stab, 300,000 in total.

Boss North.
This is not the time or place. Cut it out.

Apologies… My bad.

Sorry…

Apologies…

Here, please step aside.

Tai.

I heard your boss even
got his nose sliced off.

But look at you.

All in one piece.

Well done.

You must be super thick-skinned.

This is my friend's clinic.

Bad breath specialist.

Stinky mouth.

Bad breath?

Here, put it away.

Put it away.

I remember you.

The ED clinic!

I don't have erectile dysfunction!

The police chief is here. Stop it!

The chief is here!

It's been three days.

How come we've heard nothing?

They purposely hired random Thai killers.

We know what that means.

They've probably left the country.

You'll never find them.

There's no conclusive evidence.

Just be more direct then.

More direct?

That would be guns blazing.

In our world, we must be more tactful.

Hsing's assassination

pleases whom the most?

Who does it benefit?

Who does it benefit?

Are you saying I killed my own boss?

Tai, Boss North wasn't pointing at you.

Your boss had a lot of business.
Many people wanted his position.

As for finding the killer,

you can't just look outside.

Be wary of your own people.

Yes…

Hsing may be gone,

but the urban renewals
you're all involved in…

are still ongoing, right?

If there are delays

that affect the election,
it'll be a big problem.

When Hsing died,

did he say anything?

"Fuck.

Fuck you. Motherfucker."

-"Fuck you, motherfucker."
-OK…

Your boss used to

take you with him everywhere.

Starting from next month,

Hsing's operations

will be your responsibility.

Will that be a problem?

Your scalp is red.
Have you been staying up late?

Too much work at month-end.

Do you want to try our new

Missa rose oil shampoo
to repair and hydrate--

No, thank you.

Actually, we use 2,500 roses
to extract 1 ml of essential oil--

No, thank you.

-Anything else?
-No, thank you.

Are you in charge here?

Wash and cut.

Are you a gangster?

We're "brothers."

They call me an "assistant stylist."

It sounds more respectful.

But I'm really just a hair washer,

so just call me that.

Just admit you're gangsters.

-And?
-Get out unless you're getting a haircut.

Who'd dare come in here
with so many gangsters around?

Anything else?

Is there anything else?

Could Boss be…

smitten?

Ugly chick.

How would you like your haircut today?

Just a trim?

Fen isn't

a proper hairdresser yet,

so I'll be serving you today.

As long as you've thought it through.

Fen.

You didn't even ask me first.

I take things one snip at a time.

Thanks for the other night.

I actually came to say thanks.

OK.

If you ever need anything,

you can Line me.

I mean if you need me, just Line me.

Why would I need you?

If you don't want to pay back
some money you owe.

If…

your neighbors are humping at midnight,

if someone sends you hell money,

or if your ex uses nude photos

to force you to have breakup sex.

In these situations,

you can Line me.

TAI

Jay Chou.

ZHENG XUXIANG

MEI-MAN'S SALON

It's your fault!
You kept talking to me.

I couldn't concentrate.

I already told you
I take things one snip at a time.

Didn't I say that?

I said it three times!

We don't take credit cards,

or provide receipts

or accept bad reviews.

He has no hair!

What about this?

Get up!

Copy his movements

Get up.

-We're talking to you.
-Get up.

Copy his movements.

Hello!

No!

Don't be afraid.

Stop this shit right now!

You guys just cause trouble all day.

Hello.

We're looking for our boss's killer.

If you think of anything, call me.

THANKS FOR YOUR HELP

I don't refund.

Look at this haircut.

There's no warranty?

What did you buy?

Orange sauce pork ribs.

You like this dish?

No, that's all they had left.

Why are you eating so late?

Sorry.

Why are you apologizing?

Sorry…

I'm Fishy.

Fishy.

Long Legs.

Long Legs.

Bryan.

Bryan, not Bu-lai-yan.

Long Legs.

Bu-lai-yan.

Bryan.

Fishy.

Long Legs.

Bryan.

Fishy.

Fishy.

Long Legs.

Brainless.

Bryan!

Long Legs.

Little Fishy.

Big Fishy!

You specifically

booked my service?

What's your name?

Why do you ask?

If you give me another bad cut, I'll…

Fine.

My name is Fen.

Are you a righteous gangster?
Like that Michael Corleone.

That's awkward.

Everybody has more or less
done something bad.

Not me.

Never killed anyone?

Never hit a teacher?

Never shit in bed?

I stare at my phone
when crossing the street.

Listen, being a "brother" ain't that easy.

When something goes wrong,
you get a call.

If you can't fix it,

underlings have to draw straws,

and the unluckiest one

has to sacrifice 8 to 10 years--

Bosses like you are terrible.

Only a boss who shoulders responsibility

is worthy of being called "boss."

If you had never been a scapegoat,
how would you be promoted or be a boss?

If scapegoating for the boss
could make me a stylist,

that would be too easy.

I want to be a stylist,

so I can work in a chain salon.

Before that, who knows
how much hair I have to cut?

Being born pretty is useless.

Business is slow and I'm the newbie.

Mannequin heads are so expensive too.

I've been washing hair for years. Wash…

Fishy, Long Legs, Bryan.

Long Legs, Bryan, Fishy.

Bryan, Long Legs.

Bryan, Long Legs…

Long Legs, Bryan…

Guan.

Guan.

I love it.

Shut up!

I want Fen.

How would you like…

-Whatever!
-I want Fen!

I'm in a rush!

I want Fen!

Thanks, Miss Fen! I love it!

I want Fen!

Thank you, Miss Fen. I love it.

Boys.

Your hair is too long.

Not cool.

NO.3 - FEN

Miss Fen.

Fen, get out here!

Fen.

-Fen.
-Which one?

Where's Fen?

I asked for Fen!

Fen, get out here!

Fen!

Thank you, Miss Fen!

I love it!

This is what I want.

Thank you, Miss Fen! I love it!

We have all kinds of scissors.

From 4.5 to 7 inches, we've got it all.

And they're made in Taiwan.

Orange sauce pork ribs.

Orange sauce pork ribs.

Orange sauce pork ribs.

As close as you can.

I don't do close.

TAI

Tai.

I've discussed it with Bryan.

To make people more scared of us,

how about we combine
the four top generals in our company,

to create a public image?

For instance,

the Four Pillars of the Sanlu Society.

Dragon, Lion, Tiger, Leopard.

Four pillars my ass.

Boss, you're Dragon.

Long Legs can be Lion.

I'll be Tiger.

Bryan is Leopard.

Together, we are
the Four Pillars of Sanlu.

Dragon Pillar! Lion Pillar!

Tiger Pillar! Leopard Pillar!

Leopard Pillar?

Besides, there are the Seven Heroes.

Then the 18 Bronzemen,
based on fighting record.

Win fights, rise up the ranks.

I want to be Dragon.

I'm the boss.

I'm the Dragon.

I only want Dragon. Nothing else.

Let Boss be Dragon.

I only want Dragon.

Make it Monkey, Rooster, Dog, Pig.

No Dragon for anyone.

Dragon my ass.

Excuse me.

-Two red beans and milk shaved ice.
-Miss Fen!

Miss Fen, come here.

Miss Fen, come.

Sit over here.

No, I have to bring these back.

It tastes better melted.

Come on.

All right.

A seat for you, come on.

Nice.

Eat more.

Eat more.

Very tasty, very nutritious.

This pudding is good for you.

You always bring a gang to eat with you?

No, Tai's killer is still on the run,
so we work over-time.

Such a scaredy-cat. It's daytime.

Why won't you let me cut hair?

Like that?

Like what?

It's perfect.

Fen, give our boss
a mean-looking haircut later.

It'll come in handy at night.

Miss Fen, do you know
why "brothers" love tattoos?

Because we're always
hacking at each other.

Severed limbs everywhere.

Everyone crawls around,
looking for their hand.

A tattoo helps you find the right one.

Like a puzzle.

A puzzle.

He's being dramatic.

Dramatic? I'm not.

Fishy.

Look, first time.

Second time.

Third time!

Don't worry.

We'll send him to his grave today.

Boss North is so outrageous.

Touching titties
without paying is bad enough,

he even brought underlings with STDs.

Our hostesses have no insurance,

catching STDs would be so annoying.

I'm gonna chop off someone's dick tonight.

Just don't know whose yet.

So fierce.

Just go like this.

Hostesses with clients are "ladies."
Otherwise, "grannies"!

Grannies!

Who will pay me for touching me all over?

Shameless. Touched titties for free.

But I didn't get a hard-on!

Stop smiling about it.

You know nothing.

You're a boss.

Head of the gang.

You should take Fen
to visit your businesses.

The casino,
to prove you're rolling in money.

The organic shrimp farm,

to show you care about health.

Feed the shrimp one corpse a day.

Lastly, the main point.

When you take Fen home,

we'll send a few brothers
with their faces covered.

They'll come at you!

Great plan.

Boss said great plan.

But don't be too good at fighting.

You must get hurt a bit,

so Fen will take you home,

tend to your wounds,

rub you up and down, and then…

Touch and feel.

Touch and feel.

Next, run to the toilet and drink this.

Not the blue pill?

Drinking absorbs much faster.

Natural hornet formula.

Contains no aspirin or steroids.

In 10 minutes after drinking,
you must ejaculate.

If not, you will be awake for a week.

After that,
you'll fall asleep for a whole week

and have wet dreams while sleepwalking.

Very scary.

What?

Wet dreams and sleepwalking.

What the hell?

Tai, managing casinos and clubs,

threats, extortion and brutal kidnapping,

I'll follow your lead.

For hitting on girls,

listen to the Ko Kai of Sanchong.

Invite Fen to dinner.

Nothing exorbitant.

Go somewhere classy.

Xinyi Eslite, level 6.

When eating,

don't say a word.

Your eyes should look only into her eyes

and nothing else.

-What and what you?
-Shh!

Shh…

Only kids go watch movies on dates,

play a claw crane
and hang out at McDonald's.

On adult dates,

you sleep together.

Yes, sleep together.

But for this first time,

don't take her to a love hotel.

Tell Fen,

"As a boss,

I can't give away where I live.

But if one day,

I get stabbed and hospitalized,

I still hope someone

can water my plants at home.

Can

you

do me a favor?"

Do me a favor…

When you get home,

do what you have to do.

I don't need to say anymore.

-I've screwed more than--
-Stick this under your navel.

Latest German tech.

Absorbs into the skin.

No harm to liver or kidneys.

Effects last until no longer adhesive.

-If you peel it off?
-Soft dong.

If you don't?

All night long!

You animal.

Are you thinking

what I'm thinking?

Of course, what else could it be?

Are you free tonight?

A baseball game?
Then go to my place to water plants.

How did you know I love baseball?

Look.

I've been a fan of Zheng Xuxiang forever!

Since his very first game,

I've been collecting his news clippings.

No one loves him more than I do.

I did notice he has a little weakness,

but I'm afraid to write to him.

Oh, no. I have to work
with my boyfriend tonight.

So annoying!
I haven't gone to a game in ages.

You know I never eat popcorn?
It's so greasy…

I have to
work with my boyfriend tonight…

The lizard people eat people.

But they have advanced tech

and special powers…

The lizard people.

This is all Anunnaki's fault.

Anunnaki has always been behind it all.

The deep state.

Blame America.

That's why curriculum becomes a dispute.

Textbooks are just mass brainwashing.

You think lizard people are savage.

but they're more advanced than us.

My turn.

Everybody.

Concealed hand, self-draw.

Four blessings,
mixed pure hand, all pungs.

Flower kong, 6 times consecutive dealer.

Let's just cap it at 100 points!

One hundred points!

This one,
tried to pass off five dots as four dots.

Copying movies.

This one, tried to pass off two as three.

How can two become three?

-You can do that?
-Like that.

You're dead.

What's up with gramps today?

Jerking off again.

Gramps, don't make me cut it off.

Stop it.
Call his daughter to take him home.

Boss.

What are we doing with these two?

Have you all eaten?

It's not that.

These two were cheating.

What boss means is
beat the shit out of them!

A loophole in public security.

Tai, how many?

-What?
-Chop off how many?

six-six-six, that's 18.

Eighteen divided by two.

Eight fingers.

Sounds a bit off.

Of course.

Eighteen means ten and eight.

You eight, you ten.

Divided by two is nine!
Should be nine each!

-Sorry!
-Ten for you!

Whatever Boss says, goes.

Chop!

Wacko.

Hold still!

What a joke.

Enough!

Thank you, please come again.

Be careful.

Give me your hand.

Want to come later?

It's OK, you guys go.

Don't ride too fast.

Bye.

What's wrong?

What? Are you mad?

You're so late.

They decided to go to karaoke.
You know what it's like.

You could've taken me with you.

You have nothing in common with them.

Who was that girl?

She's my immediate junior.

Immediate junior?

What does that mean? A subordinate?

She's a new student.

I have to look after her.

Please. By not taking her back to dorm

I'm not fulfilling my duties.

Look after her…

I'll only look after you, OK?

-It's your turn to work.
-All right.

Got a customer.

Unleaded 95, full tank.

Miss Fen!

-It's you guys.
-Miss Fen.

My immediate juniors.

Miss Fen.

Is this your…

My boyfriend.

College student?

Graduate student.

What's the big deal about that?

Graduate student.

Add me on Line.

Come to me if needed.

I'm Bryan,

not Bu-lai-yan.

-See ya, Miss Fen.
-Bye!

Let's go!

Hi, Mr. Long Legs.

Wanna know

where the Thais who killed your boss live?

Assemble five guys. Be ready.

Look up!

Hold them down.

Boss!

Boss, this way.

Mind your own business.

I quit smoking.

Did you hire someone to kill me?

I run a hotel here.
What the guests do is not my concern.

Don't blame it on me.

Thai guys lived here for months.

When did you start to deal with Thais?

Why would I turn down their money?

Who else did they do business with?

You know who comes in and out of here.

Thai guys give me money

and hire our hostesses.

Why would I kick them out?

Boss, don't waste your breath.

Boss.

I'll turn 18 in two weeks.

Please give me a chance.

Boss.

I'll turn 43 in two months.

Give me a chance.

Household trash.

You can't throw out trash now!

That's not allowed!

Pick it up!

Pick up your trash!

Pick it up now!

Pick it up!

Don't litter!

Stop it.

Long Legs, don't be mad.

I told you that Boss Tung
is an old friend from back in Shenzhen.

When a Big Circle Gang member
pinned me to the ground,

he took a knife for me,
otherwise I'd be dead.

What's wrong with you?

Kill his whole family if he's the one!
At least scare him!

What are you afraid of?

Listen to yourself.

Why are you the boss after Hsing's death?

Step down if you won't avenge him!

I never said that.

He doesn't control

the Thais who lived here.

By the way,
I prayed at the Guanyin temple yesterday.

Revenge? You only want to screw Fen!

Keep praying!

SANLONG GAS STATION

We've been dealing with urban renewals
around the night market for ages.

Since we each own a project,

shall we unify the conditions?

Unify…

We've been placating residents
for over a decade.

Hsing already sorted out
property reallocation.

You guys can sort out your own stuff.

Tai.

The conditions you set
had to be renegotiated on our projects.

If not done before the election,
the pressure is on everyone.

Yeah, Tai.

Sometimes it's not just about you.

My boss and your boss are hopeless, no?

Meddling in urban renewals,

it's slow and bad for our image.

But my boss is better than yours.

He lets me handle the company accounts.

I put the money into crypto,

upped the leverage,

and multiplied it.

Wanna add me on Line?

We can look into NFTs.

You expect to placate owners
with shitty conditions.

Some gangsters are looked down upon

because they're too greedy.

If Hsing were still here,

-you wouldn't even be--
-Talking big,

but have you found Hsing's killer yet?

Listen to me,

Hsing was killed
because his urban renewal project

has different conditions to ours.

What are you saying?

Either you did it,

or you did it.

It couldn't be me.

If this were a movie,

you'd be the prime suspect.

Tai.

How about selling your projects to me
at a 40% discount,

and I'll renegotiate
with the owners myself?

Yeah,

why didn't I think of that?

How about you sell yours to me
at half price?

Half price?

Count me in too then.

-Hello?
-We have a problem.

-Got one of Tai's guys.
-At my joint?

Fen's boyfriend.

-Ya, want a discount?
-Who?

One of Tai's guys!

Tai!

-Speak up.
-It's…

-Whose guy?
-A long story.

He says he knows
Tai's henchman Bu-lai-yan.

I owe you one.

What do you mean you owe me one?

Don't fall on your way out.

Go handle it.

Remember you owe me. Tai.

You wasted our whole night.

and you expect us to let him go
with one phone call?

Ridiculous.

I'm inside, Boss.

-He's inside.
-Boss.

Boss… I was tricked.

This is my boss, Tai.

Hi, Boss Tai.

Bryan.

Boss Tai.

Guo.

Boss Tai.

I really didn't know
that girl would be trouble.

I found her on Tinder.

Based on her profile,
I thought there wouldn't be any problems.

Who knew? Halfway through,

a bunch of gangsters charged in,

and said she's underage.

My God.

A 17-year-old can consent. I checked.

It's legal at 16, really.

But they insisted that

they were cultivating her
for their business,

and now they couldn't
auction her virginity.

Boss Tai, she isn't a virgin.

-I promise she's not.
-Google "badger game."

First page, Wikipedia entry.

Yes.

I suspected it was a badger game, but…

I didn't want them to beat me even more.

I often get Fen to cut my hair.

Boss Tai, I'm so sorry.

I told her many times,
she has no talent as a hairdresser.

She could be colorblind,
always dyes hair odd colors.

This is exactly what I wanted.

I think it looks great, Tai.

Actually,

I was like you when I was younger.

My old playboy lifestyle

was indeed exciting.

When a "brother"

screws only one woman,

he gets teased for being pussy-whipped.

But think about it, sometimes,

we miss out on a lot too.

I didn't used to think of it much.

But now it's
the most important thing to me…

Why am I even telling you this?

No.

You made a good point.

Truly.

Even if I am beaten to death tonight,
I deserve it.

But,

I want to tell Fen before I die,

"Sorry. I love you."

If possible,

I want to go back to the day we met.

Stop time.

At that moment it rained.

Boss.

Will you, A,

tell him to never see Fen again,

or B,

ask him to protect Fen from now on,

and not cheat on her?

B.

Boss, what's our faith being a gangster?

What faith?

We're bad
because being good made us unhappy!

Fine, you're my boss.

If you want to play nice, then B it is.

But we all care about Fen.

She's my assigned stylist too.

I choose C!

I choose C too!

What the fuck are you two saying?

That guy's hair

wasn't cut by Fen.

Hair.

I shouldn't ask
an ignorant person like you. Sorry.

Fuck! C.

Sorry. I'm really sorry--

How dare you mistreat my stylist.

Hold him down.

I'll call the cops!

What's going on?

They're exercising.

Smash you to smithereens.

Right now, Guo is just…

not thinking straight.

Tell him to come over for dinner.

With a lavish banquet,
you'll make up in no time.

It's impossible.

Why is it impossible?

You're not even trying.

It's just impossible.

I'm telling you as a mother.

Guo is so well-educated.

Professors, graduate research
are all beyond our understanding.

So be more thoughtful.

Stop whining about
how he has no time for you.

Guo said he's a graduate student.

He can't be with someone
graduating from vocational school like me.

He says he won't grow.

Fuck, what did he say?

He won't grow!

-Stop eavesdropping!
-What?

You should have
pushed me harder at school.

Happy childhood is vital.

But I'm not happy now!

You were happy three days ago.

Grow up happily!

-Hao!
-Hao!

Opening the door happily!

What do you want?

Hi, I'm looking for Fen.

Fen.

Why are you here?

The old ladies at the salon said
you got dumped.

I'm here to sign up.

Excuse me. May I ask,

Tai,

what do you do?

Just a bit of this and that.

It's complicated.

-I'm a "brother."
-Mafia.

You must have

your own ineffable difficulties.

Having no choice

is just an excuse for misdeeds.

Every line of work
has its own "dark side."

Being a "brother" is no exception.

Movies are misleading,

depicting us as killers and arsonists.

We actually work very hard to make money.

What do you actually do to make money?

-Reading.
-Yes.

Study criminal law.

-Yes.
-All kinds of wicked things.

I'm just kidding.

If you don't mind me asking,

have you killed anyone?

Not this week.

As a "brother"… One,

I don't rape.

Two,

I don't sell fake watches.

Three,

I don't traffic people to Cambodia.

Four, I don't screw my boss's woman.

Five,

I always pay my hookers.

Six,

If Fen sticks with me,

I won't let you lose face.

I swear on my dick…

The fact that Tai

became a boss at such a young age

shows he must be quite self-motivated.

His boss was killed abruptly.

By him?

No.

He almost died that day too.

They just kill.
Whoever survives gets to become boss.

Will he suddenly die too?

He prays at temples.

But he's a gangster.

You're not scared?

I pray at temples too.

But,

if you break up,
will he become a crazy ex?

A gangster crazy ex

might be scarier than an ordinary one.

You need to bear that in mind.

Don't get your whole family killed.

MURDERER

Gramps.

Gramps, stop jerking off.

All day long.

Once I become the boss,

I will get rid of this junk.

This car

should not be underrated.

Since I joined the Sanlu Society
at age 16,

it has seen eight bosses.

All died in different ways.

One died from random gunfire.

One was chopped into bits.

Another one was thrown
from the 35th floor.

But…

none of them died in this car.

This car

can be our Sanlu's…

Where did you graduate?

Gangsters don't need to graduate.

-I just chose C in all my exams.
-I always chose C too!

But,

not for every question.

Only the ones I couldn't do.

When did you start liking me?

I just do.

But I don't know if I like you yet.

Please. I'm probably
more popular than you.

A lot of girls have a crush on me.

They gather at my front door every day,

saying I'm their Andy Lau.

Really? Why?

-I'm a great singer.
-Seriously.

I really am a great singer.

How about we make love later?

So I'll know if you like me

or just like to bang me.

How about we make love later?

Make love…

I'll know if I already like you
without realizing it.

Make love…

Just like in a Korean drama.

Too soon?

About your question,

as a healthy, vigorous man,

I of course look forward to
this wonderful moment,

especially with you,

a modern woman with traditional values.

I hope our first time

will be hot and intense,

so that

both of us

will enjoy the utmost pleasure.

If possible,

I hope you give me two or three more days,

-giving you a most--
-You coward!

Go to hell!

Boss.

I think,

you should immediately,

right now…

Go fuck Miss Fen.

Ok, I choose C.

Gangsters are nothing!

This one life, I'm ready to end it.

-It's not that, uncle.
-What then?

Fen wanted to make love.

But I thought

I needed time to consider.

She ran off, I didn't know what to do.

-Please let me in?
-Why?

-To fuck--
-What the fuck for?

-What for?
-No one wants to fuck you!

Thank you, uncle.

Wait.

Is it a good dick?

Depends on your definition.

It used to be a naughty dick, but…

Will it give my daughter STDs?

No…

When you go upstairs later,

be gentle.

Don't hurt my daughter.

My motto happens to be

"Firm but gentle."

Be hard yet soft.

Thank you, Auntie.

Last month's

latest

German tech.

I'M SO LUCKY TO FIND MY MR. PERFECT

What kind of person barges in to a house

asking to make love?

We could go elsewhere.

I know a lot of motels

that have fun sex toys.

You want us to go somewhere else?

My dad has already turned up the TV.

You coward.

What a great dad.

Wait!

Here…

See this line here?

No.

You smell so nice.

Wait! Get off.

Get off.

Back up.

Back up.

Back up more.

Squat.

Squat.

Launch!

Wait!

My mom wanted me to ask,

if I dump you,
will you become a crazy ex?

I'm crazy now.

Be serious!

If I dump you one day,

you can't kill my entire family.

Understand?

Regardless of

my old experiences with

hand jobs,

blowjobs,

tongue jobs,

tit jobs,

temperature play,

rim jobs,

pop rocks jobs,

Fan Thanksgiving,

gangbangs…

Those were some wild days.

"Backdoor Straw."

"Full Body Lick."

"Cowgirl Style."

It's all in the past.

Starting from today,

my dick…

only belongs to you.

For the rest of my life,

I will do only you.

What a tense moment.

Here comes the pitch.

He connects!

Still flying.

What an explosion!

To the heavens!

I fear you are out of my league

Given the chance
Would you dare bewitch me?

A symbol of love
Your name engraved on my chest

Too many past loves
That's why I'm all tatted up

I take a deep breathe and exhale

Putting in effort for you

You can inflate me, I'll be your toy

Even if I'm not worthy of you

I wanna be where you are

Shut the door, just the two of us

What flows out is not tears
But my love for you

I know I'm not worthy of a love like this

I wanna try, a chance to do you once

I wanna understand
Experience what it's like

Give you the best of what I have…

Uncle.

This is good stuff.

It has everything.

-Uncle, cheers.
-Here.

I secretly run a background check on you

Never expecting you train
Your waist strength

To be honest
I also take classes at the gym

Let me do you anytime, anywhere

I just wanna give it all, in the car

Or underneath the car, you know

I just wanna spoil you shamelessly

Make your bush vibrate, you know

I wanna go to that place

Shut the door, just the two of us

What flows out is not tears
But my love for you

Do do do for life, do only you

I just wanna do do do, do only you

Do do do for life…

If I get bullied,
can I say I know Dragon Pillar Tai?

A real man,

handles his own problems.

What if I was trapped by a mob?

You must've done something wrong or weird.

I… They didn't believe
I know Dragon Pillar Tai.

A crowd beat me up until you show up.

What was your tone like?

Fuck you all!

Come fight! I know Dragon Pillar Tai!

Fen!

Need help with the dishes?

You said I'm your one and only,

Is that true?

Of course.

Unless someone points a gun at me,

forcing me to fuck a woman.

I'll only fuck you for all my life.

Even if someone points a gun at you,

why do you have to bang her?

Nah.

Even if there's a bazooka aimed at me,

and I'm ordered to fuck another woman,

I wouldn't do it.

Idiot.

Surely you'd have to do it or you'd die.

Just think about me when you do it.

How else can you come back

and take care of me?

OK.

If the time comes,

I shall do it reluctantly,

and when I ejaculate,

it won't come from the heart.

Don't put heart into it.

I promise it'll be very fake.

Sorry.

I have one question.

How can a guy

fake an ejaculation?

Heading to Japan to challenge myself
is a great opportunity.

Look, if Xuxiang goes to Japan,

I bet he won't last long.

Yeah, no one does that at 30 years old.

Scouts will figure him out.
He'll be done at WBC.

A dragon in Taiwan, a worm in Japan!

What's wrong with 30?

He's just that good.

I hope every time
I swing the bat in Japan,

I'm living up to
all my hard work in Taiwan.

Fen!

Isn't this a date?

They all wanted to watch the game.

Miss Fen!

I doubt any of you watch baseball games.

Shameless.

Boss. NFTs are blowing up.

Guess how much I've made?

Stop that shit.

When you're the boss,
you can do whatever you want.

You are not dead yet.

-Don't jinx it!
-Don't jinx it!

I'm telling you.

It's hard for me to die.

I reckon I'll live a long life.

Will you starve if you quit the gang?

What?

Are you starting to dislike me?

No. You can hang with them
even if you quit being the boss.

I can still cut everybody's hair.

Miss Fen, don't think like that.

It happened today.

Our shop in Sanchong
was trashed by a bunch of wackos.

It was a huge mess.

Many hostesses got hurt.

-We nearly…
-So that was close!

Watch where you're going!

What? Are you gangsters?

-What if we are?
-Who do you roll with?

You tarnish pro baseball! Get lost!

-Gambling out!
-What's with the aggression?

Violent gangsters!

You're a stain on pro baseball!

You're not welcome here!

Get the fuck out!

Get lost!

Miss Fen, I'm telling you,

you'll be so shocked that

your bra will fly off.

Marriage proposal?

I warn you, I won't say yes.

Sorry, Miss Fen.

I'm going home.

Don't go…

Miss Fen, it'll be fun. Come on.

Come in.

Miss Fen is here!

ZHENG XUXIANG

What are you doing, Tai?

You dare touch my woman?

Hi Ma'am.
Zheng Xuxiang reporting for duty!

Are you surprised? Are you shocked?

Tai, listen to me.

When I come back from Japan
and have nothing to do,

take me in as your underling.

Zheng Xuxiang and I are childhood friends.

Zheng Xuxiang!

It's new.

Just signed.

What did you say?

Shush. My woman is doling out her wisdom.

You people drive the audience away
from pro games!

I forgot I hate people like you!

Gamble however you want.

Don't mess with baseball! Fuck!

No, Ma'am.

Tai and I are…

And you.

I really regret it.

Miss Fen, Mr. Zheng rushed over

after his team's farewell celebration

to join our party.

It's really special.

Specially fucked up.

What are you doing?

I'm ashamed of admiring the wrong man.

Come back.
They just wanted to make you happy.

I forgot you're a gangster.

Everyone's scared of you. Me too.

One last time.

Zheng Xuxiang is a friend.

We go way back.

He's going to Japan.

Can't we have a drink together?

You can.

Go ahead.

Go!

-What do you want?
-Come back.

Will you lose face if I don't?

Hit me.

Hit me…

Hey! Come check this out!

There's a gangster here!

Call the police!

Come! Come take a look!

Take a look at this ugly hair
that you cut!

Is there…

-anything else--
-It's too late.

I'm sorry. You don't have to come back.

I'll go with you.

Mister,

I will call the cops.

The spring rain is like a passing dream

Deliberately drenching those who care

Hopes are abandoned

Heartbroken without tears

I always love too hard

With this tender heart

That's why this helpless feeling
Lingers on

It's been over 10 winters

Waiting for the buds to flower

Please forgive me

The more I think, the more hopeless

Goodbye, my dear almost lover

If there's no love, why bother?

The past is like a boring story
A foolish dream

Goodbye, my dear almost lover

The June jasmine is still fragrant

May you be like a spring flower in bloom…

Thank you!

I promise to do my best.

Take care.

Why are you crying?

DRAGON PILLAR - TAI

What happened to you?

My dick,

is no longer mine.

The June jasmine is still fragrant

May you be like a spring flower in bloom

Beautiful and red

Ignore him.

Fuck boy.

I'm No. 9, Fanny.

-You can ask for me next time.
-Thank you.

Miss Fen.

Can you be more gentle?

I've never cheated a game.

Isn't that great?

You're so wonderful.

A round of applause!

Has Bored Ape been crashing lately?

Relax. I've been trading this recently.

TAI: 10:30PM AT GOLDPOOL
YOU AND ME

Awesome trade.

We could set up our own trading.
What do you think?

Tai

was my senior teammate.

He was really crap,

but insisted he be captain.

He was really crap,
but insisted he be captain.

Captain and cleanup hitter.

He postponed graduation
to be the cleanup hitter.

So embarrassing.

He killed our momentum every time.

We could never string hits together.

He knew everyone was unhappy with him,

but he never changed.

He even used excuses

to make us run laps with our pants off,

all night long.

One, two!

Starting from now,

I will lead us
to the national championship!

It's my only goal in life!

Before winning the championship,

I refuse to die!

He loves talking shit.

We're only 16.

Hard for us to die.

Once,

a second baseman on our team

got himself into trouble.

A bunch of gangsters

charged in with weapons.

Our terrified coach ran away.

We were dumbfounded.
What do we do now?

Ball…

Ball!

Tai was ferocious.

He grabbed a bat by himself,

charged right up
and took out a bunch of them.

That was when we realized

Tai is a cleanup hitter in a fight.

It revved up all of us.

After all,

we were a baseball team.

We did weight training
and sprints every day.

We were all super fit.

So we followed Tai's lead,

picked up our bats, and started swinging.

Later,

things just escalated.

So Tai said,

he's the captain.

When things go wrong,

he must take the fall.

It was all me.

I took on ten people by myself.

-But they said the whole team joined in.
-It's my blurred image.

Watch this.

See my blurred image?

Then he got expelled.

From now on,

killing momentum,

and not stringing hits together

are all excuses!

Give me a smile, OK?

National champions, OK?

National…

National champions!

I'll leave it to you guys.

The next time I heard about him,

he was already a gangster.

I've been a pro for 13 years.

All that time,

Tai kept putting the word out.

Whoever dared give me one drop of alcohol,

be it a powerful capo or not,

he'd take them on,

and destroy them.

Tai previously worked in Shenzhen
for two years.

You didn't hear me clearly.

So I brought a translator today.

He put a capo from the coast

in the hospital.

Back then,

the second baseman

who messed everything up

was me.

Me having a clean slate
and joining Japan's pro team

is all thanks to Tai.

If possible,

I'd like to repay him with…

a good wife.

Whenever someone is on base,

with two strikes, three balls,

your posture is a little off.

Tuck your elbow in a bit more.

Understand?

-Really?
-Yes!

Why did you want to see me?

Did you pee?

You're a terrible boss. A gross boss.

Look at yourself.

You neglect your business,

don't care about the killer,

and piss everywhere.

Since Fen dumped you,

-you've become a loser.
-A breakup.

There are loads of girls like Fen
in every club.

8,000 for the night.

Ten thousand.

At most, twelve thousand.

When she puts her mind to it,

she's worth 100,000.

You met a decent woman
and got spellbound.

Please. You're a boss.

A boss, so what?

If you want it,

you can be Dragon.

Listen,

from now on,

you lead the company.

If you want to buy whatever coin,
that's up to you.

If you lose it all,
kneel down to beg those brothers.

What? I never said
I wanted to be the boss.

Long Legs.

There's something

just between you and me.

That night,

seeing those Thai killers…

A dozen of them, carrying long knives.

Making you weak at the knees.

Hsing was…

I'm the boss.

All I do is dragon pussy.

-I want it too.
-Get in line.

Boss, friends of yours?

Fuck, motherfuckers.

-Boss, run!
-Fend them off!

Hsing…

pushed me toward them

and ran out the back.

As underlings, dying for your boss

is meant to be.

But being pushed by the boss…

I don't know…

Maybe it was just me,

but I couldn't let go.

You think you're the boss now?

I thought you met me alone

to confess that you killed Hsing.

I almost died that day.

You got stabbed three times,
but none hit any vital organs.

No one would believe it.

As for me…

You made me believe.

You know I was once stabbed here
and also here.

Maybe my stomach is this small.

-There are more organs.
-Like you'd know.

What will you do

if you're not a boss?

Go back to fuck Fen.

If I ever get cut in line at Costco,
you have to save me.

No way.

Bryan says bosses die easily.

I don't want to.

You want to be Dragon.

-You die first.
-I don't wanna die yet.

I bought you a coffin.

I don't want to. You die first.

What was that?

Sorry, it's not personal.

Motherfuckers.

Long Legs. Are you afraid to die?

Relax. I won't push you.

WE HAVEN'T REALLY BROKEN UP

WHY AREN'T YOU RESPONDING?

Who sent them?

How would I know?

Go!

Long Legs,

I promise

I'll get you out of here.

Tai,

you're so strong.

I heard you're hard to kill,
but I didn't know this hard.

Long Legs, I'm sorry.

My boss wants that urban renewal.

So the two of you have to die here today.

But I must still ask.

You really don't wanna team up?

Just kidding anyway.

Boss Chuan,

it's almost done.

I don't believe you won't die.

OK, I'll create an NFT of you two.

Do you see the Goddess of Mercy?

Fen is my Goddess of Mercy.

Didn't you say you'd get me out of here?

You're the Dragon Pillar.

I've been stabbed multiple times.

How many is multiple?

I'm fed up with your poor math.

…

Forget it.
I better get you out of here instead.

What? What are you on about?

It's very easy
to call for help these days.

When did you start liking me?

I just do.

Is it because I'm pretty?

Or I have a nice voice?

Is it because I saved you?

Yes, I'm returning the favor.

Can you answer properly?

I do. I just like you.

You tick all the boxes.

So fierce.

Just go like this.

No need to go to the hospital.

Fen misses me.

Relax. No one ever dies in this car.

True. No need to go to the hospital.

We should go to Miss Fen.

She'll tend to your wounds,
rub you up and down.

All good.

I say relax. This is no ordinary car.

No boss has ever died in this car.

Don't fall asleep.

Hurry. Faster!

Take it easy.

Almost there. Don't fall asleep.

Almost there.

Faster!

Boss Chuan.

All been taken care of.

I have an idea.

Sure.

Leave it to me.

My buddy wants me to ask you

where you'd like to sleep.

In the mountains?

In the ocean?

Or in a pond?

Thank you, Boss Tung.

Fishy.

Please tell Fen for me,

I remember now.

It's when she shaved off my eyebrow.

Tell who?

Tell who?

Go tell her yourself!

Aren't you gonna fuck Fen?
Tell her yourself! Go!

Get out!

Aren't you gonna fuck Fen?

Go tell her yourself! Go!

I'm the boss now!

Get out of the car! Get out!

Get out…

Get out…

Tai…

Tai…

THANKS FOR YOUR HELP

I'm no longer the boss.

Sure.

I'll support you.

Support me?

I'm a big spender.

I have many customers.
They all book my service.

It'll be fine.

Is there

anything else?

It was also raining

the night I met you.

That was

when my luck…

ran out.

Someone really

pointed a gun at your head?

Didn't we agree?

Then, did you?

Of course.

A very fake ejaculation.

Tai's stomach must be really tiny.

All full of shit.

Take me to the hospital.

I'm really gonna die.

Yes, Dragon Pillar!

How can you still be alive?

Is this really OK?

Don't worry, it's a Chinese New Year film.

I don't think that's our release date.

Love never dies.

Every day is a celebration.

XUXIANG'S DESIGNATED HAIRDRESSER

Orange sauce pork ribs.

Always orange sauce pork ribs!

Well…

what do you want instead?

Take a guess.

Leave me alone, I'm reading.

Don't look at me.

Why are you still looking at me?

I'm calling the cops!

Stop looking at me!

Oh, yeah? So what business

did he decide to do?

He said no matter what, location is key.

He's so infuriating.

He keeps looking for retail spaces
but has zero plans.

If I wasn't carrying his child,

I'd kick him out.

Gramps, what are you doing here?

Win fights, rise up the ranks.

Excuse me.

My girlfriend's grandmother

passed away last week.

So when you say …fucker,

can you not cuss out?

Insult anyone else if you want,

just don't

use that word.

Sorry for interrupting your meal.

You're great.

-So admirable.
-Well done.

WE'VE GOT MORE, STAY… OR NOT

Subtitle translation by: Ya Ting Chuang

Okay.

Hi, well…

Hi, everyone. I'm Giddens Ko.

-Director Giddens Ko.
-Why introduce yourself?

An introduction is still needed.
There's only sound without visuals.

Hello, everyone. I'm Daniel Hong.

Hello, everyone. I'm Fen.

Yes.

-What do we do now?
-This is awkward, right?

Yes. Wait, we still have
three minutes of credit roll.

But the song should be over now, right?

How about my directing this time?

Is there anything I can improve on?

Quite a lot.

Shit.

For example?

For example,
you didn't help me realize my dream.

I told you the first day of shooting
that I want to sing the theme song,

but you never let me.

Right. That's true.

I did ask Daniel to do the song with you.

I also asked him.

Because I've already…

Our leading man is already a singer.

Right? It should be okay.

It turns out…

We tried it, but the key…

If you sing in that key,
we can't sing along. And…

My vocal range is wide, okay?

Wait, so then I thought…

How about having Vivian
come to harmonize?

But during the discussion,
I even asked the director

if it would be embarrassing.

Like to tell her to come and hum.

I can go "Doo…"

Yeah. It's too embarrassing.

Hey. You can’t reach the pitch
once she comes in?

But you're a pro. She's an actress.

No, that's because of the key.

-Right.
-It won't go smoothly. It won't match.

Oh, I see. That's an excuse.

Forget it.

So what do we do?
Miss Sung's lifelong dream

is to sing and release an EP.

She's the heroine
and still can't sing the theme song.

Why don't you write a song for Fen?

It's clearly Daniel's fault.

My fault?

Okay, fine.

In the next movie then.

-Sure.
-There's a sequel?

-Are you filming a sequel, Mr. Ko?
-Well… Let's see.

We will see.

Or would you rather sing now?
Daniel and I will harmonize for you.

No, the credit roll is almost over.

I'm not lying. I'm the director.

I can make the credit finish later.

You could've let me sing for three minutes

-instead of blabbering.
-No worries.

We can rearrange the music.

-Daniel, can you make it?
-Sure.

No, you are just lying.

I'm not lying. Look into my eyes.

Your eyes are too small.
I can't look into them.

I'm most annoyed with delaying,
cheating, and cutting off songs.

No. You are both lying to me.

Or should I just sing?

Right. Daniel should sing. He’s a pro.

-Sing with me?
-Sure, I'll do it.

-Here we go.
-Okay, ready.

Wait, I'll go first.
Your key is different.

Okay, we'll harmonize.
Ready. Cue the intro.

Subtitle translation by: Ya Ting Chuang

Go.

I know…