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(SLOW ROCK MUSIC PLAYING)

FEMALE ANNOUNCER: British Airways flight 297 service from London Heathrow

now arriving at Gate 12.

PYKE: Hi.

Rooms are 39 bucks day rate, 29 bucks overnight.

- Well, it's cheaper to stay overnight. - Damn right.

Days are for sex. Sex costs money.

You want a room or not?

Yes. For one week, please.

That'll be 203 bucks, in advance.

That'll be Unit 13.

Check-out is noon, Thursday next.

No, I'm fine, actually. Thank you.

(CAR LOCK BEEPS)

MAN: Hey, what's up, man? Where's my letters at?

GUARD: Open gate six.

(ELECTRONIC BUZZING)

- You all right? - Yeah.

Glad you could make it, bro.

Why the fuck did you come to Chicago anyway?

Not enough trade back home?

For expansive lake views and corn-fed American pussy, why else?

(LAUGHING)

Jesus. Were you on the street long enough to get any?

Okay, I'm here, Reese.

You said you'd make it worth my while.

Listen up.

Somebody hit the dog track, and they think it was me.

But you're innocent.

Of course, I am. The bad guys wore masks.

Plus, one of them got accidentally killed by the cops.

(POLICE SIREN WAILING)

DISPATCHER: Car is heading northbound on Lower Wacker and Van Buren.

(POLICE RADIO CHATTERING)

- God damn it! - Oh, shut the fuck up.

What the fuck happened, Reese?

Fucking crooked cops gambling on duty, that's what fucking happened.

Fucking bastards!

Get out! Get out! Get the fuck out!

- He's got a gun! He's got a gun! - FEMALE COP: Drop the gun!

You in the truck, let me see your hands!

FEMALE COP: Get them up! Let me see your hands!

Spread them!

Get in the car.

No witnesses, no money, no conviction, right?

How much did they get, these bad guys?

Word is half a million. Maybe more.

Okay, I'm interested.

Where?

I had to toss it.

- Where? - Dan Ryan Expressway.

(TYRES SCREECHING)

Reese, what the fuck you doing? Our money!

Hey, fuck off, will you?

You think it's still there?

- It's not there. - Then where is it?

Well, it landed on this guy's car. You know, a white dude.

Okay, what kind of car?

I don't know. An old car. Old station wagon.

Wood on the sides, you know? Yeah, wood on the sides.

(BRAKES SQUEALING)

(POLICE SIREN WAILING)

Shit! Fucking piss!

Son of a bitch!

Why me? Ten zillion fucking cars in goddamn Chicago,

and this motherfucker has to hit mine!

(CRASHING)

Jesus Christ.

(ALARM BEEPING)

(GRUNTS)

You want the shower first?

(SIGHS) No, you go ahead.

Okay.

(SHOWER RUNNING)

Don't be down, Sam. It'll all work out.

You want me to pick you up at work?

No, I'll meet you. The walk will do me good.

- See you later then? - Yeah.

- Shit! - (HORN HONKING)

What the hell are you doing, man?

Jesus Christ, Reese, you fucking crazy?

Fucking keep it down.

It's Chicago, Reese.

The car capital of the northern USA.

And you expect me to find one fucking car? Forget it. Your boy got lucky.

Listen to me.

This Barney came into his luck only two days ago.

The trail's still as hot as a street whore's snatch.

He'll use cash, and that's what will set him apart from the other worker ant fucks.

First thing he'll do is buy a new car, cash, and that's how you get him.

Now the split's 50-50.

Are you in or out?

I'm here, aren't I?

I'll give it a shot.

Are you the sales manager?

Yeah, that's me.

Can you help me?

I'll sure as hell try.

If somebody comes in here and buys a car for cash,

what do you do?

Cream my Calvins.

(LAUGHS)

What official things do you do?

Well, since there's no bank, there's no loan application,

no insurance papers to fill out, and no loan officer, you see?

About the only thing we do on a cash deal is document state tax and licensing.

- How? - Just a form. Here.

But I gotta tell you, cash is rare.

Once, maybe two times a year do I see a cash deal.

- Does this document method of payment? - Right there on that line, see?

You either list the bank, the finance company,

or you stamp it "cash."

- And where do these go? - Chicago DMV, central branch.

"Thanks, buddy." "Hey, you're welcome, you rude fucking goom-bah, you."

I can't imagine why he's late, Mr Dale. He knew we were meeting at 10:30.

I believe this is the very nature of our problem, Mrs Phelan.

Buying a house is a major responsibility.

I do not think Mr Phelan is facing his commitment in a responsible manner.

You and your husband are 120 days behind in payments.

This constitutes serious arrears to an institution of this small size.

Mr Dale, we know where we stand. We've been unemployed.

We're both working now. We'll catch up.

You're asking much of this institution to reschedule your loan,

especially in view of Mr Phelan's tardiness,

- both in meeting payments... - SAM: Leslie!

...and today's appointment.

- Where have you been? - Tell you later.

Mr Dale, our banker. Let me guess. You being the weenie that you are,

you're not gonna reschedule our payments, is that right?

What? What did you say?

Under the circumstances,

I do not believe this institution can accommodate you, Mr and Mrs Phelan.

No, Sam, talk to him. This is our house!

I'm afraid you'll have to pay the full amount you owe,

or Midwest Savings and Loan will be forced to finalise foreclosure proceedings.

Mr Dale, please.

We have paid on that house every month, on time, for five years.

- Doesn't that count for anything? - What exactly is the full amount?

With penalties and interest, it comes to $7,603.12.

Okay.

Here.

$1,000, $2,000, $3,000, $4,000, $5,000, $6,000, $7,000.

- And... Wait, here we are. $300, $400... - 12 cents.

One, two, three, four, five, six... You got four singles?

- Four. - Yeah.

Thank you. $7,605.

Leslie, let's go.

Wait, my sweater.

You owe me $1.88, buster, and I want it by noon tomorrow.

(CHUCKLES) Where did you get it?

Straight from heaven, baby. (LAUGHS)

No, really, Sam, where?

Okay, I was on the Dan Ryan Expressway, right?

And a police chase went by, and it just crashed onto the hood of my car.

Did it dent the car?

Did it dent the... Jesus, honey, forget that! Come on! (LAUGHS)

Oh, my God. How much is there?

I don't know. You want to find out?

Whoo-hoo!

( INDISTINCT CHATTERING)

Okay, how much? How much?

Okay. It comes to $618,127.

(BOTH LAUGH)

Wait, plus the $7,605 you gave that asshole, Mr Dale, which makes...

- Did you see his face? - Yeah.

I thought he was gonna pee in his pants when you called him a weenie.

How's about when you hit him up for the $1.88?

- Buster! - Buster!

(BOTH LAUGHING)

Okay.

Counting the $7,605 we gave the bank, totals

$625,731.

My God!

We're rich.

Sam, we can't keep it.

Yes, we can.

No. It's probably dirty money.

Yeah, of course it is. It's cash.

I don't want some Colombian drug lord kicking our door down.

Hey, nobody saw, Les. All right? If I hadn't picked it up,

it would've just laid on the ground for somebody else to find.

It's free and clear money. Nobody in this world knows we have it.

What if it was robbed from a bank or something?

So? So what? Banks are insured.

Oh, come on. What're we gonna do, huh?

You wanna play John Q. Dipshit Citizen and turn it over to the Chicago PD?

Those crooks in blue, they'd just steal it for themselves anyway.

No, no, no, baby, no way. This is our money.

All right? God sent it to me right out of the sky.

Out of a million car hoods in Chicago, this suitcase hit mine.

That's fate.

- Well, they would be insured, right? - Yeah, of course they would.

Come on. This is our money, baby.

The mortgage is paid up. Think of all the stuff we could finally buy.

New furniture. We could paint the house. Huh?

- Well... - Leslie, over $600,000, all right.

Ours to spend. Anything we want. All our dreams come true, baby.

You're right! Oh, my God!

(GASPS)

- What first? - Well, there's a pretty big dent in the car.

- New car! - Yeah.

Honey.

(RAP MUSIC PLAYING)

What'll it be, man?

I'm looking for Zeke.

Wrong joint. No Zeke here.

Come here.

No, no.

Come here.

(INAUDIBLE)

Back there.

Thanks.

(WOMAN MOANING IN DISTANCE)

(WHIPPING)

I was told I could buy tools.

Oh, I've got tools.

What's your preference?

Sears? Stanley? Snap On?

I was thinking more along the lines of Ruger, Smith & Wesson. You know?

(CHUCKLES)

Can you get me keys to the Motor Vehicle Department?

(DOOR OPENING)

That's two chairs, the dining room set, sofa, big-screen plasma TV.

What about a bed?

(GASPS) Mmm.

- What about a bed? - Bed, bed, bed...

Well, we definitely gotta have a bed, don't we?

- Definitely. - Right this way.

LESLIE: Oh, look.

SAM: Wow.

LESLIE: This is perfect. SAM: I like it.

- Hi. - Hey.

Okay, they deliver our stuff tomorrow between 1:00 and 4:00.

- All right. - (CHUCKLES)

Give me that.

Ooh!

- Nice. - Very swanky.

(ROCK MUSIC PLAYING)

Buick.

Okay, a maybe.

Say, can I help you?

Yeah, excuse me. Is that your Toyota?

- No, it's my wife's. Why? - Who is it, Glenn?

I don't know who the hell he is. Who the hell are you?

Excuse me.

Hey, motherfucker! What? You drive around, you see a nice car,

you wanna get in my face and ask me one question?

- What? - You know what it looks like to me?

- You're casing the joint. - Get him, baby.

You better get the fuck out of this neighbourhood

before I bust a cap in your white-boy ass, 'cause you don't want this.

- He don't want this. - He don't want this.

No, he don't want this.

Listen up, Glenn the fucking Plumber.

You blacks think you're all so fucking bad.

Well, you aren't.

You think all white people fear you. We don't.

Now shut your fucking mouth.

Or I'll put you in the fucking emergency ward. Got it?

Did you hear that accent?

Yeah. That wasn't no regular white boy.

- No, come on, let's just go inside. - Speaking Spanish and everything.

(BHANGRA MUSIC PLAYING)

Hi.

Mr Bearshit Tenderfeet?

No, no, no. Pronounce this way, please.

Bahadurjit Tejinderpreet Singh.

I can help it you, please?

Yeah, help it me.

That's a nice Chevy you got there.

Oh, yeah, my Chevrolet.

Great American automobile.

I like it too much. Chevrolet.

A big favourite with you Arabs, is it?

Arab? That's bullshit! I'm Sikh from India!

I don't make no 9/11.

I make 9-9! My beautiful store!

(HIP-HOP MUSIC PLAYING)

Mr Melvin Goldberg?

Who wants to know?

- I'm from Bavarian Motor Works. - The what?

BMW, Bavarian Motor Works.

Your new car there.

Yeah. Well, so?

I'd like to ask you a couple of questions if you don't mind, about your new Beemer.

No, thanks. Beat it.

My company's offering $100 for a simple five-minute interview.

Yeah. Come inside.

(CHUCKLES)

So, how long have you had the car?

Eight days.

- Do you like the BMW? - Oh, yes. Don't everybody?

Even those goddamn Mercedes fools are changing to BMW now.

(CHUCKLES)

Say, ain't you gonna write stuff down?

I've got a good memory.

How long did you say you financed the car?

I didn't say.

Why the hell you want to know that, anyhow?

Well, it just helps us to determine buying trends, that sort of thing.

Twenty-four months.

(WATER RUNNING)

This says you paid cash.

That's it! Who the hell are you? Get the fuck out of my house!

- Sit down. - Fuck you!

Get the hell out, or I'll throw your ass out.

(GRUNTING)

(COUGHS)

(GAGGING)

The suitcase. Where's the suitcase, Goldberg?

- What suitcase? - The money! Where the fuck is it?

(GUN CLICKING)

I'm sorry, mister.

I'll replace the cash. I promise.

So it was you.

- Yeah? - I did it.

- But I'll put it back, honest to God. - What, you mean you spent it all?

You spent half a million?

What? No, no...

Talk to me, Jew motherfucker.

I work for Gen-Am.

I stole the money. I admit it.

But I did it because they extort their customers. They're rip-offs, man.

They're cheating the public.

But I'll pay it back though, honest.

Was your old car a station wagon?

No way. Are you a cop?

(SLAPPING)

If you're fucking lying, I'll kill you, and I'll kill you fucking slowly.

I traded a pick-up truck for that BMW.

A 1993 Ford F-150. Call them, mister.

I stole the money, but not with a suitcase.

I used a paper bag.

- Thanks. - Thank you.

- You're welcome. Enjoy. - Well...

To the good life and the fulfilment of our wildest dreams.

To my husband, may he ever be so lucky.

Sammy.

We should do that more often.

What got into us?

Cash.

- Morning, Mr Phelan. - Morning, Mrs Phelan.

Sleep well?

Yes, I did.

- Ready for breakfast? - Yeah. Breakfast, too, huh?

Indeed. Nothing's too good for Mr Lucky Sam Phelan.

Eat.

- I'm headed for the shower. - Okay.

(DOORBELL RINGING)

Hi, Mr Sam Phelan?

Yeah, you're early. We weren't expecting you till noon.

I doubt you were expecting me at all.

You're the Chunky Chicken franchise rep, aren't you?

- No. - Oh.

Okay, I'm sorry. I thought... (CHUCKLES)

What can I do for you?

I'd like to talk to you about your new Range Rover. I'm from the factory.

Yeah, right. It's kind of bad timing.

It'll only take a minute.

(SIGHS) Yeah, okay, come on in. Just a minute, though.

Sure, yeah. Thank you.

Take a seat.

I was just about to make a coffee if you want one.

No, thanks.

Looking to invest?

Yeah, my wife and I, we want to start our own business.

Yeah? Recently come into some cash, did you?

Listen, mister, I don't have a whole lot of time here, so...

Sorry.

So how are you enjoying the Range Rover?

What, you mean how it handles, stuff like that? It's great. We love it.

How does it compare to your old car?

(CHUCKLES) It's no comparison.

What was your old car?

It was a Buick station wagon, a piece of crap.

Was it the one with the wood on the sides?

You said you're from the factory. What factory?

Okay, listen,

I think you better leave now.

This business you want...

You looking to invest what, half a million? In cash?

Yeah, listen, I'm actually expecting somebody, so I gotta...

I gotta clean up. I'm gonna have to ask you to go.

I'm not leaving, Sam.

What do you mean you're not leaving?

Who the hell do you think you are, huh? I'll call the police.

(SCOFFS)

Hey.

Look, we don't smoke in this house.

You have something of mine.

I've never seen you before.

Hey! What are you doing?

Please!

You can't do that, all right?

Oh, shit, man!

Fucking stop it!

- Stop it! - What is he doing? Stop him!

Hey, no, no, no, no! Don't, don't, don't! Okay.

Hang up the phone.

Go ahead, hang it up.

(CLANGING)

Where's my money?

We have it.

Most of it that is. We spent some.

What are you talking about?

- We don't have his money. - Save it, Leslie.

I know the truth.

How much did you spend?

About $70,000, I think.

- Where's the rest? - Some's here, and some's in the bank.

- In the bank? - Several banks, actually.

Avoiding the IRS, huh? Smart. Dangerous, though.

Funny how money corrupts, isn't it?

Okay.

Here's what we're gonna do.

Sam, go get the rest of the cash left here in the house, okay?

Go on. Do it now.

Leslie, gather up receipts.

You and I will total up exactly how much you spent.

- You do keep receipts, don't you? - Mmm-hmm.

(BANGING)

$625,731.

(WHISTLES)

Not a bad haul. Not a bad haul at all.

(LAUGHING)

Okay. It's noon.

Banks need time to gather up large sums of cash.

So while Leslie's figuring, and I'm counting, you get on the phone, Sam,

and call every one of those banks you put my money in.

Tell them you'll be down there today to pick up that cash. You got it?

What's your total?

$74,316.47.

It's more than the $70,000 that you said, isn't it?

I guess I forgot about some of the other stuff.

That's perfectly natural.

And everything looks so nice, too.

That big-screen TV, the Range Rover, looks really good.

- Thank you. - It's all right.

So, $625,761 gross

minus the $74,316.47 equals...

$551,414.53.

Correct.

$551,414.53 is the figure we'll concentrate on.

Got to get all that outstanding cash back, right?

Ready, Sam?

I only got through to a couple of them.

Oh, that's okay. We can call them on the way there.

Let's go visit those banks.

That's good.

Go on.

(MUTTERING INDISTINCTLY)

Great. Next bank.

Well, that was fun, wasn't it?

Leslie, go and get your calculator.

Sit down.

Okay.

Subtract these figures from our running total.

$54,557.

$13,660.

$83,000.

$15,236.

What's that leave?

$268,184.53.

Where's the rest?

We left some with my mother.

Oh, with Mummy.

What could be safer than Mummy's?

You have been busy little bees, haven't you?

Good job I got here when I did.

- How much? - $265,000.

(EXCLAIMS)

We sure trust Mummy, don't we?

So, $265,000 subtracted from our new balance

of $268,184.53 leaves

$3,184.53. Where's that gone?

Loose change, right?

That kind of money goes for candy, cigarettes, that kind of stuff, right?

We don't smoke.

No? That's too bad.

You don't mind if I smoke in the house, do you?

Oh. Thank you very much.

All right, let's get back to business.

We'll add this $3,184.53

to the $74,316.47 deficit we already have,

that's the money you spent before I got here, right?

That comes to, what, $77,501.

It's been a long day. I'm hungry.

Leslie, why don't you slip into the kitchen there and cook us up a nice meal?

That way, we don't have to go out any more.

We can all stay together. Doesn't that sound nice?

Go on.

Very good, Leslie. I liked it.

But what was it?

Eggplant, tofu and veggie steaks.

- Veggie steaks? - We don't eat red meat.

Why not? Scared of getting mad cow disease?

Right, I think I'll go and watch a little big-screen TV. (SIGHS)

Then we all better turn in.

Gotta be up bright and early for Granny tomorrow.

You're sleeping with us?

Is that an invitation?

(CLEARING THROAT) You know what I mean.

Yes, I do.

- You can sleep on the couch. - Thanks.

What have you gotten us into?

- Me? - Yes.

Now you point the finger. That's funny. You didn't mind spending it yesterday.

- I'm calling the police. - What?

Hey, put the phone down. Put the phone... Give me that!

- Stop it! Give it to me! Sam... - Shh!

Look, let's just wait it out. Okay?

If we call the cops now, they'll ask questions, lots of questions.

There'll be trouble, and we'll lose what little we have left.

After tomorrow, he'll be gone.

And we'll still have all the stuff we bought. You know, some pretty cool stuff.

- It's not so bad. - No, this is what I was afraid of.

- Shh. - (EXHALES)

I wish you'd never found that goddamn money.

Let's just go to sleep, all right?

- Hi, Mom. - Hi, honey.

Mom, you know that carton we left with you? We need it back.

Honey, you said you needed it kept safe. I hid it, dear.

That's fine, Mom, but we need it back now.

Really, sweetie, it couldn't be safer than where it is.

What couldn't be safer?

Uh. Well, whatever's in the box, of course.

Go and get it.

Mom, please, go get the box.

Who the hell do you think you are?

I'm one of those people you never meet

as long as you're a straight-up, honest citizen.

Now what would you've done if we'd turned the goddamn money over to the police, huh?

But you didn't, did you, Sam?

So there's no way of ever knowing that.

Hey, give it here. Give it to me.

You took some, didn't you, Mummy?

- How much did you steal? - Hey, come on, that's enough.

I didn't steal a cent.

- I just borrowed a little. - LESLIE: Mother!

How much did you borrow?

About $600.

It was a loan! I needed it! I'm on fixed income. I was gonna put it back.

Mother, we left that with you for safe keeping.

I just took a little peek, honey. There was so much...

LESLIE: it wasn't yours.

Well, it wasn't yours either, was it?

(SIGHS)

Now here's a lesson.

When it comes to cash, nobody can be trusted.

Like mother, like daughter, eh?

(CHUCKLING)

Switch the engine off and give me the key.

Stay put, both of you.

Sam, what are we doing?

Sam, what are we doing?

I don't know, Les, all right? I don't even know what we should be doing.

I mean, Christ, are we even in the right here? I don't even know any more.

Of course, we're in the right. He's forcing us to do something against our will.

Is he though, huh? 'Cause we were the ones who took the money.

You know, we decided to keep it. We knew it wasn't ours.

Hi, there.

I'm just checking out.

Um... You owe me $58.

We don't give no refunds.

What?

(READING)

I paid you $203 for seven days, $29 a day.

I only stayed five days. You owe me $58 for the two days I won't be staying.

What, do you got shit in your ears, mister? I said no goddamn refunds.

Now get on down the road before I call the cops!

(EXCLAIMS)

Next, I'll break your arm, your leg.

And finally, your neck.

Now,

just count out the money you owe me and hand it over.

Aren't you forgetting something?

What? You want a receipt?

No, my day. What about my day?

Uh...

Have a nice day?

Good. I will.

- Thank you. - Yeah. Same to you.

Okay. Let's go. Leslie.

Okay.

I need to go back out.

But I need you both to stay in the house.

Can I trust you to do that?

Yeah.

LESLIE: Did you see blood on his shirt? SAM: Mmm-hmm.

LESLIE: He did something awful to somebody in that motel today.

SAM: He's crazy. We got to call the police. We should've called yesterday.

LESLIE: We can do it tonight after he's asleep.

- I found them. - Fucking nice work, bro.

I recovered $547,433.

That's fucking brilliant, Pyke. Fuck me!

- There's more of it. - Yeah? How much?

$78,298 still outstanding.

- Where is it? - They spent it.

That's okay. Fuck it.

- We've still got 250K a piece, right? - No.

- I'm going after the rest. - What do you mean?

Come on, bro, give me a fucking break. Please, just this once.

- They've spent it, bro. It's gone. - It's not gone. It's just been misplaced.

I'll get it replaced.

Okay.

Have it your fucking way, as usual.

Do what you fucking like.

I'll see you when I get out of this shithole.

(GATE BUZZING)

Let's talk about the rest of the money you owe.

What are you talking about? Huh?

What are you talking about? We spent the rest, all right? It's gone.

And now we have to get it back.

The outstanding deficit is $78,290.

What?

Why don't you just take the Range Rover, take the new furniture, take it all?

I don't want your goods, Sam. I'm not a merchant.

I'm more like a banker. I require cash.

We don't have $78,000.

- $78,298. - Well, we don't have that either.

You know what? Can't you just leave?

You have $500,000-plus. Just leave us alone.

We're sorry we spent some.

We thought God smiled down on us. We were wrong. We're sorry.

Nothing's free, Leslie.

Not in this life.

You knew that money wasn't yours.

You spent. Now, you have to pay.

What are you gonna do? Kill us? We don't have it!

Let's not discuss consequences.

Let's just focus on how you're gonna get my money paid back.

PYKE: Mmm.

Good food, Leslie.

Better if it was meat, but good all the same.

Sam cooked it.

Mmm. A real domestic, yeah, Sam?

Okay, there's something I need you both to do for me now.

- Yeah? What's that? - I need both your personal cell phones.

Go on then.

Thank you.

Leslie, could you go to the kitchen and bring me the phone, please?

Yeah.

I noticed another jack. Where does that one lead?

In the bedroom.

Can you bring me the one from the bedroom, Leslie?

- Yes. - Thanks.

We're coming to the tricky part of this recovery action here.

And I want to keep it private, don't you?

We're getting to a place now

where you and Leslie have to dip into your own pockets.

And usually when that happens, people want to make a call to somebody.

Strange thing. Human nature, I guess.

They always want to make that call.

Now, why don't you two tell me your plan for getting the rest of my money?

We don't have a damn plan.

We can sell the Range Rover. It's worth about $70,000.

Sell the new furniture, and I don't know, borrow the rest from friends.

(LAUGHS) As to borrowing from friends, good luck.

The Range Rover, okay. But the furniture, no. Takes too long.

I'm giving you five days from right now.

And if we can't do it by then?

No consequences in advance.

You learn consequences only when a line is crossed and a decision is made.

Uh-huh.

Oh, yeah.

Uh-huh.

It's in pretty decent shape. I'll give you 47 for it.

- What? We just... - Wait a second. What are you talking about?

Huh? We paid almost $70,000 a week ago, cash.

Yeah, yeah. No.

You see, I sold you a new vehicle, and you brought me back a used one.

It's only got 119 miles on it for Christ's sakes.

I'll tell you what I'm gonna do, and this is my best deal ever.

I'll give you $53,000 for it, and I'll throw in the old car for you.

How does that sound, huh?

Can you deliver it in cash?

So $53,000 from $78,298

leaves an outstanding deficit of $25,298.

Can't you just give us a goddamn break?

You mean will I assume your debt?

The answer is, no, I won't.

Look, we can't get any more.

You still own a house.

(TYRES SCREECHING)

God damn it, Leslie!

LESLIE: You are not getting our house, buster!

I don't want your house, Leslie.

I was thinking more along the lines

of cash refinancing.

No, not our house.

How about we stop this crap now? This shit has gone far enough!

Sam, this fucker is full of shit. What can he do in broad daylight?

Let's just get out, Sam, walk away. He can have the damn jalopy.

Leslie, you make a decision now,

and you live with the consequences after, you remember that. Huh?

Fuck you.

It's an idle threat, Sam. That's all. He's bullshit.

(PYKE SIGHING)

Get in the car, Leslie.

- He's bluffing. - Get in the car.

- He's a goddamn bully. - Start the engine. Let's go.

- We can walk away. Call the police. - Start the engine. Let's go.

- Where? - Wherever your house is financed.

Mr and Mrs Phelan, is it your wish that this gentleman be privy

to your personal financial affairs?

Yeah, sure. Why the hell not?

PYKE: What was the original purchase price of the house?

The original purchase price was $200,000.

PYKE: Purchased when?

Five years ago.

What is the amount of their monthly payment?

$647.70 a month.

- Term of loan? - Twenty-nine years.

- How much down? - Well, 10%, $20,000.

So, a down payment being the same as equity,

the day they bought their house, they had $20,000 equity.

And they still have that amount today, yeah?

Well, yes. Technically, yes.

They've been paying monthly payments faithfully for the last five years.

Which comes to $38,862, right?

Uh...

$38,862, that's correct.

So discounting interest,

they've paid down about $13,000 on their mortgage debt. Is that right?

(EXCLAIMS)

Why, yes. That's just about right, yes.

Yes, so they still owe $167,000.

Now, during these past five years, the property has appreciated.

Well, yes, of course. But we can't be certain how much without an appraisal.

Yeah, nevertheless it has appreciated.

Let's use a conservative figure, say, $20,000 over five years.

That's a measly, what, $4,000 per year.

I wouldn't say that's too optimistic, would you?

- No, well, that sounds reasonable. - Okay.

So discounting appreciation with their original down payment,

they have $53,000 equity in the house.

And as such, I see no reason

why this institution should not lend them the $25,298 they seek,

less than half their existing equity.

Well... Well, I don't...

We quit our jobs.

- You're unemployed? - Yeah.

(SCOFFS)

Are you familiar with the no-doc home equity loan?

Oh. Yeah, of course.

Yeah?

You see, a no-doc requires no employment, no income or assets.

Lenders do not verify any information beyond a credit profile

and value of the property.

Of course.

The Phelans have equity.

They could easily get a loan equal to 80%.

Well, I don't know that this bank has ever issued a no-doc loan.

I don't know that we can do it. Their credit rating...

Listen. I think you're missing a big opportunity here, Mr Dink.

It's Dale.

- Mr Dale. - Yeah, whatever.

We could go elsewhere for the money.

And I'm sure your branch manager would be very unhappy to lose the business,

especially in view of the fact that this institution holds the first mortgage.

But it's urgent.

These people need the cash today.

Name your terms.

At today's prices, they have more equity than necessary.

More money for the bank if you decide to foreclose.

You get my meaning? It's a sweet deal.

There might even be a promotion in it for somebody.

Well, perhaps, I could consider a small home equity loan,

you know, for urgent home repairs.

- High interest. - PYKE: Well, of course, you know.

Well, we take the fair market value

times 80% loan-to-value.

That equals $86,000.

Minus the compound interest over the term of the loan.

I can lend $11,421.89.

That's the maximum on a pure equity loan of an unemployed applicant.

They'll take it. Make a bank draft to cash. They'll redeem it here.

(DOOR SLAMMING)

So, Sam,

how are you gonna get the remaining $13,876.11?

Why do you keep at this? The money isn't even yours anyway.

PYKE: That's where you're wrong.

The money is mine.

And I will keep it until a superior power takes it from me.

And so the question remains.

How will you pay me the $13,876.11 that you owe me?

There's your fucking 11 cents.

Thank you, Leslie.

Why can't you just leave us alone?

I understand your frustration.

I do.

But I must have the full amount.

We don't have it, and there's no place else we can get it.

So you're just gonna have to kill us or whatever it is...

Now, now, slow down. Look, everybody's overreacting.

Let's just all settle down. Okay?

We'll have a nice meal. We'll watch some big-screen TV.

And in the morning, we'll work something out. Okay?

(MAN CHATTERING ON TV)

You still have another four days.

Les? Les, come on, wake up. Wake up, wake up.

- What? What? - We're leaving.

Come on, get dressed. Here.

- What? But... - Come on, let's go.

- He'll hear. - Fuck him. Come on.

- Let's go. Let's go, come on. - Okay, okay.

- All right. - Okay.

Out for a midnight stroll?

I understand this is your first experience in a situation like this.

So I'm going to overlook tonight's indiscretion. But understand this.

Until I get my money, you will not leave this house.

You will not phone anyone or meet anyone unless I give my permission.

Is that understood?

- Is that understood? - Yes.

- Leslie? - Yes. Fucking, yes, okay?

Now get back to bed.

Morning.

Everybody sleep well?

What the hell is this?

I did a little shopping while you people were sleeping.

Meat.

Why don't you slip over to the stove there, Sam?

Cook up some eggs and meat for Leslie and me?

What?

Eggs, Sam. I want eggs.

- Are you gonna cook or not? - I'll do it.

No, I want Sam to do it.

He's a domestic man. Aren't you, Sam?

What are you doing? Stop it.

I just want him to do it. That's all, Leslie.

This is ridiculous. It's elementary school crap.

What's it gonna be, Sam?

Whatever. Eggs, no big deal.

And meat, Sam.

Make mine scrambled, will you?

How do you like your eggs, Leslie?

Fuck you.

It's easy for a woman, isn't it? No physical threat, no fear of reprisal.

You can just simply open your big, beautiful mouth

and say whatever foul things come into your head, right?

(PATTING SEAT)

Come sit by me.

Sam, go in there and rob it. Bring me the money back.

- Wait, what? - Are you crazy?

SAM: Hey, I can't do that!

Shit!

You don't know what you can do, Sam. You'll be surprised how easy it is.

You see, the majority of men are cowards. Isn't that right, Sam?

All women are cowards.

Fear of this gun will drive them to obey your every command.

Just as you obey mine. Now get in there and do it.

Romper Room time's over, Sam. I want my fucking money.

- Now get in there and do it! - All right, all right. Just relax.

Sam, your phone.

Fuck.

(CELL PHONE RINGING)

- Hello? - PYKE: Sam, it's me.

I want you to keep the line open.

I want to hear everything that's going on in there. You understand?

If you get ugly, or if the line goes dead, your wife goes dead with it.

- You understand? - Yeah.

SAM: (OVER PHONE) Okay, give me all the money!

MAN: Paper or plastic? SAM: Jesus Christ, I don't care!

(SHOUTING)

Fuck you, motherfucker! Fuck you!

(CHUCKLES)

It's good, isn't it?

(SAM LAUGHS SARCASTICALLY)

Give me the gun, Sam.

Count the money for him, Leslie. He seems a little nervous.

Let's see how you did, Sam.

(INAUDIBLE)

How much, babe?

- $464. - $464.

It's not a great score, Sam. Why didn't you get the coins?

What do you mean why didn't I get the coins?

- I didn't know I was supposed to. - You got that from the movies, right?

That's what stupid movies get you. Money is money. You get it all.

Fuck off.

Okay.

That's $464 subtracted from the balance of $13,876.

That comes to $13,412 left to get.

Your turn.

- Not me. - Why? Because you're a woman?

That vagina gives you special privileges, does it?

You American women, you all want equality. Well, I'm giving it to you.

And get the change this time.

Leslie!

Same deal.

You get cute in there, Sam, he pays the price.

Okay?

(CELL PHONE RINGING)

Got it.

Raise your hands! Give me the money, asshole!

Come on, come on!

Put it in a bag!

The coins, too!

Come on!

And give me a pack of cigarettes.

- What kind? - I don't care. The green ones.

- Menthol? - Just give me a goddamn carton!

Get on the floor!

Get down and don't move for five minutes, or you die!

Give me the gun.

Physical power over others tastes sweet in the mouth,

especially for a woman who doesn't often get the experience.

It feeds you like mother's milk.

It's almost sexual, isn't it, Leslie?

Hey, where'd you get those?

I took 'em.

Oh, you shoplifted.

(LAUGHING)

Shoplifted?

Okay, count out the money, Leslie.

(INAUDIBLE)

$525.87.

My haul was bigger.

Leslie.

(SIGHING)

The day's total haul is $2,128.16.

Subtracted from our outstanding total leaves $11,283.84.

Ain't no great shakes, folks. $2,100 for a whole day's work.

Actually, it's $2,128.16.

Turn on the TV, Sam. It's time for the news. Go on.

MALE ANNOUNCER ON TV: You're watching WGN News at 9:00.

PYKE: Sit by me, Leslie.

NEWSREADER: A series of armed robberies occurred today in the Chicago area.

Two men and one woman held up a liquor store this morning and escaped capture.

Police believe it's the same trio that went on to rob six more convenience stores

in an all-day crime spree.

Police estimate the robbers got away with over $10,000.

- That's bullshit! - They always lie about the take.

Insurance fraud. Everybody's crooked. Everybody.

Police have compiled this sketch of the trio.

(LAUGHING) isn't that stupid? Those drawings never look like anybody.

In the history of the world,

they've never caught a criminal based on those stupid things.

(SHUSHING)

9 To 9 store manager, Bahadurjit Tejinderpreet...

(LAUGHING)

-...who's been robbed more than 10 times... - PYKE: I know that guy.

-...called the team amateurs. - PYKE: Fucking Bearshit Tenderfeet.

I've been robbed by the best thieves in Chicago! These are... These are amateurs!

Fuck him.

The getaway car was a cream-coloured station wagon believed to be a Buick.

- Shit! - In other news...

- They know our car. - They don't know anything.

They've got no licence number, no photos, no names.

Detroit made 10 zillion of those cars. Relax. Anyway, tomorrow we use my car.

You're sidling up to him.

I'm not sidling.

You sat beside him, Les.

You cooked his meat.

Sam, I'm sorry. I'm sorry.

We're both scared of him, and we have a right to be.

He's dangerous. He's crazy, and he's making us crazy.

I'm so sorry.

Empty the register, man. Let's go. Come on, hurry up! Hurry up!

Don't do anything stupid.

You're getting the hang of it, Sam.

Give me the gun.

- What kind of gun is this? - The kind that scares people.

Now give me.

Yeah, what kind?

(EXHALES)

It's a Star, calibre 9 millimetre, parabellum, semi-automatic pistol,

model 30P double action. Made in Spain.

It weighs 39.68 ounces and has a four-inch barrel.

It fires a 120-grain metal-jacketed bullet at a muzzle velocity of 1,247 feet per second.

Okay? Now give me the fucking gun.

I said give me the fucking gun.

Nine millimetre.

Sam, what's happening to us?

I watched you today. You liked that gun.

(SCOFFS)

Jesus. Shut up, Leslie.

- Sammy. - No, shut the fuck up.

- Get the money! - No can't! Family need too much eat.

Get the fucking money now!

- No! - God damn you!

(EXCLAIMS SOFTLY)

I think our girl's a natural, Sam.

Let's go!

Don't you say one fucking word to me.

Totals out at $5,295.52. That's not a bad haul.

You still have an outstanding balance of $5,988.32 and only one day left.

(EXHALES)

- Turn on the TV, Sam. It's time for the news. - Why don't you turn it on yourself?

(CHUCKLES) Okay, Sam.

The threesome struck again today

robbing 10 different establishments in Cook County.

Ten in one day! Got to be a record, that.

Chief Johnson said he's never seen such a desperate run of robberies.

The getaway car they're using now is a black Lincoln with no licence plate.

If caught, the two men and one woman face armed robbery charges,

which carries a 20 to 50-year prison term.

Actually, when Leslie pistol-whipped the old chink,

she upped the ante to robbery with aggravated assault, and that carries life.

I made you do it, but I didn't make you like it, did I?

It wasn't me who made your panties wet

when you were robbing those people, was it, Leslie?

Fuck you, all right! I will not let you do that!

LESLIE: Stop it!

Stop it!

Stop it! Stop beating him! Stop it!

Stop it! Stop it! No!

Come on. Are you okay?

Get the fuck out of here.

What'd you think?

Grab my pistol so you could get me gone?

What?

You're offended I rejected your offering of pussy?

Huh?

Get back to bed, Leslie.

PYKE: We can start downtown.

Make our way south to Cicero.

No. One more score. We hit a bank.

Too risky. Banks are out of your league.

That kind of job requires preparation, planning.

You got to know the layout, the routines. No, it's over your head, son.

The bank I'm thinking about, I know everything I need to know.

We'll stick to the small stuff. Okay?

What's the matter? Ain't you got the stomach for it?

I want finished with this shit.

I'll never be able to pull in $5,988.32 sticking to the small stuff.

Or are you giving me a time extension? Is that it?

You giving me a pass?

Okay, Sam.

You get your bank.

What?

Have you got any clean pantyhose?

Banks are a two-man job.

I'm going in there with you.

We've got no longer than three minutes, okay?

Leslie, you keep the motor running, and you stay cool.

No more games, or Sam, he pays the price.

Little late for fucking games.

Let's go.

Robbery! Get down!

Everybody! Nobody fucking move!

(PEOPLE EXCLAIM)

All right, you play hero, and you're killed!

PYKE: Down on the fucking floor! Everybody!

- Bag all the money! Bag it up! - Yes, sir.

PYKE: Nobody move! Open the vault!

You stay still, yeah. The whole fucking lot of you.

You, get down! Get down the fucking stairs!

Don't fucking move!

Come on, move it!

Fucking get down!

Leave the money and run!

The alarm's been tripped. You'll go to prison.

What the fuck are you doing? Move, now!

You fucking stay down!

Come on! Come on!

Get over! Get over!

How much did we get?

(TYRES SCREECHING)

Are you fucking crazy? What the fuck did you just do?

(PEOPLE CLAMOURING)

We owe $5,988.32.

There it is.

Now, are we done with it?

That's right, Sam. Our business is finished. Give me the gun.

I said give me the gun.

Give me the fucking gun, Sam, or I'll hurt you really fucking badly this time!

Do you believe me?

Yeah, I believe.

(LAUGHING)

You don't got the stomach for it.

Listen, mister, you don't know what the fuck I have the stomach for.

Sam.

What do you expect to accomplish with no fucking bullets, you Barney fuck?

Sammy.

You make a move for your other gun, and I'll kill you.

- Do you believe me? Huh? - Yeah.

Do you believe, motherfucker?

- Yeah, I believe. - Goddamn right you do.

- What's your name? - What?

Your name. I wanna know your fucking name.

Pyke.

- Pyke? Pyke what? - Kubic.

- Pyke Kubic. - Yeah.

(TYRES SCREECHING)

LESLIE: Look out!

(LESLIE SCREAMS)

(GUNSHOT)

I'll fucking kill you both!

- I'll fucking kill you both! - Fuck you!

(GUNSHOT)

- Grab the fucking gun, Les! - Fuck you! Fuck!

(GUNSHOT)

(TYRES SCREECHING)

(EXHALES)

A bizarre incident was reported by police today.

Over $15,000 has been anonymously returned to over 27 convenience stores,

9 To 9 stores and grocery marts,

with over $10,000 returned to Park and Savings Bank

in repayment for the rash of robberies that occurred last week.

It appears the robbers experienced remorse

and sent the exact amount of stolen cash back to each establishment.

The robbers even sent extra money to two persons

whom were hurt during the course of the crimes.

An older Asian woman and a savings and loan manager.

- Asshole. - A police spokesman said

the case would remain open, but detectives harbour little hope in solving it.

All efforts to apprehend the criminals, two men and one woman, have failed.

In other news...