All language subtitles for Asteroid.202

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So this is it?

Yeah, this is it.

Meh.

Sweetie, you know
how important this
is to your father.

Can you just try to
give it a chance?

The roof needs work.

Well, you're
here for the summer

so you can help me fix it
or you can deal with it.

There's no service here.

I'm going to plant a garden.

Why would you buy a house
where there's no cell service?

There is cell service
in a room upstairs.

You just have to lean out
the window a little bit.

I guess that's my room then.

Great.

It's the bathroom.

Am I being punished
for something?

Haven't
been here 10 minutes

and you're already complaining.

Just give it a rest, please.

Fine.

Keys?

Hello?

Spence.

Spencer.

She's going to need internet.

Thought we agreed we
wouldn't let her grow up

in front of a screen.

We did, and then
she did it anyway

because that's
what teenagers do.

Come on.

We just need a little
bit of internet.

Love you.

Are you the Colemans?

That's us, yeah.

I'll show you where things go.

Are advising it is
unethical and it is downright-

NASA is abuzz today
over a recent discovery that-

* 24 seven, I'm connected

* Text message, phone
call, it's life or death *

* Anyone I care about

* All my friends know
exactly where to find me *

* When the world ends

* I want a simple life

* A simple life for me

* I want a simple life

* 'Cause I wanna be free

* I want a simple life

* A simple life for me, yeah

* So stop looking at the
screen so we can talk *

* Hold my hand, we're
gonna go for a walk *

* I know a place the sun
shines through the trees *

* I'd love to lay you down
and kiss you in the leaves *

* I want a simple life

* A simple life for me

* I want a simple life

* 'Cause I wanna be free

* I want a simple life

* A simple life for me

* Oh yeah

* I don't wanna go to
heaven with anyone but you *

* We shouldn't have
to work this hard *

* We can play by our own rules

* Yeah, yeah, yeah

* I want a simple life

* A simple life for me

* I want a simple life

* 'Cause I wanna be free

* I want a simple life

* A simple life for me

That was
Love, Lies, and Fiction

with "Simple Life."

And I'm Leslie Ann with your
morning mix, good morning.

What a beautiful day
in downtown Oneonta.

Plenty of sunshine on tap.

She's still on the radio.

This place never changes.

Hello, sir.

Internet Store?

Oh, we had a bunch of
complaints about our service.

So instead of fixing
anything, we just rebranded.

Well, I'm here
for some internet.

Oh, you've come
to the right place.

Transfer or new account?

A new account.

It's not for me though.

It's actually for my daughter,

but I'm paying, so
I guess it's for me.

Well, you can't
ignore technology.

Adapt or die.

What's the new address?

113 Herrick Hill Road.

Oh no.

Oh no, this isn't good at all.

Sir, you can't get internet.

Like not even a little bit?

Nope, you're right
outside our service area.

You know, we could run
a line to your house,

which would cost...

$33,412.

Son of a bitch.

Will you be
paying cash or card?

No, I'm not gonna...

There's gotta be some
kind of other option.

We do offer a payment plan.

No, I mean like a
satellite or whatever.

It seems like the dishes
can't get a signal there either.

Weird.

Figures.

What are you going to do?

C'mon, Lynn.

Hey.

Hey, there you are.

Sorry, I had to run upstairs.

The service is great up here.

How'd it go?

Oh, bad news.

Can't get internet.

Not even a little bit?

Nope.

We're outside the service area

and satellites
won't work either.

So, how do we tell Zoe?

Damn it!

He couldn't buy a house
with working light bulbs?

She would like for you
to buy some light bulbs.

Hey, excuse me.

Can you tell me...

Kenny.

Spence!

Oh, so you did move back.

How do you know that?

Oh, you know, small town.

Right.

So how's your pops doing?

Oh, passed away
a few years back.

Yeah.

Left me the store, so
I'm running things now.

I'm sorry to hear that.

Yeah, it's all right.

Tell me about
these smart bulbs.

Oh man, listen, those
are super cool, man.

Everybody's buying
these things now.

Check this out.

You can turn them on
and off with an app.

Yeah.

You can even change the color.

Do you want to get
some of those or?

No, no, I'll just stick
with the dumb bulbs.

Gotcha, gotcha, gotcha, cool.

Hey, so where's the new house?

Outskirts of town.

Yeah, a couple of miles out.

- Oh, cool, cool.
- Yeah.

Well, thanks.

Oh, no problem, man.

You know, I don't need a bag.

Oh, I got you.

All right.

Here you go.

So how about yourself?

Do you have family in town or?

Nah, nah.

Just a store.

Yeah.

Big news day, huh?

Oh, you didn't hear?

Man, NASA is making
some huge announcement.

Yeah, they've been
talking about it all day.

NASA?

That's a bunch of bullshit.

You guys know the
earth is flat, right?

I'm not going
to say aliens but-

The less I know about the
outside world, the better.

I hear you, man.

Hey, listen.

We should get
together or something.

You know, grab a beer.

Yeah, sometime.

I got to get back to...

Let me get my
number for you here.

You know, I just
have so much to do.

Oh, no, no, one second.

Let me, let me find a pen.

You don't have to do that.

No, it's no problem.

I should probably get
going, a lot of work to do.

Oh, here we go.

Ah, hold on a second.

Let me see here.

There we go.

That's my cell.

Great.

All right, thanks.

Hey, man, good seeing you.

- Have a good day.
- You too.

And it looks
like NASA is about ready

to go live.

We're gonna switch
over to them right now.

Ladies and gentlemen,
thank you for your time.

A little over eight hours ago,

a near earth object
or NEO was spotted

by one of our telescopes.

It was not detected earlier

due to its trajectory
originating from behind the sun.

According to our admittedly
early calculations,

we predict that an asteroid
will strike somewhere

within the continental
United States

within the next 72 hours.

We will have more information
about its exact impact point

in the near future, but we
are now going to open up-

Come on, now?

I'm sure everything's
going to be fine.

We're in the middle of
nowhere in upstate New York.

Everything is not
going to be fine, Mom.

Even if it hits in
the middle of Idaho,

it could start a chain reaction.

Supply chains breaking down,
power grids overloading,

not to even mention the
environmental impact.

Sweetie.

Humans have been
facing adversity since
the dawn of time.

And no matter what
comes our way,

we always find a way
to figure it out.

Tell that to the dinosaurs.

Hi, this is Tom
Simmons calling from News One.

How big is this asteroid?

Our current
calculations put it

at 50 meters across,

burning down to
approximately five meters

once it gets through
the atmosphere.

While small, it can still
do significant damage.

Hey.

Hey.

Excuse me?

Hey.

Hello?

Excuse me.

Hey.

It's going to hit your house.

Come again?

The asteroid.

No, they said
they don't even know

where it's going to hit.

Trust me, they know exactly
where it's going to hit.

And when.

They just don't want
to start a panic.

Yet.

Okay.

Who are you?

Wilson.

I live right up the road.

Saw you guys moving in earlier.

I figured I'd come
down, say hey.

Spencer.

Just bought the place.

I hope you kept the receipt.

Go.

Off my property.

Sweetie, we have
to be optimistic.

Please stop
calling me sweetie.

I'm not a kid anymore.

And you can't just optimism
your way through everything.

No internet?

Nope.

Not yet.

Great.

Just great.

Did you get some light bulbs?

There you go.

There you go.

You're welcome.

So, thoughts?

Thoughts about what?

The asteroid?

I really don't think it's
anything we have to worry about.

It's probably going to
hit in Idaho or something.

It's not our problem.

You guys gonna feed me tonight
or am I just gonna starve?

She's right.

We don't have any
food in the house.

Yeah.

Okay.

No, no, no, no, no, no, no.

It's okay, you don't
have to go back out.

We'll order delivery for dinner

and then we can go to
Nick's diner for breakfast.

It just reopened, right?

It'll be fun.

Perfect, thank you.

Big news
that's been brewing, folks,

from NASA of all places.

An asteroid on its way to Earth.

Not sure where it's gonna hit

but of course you can expect
that we'll keep you up to date

right here on your-

Cool place, huh?

- Yeah, it's cute.
- Yeah.

How old is this place?

Well, it was built
about 100 years ago.

It was a popular
spot on the railroad.

As long as the food
doesn't give me the plague.

Well, that was the
1400s, not the 1900s.

Thought you were going
to college next year.

I must have fallen
asleep during plague class.

What?

One of these times, you
got to order your own fries.

You never finish yours.

That's 'cause I know
you're gonna eat them.

Oh, that's so sweet.

So you said you ran into
one of your old friends

at the hardware store?

Lenny?

Kenny.

He's an acquaintance,
he's definitely not a friend.

Well, maybe you
can change that.

No, I don't think so.

What, is he an
asshole or something?

Zoe.

No, he's just a
guy who never left

and I'm too old for new friends.

What do you want to do today?

We brought two
vehicles for a reason.

I want to work on the house.

Okay, then you do that.

Zoe and I will go talk to
the phone people, right, Zoe?

Interview time.

Oh, good luck.

All right, good luck.

So close.

Remember when she used to
give everybody high fives?

When she was two?

She's a teenager.

They do two things,

they mope and hate their
parents for having them.

I was hoping we'd
skip that phase.

Well, it is a phase,

so the good news is she
will grow out of it.

Someday, something will happen

that puts it all
into perspective.

And then she will give you as
many high-fives as you want.

Okay, I gotta get outta here.

Okay.

Good luck at the phone store.

Thank you.

I love you back.

Yeah, so what kind
of classes would I be taking

until I decided my major?

Hey.

Oh.

No, I mean, yeah, I
guess that's fine.

I just, I dunno,

I thought maybe something
more creative than that.

NASA's press
conference is going live

in a few hours.

Hopefully we're going to learn

where this asteroid
is hitting and when.

The world has sent their
thoughts and prayers to America.

Okay, good.

So, how'd your interview go?

It was all right, I guess.

You guess?

I don't know what I
want to do with my life.

My admissions counselor says
photography isn't a job.

I just wanted to have a purpose.

Then again, I should
probably pick somewhere to go

so I don't have to stay

in the middle of
dad's midlife crisis.

Okay.

Hello.

Hey, Kenny.

It's Spencer.

Sorry to bother you,

I tried catching you
at the hardware store.

Dude, it's Sunday.

Day of rest.

I didn't
know you were religious.

No, I'm not.

- Okay.
- What's going on, man?

Well, listen.

I was trying to get
some painting done today

and I ran out of primer.

Oh, you need primer?

I can swing by with a few cans.

Are you sure?

Oh, yeah, yeah, no problem.

Besides, I wanted to see
the new house anyway.

Hey, maybe after that we
can go grab that beer, huh?

I tell you what, you
bring me that primer

and beers are on me.

My main man.

All right, it's a deal.

Deal.

Phone Store.

I hate this town.

Go on.

Hey folks, could
you just sign in?

We're the only ones here.

Yes, but we need
you to sign in.

You have to be shitting me.

Zoe.

I'm not giving you my email.

We need you in our system.

So you can turn around
and sell my information?

No, thanks.

It won't let me proceed
without an email address.

It's fine, I'll
take care of it.

Okay, we're checked in.

Great.

Lynn Coleman?

That's me.

Great.

Chad will see you at the desk.

What's up, guys?

How can we help today?

We just moved
here from the city

and I have zero cell service.

Oh, super bummer.

Let's check out
your service area.

What's your address?

Oh, 113 Herrick Hill Road?

Oh, bummer.

You guys are in the dead zone.

Just going to have to
get a signal booster,

use your phone as a hotspot.

Listen, I have
college admissions
interviews I have to do.

There are shows I want to watch.

Do we have unlimited data?

Nah, you probably
got limited unlimited.

I'm sorry?

Limited unlimited.

It's essentially unlimited
until you hit the limit.

That's when you get limited.

Why are we paying
for unlimited then?

Well, because it's
limited unlimited.

Listen.

How much for
unlimited unlimited?

That's the
presidential package.

That's going to be...

$500 a month for the first
line, 499 every line after that.

I'm sorry, Zoe, we
can't afford that.

Great.

Thanks, Chad.

You've been absolutely
no help whatsoever.

It's okay.

We'll figure it out.

Come on.

Hey.

Doing anything later?

Ew.

Spence?

Yo, up here.

Hey, primer delivery.

Perfect timing.

Hey, man, you wasn't kidding

about being on outside of town.

Yeah, just the way I like it.

I dig that, man.

Oh.

There you go.

Think you could give
me a hand with something?

Oh, yeah, sure, what's up?

All right, here we go.

Slide out.

Yeah, there you go.

All right.

Thank you.

No problem, no problem.

I got something on my face?

No, no.

It's just that usually

when people go through
a midlife crisis,

they, you know, buy a Corvette.

Is that
what you think this is?

I'm just saying, man,

you never used to
shut up about leaving.

Now you bought a house.

Well, it's more
than just a house.

It's kind of a long story.

Yeah?

Well, how about you tell me
that long story over that beer?

All right.

- Let's do it.
- Let's do it.

Zoe, can you see
who that is, please?

It's Dad.

Can you pick it up
and put it on speaker?

I know how to phone, Mom.

Hey, you.

Hey.

Bad news.

We're outside the service area.

I'm starting
to see a theme here.

How's Zoe handling it?

My life is a nightmare.

Oh, Kenny stopped by
and I owe him a beer,

so we're going to go downtown,

catch NASA's big announcement.

Oh, yay!

You two can bond.

Okay, then we'll just
be back at the house.

Got it.

I won't be long.

Love you.

I love you back.

Figures.

Perfect signal in town

and the second we
get home, it's gone.

Watch this.

See what I just did?

You crossed the street?

Yeah.

I didn't have to wait five
minutes at the corner to do it.

I found a parking
spot, I made a left.

Yeah.

Nothing stopping me today.

Really that bad
down there, huh?

Yep.

You know, some people
like city life.

One thing I learned,
it's not for me,

people living on top of each
other, struggling to survive.

Not doing that.

I hear you, man.

I've been here forever
and it doesn't really seem

like I'm missing much
in the city, you know?

It's always there
if I want to see it.

This is a great
place to just live.

Yeah.

I think everything's
going to be all right.

Yeah.

That's one reason
to hate small towns.

That's the guy that
was on my property.

Really?

You might want to keep
him off your property.

What's the backstory there?

I'd rather not get into it.

All right.

Well, he's on his end of
the bar, we're on ours.

What'll it be, guys?

Oh, I'll have Ommegang and
then whatever this guy wants.

Surprise me.

NASA should be starting
their press conference

any minute now.

I wonder where this
thing's going to hit.

Hopefully somewhere
nobody lives.

Like Idaho.

In any case, I'm sure
we're fine here in Oneonta.

Here you go.

Thanks for the beer.

Well, thanks for the primer.

No problem.

So.

So.

Why'd you come back?

I was hoping to be
a couple beers deep

before touching that one.

Well, I'm a
very impatient man, sir,

so why don't you go
ahead and spill it?

You remember back
in middle school,

when my mom died?

Yeah, of course.

Me and my dad, we moved
down to the city after that.

Then he had to bust
his ass twice as hard

just to make ends meet.

But he did it.

You know, worked the
same job for 45 years,

built up a nice pension.

And he did it.

Not a lot of people
could say that, you know?

Yeah.

Then on that last day,
he handed in his hard hat,

got that first retirement check.

And as he was
driving home, he...

He had a heart attack
right behind the wheel.

Crashed into a light pole.

He just died at the scene,
check uncashed in his pocket.

And as I was watching him
getting lowered into the ground,

I made a promise.

I wasn't gonna go out like that.

I was gonna find a way
to provide for my family

and enjoy what little time
I have on this planet,

not spend my whole life working

just to die on the day that
things finally work out.

Put a stake in the ground

and I'm going to
provide for my family.

That's what I'm doing here.

Damn, man.

I wish I was a
couple of beers deep.

You asked.

Three people are killed and
one is in critical condition

after a gender reveal
party gone horribly wrong.

Hold on a second, folks.

We're getting word from NASA.

Switching over.

Gentlemen, thank
you for tuning in.

We have narrowed down an
almost precise point of impact

for the asteroid that is headed
towards the United States.

The asteroid is
currently on track

to collide within 48 hours.

And the point of
impact will be...

Oneonta, New York.

We'll have more
information as it develops

and our thoughts and prayers
are with the citizens

of Oneonta.

You have to be shitting me.

Right?

It's not that hard to pronounce.

It's Oneonta.

Yes!

Are you insane?

Dude, you don't understand.

Listen, whenever
there's a crisis, people
shop like maniacs.

I gotta get back to the store.

Clear out my inventory.

We'll catch up soon, all right?

You're taking
this extremely well.

Oh no, no, no, no.

It'll be fine.

See you, man.

Okay, I'll bite.

Tell me everything.

Not here.

Can I get a ride?

Come on, let's go.

Time to get the
hell out of Dodge.

Mom, what are we going to do?

I don't know, but we are
on the outskirts of town.

Maybe it'll hit more
towards the center of town.

That doesn't matter.

It could hit...

What's the name of
that stupid town?

The one with the
Baseball Hall of Fame?

Cooperstown?

Cooperstown.

It could hit Cooperstown
and that's still too close.

I'm going to go try
to call your father.

All right, talk to me.

I told you.

They've known where it was
going to hit since day one.

How?

How did you know that?

I've got people.

Oh my god.

Come on.

Zoe, is this really a good
time to be on your phone?

I'm researching.

Okay, so your people?

Let's just say
they know things

before the general
public is allowed to.

Whenever there's chatter
about something, they hear it.

A major impact event
releases the energy

of several million
nuclear weapons
detonating simultaneously

when an asteroid only a few
kilometers in diameter collides

with Earth.

That's only if
it doesn't burn up

in the atmosphere first, right?

Yeah, but you have the
Tunguska event in 1908

where a meteoroid
disintegrated in the atmosphere

and the airburst
flattened 80 million trees

over 800 square miles
and killed three people.

I mean, I do feel
bad for the trees,

but three people, that's
really not that bad.

Only because it
detonated over a forest

and not a major city.

800 square miles?

That's the size of Rhode Island,

which would mean a million
people dead, not three.

Good thing we're
not in Rhode Island.

Are you even listening to me?

Wait a second.

Stop.

Spooks.

What the hell?

They're watching you.

Probably want to see
what you do next.

Bullseye.

Mom, we have to
get out of here.

Where have you been?

- I know.
- Trying to call you.

This is Wilson.

Lynn, Zoe.

Ma'am, younger ma'am.

Well, it was nice meeting you.

We need to have a
family meeting, so.

Talk to you later.

On the count of
three, stay or go.

Wait, what are we doing?

We're going to have a vote.

Count of three,
stay or go, ready?

One, two, three, stay.

- Go.
- Go.

Dad, we have to leave.

And we had a vote.

Look, we are staying.

I'm not running anymore.

Okay, I ran to the
city when Mom died,

ran back here when Dad died,
and I'm not running anymore.

I'm standing my
ground on this one.

Great speech.

I'm sure the asteroid
will be very moved.

Spence, are you serious?

Yes, I'm serious.

Look, you're my family and
I'm going to protect you.

Okay, we have 48 hours at least.

This thing can hit on
the other side of town

for all we know.

And it's a small asteroid.

Okay.

You get one night.

Mom!

And then if it gets
too close, we're leaving.

Deal?

Deal.

Okay, so if we're staying,

we're going to need
some supplies, right?

Even if this asteroid
avoids us completely,

there's going to be dust and
all kinds of things kicked up.

We need to seal the
windows or something,

get some plastic
sheeting and duct tape.

Yeah, duct tape.

That's going to keep
an asteroid out.

Okay, I'll go get them.

We'll go get them.

We're a family, right?

Zoe and I just need to get
some things together first.

Okay, meet me in the SUV.

We're staying?

For now.

People are
evacuating currently in droves.

Where they're headed, I
don't think they care.

They're just trying to get
out as fast as they can.

This is crazy.

This is not good.

Hold on,
folks, breaking news.

The White House has announced

that the president is
considering an executive order

to remove Oneonta from
the United States.

- What?
- What?

Yeah, this is
about the time where I wish-

Spence!

Beam me up, Scotty.

- Oh my God.
- Oh my God.

I'm so sorry.

Are you okay?

I was so distracted
by, well, this.

It's fine, I was too.

Oh.

Mayor Kim Mueller, hi.

- Hi.
- Hi.

Dad, you almost
killed the mayor.

No, I'm fine.

Oh, she's fine.

Spencer Coleman.

Oh, you're the Colemans.

Just moved into the house
on Herrick Hill, right?

Yeah.

How does everybody know that?

Small town.

So are you staying or going?

Most people seem to have
hit the road already.

Just a couple of stragglers,

I need to make
sure they're okay.

Captain goes down with
the ship and all that.

We're staying.

For now.

Great.

What were you headed
into town for?

Oh, we're headed over
to the hardware store.

Just going to grab
some supplies.

Oh, you're going to Kenny's.

Hey, while you're there, could
you make an announcement?

I'm holding a town
hall meeting tonight.

Town hall meeting
tonight, got it, sure.

Perfect.

If we're going to
get through this,

we need to stick together
and keep this town safe

until we can't anymore.

All right.

Thank you, Colemans.

And tell Kenny I said hi.

Nice to meet you.

Yeah.

She's nice.

Yeah.

In and out.

Guys.

Oh no.

Should we come back later?

We got this.

Follow me.

Reports
of panicked shoppers

at the hardware store, buying
up everything in sight.

Police are telling us
to warn all of you,

just stay in your homes.

It's the safest place right now.

Hey, just grab everything
we need and then meet me at-

Spence.

Hey, Kenny, Kenny, hey.

Hey buddy, there's a line.

Mayor asked me to have
you make an announcement.

Oh, Kim?

Yeah, anything for
her, what's up?

Okay, town hall
meeting tonight.

Anyone left in town
should be there.

Got it.

And we got like 30 bucks
for the stuff so just keep it.

Oh, perfect, man,
appreciate that.

Are you going to introduce us?

Oh God.

This is my wife Lynn
and my daughter Zoe.

Pleasure to meet you both.

Lovely store you've got here.

Thank you, thank you.

Great, okay, see you later.

Copy that.

Attention, shoppers,
there's an announcement.

Kill me.

Zoe, is that?

Yeah.

Are you-

No!

Everyone settle down.

Settle down.

Thank you all for coming
here at such short notice.

As you are all
undoubtedly aware,

a large amount of people
have already evacuated,

but you're here and
I'm here with you.

I would like to figure out
what's kept some of you behind.

Yes, how about you?

Who, me?

Sick grandma.

Yeah, I just figured the
government would step in

and like send a
rocket up into space

and blow up the asteroid.

Well, you might've heard
that there's a possibility

that we will be removed
from the United States.

So we are on our own.

So I guess we're
on our Oneonta?

What's the plan, mayor?

Well, I have a now
plan and a later plan.

The now plan is that we
look out for each other.

We're a small town,

but there's bound to be
people taking advantage

of the situation.

Specifically, empty houses
filled with valuables.

Now, if you haven't already,

you may want to consider
boarding up your windows.

I saw some folks doing
that on the way over.

What's the point
in boarding up houses

when they're gonna
be destroyed anyhow?

Well, that takes
me to the later plan.

I recommend gathering
up anything valuable,
irreplaceable,

and storing it outside of town.

As the asteroid approaches,
it has been determined

that the safest place
for us is Secret Caverns.

It is far enough
and deep enough.

And we have a bus that could
help get this done faster.

All right, I will open up
the floor to any questions.

This is madness.

Yes, yep.

How do we know
the asteroid's even real?

I have it on good
authority that this is real.

Can the
government really abandon us

at this time?
Be back.

Where are you going?

Yes, they
can, and they have.

You hear all that?

I heard a lot of yappin'
without much thinking.

You got something better?

Hey, man, sorry I'm late.

Place was jam packed and I
had to count all the money.

Wilson.

Mini Munson.

Wilson's got a plan.

Oh yeah?

Something like your last plan?

Listen, man, if your
plan A involves him,

I'd start working on plan B.

Well, I'll plan C you later.

Okay.

Talk to me.

I'm expecting a communication
at my secure facility

in the next hour.

You should be there.

Okay, meet me outside.

What's going on?

Wilson's got a plan.

The crazy neighbor?

We really don't
have many options.

We have one option.

We can leave.

Zoe.

Look, you gave me till tomorrow.

And I know this is
going to sound weird,

but we're supposed to get
some kind of message tonight.

Okay, there's something going on

and I have to get
to the bottom of it.

I don't like it, Spence.

We're already
running out of time.

Tomorrow, okay?

Promise.

Okay, fine.

See you back at the house.

Let's see this
secure facility.

So this is it, huh?

What?

This isn't secure
enough for you?

Is that a serious question?

Why so tense, Spence?

How do you know you can
trust these people, Wilson?

Any minute now.

Bingo.

A gravity device?

That's what it says.

I'm Leslie Ann

with coverage on
the asteroid story.

We've had people from
Oneonta in a mass exodus

from the city of Oneonta
to escape the asteroid

and the aftermath,

evacuating now apparently
to Secret Caverns

just outside of Cobleskill,

a safe haven away from all
of the dust and destruction.

Okay.

We are asteroid-proof.

Did you gain any
game-changing information

from that top secret message?

Well, I have a
meeting tonight.

Guys!

The
exact coordinates of
the asteroid impact.

42.495821 and
negative 75.076065.

Wait, what was
that second one?

Again,
that is 42.495821

and negative 75.076065.

Come on, piece of shit!

Zoe, language!

It's the house.

What?

What?

The coordinates
put the exact impact point

at 113 Herrick Hill
Road, Oneonta, New York.

Our thoughts and
prayers are with-

Spence.

How?

I guess the crazy neighbor
ain't so crazy after all.

You knew this entire time?

No, no, I mean, Wilson,
he told me, but I didn't,

I didn't believe him.

Why didn't you say anything?

Because I thought
he was crazy.

I didn't know there was
something to tell you.

We're leaving now.

No, no, this doesn't make,
this doesn't make any sense.

Dad, the only thing that
makes sense is that we leave.

There's something else
going on here, like Wilson.

How did he know that it
was going to be this place?

Like specifically, how did
he know that it's this?

He's a psycho!

Dad, even a broken clock
is right twice a day.

I'm packing a bag.

Make that two.

Spencer.

Spencer, look at me.

We have to go.

Now.

I can't.

I have a meeting.

You keep talking
about this meeting.

What is going on?

What?

Tell me, what?

It...

It's a gravity device.

Please repeat that.

Gravity device.

Mom, we're leaving!

No, no.

Zoe, Lynn, would
you just please-

Spencer, I told you,

this thing gets too close and
you don't have a solution,

we're leaving.

Do you have a solution?

Yes.

No, you don't!

Mom, come on!

Could you please stay?

Spencer, I love you, but I
have to do what's right here.

I'm taking our daughter
and I'm leaving.

Stay.

Spoke with our
brokers in the city.

The buyers haven't
closed on our place,

so that's where you can find us.

Guys.

Dad, you know you're wrong.

Be safe, be safe.

Hey, man, I came as soon as-

Hey, Kenny,
ask him about his plan!

Where they going?

What's the plan, Spence?

Gravity device.

What?

No wonder they're leaving.

You're still stepping
into Wilson's bullshit?

Look, I know this
sounds absurd, okay,

but Wilson knew that
the asteroid was
going to hit Oneonta.

Specifically, he knew it
was going to hit my house.

Spence, how could he
possibly have known that?

I don't know.

But whatever beef
you have with him,

can you just please put it aside

until we can figure out
what the hell is going on?

No, no, hell no, fat chance.

Now what?

No, stop!

Do not come up my
drive, stop right there.

Hey, you Stuart Coleman?

Who's asking?

I'm just here to
report the news.

Don't shoot the messenger.

Vulture.

Shit, there's no signal.

Hey, seem to be having a little
trouble with our satellite,

Would you mind if maybe we
borrow some internet off you?

No, no internet.

Really, not even a little?

No!

$30,000 if you want to run a
line to my house, go for it!

Dump.

Can't wait till this
place goes up in smoke.

Sorry about your house!

Hey, hey.

Who do you work for?

We don't work for anyone
you need to know about,

Mr. Coleman.

Knock it off.

Okay, so you creeps
know my name.

How about you return the favor?

Okay, fair enough.

I'm Agent Thomson,
this is Agent Thompson.

Thompson with a P.

That's cute.

It's come to our attention
that you have plans tonight

to meet with a
rogue organization

in order to gain
possession of equipment,

equipment that doesn't even
belong to them, let alone you.

Knock it off.

Okay, and?

Just be very careful
how you proceed.

You're toying with powers
a lot bigger than yourself.

Great, noted.

Now, I have bigger
things to deal with,

so please get off my prop...

Property.

Little too close.

The line's actually...

No, it's there.

It's actually right here.

No, it's there.

All right.

Get off my property.

If you ask me, it's, well...

Have a
nice day, gentlemen.

Let's get out of here.

Dude, you have had
one hell of a morning.

Listen, Spencer, I think it's...

I think it's time to
cut your losses, man.

What's left to lose?

My family already left me,
we got reporters showing up,

agents walking
through my bushes,

and an asteroid is
about to hit my house.

Why don't you just tell me
what's up with you and Wilson?

No, no, that's not
important right now.

No, I saw how you were
staring at him at the bar.

Spill it.

All right.

All right, listen.

He sold my dad a majority
stake in a mining company.

Put his entire life savings in

so he can have exclusive
rights to this new mineral

or something that's
buried underneath Oneonta.

The only problem is there's
all these houses in the way.

So on the outside of town,

there's a warehouse
full of mining equipment

that can't mine.

Yeah, I guess I
could understand

why you're pretty pissed off.

Yeah.

Does that mean you're not
coming to the meeting tonight?

What, the top secret
gravity device meeting?

Look, man, I know
it sounds absurd,

but I could really
use you there.

All right, listen,
I'll be there, okay?

But only to watch
Wilson fail, right?

And to watch your back,
because that's what friends do.

Yeah.

I guess we are
friends, aren't we?

Were we not?

I don't understand why we
all had to cram into your van

to come here.

The fewer
vehicles, the better.

Makes for a quick getaway.

You expecting the need
for a quick getaway?

Is there a different
kind of getaway?

I know I'm gonna
regret asking this,

but, Wilson, why am I
sitting on a damn toilet?

Clearly, you have
never been on a stakeout.

You're saying
this thing works?

Give it a try.

Oh, they're here.

I'll be back.

Don't play with anything.

I'll give you
something to play with.

What are they saying?

I don't know.

Probably something stupid.

I'm starving.

Is there anything
to eat in here?

Got it.

Hey.

Good thing I'm not
a diabetic, huh?

Want some?

What's going on with you?

Where's the device?

Oh, they don't have it.

I'm sorry, what?

Hey, man, I told you.

What are we doing here then?

They said we already have
it, somewhere here in Oneonta.

Probably on your property.

No, no, that doesn't
make any sense.

How could it possibly be
in Oneonta on my property?

I am just saying
what they told...

Don't tell me you ate those.

Why?

How many?

Why?

That's my concert stash.

Like in your munchies stash?

No, like when I want my
own private light show stash.

Each one of those has
a drop of white fluff.

LSD.

Acid.

Wilson, stop playing,
man, that's not funny.

Yeah, it's not funny.

Those things aren't cheap.

Wait, let me get
this straight, man.

So if me and Spence each
had 10 Sour Patch Kids,

you saying that's
10 hits of acid?

Yes, sir.

And at market rates, you
each owe me 100 bucks.

Oh yeah, I bet.

How about you just take it
out of what you owe my dad?

You might
want to check that rage.

You're in for a bad night.

Oh my god.

About that quick getaway,
go, go, Wilson, go.

All right, everyone
out of the van!

Hey!
Goddamn it, every time!

You ever think about
putting some seat belts

on this damn thing?

In what scenario do you
see me driving this van

while sitting on a toilet?

Uh, Spence, Spence, are
you feeling something?

Yeah.

Why is it kicking in so fast?

Probably from all
the adrenaline coursing

through your veins.

Okay, this isn't
happening, man.

Is this really happening?

Do you have a solution?

No, you don't.

Please repeat that.

Adapt or die.

I just want it to go away!

How did you do that?

Are these that strong?

Hey, so, so, so where's
the stupid asteroid anyway?

You think it'd be lighting
up the sky by now.

Oh, you don't see an
asteroid till it's too late.

You're thinking about comets.

What about shooting stars?

Those are technically meteors.

Unless they survive
the atmosphere, then
they're meteorites.

How do you have
all this memorized?

How do you not?

Guess I must've fell
asleep in meteor class.

It's the universe.

The one thing everybody
should understand.

Yeah, I think I avoid it

because it makes me
feel uncomfortable.

Universe makes you feel
uncomfortable, Kenny?

No, no, no, no, like
realizing how small I am.

You know, that makes
me uncomfortable.

You shouldn't
feel uncomfortable

just because you're short.

Shut up, dickhead.

I mean, I mean, I mean,
think about it, guys,

like seriously, somewhere
out there in space,

you know, far away, is
this big ass piece of rock

that we can't even see

that's a short
period of time away

from potentially killing us all.

I mean, if that,
if that doesn't...

If that doesn't tell you
how fragile everything is,

I don't know what does.

I would find that liberating.

But, but who's going
to remember me, you know?

I think you're being pretty
hard on yourself there, Kenny.

Am I?

I don't have any kids.

I don't have a family.

I just got a hardware
store and that's...

That's not much of a legacy.

If it makes you
feel any better,

in the end, nothing
anybody does matters.

We're all just killing
time until the sun eats us.

Well, gentlemen, I am
going to perambulate back

to my domicile,
slap on some Floyd,

and pack the rest
of my necessities.

Oh, Kenny.

Good job tonight.

Whatever you did.

Bullseye.

Shut up, man.

I'm still mad at you.

I know.

Ciao, bambinos.

Think I'm gonna go ahead
and head on to home myself.

Yeah.

Couple of miles back to town.

I'll be all right.

Figure I could use the walk.

All right.

Ciao for now.

I don't feel so good.

Oh.

What happened?

Oh, hey, Mr. Coleman.

Hey, it's...

Milton, right?

That's right.

Great news.

What great news can
you possibly have for me?

Well, the news
pitched in the 30K

to run a line to your house.

Isn't that great?

It's great.

But I'm not going to
need internet anymore.

Oh, it's not for you.

It's so they can broadcast
the destruction of your house.

How can they do that?

They said the advertising
revenue alone makes it worth it.

Oh, hey, did you hear?

Not again.

Hi, Mr. Coleman!

Guess we're living in
our own country now, huh?

Maybe you could run for
president when this is all over.

The hell
you talking about?

It's too bad about your house,

but we'd really like to get an
interview, if you don't mind.

All right, if I don't mind.

All right, you know what?

Oh my God, Mom, Mom!

What?

We are live with
Spencer Coleman,

whose house is due to be
vaporized by an asteroid.

Mr. Coleman, how
are you feeling?

How the fuck do you
think I'm feeling?

Next question.

Spencer.

I didn't think
he'd actually stay.

I thought it was a bluff.

I may have been
bluffing a little bit too.

You know what the
funny part is, huh?

None of this matters.

Everything that we're
doing, it doesn't matter.

And nobody is going
to remember you or you

and nobody is gonna remember me.

No, everything we're
doing is pointless.

We're just killing time
until the sun eats us.

We got the shot,
let's go, let's go.

Get off, off my property.

Damn it.

I can see it now.

Crazy man yells at news crew.

We have to get
him out of there.

Let's go, come on.

Here, Mr. Coleman.

The first month is free.

Although I suppose your first
month will be your only month.

Sorry.

Thank you, Milton.

Now, can you please get off my-

Get off your property.

On it.

I'm leaving town, so
it was nice knowing...

Meeting you.

Bye.

Sorry about your house!

* We're just killing time
until the sun eats us *

Jesus.

What?

Dad's gone viral.

Is that good?

Going viral is great

for everyone except
the person going viral.

Spence, hey, hey man.

You okay?

Top of the world, Kenny.

Couldn't be better.

Why do you ask?

You're...

You're kind of famous.

What even happened last night?

How did we get out of the...

There was a car chase and...

You haven't heard, have you?

It's official.

Oneonta has been removed
from the United States.

Yeah.

We have a president
that would rather ignore

the whole situation
than deal with it.

So as a result, we're
our own country now.

Yeah.

I guess the spooks were
out of their jurisdiction

and had to turn back.

Meanwhile, Kim's
evacuating everyone

that's left in town
to the caverns.

So will I see you there?

Look, Spence, man.

I think you put up a good fight
and did everything you can,

even including trusting
your crazy neighbor

on a slight chance
that he was right.

Dude, he was wrong.

You have a family, man,

and that's way more important
than a house full of stuff.

It figures.

We move everything up here

just to have it
destroyed, you know?

You ever seen a hearse

with a trailer hitch
attached to it?

It's just stuff, man.

And as for the house, you know,

it's nowhere near as important
as the people inside of it.

Right?

I'll see you the caverns?

Yeah.

I just have to
say goodbye first.

I don't know what to
take from the house.

How about you just grab one
thing that's irreplaceable?

Irreplaceable.

Want some internet?

Extended wifi.

I'll be damned.

With the
asteroid impact imminent,

we will be off the air
until further notice.

Be safe, everyone.

This is Leslie Ann signing off.

Dad?

You came back.

We did.

I take it you saw-

We did.

Time to go, Spencer.

It's going to be okay.

Come on, everybody.

File inside in an
orderly manner, please.

Come on.

There we go.

All right.

Good.

Are you sure we're going
to be safe down here?

Seems like people are
getting a little restless.

Do you want to give
a tour or something?

Okay, sure.

I'm getting pretty
restless myself, so.

Folks, welcome to
Secret Caverns,

100 feet below the surface.

Now if you'll follow me down
the petrified escalator...

Hey, is there any wifi
I can hop on down here?

Hey, Chad, right?

Mrs. Coleman.

Hey, did you guys
ever get any internet?

We did, yeah.

Just in time for an
asteroid to hit our house.

Figures, right?

Classic.

Hey, did you see that crazy
man on the news today?

Yeah, I did actually.

That's my husband.

Spencer.

Holy shit, it's you.

Can I get a selfie?

You're famous, Dad.

Or like even a video
would be awesome.

Is that okay?

Yeah, sure, whatever.

We're just killing time
until the sun eats us all.

I feel like I'm
married to a celebrity.

Thanks, man.

This is going to
get so many likes.

It's weird that you guys don't
have service up here though,

because they put the tower
up there real recently.

This is awesome.

I'm going to go post this.

Thank you so much, man.

So?

Mom, stop.

Yeah, I'm just going to
hang back and wait for Chad.

The caverns began forming

approximately six
million years ago,

long before the wooly mammoth,
but long after the dinosaurs.

The caverns were
discovered in 1928,

when two bovine explorers
fell through the ground.

Bovine explorers?

Cows.

Apart from the stalactites
and the stalagmites-

What's on your mind, Spence?

How's there no cell service

when they just built
a brand new tower?

Maybe it's not activated yet.

Maybe.

The cavern's mining
rough will reveal garnets,

rose quartz, fools gold,
emeralds, aquamarines, and more.

Maybe.

Maybe I am just a crazy old man

and it's a downward
spiral from here.

Be standing on the
corner in my bathrobe,

flashing all the ladies.

I like
your bathrobe though.

I'm changing my last name.

In fact, if some of you
remember, a few decades ago,

a group of geologists
discovered a vast deposit

of rare minerals
underneath Oneonta.

The potential dollar
value was so high

that it could not be calculated.

Why didn't they dig for it?

I'm sure they
would have loved to.

The only problem is there's
all these houses in the way.

What was that?

Can't dig for precious metals

if everyone's
living on top of it.

I got to go.

What?

Where?

I just have to make
sure I'm not crazy.

You are, absolutely.

Spencer, we came
all the way back here

to make sure you were safe

and now you're just
going to leave us again?

Just stay here, okay?

I'll be fast.

I have to...

I think I can save the house.

Just wait for me right here.

You go after him.

Dad!

Kenny.

Do you have bolt cutters?

Yeah.

Meet me in the truck.

What, we're leaving right now?

Zoe, what are you doing?

You don't have time.

Zoe, you have to
trust me on this.

It's going to eat away at
me forever if I don't try.

You know what really
eats away at someone?

An asteroid.

I'll be back.

I promise.

Ever since we got here,

it's like all you care
about is this house.

It's like Mom and
I don't even exist.

It's kind of turned
you into an asshole.

Zoe.

I love you.

Hey, bolt cutter delivery.

But why?
Let's go.

Where are you two
scurrying off to?

Man, so many likes.

Great.

Battery's almost dead.

You get the Pro
or the Pro Max?

The Pro, why?

Pro sucks.

You suck.

Max is 3% more battery life.

Wow, a whole 3%?

Well, 3% would come in
pretty handy right about now,

wouldn't it?

Whatcha watching?

Where we going, Spence?

Cell phone tower.

Care to elaborate?

'Cause this isn't normal.

None of this is
normal, my entire life.

It hasn't been normal
since I moved here.

And the only thing I can think
of to fix this crazy problem

is this crazy solution.

Simple.

Why am I not
hearing any of this?

Oh, I'll be damned.

The person who knows
everything doesn't know

what's going on right now.

Maybe it's because your
ears are a lot closer

to the ground than mine are.

Whatever, look, as long
as we're back in time, okay?

You know, asteroid?

We'll make it.

This is News
Channel One reporting

from the US Oneonta border

where we are only a short
time away from impact.

As you can see behind me,

people are still
scrambling to evacuate.

We'll be setting up
our remote cameras

and then moving off
to a safe distance.

We'll talk to you soon.

You sure you set this up
with enough headroom, right?

I mean, you realize we're
talking an asteroid.

Boom, big mushroom cloud.

Hey.

Wasn't that?

Hey, saw your family
pass a few minutes ago.

Oh, no, I don't have a family.

No, I just have two people

who do whatever
the hell they want

and we just happen to
live in the same house.

Well, we did live
in the same house

until it was to get
blown up by an asteroid.

It's okay, Lynn, it's okay.

No, it's not.

It's not okay.

I have totally lost control.

I have completely lost control.

I've just been trying
to optimism my way

through this whole thing and
it has finally caught up to me.

Mayor, I just, I
just wanted a garden.

Are you okay?

You seem like you might be
a little claustrophobic.

No, I'm definitely
claustrophobic.

All right, now what?

I have no idea.

Just looks like
it doesn't belong.

I don't know, it looks
like it belongs to me.

Technically speaking,
something that doesn't belong

would want to look
like it does belong.

Okay, well, how about you
guys stop saying the word belong

and help me out here?

No service.

Yeah, I got nothing neither.

Wilson?

I don't carry one of
those things around.

Are you nuts?

So we've got a brand new
cell tower, no cell service,

and a gigantic mineral
deposit underneath Oneonta.

Oh, and an asteroid coming.

Soon.

Asteroid comes soon.

What's the missing piece here?

Well, did they
give you a timeline

of how long we
would be down here?

No.

No.

I'm kind of winging it at this
point, if I'm being honest.

I'm sorry.

Pressure of a family is a lot

but I can't imagine the
pressure of an entire town,

especially in this situation.

How are you doing this?

I drink a lot of wine.

Did you bring any?

No, no.

I should have though.

Hey, maybe they
have some upstairs.

All right, Wilson.

You've had your ear to the
ground this whole time.

What do you think?

All right.

Spitballing here.

I would imagine that the
electronic interference

you've been experiencing

on your property is
the direct byproduct

of a mineral deposit discovered
decades ago in Oneonta.

And my readings seem to
indicate that your house,

if you'll excuse the
expression, is ground zero.

Somebody somewhere wants to
get underneath your land.

And they found the perfect
cover to do it under.

So damn, so this is
the gravity device.

Something like that.

The asteroid probably shares
some property with the mineral,

so it's more like a magnet.

Well, whatever it is,

we got to get inside and take
a closer look at this thing.

Kenny?

If this thing is the culprit,

we should be able to
just cut the power

and the asteroid
will go off course.

Well, whatever it takes,

if it means saving the house.

Wait, wait, wait, Spence,
hold on, wait a minute.

Are we here to save your
house or to save the town?

You said the house.

I did.

But yeah, man, but
what about my house?

What about dickhead's house?

What about my store?

Shit.

Sorry.

More importantly, have you
thought about what happens

if you do kill the power?

What is this?

Casual Friday?

We're off the clock.

This is civilian conversation.

Oh, I see what
you're doing here,

it's that reverse psychology.

Just regular
psychology. Mr. Coleman.

What happens if you do manage

to knock the asteroid
off its course?

I don't know.

Maybe it flies past
Earth and hits Uranus.

You do realize it's a little
too late for that, right?

All you're going to do
is take out another town

or another city that hasn't
been preparing for this.

You're one stubborn son
of a bitch, Mr. Coleman.

It seems like no matter
how hard they tried

to scare you off, you
just stayed behind.

And everyone was supposed
to just leave town,

make things easy.

Guys, we should
probably be going.

Wait, what are you implying?

You still haven't
figured it out, huh?

I think you're going to find
that when all is said and done,

you'll be in a much better
position than you realize.

Oh yeah.

Chopper's waiting.

Look forward to negotiating.

She was right.

Who?

Zoe.

I've been an asshole.

Maybe.

But maybe this is a situation
where everyone's an asshole.

Yeah, but at least you're
about to be rich assholes.

What do you mean by that?

The minerals
underneath your house?

I assume that's why you
bought it in the first place.

Oh my God.

Oh my, guys, the whole reason

that the mining company was
a bust in the first place was

because all the
houses in the way.

And now there won't
be any houses.

And we're our own country now,

which means the
government can't come in

and claim eminent domain.

And Kenny, you own
the only business

with the ability to
clean up the mess

and get that shit out of the
ground once the dust settles.

So, you're welcome.

Uh, guys?

The asteroid?

Thought you knew where
you were going, genius.

I do know where we're going,

it's just, I must've taken a
wrong turn somewhere up here.

I'm just trying to figure
it out on the maps,

which unfortunately I
don't have any service,

so give me a second.

So you don't know
where you're going.

I know exactly
where we're going.

We're going to the caverns.

It's a few minutes away.

I just took a wrong
turn somewhere.

Listen, Christopher Columbus.

At this rate, you're not
going to get us anywhere.

Hey, is that crazy Coleman?

Come on, we gotta stop him.

Hey, stop, stop!

Stop, in the name of
the first amendment!

Come on, get over here.

Are you guys insane?

There's an asteroid coming.

We're just minutes
away from impact

and we are here live
with Mr. Coleman.

Mr. Coleman, you've
become quite a celebrity

since the last time we saw you.

Do you have any comments for us?

Yeah.

Yeah, I have some
comments for you.

Yeah.

I guess your job is about

to get a whole lot
more complicated, huh?

Why's that?

The whole being removed
from the United States thing?

What does that even mean?

We're the country
of Oneonta now?

I'm not sure.

It's not like I got a call

from the United
Nations or anything.

We'll just have
to figure that out

after the dust settles, I guess.

What do you call the
mayor of a country?

Wait, isn't that
your husband again?

Do you have any
comments for us?

Yeah.

Yeah, I have some
comments for you.

Yeah.

I was wrong.

Could
you just repeat that?

I said I was wrong.

Your dad's in the news again.

I moved my family up
here for a simple life.

And it backfired.

They think I'm an
absolute lunatic.

They're right.

Lynn, Zoe, I hope
you're watching.

I love you so much.

I'm so, so sorry.

I was so focused on
the stupid house,

I forgot about
the people inside.

So you know, go ahead.

Take my house, wipe it off
the face of the planet.

If it takes an asteroid
to destroy everything,

to make things right, so be it.

I don't know what's going to
happen when this thing hits.

It doesn't matter

because I think we're
going to be all right.

'Cause we'll rebuild.

We're not gonna rebuild
the way things were.

We're gonna build
something better, together.

Now, if you'll excuse me, I
have a family to get back to.

Oh, I'm sorry about
the shoe and the truck.

Yeah.

And there you have it, folks.

Let's get the hell out of here.

Man, your dad is so cool.

Really, you think so?

Yeah, I mean, look at him.

He's clearly not afraid
to say what's on his mind

and he looks like he cares a
lot about you and your mom.

I guess.

I don't know, to me, he's
just always been Dad.

Here's the thing
about parents though.

It's like you get 30,
maybe 40 years with them,

if you're lucky.

You spend the first 10
just crawling around,

not knowing what's going on.

Then the next 10,
you hate their guts.

Then I don't know,

I think you just spend the
rest of the time you have

with them just trying
to make up for it.

So you and your dad get along?

No, my dad's a moron.

But we're working on it.

Zoe!

Lynn.

Hey.

You made it back.

I'm back.

Nice speech.

High five.

Don't make it weird, Dad.

So this is it?

This is it.

Oh, sorry, I didn't know
we were doing a thing.

Let's go inside.