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1
00:00:03,840 --> 00:00:05,680
Oh, oh!
2
00:00:05,720 --> 00:00:07,040
Oh!
3
00:00:11,680 --> 00:00:13,240
Ugh!
4
00:00:13,280 --> 00:00:15,000
{\an1}HE SCOFFS
5
00:00:20,720 --> 00:00:22,480
Come on!
6
00:00:22,520 --> 00:00:23,720
Yes!
7
00:00:23,760 --> 00:00:25,160
Hurray.
8
00:00:25,200 --> 00:00:27,600
{\an1}CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
9
00:00:35,520 --> 00:00:36,920
Hello, friends.
10
00:00:36,960 --> 00:00:40,120
I'm Greg Davies and this is
the lovely new series of Taskmaster.
11
00:00:40,160 --> 00:00:43,160
The run is now
a massive ten episodes in length.
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00:00:43,200 --> 00:00:44,280
{\an1}INTAKE OF BREATH
13
00:00:44,320 --> 00:00:45,400
AUDIENCE: Ooh!
14
00:00:45,440 --> 00:00:47,280
So, enjoy this energy
while it's real,
15
00:00:47,320 --> 00:00:51,240
and then enjoy watching me trying to
sustain it as the weeks pass by.
16
00:00:51,280 --> 00:00:52,720
{\an1}HE SIGHS
17
00:00:52,760 --> 00:00:56,600
Five box-fresh competitors
have been completing some fiendish
18
00:00:56,640 --> 00:00:58,280
tasks for me to judge.
19
00:00:58,320 --> 00:01:01,360
And I am so ready to do that.
So ready.
20
00:01:02,800 --> 00:01:06,920
So, let's meet the quintet
tussling for the Taskmaster trophy.
21
00:01:06,960 --> 00:01:09,360
Your five rookie rivals are...
22
00:01:09,400 --> 00:01:10,760
Alice Levine!
23
00:01:10,800 --> 00:01:12,000
{\an1}CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
24
00:01:12,040 --> 00:01:14,200
Asim Chaudhry!
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
25
00:01:14,240 --> 00:01:16,440
Liza Tarbuck!
26
00:01:16,480 --> 00:01:18,280
Russell Howard!
27
00:01:18,320 --> 00:01:19,680
And Tim Vine!
28
00:01:19,720 --> 00:01:21,600
{\an1}CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
29
00:01:21,640 --> 00:01:26,600
And I'm afraid he's back again.
It's my impersonal assistant.
30
00:01:26,640 --> 00:01:30,480
HE SINGS: # He says he's tall, but
he's not tall,
31
00:01:30,520 --> 00:01:33,000
# It's little Alex Horne. #
32
00:01:33,040 --> 00:01:35,240
{\an1}CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
33
00:01:35,280 --> 00:01:37,400
Good singing.
34
00:01:38,640 --> 00:01:41,040
I'm not little. I'm six foot two
and overweight. Yeah?
35
00:01:41,080 --> 00:01:43,480
And now, because you call me
Little Alex Horne this much,
36
00:01:43,520 --> 00:01:45,960
everyone calls me now Little
Alex Horne. But you are little.
37
00:01:46,000 --> 00:01:48,640
I'm not little. My children,
my children don't call me Daddy now.
38
00:01:48,680 --> 00:01:50,320
They call me Little Alex Horne.
39
00:01:50,360 --> 00:01:51,400
{\an1}LAUGHTER
40
00:01:51,440 --> 00:01:54,520
It's completely true.
It's completely... I hope they do.
41
00:01:54,560 --> 00:01:56,320
They do, and they call you daddy.
42
00:01:57,800 --> 00:01:59,520
Genuinely true. Shall we crack on?
43
00:01:59,560 --> 00:02:02,520
Yes, we're going to begin with
the prize task.
44
00:02:02,560 --> 00:02:05,320
Pause in case of the cheer.
OK, so our...
45
00:02:05,360 --> 00:02:07,320
{\an1}LAUGHTER
46
00:02:07,360 --> 00:02:10,280
The new gang are not only
playing for the fancy series trophy,
47
00:02:10,320 --> 00:02:12,840
but every episode they also compete
to win each other's stuff.
48
00:02:12,880 --> 00:02:15,000
Today, to christen the series,
we've asked them
49
00:02:15,040 --> 00:02:18,520
to bring in the best liquid.
Wow. Yes.
50
00:02:18,560 --> 00:02:21,240
Everyone knows the Taskmaster loves
his liquid, so whoever...
51
00:02:21,280 --> 00:02:23,800
Oh, mmm-mmm, I do.
52
00:02:23,840 --> 00:02:25,440
Whoever he thinks has the best
liquid
53
00:02:25,480 --> 00:02:27,280
will get the first five
points of the series.
54
00:02:27,320 --> 00:02:28,560
{\an1}LAUGHTER
55
00:02:28,600 --> 00:02:29,880
And at the end of the episode,
56
00:02:29,920 --> 00:02:32,360
the winner will take home
gallons of lovely fluid.
57
00:02:33,480 --> 00:02:36,840
Lovely. Lovely. Let's hear from you
lot, shall we? Alice Levine?
58
00:02:36,880 --> 00:02:41,880
I've gone for blood. Oh. We can see
it. First of all. There it is.
59
00:02:41,920 --> 00:02:44,640
And then it's... "Whose blood
is it?" is the obvious question.
60
00:02:44,680 --> 00:02:46,320
That's mine.
61
00:02:46,360 --> 00:02:47,480
Wow.
62
00:02:47,520 --> 00:02:50,240
I didn't really know what the
definition of best was,
63
00:02:50,280 --> 00:02:52,360
which is obviously
the aim of the game. Oh.
64
00:02:52,400 --> 00:02:54,640
So I asked my friend who's
a teacher,
65
00:02:54,680 --> 00:02:57,840
who obviously knows everything,
so, yeah, she just kind of did
66
00:02:57,880 --> 00:03:01,400
some scientific research to decide
that blood was the best.
67
00:03:01,440 --> 00:03:03,280
Do you want me
to show the scientific working?
68
00:03:03,320 --> 00:03:05,320
Oh, yeah, we've got a graph.
I've got the data.
69
00:03:05,360 --> 00:03:06,880
{\an1}LAUGHTER
70
00:03:10,280 --> 00:03:12,960
Custard is a controversial one,
obviously.
71
00:03:13,000 --> 00:03:14,440
It depends whether it's hot or cold.
72
00:03:14,480 --> 00:03:18,440
So, you decided you'd bring blood on
and then you got a teacher to...
73
00:03:18,480 --> 00:03:21,720
To do your work for you without
justification.
74
00:03:22,760 --> 00:03:25,520
OK, that's a really unusual
phrasing of what happened.
75
00:03:26,680 --> 00:03:30,400
I used to be a teacher, Alice.
Let's get this on record now.
76
00:03:30,440 --> 00:03:31,720
They know fuck all.
77
00:03:33,880 --> 00:03:37,080
Nice. Asim, can you beat
a vial of blood for a best liquid?
78
00:03:37,120 --> 00:03:41,400
It's my own vape juice that I got
made for my character, Chabuddy G,
79
00:03:41,440 --> 00:03:44,520
and his thing is, like, peanut dust
and everyone was, like,
80
00:03:44,560 --> 00:03:46,720
"You've got to start doing peanut
dust vape, bro."
81
00:03:46,760 --> 00:03:50,000
So, we got some mad scientist,
Vape Lord, to get, like,
82
00:03:50,040 --> 00:03:52,680
make peanut dust vape
with my face on it.
83
00:03:52,720 --> 00:03:55,480
And now very cleverly you're
advertising it at our expense.
84
00:03:55,520 --> 00:03:58,080
Yeah, yeah.
LAUGHTER
85
00:03:58,120 --> 00:04:00,640
So, there we go, yeah.
86
00:04:00,680 --> 00:04:02,960
Does it actually contain peanuts?
No. No.
87
00:04:05,440 --> 00:04:07,200
Do you want to move on to Liza?
Yes, I do.
88
00:04:07,240 --> 00:04:11,160
Liza Tarbuck, welcome. Thanks very
much. Liquids, are you a fan?
89
00:04:11,200 --> 00:04:13,600
Best liquid, there is no liquid.
90
00:04:13,640 --> 00:04:17,680
There isn't any blood or
vape or anything without water.
91
00:04:17,720 --> 00:04:20,280
So I researched very heavily,
92
00:04:20,320 --> 00:04:23,360
where's the cleanest water on the
planet?
93
00:04:23,400 --> 00:04:26,080
And what is it? There it is. Oh,
hello. It's an official place.
94
00:04:26,120 --> 00:04:30,200
It's from the Cabo de Hornos...
Yeah. ..nature reserve in Chile.
95
00:04:30,240 --> 00:04:34,080
And why is this water special?
It's cos it's proper clean.
96
00:04:34,120 --> 00:04:35,760
{\an1}LAUGHTER
97
00:04:37,160 --> 00:04:40,920
Liza, sometimes when
someone's made minimal effort, it...
98
00:04:40,960 --> 00:04:42,520
{\an1}LAUGHTER
99
00:04:42,560 --> 00:04:45,960
They can crash high into the ranks.
Russell, what have you brought in?
100
00:04:46,000 --> 00:04:48,680
I think
the best liquid in the world for me
101
00:04:48,720 --> 00:04:51,040
would have to be Brut for men.
102
00:04:52,400 --> 00:04:54,760
It's an aftershave.
There it is. Yeah. Class.
103
00:04:54,800 --> 00:04:58,240
I remember splashing it all over
myself for the first time in 1988.
104
00:04:58,280 --> 00:05:02,880
I was eight and my dad gave me some
and said, "Get some of that on you."
105
00:05:02,920 --> 00:05:05,880
And I kind of splashed it on,
went into school and just...
106
00:05:05,920 --> 00:05:08,320
Your dad is Phil Mitchell
from EastEnders. That's right.
107
00:05:08,360 --> 00:05:10,200
{\an1}LAUGHTER
108
00:05:10,240 --> 00:05:12,920
It was the only aftershave you could
buy when I was a young man,
109
00:05:12,960 --> 00:05:15,720
which is why I didn't
lose my virginity till I was 35.
110
00:05:16,840 --> 00:05:19,440
Tim Vine now. Tim, well,
a lot of pressure here.
111
00:05:19,480 --> 00:05:20,920
Well, I don't feel it, because
112
00:05:20,960 --> 00:05:23,560
I feel like I've gone slightly
left-field with this.
113
00:05:23,600 --> 00:05:26,520
It's something that I've invented.
Fizzy Benylin.
114
00:05:26,560 --> 00:05:28,160
{\an1}LAUGHTER
115
00:05:29,400 --> 00:05:31,040
Shut up.
116
00:05:32,760 --> 00:05:34,360
Because, if you start at
the beginning,
117
00:05:34,400 --> 00:05:35,720
everybody loves cough
mixture.
118
00:05:35,760 --> 00:05:38,760
I genuinely do love
Benylin. Here it is.
119
00:05:38,800 --> 00:05:40,360
Will you see it on the screen?
120
00:05:41,640 --> 00:05:43,800
That is incredible.
APPLAUSE
121
00:05:43,840 --> 00:05:47,160
I mean, the process
wasn't as hard as you might think.
122
00:05:47,200 --> 00:05:52,680
I poured half of it away
and then added fizzy water.
123
00:05:52,720 --> 00:05:55,960
Do you want to judge it?
It's really tricky. I'm going to...
124
00:05:56,000 --> 00:05:59,360
The idea of inhaling peanuts
disgusts me.
125
00:05:59,400 --> 00:06:04,560
I had a very unfortunate personal
experience with Brut back in 1983.
126
00:06:04,600 --> 00:06:07,080
Oh, well, let's have that.
Come on. What's the story?
127
00:06:07,120 --> 00:06:08,840
Tough shit, I'm Taskmaster.
128
00:06:12,480 --> 00:06:14,440
It's a personal opinion and some of
these rounds
129
00:06:14,480 --> 00:06:15,880
are based on my personal opinion.
130
00:06:15,920 --> 00:06:18,360
And I'll tell you this.
There's nothing you can do about it.
131
00:06:18,400 --> 00:06:19,840
{\an1}LAUGHTER
132
00:06:21,480 --> 00:06:23,560
OK, well, I'm going
to put them in joint last, so...
133
00:06:23,600 --> 00:06:25,560
Russell and Asim in joint
last with one point?
134
00:06:25,600 --> 00:06:28,080
I'm going
to put Liza's life force next up.
135
00:06:29,880 --> 00:06:31,480
Next up from joint last? Yes, I am.
136
00:06:31,520 --> 00:06:33,280
And then I'm going to put
Alice with blood.
137
00:06:33,320 --> 00:06:36,480
And I know that Benylin isn't more
important than blood or water,
138
00:06:36,520 --> 00:06:39,640
but Tim very cleverly just
tapped into something.
139
00:06:39,680 --> 00:06:42,320
OK, so, three to Liza, four for
Alison, five points to Tim Vine.
140
00:06:42,360 --> 00:06:44,360
There, it's done.
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
141
00:06:46,480 --> 00:06:48,120
Alex, what treat do
we have in store?
142
00:06:48,160 --> 00:06:50,120
What's the first task
proper of the series?
143
00:06:50,160 --> 00:06:52,240
Oh, it's something wheelie
wheelie good.
144
00:06:56,080 --> 00:06:57,280
{\an1}HELICOPTER BLADES WHIR
145
00:07:13,880 --> 00:07:16,320
{\an1}SULTRY SAX BLUES PLAY
146
00:07:27,960 --> 00:07:29,400
What an entrance. Thank you.
147
00:07:31,000 --> 00:07:32,200
Thank you.
148
00:07:36,280 --> 00:07:38,560
{\an1}HE LAUGHS
149
00:07:38,600 --> 00:07:40,360
Flipping heck!
150
00:07:40,400 --> 00:07:45,440
"Perform the best stunt, using this
wheelbarrow. You have one hour.
151
00:07:46,600 --> 00:07:48,840
"Your time starts now."
152
00:07:48,880 --> 00:07:50,400
Oh, God.
153
00:07:50,440 --> 00:07:53,040
I do all my own stunts, by the way.
154
00:07:53,080 --> 00:07:54,600
I'm thinking height.
155
00:07:54,640 --> 00:07:58,080
OK. We could go past and I have to
be, oh, shit.
156
00:07:58,120 --> 00:08:01,640
So, if I'm kind of stood in it,
and you're kind of p...
157
00:08:03,440 --> 00:08:05,720
Meh.
158
00:08:05,760 --> 00:08:07,760
{\an1}CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
159
00:08:09,280 --> 00:08:13,200
That explained all the sexy filming
of you bringing the wheelbarrow in.
160
00:08:13,240 --> 00:08:15,840
Yeah, I... You said to spice it up
this series. No, I didn't.
161
00:08:15,880 --> 00:08:20,000
So I took my... I took my jacket off
and then I played the saxophone...
162
00:08:20,040 --> 00:08:22,000
Oh, that's you playing, is it? Yeah.
163
00:08:23,600 --> 00:08:25,000
Do you like it? I don't like it.
164
00:08:26,400 --> 00:08:29,120
You have plenty of opportunity
to be sexy at home.
165
00:08:29,160 --> 00:08:30,320
{\an1}LAUGHTER
166
00:08:31,440 --> 00:08:32,640
Shall we see one?
167
00:08:32,680 --> 00:08:35,040
OK, well, Asim Chaudhry says he's
going to do something
168
00:08:35,080 --> 00:08:36,600
that's sick like in an action film.
169
00:08:36,640 --> 00:08:39,920
Yeah. Sick, man. Let's do it. Yeah?
Here it is. Oh.
170
00:08:52,160 --> 00:08:54,080
Sometimes you've just got
to be a hero.
171
00:08:57,440 --> 00:08:58,560
Coming, baby!
172
00:09:20,360 --> 00:09:21,480
{\an1}CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
173
00:09:24,160 --> 00:09:26,960
It is very rare that something gets
filmed in slow motion
174
00:09:27,000 --> 00:09:30,280
and doesn't look spectacular.
I know, that's what I was thinking.
175
00:09:30,320 --> 00:09:33,320
It was really...
It looks shit, even in slow motion.
176
00:09:33,360 --> 00:09:35,400
But let's dig
deeper into the narrative,
177
00:09:35,440 --> 00:09:37,240
cos there was a narrative going on
there.
178
00:09:37,280 --> 00:09:40,080
Yeah, kind of, it was like damsel
in distress, tied up...
179
00:09:40,120 --> 00:09:41,240
But was she in distress?
180
00:09:41,280 --> 00:09:43,680
Cos she looked like she was just
standing by a bath.
181
00:09:45,400 --> 00:09:47,920
Well done, Asim. It's all about
having a go, innit, sometimes?
182
00:09:47,960 --> 00:09:49,000
You've got to give it a go.
183
00:09:49,040 --> 00:09:50,560
{\an1}LAUGHTER
184
00:09:50,600 --> 00:09:54,200
Who's next? Alice? OK,
this is Alice's wheelbarrow stunt.
185
00:09:55,840 --> 00:09:57,000
Are you sure?
186
00:09:57,040 --> 00:10:00,640
This could either be spectacular
or a disaster,
187
00:10:00,680 --> 00:10:02,800
but I think it's going to be
spectacular.
188
00:10:02,840 --> 00:10:04,320
OK, I'm not a very good driver.
189
00:10:04,360 --> 00:10:07,520
You've just got to do something
very simple. Straight, OK?
190
00:10:07,560 --> 00:10:10,560
Straight and fast. Just do it fast.
OK. Good luck.
191
00:10:10,600 --> 00:10:12,920
Just do it.
192
00:10:16,760 --> 00:10:18,960
Goodbye, Alice. Goodbye.
193
00:10:21,160 --> 00:10:23,040
Ready? Ready.
194
00:10:38,320 --> 00:10:40,160
{\an1}APPLAUSE
195
00:10:49,320 --> 00:10:50,360
Wow!
196
00:10:50,400 --> 00:10:52,880
{\an1}CHEERING
197
00:10:54,480 --> 00:10:56,560
Very popular with the audience.
198
00:10:56,600 --> 00:10:59,600
Don't you worry, Asim, you're still
in the game.
199
00:10:59,640 --> 00:11:03,000
Give her the points now, mate.
That was incredible.
200
00:11:03,040 --> 00:11:05,440
Let's stop there for some
incredible adverts,
201
00:11:05,480 --> 00:11:07,280
have a great time watching them!
202
00:11:17,880 --> 00:11:21,160
Hello! And welcome back
to Taskmaster.
203
00:11:21,200 --> 00:11:23,120
It's our first part two of the run
204
00:11:23,160 --> 00:11:27,600
and the race is on to take home
Tim Vine's fizzy Benylin.
205
00:11:27,640 --> 00:11:29,240
Not for the first time, I suspect,
206
00:11:29,280 --> 00:11:32,360
Alex, would you mind reminding us
of the current tasks?
207
00:11:32,400 --> 00:11:34,080
Stunts, that's the current task.
208
00:11:34,120 --> 00:11:36,920
Wheelbarrow-based stunts,
to be more accurate,
209
00:11:36,960 --> 00:11:38,320
and the headlines so far -
210
00:11:38,360 --> 00:11:39,880
Radio One DJ chopped in half
211
00:11:39,920 --> 00:11:42,360
and Kurupt FM collaborator cycled
slowly and carefully
212
00:11:42,400 --> 00:11:43,960
through a light rubber brick wall.
213
00:11:47,280 --> 00:11:50,000
Very accurate assessment. You
want to see Liza next?
214
00:11:50,040 --> 00:11:51,440
Yes, please. This is what she did.
215
00:11:51,480 --> 00:11:52,760
Uh-oh.
216
00:11:53,840 --> 00:11:56,800
Can we make a zipwire?
217
00:11:56,840 --> 00:11:59,480
Did you want it to deliver
something down the zipwire?
218
00:11:59,520 --> 00:12:01,880
I think it should always
deliver something.
219
00:12:01,920 --> 00:12:05,680
Are we thinking wheelbarrow
and black chocolates?
220
00:12:05,720 --> 00:12:06,760
I was.
221
00:12:11,440 --> 00:12:13,320
I know what I want.
222
00:12:18,040 --> 00:12:20,600
Good luck, lads.
Straight up, please.
223
00:12:25,600 --> 00:12:28,680
That looks great, actually,
doesn't it?
224
00:12:28,720 --> 00:12:30,520
Release the fly!
225
00:12:35,960 --> 00:12:38,080
Oh, hello!
226
00:12:44,480 --> 00:12:46,320
Your chocolates have arrived.
227
00:12:52,920 --> 00:12:54,400
Thank you, Liza.
228
00:12:55,840 --> 00:12:57,720
{\an1}APPLAUSE
229
00:12:57,760 --> 00:13:00,000
Bit odd.
230
00:13:00,040 --> 00:13:04,520
In 2010, I had to have one
of my kidneys removed.
231
00:13:04,560 --> 00:13:05,600
Did you? Yeah, I did.
232
00:13:05,640 --> 00:13:08,440
It's the only time I can remember
thinking things like that
233
00:13:08,480 --> 00:13:10,920
was when I was coming round from
total anaesthetic.
234
00:13:10,960 --> 00:13:13,720
I just wanted to stick things
on a wheelbarrow.
235
00:13:15,560 --> 00:13:16,800
You didn't, actually.
236
00:13:16,840 --> 00:13:19,480
You specifically wanted to create
a creature.
237
00:13:19,520 --> 00:13:22,040
Can we have a look at Liza's
creature?
238
00:13:25,040 --> 00:13:28,960
Now what is that, Liza? It's like
a sort of fly. It's a giant fly.
239
00:13:29,000 --> 00:13:31,720
Like a fly. It's like a fly
that's just run a marathon.
240
00:13:34,320 --> 00:13:37,000
It's also got human hands.
241
00:13:38,760 --> 00:13:40,200
Yeah.
242
00:13:40,240 --> 00:13:41,440
So what?
243
00:13:42,920 --> 00:13:45,680
Who's next? Have you ever heard
of Russell Howard?
244
00:13:45,720 --> 00:13:47,320
I believe I have.
245
00:13:48,880 --> 00:13:53,040
So it's already dangerous but we're
going to make it even more dangerous
246
00:13:53,080 --> 00:13:54,840
with the help of booze and fags,
247
00:13:54,880 --> 00:13:58,640
because we have a swig of gin,
then we light up some cigarettes,
248
00:13:58,680 --> 00:14:01,360
then I get into the shark-filled
wheelbarrow
249
00:14:01,400 --> 00:14:04,520
and I go straight into the wheelie
bin of brick-filled doom.
250
00:14:04,560 --> 00:14:06,080
Brick-filled doom?
251
00:14:06,120 --> 00:14:07,120
Gin first.
252
00:14:11,480 --> 00:14:14,200
Right, now we light up. Blow back?
253
00:14:14,240 --> 00:14:17,360
I don't know how this works.
You first?
254
00:14:19,000 --> 00:14:22,040
Can't reach! I just feel like a
dickhead.
255
00:14:22,080 --> 00:14:23,400
I'm lit.
256
00:14:25,840 --> 00:14:26,840
Jesus.
257
00:14:29,840 --> 00:14:30,840
You in?
258
00:14:30,880 --> 00:14:32,080
Nope.
259
00:14:33,800 --> 00:14:34,800
She's lit.
260
00:14:42,480 --> 00:14:44,000
Faster!
261
00:15:01,160 --> 00:15:02,960
Now that's a stunt.
262
00:15:04,280 --> 00:15:06,680
Dangerous, sexy,
the fucking lot, that.
263
00:15:11,280 --> 00:15:15,400
Oh, man, and I'm genuinely irritated
that you have managed to make
264
00:15:15,440 --> 00:15:19,400
falling out of a wheelbarrow with
a cuddly shark look quite cool.
265
00:15:19,440 --> 00:15:20,840
Yeah!
266
00:15:20,880 --> 00:15:24,240
Who's next? It's time for Timmy.
267
00:15:24,280 --> 00:15:26,400
I'm just going to have
a look in the tool-shed.
268
00:15:36,600 --> 00:15:39,640
When I begin to make my descent,
269
00:15:39,680 --> 00:15:43,160
I want you to throw those four
tennis balls at me, please, Alex.
270
00:15:43,200 --> 00:15:44,680
OK.
271
00:15:44,720 --> 00:15:46,360
Right. Are you ready?
272
00:15:47,920 --> 00:15:49,760
This stunt is called Sledge Ravine.
273
00:15:49,800 --> 00:15:50,800
Sledge Ravine.
274
00:15:56,320 --> 00:15:58,360
Sledge Ravine, start!
275
00:15:58,400 --> 00:15:59,640
Tennis ball!
276
00:16:10,080 --> 00:16:13,880
{\an1}APPLAUSE
277
00:16:13,920 --> 00:16:17,080
We established a base line
with yours. Yeah.
278
00:16:17,120 --> 00:16:18,760
It was shit.
279
00:16:18,800 --> 00:16:21,560
The question is...
280
00:16:21,600 --> 00:16:23,920
..did Tim Vine limbo under it?
281
00:16:25,320 --> 00:16:29,360
Did he come back round because it
was so shit?
282
00:16:29,400 --> 00:16:32,800
Also, mine had my name on it because
Vine is in the word "Ravine."
283
00:16:32,840 --> 00:16:37,160
I've just thought of that now,
I didn't think of that earlier.
284
00:16:37,200 --> 00:16:39,480
And my middle name is Sledge,
coincidentally.
285
00:16:41,000 --> 00:16:43,400
So is it Tim in first, is it?
286
00:16:43,440 --> 00:16:45,400
I can't believe I'm even
contemplating it,
287
00:16:45,440 --> 00:16:46,720
but he's sort of won me over.
288
00:16:48,480 --> 00:16:50,040
In first?
289
00:16:50,080 --> 00:16:52,080
I said I'm contemplating. OK.
290
00:16:52,120 --> 00:16:55,520
Of course! Of course Tim's not
going to be in first.
291
00:16:55,560 --> 00:16:57,520
OK, here we go.
Asim, clearly in last.
292
00:16:57,560 --> 00:17:00,600
But I'm very fond of you.
293
00:17:02,080 --> 00:17:05,720
Sledge Ravine, of course,
comes next. Two points.
294
00:17:05,760 --> 00:17:07,200
Oh... Are you OK?
295
00:17:10,160 --> 00:17:13,560
I'm OK with it. OK, Liza.
296
00:17:13,600 --> 00:17:15,440
In third, and I'll tell you,
297
00:17:15,480 --> 00:17:21,040
I am genuinely struggling
between brick-filled... Doom.
298
00:17:21,080 --> 00:17:24,240
Come on, you can't even describe it,
you're torn between the two.
299
00:17:24,280 --> 00:17:25,560
What even was it?
300
00:17:25,600 --> 00:17:28,320
That's because I'm so frightened
by all the terror that was in it.
301
00:17:28,360 --> 00:17:31,480
It had shades, it had booze, it had
fags, It had a wheelbarrow of doom,
302
00:17:31,520 --> 00:17:34,800
it had Alex Horne playing Sledge
Ravine's son.
303
00:17:34,840 --> 00:17:38,160
And that's just lost you
first place.
304
00:17:38,200 --> 00:17:39,200
Shit!
305
00:17:42,200 --> 00:17:45,520
Of course, Alice took one big idea
and she executed it beautifully,
306
00:17:45,560 --> 00:17:48,400
but you were snapping at her heels
so I'm going to put you in second
307
00:17:48,440 --> 00:17:49,800
and Alice in first.
308
00:17:53,120 --> 00:17:56,600
I think it's time, exciting, to see
the first-ever scoreboard, Alex.
309
00:17:56,640 --> 00:18:00,400
Here we go, so I think
we know who's in the lead.
310
00:18:00,440 --> 00:18:03,360
It's Alice Levine out in front,
followed by Tim Vine, Liza,
311
00:18:03,400 --> 00:18:05,680
Russell and Asim in last. Lovely!
312
00:18:05,720 --> 00:18:07,560
{\an1}APPLAUSE
313
00:18:08,840 --> 00:18:10,560
Next task is...
314
00:18:10,600 --> 00:18:14,040
It's some lab-based fruit fun.
315
00:18:27,280 --> 00:18:29,480
Asim Chaudhry. Hey, man.
How are you doing?
316
00:18:29,520 --> 00:18:31,520
All right, fitty?
317
00:18:31,560 --> 00:18:34,240
Hello, Alice.
318
00:18:34,280 --> 00:18:36,600
Lemons.
319
00:18:36,640 --> 00:18:38,040
How have I done?
320
00:18:38,080 --> 00:18:40,080
How many do you think are in there?
321
00:18:40,120 --> 00:18:41,880
How many do you think are in there?
322
00:18:41,920 --> 00:18:43,520
30,000.
323
00:18:43,560 --> 00:18:45,720
We're both drunk, it doesn't matter.
324
00:18:49,520 --> 00:18:52,760
"Make the highest tower using only
what's in the bowl.
325
00:18:52,800 --> 00:18:55,360
"You may wield the knife a maximum
of five times.
326
00:18:55,400 --> 00:18:57,440
"You have ten minutes.
Your time starts now."
327
00:18:57,480 --> 00:19:00,440
"Wield" the knife
a maximum of five times?
328
00:19:00,480 --> 00:19:04,240
You don't mean, like, Psycho?
It's up to you.
329
00:19:04,280 --> 00:19:06,680
{\an1}APPLAUSE
330
00:19:09,640 --> 00:19:11,560
So, stack some lemons up.
331
00:19:11,600 --> 00:19:13,520
18 lemons are in the bowl.
332
00:19:13,560 --> 00:19:15,080
Each about 10 centimetres tall,
333
00:19:15,120 --> 00:19:18,240
so potentially you're making
a 1.8 metre lemon tower,
334
00:19:18,280 --> 00:19:19,320
same size as me.
335
00:19:19,360 --> 00:19:22,160
We've grouped the two younger
men together, Russ
336
00:19:22,200 --> 00:19:23,560
and Ass.
337
00:19:23,600 --> 00:19:25,280
Wait, wait, wait...
338
00:19:26,720 --> 00:19:29,880
Only my mates call me that.
339
00:19:29,920 --> 00:19:33,000
We're mates but not on an ass level
yet.
340
00:19:33,040 --> 00:19:34,560
Ready to see Russell and Asim?
341
00:19:34,600 --> 00:19:35,960
Yes, please.
342
00:19:36,000 --> 00:19:38,720
Let's take that as a start.
343
00:19:38,760 --> 00:19:40,200
Everything's piss poor.
344
00:19:40,240 --> 00:19:43,200
So am I going from...? From the
bottom of the lemons.
345
00:19:43,240 --> 00:19:45,560
I'd take it on a diagonal.
Would you?
346
00:19:46,920 --> 00:19:49,240
This is my first.
347
00:19:54,280 --> 00:19:56,600
Sort of like vegan Jenga.
348
00:19:56,640 --> 00:19:58,680
Is Jenga not vegan anyway?
349
00:19:58,720 --> 00:20:01,040
Yeah, it is!
350
00:20:01,080 --> 00:20:02,840
It's a very good comeback.
351
00:20:04,080 --> 00:20:06,120
Right, second wield.
352
00:20:07,960 --> 00:20:10,200
I mean, that's 11 inches.
353
00:20:10,240 --> 00:20:12,400
It's also eight inches. Yeah.
354
00:20:15,280 --> 00:20:17,480
{\an8}What's the point of cutting it?
355
00:20:17,520 --> 00:20:19,040
{\an8}It's just a normal lemon.
356
00:20:19,080 --> 00:20:20,640
{\an8}Should have just left it.
357
00:20:33,240 --> 00:20:34,400
Shit.
358
00:20:37,720 --> 00:20:39,240
{\an8}I've just cut myself.
359
00:20:39,280 --> 00:20:40,840
{\an8}You all right? Yeah, fine.
360
00:20:40,880 --> 00:20:42,320
{\an8}Blood and bucking acid!
361
00:20:47,800 --> 00:20:50,440
Straight in my eye.
362
00:20:50,480 --> 00:20:53,360
{\an8}It stings and fucking hurts!
363
00:21:01,760 --> 00:21:03,360
It's not about the length, guys.
364
00:21:10,120 --> 00:21:12,400
Can I ask, because I was watching,
365
00:21:12,440 --> 00:21:15,480
why were you cutting them all in
half and putting them back together?
366
00:21:15,520 --> 00:21:17,120
Mate, I don't know...
367
00:21:17,160 --> 00:21:19,920
I am a lemon, right?
368
00:21:19,960 --> 00:21:22,280
That's why I fucked it up.
I'm a lemon.
369
00:21:22,320 --> 00:21:25,640
Blood and Acid,
title of your autobiography?
370
00:21:25,680 --> 00:21:28,480
It was like watching somebody have
a breakdown
371
00:21:28,520 --> 00:21:31,920
on their Blue Peter
audition tape.
372
00:21:31,960 --> 00:21:33,840
Well, that's part two dealt with.
373
00:21:33,880 --> 00:21:36,320
We'll deal with part three
very shortly.
374
00:21:36,360 --> 00:21:37,440
{\an1}APPLAUSE
375
00:21:46,480 --> 00:21:48,280
Come on in!
376
00:21:48,320 --> 00:21:51,040
Part three is here and our
competitors are bloodthirsty,
377
00:21:51,080 --> 00:21:54,080
as in,
they are playing for some blood.
378
00:21:54,120 --> 00:21:56,480
Remind us of things, please, Alex.
379
00:21:56,520 --> 00:21:58,600
We've been watching lemon tower
building, Greg.
380
00:21:58,640 --> 00:22:02,000
So far, we've had blood, swear and
tears from Asim and Russell.
381
00:22:02,040 --> 00:22:07,760
Next up we've grouped a male and a
female, Tim and Liza. Here we go.
382
00:22:11,000 --> 00:22:14,440
That's the first couple of thoughts
I've had about that.
383
00:22:17,520 --> 00:22:20,320
There's probably some clever
way of doing this.
384
00:22:20,360 --> 00:22:23,400
Perhaps I really just
do need to Jenga it up.
385
00:22:23,440 --> 00:22:25,400
Amazing what people will watch,
innit?
386
00:22:29,800 --> 00:22:31,680
That's actually gone right through.
387
00:22:33,160 --> 00:22:36,480
Not enough to sting but...
388
00:22:36,520 --> 00:22:38,720
..enough to make you think.
389
00:22:38,760 --> 00:22:40,360
We're not going to measure
your tower.
390
00:22:40,400 --> 00:22:41,560
Measure my tower?
391
00:22:41,600 --> 00:22:43,400
Yeah, have you finished?
392
00:22:43,440 --> 00:22:45,920
Oh, no, God, no, are you nuts?
393
00:22:45,960 --> 00:22:49,160
That's not a tower,
that's not even a bungalow.
394
00:22:51,280 --> 00:22:53,000
Knife's a bit pointless, innit?
395
00:22:55,240 --> 00:22:59,760
That would be a bit poor,
wouldn't it? I like that less.
396
00:22:59,800 --> 00:23:00,880
I've ruined it now.
397
00:23:02,240 --> 00:23:04,680
That wasn't a wield,
I didn't press it in.
398
00:23:04,720 --> 00:23:06,080
Nearly a wield. Nearly a wield.
399
00:23:06,120 --> 00:23:08,120
There's a wield of difference.
400
00:23:13,040 --> 00:23:14,920
If you were a carver,
401
00:23:14,960 --> 00:23:17,960
would you say that was one wield?
402
00:23:18,000 --> 00:23:20,400
A big if. It's a bit rubbish, this.
403
00:23:20,440 --> 00:23:23,400
I think that is as good
as I'm going to get.
404
00:23:23,440 --> 00:23:27,480
The wielding was a blooming waste
of time.
405
00:23:27,520 --> 00:23:28,960
It's your final wield.
406
00:23:37,680 --> 00:23:39,040
{\an1}WHISTLE BLOWS
407
00:23:44,240 --> 00:23:46,120
I actually wrote
down your quote then
408
00:23:46,160 --> 00:23:49,400
when you squirted lemon juice
onto your crotch.
409
00:23:49,440 --> 00:23:52,200
"Not enough to sting,
just enough to make you think."
410
00:23:54,840 --> 00:23:58,600
I regret doing this, but I've
measured it, for some reason,
411
00:23:58,640 --> 00:24:00,840
your ones in child's shoes.
412
00:24:00,880 --> 00:24:06,320
What?! It got to a seven inch tower,
which is a size 11.5,
413
00:24:06,360 --> 00:24:11,960
whereas Liza's was size 1.5, but
that's bigger, so it's a bad system.
414
00:24:12,000 --> 00:24:13,840
Yeah.
415
00:24:13,880 --> 00:24:17,400
Your system is bad but Liza's system
was actually pretty good.
416
00:24:17,440 --> 00:24:18,680
That's genius.
417
00:24:18,720 --> 00:24:20,960
It wasn't genius, was it?
418
00:24:21,000 --> 00:24:23,400
Jesus Christ, no.
419
00:24:23,440 --> 00:24:25,640
But it was all right!
420
00:24:25,680 --> 00:24:27,600
You built a tower and you only did
one wield.
421
00:24:27,640 --> 00:24:29,200
You didn't use all your wields up.
422
00:24:29,240 --> 00:24:30,240
Couldn't be arsed.
423
00:24:33,120 --> 00:24:34,200
Right, who's next?
424
00:24:34,240 --> 00:24:36,360
Next up, it's Alice.
425
00:24:36,400 --> 00:24:39,480
You may wield the knife
a maximum of five times
426
00:24:39,520 --> 00:24:42,440
but I could wield other knives
more times. OK.
427
00:24:48,200 --> 00:24:49,760
God!
428
00:24:49,800 --> 00:24:52,520
Is there like a comedy lemon
in here that's made of...
429
00:24:53,760 --> 00:24:55,080
Jesus!
430
00:24:55,120 --> 00:24:58,800
Why would you put
that as the bottom one?
431
00:25:01,680 --> 00:25:03,280
In the lemon.
432
00:25:04,840 --> 00:25:06,640
It's just mean.
433
00:25:06,680 --> 00:25:08,360
One minute, 30.
434
00:25:08,400 --> 00:25:11,400
Oh, yeah. You'd love it
if I panicked now.
435
00:25:11,440 --> 00:25:13,240
Well, they're no use anyway.
436
00:25:13,280 --> 00:25:15,640
Can everyone just be calm? Can
everyone be chill?
437
00:25:15,680 --> 00:25:16,840
OK, let's all just be chill.
438
00:25:16,880 --> 00:25:20,040
Are you kidding me?
Are you absolutely kidding me?
439
00:25:20,080 --> 00:25:23,280
# I'm having a lovely time! #
440
00:25:23,320 --> 00:25:25,760
{\an1}WHISTLE BLOWS
441
00:25:25,800 --> 00:25:28,800
That was one of the most upsetting
things I've ever had to do.
442
00:25:28,840 --> 00:25:30,840
{\an1}APPLAUSE
443
00:25:34,360 --> 00:25:36,240
Pretty good system, I thought.
444
00:25:36,280 --> 00:25:38,520
I thought I was going to get told
off. No, why?
445
00:25:38,560 --> 00:25:41,320
I don't know, you scare me a lot!
446
00:25:41,360 --> 00:25:43,480
Great.
447
00:25:43,520 --> 00:25:44,640
How tall was it?
448
00:25:44,680 --> 00:25:45,880
Nine inches.
449
00:25:45,920 --> 00:25:48,920
APPLAUSE
Good work.
450
00:25:50,640 --> 00:25:53,000
Well, we know who's in...
451
00:25:53,040 --> 00:25:54,960
Of course we do.
452
00:25:55,000 --> 00:25:58,840
He almost deserves points for taking
it lower than it was.
453
00:26:00,360 --> 00:26:03,240
Four centimetres, we've got
seven inches for Tim,
454
00:26:03,280 --> 00:26:04,800
then Liza's was eight,
455
00:26:04,840 --> 00:26:08,320
Alice's was nine, then we've got
the diagonal/vertical argument.
456
00:26:08,360 --> 00:26:11,800
My question to you is,
what's a tower?
457
00:26:11,840 --> 00:26:13,920
It's a tall narrow building,
458
00:26:13,960 --> 00:26:17,320
either freestanding or forming part
of a building such as a church.
459
00:26:17,360 --> 00:26:20,720
It is being supported by another
structure, as far as I'm concerned,
460
00:26:20,760 --> 00:26:23,560
so that means you're saying that
Alice is in second place
461
00:26:23,600 --> 00:26:25,680
and the winner, with his diagonal
tower...
462
00:26:25,720 --> 00:26:27,640
Controversially,
it's Russell Howard.
463
00:26:27,680 --> 00:26:30,560
{\an1}Russell Howard gets five points.
APPLAUSE
464
00:26:32,440 --> 00:26:34,400
Alex, let's have another task,
please.
465
00:26:34,440 --> 00:26:38,640
Here's a task involving a wardrobe,
a walk and some hat restrictions.
466
00:26:51,200 --> 00:26:52,600
{\an1}WHISTLE BLOWS
467
00:26:58,760 --> 00:27:00,880
I can see!
468
00:27:12,080 --> 00:27:14,400
Hi. Hello, Alice. Oh, my gosh.
469
00:27:14,440 --> 00:27:17,080
Hiya. Hello, Asim.
Finally come out the closet.
470
00:27:21,200 --> 00:27:25,360
Wearing a hat, kiss
the portrait of the Taskmaster
471
00:27:25,400 --> 00:27:27,120
in the Taskmaster's house.
472
00:27:27,160 --> 00:27:28,520
Where am I?
473
00:27:30,320 --> 00:27:33,840
The hat must not come from the
grounds of the Taskmaster's house.
474
00:27:33,880 --> 00:27:36,760
Closest to 30 minutes wins.
475
00:27:36,800 --> 00:27:38,080
Time starts now.
476
00:27:38,120 --> 00:27:39,280
Wearing a hat?
477
00:27:40,640 --> 00:27:43,760
So I need to find a hat first
then make my way home. OK, then.
478
00:27:43,800 --> 00:27:46,400
What's the cupboard got to do
with anything?
479
00:27:46,440 --> 00:27:48,200
That's just how we transported you.
Right.
480
00:27:48,240 --> 00:27:50,280
{\an1}APPLAUSE
481
00:27:53,160 --> 00:27:56,200
So it seems to me it's a
fairly important point that we made,
482
00:27:56,240 --> 00:27:57,880
'we didn't want them to do it
the fastest,
483
00:27:57,920 --> 00:28:00,240
'we wanted them to get the closest to
exactly half an hour.
484
00:28:00,280 --> 00:28:02,160
'Yeah, they've got to get there in
half an hour.
485
00:28:02,200 --> 00:28:04,720
'They didn't know where they were.
They'd been driven around
486
00:28:04,760 --> 00:28:07,760
'blindfolded for quite a while.
I led them to the place blindfolded.
487
00:28:07,800 --> 00:28:10,960
'I was also blindfolded
whilst driving and walking.
488
00:28:11,000 --> 00:28:12,640
So we were all quite confused.
489
00:28:12,680 --> 00:28:15,920
'I can tell you now, they were only
about 500 metres from the house...
490
00:28:15,960 --> 00:28:18,000
Right. ..but they didn't know that.
491
00:28:18,040 --> 00:28:20,680
'Because they'd been blindfolded
and taken around for 15 minutes.
492
00:28:20,720 --> 00:28:22,000
And drugged, yeah.
493
00:28:22,040 --> 00:28:25,920
'We did of course take all
their watches and phones off them
494
00:28:25,960 --> 00:28:29,400
'before the task. We're going to
start off with Tarbuck,
495
00:28:29,440 --> 00:28:32,840
'named after 7/9 of the global
coffee chain.
496
00:28:37,440 --> 00:28:39,440
Shall I just get on with it?
497
00:28:53,120 --> 00:28:54,360
Excuse me.
498
00:28:54,400 --> 00:28:58,120
'I'm just wondering if you could tell
me what time it is, honestly.
499
00:28:58,160 --> 00:29:01,480
'11:10, thank you very much indeed,
thank you.
500
00:29:04,680 --> 00:29:07,080
'It is actually a lovely day,
isn't it?
501
00:29:12,680 --> 00:29:14,080
Good morning.
502
00:29:16,200 --> 00:29:19,960
'Look at that tree!
Look at how fat it is.
503
00:29:20,000 --> 00:29:23,000
'I think it's one of those
eatable chestnuts.
504
00:29:23,040 --> 00:29:27,040
It's very big. Massive!
505
00:29:28,400 --> 00:29:29,760
OK.
506
00:29:29,800 --> 00:29:31,280
I'm going to go this way.
507
00:29:33,200 --> 00:29:35,440
And I do need a hat, remember.
508
00:29:40,640 --> 00:29:43,600
'I guess it's whether or not
that's a hat, Liza.
509
00:29:43,640 --> 00:29:45,960
'It's clearly a hat.
It looks like a bag.
510
00:29:46,000 --> 00:29:49,240
'Is a turban a hat? More of a hat
than the plastic bag was.
511
00:29:49,280 --> 00:29:52,720
'It's never going to be
a perfect turban, is it?
512
00:29:52,760 --> 00:29:55,480
'Is that a hat?
That's what you look like.
513
00:29:55,520 --> 00:29:57,680
That's quite attractive, isn't it?
514
00:29:57,720 --> 00:30:00,440
'I could be in a '70s sitcom
with that on, can't I?
515
00:30:00,480 --> 00:30:03,040
'Yes, you could. Right, I'll go
and kiss Greg, then.
516
00:30:11,280 --> 00:30:13,160
'How much time do you think's
passed, Liza?
517
00:30:13,200 --> 00:30:15,520
I think we're in the 20s now.
518
00:30:21,320 --> 00:30:23,640
Thank you, Liza. Thank you.
519
00:30:23,680 --> 00:30:25,400
Well done. Nice hat.
520
00:30:25,440 --> 00:30:28,640
{\an1}APPLAUSE
521
00:30:28,680 --> 00:30:31,720
'I really liked that. Tonally,
it sort of felt like
522
00:30:31,760 --> 00:30:33,000
a BBC coastal walk.
523
00:30:35,840 --> 00:30:39,320
'I love the whole idea of being
lumbered around blindfolded
524
00:30:39,360 --> 00:30:41,240
and driven around, it just appeals.
525
00:30:44,160 --> 00:30:46,720
'It does, because you've dreamt,
"I'll crack this."
526
00:30:46,760 --> 00:30:49,040
'I felt really calm but I'm good
in a crisis.
527
00:30:49,080 --> 00:30:51,960
'As soon as you were free,
you just went for a stroll.
528
00:30:52,000 --> 00:30:54,360
'I was desperate to get out
that morning.
529
00:30:54,400 --> 00:30:55,520
It was a beautiful day.
530
00:30:55,560 --> 00:30:59,240
'You were saying hello to people...
You commented on what a lovely day.
531
00:30:59,280 --> 00:31:02,280
'You were like a sort of
chilled headmistress.
532
00:31:02,320 --> 00:31:04,880
She stopped to compliment a tree.
533
00:31:04,920 --> 00:31:08,320
'It felt like she landed the kiss on
me bang on the 30 minute mark.
534
00:31:08,360 --> 00:31:11,440
'That's my gut instinct. Let's find
out, let's see someone else.
535
00:31:11,480 --> 00:31:13,680
Next up, the one and only Tim Vine
536
00:31:13,720 --> 00:31:16,080
'and Asim Chaudhry.
Not the one and only. No.
537
00:31:19,680 --> 00:31:22,480
'I can make a hat, I guess.
Let's have a look.
538
00:31:27,400 --> 00:31:29,040
So I've made a hat.
539
00:31:31,240 --> 00:31:33,400
I don't know where I am.
540
00:31:33,440 --> 00:31:37,440
'It's not like I go in here...
It's not Narnia, is it?
541
00:31:48,000 --> 00:31:50,360
What am I doing?
542
00:31:50,400 --> 00:31:52,480
That's not going to work.
543
00:31:52,520 --> 00:31:55,680
OK, right...
544
00:31:55,720 --> 00:31:57,920
'Am I going the right way
for the golf club?
545
00:31:57,960 --> 00:32:00,480
Is there only one golf club?
546
00:32:00,520 --> 00:32:02,360
I feel like it's this way.
547
00:32:06,200 --> 00:32:07,480
This must be the way.
548
00:32:12,320 --> 00:32:14,880
Oh, it's there. No, it's there!
549
00:32:14,920 --> 00:32:18,120
'This gap here, are we thinking?
Yeah.
550
00:32:19,640 --> 00:32:22,440
'Hello, mate, you haven't got a hat,
have you?
551
00:32:25,200 --> 00:32:26,960
Hat on.
552
00:32:29,280 --> 00:32:31,720
{\an1}APPLAUSE
553
00:32:36,280 --> 00:32:39,560
'Quite a change of pace from the
two gentleman. I misunderstood.
554
00:32:39,600 --> 00:32:42,160
'Same. I thought it was get there
as quickly as possible.
555
00:32:42,200 --> 00:32:45,400
'You two basically had a race
back to the house.
556
00:32:45,440 --> 00:32:47,880
'There's good news and bad news
for Asim, that he won the race,
557
00:32:47,920 --> 00:32:51,080
'which meant he was even further
away from the half an hour mark.
558
00:32:51,120 --> 00:32:54,040
'He got there in nine minutes,
which is pretty quick.
559
00:32:54,080 --> 00:32:55,480
I was 20-something, surely.
560
00:32:55,520 --> 00:32:56,880
You were ten minutes, 40.
561
00:32:58,320 --> 00:32:59,760
As this part comes to a close,
562
00:32:59,800 --> 00:33:03,000
'let's raise an imaginary glass
to part three.
563
00:33:03,040 --> 00:33:05,480
{\an1}APPLAUSE
564
00:33:14,320 --> 00:33:17,560
'Hey, you, welcome back to
Taskmaster, final part.
565
00:33:17,600 --> 00:33:18,640
Here we go, Alex.
566
00:33:18,680 --> 00:33:21,680
'Am I right in thinking that I've
been kissed by three hat wearers?
567
00:33:21,720 --> 00:33:23,760
'Oh, yes, you are, and also
me, of course,
568
00:33:23,800 --> 00:33:27,040
'because I kiss the picture every
day wearing my little trilby.
569
00:33:27,080 --> 00:33:29,280
Here is the final grouping,
570
00:33:29,320 --> 00:33:31,880
Russell and Howard and Alice.
571
00:33:31,920 --> 00:33:33,240
Very good.
572
00:33:35,400 --> 00:33:36,480
OK, this is cool.
573
00:33:36,520 --> 00:33:38,320
'I'm just going to go
a little wander,
574
00:33:38,360 --> 00:33:41,920
but I don't even know the address!
575
00:33:41,960 --> 00:33:46,640
'Is it 1 Taskmaster Road,
Taskmasterville?
576
00:33:46,680 --> 00:33:47,920
Worth a try.
577
00:33:47,960 --> 00:33:50,680
'Have you got a phone on you?
You want to make a phone call?
578
00:33:50,720 --> 00:33:52,920
Yeah. Can you call my manager
579
00:33:52,960 --> 00:33:56,680
'and ask him to get me
to the Taskmaster House?
580
00:34:00,440 --> 00:34:02,440
Hi. Can you help me?
581
00:34:02,480 --> 00:34:04,720
I'm lost.
582
00:34:04,760 --> 00:34:07,320
James, it's Russ. Oh, hello, Russ.
583
00:34:07,360 --> 00:34:10,680
'Can you get me an Uber to pick me
up from...?
584
00:34:10,720 --> 00:34:13,520
Where did he go?
585
00:34:13,560 --> 00:34:16,120
'To the right? The geezer went
and he knows!
586
00:34:20,240 --> 00:34:21,960
Excuse me!
587
00:34:23,000 --> 00:34:24,520
It's less than two minutes
away.
588
00:34:24,560 --> 00:34:27,880
Apparently, this guy knows where
the Taskmaster's house is.
589
00:34:27,920 --> 00:34:31,080
Which guy? That guy!
590
00:34:31,120 --> 00:34:35,120
'OK. Elvin's given me his hat
so it's fine.
591
00:34:35,160 --> 00:34:37,680
I think he's the one. Sweet.
592
00:34:39,600 --> 00:34:41,080
Oh, it's a very nice car.
593
00:34:41,120 --> 00:34:42,560
Let's roll.
594
00:34:46,080 --> 00:34:48,920
'I was wondering
if I could borrow your hat?
595
00:34:48,960 --> 00:34:50,520
I'll take that one, please.
596
00:34:50,560 --> 00:34:51,880
There you go.
597
00:34:51,920 --> 00:34:53,000
Looks like a hat to me.
598
00:34:53,040 --> 00:34:54,360
Hello, Alice.
599
00:34:54,400 --> 00:34:56,880
Hi. Just waving Simon off.
600
00:34:56,920 --> 00:34:58,520
Brilliant. Cheers, Saeed.
601
00:34:58,560 --> 00:35:00,120
Lovely stuff.
602
00:35:00,160 --> 00:35:01,600
I will be back.
603
00:35:01,640 --> 00:35:04,920
'Just going to wait a bit because I'm
a little bit early.
604
00:35:04,960 --> 00:35:06,320
There we go.
605
00:35:07,800 --> 00:35:09,440
About now, isn't it?
606
00:35:09,480 --> 00:35:11,240
Hat, kissed it, done.
607
00:35:11,280 --> 00:35:13,640
I'm going to go for it. Oh, yeah?
608
00:35:21,320 --> 00:35:22,320
Thank you, Alice.
609
00:35:22,360 --> 00:35:25,080
{\an1}APPLAUSE
610
00:35:26,960 --> 00:35:30,080
'No-one has ever said "Let's roll"
after getting into an Uber.
611
00:35:31,720 --> 00:35:33,080
It felt exciting.
612
00:35:33,120 --> 00:35:36,640
'I didn't know where we were,
we'd just been in a wardrobe...
613
00:35:36,680 --> 00:35:39,960
'It was a rather tentative
kiss of my portrait in the end.
614
00:35:40,000 --> 00:35:44,200
'I suspect you were exhausted
from winning over Elvin and Simon.
615
00:35:44,240 --> 00:35:45,640
And Theodore!
616
00:35:49,360 --> 00:35:51,720
I hadn't got that. The Chipmunks!
617
00:35:54,160 --> 00:35:56,320
What was Simon like?
618
00:35:56,360 --> 00:35:59,600
'Alex very kindly let me
get into a stranger's car
619
00:35:59,640 --> 00:36:03,440
'and drive off, and afterwards
was like, "You OK?"
620
00:36:03,480 --> 00:36:07,080
'"Well, yeah, thank God I am
cos Simon's a gent, but..."
621
00:36:07,120 --> 00:36:10,160
'But with that paw she may well have
not been. Do you know what I mean?
622
00:36:10,200 --> 00:36:12,480
'I want to know who got closest
to the half an hour
623
00:36:12,520 --> 00:36:14,320
'and I want to give them
the most points.
624
00:36:14,360 --> 00:36:16,800
'I've done it with a graphic,
let's have a look.
625
00:36:16,840 --> 00:36:19,240
This is how long they took.
626
00:36:19,280 --> 00:36:21,320
So it won't start very tense,
627
00:36:21,360 --> 00:36:23,560
there's some early leaders.
628
00:36:23,600 --> 00:36:25,160
Oh, dear, oh, dear.
629
00:36:25,200 --> 00:36:26,800
Asim there!
630
00:36:28,720 --> 00:36:31,240
'Asim wins in 9 minutes
then Tim in 10 minutes, 40.
631
00:36:31,280 --> 00:36:33,680
Awful. Next...
632
00:36:33,720 --> 00:36:38,000
..it is Liza in 20 minutes, 50.
633
00:36:38,040 --> 00:36:39,760
Russell got there in 24 minutes,
634
00:36:39,800 --> 00:36:42,200
'Alice hung around and got
there in
635
00:36:42,240 --> 00:36:43,880
28 and a half..
636
00:36:43,920 --> 00:36:46,480
{\an1}APPLAUSE
637
00:36:48,680 --> 00:36:50,320
Mighty impressive.
638
00:36:50,360 --> 00:36:53,400
'Here we go then, for the first time
this series,
639
00:36:53,440 --> 00:36:55,080
please, competitors,
640
00:36:55,120 --> 00:36:58,080
'will you head to the stage
for the final task of the show?
641
00:36:58,120 --> 00:36:59,440
{\an1}APPLAUSE
642
00:37:07,440 --> 00:37:09,400
Someone should read the task for us.
643
00:37:09,440 --> 00:37:11,280
Would you like Tim Vine to read it?
644
00:37:11,320 --> 00:37:13,080
Tim Vine would be lovely.
645
00:37:13,120 --> 00:37:14,800
Here you go, Tim.
646
00:37:18,840 --> 00:37:22,600
'Sort the objects under
the table in order of size.
647
00:37:22,640 --> 00:37:24,840
'You must keep your elbows
on the table top
648
00:37:24,880 --> 00:37:27,800
'and your head in your hands
at all times.
649
00:37:27,840 --> 00:37:31,360
'The smallest object should be
on your right,
650
00:37:31,400 --> 00:37:34,240
the largest object on your left,
651
00:37:34,280 --> 00:37:38,200
'and they must all be in line
under your table.
652
00:37:38,240 --> 00:37:42,040
'Also, there must be
no fruit in your line-up.
653
00:37:43,800 --> 00:37:46,680
'If there is any fruit left
under your table,
654
00:37:46,720 --> 00:37:48,520
you will be disqualified.
655
00:37:48,560 --> 00:37:49,920
You have 100 seconds.
656
00:37:49,960 --> 00:37:51,720
'Are we allowed to take
our shoes off?
657
00:37:51,760 --> 00:37:54,440
'If you want to take your shoes off,
you can, but if you can put them
658
00:37:54,480 --> 00:37:57,040
'behind the table that would be good.
Liza's already done that.
659
00:37:57,080 --> 00:37:59,600
'Have we started?
Elbows on the table... Hang on,
660
00:37:59,640 --> 00:38:01,480
she's already taken her shoes off.
661
00:38:01,520 --> 00:38:03,080
Ring your agent!
662
00:38:07,760 --> 00:38:09,600
Fine, I'm taking them off too.
663
00:38:09,640 --> 00:38:11,800
'Largest on the left, smallest
on the right, no fruit,
664
00:38:11,840 --> 00:38:14,400
{\an4}good luck, your time starts...
HE BLOWS WHISTLE
665
00:38:14,440 --> 00:38:15,600
We are off!
666
00:38:20,640 --> 00:38:22,480
Very delicate.
667
00:38:22,520 --> 00:38:24,760
Elbows on the table, please!
668
00:38:26,240 --> 00:38:29,080
Head in your hands. Thank you.
669
00:38:30,240 --> 00:38:33,720
'I've got rid of a satsuma,
a banana and a pineapple.
670
00:38:34,880 --> 00:38:37,560
'Largest on the left, smallest on
the right. No fruit, please.
671
00:38:37,600 --> 00:38:38,840
What about tinned fruit?
672
00:38:38,880 --> 00:38:40,560
What if it's...?
673
00:38:40,600 --> 00:38:42,080
Oh, shit.
674
00:38:42,120 --> 00:38:44,760
Head in your hands, please!
675
00:38:47,800 --> 00:38:50,520
{\an1}APPLAUSE
676
00:38:58,480 --> 00:39:00,960
Elbows on the table.
677
00:39:01,000 --> 00:39:03,200
You've got 20 seconds left.
678
00:39:09,760 --> 00:39:12,400
There are seven seconds left.
679
00:39:12,440 --> 00:39:16,200
5, 4, 3, 2, 1
680
00:39:16,240 --> 00:39:18,200
{\an1}WHISTLE BLOWS
681
00:39:18,240 --> 00:39:20,240
{\an1}APPLAUSE
682
00:39:21,840 --> 00:39:25,440
'Shall we go for it? Please.
We're going to look at Alice first.
683
00:39:25,480 --> 00:39:27,920
She has a banana under her table.
684
00:39:27,960 --> 00:39:30,320
Shit. Then she is disqualified.
685
00:39:30,360 --> 00:39:32,040
Oh, balls!
686
00:39:33,480 --> 00:39:35,240
A ball and a banana.
687
00:39:35,280 --> 00:39:37,880
I thought it was a padlock.
688
00:39:37,920 --> 00:39:39,800
'That's why we picked bananas,
isn't it,
689
00:39:39,840 --> 00:39:43,280
'because we thought they might think
it's a padlock.
690
00:39:43,320 --> 00:39:45,240
The old, soft, curved padlock.
691
00:39:47,640 --> 00:39:48,960
Next up, Asim Chaudhry.
692
00:39:49,000 --> 00:39:51,600
'They are in the right order. This
could be Asim's moment of glory.
693
00:39:51,640 --> 00:39:53,880
'There's two items left,
the yoghurt's gone,
694
00:39:53,920 --> 00:39:55,480
but they are in the right order.
695
00:39:58,440 --> 00:40:00,000
Liza. Hello, Liza. Hello.
696
00:40:00,040 --> 00:40:01,640
'I can't see any fruit under there.
Tick.
697
00:40:01,680 --> 00:40:03,880
I can see three items. Tick...
698
00:40:03,920 --> 00:40:05,200
In the right order! Tick!
699
00:40:05,240 --> 00:40:08,040
{\an1}APPLAUSE
700
00:40:09,560 --> 00:40:11,320
'Russell has got his hair
all ruffled
701
00:40:11,360 --> 00:40:13,360
'doing whatever he was doing, hasn't
he?
702
00:40:13,400 --> 00:40:15,120
'You have two items, the same as
Asim,
703
00:40:15,160 --> 00:40:17,960
'in the right order
and there is no fruit. Yes!
704
00:40:18,000 --> 00:40:20,480
{\an1}APPLAUSE
705
00:40:20,520 --> 00:40:25,480
'Tim Vine. Under there I can see
two footballs, weirdly.
706
00:40:25,520 --> 00:40:27,040
Hang on, he's nicked my ball!
707
00:40:27,080 --> 00:40:30,160
Can I have my ball back?
708
00:40:30,200 --> 00:40:33,760
'There's a can of baked beans,
it's in the right order. Nice.
709
00:40:33,800 --> 00:40:35,920
But there's a banana!
710
00:40:35,960 --> 00:40:39,920
'There's a padlock...
..a banana under there.
711
00:40:41,000 --> 00:40:44,240
'Shall we bring them down and see how
that's affected the final scores?
712
00:40:44,280 --> 00:40:45,880
OK then, here we go. Come on down!
713
00:40:45,920 --> 00:40:47,560
{\an1}APPLAUSE
714
00:40:50,280 --> 00:40:51,920
So... So, Alex Horne, tell us
715
00:40:51,960 --> 00:40:53,680
'everything we need to know
about footsie
716
00:40:53,720 --> 00:40:55,040
and how it's affected things.
717
00:40:55,080 --> 00:40:58,800
'As we saw, both Alice and Tim had
padlocks left under their tables.
718
00:40:58,840 --> 00:41:01,080
The old, bendy, soft padlock.
719
00:41:01,120 --> 00:41:05,200
'They're disqualified, no points.
Zero points.
720
00:41:05,240 --> 00:41:10,320
'Then in joint second with two items
stacked correctly in order of size,
721
00:41:10,360 --> 00:41:12,040
Asim and Russell. Yes, please.
722
00:41:12,080 --> 00:41:15,320
'But there was one winner, all three
correctly stacked, Liza Tarbuck!
723
00:41:15,360 --> 00:41:17,200
{\an1}APPLAUSE
724
00:41:19,080 --> 00:41:20,440
Thank you.
725
00:41:20,480 --> 00:41:23,520
'So, final scoreboard.
First one of the series.
726
00:41:23,560 --> 00:41:26,920
'But not the last,
because it looks like this!
727
00:41:30,640 --> 00:41:33,040
Oh, yes! Asim there in last place!
728
00:41:34,480 --> 00:41:38,160
'Our joint winners at this stage,
Russell and Alice!
729
00:41:38,200 --> 00:41:41,120
'What does that mean, Alex?
It means we have a tie-break.
730
00:41:44,960 --> 00:41:47,600
'I'm not going against her,
she's a wizard.
731
00:41:47,640 --> 00:41:50,000
'For this one,
they had to spin around
732
00:41:50,040 --> 00:41:54,600
'as many times as possible before
kicking a football at the caravan.
733
00:41:55,960 --> 00:41:57,520
Most spins wins.
734
00:41:57,560 --> 00:41:59,560
If you miss the caravan, you're out.
735
00:41:59,600 --> 00:42:01,040
Let's go, ready? Here we go!
736
00:42:01,080 --> 00:42:03,000
{\an1}WHISTLE BLOWS
737
00:42:05,160 --> 00:42:06,400
Is that one?
738
00:42:06,440 --> 00:42:08,280
It's a strange way of spinning.
739
00:42:10,080 --> 00:42:12,200
This is supposed help a bit.
740
00:42:13,800 --> 00:42:16,040
Doing that. That's a double spin.
741
00:42:16,080 --> 00:42:17,440
Feeling quite good though.
742
00:42:17,480 --> 00:42:20,080
I feel a little bit dizzy now.
743
00:42:20,120 --> 00:42:22,440
Are you still there?
744
00:42:22,480 --> 00:42:23,480
{\an1}WHISTLE BLOWS
745
00:42:29,080 --> 00:42:30,600
{\an1}APPLAUSE
746
00:42:30,640 --> 00:42:33,480
'I question how many spins
there were there
747
00:42:33,520 --> 00:42:35,600
There was plenty of minces.
748
00:42:38,560 --> 00:42:41,280
Russell span round 19 times...
749
00:42:41,320 --> 00:42:42,840
/mincing.
750
00:42:42,880 --> 00:42:47,040
Alice span round 24 times.
751
00:42:47,080 --> 00:42:49,320
{\an1}APPLAUSE
752
00:42:50,800 --> 00:42:53,760
'Ladies and gentlemen,
Alice wins episode one!
753
00:42:53,800 --> 00:42:56,360
'Please head up and grab
your liquids!
754
00:42:56,400 --> 00:42:59,000
{\an1}APPLAUSE
755
00:42:59,040 --> 00:43:00,760
So what have we learned today?
756
00:43:00,800 --> 00:43:03,680
'Well, you know what they say,
if life gives you lemons,
757
00:43:03,720 --> 00:43:07,400
'squeeze some on the crotch of your
safari suit and have a breakdown.
758
00:43:09,440 --> 00:43:13,080
'And to top that, we have learned
that the happy-go-lucky winner
759
00:43:13,120 --> 00:43:16,120
'of some personal liquids
is Alice Levine!
760
00:43:16,160 --> 00:43:18,640
{\an1}APPLAUSE
761
00:43:18,680 --> 00:43:21,240
Thank you! And goodnight!
762
00:43:37,280 --> 00:43:40,280
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