All language subtitles for Shoresy.S02E04.WEB.x264-TG

Alright,
shut the fuck up!

Sanger's got the floor.

Let's listen up here, boys.
Everybody listen up here now.

Alright, gents, thanks
for stickin' around

for this little players only.

Even though it isn't really a
players only 'cause I'm here.

Yeah, but like he's one
of the boys, so it'd be

weird if he wasn't here
for the players only.

Who's runnin' it?

Shut the
fuck up, Michaels.

- I thought I'd run it.
- Yeah, like he's the coach,

he's usually the one talkin'
so it'd be weird if he was

just here listenin' to
someone talk. It's like...

it's like, he's usually
the one talkin'.

Can I phone a call?

- Can you phone a call?
- Can I?

What, are you gonna
order a fuckin' pizza?

Uh, I'll just get right
into it. You're fuckin' up.

You're fuckin' up.
You're fuckin' up.

And until very recently,
you were fucking up.

- How am I fucking up?
- Let's start with someone

- more important.
- The Jims?

Yeah. And in the meantime,

Goody, Dolo, tie your
dick to your leg.

- Jim.
- Yeah?

- Jim.
- Hello.

- Jim.
- Let's hear it, Sanger.

Let us have it, buddy.
- You're late for games

and when you show up,
you're not focused.

And even after the games,
you scramble to the showers

and out the door.
- Which is usually what guys do

if they don't want us
to see their dinks,

but like, we've see your dinks.
- Yeah.

- We've seen 'em a ton of times.
- Settle down.

We just likes it when ya
hangs out with the b'ys

for a bit after, that's all.

Jims are unbelievable.

Jims?

We're doin' real bad
at Reach For The Top.

- Trivia?
- Yeah.

- Huh?
- Usually there's four people

on a team, but we're down a man.

And he was the guy who
always got us goin'.

Ah, see boys, you
gotta set the tone.

Can't get into the
game without him.

Someone's gotta set the
tone out there, boys!

Someone's gotta fuckin' set it!
- You see, th-th-that is a very

interesting parallel,
because the Jims need someone

to set the tone in
order to get it going,

and we need the Jims
to set the tone.

Shut up, Michaels,
you fuckin' nerd.

What happened to your other guy?

- He got stabbed.
- By who?

- By a big Indian.
- We're just feeling banged up

from getting pumped
at Reach For The Top.

And now we're comin' here
and gettin' pumped too.

So what you're sayin' is you
just needs one of the b'ys

to come where you're to?
- Yeah.

Come on, b'ys, let's send
someone where der at.

Does it have to be another
jail guard on your team,

or can it be one of us?

The other jail guards
don't wanna play

Reach For The Top anymore.

Because one got stabbed.

By a big Indian.

Alright, gents,

looks like we're looking for
a fourth man for the Jims.

We got any beers?

Huh?

Boys dumped all the
cold ones on me so...

I just think this
players only is goin'

a bit long to not
be havin' beers.

- Couple frosty ones.
- Should we get

some beers for the players only?

Well, we could take
the players only

to where there's beers.
- That's a good idea, ol' man.

Couple chilly ones?

Pretty
good pizza here, boys.

Let's get hammerin'
some pizza here now.

Alright, boys, Reach For
The Top. Who's smart?

Maybe we start at
the other end of 'er

and weed some guys out.

Okay, who's dumb?

Now we're movin' here, boys,
let's keep 'er movin' here now.

- Hitch and Michaels.
- How are we gonna figure out

who's less dumb?

We'll throw some trivia at you

and whoever gets
the most right wins.

B'y, this could take all night.

Even as the smartest b'ys here,

I still think we'll
get most of 'em wrong.

- Yeah.
- Ya think?

- Yes.
- Why?

Look at 'em.

Well, maybe I get in there

and speed things
up a little bit.

Well, I'm the dumbest
guy here so...

Fish is pretty dumb.

No, Fish only looks dumb.

He's not actually that dumb.
- Thanks, Shoresy.

- Got a dip?
- He's not as dumb as Shoresy.

I'm the dumbest guy here.

So, if I get one right that
someone else doesn't get,

he should automatically be out.

- Thanks, big boy.
- Shoresy, can I phone...

Oh, my God, Frankie, you
can order DQ from an app!

You don't have to call.

You, you, and you,

you're all candidates
for the fourth man

for the Jims' trivia team.

What would you do
if selected? Hitch?

- Study all night.
- Michaels?

Well, I'd have a
positive attitude.

- Shoresy?
- Fuck yer mom.

Tell us about your
strategy, Hitch.

B'y, I'll be the first to admit

that as a "Newfie",
we gets a bad rap

for bein' dumb. What
with the volume we drinks

and the way we talks.

But what we lacks in grey matter
we makes up for in work ethic.

I guarantee you,
a Newfoundlander

will not be outworked.
- Michaels.

Though I adored English
in school, I like words,

but my true love is
math and science.

I'm just gonna stop
you right there.

Is he not the most boring person
you've ever heard in your life?

- Pardon me?
- Like, is no one else

havin' this issue,
you're sittin' here,

you're listening to him
talk, you're trying to care,

but you just can't seem
to give a fuck about

a single word he says?
- Yeah.

- Tell me how you really feel, huh?
- I've been sittin' here

listening to him
talk for a minute.

He's been talking
for five seconds.

Feels like I've been
sitting here listening

to him talk for a year!

Do you think there's any
girls on the bar side?

Hmm?

We're going to get to
your problem next, boys.

Well, guess this players only's

been goin' a bit long to
not be lookin' at girls.

If we were
smart, we would've started

the players only where
there was beer and girls.

It's not really a players
only anymore, though.

Shut the fuck up, Fish.

Now to figure out
who's the least dumb.

- Shoresy.
- Frankie!

He hasn't heard from
his girlfriends.

Girlfriends?

He hasn't heard from
his girlfriends?

No.

Better hope they haven't
heard from each other!

Players only, boys!

At Reach For The Top,
they just fire a bunch

of trivia questions at you.
- Alright,

we'll fire a bunch of
trivia questions at you.

Yeah, let's get firin' some
trivia questions here, boys.

Let's go now.
- B'ys let's pick one

good question so I can go
ask that girl to dance.

She's
a bit young but...

Hey, tie your dick to your leg!

Well, we pick one topic,

and whoever talks
about it better wins.

- What's the topic?
- Space.

You wanna talk about space?

Yeah! And whoever talks
about it better wins.

You wanna see who can
talk about space better?

- Yes, sir.
- Michaels, get us started.

Well, first off,
I mean, it's huge.

- What is?
- Space.

You're opening
with space is huge?

What'd you
think I was talking about?

I dunno, a fuckin' planet.

- A galaxy?
- How long is a light year?

If he's opening
with space is huge,

I can for sure talk
about space better.

Okay, go ahead,
talk about space.

The Earth revolves
around the sun.

See? Already Shoresy's
talkin' about space

better than I thought.
- Let's dance.

Sorry b'ys, gotta
go see about a girl.

Well, you run a great
players only, Sanger.

You brought us to
where there's girls.

Don't worry, we're gonna
get to the bottom of this,

all right, Jim?
- Yeah.

- Jim?
- Yes.

- Jim?
- You can fit one million

Earths inside the sun.
- You know,

I don't think it's
any coincidence

I start talkin' about
space, all of a sudden,

no one wants to talk
about space anymore.

And you were just gettin' goin'.

Don't see anyone wanting
to talk about space now.

Well, you're right,
it is beyond massive.

I had some great space words
I didn't even get to use.

- Like what?
- Meta-galactic.

- My guy!
- Inter-cosmic.

- Those are pretty good ones.
- Well, you better think twice

you wanna talk
about space with me.

A full space suit
costs ya 12 sheets.

- Michaels.
- Yeah?

What's your problem?

I'm the best goalie
in the league.

Well then, why are
you walkin' around

like someone ran over your dog?

Look...

You're really gonna inhale
and exhale like that?

- Oh just...
- There, you just did it again.

You don't even

know you're doin' it!
- It's not success

unless you have someone
to share it with.

Hmm?

I mean, I'm number
one in the league.

We're number one. And soon,

we're gonna be number one
in the league of all time.

Mm-hmm.

We're successful,
but it's just...

it's not true success
if you don't have

anyone to share it with.

You're talkin' about
a broad, right?

Don't fuckin' do that!

- You're at my house.
- Yeah.

- You fucking psycho.
- Politely knocking.

You must have some
liquid courage.

- Nope.
- You're not drunk?

Well, yeah.

Okay, go. I
honestly can't wait.

Do you really need to
inhale and exhale like that?

- Whoa.
- What?

It's not success unless you
have someone to share it with.

What isn't?

- What?
- Your success isn't?

Isn't what?

Success unless you have
someone to share it with?

Can I start over?

You're saying you're successful.

- Yep.
- 'Cause you're the best team

in the league, I'm assuming.

- Best team in the league ever.
- Not yet.

But you're saying it
isn't success unless

you have someone
to share it with?

- Yeah.
- So what does that even mean?

I'd love to tell
ya about my day.

- Would you?
- Yeah.

- What else?
- I'd love to see

if I can somehow make
your life easier.

- I almost believe you, dude.
- But?

- You're a slut.
- I know you've fucked

one or two before.
- That's how I know sluts talk.

- What's it gonna take?
- Whadda ya got?

Well, I'd tongue kiss

a toaster to vacuum
your fuckin' car.

- Yeah?
- Yeah. I'd walk the Kingsway

with my pants at my ankles
to empty your dishwasher.

- Now we're talkin'!
- I wanna empty your dishwasher

so bad, you have no idea.

- Say hi to Big Sexy for me.
- Yeah, all right.

I wasn't thinkin' I was
comin' in or anything.

Wasn't hopin' or anything.
- My kid's asleep in there.

Yeah, don't wanna mess
that up or anything.

You wanna go in the garage?

Yeah, so you'll think

you'd come knock on my door
anytime you're half cut

and I'll wanna
crawl on top of ya?

You are such a fuckin'
good time, woman.

- Later.
- I'm gonna be

thinkin' about you.
- Good night.

And I usually prefer
the front door

on a first date, but you're
the boss apple sauce!

Clock's
tickin' on the season

and there's something real
shiny at the end of it.

So, we need one of the boys
settin' the tone for the Jims

so the Jims can set
the tone for us.

Gotta set the tone boys.
Someone's gotta fuckin' set it.

Practice round.
We'll start easy.

What is the highest grossing
Canadian movie of all time?

Fubar!

No, ya fuckin' idiot.

- So fuckin' stupid.
- Guy's a fuckin' idiot.

Yeah, it's the best
Canadian movie of all time.

Incorrect. Michaels?

- It's Bon Cop, Bad Cop.
- Correct.

What multi-platinum band
hails from Hanna, Alberta?

Spirit of the West.

Are you actually
a fuckin' idiot?

He might actually
be fuckin' stupid.

- So fuckin' dumb.
- Incorrect. Michaels?

- It's Nickelback.
- Nickelback.

Correct. I'm a World War I

flying ace that
Toronto City Airport

is named after. Who am I?

Avro Aero.

Oh, my God, how is he in
this fuckin' competition?

That's a plane.

Well, he was askin'
for a plane, wasn't he?

- No!
- He was askin' about

a plane driver.
- A plane driver?

- A pilot.
- Huh?

- Lard Jeezus, b'y.
- Commercial planes

can't go in reverse, eh?
- Incorrect. Michaels?

It's Billy Bishop.

- Correct.
- You gotta push 'em.

I think we've seen enough.

Don't see no questions on
Newfoundland though, b'ys.

No worries, we're used
to being excluded.

Holy fuck, Sanger, just
give him a question

about the Maritimes.
- Newfoundland ain't part

of the Maritimes, b'ys!

Okay, what is the name of
the popular Nova Scotia

condiment made of
condensed milk,

vinegar, and garlic?
- Oh, come on!

Creamy garlic.

- Fuckin' idiot!
- Are you fuckin' serious?

- Donair sauce!
- Correct!

Who doesn't hear
fucking Nova Scotia

and think donair?
- Halifax explosion was a doozy.

What the fuck else
does Nova Scotia have?

- Well, they got Sid the Kid.
- Trailer Park Boys.

Well, Peggy's Cove's
a lovely time.

Congrats, Michaels,

you're going to jail to
play Reach For The Top!

- Yes!
- Put us out of our misery.

Guys, look, I just wanna
say that I respect...

Sit the fuck down.
Shut the fuck up.

Frankie?

No.

No.

Eh, Celine.

- Oui.
- Oui.

Well, Frankie lives
in Ontario now,

so I feel like we
should speak English

so the girls there understand.
- I agree. They should know.

We were asleep
together one night,

and I woke up with
something between my toes.

It was a Honey Nut Cheerio.

- Oh.
- I would check Frankie's

pockets before doing the wash,

and one time, I pulled out a
Subway Philly cheese steak.

- A footlong?
- Yeah.

And a McDonald's apple pie.

One time I came home,

and the smoke alarms
were going off,

and my dogs were
scratching at the door.

Frankie had fallen asleep
with two pizza pops

on the George Foreman Grill.

Oh, Frankie.

Your dogs must have
been scared sick.

Yeah, they were sick all right,

from the pepperoni he picked up

by the checkout
at Canadian Tire.

You see, I thought
the cheating was bad.

And it's clear that his diet
is what's really eating you.

What?

We got a problem.

Of course we do.

Did you just get fucked?

- We got a problem.
- What's the problem?

- Hey, look at her.
- What?

- Doesn't she look like...
- Fuck you, Shoresy!

Fer what?

- Like you just got fucked.
- You look like

you just got fucked.
- No, she doesn't.

- Okay.
- If anything,

she looks like she's been
at home blastin' herself.

We've got a problem.

Someone tell me the problem.

- Frankie got caught.
- Oof!

- Only a matter of time.
- How is he?

- He doesn't know yet.
- Good.

Keep it away from him until
after we play North Bay.

The Quebecois don't
love him anymore.

- Quebecois stand by their own.
- Well, someone loves him.

His calendar's sold out.

There's that calendar
bitin' me in the ass!

- And back ordered.
- I don't fuckin' care!

Well, you should.
That big Quebecer

just got us 10K closer
to our 50K goal.

- 20 to go.
- So dumb.

You know what?
Fuck you, Shoresy.

- Fer what?
- I send you off

to put out some
fires, and instead,

you come back with a new one?
- No, one's out.

So, you came back with this
one in place of another.

Same amount of fires, slut.

These floors could
use a sweep, Ziig.

Which one don't I have
to worry about anymore?

Welcome to this week's

Reach For The Top league play.

Quiet on the block, please.

Thank you.

Jim, Jim, and Jim have
a new teammate today.

This is Michaels.
Let's all welcome him.

I'll fuck you
'til you love me, hoe!

C'mon,
fuck me up the ass!

Thank you.

I understand that Jim,
Jim, Jim, and Michaels

also have a new team name.

Since we have a new teammate,

we thought we should
have a new team name.

We'll no longer
be called Iroquiz.

And what shall we call you?

Algonquiz.

Very well.

In an effort to
put what happened

to Correctional Officer Seth

at the hands of inmate
Pinky behind us...

I'll fuck you
'til you love me, hoe!

We decided to change
our name as well.

Hence turning over a new leaf.

And what will that be?

Tropic of Answer.

Very well.

Let the match begin.

Algonquiz, are you ready?

- Yeah.
- Yes.

Good luck, everyone.

Good luck to everybody involved.
- Tropic of Answer,

are you ready?

We begin.

Which Canadian funny
man was part owner

of the Toronto
Argonauts in the 1990s?

Um, John Candy?

- Correct.
- Okay.

Which Ontario city
did Sam Panapoulos

invent Hawaiian pizza in?

Um, Chatham.

Correct.

What year did
Newfoundland Labrador

officially join Canada?

1949.

Correct. She is Canada's
first female astronaut.

Roberta Bondar.

Correct.

Until the success of
2006's Bon Cop, Bad Cop,

what was the highest
grossing Canadian

motion picture of all time?

Fubar!

Incorrect.

- Porky's.
- Correct.

In which of his songs does
Stompin' Tom Connors sing,

"Well the girls are out to bingo

and the boys are
gettin' stinko"?

"Sudbury Saturday Night".

Correct.

Yeah!

C'mon,
fuck me up the ass!

I'm Jory Jordan back with the
Sudbury Kids Sports Report

and joining me once again is
the captain of your Sudbury

Blueberry Bulldogs,
number 69, Shore.

69. That's a bit on
the nose, isn't it?

Any significance to
that number for you?

Sentimental value?

Just wanna show everyone what
a class act you are then, eh?

You've got the North
Bay Norsemen tonight,

which means you've got Keller.

He can be a real pain in
the knackers, can't he?

- Yeah.
- Got a hot wife though.

- Yeah?
- Mm-hmm. Wanna see?

Alright.

Huh.

Got him in every picture though.

Wanna see MacPherson's wife?
- Alright.

Just a sec.

Bikini shots are way down here.

MacPherson, you try that again,

and I'll wrap my stick
around your fuckin' neck.

- Next one's goin' in, bud.
- You try that again,

you're gonna get fuckin' hurt,
MacPherson, I promise ya.

- Hey, fuck you, Shoresy.
- Settle him down, Keller,

or someone's gonna get
fuckin' hurt out here.

Hey Frankie, you
see that movie "The Whale" yet?

You never
fuckin' talk to him.

You never fuckin' talk to him.

You fuckin' settle him down,

Keller, or it's gonna
get fuckin' ugly.

Remy Nadeau!

Un grand crosscheck!
Oh boy, oh boy, oh boy!

He ate him like
undercooked pork tenders-loin!

Remy
Nadeau! - Oh!