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♪ It seems todaythat all you see ♪
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00:00:05,072 --> 00:00:08,240
♪ Is violence in moviesand sex on TV ♪
3
00:00:08,309 --> 00:00:11,843
♪ But where are thosegood old-fashioned values ♪
4
00:00:11,912 --> 00:00:14,913
♪ On which we used to rely? ♪
5
00:00:14,982 --> 00:00:18,283
♪ Lucky there's a family guy ♪
6
00:00:18,352 --> 00:00:21,536
♪ Lucky there's a manwho positively can do ♪
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♪ All the thingsthat make us ♪
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♪ Laugh and cry ♪
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♪ He's... a...Fam... ily... Guy! ♪
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Hey, you guys ever check Zillow?
11
00:00:37,204 --> 00:00:38,837
Joe, why don't you shut the...
12
00:00:38,906 --> 00:00:41,539
Tell me more
about this silly word.
13
00:00:41,608 --> 00:00:43,452
It's this website,
Zillow.com.
14
00:00:43,476 --> 00:00:45,655
You plug in your address,
and it gives you an estimate
15
00:00:45,679 --> 00:00:46,923
of what your house is worth.
16
00:00:46,947 --> 00:00:48,391
But they call it a Zestimate,
17
00:00:48,415 --> 00:00:49,859
because of the "Z"
in "Zillow."
18
00:00:52,119 --> 00:00:53,229
How do they...
19
00:00:53,253 --> 00:00:55,733
I just don't have
that creative bone.
20
00:00:56,524 --> 00:00:58,757
Wow, my house is way up
from when I bought it.
21
00:00:58,825 --> 00:01:00,745
Mine's up, too.
What the hell?
22
00:01:00,794 --> 00:01:03,578
Mine's way below
what you guys's are worth.
23
00:01:03,647 --> 00:01:05,414
Wait, this-this can't be right.
24
00:01:05,482 --> 00:01:08,633
It says... it says
my house is a murder house.
25
00:01:08,702 --> 00:01:10,831
What, like-like someone
was killed there?
26
00:01:10,855 --> 00:01:13,121
Yeah, it says...
it says, in the '60s,
27
00:01:13,190 --> 00:01:16,124
some woman named Doris
Billingsly died in my house.
28
00:01:16,193 --> 00:01:17,704
Probably some naggy bitch,
right?
29
00:01:17,728 --> 00:01:19,294
Joseph!
You know, they say
30
00:01:19,362 --> 00:01:21,429
when someone dies violently
like that,
31
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their spirit can linger.
What do you mean?
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00:01:23,901 --> 00:01:26,501
I'm saying you might have
a g-g-g-g-g...
33
00:01:26,570 --> 00:01:28,770
disembodied spirit
in your house!
34
00:01:28,839 --> 00:01:30,439
Wow, this is so cool.
35
00:01:30,507 --> 00:01:32,585
Have you ever witnessed
anything strange there?
36
00:01:32,609 --> 00:01:34,760
Actually,
now that you mention it...
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00:01:35,796 --> 00:01:38,497
Good news!
The biopsy was negative.
38
00:01:39,600 --> 00:01:41,182
Did you hear something?
39
00:01:44,505 --> 00:01:46,505
♪ ♪
40
00:01:53,263 --> 00:01:54,374
Hi, Chris.
41
00:01:54,398 --> 00:01:56,498
Oh, hey, Kristen.
What's up?
42
00:01:56,566 --> 00:01:58,345
Not much.
I wanted to know
43
00:01:58,369 --> 00:02:00,213
if you're gonna go
to the dance on Friday.
44
00:02:00,237 --> 00:02:02,304
Nah, probably not.
45
00:02:02,373 --> 00:02:03,972
Oh, that's too bad.
46
00:02:04,041 --> 00:02:06,975
I was thinking maybe
you and I could go together.
47
00:02:07,044 --> 00:02:09,778
Oh, that's sweet,
but, like I said,
48
00:02:09,846 --> 00:02:11,813
I-I don't think I'm gonna go.
49
00:02:11,882 --> 00:02:13,293
Well, if you change your mind...
50
00:02:13,317 --> 00:02:14,482
I said no!
51
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Okay. Geez.
52
00:02:16,387 --> 00:02:17,719
Bye, Chris.
53
00:02:17,788 --> 00:02:20,555
Uh, Chris,
that very attractive girl
54
00:02:20,624 --> 00:02:22,591
just asked you out,
and you said no.
55
00:02:22,659 --> 00:02:25,471
Well, sorry, Brian,
she just doesn't do it
for me.
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00:02:25,495 --> 00:02:26,739
I'm hungry.
57
00:02:26,763 --> 00:02:28,608
I might grab a bite to eat.
58
00:02:28,632 --> 00:02:30,231
We all just ate, right?
59
00:02:30,300 --> 00:02:31,361
What's wrong with that kid?
60
00:02:31,385 --> 00:02:32,829
Why wouldn't he go out
with that girl?
61
00:02:32,853 --> 00:02:35,153
Who knows? Maybe he's gay.
What? No.
62
00:02:35,222 --> 00:02:37,334
Well, you never know.
I say we find out.
63
00:02:37,358 --> 00:02:38,557
You think he could be?
64
00:02:38,625 --> 00:02:40,303
Hey, I've been right
about these things before.
65
00:02:40,327 --> 00:02:42,694
Remember what I said in 2009?
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00:02:42,762 --> 00:02:44,862
Bruce Jenner is a man.
No, Brian.
67
00:02:44,931 --> 00:02:47,377
That's what the press
would have you believe,
but he's not.
68
00:02:47,401 --> 00:02:48,900
Bruce Jenner is a woman.
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00:02:48,968 --> 00:02:52,170
An elegant,
beautiful Dutch woman.
70
00:03:00,764 --> 00:03:04,132
Okay, guys, now,
the murder took place
down here in the basement,
71
00:03:04,200 --> 00:03:06,484
so it's probably our best shot
at finding something.
72
00:03:07,587 --> 00:03:09,454
I do feel a presence in the air.
73
00:03:09,523 --> 00:03:13,875
Only Lucifer
would reveal himself
to you, adulterer.
74
00:03:13,944 --> 00:03:15,889
Well, now, I have
to warn you fellas...
75
00:03:15,913 --> 00:03:19,747
The only spirits
I'm used to chasing
are whiskey and tequila.
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00:03:23,787 --> 00:03:25,620
That's so Joe!
77
00:03:29,827 --> 00:03:31,793
Wow, what's going on down here?
78
00:03:31,862 --> 00:03:33,227
Trying something new for Joe.
79
00:03:33,296 --> 00:03:34,880
And we're looking for ghosts.
80
00:03:34,948 --> 00:03:37,515
We're like the male version
of the female Ghostbusters.
81
00:03:37,584 --> 00:03:39,851
Peter, there's no such thing
as ghosts.
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00:03:39,920 --> 00:03:43,321
I don't know why you guys
listen to a word he says.
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00:03:43,390 --> 00:03:45,123
That's so Lois.
84
00:03:48,795 --> 00:03:50,461
All right, we ready?
85
00:03:50,530 --> 00:03:52,170
Wow, it is creepy.
86
00:03:52,199 --> 00:03:53,398
So, what do we do?
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00:03:53,466 --> 00:03:54,777
Just follow my lead.
88
00:03:54,801 --> 00:03:56,467
Are there any spirits present
89
00:03:56,536 --> 00:03:58,636
that would like
to communicate with us?
90
00:04:01,641 --> 00:04:03,321
What the hell was that?
91
00:04:04,194 --> 00:04:06,839
I got scared
and tried to run
through the wall,
92
00:04:06,863 --> 00:04:08,875
leaving a hole shaped like me.
93
00:04:08,899 --> 00:04:10,999
Yeah, can't do that
in a basement, bud.
94
00:04:14,521 --> 00:04:17,055
All right, fellas, I just
finished up an EVP session.
95
00:04:17,124 --> 00:04:18,606
Let's see
if we picked anything up.
96
00:04:18,676 --> 00:04:21,543
What's EVP?
Electronic
voice phenomenon.
97
00:04:21,611 --> 00:04:24,212
Oftentimes, the human ear
can't pick up
paranormal sounds,
98
00:04:24,281 --> 00:04:26,648
but electronic
recording devices can.
99
00:04:26,717 --> 00:04:28,333
Mm. That right?
100
00:04:43,216 --> 00:04:45,729
Is this whole thing just you
beefing into the microphone?
101
00:04:45,753 --> 00:04:46,985
Yeah.
102
00:04:47,053 --> 00:04:51,189
Dad, they did this bit
in the lady Ghostbusters.
103
00:04:51,258 --> 00:04:52,991
Did you hear something?
104
00:04:57,547 --> 00:05:00,048
Stewie, I'm telling you,
there's no way Chris is gay.
105
00:05:00,134 --> 00:05:01,777
Oh, why, because he
never hit on you?
106
00:05:01,801 --> 00:05:03,067
God, the ego.
107
00:05:05,522 --> 00:05:07,055
Hey, Chris.
What's up?
108
00:05:07,124 --> 00:05:10,103
Just relaxing,
listening to some of
Charles Manson's music.
109
00:05:10,127 --> 00:05:11,304
What's up with you guys?
110
00:05:11,328 --> 00:05:13,795
Actually, Brian and I
are taking a survey,
111
00:05:13,863 --> 00:05:15,741
and we wanted to see
if you had a few minutes.
112
00:05:15,765 --> 00:05:16,998
Sure. Go ahead.
113
00:05:17,067 --> 00:05:18,233
Okay, question one.
114
00:05:18,302 --> 00:05:20,335
What night are the Tony Awards?
115
00:05:20,404 --> 00:05:22,537
Tony Danza has awards?
116
00:05:24,758 --> 00:05:27,091
Name an appropriate price
to pay for jeans.
117
00:05:27,161 --> 00:05:29,277
Um, five dollars?
118
00:05:30,964 --> 00:05:32,797
What year
did Bette Midler release
119
00:05:32,866 --> 00:05:34,377
"You've Got to Have Friends"?
120
00:05:34,401 --> 00:05:36,434
Oh, 1972.
121
00:05:36,503 --> 00:05:39,337
And it was fabulous!
122
00:05:44,761 --> 00:05:45,860
Chris, are you gay?
123
00:05:45,929 --> 00:05:48,296
What? No, I'm not gay.
124
00:05:48,365 --> 00:05:50,076
Well, then why didn't you
go out with that girl?
125
00:05:50,100 --> 00:05:51,811
Why would I?
126
00:05:51,835 --> 00:05:55,937
I have everything I need
in that department
on my computer.
127
00:05:56,006 --> 00:05:59,841
You have 28 windows of porn
playing simultaneously?
128
00:05:59,910 --> 00:06:03,144
Sometimes I pretend
I'm at the security desk
at the mall
129
00:06:03,213 --> 00:06:06,081
and everyone at the mall
is banging each other.
130
00:06:06,149 --> 00:06:07,582
Chris, don't you see?
131
00:06:07,651 --> 00:06:09,951
You're so desensitized
by all this porn,
132
00:06:10,020 --> 00:06:12,220
you're-you're not
even interested
in actual girls.
133
00:06:12,288 --> 00:06:13,788
Wh-What are you doing?
134
00:06:13,857 --> 00:06:15,668
I'm taking this,
and we are gonna help you
start thinking
135
00:06:15,692 --> 00:06:17,458
about sex
like a normal teenager.
136
00:06:17,527 --> 00:06:19,371
A-All right,
I'll give it a shot.
137
00:06:19,395 --> 00:06:20,729
But it's not gonna be easy.
138
00:06:20,797 --> 00:06:23,214
I had a hell of a time
getting off sugar.
139
00:06:23,283 --> 00:06:24,750
Chris, can you pass the syrup?
140
00:06:24,818 --> 00:06:26,730
Oh, you want the syrup,
old man?!
141
00:06:32,159 --> 00:06:33,291
Yeah!
142
00:06:36,830 --> 00:06:39,030
Yeah, nice attached head, Meg.
143
00:06:39,099 --> 00:06:40,999
Body, throw potatoes.
144
00:06:42,136 --> 00:06:43,416
Winner declared!
145
00:06:47,557 --> 00:06:50,058
Okay, guys, now,
I thought we could try
to find the ghost
146
00:06:50,127 --> 00:06:51,960
by doing the movie Flatliners.
147
00:06:52,029 --> 00:06:53,406
I've never seen it.
Me, neither.
148
00:06:53,430 --> 00:06:55,641
Oh, my God. All right,
we are stopping
everything right now
149
00:06:55,665 --> 00:06:57,365
and watching Flatliners.
150
00:06:57,434 --> 00:06:59,212
♪ I'm all right... ♪
151
00:06:59,236 --> 00:07:01,014
I'm glad we switched
to Caddyshack.
152
00:07:01,038 --> 00:07:03,505
You know what, Peter,
I think I've had enough
ghost hunting.
153
00:07:03,573 --> 00:07:05,273
I'm done, too.
Yeah, I'm out.
154
00:07:05,342 --> 00:07:06,469
Wait, why you leaving?
155
00:07:06,493 --> 00:07:08,304
Because all you do
is screw around.
156
00:07:08,328 --> 00:07:10,690
We've been down here
for hours, and we
haven't found a thing.
157
00:07:10,714 --> 00:07:13,059
Well, maybe that's because
you guys don't know
the first thing
158
00:07:13,083 --> 00:07:14,160
about catching ghosts.
159
00:07:14,184 --> 00:07:15,327
You know what, Lois was right.
160
00:07:15,351 --> 00:07:16,729
We should just
never listen to you.
161
00:07:16,753 --> 00:07:18,202
Come on, guys.
162
00:07:18,271 --> 00:07:20,221
I think you're all just scared.
163
00:07:20,307 --> 00:07:22,824
Oh, yeah?
Let's see who's scared.
164
00:07:22,893 --> 00:07:25,253
What are you doing?
Turn that light back on.
165
00:07:26,113 --> 00:07:27,356
Have a good night, Peter.
166
00:07:27,380 --> 00:07:29,414
Quagmire. Help!
167
00:07:29,483 --> 00:07:31,115
Someone help me!
168
00:07:31,184 --> 00:07:32,951
Hey! Open this door!
169
00:07:33,019 --> 00:07:35,219
Don't leave me alone
with the ghost!
170
00:07:37,173 --> 00:07:40,274
Help! Help!
171
00:07:40,744 --> 00:07:41,977
Help!
172
00:07:42,045 --> 00:07:44,712
Help! Help!
173
00:07:44,781 --> 00:07:48,967
Help! Help!
174
00:07:53,090 --> 00:07:54,823
What the hell?
175
00:07:59,779 --> 00:08:01,546
Peter, are you okay?
176
00:08:01,598 --> 00:08:04,332
I was... down here
all night.
177
00:08:04,401 --> 00:08:06,000
So dark.
178
00:08:08,938 --> 00:08:11,016
Oh, my God.
Peter, your hair.
179
00:08:11,040 --> 00:08:12,740
It turned white.
180
00:08:12,809 --> 00:08:13,992
What?
181
00:08:14,478 --> 00:08:16,211
♪ ♪
182
00:08:17,947 --> 00:08:20,548
Well, I'm a fat dad
with white hair now.
183
00:08:20,617 --> 00:08:24,035
Time to become an issue
at Hooters after 9:00 p.m.
184
00:08:24,103 --> 00:08:25,737
Hey, Ashley. Ashley.
185
00:08:25,805 --> 00:08:27,238
Ashley.
186
00:08:27,306 --> 00:08:30,241
I know... I know
what car is your car.
187
00:08:37,050 --> 00:08:39,050
So, how'd you get
white hair again?
188
00:08:39,119 --> 00:08:40,719
He was scared of a ghost.
189
00:08:40,787 --> 00:08:43,254
Yes, I remember hearing
about this in med school.
190
00:08:43,323 --> 00:08:44,723
Or was it a Scooby-Doo?
191
00:08:44,791 --> 00:08:46,736
You think it's gonna stay,
Dr. Hartman?
192
00:08:46,760 --> 00:08:48,793
No, it's gonna be
"Dr. Ramirez" now.
193
00:08:48,862 --> 00:08:50,361
I'm taking my husband's name.
194
00:08:50,430 --> 00:08:52,274
I'm talking about Peter's hair.
195
00:08:52,298 --> 00:08:54,532
Oh, I'm sorry.
Wedding on the brain.
196
00:08:54,601 --> 00:08:57,568
But, uh, as for
the white hair,
I'm afraid it's permanent.
197
00:08:59,039 --> 00:09:00,671
Hi, sweetie.
198
00:09:00,741 --> 00:09:01,940
We've discussed this.
199
00:09:02,008 --> 00:09:03,341
No to the mole.
200
00:09:03,409 --> 00:09:05,443
Chocolate is for cake,
not chicken.
201
00:09:06,012 --> 00:09:07,712
Oh, come on.
202
00:09:07,781 --> 00:09:09,714
He's crying.
203
00:09:09,783 --> 00:09:12,433
What do I do now?
I mean, should I dye it back?
204
00:09:12,502 --> 00:09:14,802
I don't know why
you'd ask me that.
205
00:09:14,871 --> 00:09:16,570
I mean, I-I don't know
anything about that.
206
00:09:16,639 --> 00:09:18,473
How does one even go about
dyeing one's hair?
207
00:09:18,541 --> 00:09:20,341
I've never heard
of anything so crazy.
208
00:09:20,427 --> 00:09:22,238
Let me get that for you, Doctor.
209
00:09:22,262 --> 00:09:23,962
What? Oh, no,
I'm-I'm not a...
210
00:09:24,031 --> 00:09:25,597
Morning, Doctor.
211
00:09:25,665 --> 00:09:27,732
Wow, Peter, they all think
you're a doctor
212
00:09:27,801 --> 00:09:29,400
because of your white hair.
213
00:09:29,469 --> 00:09:32,136
I have to say,
it does make you
look more distinguished.
214
00:09:32,205 --> 00:09:34,171
Really? Huh.
215
00:09:34,240 --> 00:09:36,318
Well, maybe this will be
a good thing after all.
216
00:09:36,342 --> 00:09:39,127
Like a garbageman with no nose.
217
00:09:39,196 --> 00:09:41,324
Well, this is the best job
218
00:09:41,348 --> 00:09:42,680
in the world!
219
00:09:42,749 --> 00:09:43,815
Rotting meat?
220
00:09:43,883 --> 00:09:45,516
What does that smell like?
221
00:09:45,585 --> 00:09:47,018
Oh, look, receipts.
222
00:09:47,087 --> 00:09:49,454
I'll steal
this person's identity.
223
00:09:49,522 --> 00:09:52,290
From now on,
I'm Robert Dibadeaux.
224
00:09:52,359 --> 00:09:54,359
So long, stinkies!
225
00:09:54,428 --> 00:09:56,127
Not that I would know.
226
00:09:59,866 --> 00:10:01,744
All right, Chris,
it's gonna take a few steps
227
00:10:01,768 --> 00:10:03,312
to get you off hard-core porn.
228
00:10:03,336 --> 00:10:05,214
Now, the first step
is soft-core porn,
229
00:10:05,238 --> 00:10:06,604
where nothing really happens.
230
00:10:08,040 --> 00:10:11,643
Oh, wow, she is just riding
that guy's belly button.
231
00:10:11,711 --> 00:10:13,578
Yep, that's all we had.
232
00:10:13,647 --> 00:10:16,547
And you could watch this
at any time?
233
00:10:16,616 --> 00:10:19,183
No, just Friday
at 11:45 p.m.
234
00:10:19,252 --> 00:10:20,618
And it was free?
235
00:10:20,687 --> 00:10:22,320
No, $45 a month.
236
00:10:22,389 --> 00:10:25,323
Well, what was playing
the other 200 hours per week?
237
00:10:25,392 --> 00:10:28,058
Uh, mostly D.A.R.Y.L.
The movie D.A.R.Y.L.
238
00:10:28,127 --> 00:10:29,260
Was it any good?
239
00:10:29,329 --> 00:10:30,695
It was okay.
240
00:10:30,764 --> 00:10:32,846
Grandpa,
what are you doing here?
241
00:10:32,916 --> 00:10:35,116
Using the bathroom.
Where do you keep the nets
242
00:10:35,184 --> 00:10:36,984
that you put on the bottom
of guys' balls
243
00:10:37,053 --> 00:10:38,498
to stop 'em
from dunking in the water?
244
00:10:38,522 --> 00:10:40,132
What?
What do you mean, "What?"
245
00:10:40,156 --> 00:10:42,690
Where do you keep the nets
246
00:10:42,759 --> 00:10:46,494
that you put on the bottom
of guys' balls
247
00:10:46,563 --> 00:10:50,698
to stop them
from dunking in the water?
248
00:10:55,004 --> 00:10:57,037
Oh, there's my silver fox.
249
00:10:57,106 --> 00:10:58,489
What are you doing out here?
250
00:10:58,558 --> 00:11:00,103
Well, now that I've got
white hair,
251
00:11:00,127 --> 00:11:01,893
I fix my car in slow motion
252
00:11:01,961 --> 00:11:04,496
in an ad for a supplemental
blood thinner.
253
00:11:04,564 --> 00:11:06,342
I took Zanbrex
254
00:11:06,366 --> 00:11:07,782
for over 15 years,
255
00:11:07,850 --> 00:11:10,652
till I learned the benefits
of once-daily Sanguelto,
256
00:11:10,720 --> 00:11:12,853
a latest-generation
blood thinner.
257
00:11:12,923 --> 00:11:15,924
When I'm at a multiracial
picnic for some reason,
258
00:11:15,992 --> 00:11:18,209
the last thing I want to do
is have a stroke.
259
00:11:18,261 --> 00:11:20,762
And thanks
to once-daily Sanguelto,
260
00:11:20,830 --> 00:11:23,548
I can eat potato salad
with chuckling strangers
261
00:11:23,600 --> 00:11:25,411
with the confidence
of someone who knows
262
00:11:25,435 --> 00:11:28,870
he's 12% less likely
to suffer a stroke recurrence.
263
00:11:28,938 --> 00:11:30,871
Thanks to Sanguelto,
I can snuggle
264
00:11:30,941 --> 00:11:33,490
with my age-appropriate wife
on a blanket
265
00:11:33,560 --> 00:11:35,894
underneath
non-holiday-related fireworks.
266
00:11:35,962 --> 00:11:39,030
I left her for six weeks
back in 2009,
267
00:11:39,098 --> 00:11:41,098
only to realize
I was already too old
268
00:11:41,167 --> 00:11:42,466
to bed the type of women
269
00:11:42,536 --> 00:11:44,456
that would make
such a separation worth it.
270
00:11:44,504 --> 00:11:46,470
So, here we are, grinding it out
271
00:11:46,540 --> 00:11:48,283
till one of us has
that second stroke
272
00:11:48,307 --> 00:11:49,707
that you don't come back from.
273
00:11:49,776 --> 00:11:51,375
Thank you, Sanguelto.
274
00:11:55,682 --> 00:11:56,962
What's all this?
275
00:11:57,017 --> 00:11:59,150
Well, a lot of kids'
first foray into sex
276
00:11:59,219 --> 00:12:01,302
is looking at
someone else's porn stash.
277
00:12:01,388 --> 00:12:03,621
So, here's a stack
of water-stained Playboys
278
00:12:03,690 --> 00:12:06,174
that I found in a locker
at the town pool bathroom.
279
00:12:06,242 --> 00:12:08,776
Okay, now we're talking.
280
00:12:12,649 --> 00:12:15,049
Wait. I'm clicking
on this thumbnail,
281
00:12:15,118 --> 00:12:16,718
but the video isn't opening.
282
00:12:16,786 --> 00:12:18,352
No, that's a still image.
283
00:12:18,421 --> 00:12:19,587
See, you look at them,
284
00:12:19,656 --> 00:12:21,923
and then your brain sort of
creates a scene for you.
285
00:12:21,992 --> 00:12:25,026
I don't know. I think maybe
we should try something else.
286
00:12:25,094 --> 00:12:26,594
I think
you should give it a shot.
287
00:12:26,663 --> 00:12:29,263
I think we should all
go investigate
288
00:12:29,332 --> 00:12:32,466
the still-unsolved murder
of Doris Billingsly,
289
00:12:32,536 --> 00:12:35,637
who never did anything
but overcook one dinner
290
00:12:35,705 --> 00:12:38,239
in March of 1962.
291
00:12:43,563 --> 00:12:45,029
All right, I got next round.
292
00:12:48,701 --> 00:12:50,034
Hey, Tom, you okay?
293
00:12:50,103 --> 00:12:51,469
She left me.
294
00:12:51,537 --> 00:12:54,339
Another sign from the universe
that I'll never find love.
295
00:12:54,407 --> 00:12:57,308
Hey, come on, pal. There's
plenty of fish in the sea.
296
00:13:02,182 --> 00:13:03,447
Wow.
297
00:13:03,516 --> 00:13:06,434
You're right. There are.
298
00:13:06,503 --> 00:13:09,203
Say, you've got a way about you,
299
00:13:09,272 --> 00:13:11,872
a certain...
trustworthy quality.
300
00:13:11,941 --> 00:13:13,181
You know, we've got an opening
301
00:13:13,209 --> 00:13:14,689
at the station
for a senior analyst.
302
00:13:14,744 --> 00:13:17,211
I think your white hair
would be perfect for it.
303
00:13:17,280 --> 00:13:19,191
Wow. Really?
What do I do?
304
00:13:19,215 --> 00:13:21,849
You just act like
everyone else is an idiot
and shout over them.
305
00:13:21,917 --> 00:13:23,562
That way, you can...
Shut up! I get it!
306
00:13:23,586 --> 00:13:25,119
Terrific. Hey,
why don't you come down
307
00:13:25,187 --> 00:13:26,487
to the station tomorrow and...?
308
00:13:26,556 --> 00:13:28,889
I know where you work!
Again, terrific.
309
00:13:30,177 --> 00:13:31,609
Wow, this is awesome.
310
00:13:31,678 --> 00:13:35,029
I haven't been on TV since
I had IBS on The Bachelorette.
311
00:13:35,098 --> 00:13:38,265
Derek, I had
such a magical weekend.
312
00:13:38,334 --> 00:13:40,546
You are truly one of a kind.
313
00:13:42,038 --> 00:13:43,549
And that's why
I've decided to...
314
00:13:43,573 --> 00:13:45,940
Excuse me.
Uh, do-do you know
if I'm gonna get a rose?
315
00:13:46,009 --> 00:13:47,687
We're getting to that, Peter.
316
00:13:47,711 --> 00:13:51,012
Derek, that's why
I've decided to give you
this rose.
317
00:13:52,983 --> 00:13:55,817
Evan, getting to see
your softer side was truly...
318
00:13:55,885 --> 00:13:57,151
Excuse me.
319
00:13:57,220 --> 00:13:58,497
I hate to be a bother,
but do you...
320
00:13:58,521 --> 00:14:00,081
do you know if
I'll be receiving a rose?
321
00:14:00,123 --> 00:14:02,090
Because if there's, uh,
further delay,
322
00:14:02,158 --> 00:14:03,491
I believe
something's gonna happen
323
00:14:03,559 --> 00:14:05,593
that will put me
out of contention for a rose.
324
00:14:06,763 --> 00:14:08,229
And that thing just happened.
325
00:14:08,297 --> 00:14:09,497
Farewell, and thank you
326
00:14:09,565 --> 00:14:11,799
for feeding me champagne
and shrimp all day.
327
00:14:16,756 --> 00:14:18,367
Reporting live
from Quahog Prison,
328
00:14:18,391 --> 00:14:20,403
I'm Joe Horrigan,
Channel Five News.
329
00:14:20,427 --> 00:14:22,893
Thanks, Joe.
Great reporting,
terrible eyes.
330
00:14:22,962 --> 00:14:24,773
Switching gears now,
I'd like to talk
331
00:14:24,797 --> 00:14:26,797
about the crime situation
here in Quahog.
332
00:14:26,866 --> 00:14:29,900
Joining me now
is white-haired contributor
Peter Griffin.
333
00:14:29,969 --> 00:14:32,670
Peter, what are you hearing
about crime in Quahog?
334
00:14:32,739 --> 00:14:35,206
Uh... you know, not much.
335
00:14:35,275 --> 00:14:37,908
Not much?
Excuse us for one moment.
336
00:14:39,612 --> 00:14:40,656
What are you doing?!
What?
337
00:14:40,680 --> 00:14:42,091
I don't know anything
about crime.
338
00:14:42,115 --> 00:14:44,748
So? People want to know
that bad stuff's
going on out there.
339
00:14:44,817 --> 00:14:46,350
That's why they watch the news.
340
00:14:46,419 --> 00:14:48,419
You want me to make stuff up?
I don't know.
341
00:14:48,488 --> 00:14:50,688
I thought you had white hair.
342
00:14:50,756 --> 00:14:53,624
You're right, I do.
Of course you do.
343
00:14:56,295 --> 00:14:58,273
Now, you were talking
about crime?
344
00:14:58,297 --> 00:15:00,431
Crime is way up,
and you know why?
345
00:15:00,499 --> 00:15:01,599
'Cause of immigrants.
346
00:15:01,667 --> 00:15:03,300
I say, as Americans,
347
00:15:03,369 --> 00:15:05,570
we should all take a pledge
to kick 'em out.
348
00:15:05,638 --> 00:15:09,073
Only pledge I stand for
is Lemon Pledge.
349
00:15:15,531 --> 00:15:18,571
Peter Griffin,
white hair, very credible,
thank you so much.
350
00:15:18,634 --> 00:15:21,402
Coming up,
lost dog comes home...
351
00:15:21,471 --> 00:15:24,071
one piece at a time.
352
00:15:28,310 --> 00:15:29,694
Peter, that was amazing.
353
00:15:29,763 --> 00:15:31,607
I'm the news director
here at Channel Five.
354
00:15:31,631 --> 00:15:34,132
How would you like to do
what you just did every night?
355
00:15:34,200 --> 00:15:35,800
Wipe a bloody booger
under the desk?
356
00:15:35,869 --> 00:15:37,913
No, I'm asking you
to join us full-time
357
00:15:37,937 --> 00:15:39,949
to be our permanent
senior analyst.
358
00:15:39,973 --> 00:15:42,206
Would you excuse me
while I step into another room
359
00:15:42,275 --> 00:15:45,542
and celebrate like a girl
in a rom-com
who just got good news?
360
00:15:48,514 --> 00:15:50,380
Aah! The Sanguelto!
361
00:15:50,449 --> 00:15:52,617
My blood's thinner than water!
362
00:15:54,487 --> 00:15:56,131
If taking Sanguelto,
363
00:15:56,155 --> 00:15:58,355
please refrain from dancing
like in a rom-com,
364
00:15:58,424 --> 00:16:00,791
as nosebleeds may be permanent.
365
00:16:00,860 --> 00:16:03,527
And remember, most drugs
are prescribed to you
366
00:16:03,596 --> 00:16:05,630
because a hot girl
with a rolling suitcase
367
00:16:05,698 --> 00:16:07,698
gave your doctor a free pen.
368
00:16:15,425 --> 00:16:17,569
Peter, what the hell
do you think you're doing?
369
00:16:17,593 --> 00:16:20,656
Who says you can
just make things up
and call them facts?
370
00:16:20,680 --> 00:16:22,446
Tom Tucker did.
He kissed me.
371
00:16:22,515 --> 00:16:25,027
You have a responsibility
as a member of the press
372
00:16:25,051 --> 00:16:27,229
to report the news accurately.
373
00:16:27,253 --> 00:16:30,621
You can't just say
crazy things that aren't
in any way true.
374
00:16:30,690 --> 00:16:33,924
Yeah, leave that to the yahoos in D.
C.
375
00:16:35,828 --> 00:16:37,962
Did that get
a "That's So Joe"?
No!
376
00:16:38,031 --> 00:16:39,897
Okay, well,
what are the rules on that?
377
00:16:39,966 --> 00:16:41,209
We're still working that out.
378
00:16:41,233 --> 00:16:43,433
Well, let me know
when you decide on the rules.
379
00:16:43,502 --> 00:16:45,870
I'm really excited
about working on this.
380
00:16:46,438 --> 00:16:47,922
With you guys.
381
00:16:52,378 --> 00:16:54,912
Chris, welcome
to the lingerie department.
382
00:16:54,981 --> 00:16:56,380
What are we doing here?
383
00:16:56,448 --> 00:16:58,888
When I was young, seeing
these half-naked mannequins
384
00:16:58,951 --> 00:17:00,729
was all I needed
to get me going.
385
00:17:00,753 --> 00:17:02,119
What's the endgame here...
386
00:17:02,188 --> 00:17:04,033
Him walking around Macy's
with a chub?
387
00:17:04,057 --> 00:17:06,190
No, we've got
to reset his arousal meter.
388
00:17:06,258 --> 00:17:08,659
He needs to be able
to use his imagination again.
389
00:17:08,728 --> 00:17:11,006
Any of these mannequins
doing anything for you, Chris?
390
00:17:11,030 --> 00:17:12,730
Uh, I don't know.
391
00:17:12,799 --> 00:17:15,410
I guess the one
without a head
is pretty cool.
392
00:17:15,434 --> 00:17:17,596
All right, that's...
that's something.
393
00:17:17,620 --> 00:17:19,754
And that bin
of chopped-up ones
over there...
394
00:17:19,822 --> 00:17:21,055
That could be okay.
395
00:17:21,124 --> 00:17:24,091
'Specially the one
that looks kind of afraid.
396
00:17:24,160 --> 00:17:26,055
There you go.
Look at you.
397
00:17:26,079 --> 00:17:28,390
Sounds like someone
is ready for that date.
398
00:17:28,414 --> 00:17:29,813
Do you gentlemen need any help?
399
00:17:29,882 --> 00:17:31,282
No, thank you, dear.
400
00:17:31,350 --> 00:17:35,030
We're just trying
to get my brother
to full mast.
401
00:17:36,805 --> 00:17:39,601
We want to welcome back
our new permanent
senior analyst,
402
00:17:39,625 --> 00:17:41,603
Peter Griffin
and his white hair.
403
00:17:41,627 --> 00:17:43,439
What's the latest
on crime in Quahog?
404
00:17:43,463 --> 00:17:45,796
Tom, crime is up.
Wow. How high?
405
00:17:45,864 --> 00:17:48,466
All the way to the top.
Whoa. The top.
406
00:17:48,534 --> 00:17:51,046
Has it ever been
all the way to
the top before, Peter?
407
00:17:51,070 --> 00:17:53,204
Never. In fact,
we had to raise the top.
408
00:17:53,272 --> 00:17:55,717
So, the new top
is even higher
than the old top?
409
00:17:55,741 --> 00:17:57,708
Yes, the old top
is now the middle.
410
00:17:57,776 --> 00:17:59,343
And The Middle is a show
411
00:17:59,412 --> 00:18:02,279
that was inexplicably on ABC
for a very long time.
412
00:18:02,348 --> 00:18:03,425
How many seasons?
413
00:18:03,449 --> 00:18:05,449
It might be, like, 11.
I'm not even kidding.
414
00:18:05,518 --> 00:18:08,558
Peter Griffin,
white hair, very credible,
thank you so much.
415
00:18:08,621 --> 00:18:10,588
Coming up,
we'll tell you where to look
416
00:18:10,656 --> 00:18:13,457
when a person has a birthmark
on their face.
417
00:18:17,263 --> 00:18:20,063
So, Chris, have you weaned
yourself off of Internet porn?
418
00:18:20,133 --> 00:18:23,434
Wait. I thought
the whole point was
to not wean myself off.
419
00:18:23,503 --> 00:18:26,115
No, Chris, I mean,
have you stopped...?
Never mind.
420
00:18:26,139 --> 00:18:28,272
You ready for your date?
You bet I am!
421
00:18:32,929 --> 00:18:34,145
Hi, Chris.
422
00:18:35,581 --> 00:18:36,980
Hi, Kristen.
423
00:18:37,049 --> 00:18:39,750
Ready to see a Marvel movie,
'cause I chose?
424
00:18:39,818 --> 00:18:41,918
Sure. And for sure
this is a real date,
425
00:18:41,987 --> 00:18:43,220
and me and the popular kids
426
00:18:43,289 --> 00:18:45,822
aren't gonna
thrill-kill you tonight.
427
00:18:45,891 --> 00:18:48,892
I think Chris
is gonna be just fine.
428
00:18:52,198 --> 00:18:54,532
Which is more than
I can say for our pizza.
429
00:18:57,236 --> 00:18:58,636
Oh, man.
430
00:19:07,730 --> 00:19:09,396
Well, I hope you're happy.
431
00:19:09,465 --> 00:19:10,909
You're telling lies on the news
432
00:19:10,933 --> 00:19:12,378
just to boost your own ego.
433
00:19:12,402 --> 00:19:14,034
It's pronounced "Eggo," Lois,
434
00:19:14,103 --> 00:19:16,354
and I will thank you
to leggo of mine.
435
00:19:16,422 --> 00:19:18,500
Peter, fake news
is a real problem
436
00:19:18,524 --> 00:19:19,857
in this country right now,
437
00:19:19,925 --> 00:19:22,826
and I really don't want
my husband contributing to it.
438
00:19:23,579 --> 00:19:24,946
Maybe you're right.
439
00:19:25,014 --> 00:19:27,047
It doesn't feel good
lying all the time.
440
00:19:27,116 --> 00:19:28,749
I guess I just like
all the attention
441
00:19:28,818 --> 00:19:30,418
that came along
with having white hair.
442
00:19:30,453 --> 00:19:33,354
Well, I don't think
that's the kind of attention
you want.
443
00:19:33,423 --> 00:19:35,234
And it's certainly not
the kind of attention
444
00:19:35,258 --> 00:19:36,791
I want for our family.
445
00:19:36,876 --> 00:19:39,609
You know what?
If it means that much to you,
446
00:19:39,678 --> 00:19:41,695
I'll tell Tom
that I won't do it anymore.
447
00:19:41,764 --> 00:19:43,648
Really?
Really.
448
00:19:43,716 --> 00:19:46,417
Oh, Peter,
that makes me so happy.
449
00:19:49,189 --> 00:19:50,788
Hello? Donald Trump?!
450
00:19:50,856 --> 00:19:52,423
You saw me on the news?
451
00:19:52,492 --> 00:19:55,459
You want me to be
your press secretary
in the next episode?
452
00:19:55,528 --> 00:19:56,927
Why, sure, I'd love to!
453
00:19:56,996 --> 00:19:59,029
We'll get started drawing it
right away.
454
00:19:59,098 --> 00:20:00,631
Lois, pack your bags.
455
00:20:00,700 --> 00:20:03,801
We're joining
the Trump Administration.
456
00:20:10,042 --> 00:20:12,109
Just what Washington needs, huh?
457
00:20:12,178 --> 00:20:13,711
Another talking head.
458
00:20:15,515 --> 00:20:18,716
Oh, man.
459
00:20:21,454 --> 00:20:23,437
Next week on Family Guy...
460
00:20:23,506 --> 00:20:26,139
Hey, Dad, I want you
to meet my new friend, Meg.
461
00:20:26,208 --> 00:20:29,443
Pleased to meet you, Meg.
You have a beautiful rack.
462
00:20:29,512 --> 00:20:30,678
Oh, thanks.
463
00:20:30,746 --> 00:20:33,030
I was talking to my daughter.
464
00:20:40,639 --> 00:20:43,423
And now, please welcome
Mr. Bruce Jenner.
465
00:21:00,493 --> 00:21:03,254
Just wanted
to remind you fellas
what you're all fighting for.
34988
Can't find what you're looking for?
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