All language subtitles for Family Guy - S17E02 - Dead Dog Walking

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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:01,235 --> 00:00:04,703 ♪ It seems today that all you see ♪ 2 00:00:04,771 --> 00:00:08,007 ♪ Is violence in movies and sex on TV ♪ 3 00:00:08,075 --> 00:00:11,576 ♪ But where are those good old-fashioned values ♪ 4 00:00:11,645 --> 00:00:14,579 ♪ On which we used to rely? ♪ 5 00:00:14,648 --> 00:00:18,083 ♪ Lucky there's a family guy ♪ 6 00:00:18,152 --> 00:00:21,503 ♪ Lucky there's a man who positively can do ♪ 7 00:00:21,571 --> 00:00:23,166 ♪ All the things that make us ♪ 8 00:00:23,190 --> 00:00:24,522 ♪ Laugh and cry ♪ 9 00:00:24,591 --> 00:00:29,828 ♪ He's... a... Fam... ily... Guy! ♪ 10 00:00:31,098 --> 00:00:33,081 Previously, on Family Guy... 11 00:00:33,150 --> 00:00:35,128 Hey, who wants to play "Drink the Beer"? 12 00:00:35,152 --> 00:00:37,112 Right here. Heh. You win! 13 00:00:37,154 --> 00:00:39,471 All right! What do I win? Another beer! 14 00:00:39,540 --> 00:00:42,390 More recently, and better, on Family Guy... 15 00:00:42,460 --> 00:00:45,694 All right, you ready? All right, one, two, three. 16 00:00:45,763 --> 00:00:47,073 Okay, all right. 17 00:00:47,097 --> 00:00:49,142 Uh, okay. All right. Easy, easy, easy, easy. 18 00:00:49,166 --> 00:00:50,577 Whoa-whoa-whoa-whoa, stop, stop, stop, 19 00:00:50,601 --> 00:00:52,078 stop, stop, stop, stop, stop. What? What? What? 20 00:00:52,102 --> 00:00:53,814 No, no, no, no. Twist it. What? I am. 21 00:00:53,838 --> 00:00:55,482 No. No, no, no, no. No, no, no, no. I... I... 22 00:00:55,506 --> 00:00:56,583 Other way, other way, you're twistin' it the wrong way. 23 00:00:56,607 --> 00:00:58,423 Wh-Which way? 24 00:00:58,491 --> 00:01:01,271 Even more recently, and not quite as good, on Family Guy... 25 00:01:01,295 --> 00:01:03,962 Jess is going to live! 26 00:01:04,030 --> 00:01:06,581 ♪ ♪ 27 00:01:08,185 --> 00:01:09,817 Brian, did you hear that? 28 00:01:09,886 --> 00:01:11,136 Mm-hmm. 29 00:01:11,188 --> 00:01:13,166 Stewie, I've got to get out of this. 30 00:01:13,190 --> 00:01:15,323 And now, the current, better-than-the-pilot- 31 00:01:15,392 --> 00:01:17,325 but-not-as-good- as-Star-Wars-episode 32 00:01:17,394 --> 00:01:19,227 of Family Guy. 33 00:01:21,398 --> 00:01:24,282 Sorry it took us so long to have dinner together. 34 00:01:24,351 --> 00:01:26,496 Oh, that's okay. You were busy... 35 00:01:26,520 --> 00:01:27,920 being dead. 36 00:01:30,925 --> 00:01:33,236 Did you warn this guy when he married you 37 00:01:33,260 --> 00:01:35,472 he also married your friends? 38 00:01:38,699 --> 00:01:40,833 I love his laugh! 39 00:01:40,901 --> 00:01:44,269 Ha-ha-ha-ha! Ha-ha-ha-ha! 40 00:01:44,338 --> 00:01:45,938 Ah-ha-ha-ha! 41 00:01:50,394 --> 00:01:52,961 Oh, Meg, you have to babysit for Stewie Saturday. 42 00:01:53,030 --> 00:01:55,208 Nope. Okay. Chris, you have to do it. 43 00:01:55,232 --> 00:01:56,765 What? That's not fair. 44 00:01:56,833 --> 00:01:59,768 I have a party to go to. Sorry, Meg found pictures 45 00:01:59,836 --> 00:02:02,015 on your father's computer, and she's blackmailing us. 46 00:02:02,039 --> 00:02:05,107 She can do what she wants till we get some dirt on her. 47 00:02:05,192 --> 00:02:07,103 I didn't know it was supposed to be hard 48 00:02:07,127 --> 00:02:09,044 before I took the picture. 49 00:02:20,541 --> 00:02:22,374 Oh, hey, Peter. Be with you in a sec. 50 00:02:22,442 --> 00:02:24,587 I'm burning the place down. You got the bedbugs? 51 00:02:24,611 --> 00:02:27,390 That don't make sense. This isn't the Red Rock Motor Lodge 52 00:02:27,414 --> 00:02:29,047 in Montgomery, Alabama. 53 00:02:29,116 --> 00:02:30,927 Please send the lawsuit to our lawyer, 54 00:02:30,951 --> 00:02:32,634 whose address is below. 55 00:02:32,703 --> 00:02:35,203 That's right, she's also a lawyer. 56 00:02:35,272 --> 00:02:37,338 The mystery deepens. 57 00:02:37,408 --> 00:02:39,008 I don't have bedbugs. I'm burning it down 58 00:02:39,042 --> 00:02:40,375 so I can fake my own death. 59 00:02:40,444 --> 00:02:42,043 Can you throw me that white fur coat 60 00:02:42,112 --> 00:02:44,090 filled with HoneyBaked hams? What? 61 00:02:44,114 --> 00:02:46,414 I just... I can't take it, Peter. 62 00:02:46,483 --> 00:02:49,084 I thought I could marry Jess, but it's awful! 63 00:02:49,152 --> 00:02:50,769 I can't live this way! 64 00:02:50,838 --> 00:02:52,115 Hey, relax. You're married now. 65 00:02:52,139 --> 00:02:53,917 You don't have to worry about nothin'. 66 00:02:53,941 --> 00:02:55,373 Everything's done for you. 67 00:02:55,442 --> 00:02:57,921 I mean, I literally don't know where socks come from. 68 00:02:57,945 --> 00:02:59,755 No idea. Do they come from trees? 69 00:02:59,779 --> 00:03:01,124 From bushes? I don't know. 70 00:03:01,148 --> 00:03:02,959 Get a hole in one, new pair shows up 71 00:03:02,983 --> 00:03:04,627 in my drawer, just like that. 72 00:03:04,651 --> 00:03:07,418 Food, too. I chucked the mustard onto the front lawn last week. 73 00:03:07,487 --> 00:03:08,998 That night, back in the fridge. 74 00:03:09,022 --> 00:03:10,521 That would be kind of nice. 75 00:03:10,590 --> 00:03:11,870 Listen, stick with me. 76 00:03:11,925 --> 00:03:13,569 We're gonna have a great adventure, 77 00:03:13,593 --> 00:03:16,595 like the astronaut who thinks the lowest number is three. 78 00:03:16,647 --> 00:03:19,447 And liftoff in five, four, 79 00:03:19,516 --> 00:03:21,060 - three... - Whoa! 80 00:03:21,084 --> 00:03:23,018 Two, one... Oh. 81 00:03:23,086 --> 00:03:25,988 Liftoff. Whoa! 82 00:03:30,110 --> 00:03:31,409 This is our spot, Brian. 83 00:03:31,478 --> 00:03:34,046 A place just for married guys like you and me. 84 00:03:34,114 --> 00:03:35,413 Husbands Restaurant? 85 00:03:35,482 --> 00:03:36,960 I've never seen this place before. 86 00:03:36,984 --> 00:03:38,962 Is it new? Nope. Been here for 30 years. 87 00:03:38,986 --> 00:03:41,086 You just can't see it until you get married. 88 00:03:41,154 --> 00:03:42,520 Watch. Take your ring off. 89 00:03:46,477 --> 00:03:47,988 Wow! Wearing the ring 90 00:03:48,012 --> 00:03:50,045 also makes you wear giant khaki shorts 91 00:03:50,114 --> 00:03:53,281 with a belt and a lot of keys rattling around in the pockets. 92 00:03:56,353 --> 00:03:58,453 You're right! 93 00:03:58,521 --> 00:04:00,166 What are all these keys for? 94 00:04:00,190 --> 00:04:01,556 A series of sheds. 95 00:04:01,624 --> 00:04:03,558 I got a lot of sheds back home. 96 00:04:03,626 --> 00:04:05,604 Oh. You have more than one shed? 97 00:04:05,628 --> 00:04:07,229 'Course. You always need an extra shed. 98 00:04:07,297 --> 00:04:10,332 I even got one shed that just has an extra shed in it. 99 00:04:10,400 --> 00:04:13,268 You guys talking about sheds? Hell yes. I love my sheds. 100 00:04:13,337 --> 00:04:15,303 Me, too. High five on sheds. 101 00:04:15,372 --> 00:04:16,571 Sheds! 102 00:04:16,639 --> 00:04:18,217 Sheds... 103 00:04:18,241 --> 00:04:22,010 sheds... sheds... sheds... 104 00:04:25,182 --> 00:04:27,615 Are those really Tom Arnold's sweatpants in that frame? 105 00:04:27,685 --> 00:04:29,685 Yep. That's the Husbands wall of heroes. 106 00:04:29,753 --> 00:04:31,970 There are a lot of fat guys here. 107 00:04:32,022 --> 00:04:33,788 Well, yeah, Brian. Every man's true weight 108 00:04:33,857 --> 00:04:35,991 is at least 20 pounds heavier than how they look. 109 00:04:36,059 --> 00:04:38,760 You know how much energy it takes to hold all that in? 110 00:04:38,829 --> 00:04:40,161 You can finally let go. 111 00:04:40,230 --> 00:04:42,430 Just relax. Exhale for once. 112 00:04:42,499 --> 00:04:44,499 Exhale like you never have to attract 113 00:04:44,568 --> 00:04:46,651 a pretty woman ever again. 114 00:04:52,275 --> 00:04:54,542 Wow, that feels amazing. 115 00:04:54,628 --> 00:04:56,794 Now, let's order some food. I'm starving. 116 00:04:56,863 --> 00:04:59,231 Nice to meet you, Starving. I'm Brian. 117 00:05:13,030 --> 00:05:16,275 Oh, looks like they really want me to come to that party. 118 00:05:16,299 --> 00:05:19,367 We're gonna have to go. You... you have a pager? 119 00:05:19,436 --> 00:05:21,202 Yeah. You get paged? 120 00:05:21,271 --> 00:05:22,949 Yeah, that's how a pager works. 121 00:05:22,973 --> 00:05:24,873 Why don't you just get a phone? 122 00:05:24,942 --> 00:05:27,620 Um, you mean one of your government tracking devices? 123 00:05:27,644 --> 00:05:29,622 No, thanks. I'm using a pager. 124 00:05:29,646 --> 00:05:31,624 "Oh, you're looking at your steps?" 125 00:05:31,648 --> 00:05:34,049 No, the government's watching where you're going. 126 00:05:34,117 --> 00:05:37,052 It's not nap time, Stewie. Wake up. 127 00:05:37,120 --> 00:05:39,604 All right, we're out of here. 128 00:05:39,673 --> 00:05:41,506 Okay, Stewie's going to the party. 129 00:05:41,575 --> 00:05:43,942 Yeah, but where's Chris going? I have no idea! 130 00:05:44,011 --> 00:05:45,777 He's completely off the grid! 131 00:05:45,846 --> 00:05:48,396 Damn it! He can't hide forever. 132 00:05:51,001 --> 00:05:53,652 Where are you? 133 00:06:01,979 --> 00:06:03,957 Boy, this really is a high school party. 134 00:06:03,981 --> 00:06:06,547 Complete with the popular kid who's clearly going to die 135 00:06:06,616 --> 00:06:08,383 in a car accident tonight. 136 00:06:08,452 --> 00:06:10,551 Hey, Jagger, can you help out at the soup kitchen 137 00:06:10,620 --> 00:06:13,355 tomorrow at noon? Sure. I should be alive then. 138 00:06:13,423 --> 00:06:14,972 Yeah, he gone. 139 00:06:15,993 --> 00:06:17,742 I see we're smoking. 140 00:06:17,811 --> 00:06:19,560 We're not smoking. We're vaping. 141 00:06:19,629 --> 00:06:21,896 What's the difference? Smoking is for losers. 142 00:06:21,965 --> 00:06:23,698 Vaping is for douchebags. 143 00:06:23,766 --> 00:06:25,744 Aw. I want to be a douchebag. 144 00:06:25,768 --> 00:06:27,568 Do you own 19 hats? 145 00:06:27,637 --> 00:06:31,239 I only have one, but it's a Stussy hat with a flat brim. 146 00:06:31,308 --> 00:06:32,673 Have a seat. 147 00:06:38,731 --> 00:06:40,748 Whoo-hoo, it's delightful! 148 00:06:40,818 --> 00:06:43,051 Chris! Chris, isn't this cool? 149 00:06:43,120 --> 00:06:46,137 Stewie, don't say my name! There's an Alexa in here! 150 00:06:47,357 --> 00:06:49,007 Sir, we have eyes on Chris. 151 00:06:49,075 --> 00:06:51,075 He's at a douchebag vaping party. 152 00:06:51,144 --> 00:06:55,030 Sooner or later, they all get sloppy. 153 00:07:01,371 --> 00:07:03,182 I got to say, Bri, the guys at Husbands 154 00:07:03,206 --> 00:07:04,616 are a little worried about you. 155 00:07:04,640 --> 00:07:05,974 They said you had four 156 00:07:06,042 --> 00:07:08,122 Scott Peterson fish sandwiches yesterday. 157 00:07:09,880 --> 00:07:11,279 Fireball? 158 00:07:11,348 --> 00:07:13,625 No, because I'm not a Skidmore freshman 159 00:07:13,649 --> 00:07:15,783 at a Lake George share-house. 160 00:07:15,853 --> 00:07:17,719 Or am I? 161 00:07:19,940 --> 00:07:21,339 Man, Skidmore's the best! 162 00:07:21,408 --> 00:07:23,374 You said it, Pete. Race you to the raft? 163 00:07:23,444 --> 00:07:24,654 You're on! 164 00:07:24,678 --> 00:07:26,043 Yeah, let's go! 165 00:07:26,113 --> 00:07:28,613 But the water was too shallow. 166 00:07:28,681 --> 00:07:31,182 Bryce broke his neck and never walked again. 167 00:07:31,251 --> 00:07:33,351 This put an end to off-campus drinking 168 00:07:33,420 --> 00:07:35,186 and lake house rentals. 169 00:07:35,255 --> 00:07:36,387 I was just fine. 170 00:07:36,456 --> 00:07:38,189 I landed on Bryce. 171 00:07:38,258 --> 00:07:39,857 ♪ ♪ 172 00:07:39,926 --> 00:07:41,859 He's starting to smell. 173 00:07:41,928 --> 00:07:43,328 He needs a bath. 174 00:07:43,396 --> 00:07:45,296 He doesn't like baths. 175 00:07:45,365 --> 00:07:47,982 And I see you lost the alcohol argument. 176 00:07:48,051 --> 00:07:49,728 Can't you hear them talking about you? 177 00:07:49,752 --> 00:07:52,053 Yeah. I'm a dog; I can hear everything. 178 00:07:52,122 --> 00:07:55,022 By the way, the Stranger Things monster just farted. 179 00:07:55,091 --> 00:07:58,543 Whew! Must have been that fat chick I ate. 180 00:07:58,611 --> 00:08:01,429 Time for dinner, guys. Awesome. I'm starving. 181 00:08:02,449 --> 00:08:04,215 Oh! 182 00:08:04,284 --> 00:08:05,533 Oh... 183 00:08:05,602 --> 00:08:07,297 Holy crap! Brian, you okay? 184 00:08:12,459 --> 00:08:14,158 Keep it down up there! 185 00:08:15,796 --> 00:08:17,874 Holy crap, Hal, what's wrong with you? 186 00:08:17,898 --> 00:08:20,382 You love it. 187 00:08:25,589 --> 00:08:27,488 How's it look, Doc? 188 00:08:27,557 --> 00:08:29,802 I'm sorry to say you have hip dysplasia. 189 00:08:29,826 --> 00:08:31,259 What's that? 190 00:08:31,345 --> 00:08:33,423 I'm not sure what dysplasia is, but I do know 191 00:08:33,447 --> 00:08:35,947 you don't often see a "Y" that far up in a word. 192 00:08:36,015 --> 00:08:37,927 I took the liberty of X-raying my own hip 193 00:08:37,951 --> 00:08:40,163 to show you what a normal one looks like. 194 00:08:40,187 --> 00:08:42,627 Why does it look like there's a Batmobile in your colon? 195 00:08:42,656 --> 00:08:44,133 Just keep your eyes on the hips. 196 00:08:44,157 --> 00:08:45,690 So, what's the next step? 197 00:08:45,758 --> 00:08:48,471 I was hoping, whenever the Bat-Signal goes up in the sky, 198 00:08:48,495 --> 00:08:50,973 this thing will just drive out. Uh, no. For Brian. 199 00:08:50,997 --> 00:08:53,176 Ah. Well, wouldn't hurt to lose some weight. 200 00:08:53,200 --> 00:08:56,011 And he won't be able to walk until his hip heals. 201 00:08:56,035 --> 00:08:58,181 He'll need someone to take care of him. 202 00:08:58,205 --> 00:08:59,571 I'll take care of him. 203 00:08:59,639 --> 00:09:02,290 Like you took care of me when I was sick. 204 00:09:02,359 --> 00:09:04,487 Come back in a week, we can check your pfft-pfft. 205 00:09:04,511 --> 00:09:05,643 What is that? 206 00:09:05,712 --> 00:09:07,456 That's the sound a blood pressure machine makes. 207 00:09:07,480 --> 00:09:09,525 I do impressions for the doctor talent show. 208 00:09:09,549 --> 00:09:11,283 Do you know what this is? 209 00:09:11,351 --> 00:09:13,418 Braaap! Braaap! 210 00:09:13,486 --> 00:09:15,153 An MRI? 211 00:09:15,222 --> 00:09:17,789 Yes! Adding that to my set. 212 00:09:22,612 --> 00:09:24,112 Oh, my God. 213 00:09:24,181 --> 00:09:26,325 Where there's smoke, there's... Just me vaping. 214 00:09:26,349 --> 00:09:28,416 Stewie, if Mom and Dad see you with that thing, 215 00:09:28,485 --> 00:09:29,584 they'll kill me. 216 00:09:29,653 --> 00:09:30,835 Get rid of it! 217 00:09:30,904 --> 00:09:32,670 No way. It's awesome. Watch this. 218 00:09:39,246 --> 00:09:41,178 I'm not good at the football part. 219 00:09:41,247 --> 00:09:43,181 It smells like raspberry. 220 00:09:43,250 --> 00:09:45,527 Yeah. It's basically the same as eating fruit. 221 00:09:45,551 --> 00:09:48,586 Vaping isn't bad for you? It can't be bad for you 222 00:09:48,655 --> 00:09:50,666 if Stephen Dorff gave up acting for it. 223 00:09:50,690 --> 00:09:53,191 It does seem like they're making it for kids. 224 00:09:53,260 --> 00:09:55,960 This flavor is... "baby formula." 225 00:09:56,029 --> 00:09:57,662 Let me try. 226 00:09:59,716 --> 00:10:01,015 Yummy. 227 00:10:01,084 --> 00:10:02,466 Watch this. 228 00:10:06,840 --> 00:10:08,806 Like the movie The Ring. 229 00:10:08,875 --> 00:10:10,207 Awesome! 230 00:10:13,913 --> 00:10:15,212 Come back here, you. 231 00:10:16,415 --> 00:10:18,850 Giggity, giggity, crabbity, giggity. 232 00:10:21,405 --> 00:10:25,807 ♪ Yes, I'm stuck in the middle with you ♪ 233 00:10:25,876 --> 00:10:29,511 ♪ And I'm wondering what it is I should do ♪ 234 00:10:29,579 --> 00:10:33,448 ♪ It's so hard to keep this smile from my face ♪ 235 00:10:33,517 --> 00:10:36,418 ♪ Losing control, yeah, I'm all over the place ♪ 236 00:10:37,754 --> 00:10:39,687 ♪ Clowns to the left of me ♪ 237 00:10:39,756 --> 00:10:40,955 ♪ Jokers to the right ♪ 238 00:10:41,024 --> 00:10:42,189 ♪ Here I am ♪ 239 00:10:42,258 --> 00:10:45,026 ♪ Stuck in the middle with you ♪ 240 00:10:45,094 --> 00:10:47,061 ♪ Well, you started out with nothing ♪ 241 00:10:47,130 --> 00:10:49,864 ♪ And you're proud that you're a self-made man ♪ 242 00:10:49,933 --> 00:10:53,184 ♪ ♪ 243 00:10:53,252 --> 00:10:55,080 ♪ And your friends, they all come crawlin' ♪ 244 00:10:55,104 --> 00:10:57,372 ♪ Slap you on the back and say ♪ 245 00:10:57,440 --> 00:10:59,807 ♪ Ple-e-e-e-e-ease ♪ 246 00:10:59,876 --> 00:11:01,809 ♪ ♪ 247 00:11:01,878 --> 00:11:04,746 ♪ Ple-e-e-e-e-ease ♪ 248 00:11:04,814 --> 00:11:06,814 ♪ ♪ 249 00:11:12,822 --> 00:11:16,591 ♪ Yes, I'm stuck in the middle with you ♪ 250 00:11:16,660 --> 00:11:20,328 ♪ And I'm wondering what it is I should do ♪ 251 00:11:20,397 --> 00:11:24,098 ♪ It's so hard to keep this smile from my face ♪ 252 00:11:24,167 --> 00:11:28,652 ♪ Losing control, yeah, I'm all over the place. ♪ 253 00:11:35,278 --> 00:11:36,744 E-liquid, please. 254 00:11:36,813 --> 00:11:38,679 Anything that tastes like a Fruit Roll-Up. 255 00:11:38,748 --> 00:11:39,925 Good, all good. 256 00:11:39,949 --> 00:11:40,993 Good. All good. 257 00:11:41,017 --> 00:11:42,294 No worries, all good? 258 00:11:42,318 --> 00:11:43,929 We're good. Good, all good. 259 00:11:43,953 --> 00:11:44,997 Here you go. 260 00:11:45,021 --> 00:11:46,132 You good? You all good? 261 00:11:46,156 --> 00:11:47,633 All good here. Yep, we're good. 262 00:11:47,657 --> 00:11:49,574 Good, all good. 263 00:11:49,626 --> 00:11:52,260 This whole vaping thing was a very smart move. 264 00:11:52,329 --> 00:11:54,562 It tastes great and I don't feel violently ill 265 00:11:54,631 --> 00:11:56,797 as long as some of this vapor is in my lungs. 266 00:11:56,866 --> 00:11:58,911 Plus, when you wake up at night shaking 267 00:11:58,935 --> 00:12:00,779 because you haven't had any in three hours, 268 00:12:00,803 --> 00:12:02,870 it's so easy to vape more. 269 00:12:02,939 --> 00:12:04,805 Let's face it, this is the most fun we've had 270 00:12:04,874 --> 00:12:08,309 since Mom got hooked on coffee and bought that Alpuccino maker. 271 00:12:08,378 --> 00:12:11,896 Hoo-ah! 272 00:12:15,485 --> 00:12:17,952 Thank you for having us over for dinner. 273 00:12:18,021 --> 00:12:21,088 Sometimes it's been difficult to cook 274 00:12:21,157 --> 00:12:23,491 with all the other things I have to do for Brian. 275 00:12:23,560 --> 00:12:25,743 Oh, don't listen to her, I'm so easy. 276 00:12:25,812 --> 00:12:27,678 I do have to go to the bathroom, though. 277 00:12:30,049 --> 00:12:31,816 Jess really has been amazing. 278 00:12:33,353 --> 00:12:35,853 She even set up surgery for me to have my hip fixed. 279 00:12:37,924 --> 00:12:39,757 Uhp, don't get fooled. 280 00:12:41,060 --> 00:12:42,500 I don't know what I'd do without her. 281 00:12:42,562 --> 00:12:44,662 I think I've really found true love. 282 00:12:44,731 --> 00:12:47,165 Well, that's lovely. 283 00:12:47,233 --> 00:12:49,300 You know, I don't think we've said grace yet. 284 00:12:49,368 --> 00:12:50,835 Oh, yeah. Bless us, oh Lord, 285 00:12:50,904 --> 00:12:52,547 for these thy gifts, which we are about to receive. 286 00:12:52,571 --> 00:12:54,405 Get out of there, Mountain Dew. 287 00:12:58,411 --> 00:13:00,222 I'm here for Brian Griffin. 288 00:13:00,246 --> 00:13:01,378 Well, this is it, Jess. 289 00:13:01,448 --> 00:13:03,225 See you after my hip surgery. 290 00:13:03,249 --> 00:13:05,227 He won't be needing this anymore. 291 00:13:05,251 --> 00:13:06,300 Thanks. 292 00:13:06,369 --> 00:13:07,768 Good-bye, Brian. 293 00:13:07,837 --> 00:13:09,581 You mean "see you soon," right? 294 00:13:09,605 --> 00:13:11,233 Wait, why won't I need my collar? 295 00:13:14,277 --> 00:13:16,227 So, what's this? 296 00:13:16,296 --> 00:13:17,862 Kind of like a pre-op? 297 00:13:17,931 --> 00:13:19,891 Are all these dogs having hip surgery? 298 00:13:20,800 --> 00:13:22,244 Where do you think you are? 299 00:13:22,268 --> 00:13:24,836 This isn't a doctor's office, this is the pound. 300 00:13:24,904 --> 00:13:26,370 You're being euthanized. 301 00:13:26,439 --> 00:13:28,989 What? Jess is having me put down? 302 00:13:29,058 --> 00:13:31,358 Oh, my God, this can't be happening! 303 00:13:31,428 --> 00:13:34,027 Did you also eat a kid? 304 00:13:42,405 --> 00:13:44,138 Look, there's been a horrible mistake. 305 00:13:44,206 --> 00:13:45,506 You've got the wrong dog. 306 00:13:45,575 --> 00:13:48,208 Says right here I got to euthanize Brian Griffin, 307 00:13:48,277 --> 00:13:50,010 and you're him. 308 00:13:50,079 --> 00:13:52,246 You wouldn't kill a singing dog, would you? 309 00:13:52,315 --> 00:13:54,531 ♪ Hello, my baby, hello, my honey ♪ 310 00:13:54,600 --> 00:13:56,868 ♪ Hello, my ragtime gal. ♪ 311 00:13:56,936 --> 00:13:59,353 ♪ ♪ 312 00:13:59,422 --> 00:14:01,422 ♪ ♪ 313 00:14:11,284 --> 00:14:14,969 Oh, now you're getting euthanized for sure. 314 00:14:22,762 --> 00:14:24,128 Hi, honey. 315 00:14:24,197 --> 00:14:26,230 Mommy needs money for scratchers. 316 00:14:26,299 --> 00:14:29,699 What the... what kind of brazen thievery is this? 317 00:14:31,354 --> 00:14:33,237 Where'd you get this? 318 00:14:33,306 --> 00:14:35,273 Chris Griffin! You get in here! 319 00:14:36,359 --> 00:14:37,558 What is this? 320 00:14:37,627 --> 00:14:39,460 Um... robot penis? 321 00:14:39,529 --> 00:14:41,440 Seriously, I'm absolutely jonesing right now, 322 00:14:41,464 --> 00:14:42,630 so give it back. 323 00:14:42,699 --> 00:14:43,992 I know what this is. I watch Bravo. 324 00:14:44,016 --> 00:14:45,361 I'm not doing it. You are too young 325 00:14:45,385 --> 00:14:46,795 to be doing this. Maybe it's his and he's just 326 00:14:46,819 --> 00:14:48,163 too dumb to hide it. And if that's not bad enough, 327 00:14:48,187 --> 00:14:49,699 you leave it out for Stewie to get his hands on it? 328 00:14:49,723 --> 00:14:51,834 I don't know, Mom, I'm not my brother's keeper. 329 00:14:51,858 --> 00:14:54,058 He's just a baby. Babies are stupid like that! 330 00:14:54,127 --> 00:14:55,293 I'm taking it... 331 00:14:55,362 --> 00:14:57,629 and you are grounded, mister. 332 00:14:57,697 --> 00:15:00,265 Now look what you did, you little son of a bitch. 333 00:15:00,333 --> 00:15:01,333 She has my vaporizer. 334 00:15:01,401 --> 00:15:02,600 You have to get it back. 335 00:15:02,669 --> 00:15:04,101 That's your problem. 336 00:15:04,170 --> 00:15:06,804 You lost your vape pen, I didn't lose mine. 337 00:15:06,873 --> 00:15:09,574 Well, I guess you win. 338 00:15:20,570 --> 00:15:22,887 Hey. 339 00:15:36,052 --> 00:15:38,252 Oh, tastes so good, like skin berries. 340 00:15:38,321 --> 00:15:40,254 I'm alive with pleasure. 341 00:15:50,499 --> 00:15:52,433 It's possible we've taken this too far. 342 00:15:52,501 --> 00:15:55,235 I'll just go down and get yours back. 343 00:15:56,856 --> 00:15:59,924 I will never forget this day. 344 00:16:02,962 --> 00:16:05,113 Mom, I need to talk to you. 345 00:16:05,181 --> 00:16:07,448 Technically, that was not my vape pen, 346 00:16:07,517 --> 00:16:10,551 but I do need it back because it belongs to a friend of mine. 347 00:16:10,620 --> 00:16:12,386 We accidentally switched jackets, 348 00:16:12,455 --> 00:16:14,922 not unlike that episode of The Brady Bunch, when Greg... 349 00:16:16,992 --> 00:16:20,306 Oh, damn it, Chris, why do your lies have to take so damn long? 350 00:16:20,330 --> 00:16:22,230 You're smoking the vape pen? 351 00:16:22,298 --> 00:16:24,076 No, I'm sneaking a real cigarette 352 00:16:24,100 --> 00:16:26,144 like frustrated mothers are supposed to do. 353 00:16:26,168 --> 00:16:28,202 You're such a hypocrite! 354 00:16:28,271 --> 00:16:29,770 At least vaping is healthy. 355 00:16:29,839 --> 00:16:31,372 Oh, don't be an idiot. 356 00:16:31,441 --> 00:16:33,874 Vaping is just as bad, and you look like a douchebag. 357 00:16:33,943 --> 00:16:36,176 No, I don't. I look cool. 358 00:16:36,246 --> 00:16:37,778 Go ahead. 359 00:16:37,846 --> 00:16:39,413 Hold it to your mouth. 360 00:16:42,369 --> 00:16:45,453 Oh, my God, I'm a douchebag. 361 00:16:48,657 --> 00:16:49,856 It's okay, Chris. 362 00:16:49,925 --> 00:16:51,758 Your secret's safe with me. 363 00:17:05,809 --> 00:17:07,041 Hey, what's up, Jess? 364 00:17:07,109 --> 00:17:08,543 I came to see how Brian's... 365 00:17:08,611 --> 00:17:09,988 Hoo-ah! 366 00:17:10,012 --> 00:17:12,024 Sorry, I'm just making an Alpuccino. 367 00:17:12,048 --> 00:17:13,314 Oh. 368 00:17:13,382 --> 00:17:14,660 Well, anyway, I was just wondering... 369 00:17:14,684 --> 00:17:16,261 Hoo-ah! 370 00:17:16,285 --> 00:17:17,930 Sorry, my mom wanted one, too. 371 00:17:17,954 --> 00:17:19,253 Oh, that's-that's fine. 372 00:17:19,322 --> 00:17:20,933 So is Brian... Can I get you one? 373 00:17:20,957 --> 00:17:21,989 Uh, sure. 374 00:17:22,058 --> 00:17:23,223 Is Brian going to, uh... 375 00:17:23,292 --> 00:17:24,804 Hoo-ah! 376 00:17:24,828 --> 00:17:26,093 When is Brian coming back? 377 00:17:26,162 --> 00:17:27,272 Oh, never. 378 00:17:27,296 --> 00:17:28,576 I'm having him euthanized. 379 00:17:28,631 --> 00:17:29,930 Euthanized? 380 00:17:29,999 --> 00:17:31,315 Oh, my God! 381 00:17:31,384 --> 00:17:34,285 ♪ ♪ 382 00:17:38,208 --> 00:17:39,590 Come on, come on. 383 00:17:51,003 --> 00:17:53,871 Euthanize, euthanize, euthanize... 384 00:17:57,176 --> 00:17:58,325 Oh, my God! 385 00:17:58,394 --> 00:17:59,894 I got to do something! 386 00:18:05,451 --> 00:18:08,369 Damn it. Now I have to do that with every dictionary here. 387 00:18:08,437 --> 00:18:10,637 Hold on, Brian, hold on. 388 00:18:16,345 --> 00:18:18,465 Don't worry, buddy. I'm on my way. 389 00:18:26,422 --> 00:18:30,224 I'm warning you, if you kill me, the Internet's gonna freak out. 390 00:18:35,531 --> 00:18:37,342 Please, it can't end like this. 391 00:18:37,366 --> 00:18:39,011 There has to be something I can do. 392 00:18:39,035 --> 00:18:40,868 Well, for 200 bucks, I'll strangle you 393 00:18:40,937 --> 00:18:44,071 with my bare hands and stare into your eyes as you die. 394 00:18:44,139 --> 00:18:46,006 What? I'm not paying for that. 395 00:18:46,075 --> 00:18:47,575 I meant I'll pay you. 396 00:18:47,643 --> 00:18:49,643 Stop! That's my dog! 397 00:18:49,712 --> 00:18:51,011 Oh, Peter, thank God. 398 00:18:51,080 --> 00:18:52,624 You got here just in time. 399 00:18:52,648 --> 00:18:54,715 You want to make $200? 400 00:18:54,784 --> 00:18:55,983 I do. 401 00:18:56,052 --> 00:19:00,420 It's... beautiful. 402 00:19:03,109 --> 00:19:04,487 What the hell are you doing here? 403 00:19:04,511 --> 00:19:06,010 Brian, I can explain. 404 00:19:06,078 --> 00:19:08,423 Explain what? How you brought me here to have me killed? 405 00:19:08,447 --> 00:19:09,714 Well, you're no better. 406 00:19:09,782 --> 00:19:11,426 You could have saved my life in the restaurant, 407 00:19:11,450 --> 00:19:13,283 but you let me choke to death. 408 00:19:13,352 --> 00:19:15,748 Okay, fine. I probably could have done more 409 00:19:15,772 --> 00:19:17,037 to save your life. 410 00:19:17,106 --> 00:19:19,251 I was just so unhappy being married, I... 411 00:19:19,275 --> 00:19:22,877 I guess I felt letting you choke was my only way out. 412 00:19:22,945 --> 00:19:24,222 God, that sounds awful. 413 00:19:24,246 --> 00:19:25,629 Maybe I did deserve to die. 414 00:19:25,698 --> 00:19:28,249 W-Well, and I should've kept taking care of you, 415 00:19:28,317 --> 00:19:30,718 instead of bringing you here to have you killed. 416 00:19:30,786 --> 00:19:34,622 Maybe I deserve to be with someone who let me die. 417 00:19:34,690 --> 00:19:37,858 Maybe we deserve each other. 418 00:19:37,926 --> 00:19:40,406 It does seem like we're meant for each other. 419 00:19:40,463 --> 00:19:43,942 I mean, gosh, maybe that's what true marriage is... 420 00:19:43,966 --> 00:19:46,010 two people who want each other to die. 421 00:19:46,034 --> 00:19:47,679 Now you're getting it. 422 00:19:47,703 --> 00:19:50,337 So much beauty. 423 00:19:55,544 --> 00:19:57,522 Well, Brian, I'm sorry that Jess died 424 00:19:57,546 --> 00:19:58,826 during the commercial break, 425 00:19:58,881 --> 00:20:01,248 but it was a very nice funeral service. 426 00:20:01,317 --> 00:20:03,234 Yeah, it's sad. 427 00:20:03,302 --> 00:20:06,436 She was the love of my life, my heart, my... 428 00:20:06,505 --> 00:20:07,532 Hoo-ah! 429 00:20:07,556 --> 00:20:10,590 I took that from her apartment. 430 00:20:10,660 --> 00:20:13,093 So, Chris, I hear you been doing some vaping. 431 00:20:13,162 --> 00:20:14,528 So douchey. 432 00:20:14,596 --> 00:20:16,229 Mom, you told him? 433 00:20:16,298 --> 00:20:17,298 We had a deal. 434 00:20:17,366 --> 00:20:18,498 Thanks a lot, Peter. 435 00:20:18,567 --> 00:20:20,267 You promised you wouldn't say anything. 436 00:20:20,335 --> 00:20:21,947 Oh, I'm supposed to keep your secret 437 00:20:21,971 --> 00:20:23,949 after you lied to me about sneaking cigarettes? 438 00:20:23,973 --> 00:20:26,406 What the hell, Chris? You told him, too? 439 00:20:26,475 --> 00:20:28,553 No, I didn't. Brian told me. 440 00:20:28,577 --> 00:20:31,011 Are you serious, Peter? You said you wouldn't say anything. 441 00:20:31,080 --> 00:20:32,612 I promised Meg I wouldn't tell anyone. 442 00:20:32,682 --> 00:20:34,782 Oh, good job with that, dick. 443 00:20:34,850 --> 00:20:36,616 Chris, the only reason I told him 444 00:20:36,686 --> 00:20:38,351 was he promised he'd keep his mouth shut. 445 00:20:38,420 --> 00:20:39,920 Oh, nice job, Chris. 446 00:20:39,989 --> 00:20:41,366 I should've known not to trust someone 447 00:20:41,390 --> 00:20:42,790 who kisses his own brother. 448 00:20:42,858 --> 00:20:44,692 What? Wh-Who told you that? 449 00:20:44,760 --> 00:20:46,738 Don't look at me. Meg told me. 450 00:20:46,762 --> 00:20:49,697 How does it feel, Meg, you friggin' town crier? 451 00:20:49,765 --> 00:20:51,876 - You're such a bitch. - She's a bitch? 452 00:20:51,900 --> 00:20:54,020 Meg, you said you wouldn't tell Stewie's secret. 453 00:20:54,069 --> 00:20:55,514 Stewie, you told Dad? 454 00:20:55,538 --> 00:20:57,015 I had to get it off my chest. 455 00:20:57,039 --> 00:20:58,350 I didn't think he'd understand me. 456 00:20:58,374 --> 00:21:00,894 I understand pieces now and then. 33511

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