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♪ It seems today
that all you see ♪
2
00:00:04,805 --> 00:00:08,173
♪ Is violence in movies
and sex on TV ♪
3
00:00:08,242 --> 00:00:11,776
♪ But where are those
good old-fashioned values ♪
4
00:00:11,845 --> 00:00:14,846
♪ On which we used to rely? ♪
5
00:00:14,915 --> 00:00:18,283
♪ Lucky there's a family guy ♪
6
00:00:18,352 --> 00:00:21,503
♪ Lucky there's a man
who positively can do ♪
7
00:00:21,571 --> 00:00:23,166
♪ All the thingsthat make us ♪
8
00:00:23,190 --> 00:00:24,956
♪ Laugh and cry ♪
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00:00:25,026 --> 00:00:30,062
♪ He's... a...
Fam... ily... Guy! ♪
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00:00:36,570 --> 00:00:38,998
- You guys know what this
meeting's about?
- No idea.
11
00:00:39,022 --> 00:00:40,700
How about you,
Morning Breath Mike?
12
00:00:40,724 --> 00:00:43,041
I have no idea.
13
00:00:43,110 --> 00:00:44,325
Listen up, everyone.
14
00:00:44,394 --> 00:00:46,072
Sales are down across the board,
15
00:00:46,096 --> 00:00:47,907
but mostly we're
failing to connect
16
00:00:47,931 --> 00:00:49,931
with a group called
"millennials."
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00:00:49,966 --> 00:00:52,150
I saw this guy cry one time.
18
00:00:52,219 --> 00:00:54,379
To learn more
about our target demographic,
19
00:00:54,421 --> 00:00:57,155
we're all gonna watch
this instructional video.
20
00:01:02,162 --> 00:01:03,739
A millennial can be defined
21
00:01:03,763 --> 00:01:07,149
as anyone born
between 1982 and 2000.
22
00:01:07,218 --> 00:01:10,869
Or anyone who thinks loving
sriracha or Austin, Texas,
23
00:01:10,937 --> 00:01:12,704
counts as a personality.
24
00:01:12,773 --> 00:01:14,618
Millennials crave things like:
25
00:01:14,642 --> 00:01:16,141
instant gratification,
26
00:01:16,193 --> 00:01:17,943
authentic experiences,
27
00:01:18,011 --> 00:01:20,072
and, for some reason
we haven't figured out yet,
28
00:01:20,096 --> 00:01:21,530
improv comedy.
29
00:01:21,615 --> 00:01:24,015
Here's one millennial
who has a parakeet
30
00:01:24,085 --> 00:01:26,801
with nine million followers
on Snapchat.
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00:01:26,871 --> 00:01:29,071
Here's another
who singlehandedly started
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00:01:29,139 --> 00:01:32,374
the hashtags that cancelled
12 network TV shows
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00:01:32,442 --> 00:01:33,976
she found offensive.
34
00:01:34,044 --> 00:01:36,879
And now I'm told
she identifies as a man,
35
00:01:36,947 --> 00:01:38,646
so I'm being fired.
36
00:01:38,715 --> 00:01:40,610
Hello. I'm your
new announcer.
37
00:01:40,634 --> 00:01:42,674
And actually,
he was just about done.
38
00:01:42,703 --> 00:01:45,336
Thank you and good day.
39
00:01:45,405 --> 00:01:48,645
So please welcome someone
who's gonna help us
reach millennials,
40
00:01:48,675 --> 00:01:51,009
our new head
of social media, Hammer.
41
00:01:52,780 --> 00:01:54,980
Oh. He just
group-texted us "hello."
42
00:01:55,048 --> 00:01:56,726
And now here comes a text
43
00:01:56,750 --> 00:01:58,895
from the guy who doesn't know
this is a group text.
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00:01:58,919 --> 00:02:01,486
"Nice to meet you, Hammer.
Let's have lunch later,
45
00:02:01,554 --> 00:02:03,155
and I'll tell you who's gay."
46
00:02:03,223 --> 00:02:05,406
Right on. 'Sup? I'm Hammer.
47
00:02:05,475 --> 00:02:08,110
Uh, first I'd like to
not thank you for hiring me,
48
00:02:08,178 --> 00:02:10,356
because I just expect
good things to happen to me
49
00:02:10,380 --> 00:02:11,980
without working for them.
50
00:02:12,049 --> 00:02:14,661
Second, I'd like
to give you all a list
of my trigger warnings.
51
00:02:14,685 --> 00:02:16,117
What's a trigger warning?
52
00:02:16,186 --> 00:02:18,653
Actually, brah, asking me
what a trigger warning is
53
00:02:18,722 --> 00:02:20,054
is one of my triggers, brah.
54
00:02:20,123 --> 00:02:21,456
I feel traumatized, brah.
55
00:02:21,525 --> 00:02:23,169
And now I'm tweeting
about you, brah.
56
00:02:23,193 --> 00:02:24,693
And now you're trending, brah.
57
00:02:24,761 --> 00:02:26,306
And now your life
is ruined, brah.
58
00:02:26,330 --> 00:02:27,796
And now you're fired, brah.
59
00:02:29,099 --> 00:02:30,799
What... what happened to Brah?
60
00:02:30,867 --> 00:02:34,002
Also, the lack of diversity
here is horrifying, brah.
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00:02:34,071 --> 00:02:35,453
Uh, Brah is gone.
62
00:02:35,523 --> 00:02:37,990
Now, if we want to get
some social media attention,
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00:02:38,058 --> 00:02:39,719
we got to start
with a group selfie.
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00:02:39,743 --> 00:02:43,028
Um, excuse me.
Didn't Ellen do this, like,
three years ago?
65
00:02:43,096 --> 00:02:45,763
Hey, does Taye Diggs
follow you on Twitter?
66
00:02:45,832 --> 00:02:48,116
No, but Kraft Singles does.
67
00:02:48,202 --> 00:02:49,434
That's what I thought.
68
00:02:51,672 --> 00:02:53,238
And... posted.
69
00:02:53,307 --> 00:02:55,907
Do you know what I just did?
I just made you all viral.
70
00:02:55,976 --> 00:02:59,311
Also, my band
is playing tonight
at an inconvenient time.
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00:02:59,380 --> 00:03:02,359
It's six un-showered guys
and a pale woman
with a ukulele
72
00:03:02,383 --> 00:03:03,848
shouting "Hey!" in unison.
73
00:03:03,917 --> 00:03:06,034
Because that's
what music is now.
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00:03:06,103 --> 00:03:08,436
♪ ♪
75
00:03:08,505 --> 00:03:09,537
♪ Hey! ♪
76
00:03:11,374 --> 00:03:12,640
♪ Hey! ♪
77
00:03:12,709 --> 00:03:15,010
What is this?
They just keep saying "hey."
78
00:03:15,079 --> 00:03:17,179
I know.
It's my favorite song.
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00:03:20,634 --> 00:03:22,934
Oh, 'cause "hay" is for horses.
80
00:03:27,591 --> 00:03:29,469
Hey, guys. You want to
have a smoke break?
81
00:03:29,493 --> 00:03:31,559
What? We can't smoke inside.
82
00:03:31,629 --> 00:03:33,662
It's not smoking, Peter.
It's vaping.
83
00:03:33,731 --> 00:03:35,998
Everyone's doing it...
Even Darth Vaper.
84
00:03:38,335 --> 00:03:41,169
I find
your lack of vape disturbing.
85
00:03:41,238 --> 00:03:43,158
Come on, Peter, give it a shot.
86
00:03:54,117 --> 00:03:55,795
What happened?
All of a sudden
87
00:03:55,819 --> 00:03:58,019
I feel like I know better
than everyone else!
88
00:03:58,054 --> 00:04:00,366
That's because anytime
someone walks through a cloud
89
00:04:00,390 --> 00:04:02,456
of vape smoke,
a millennial is born.
90
00:04:02,525 --> 00:04:04,109
I think I feel it!
91
00:04:04,178 --> 00:04:06,344
Broad City is so funny.
92
00:04:06,413 --> 00:04:08,580
No, Broad City is genius.
93
00:04:08,648 --> 00:04:11,649
No, no.
Broad City is everything!
94
00:04:11,718 --> 00:04:13,851
There it is.
Grossly exaggerating
95
00:04:13,920 --> 00:04:16,521
the quality
of a just-okay TV show.
96
00:04:16,590 --> 00:04:19,190
Peter, you're
officially a millennial.
97
00:04:19,260 --> 00:04:21,760
Hey, you want a ride
in the Millennial Falcon?
98
00:04:21,828 --> 00:04:23,948
Ah, look at that...
We found another one!
99
00:04:28,001 --> 00:04:30,569
Peter, a rite of passage
for any millennial
100
00:04:30,637 --> 00:04:32,069
is attending Coachella.
101
00:04:32,139 --> 00:04:33,750
It's a great place to see bands
102
00:04:33,774 --> 00:04:35,652
that are either really new
or really old.
103
00:04:35,676 --> 00:04:37,996
- Which one should we see?
- Well, on the main stage,
104
00:04:38,045 --> 00:04:40,924
it's Tame Impala that
formed in an UberPOOL
on the way here.
105
00:04:40,948 --> 00:04:43,214
And on the side stage,
it's "Neil Young asleep
106
00:04:43,283 --> 00:04:44,632
in front of the television."
107
00:04:47,837 --> 00:04:51,122
I always get him confused with
Bloom County's Bill the Cat.
108
00:04:56,947 --> 00:04:58,858
Peter, you're doing great
as a millennial.
109
00:04:58,882 --> 00:05:01,516
Next thing is you got to learn
how to be on Fleek.
110
00:05:01,585 --> 00:05:04,902
"On fleek"?
People still say "on fleek"?
111
00:05:04,971 --> 00:05:06,549
No, Peter,
that's not what I meant.
112
00:05:06,573 --> 00:05:08,122
I want you on Fleek.
113
00:05:08,191 --> 00:05:09,591
This is Fleek.
114
00:05:09,659 --> 00:05:11,009
Oh, can I ride him?!
115
00:05:11,077 --> 00:05:12,860
Sure, Peter. Get on Fleek.
116
00:05:12,929 --> 00:05:15,613
♪ ♪
117
00:05:16,850 --> 00:05:18,216
Yay!
118
00:05:19,402 --> 00:05:21,035
♪ ♪
119
00:05:25,209 --> 00:05:27,509
Our country's involved
in six different wars,
120
00:05:27,578 --> 00:05:29,658
but millennials think
about this stuff.
121
00:05:33,500 --> 00:05:35,540
Remember, Peter,
never walk anywhere
122
00:05:35,568 --> 00:05:37,688
when you can ride
something weird instead.
123
00:05:37,738 --> 00:05:40,055
What's that?
Sorry, I was taking a selfie
124
00:05:40,124 --> 00:05:42,736
while shooting
a Snapchat while
Periscoping that Snapchat
125
00:05:42,760 --> 00:05:45,393
while Instagramming latte art
while Shazaming The Weekend
126
00:05:45,462 --> 00:05:48,696
while streaming
Master of None
while retweeting George Takei
127
00:05:48,766 --> 00:05:50,643
while saying,
"This wins the Internet!"
128
00:05:50,667 --> 00:05:53,168
while still being #soooo bored.
129
00:05:54,171 --> 00:05:55,570
Hammer?
130
00:05:55,639 --> 00:05:59,074
Hammer? Come on, man, don't
make me look up from my phone.
131
00:05:59,143 --> 00:06:01,103
Oh, you're texting me.
132
00:06:15,558 --> 00:06:16,875
Oh, no! Hammer!
133
00:06:18,245 --> 00:06:19,544
You! Call 911!
134
00:06:19,613 --> 00:06:21,357
You! Give me your shirt
to make a tourniquet!
135
00:06:21,381 --> 00:06:24,149
You! Snap a pic.
Clarendon filter. Clarendon!
136
00:06:24,218 --> 00:06:25,500
Hammer, stay with me, buddy.
137
00:06:25,586 --> 00:06:28,053
Peter, if I die,
138
00:06:28,121 --> 00:06:32,106
chop my body up
and serve me as street tacos.
139
00:06:34,678 --> 00:06:36,611
So selfless.
140
00:06:36,680 --> 00:06:39,897
No! I won't let you
be made into tacos!
141
00:06:39,966 --> 00:06:42,817
Peter... it's-it's too late.
142
00:06:42,886 --> 00:06:46,488
Listen, I've got this idea
for a business, and...
143
00:06:46,556 --> 00:06:48,189
I want you to have it.
144
00:06:48,257 --> 00:06:50,191
It's artisanal.
145
00:06:50,259 --> 00:06:52,193
A-Artisanal...
146
00:06:53,379 --> 00:06:55,614
Artisanal what?
Is it pretzels?
147
00:06:55,682 --> 00:06:57,181
Is it artisanal pretzels?!
148
00:06:57,250 --> 00:06:58,683
Has that been done?
149
00:06:58,752 --> 00:07:01,720
Does anyone know if
artisanal pretzels is a thing?
150
00:07:01,789 --> 00:07:05,006
It seems so obvious,
yet I don't think
I've ever seen them.
151
00:07:05,075 --> 00:07:07,092
I better do millennial CPR.
152
00:07:07,160 --> 00:07:08,660
One... ugh, whatever...
153
00:07:08,729 --> 00:07:10,095
Two... ugh, whatever...
154
00:07:10,163 --> 00:07:12,831
Three... ugh, I'm gonna let
my parents take care of this.
155
00:07:21,174 --> 00:07:23,374
I've never been
to a millennial funeral.
156
00:07:23,443 --> 00:07:26,527
Yeah, it seems in poor taste
that they hired Keyboard Cat.
157
00:07:32,736 --> 00:07:34,469
Assembled congregants,
158
00:07:34,537 --> 00:07:36,154
no worries to you.
159
00:07:36,222 --> 00:07:37,933
And also to you.
160
00:07:37,957 --> 00:07:39,457
Let us tweet.
161
00:07:41,461 --> 00:07:43,339
Peter, why is he naked in there?
162
00:07:43,363 --> 00:07:45,830
It's an environmental statement.
163
00:07:45,899 --> 00:07:48,466
Lois, please stop looking
at my dead friend's dong.
164
00:07:48,535 --> 00:07:50,668
Listen, I made breakfast
and drove,
165
00:07:50,737 --> 00:07:53,404
so if there's a dead dong,
I'm gonna look at it!
166
00:07:54,975 --> 00:07:58,793
We've all lost
a great friend-slash-barista-
167
00:07:58,862 --> 00:08:00,261
slash-deejay-
168
00:08:00,329 --> 00:08:02,764
slash-Genius Bar employee-
169
00:08:02,832 --> 00:08:05,132
slash-person
with a yellow highlighter
170
00:08:05,201 --> 00:08:07,035
at the Best Buy exit.
171
00:08:07,103 --> 00:08:10,438
And now a reading
from the book of JustJared.
172
00:08:10,506 --> 00:08:13,541
"Death be the ultimate fail."
173
00:08:13,610 --> 00:08:15,543
Peter, I hate to do this here,
174
00:08:15,612 --> 00:08:17,322
but you were good friends
with Hammer,
175
00:08:17,346 --> 00:08:19,647
and business at the brewery
must go on.
176
00:08:19,716 --> 00:08:21,282
That's why, as of today,
177
00:08:21,350 --> 00:08:23,390
I'm making you
head of social media.
178
00:08:23,453 --> 00:08:25,497
Hey, whatever you want.
I'm a team player.
179
00:08:25,521 --> 00:08:28,105
I was even one of the 300.
180
00:08:29,242 --> 00:08:31,008
Hey, does 299 work?
181
00:08:31,077 --> 00:08:33,694
'Cause I got to go diarrhea
off the cliff.
182
00:08:37,483 --> 00:08:40,969
We now returnto Marvel's The Offenders.
183
00:08:41,054 --> 00:08:43,238
Good morning, you see.
184
00:08:43,307 --> 00:08:45,790
I gathered you all together...
Kevin Spacey,
185
00:08:45,858 --> 00:08:47,292
Roman Polanski...
186
00:08:47,360 --> 00:08:48,721
hey, hey, hey...
187
00:08:48,745 --> 00:08:50,911
Woody Allen, Steven Seagal,
188
00:08:50,980 --> 00:08:53,781
Matt Lauer with the Pudding Pop,
189
00:08:53,850 --> 00:08:55,016
Brett Ratner,
190
00:08:55,085 --> 00:08:58,536
and you, lesser-known offender
James Toback.
191
00:08:58,605 --> 00:09:00,483
Don't forget me!
192
00:09:01,642 --> 00:09:03,508
Harvey shower!
193
00:09:03,577 --> 00:09:05,688
I-I...
I-Is Matt Damon coming?
194
00:09:05,712 --> 00:09:07,779
No, but he knows
about all of us.
195
00:09:07,848 --> 00:09:12,100
He's very aware of what's
going on here, you see.
196
00:09:12,168 --> 00:09:14,546
All right, guys, I got
to come up with
some social media ideas
197
00:09:14,570 --> 00:09:15,814
for the brewery.
What do ya got?
198
00:09:15,838 --> 00:09:18,272
Oh, you want viral?
You asked the right guy.
199
00:09:18,341 --> 00:09:20,375
You remember Leeroy Jenkins?
200
00:09:20,443 --> 00:09:21,920
- Yeah.
- Right.
201
00:09:21,944 --> 00:09:24,344
- What do you mean, "right"?
- You know, Leeroy Jenkins.
202
00:09:24,381 --> 00:09:26,125
- What about him?
- Do that.
203
00:09:26,149 --> 00:09:28,060
Joe, you can't...
That already happened.
204
00:09:28,084 --> 00:09:30,318
Do it again.
This time with beer.
205
00:09:30,387 --> 00:09:31,486
Hang on a sec.
206
00:09:39,679 --> 00:09:42,408
- Thank you.
- How about
some fruit in the beer?
207
00:09:42,432 --> 00:09:45,066
No, guys, we need
social media-specific plans
208
00:09:45,134 --> 00:09:46,401
to reach a younger audience.
209
00:09:46,469 --> 00:09:48,589
You remember
"Charlie Bit My Finger"?
210
00:09:49,673 --> 00:09:50,805
Do that.
211
00:09:50,873 --> 00:09:52,751
You know what? I give up.
We've given this...
212
00:09:52,775 --> 00:09:53,908
what, almost a minute?
213
00:09:53,976 --> 00:09:55,621
Peter, that's the problem
with kids today...
214
00:09:55,645 --> 00:09:57,078
They have no attention span.
215
00:09:57,146 --> 00:09:58,613
Wait. That's it!
216
00:09:58,682 --> 00:10:01,482
We'll do a show for people
with no attention span.
217
00:10:01,551 --> 00:10:04,118
We'll call it
The Six Second Talk Show.
218
00:10:04,187 --> 00:10:06,487
Well, I guess that could work.
But it's just so sad
219
00:10:06,556 --> 00:10:07,933
that young people
can't pay attention
220
00:10:07,957 --> 00:10:09,957
to something longer
than six sec...
221
00:10:11,278 --> 00:10:13,678
Oh, oh, my God.
222
00:10:13,746 --> 00:10:14,957
JOE and PETER and CLEVELAND:
Whoa!
223
00:10:14,981 --> 00:10:16,759
What the hell, you guys?
I was talking.
224
00:10:16,783 --> 00:10:19,128
You know, there's more
to life than just what's
on your phone.
225
00:10:19,152 --> 00:10:20,485
Wrong, idiot.
226
00:10:23,773 --> 00:10:25,893
Anyone know how
to turn these things off?
227
00:10:30,513 --> 00:10:32,191
All right, Six Second Talk Show
228
00:10:32,215 --> 00:10:34,232
in three, two...
229
00:10:34,301 --> 00:10:36,646
I'm Peter Griffin, and this is
the Six Second Talk Show.
230
00:10:36,670 --> 00:10:38,269
My guest tonight is Joe Biden.
231
00:10:38,338 --> 00:10:40,532
And that's all the time
we have. Thanks
for watching. Good night.
232
00:10:40,556 --> 00:10:42,596
- How was that?
- Eh, it kind of dragged.
233
00:10:43,693 --> 00:10:44,959
Well, Congress is at it again.
234
00:10:45,028 --> 00:10:46,076
Good night.
235
00:10:48,532 --> 00:10:50,443
It's The Six Second Talk Show,
236
00:10:50,467 --> 00:10:54,318
and now, your host, here...
237
00:10:56,907 --> 00:10:58,651
Welcome to
The Six Second Talk Show.
238
00:10:58,675 --> 00:11:01,835
I'm Peter Griffin,
and now our musical guest,
Barenaked Ladies.
239
00:11:01,878 --> 00:11:03,622
- ♪ It's been... ♪
- I'd like
to thank our musical guest,
240
00:11:03,646 --> 00:11:04,886
Barenaked Ladies. Good night.
241
00:11:08,134 --> 00:11:09,912
Peter, I can't believe
your talk show
242
00:11:09,936 --> 00:11:11,936
is such a huge hit
for the brewery.
243
00:11:12,005 --> 00:11:15,339
And thanks to that, I'm now
a huge social media star.
244
00:11:17,744 --> 00:11:19,704
Oh, my God,
what the hell is that?
245
00:11:19,729 --> 00:11:21,095
Hello, Griffin family.
246
00:11:21,164 --> 00:11:23,697
I'm coming to you live,
via living room hologram.
247
00:11:23,767 --> 00:11:26,167
I'm Parker Stanton, CEO of Boop,
248
00:11:26,236 --> 00:11:28,719
the most powerful company
in Silicon Valley.
249
00:11:28,788 --> 00:11:30,650
- Do you know Mr. Skin?
- Do you know Mr. Skin?
250
00:11:30,674 --> 00:11:31,850
- Ah!
- Ah!
251
00:11:31,874 --> 00:11:33,286
- We'll talk later.
- We'll talk later.
252
00:11:33,310 --> 00:11:35,020
Look, Peter, the reason I'm here
253
00:11:35,044 --> 00:11:36,855
is because
of your Six Second Talk Show.
254
00:11:36,879 --> 00:11:38,391
Now, I haven't had
the time to watch it,
255
00:11:38,415 --> 00:11:40,782
but I hear it's the buzz
of Silicon Valley.
256
00:11:40,850 --> 00:11:43,418
I want you and your family
to visit us here as my guests,
257
00:11:43,486 --> 00:11:45,631
so I can find out
what the next big thing is.
258
00:11:45,655 --> 00:11:47,154
Oh, I-I got lots of ideas.
259
00:11:47,223 --> 00:11:50,057
I've been working on something
called "Look At It, Kick It."
260
00:11:52,529 --> 00:11:54,249
Look at it...
261
00:11:54,281 --> 00:11:55,824
Excuse me, can I help you?
262
00:11:55,848 --> 00:11:57,343
Kick it!
263
00:11:57,367 --> 00:11:59,117
Pure genius.
264
00:11:59,185 --> 00:12:00,651
See you in Silicon Valley.
265
00:12:01,721 --> 00:12:03,354
Oh, this is exciting.
266
00:12:03,423 --> 00:12:04,588
A family trip.
267
00:12:04,657 --> 00:12:06,090
Yeah, I love traveling.
268
00:12:06,159 --> 00:12:08,204
Oh, except that trip
to Europe where we spent
most of our time
269
00:12:08,228 --> 00:12:10,128
trying to refold our map.
270
00:12:10,197 --> 00:12:12,663
All right, the museum
is that way,
271
00:12:12,733 --> 00:12:14,432
so let's fold the map and go.
272
00:12:18,638 --> 00:12:21,139
Okay, couple more folds...
273
00:12:21,208 --> 00:12:22,573
Nope, okay, wrong end.
274
00:12:22,642 --> 00:12:24,075
Now, let's see...
275
00:12:24,144 --> 00:12:25,576
Nope, nope, that's wrong...
276
00:12:25,645 --> 00:12:26,845
Find the corners.
277
00:12:26,913 --> 00:12:28,146
It's not a puzzle, Chris.
278
00:12:28,215 --> 00:12:29,826
Y-You got to fold
on the creases.
279
00:12:29,850 --> 00:12:31,127
I'd be able to find the creases
280
00:12:31,151 --> 00:12:33,196
if somebody had folded it
correctly last time.
281
00:12:33,220 --> 00:12:34,853
I did fold it correctly.
282
00:12:34,921 --> 00:12:36,999
Nope, you didn't, and then
you jammed it into a backpack
283
00:12:37,023 --> 00:12:38,067
and now I'm in this mess.
284
00:12:38,091 --> 00:12:39,736
Don't blame me, you ripped it up
285
00:12:39,760 --> 00:12:42,004
when you were tearing through
the backpack for your snacks.
286
00:12:42,028 --> 00:12:44,273
Okay, this is why I wanted
to bring a globe, all right?
287
00:12:44,297 --> 00:12:45,875
You don't have to fold a globe.
288
00:12:45,899 --> 00:12:48,816
Who the hell would bring
a globe on vacation?
289
00:12:48,885 --> 00:12:50,418
See, Bon? We're eating food,
290
00:12:50,487 --> 00:12:52,687
and they're tearing
each other apart.
291
00:12:52,756 --> 00:12:55,122
Where to next, mon chéri?
292
00:13:00,497 --> 00:13:02,162
Welcome to Boop.
293
00:13:02,231 --> 00:13:04,766
As our name suggests,
our mainframe connects to
294
00:13:04,834 --> 00:13:08,102
and powers virtually
every server on the globe.
295
00:13:08,170 --> 00:13:10,805
Without Boop,
there is no Internet.
296
00:13:10,874 --> 00:13:12,473
Hey, Parker. Are we still on
297
00:13:12,542 --> 00:13:14,876
for the Samsung Galaxy Note
meeting after lunch?
298
00:13:14,944 --> 00:13:16,722
Yep. Are-are
the test results in?
299
00:13:16,746 --> 00:13:17,945
Yeah, but...
300
00:13:18,014 --> 00:13:19,825
let's save it for the meeting.
301
00:13:19,849 --> 00:13:21,215
Where's your nearest bathroom?
302
00:13:21,284 --> 00:13:22,350
Gender-fluid?
303
00:13:22,418 --> 00:13:24,338
Yes, there will be
a lot of that.
304
00:13:26,606 --> 00:13:29,740
Hmm, must be one of them
high-tech Japanese toilets.
305
00:13:31,143 --> 00:13:35,112
♪ I'm gonna pee
into electrical urinal ♪
306
00:13:35,181 --> 00:13:37,348
♪ And make the sparks
go higher. ♪
307
00:13:37,416 --> 00:13:39,233
I'm having so much fun.
308
00:13:42,222 --> 00:13:44,022
What the hell is going on?
309
00:13:44,090 --> 00:13:46,035
Our mainframe
is having a meltdown!
310
00:13:46,059 --> 00:13:47,225
Hang on, let me flush.
311
00:13:49,429 --> 00:13:50,495
You idiot.
312
00:13:50,563 --> 00:13:52,530
You shut down
the entire Internet.
313
00:13:52,598 --> 00:13:53,931
How could you do that?
314
00:13:54,000 --> 00:13:55,944
This is the most irresponsible
thing that I've ever...
315
00:13:55,968 --> 00:13:57,846
Although I was
incensed by this man,
316
00:13:57,870 --> 00:14:00,971
I had to admire his courage
for leaving his penis out
317
00:14:01,041 --> 00:14:03,107
the entire time
I was yelling at him.
318
00:14:03,176 --> 00:14:05,510
As a man who struggles
with body dysmorphia,
319
00:14:05,578 --> 00:14:07,423
I couldn't help but be impressed
320
00:14:07,447 --> 00:14:09,447
by that kind of self-confidence.
321
00:14:09,516 --> 00:14:12,216
As I stood there,
being berated by this man,
322
00:14:12,285 --> 00:14:15,186
I couldn't help but notice
his searching gaze.
323
00:14:15,255 --> 00:14:17,266
Years later, we would
bump into each other
324
00:14:17,290 --> 00:14:20,558
at a small cafe in Rome and
reminisce about this moment.
325
00:14:20,626 --> 00:14:23,794
And later still, recreate it
in a small bed and breakfast
326
00:14:23,863 --> 00:14:25,841
at the bottom
of the Spanish Steps.
327
00:14:25,865 --> 00:14:27,998
But that's a story
for another time.
328
00:14:28,068 --> 00:14:31,752
Or, as they say
in Italian, molto homo.
329
00:14:38,712 --> 00:14:40,289
Peter, you've done
some stupid things,
330
00:14:40,313 --> 00:14:42,847
but crashing the Internet
has to be the dumbest yet.
331
00:14:42,916 --> 00:14:45,533
Look at the chaos you've caused.
332
00:14:48,088 --> 00:14:50,737
I have no idea
how to drive without texting.
333
00:14:53,059 --> 00:14:55,226
Why can't I post this video?
334
00:14:55,295 --> 00:14:57,128
- Hello.
- What did you say?
335
00:14:57,196 --> 00:14:59,375
Why aren't you looking
at your phone, you psycho?
336
00:14:59,399 --> 00:15:01,165
Why is no one liking my posts?
337
00:15:01,234 --> 00:15:02,634
Well, I hate all your posts!
338
00:15:02,702 --> 00:15:03,702
Hello.
339
00:15:12,044 --> 00:15:13,061
Hello.
340
00:15:14,397 --> 00:15:15,563
Peter, Lois is right.
341
00:15:15,631 --> 00:15:17,030
This mess is all your fault.
342
00:15:17,099 --> 00:15:18,499
Settle down, Brian.
343
00:15:18,568 --> 00:15:20,512
I'm sure life
will be just fine
without the Internet.
344
00:15:20,536 --> 00:15:23,037
Maybe we can even go see
that Amish comedian.
345
00:15:23,105 --> 00:15:24,838
Sir, where are you from?
346
00:15:24,907 --> 00:15:25,951
Chicago.
347
00:15:25,975 --> 00:15:27,542
I have never been to Chicago.
348
00:15:27,610 --> 00:15:28,776
How about you, sir?
349
00:15:28,844 --> 00:15:29,888
Boston!
350
00:15:29,912 --> 00:15:31,612
I have never been to Boston.
351
00:15:31,681 --> 00:15:35,183
Anyone here
from the back fields
of Pennsylvania, Ohio
352
00:15:35,251 --> 00:15:36,417
or upstate New York?
353
00:15:36,486 --> 00:15:37,630
No!
354
00:15:37,654 --> 00:15:40,254
Then I have been Jebediah,
son of Abner.
355
00:15:42,324 --> 00:15:44,370
How are we gonna get back
to the airport?
356
00:15:44,394 --> 00:15:46,672
There's no Internet,
which means there's no GPS,
357
00:15:46,696 --> 00:15:48,028
which means we can't use Uber.
358
00:15:48,097 --> 00:15:49,530
Okay, I have a crazy idea.
359
00:15:49,599 --> 00:15:50,599
Let's get a cab.
360
00:15:50,666 --> 00:15:51,949
There's a taxi stand.
361
00:15:53,636 --> 00:15:54,969
Dead.
362
00:15:55,038 --> 00:15:56,170
Dead...
363
00:15:56,238 --> 00:15:57,572
Dead.
364
00:15:57,640 --> 00:15:58,706
Barely alive.
365
00:15:58,775 --> 00:15:59,790
To the airport.
366
00:16:02,629 --> 00:16:04,995
Now, because you can't stare
at your phone anymore,
367
00:16:05,064 --> 00:16:08,566
enjoy a disturbingly loud clip
of Jimmy Fallon on cab TV.
368
00:16:08,635 --> 00:16:11,235
Tonight, get ready to lose
all respect for Al Pacino
369
00:16:11,304 --> 00:16:13,882
when I force himto play a gamemeant for children!
370
00:16:13,906 --> 00:16:15,039
This.
371
00:16:15,107 --> 00:16:16,574
This is why Uber.
372
00:16:21,281 --> 00:16:24,148
No Netflix,
no Hulu, no Amazon...
373
00:16:24,217 --> 00:16:25,850
I'm so bored.
374
00:16:25,919 --> 00:16:27,763
Come on, Meg,
you're overreacting.
375
00:16:27,787 --> 00:16:29,353
We still got network TV.
376
00:16:29,422 --> 00:16:32,957
- We now return to
- Kevin Can Wait on CBS.
377
00:16:33,026 --> 00:16:34,325
Well, that's not gonna work.
378
00:16:34,393 --> 00:16:35,893
Okay, everybody, don't panic.
379
00:16:35,962 --> 00:16:38,140
We'll just do what people did
before the Internet.
380
00:16:38,164 --> 00:16:39,263
We can play charades.
381
00:16:39,332 --> 00:16:41,243
Oh, you mean like your marriage?
382
00:16:41,267 --> 00:16:43,301
Chris, I told you that
in confidence.
383
00:16:43,369 --> 00:16:44,609
Dad, you got to do something.
384
00:16:44,637 --> 00:16:46,481
Nobody can live
without the Internet.
385
00:16:46,505 --> 00:16:48,505
Ah, you're right. This sucks.
386
00:16:48,574 --> 00:16:49,885
It's even worse
than when I was roommates
387
00:16:49,909 --> 00:16:51,358
with Oscar Pistorius.
388
00:16:51,427 --> 00:16:53,204
Somebody's in here.
389
00:16:53,228 --> 00:16:55,763
Somebody's in here!
390
00:16:55,832 --> 00:16:57,660
I'm the one who screwed this up.
391
00:16:57,684 --> 00:16:59,384
I'll be the one to fix it.
392
00:16:59,452 --> 00:17:01,118
I'll be the Internet.
393
00:17:01,187 --> 00:17:02,520
What are you talking about?
394
00:17:02,589 --> 00:17:04,900
We can do all the things
we loved about the Internet.
395
00:17:04,924 --> 00:17:06,836
We just got to do it
without technology.
396
00:17:06,860 --> 00:17:08,771
From now on, if you
want to tweet something,
397
00:17:08,795 --> 00:17:10,373
you do it the old-fashioned way:
398
00:17:10,397 --> 00:17:11,637
write it on a piece of paper,
399
00:17:11,664 --> 00:17:14,265
staple it to a bird,
and throw it out the door.
400
00:17:18,905 --> 00:17:20,916
Hey, do you follow
Peter Griffin on Twitter?
401
00:17:20,940 --> 00:17:22,440
No. Why? Is he funny?
402
00:17:22,509 --> 00:17:24,520
No, he just throws dead birds
on his lawn.
403
00:17:24,544 --> 00:17:25,660
It's awesome.
404
00:17:29,582 --> 00:17:31,493
Great news, Chris.
I figured out
405
00:17:31,517 --> 00:17:33,695
how to recreate the best part
of the Internet.
406
00:17:33,719 --> 00:17:35,697
I've got pictures
of five celebrities
407
00:17:35,721 --> 00:17:37,732
who you'd never believe
used to be fat.
408
00:17:37,756 --> 00:17:39,990
- Great, let's see 'em.
- Sure, buddy.
409
00:17:40,059 --> 00:17:42,826
But first you have to watch
this unwelcome pop-up ad.
410
00:17:43,896 --> 00:17:45,662
I don't want probiotics.
411
00:17:45,731 --> 00:17:47,176
Then press the "skip ad" button.
412
00:17:47,200 --> 00:17:49,100
Why should I do all this work?
413
00:17:49,168 --> 00:17:50,946
They're really good pictures,
Chris.
414
00:17:50,970 --> 00:17:52,736
Number three will shock you.
415
00:17:52,805 --> 00:17:54,138
Okay, I'll press it.
416
00:17:54,207 --> 00:17:56,151
Oh, no! You pressed
in the wrong place,
417
00:17:56,175 --> 00:17:58,476
and now you're being sent
to the ad's website,
418
00:17:58,544 --> 00:18:00,255
which also has
additional pop-ups.
419
00:18:00,279 --> 00:18:01,945
This is a nightmare!
420
00:18:02,014 --> 00:18:03,314
Just tell me one of 'em.
421
00:18:03,382 --> 00:18:04,448
Kenan Thompson.
422
00:18:04,517 --> 00:18:06,016
That's not a surprise!
423
00:18:09,355 --> 00:18:10,721
Peter? What are you doing?
424
00:18:10,790 --> 00:18:12,723
Oh, I'm your Waze app today.
425
00:18:12,792 --> 00:18:14,402
- You on your way to work?
- Yeah, I am.
426
00:18:14,426 --> 00:18:16,660
All right, you will be there
in six minutes.
427
00:18:16,729 --> 00:18:17,929
Just start heading straight.
428
00:18:17,964 --> 00:18:19,012
Okay, sounds good.
429
00:18:21,101 --> 00:18:23,261
- So, how's everything at...
- Take a right! Right now!
430
00:18:24,903 --> 00:18:26,404
Geez, okay, calm down.
431
00:18:26,472 --> 00:18:27,972
Left! Take a left immediately!
432
00:18:33,012 --> 00:18:34,323
Would you like to upgrade
433
00:18:34,347 --> 00:18:36,814
to an ad-free experience
for $4.99?
434
00:18:36,882 --> 00:18:39,483
- No.
- Try new Domino's Pizza.
435
00:18:44,790 --> 00:18:46,469
Hey, Peter, who are these guys?
436
00:18:46,493 --> 00:18:48,070
Oh, this is just my looping GIF
437
00:18:48,094 --> 00:18:51,112
of black teens reacting
to a very mild burn.
438
00:18:51,180 --> 00:18:52,863
Huh. Sounds kind of pointless.
439
00:18:52,932 --> 00:18:54,231
Oh, you mean like your feet?
440
00:19:04,978 --> 00:19:07,644
All right, trying to be
the Internet is impossible.
441
00:19:07,713 --> 00:19:09,658
I wish I never peed
on that server.
442
00:19:09,682 --> 00:19:11,226
You know,
when my phone gets wet,
443
00:19:11,250 --> 00:19:12,694
I just put it in a bag of rice.
444
00:19:12,718 --> 00:19:14,018
Shut up, Meg. That's dumb.
445
00:19:14,087 --> 00:19:15,630
I've done that before.
It works.
446
00:19:15,654 --> 00:19:17,566
Chris, that's brilliant.
447
00:19:17,590 --> 00:19:19,668
We just need a big bag
and a lot of rice.
448
00:19:19,692 --> 00:19:21,058
You sure that's gonna work?
449
00:19:21,127 --> 00:19:22,259
Eh, worth a shot.
450
00:19:22,328 --> 00:19:23,738
We'll just have to roll up
our sleeves
451
00:19:23,762 --> 00:19:25,029
and do the best we can,
452
00:19:25,098 --> 00:19:27,448
like the men
who built New York City.
453
00:19:27,534 --> 00:19:31,268
Men, creating an entire
subway system out of nothing
454
00:19:31,337 --> 00:19:34,639
is grueling, thankless,
life-threatening work.
455
00:19:34,707 --> 00:19:36,351
But just remember:
we're doing this
456
00:19:36,375 --> 00:19:39,215
so that one day,
future commuters
can be hassled
457
00:19:39,245 --> 00:19:42,479
by panhandlers
and amateur break-dancers.
458
00:19:42,549 --> 00:19:44,326
What about public masturbators?
459
00:19:44,350 --> 00:19:46,617
Especially public masturbators.
460
00:19:46,686 --> 00:19:48,953
Now, let's go die underground!
461
00:19:58,197 --> 00:19:59,663
Look, we're getting a signal.
462
00:19:59,732 --> 00:20:01,131
I think we fixed the Internet.
463
00:20:01,200 --> 00:20:02,400
Something's coming through.
464
00:20:02,468 --> 00:20:03,868
It looks like an ad.
465
00:20:03,936 --> 00:20:06,803
"Smithwick's
Artisinal Pretzels."
466
00:20:06,873 --> 00:20:08,205
Son of a bitch!
467
00:20:14,280 --> 00:20:16,763
Well, I'm glad
you got the Internet...
468
00:20:16,833 --> 00:20:17,998
H-Hold on.
469
00:20:19,135 --> 00:20:21,013
I'm sorry,
what-what were you saying?
470
00:20:21,037 --> 00:20:22,169
Yeah, sounds good.
471
00:20:23,072 --> 00:20:24,972
And send.
472
00:20:25,808 --> 00:20:27,842
Take that, Delta Air Lines.
473
00:20:39,421 --> 00:20:41,055
Submitted for your approval:
474
00:20:41,123 --> 00:20:44,358
a restaurant full of people
so distracted by their phones
475
00:20:44,426 --> 00:20:47,661
they're unaware
that they're all
about to go up in smoke,
476
00:20:47,730 --> 00:20:50,030
just like
the Fox Tuesday night lineup.
35459
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