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♪ It seems todaythat all you see
2
00:00:04,938 --> 00:00:08,273
♪ Is violence in moviesand sex on TV
3
00:00:08,342 --> 00:00:11,743
♪ But where are thosegood old-fashioned values
4
00:00:11,812 --> 00:00:14,980
♪ On which we used to rely?
5
00:00:15,049 --> 00:00:18,350
♪ Lucky there's a family guy
6
00:00:18,419 --> 00:00:21,603
♪ Lucky there's a man whopositively can do
7
00:00:21,671 --> 00:00:23,354
♪ All the things that make us
8
00:00:23,423 --> 00:00:24,890
♪ Laugh and cry
9
00:00:24,958 --> 00:00:30,095
♪ He's a Family Guy ♪
10
00:00:37,921 --> 00:00:39,121
Wow, you guys.
11
00:00:39,189 --> 00:00:41,134
I've never been to
a restaurant where they cook
12
00:00:41,158 --> 00:00:42,524
right in front of you.
13
00:00:42,593 --> 00:00:44,604
Ugh. You know, later
we're going to have to take
14
00:00:44,628 --> 00:00:46,895
one of those forced
happiness family photos
15
00:00:46,964 --> 00:00:49,464
that come in the
restaurant's tacky frame.
16
00:00:49,533 --> 00:00:52,634
Why are you so fucking
negative all the time?
17
00:00:52,703 --> 00:00:56,437
I... uh... wha...
I don't... uh, what?
18
00:00:56,507 --> 00:00:57,951
Come on, you guys, relax.
19
00:00:57,975 --> 00:00:59,085
Let's have a fun night.
20
00:00:59,109 --> 00:01:00,587
We haven't done
anything as a family
21
00:01:00,611 --> 00:01:03,344
since we sat courtside
at that NBA game.
22
00:01:05,448 --> 00:01:06,748
You okay? You guys okay?
23
00:01:08,451 --> 00:01:09,818
Great seats.
24
00:01:09,887 --> 00:01:12,287
Yeah, it's a whole different
game when you sit down here.
25
00:01:16,794 --> 00:01:19,595
Huh, "samurai" or "geishas."
26
00:01:19,663 --> 00:01:20,863
Which one am I?
27
00:01:20,931 --> 00:01:23,051
I'll just wait till
somebody else goes in.
28
00:01:25,068 --> 00:01:26,718
Well, that wasn't helpful.
29
00:01:26,787 --> 00:01:28,954
Hmm, this one's holding a fan.
30
00:01:29,022 --> 00:01:31,423
That's usually what I need
when I'm done in a bathroom.
31
00:01:32,259 --> 00:01:33,425
Oop, no urinals.
32
00:01:33,494 --> 00:01:34,574
Must've guessed wrong.
33
00:01:37,013 --> 00:01:38,680
Wow, look at this place.
34
00:01:38,749 --> 00:01:41,350
There's candles, hand lotion.
35
00:01:41,418 --> 00:01:43,262
Whoa, there's not even
any swastikas
36
00:01:43,286 --> 00:01:44,852
carved into the toilet seat.
37
00:01:44,921 --> 00:01:46,688
And it's so peaceful.
38
00:01:46,756 --> 00:01:48,334
I haven't heard
a guy's booming fart
39
00:01:48,358 --> 00:01:50,002
the whole time
I've been in here.
40
00:01:50,026 --> 00:01:52,460
I feel more relaxed
than a chick on Facebook
41
00:01:52,529 --> 00:01:54,489
with her legs
in front of a pool.
42
00:02:07,644 --> 00:02:09,155
All right, Lois,
I'm off to the mall.
43
00:02:09,179 --> 00:02:10,423
I'll be back in
about 20 minutes.
44
00:02:10,447 --> 00:02:11,780
Oh, what are you gonna buy?
45
00:02:11,849 --> 00:02:14,127
Nothing. After the other
night, I made a decision.
46
00:02:14,151 --> 00:02:16,651
From now on, I'm only
using women's restrooms.
47
00:02:16,720 --> 00:02:18,920
What? You can't do that.
You're a man.
48
00:02:18,988 --> 00:02:20,088
You'll get in trouble.
49
00:02:20,156 --> 00:02:21,267
Oh, I got that covered.
50
00:02:21,291 --> 00:02:22,768
I'm going to Anthropologie.
51
00:02:22,792 --> 00:02:24,604
I'll just ask them for
something so ridiculous,
52
00:02:24,628 --> 00:02:26,339
they'll have to check
in the back for it.
53
00:02:26,363 --> 00:02:28,947
And then I'll sneak into
their ladies' room.
54
00:02:29,016 --> 00:02:31,650
Yes, I'd like
a $4,000 ping-pong table
55
00:02:31,719 --> 00:02:33,196
that's shaped like
Easter Island.
56
00:02:33,220 --> 00:02:35,100
We have one right over there.
57
00:02:37,540 --> 00:02:38,707
Okay.
58
00:02:38,776 --> 00:02:40,654
How about a telephone
that's made of vintage
59
00:02:40,678 --> 00:02:42,811
phone book paper
and doesn't make or receive
60
00:02:42,880 --> 00:02:44,724
phone calls or work in any way?
61
00:02:44,748 --> 00:02:46,708
You mean like this
one right here?
62
00:02:48,852 --> 00:02:50,797
- Right, but what if I wanted.
- Sir, sir?
63
00:02:50,821 --> 00:02:52,465
There's nothing you
can possibly imagine
64
00:02:52,489 --> 00:02:54,568
that's strange or useless
enough that we don't have it
65
00:02:54,592 --> 00:02:55,824
here at Anthropologie.
66
00:02:55,893 --> 00:02:58,727
I know one thing you don't
have. Black customers.
67
00:02:58,796 --> 00:03:01,296
Ah! I'm melting!
68
00:03:01,364 --> 00:03:03,031
Ha-ha! To the ladies' room!
69
00:03:11,958 --> 00:03:13,958
Wow, this is the nicest one yet.
70
00:03:15,279 --> 00:03:17,439
Eh, what are the odds
she's gonna show up?
71
00:03:25,689 --> 00:03:27,956
Did you get your ass kicked
by Meryl Streep?
72
00:03:28,025 --> 00:03:30,225
No, it was just some
low-class cockney woman
73
00:03:30,260 --> 00:03:32,661
from the mid-1800s and...
74
00:03:32,730 --> 00:03:34,362
Bravo!
75
00:03:35,165 --> 00:03:37,365
She is amazing.
76
00:03:37,434 --> 00:03:39,354
Thank you.
77
00:03:40,437 --> 00:03:42,270
Stay out of my crapper.
78
00:03:44,408 --> 00:03:46,208
And the Oscar goes to...
79
00:03:46,276 --> 00:03:49,611
Meryl Streep,
for Stay Out of My Crapper.
80
00:03:59,573 --> 00:04:01,974
Ah, the ladies' room
at Wimbledon.
81
00:04:02,042 --> 00:04:04,643
This must be the fanciest
bathroom in the world.
82
00:04:04,711 --> 00:04:06,356
Uh-oh, looks like
these are in use.
83
00:04:14,237 --> 00:04:15,254
Deuce.
84
00:04:20,911 --> 00:04:22,088
Hey, uh, don't tell Mom that
85
00:04:22,112 --> 00:04:23,712
we don't use car seats with me.
86
00:04:27,534 --> 00:04:29,334
Unhand me! What do you think
you're doing?
87
00:04:29,403 --> 00:04:32,170
Okay, Stewie, you're gonna
help Daddy by holding his iPad
88
00:04:32,239 --> 00:04:35,407
while he watches season
one of House of Cards.
89
00:04:40,114 --> 00:04:41,946
Wh... where was the house?
90
00:04:42,015 --> 00:04:44,015
Where was the house of cards?
91
00:04:44,084 --> 00:04:46,318
All right, Stewie, time to go.
92
00:04:46,386 --> 00:04:48,653
Whoa, whoa.
A little wobbly.
93
00:04:48,722 --> 00:04:50,054
Guess my legs fell asleep.
94
00:04:50,790 --> 00:04:53,141
Ah!
95
00:04:53,210 --> 00:04:55,810
Stewie, Daddy can't feel
his legs. Go get help!
96
00:04:55,879 --> 00:04:57,879
I'm hanging from a door,
you idiot!
97
00:05:01,669 --> 00:05:03,919
By the way, you're down
to five percent battery.
98
00:05:05,089 --> 00:05:07,022
Oh, damn it, my head.
99
00:05:07,091 --> 00:05:09,335
Well, no wonder. You're
running all the apps at once.
100
00:05:11,294 --> 00:05:13,494
Sir? Sir, can you hear me?
101
00:05:16,099 --> 00:05:17,099
There he is.
102
00:05:17,167 --> 00:05:18,633
Welcome back, buddy.
103
00:05:18,702 --> 00:05:20,718
- Who are you?
- I'm a paramedic.
104
00:05:20,787 --> 00:05:22,187
Name's Stryker Foxx.
105
00:05:23,490 --> 00:05:24,906
Oh, Lois just texted.
106
00:05:24,975 --> 00:05:26,975
"Burgers or meatballs
for dinner?"
107
00:05:27,044 --> 00:05:28,643
I'll text back for you.
108
00:05:28,712 --> 00:05:31,346
"Same thing, bitch.
Just different shapes."
109
00:05:33,984 --> 00:05:36,084
Oh, this is gonna be fun.
110
00:05:36,153 --> 00:05:37,636
Oh, battery died.
111
00:05:37,705 --> 00:05:39,416
Sir, you've sustained
a head injury.
112
00:05:39,440 --> 00:05:40,639
How many chicken fingers
113
00:05:40,708 --> 00:05:42,419
am I holding up,
and do you want one?
114
00:05:42,443 --> 00:05:44,075
Three, and hell yeah!
115
00:05:44,978 --> 00:05:47,245
Mmm. Aw. These are amazing!
116
00:05:47,314 --> 00:05:48,830
Did I die and go to heaven?
117
00:05:48,899 --> 00:05:50,543
Well, you didn't die,
'cause I saved you.
118
00:05:50,567 --> 00:05:52,912
And you're not in heaven
'cause you're not holding
a margarita.
119
00:05:52,936 --> 00:05:54,903
Oh, wait a minute, yes, you are.
120
00:05:54,972 --> 00:05:56,916
You brought a lot of food
in the bathroom.
121
00:05:56,940 --> 00:05:57,973
I always do.
122
00:05:59,910 --> 00:06:01,409
Oh, my God.
123
00:06:01,478 --> 00:06:03,111
Are you the coolest guy ever?
124
00:06:03,179 --> 00:06:05,291
Ah, that's just a silly
title they gave me
125
00:06:05,315 --> 00:06:07,293
down at the Karate
Paintball Dirt Bike Club.
126
00:06:07,317 --> 00:06:08,895
- Awesome!
- Okay, well,
127
00:06:08,919 --> 00:06:09,919
bandaged you up.
128
00:06:09,987 --> 00:06:11,486
You should be good to go.
129
00:06:11,555 --> 00:06:13,621
But just be more
careful next time.
130
00:06:13,690 --> 00:06:15,650
I know.
What a stupid injury, huh?
131
00:06:15,692 --> 00:06:16,736
I haven't been this embarrassed
132
00:06:16,760 --> 00:06:18,720
since I was
a rookie firefighter.
133
00:06:23,850 --> 00:06:25,930
Sorry, first day.
Still learning.
134
00:06:30,607 --> 00:06:32,406
Hey, Stryker, wait!
135
00:06:32,475 --> 00:06:34,253
Hey, listen, I just
wanted to say thanks again
136
00:06:34,277 --> 00:06:35,317
for patching me up.
137
00:06:35,345 --> 00:06:36,611
No problem, buddy.
138
00:06:36,680 --> 00:06:38,963
Hey, that's an interesting
necklace you got there.
139
00:06:39,032 --> 00:06:40,844
Oh, this?
It's from when I was a kid.
140
00:06:40,868 --> 00:06:42,967
It's half of
a "best friend" coin.
141
00:06:43,036 --> 00:06:44,436
I always had this crazy dream
142
00:06:44,505 --> 00:06:46,865
that one day I'd run into
the guy with the other half.
143
00:06:51,494 --> 00:06:53,695
Oh, my God. Cody?
144
00:06:53,764 --> 00:06:56,964
Oh, that must be the name
of the dead surfer
I found this on.
145
00:07:03,273 --> 00:07:05,151
We now return to the Olympics.
146
00:07:05,175 --> 00:07:06,507
Ugh, it's so annoying.
147
00:07:06,576 --> 00:07:08,187
They always use
football announcers
148
00:07:08,211 --> 00:07:10,105
for events they
know nothing about.
149
00:07:10,129 --> 00:07:12,408
The players are ready
to take the swimming field.
150
00:07:12,432 --> 00:07:14,499
And they're swimming!
151
00:07:14,568 --> 00:07:16,579
They appear to be doing
the forward stroke.
152
00:07:16,603 --> 00:07:17,936
My neighbor has a pool.
153
00:07:18,004 --> 00:07:20,115
I'll take a dip if I know
they're on vacation.
154
00:07:20,139 --> 00:07:22,652
It's neck-and-neck,and it looks likeCanada won!
155
00:07:22,676 --> 00:07:24,756
Uh, no, they're going back
the other way.
156
00:07:25,846 --> 00:07:27,423
What do you think?
How do I look?
157
00:07:27,447 --> 00:07:29,547
Like a gas station energy drink.
158
00:07:29,616 --> 00:07:31,360
But you put that on
to go to the Clam?
159
00:07:31,384 --> 00:07:33,629
Aren't the guys gonna think
you're a little overdressed?
160
00:07:33,653 --> 00:07:34,997
Oh, I'm not hanging out
with the guys.
161
00:07:35,021 --> 00:07:36,253
I met someone new.
162
00:07:36,322 --> 00:07:38,957
His name's Stryker
and he's really cool.
163
00:07:39,025 --> 00:07:41,325
Like, he's one of those guys
whose forearm hair
164
00:07:41,394 --> 00:07:43,354
makes his watch
look even cooler.
165
00:07:44,731 --> 00:07:46,075
It's Stryker!
166
00:07:46,099 --> 00:07:48,800
I want him to think I was
listening to a cool song.
167
00:07:48,868 --> 00:07:50,268
♪ Pump up the jam ♪
168
00:07:50,337 --> 00:07:51,369
Yeah, who dis?
169
00:07:51,438 --> 00:07:52,537
Oh, hey, man.
170
00:07:52,606 --> 00:07:54,183
Oh, nothing much.
Just getting slurped.
171
00:07:54,207 --> 00:07:55,273
Ew.
172
00:07:55,341 --> 00:07:56,541
Oh, you're almost here?
173
00:07:56,609 --> 00:07:58,154
Okay, just, uh,
just give me a second
174
00:07:58,178 --> 00:08:00,378
so I can put away
all my guitars.
175
00:08:00,446 --> 00:08:01,913
Okay, Seacrest out. Bye.
176
00:08:03,050 --> 00:08:04,382
What the hell was that?
177
00:08:04,450 --> 00:08:05,450
Lay off. Nothing.
178
00:08:14,861 --> 00:08:17,462
Does he always walk
in slow motion?
179
00:08:26,806 --> 00:08:28,451
- Hey, Peter.
- Hey, man.
180
00:08:28,475 --> 00:08:29,641
Hola, cha-cha, hi-hi.
181
00:08:29,709 --> 00:08:30,808
Peter!
182
00:08:30,877 --> 00:08:32,188
I don't know.
It's-it's this house.
183
00:08:32,212 --> 00:08:34,132
I-I got to get
out of this house.
184
00:08:34,447 --> 00:08:36,314
Boy, Dad sure seems excited.
185
00:08:36,383 --> 00:08:38,227
I know. I haven't
seen him this giddy
186
00:08:38,251 --> 00:08:41,052
since he discovered that
single-loop roller coaster.
187
00:08:41,120 --> 00:08:44,372
Ah...
188
00:08:44,441 --> 00:08:47,408
Ah...
189
00:08:47,477 --> 00:08:49,744
Ah...
190
00:08:49,812 --> 00:08:50,978
Uh, don't feel so good.
191
00:08:51,047 --> 00:08:52,525
Ew!
192
00:08:52,549 --> 00:08:54,215
Ah...
193
00:08:54,284 --> 00:08:55,595
Ew!
194
00:08:55,619 --> 00:08:57,051
Ah...
195
00:08:57,120 --> 00:08:58,904
Ew!
196
00:09:06,129 --> 00:09:07,996
Wow, what a cool loft.
197
00:09:08,065 --> 00:09:11,115
I bet it cost a ton to make
this place look unfinished.
198
00:09:11,184 --> 00:09:12,328
Hey, come over here.
There's someone I want
199
00:09:12,352 --> 00:09:16,387
to introduce you to:
1997 George Clooney.
200
00:09:16,456 --> 00:09:19,257
Wow! That's the coolest
George Clooney there is!
201
00:09:19,326 --> 00:09:21,959
Hi, George Clooney,
second worst Batman.
202
00:09:22,028 --> 00:09:23,772
Peter Griffin,
second best Homer.
203
00:09:23,796 --> 00:09:25,474
You may have heard,
I'm also known
204
00:09:25,498 --> 00:09:27,476
for my practical
jokes on the set.
205
00:09:27,500 --> 00:09:30,368
One time, I nailed Nora Dunn
in the head with an apple.
206
00:09:30,437 --> 00:09:32,937
That-That's hilarious
'cause you're handsome.
207
00:09:33,005 --> 00:09:35,740
Otherwise, you're just
some dick who hit a lady.
208
00:09:35,808 --> 00:09:37,420
Aw, thanks for bringing
me here, Stryker.
209
00:09:37,444 --> 00:09:38,821
I'm having the best time ever.
210
00:09:38,845 --> 00:09:41,005
Even better than when
I lived in Santa Fe.
211
00:09:43,233 --> 00:09:45,433
Have you ever seen
a prettier sunset?
212
00:09:45,502 --> 00:09:46,534
Never.
213
00:09:46,603 --> 00:09:48,302
It's just so peaceful here.
214
00:09:48,372 --> 00:09:49,604
It sure is.
215
00:09:49,673 --> 00:09:51,606
Mm. Sure is.
216
00:09:51,675 --> 00:09:54,976
Did you also have
a very public meltdown
in another city?
217
00:09:55,044 --> 00:09:57,846
- I did.
- Yeah. Yeah.
218
00:10:07,958 --> 00:10:09,324
Ugh, it's the guys.
219
00:10:09,392 --> 00:10:10,692
What do those losers want?
220
00:10:10,760 --> 00:10:12,710
Losers?
Those are your friends.
221
00:10:12,779 --> 00:10:13,944
Nah, they're lame.
222
00:10:14,013 --> 00:10:16,847
Not one of them
has ever vaped at a funeral.
223
00:10:16,916 --> 00:10:18,761
- Hey, Peter.
- Hey, what are you
doing tonight?
224
00:10:18,785 --> 00:10:20,162
We're gonna watch Cleveland
225
00:10:20,186 --> 00:10:22,732
put a garbage can
full of coins
in a Coinstar.
226
00:10:22,756 --> 00:10:24,906
Sometimes it takes my buttons.
227
00:10:24,974 --> 00:10:27,014
Eh, thanks, guys,
but I can't make it.
228
00:10:27,043 --> 00:10:29,744
I'm, um, I'm getting
re-circumcised.
229
00:10:29,813 --> 00:10:30,890
Got a wedding next week.
230
00:10:30,914 --> 00:10:32,458
I just want to
clean it up a bit.
231
00:10:32,482 --> 00:10:34,193
- Oh, well, that's too bad.
- Yeah, maybe next time.
232
00:10:34,217 --> 00:10:36,418
That sounds horrible.
233
00:10:36,486 --> 00:10:38,531
Peter, why did you
just lie to the guys?
234
00:10:38,555 --> 00:10:40,199
'Cause I got plans with Stryker.
235
00:10:40,223 --> 00:10:41,784
I don't want them
to embarrass me.
236
00:10:41,808 --> 00:10:43,252
Eh, I get
where he's coming from.
237
00:10:43,276 --> 00:10:45,420
That's why I never
introduce you to my friends.
238
00:10:45,444 --> 00:10:46,510
What friends?
239
00:10:46,579 --> 00:10:49,013
Like the guys
in my photography club.
240
00:10:49,082 --> 00:10:51,349
"Dear Gary Glitter,
Jeffrey Jones
241
00:10:51,417 --> 00:10:53,150
"and Jared from Subway,
242
00:10:53,219 --> 00:10:55,787
"I feel like I'm the only one
sending pics.
243
00:10:55,856 --> 00:10:57,816
"I love all
the positive feedback,
244
00:10:57,858 --> 00:10:59,791
"but maybe you guys send a pic?
245
00:10:59,860 --> 00:11:01,325
Anyway, here's more pics."
246
00:11:09,235 --> 00:11:11,235
Hey, you ever try
that? Wingsuiting?
247
00:11:11,304 --> 00:11:12,670
I mean, basically, yeah.
248
00:11:12,739 --> 00:11:14,283
One time, I jumped
off a top bunk
249
00:11:14,307 --> 00:11:16,574
with a towel
around my neck like a cape.
250
00:11:16,642 --> 00:11:18,042
It was inside the IKEA.
251
00:11:18,111 --> 00:11:19,989
I landed on
a cardboard computer.
252
00:11:20,013 --> 00:11:22,013
We should totally
do that sometime.
253
00:11:22,082 --> 00:11:23,347
Nah, I can't go back there.
254
00:11:23,416 --> 00:11:25,376
They got my picture by the door.
255
00:11:26,887 --> 00:11:28,986
Hey, he is in here.
256
00:11:29,055 --> 00:11:30,499
What the hell are
you guys doing here?
257
00:11:30,523 --> 00:11:32,168
We were coming back
from the Coinstar
258
00:11:32,192 --> 00:11:33,691
and saw your car out front.
259
00:11:33,760 --> 00:11:36,594
Rough night. Turns out
the can was all buttons.
260
00:11:36,662 --> 00:11:38,407
We're not gonna
make our mortgage.
261
00:11:38,431 --> 00:11:39,563
What are you doing here?
262
00:11:39,632 --> 00:11:41,310
I thought you were too busy
to go out tonight.
263
00:11:41,334 --> 00:11:42,845
Peter, who are your friends?
264
00:11:42,869 --> 00:11:47,605
Oh, um... Stryker, this is
Quagmire, Joe and Cleveland.
265
00:11:47,673 --> 00:11:48,984
How do you two know each other?
266
00:11:49,008 --> 00:11:50,986
Did you meet at
the Harry Potter store?
267
00:11:51,010 --> 00:11:52,276
Peter loves that place.
268
00:11:52,345 --> 00:11:55,046
It was one wand and I was
using a gift certificate.
269
00:11:55,114 --> 00:11:57,760
No, we actually met
when I was administering
first aid to him.
270
00:11:57,784 --> 00:11:59,717
- I'm a paramedic.
- For real?
271
00:11:59,786 --> 00:12:02,353
Hey, can I show you seven
or eight things on my body
272
00:12:02,422 --> 00:12:04,556
and ask for medical diagnosises?
273
00:12:04,624 --> 00:12:06,958
This thing here that looks
like a second elbow,
274
00:12:07,027 --> 00:12:08,103
I don't know what it is.
275
00:12:08,127 --> 00:12:09,739
Feels like it's filled
with liquid.
276
00:12:09,763 --> 00:12:11,456
Well, I could take a look at it.
277
00:12:11,480 --> 00:12:13,425
No, no, no, guys, guys,
it's his night off.
278
00:12:13,449 --> 00:12:14,548
I have two pee holes.
279
00:12:14,617 --> 00:12:16,728
Stop it! Stop it.
Guys, can I talk to you?
280
00:12:16,752 --> 00:12:18,719
Look, this, this right here
281
00:12:18,788 --> 00:12:20,565
is exactly why
I've been avoiding you.
282
00:12:20,589 --> 00:12:22,734
I knew you'd embarrass me
in front of Stryker.
283
00:12:22,758 --> 00:12:24,303
Who cares?
He's just some dude.
284
00:12:24,327 --> 00:12:26,294
He's not "just some dude."
285
00:12:26,362 --> 00:12:28,040
He happens to be
the first really cool friend
286
00:12:28,064 --> 00:12:29,213
I've ever had.
287
00:12:29,282 --> 00:12:31,027
What are you talking about?
We're cool.
288
00:12:31,051 --> 00:12:32,795
You are absolutely not cool.
289
00:12:32,819 --> 00:12:34,052
Oh, yeah?
290
00:12:34,120 --> 00:12:36,098
Well, then why did those
teenagers on the way in say,
291
00:12:36,122 --> 00:12:37,589
"Cool wheelchair, dick"?
292
00:12:37,657 --> 00:12:39,435
Hey, look, Peter,
if you're so embarrassed by us
293
00:12:39,459 --> 00:12:40,925
and you think we're losers,
294
00:12:40,994 --> 00:12:42,555
well, then we don't want
to hang out with you, either.
295
00:12:42,579 --> 00:12:44,712
Good. Who needs you bums?
I got Stryker.
296
00:12:44,798 --> 00:12:45,997
Oh, yeah?
297
00:12:46,066 --> 00:12:48,386
Well, I hope you two are
happy together, you jerk.
298
00:12:49,535 --> 00:12:51,247
Cool wheelchair, dick.
299
00:12:51,271 --> 00:12:53,591
Thanks. Did you see
the backpack hanging off it?
300
00:13:06,686 --> 00:13:09,632
Wow, you know,
I never thought I could be
talked into wingsuiting.
301
00:13:09,656 --> 00:13:12,668
You're gonna love it.
It's just a short hike
from here to the summit.
302
00:13:12,692 --> 00:13:14,792
A hike? It's no problem.
303
00:13:14,861 --> 00:13:17,294
Shouldn't affect
my old football injury.
304
00:13:17,363 --> 00:13:19,108
I spilled hot chili on my nuts.
305
00:13:19,132 --> 00:13:20,910
You're a riot, Peter.
306
00:13:20,934 --> 00:13:22,894
Hey, you sure
you're up for this?
307
00:13:22,952 --> 00:13:26,153
Oh, hell yeah.
When I commit to something,
I go all the way,
308
00:13:26,222 --> 00:13:28,302
like when I had
Kathleen Turner's voice.
309
00:13:29,676 --> 00:13:31,020
Good morning, guys.
310
00:13:31,044 --> 00:13:32,721
Peter, what's wrong
with your voice?
311
00:13:32,745 --> 00:13:35,112
I got punched in the throat
at the Clam last night.
312
00:13:35,182 --> 00:13:37,831
Now I sound exactly
like Kathleen Turner.
313
00:13:37,900 --> 00:13:39,984
I'm just gonna get my stromboli.
314
00:13:40,052 --> 00:13:42,787
Hey! Get away from
my stromboli, Kathleen Turner!
315
00:13:55,435 --> 00:13:58,452
Wow, that's, uh...
that's some view.
316
00:13:58,521 --> 00:13:59,586
I know, isn't it?
317
00:13:59,655 --> 00:14:01,467
You see that
rock formation over there?
318
00:14:01,491 --> 00:14:03,808
We're gonna fly right
through the center of it.
319
00:14:03,876 --> 00:14:05,655
It's called
threading the needle.
320
00:14:05,679 --> 00:14:06,844
Totally intense.
321
00:14:06,913 --> 00:14:09,447
Uh-huh, uh-huh, yeah.
Or-or how about this?
322
00:14:09,516 --> 00:14:11,356
Maybe you jump off this cliff
323
00:14:11,418 --> 00:14:14,752
and I spin around over there
and sing Sound of Music.
324
00:14:14,821 --> 00:14:16,865
Or we could just go home
and watch Sound of Music.
325
00:14:16,889 --> 00:14:18,401
I can see you're
a little nervous, Peter,
326
00:14:18,425 --> 00:14:20,791
but I'm telling you,
it is easier than you think.
327
00:14:20,860 --> 00:14:21,860
Watch.
328
00:14:35,975 --> 00:14:37,858
Wow, look at him go.
329
00:14:37,927 --> 00:14:39,193
You know, just when I thought
330
00:14:39,262 --> 00:14:42,212
he couldn't get any cooler,
he goes... holy shit!
331
00:14:42,281 --> 00:14:44,081
Oh, my God! Oh, my God!
332
00:14:44,150 --> 00:14:47,518
Oh! What-what just... There's
almost nothing left of him!
333
00:14:47,587 --> 00:14:49,264
And I just know
I'm gonna be the one
334
00:14:49,288 --> 00:14:50,528
to have to identify the body.
335
00:14:53,209 --> 00:14:56,243
That's him. Poor guy.
336
00:14:56,312 --> 00:14:58,512
He looks like a bowl
of tomato soup.
337
00:14:58,581 --> 00:15:00,225
Guy next to him died in a fire.
338
00:15:00,249 --> 00:15:02,329
He looks like a
grilled cheese sandwich.
339
00:15:03,286 --> 00:15:06,753
Oh, these two poor souls
are the best combination
340
00:15:06,822 --> 00:15:08,189
for a rainy Saturday.
341
00:15:15,581 --> 00:15:17,481
So, hey, guys.
342
00:15:17,550 --> 00:15:19,817
What are we drinking? Beer?
343
00:15:19,885 --> 00:15:22,886
Hey, Quagmire, how about one
of your famous sexual stories?
344
00:15:22,956 --> 00:15:24,055
Take a hike, Peter.
345
00:15:24,123 --> 00:15:26,201
Ah, oh, you mean
something Joe can't do?
346
00:15:26,225 --> 00:15:29,209
Friendly jokes
indicating closeness.
347
00:15:29,296 --> 00:15:31,006
We heard about Stryker dying.
348
00:15:31,030 --> 00:15:32,046
Ah, craps.
349
00:15:32,131 --> 00:15:33,230
Yeah, give it up.
350
00:15:33,299 --> 00:15:35,143
We know the only
reason you're here
351
00:15:35,167 --> 00:15:37,167
is 'cause your cool
friend is gone.
352
00:15:37,203 --> 00:15:39,448
That's right. We're not
your floppy seconds, Peter.
353
00:15:39,472 --> 00:15:41,038
It's actually "sloppy."
354
00:15:41,107 --> 00:15:43,285
Well, for me, it's both.
But listen, you really
hurt our feelings.
355
00:15:43,309 --> 00:15:45,554
You can't just treat us like
garbage and then expect us
356
00:15:45,578 --> 00:15:47,355
to take you back
like nothing happened.
357
00:15:47,379 --> 00:15:50,042
Okay, that's-that's too bad
'cause that was kind of
my plan.
358
00:15:50,066 --> 00:15:51,410
Well, you can go to hell, Peter.
359
00:15:51,434 --> 00:15:53,379
We're tired of you
taking us for granted.
360
00:15:53,403 --> 00:15:54,880
Yeah, and this isn't
even the first time
361
00:15:54,904 --> 00:15:56,549
you ditched us for someone else.
362
00:15:56,573 --> 00:15:57,750
Remember when you blew us off
363
00:15:57,774 --> 00:15:59,694
to hang out with Jerry Seinfeld?
364
00:16:01,861 --> 00:16:04,595
Julia Louis-Dreyfus
has a lot of Emmys now.
365
00:16:04,664 --> 00:16:05,763
Yeah.
366
00:16:09,602 --> 00:16:11,935
Why did your wife
steal that cookbook?
367
00:16:17,443 --> 00:16:19,910
Peter, I'm sorry
about your friend Stryker.
368
00:16:19,979 --> 00:16:22,313
I know it's got to be hard
to watch a man explode
369
00:16:22,382 --> 00:16:23,897
like a bug on a windshield.
370
00:16:23,966 --> 00:16:25,232
No, it's not that...
371
00:16:25,301 --> 00:16:27,601
I mean, I do see that
every time I close my eyes,
372
00:16:27,670 --> 00:16:29,537
but it's the guys.
373
00:16:29,605 --> 00:16:31,216
They're really mad at me,
and I'm afraid
374
00:16:31,240 --> 00:16:33,235
they don't want to be
friends with me any more.
375
00:16:33,259 --> 00:16:34,792
Well, it's hard to blame them.
376
00:16:34,860 --> 00:16:37,362
You treated them like you
don't even care about them.
377
00:16:37,430 --> 00:16:39,263
I do care about them.
378
00:16:39,332 --> 00:16:42,166
It's just, when I hung
around with Stryker,
379
00:16:42,235 --> 00:16:45,470
people thought I was cool,
and it felt good.
380
00:16:45,538 --> 00:16:47,422
No one ever thinks I'm cool.
381
00:16:47,490 --> 00:16:51,158
Your friends thought you were
cool, until you dumped them.
382
00:16:51,227 --> 00:16:54,094
Oh, wow, I guess you're right.
383
00:16:54,163 --> 00:16:56,497
I treated them like crap.
384
00:16:56,566 --> 00:16:58,799
I just got to find a way
to make it up to 'em.
385
00:16:58,868 --> 00:17:00,201
You got any ideas?
386
00:17:00,269 --> 00:17:03,170
Mom? Dad?
Can Gary Glitter,
Jeffrey Jones
387
00:17:03,239 --> 00:17:05,319
and Jared from Subway
spend the night?
388
00:17:07,126 --> 00:17:10,039
I don't know, Peter,
but it's got to be
something really meaningful,
389
00:17:10,063 --> 00:17:11,862
because imagine how they feel.
390
00:17:11,931 --> 00:17:14,982
After all, you were willing to
jump off a cliff for Stryker.
391
00:17:15,050 --> 00:17:17,331
Well, they didn't say yes,
but they didn't say no.
392
00:17:18,004 --> 00:17:19,303
You're right.
393
00:17:19,372 --> 00:17:20,671
Thanks, Lois.
394
00:17:20,740 --> 00:17:23,474
And now I know exactly
what I have to do.
395
00:17:25,745 --> 00:17:27,422
Uh, where the hell
are you going?
396
00:17:27,446 --> 00:17:29,158
Lois told me to go
jump off a cliff
397
00:17:29,182 --> 00:17:30,960
to prove my friendship
to the guys.
398
00:17:30,984 --> 00:17:33,751
Are you, are you sure
that's what she said?
399
00:17:33,819 --> 00:17:35,797
I don't know, Brian.
Her shirt was kind of open.
400
00:17:35,821 --> 00:17:37,266
I was trying to get
a peek down there.
401
00:17:37,290 --> 00:17:39,330
Anyway, I got to go
jump off a cliff.
402
00:17:43,362 --> 00:17:46,230
Peter, wait. Hold on.
This is crazy!
403
00:17:46,298 --> 00:17:47,298
Damn it.
404
00:17:47,366 --> 00:17:48,465
Where's Peter going?
405
00:17:49,368 --> 00:17:50,701
Huh?
406
00:17:50,770 --> 00:17:51,902
Oh, for God's sake.
407
00:17:59,779 --> 00:18:02,446
Hey, Quagmire,
Cleveland and Joe.
408
00:18:02,515 --> 00:18:05,683
It's your buddy, Peter,
and I'm about to
thread the needle
409
00:18:05,752 --> 00:18:08,152
to prove to you guys
how sorry I am
410
00:18:08,220 --> 00:18:10,488
and that I'd do anything
to win you back.
411
00:18:10,556 --> 00:18:12,837
And if something goes wrong
and I don't survive,
412
00:18:12,892 --> 00:18:14,069
you can go ahead and delete
413
00:18:14,093 --> 00:18:16,004
the Kennedy Center Honors
from my DVR.
414
00:18:16,028 --> 00:18:17,461
I'm never gonna watch that.
415
00:18:18,147 --> 00:18:20,214
Okay, here goes nothing.
416
00:18:20,282 --> 00:18:22,917
I just wish the sponsor on
my suit was a little cooler.
417
00:18:31,260 --> 00:18:32,504
Peter, stop!
418
00:18:32,528 --> 00:18:33,694
Don't jump!
419
00:18:33,780 --> 00:18:35,090
Brian told us you were gonna...
420
00:18:35,114 --> 00:18:36,591
Why are you wearing
a douche suit?
421
00:18:36,615 --> 00:18:37,882
They also make wipes!
422
00:18:37,950 --> 00:18:39,411
They're not known
for their wipes.
423
00:18:39,435 --> 00:18:41,179
Peter, you don't have
to jump off a cliff
424
00:18:41,203 --> 00:18:42,370
to prove you're sorry.
425
00:18:42,438 --> 00:18:44,350
Not all of us believe that,
but we took a vote
426
00:18:44,374 --> 00:18:46,457
and I agreed
I'd respect the majority.
427
00:18:46,525 --> 00:18:48,103
Look, you really
treated us badly,
428
00:18:48,127 --> 00:18:49,371
but the fact
that you'd be willing
429
00:18:49,395 --> 00:18:50,828
to literally risk your life
430
00:18:50,896 --> 00:18:53,064
just to show us
how much you care,
431
00:18:53,132 --> 00:18:54,882
well, that says a lot.
432
00:18:55,635 --> 00:18:58,236
Listen, I'm so sorry.
433
00:18:58,304 --> 00:19:01,383
If being cool means
I don't get to hang out
with you guys,
434
00:19:01,407 --> 00:19:03,541
then I don't ever
want to be cool.
435
00:19:03,610 --> 00:19:07,111
What do you say? Can we just
go back to being friends?
436
00:19:07,180 --> 00:19:08,791
- Of course.
- You bet.
437
00:19:08,815 --> 00:19:09,930
Totes McGoats.
438
00:19:09,999 --> 00:19:11,999
"Totes McGoats?"
439
00:19:12,067 --> 00:19:14,152
Maybe you guys are cool.
Fist bump.
440
00:19:14,220 --> 00:19:16,086
Ah, crap!
441
00:19:16,155 --> 00:19:17,532
- Oh, my God!
- Peter!
442
00:19:17,556 --> 00:19:19,168
Should I shoot him,
make it go quicker?
443
00:19:19,192 --> 00:19:20,557
I got a shot.
444
00:19:20,626 --> 00:19:22,287
Too late. You didn't
answer quick enough.
445
00:19:32,805 --> 00:19:34,565
Hey, I'm doing it.
446
00:19:34,606 --> 00:19:36,474
This ain't so hard.
447
00:19:36,542 --> 00:19:38,075
Guys, I'm gonna do it!
448
00:19:38,144 --> 00:19:39,960
I'm gonna thread the needle!
449
00:19:40,028 --> 00:19:41,773
What? We can't hear you!
450
00:19:41,797 --> 00:19:43,598
We're very far away!
451
00:19:48,471 --> 00:19:50,337
Oh, my God, I did it!
452
00:19:50,406 --> 00:19:51,750
I was actually able
to thread the...
453
00:19:51,774 --> 00:19:53,390
Oh, crap, Canadian goose.
454
00:19:53,459 --> 00:19:54,459
Look out, eh?
455
00:19:57,613 --> 00:19:59,930
Oh! Damn it! Ah!
Son of a bitch!
456
00:20:06,889 --> 00:20:08,455
I think I'm okay.
457
00:20:08,524 --> 00:20:09,790
Ah, nickels!
458
00:20:14,847 --> 00:20:16,859
Well, it's good
to be back, you guys.
459
00:20:16,883 --> 00:20:19,250
And I'm sorry again
I dumped you for Stryker.
460
00:20:19,318 --> 00:20:21,696
Who the hell
is this Stryker guy
you keep talking about?
461
00:20:21,720 --> 00:20:24,733
What do you mean?
He's that cool, handsome guy
I was friends with.
462
00:20:24,757 --> 00:20:27,374
He's the whole reason I went
wingsuiting and hurt my head.
463
00:20:27,443 --> 00:20:28,609
Wingsuiting?
464
00:20:28,678 --> 00:20:31,244
Peter, you hurt your head
in a ladies' bathroom.
465
00:20:31,314 --> 00:20:33,858
Yeah, your legs fell asleep
and you bashed it
against a sink.
466
00:20:33,882 --> 00:20:35,561
You were in a coma
for two weeks.
467
00:20:35,585 --> 00:20:38,318
You must've dreamed about
this Stryker or something.
468
00:20:38,387 --> 00:20:39,720
No, we were buddies.
469
00:20:39,789 --> 00:20:41,321
We rode on his motorcycle.
470
00:20:41,390 --> 00:20:44,291
And he introduced me
to 1997 George Clooney.
471
00:20:44,359 --> 00:20:47,105
Okay, well, right there
you should've known
it wasn't real.
472
00:20:47,129 --> 00:20:48,395
Huh.
473
00:20:48,463 --> 00:20:50,241
Well, whether it was
real or not,
474
00:20:50,265 --> 00:20:53,801
I want you to know
you are the best friends
I've ever had.
475
00:20:53,869 --> 00:20:55,335
Of course we know that, Peter.
476
00:20:55,404 --> 00:20:57,216
Yeah, and we feel the same way.
477
00:20:57,240 --> 00:20:59,118
Hey, this is
a really weird question,
478
00:20:59,142 --> 00:21:02,192
but do you boys
want to go out dancing?
479
00:21:02,244 --> 00:21:03,655
That night,
480
00:21:03,679 --> 00:21:05,574
we danced until the sun came up.
481
00:21:05,598 --> 00:21:07,365
We forgot all about my coma
482
00:21:07,433 --> 00:21:09,750
and my crazy dream
about a cool guy.
483
00:21:09,818 --> 00:21:11,985
We were just
four middle-aged men
484
00:21:12,054 --> 00:21:14,338
doing Ecstasy at a Mexican prom.
485
00:21:14,407 --> 00:21:16,723
I'm Peter Griffin,
and these are my stories.
35799
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