All language subtitles for Gomer Pyle U S M C S05E04 The Return of Monroe 1080p BluRay FLAC2 0 H 264-BTN_track5_[eng]

[marching band plays]

[male announcer] Gomer Pyle - USMC.

Starring Jim Nabors as Gomer Pyle.

Also starring Frank Sutton
as Sergeant Carter.

How about it, Lou-Ann?
There's still some more egg foo yung.

Oh, my goodness. No, Gomer. I'm full.

I just love Chinese cooking,
that and southern.

I sure would hate to decide
between moo goo gai pan and fried chicken.

Here. See what your fortune cookie said.

- [giggling]
- Something good?

Oh, it's silly.

What's it say?

Well, it's silly, Gomer.

It's just plain old silly.

Well, sometimes they're not so silly.

Sometimes it's amazing how close
they come to your actual life.

Let me see it.

"You and your loved one are about to make
the decision of a lifetime."

Isn't that silly?

Well...

- I... I guess this one is kind of silly.
- What?

I mean, well, we both decided
that we'd make that decision

after I got out of the Marine Corps.

That's the reason it's kind of silly.

Well, don't you think it's just as silly
not to talk about something

that we're gonna talk about anyhow?

Golly, Lou-Ann,
you know how I feel about you.

And making that kind of decision

would mean that you'd have to give up
your freedom, and...

I... I just don't think that's fair.

Are you saying that you want me
to go out and date other fellas?

Well, no, Lou-Ann.

It's just that I don't think it's fair
to ask you not to.

I see.

Hey, how about if I read
my fortune cookie to you?

"A wise man keeps his ears open
and his mouth shut."

Isn't that silly?

[phone rings]

Hello?

[Monroe on phone] Hey, baby. Is that you?

Monroe?

Acka-lacka, gee. Acka-lacka, Joe.

Carolina Aggies, go, go, go!

Where are you?

I mean, where are you calling from?

Right here in town.
I just got in for a convention

and the first thing I said to myself was,

"I better give old Lou-Ann a call
or she just won't forgive me."

Well, that's very nice.

It's Monroe Eff ord!

He's right here in town.

Excuse me, Monroe. What were you saying?

I said, where you been?
I thought you got home at six.

Well, yes. But I had a date.

Well, listen, I'd sure like to see you,
maybe tomorrow night.

Oh... tomorrow night?

Well, actually, I'm not quite sure.

Could I telephone you?

Yes.

Oh, you're staying
at the Millard Fillmore Hotel?

Room 325.

All right.

And Monroe, thank you for calling me.

Lou-Ann, are you gonna see him?

Do you want me not to see him?

Well, I can't stop you from seeing him,
if you want to.

Well, I didn't say I want to see him.

I want to know
whether you want me not to see him.

Well, it's like I said in the restaurant.

I don't think it's fair of me
to ask you not to see him.

I was just hoping you'd want not see him,

least as much as I want you
not to want to see him.

Gomer, since you're not asking me
not to see him

and since you seem to be so very anxious
for me to have my freedom,

it appears that you have left the decision
entirely up to me.

Well, hey, Lou-Ann.

The store is closed.

Well, I didn't come to buy nothing.

Well, then, why did you come?

Well, it's Friday night.

So?

Well, we do have a standing date.

Oh, do we?

Hi there. Anybody home?

Well, hey, Monroe.

Man, oh, man, if you don't look
young as ever and twice as pretty.

Monroe, you do remember Gomer, don't you?

The pride of the Marines?
How could I forget? Hi, buddy.

- Hey, Monroe.
- Well, how are we doing this now?

- Am I taking us all out to dinner?
- Well, that would be...

As a matter of fact,
Gomer has to get back to the base.

He just stopped in to say hey is all.

Oh, well, maybe next time.

Good night, Gomer.

Good night.

[Monroe] Boy, if you aren't
a sight for sore eyes!

Pyle, I thought you picked up your pass
to go into town.

Oh, well, I did, Sergeant.

But... well, I come back early.

What are you doing, Pyle?

Oh, I was just writing a letter.

You need a dictionary to write a letter?

What's that you got underlined there?

"Dilemma."

You got a dilemma?

Well, kind of.

So who are you writing to? Let me see.

You're writing a letter to Dear Abby?

Boy, Pyle, you know what this is?

This is a slap in the face.

You got me, a sergeant who's been with you
since you came in the Marine Corps,

who taught you everything you know.

Yet you'd rather go to a stranger
on a newspaper, Dear Abby.

You'd rather discuss your problem
with Abby.

You don't even know her last name,

but you'd rather talk to her
than your friendly sergeant.

Pyle, what do you think I'm here for?

Well, I just didn't want
to bother you, Sergeant.

Pyle, until you leave the Marine Corps,

until you leave my command,

I am your mama, your papa,

your big brother, and your Dear Abby.

Now, what's your dilemma?
Go ahead. Tell me your dilemma.

Are you sure you want to hear it,
Sergeant?

Sure. Come on, Pyle.

Tell Sergeant Abby.

All right.

You see, it all started the other night

when Lou-Ann and me was having dinner
at this Chinese restaurant.

And well, here,
I'll just read you what I've got so far.

"Dear Abby, we was just finishing
our dinner at this Chinese restaurant.

Well, actually, we didn't finish it.

But we was down to the fortune cookies.

And that's what really
started the whole thing.

Lou-Ann's fortune
said something about a loved one

making a decision of a lifetime.

And we began talking about that.

And we had promised
we wouldn't talk about that

at least until after I finished my hitch
in the Marines.

And I just naturally had to tell Lou-Ann

exactly how I feel about her freedom
and ask her to give up her freedom,

which isn't exactly fair.

And seeing how
I haven't made up my mind yet

about staying in the Marine Corps,

I feel it would be very unfair..."

[snoring]

Yeah. You'd hardly recognize
the old town, Lou-Ann.

Supermarkets all over the place,
and parking meters.

Town's just loaded with supermarkets
and parking meters.

- Oh, really?
- Yeah, Lou-Ann.

The town's really grown.
They even got two I a under ettes. Two!

Well, can you imagine that?

Doggone it, Lou-Ann,
aren't you ever coming back, really?

I don't see anything happening
between you and Gomer.

I beg your pardon?

I mean, are you two planning on getting
married? I was under the impression...

Well, that is a decision
that we have not made as yet.

Aren't you and Gomer engaged?

Let's just say
that we have an understanding.

But you haven't set the date yet?

No. Now, if you will excuse me,
Monroe, it is late.

Thank you for a lovely evening.

- Sure.
- Goodnight.

Goodnight, Lou-Ann.

- Excuse me, Sergeant. Is this Company B?
- That's right.

Well, then, maybe you could tell me
where I could find PFC Gomer Pyle.

Pyle? Yeah.
He's right around this barracks.

Much obliged, Sergeant.

Hi, Gomer.

Well, hey, Monroe.

I sure didn't expect to see you here.

Well, I wasn't planning
on dropping by either,

until last night, that is.

Huh?

You got a minute?

I guess.

Listen, Gomer,

I figure it was only fair
to come and talk this thing out.

I mean, I'd sure appreciate it
if someone did that for me.

What are you talking about?

Gomer, I don't know
how it happened, but it did.

Call it fate.
Call it love at second sight if you want.

Of course, that wouldn't be exactly right,

seeing as how I never gave up
in the first place.

I don't know.
Maybe it was just plain luck.

Hey, you want to see something?

This is the very ring I was hoping to give
Lou-Ann a year ago, the very one.

I never returned it.
I kept putting it off and putting it off,

just praying Lou-Ann
would see the light sooner or later.

And son of a gun, was I right?

- [chuckles]
- About what?

About Lou-Ann and me.

And I wanted you to be the first to know,
that and save Lou-Ann the embarrassment.

I figured us talking man-to-man

would make it a whole lot easier
on everybody.

Save her the trouble of writing you
one of those Dear John letters.

Yeah.

Well, I got to be buzzing off.

So long, Gomer. See you around, huh?

Thanks a lot, Sarge.

Hey, Pyle, who was that?

Huh? Oh, well, that was Monroe Eff ord.

He used to be engaged to Lou-Ann.

So? What's that to you?

Well, that's what he came to tell me,
that he was again,

engaged to Lou-Ann.

So it's all over between you and Lou-Ann?

Well, I don't know, Sergeant.

Why, I even had a date
with her for tonight.

You had a date with her tonight
and this guy just walks in and takes over?

Sure looks that way.

Go figure women.

Well, that's what makes horse races.

At least you got one consolation.

She didn't leave you
for some ugly little shrimp.

But losing out
to a big, good-looking guy like that...

Face it, Pyle, there was no contest.

I suppose.

So what are you gonna do?
You gonna mope around?

Well, I do feel strange, Sergeant.

You feel like you want
to crawl off in a corner somewhere?

I sure do.

Well, that's the worst thing for you.
Come with me.

Where are we going, Sergeant?
What are we gonna do?

You'll see, Pyle. You'll see.

Inside.

Sergeant Carter, what are you gonna do?

Pyle, just stand there and wait.
I'll explain it to you in a minute.

- But Sergeant, can't you at least...?
- Shh.

Hello. Gladys?

Bingo. You hit the nail on the head.

Right. Vince Carter.

Hello? Hello?

Gladys, wait.

Boy, is she crude.

Anything I can't stand, it's a crude dame.

Sergeant, can't you at least tell me...?

Pyle, I'll explain in a minute.
Just hold it.

Yeah.

[chuckles]

Sergeant Carter,
if it's all the same to you,

I think
I'll just get on back to my detail.

You just stay right there, Pyle.

Hello. Natalie?

Guess who it this is?

No.

No.

Wrong again.

It's Vince.

Vince Carter.

C-A-R... Yeah, right.

With the butch cut and the dimples.
How you doing?

Say, listen, you used to be pretty good
at cheering up an unhappy Marine.

No, not me this time.

No.

Natalie, I promise it's not me.

- It's one of my men.
- I...

- Pyle, hold it. What'd you say, Natalie?
- But...

Pyle, will you shut up until I'm done?

Yeah, Natalie.

I got this man
who could use a little cheering up

from a friend of the opposite sex.

And let's face it, doll,
you're about as opposite as they come.

Anyway, about this guy.

Well, he's kind of on the rebound.

Oh, he's kind of tall, average weight,
better than average smile.

Oh, and he just got paid Tuesday.

Attagirl!

You always were a patriotic kid
when the chips were down.

Right. Right.

I'll tell him to pick you up
around 8:00-ish.

Good. And thanks, Natalie.

Bye.

Sergeant Carter, I don't want to go out.
I really don't.

Pyle, I'm not doing this
out of the goodness of my heart.

I'm protecting myself against having a man
moping around on the job all day.

Now, this cure has worked before
and it'll work now.

- But Sergeant...
- And I'll tell you something else.

You owe it to yourself
and your pride as a man

to go out and forget
a dame who jilted you.

But Sergeant, I don't want to go out.
I really don't feel like it.

Pyle, you're not gonna
make a jerk out of me.

Now, you just heard me make a date
with a dame for you.

You want me to call her back and cancel?

Yes, sir,
because I really don't want to go.

Well, you're going, Pyle.

- But Sergeant...
- You're going, Pyle.

- But Sergeant...
- Pyle, you are gonna go out tonight

and live it up and enjoy yourself.
And that's an order!

- Hi, sugar.
- Monroe.

In the flesh.

With flowers for a flower
and sweets for the sweetest.

Well, thank you.

But I don't understand.

I thought you knew
that I had a date with Gomer tonight.

You do? Well, now, that's funny.

- I just saw Gomer today.
- Where did you see him?

Oh, I ran into him this afternoon.

And I just mentioned
I'd probably be seeing you tonight.

Well, what did he say?

Nothing.

That's why I assumed you were free.

- Gomer said nothing?
- That's right.

Say, you know something about that Gomer?

He's a real gentleman.

Oh. Excuse me, Monroe.
I want to put these flowers in some water.

Why don't you just come right over here
and turn on the television?

Hey, that's right.
There's a good fight on.

Come on, Conroy. Good! Good!
You're killing him, Conroy!

[announcer on TV] He's hurt. Conroy's down.

He's down. This looks like it.

Conroy's being counted out.

The dummy. I told you. I told you!

- [phone ringing]
- Oh, for Pete's sake.

Bum.

Company B, Sergeant Carter here.

Oh, hello, Sergeant Carter.

This is Lou-Ann Poovie.

Hmm?

Oh.

Hello, Lou-Ann. What can I do for you?

Well, actually,
I was just wondering if Gomer's there.

Pyle?

Just a minute.
Let me look at my pass list.

Oh, yeah. Here we are.

No. Pyle picked up his pass
a good hour ago.

Oh. Well, do you have any idea
where he went?

I do seem to remember him
talking to a friend

about meeting him downtown somewhere.

Oh, yes.

I remember now. The Paradise Club.

The Paradise Club?

At least that's what he told her.

Her?

Oh, Lou-Ann,
I'm afraid I put my foot in it.

Oh, no, Sergeant Carter.

It's perfectly all right.

Well, I'm sorry if I told you
something I wasn't supposed to.

You know, about the Paradise Club.

No. It's quite all right.

Goodbye, Sergeant Carter.

[announcer on TV] Next week, tune in again for...

Well, what would you like to do?

Oh...

Monroe, if you don't have any place
special in mind,

I have a suggestion.

Sure, baby. What?

[groovy music playing]

Before your friend Sergeant Carter
got hung up on this Bunny friend of his,

we used have
some really great times together.

And what a sense of humor.

Let me tell you, every time
he used to pick me up at my apartment,

he used to drag his foot
all the way down the hall, like...

like out of one of them horror movies.

Isn't that too much?

I mean, for a Sergeant,
he was really funny.

[laughing] Oh, boy.

You sure don't talk much, do you, honey?

What, ma'am?

You're still with the "ma'am", huh?

It's Natalie. Natalie.

I'm sorry.

I guess I just wasn't thinking... Natalie.

Here you go, old pal, old buddy.
Now, bring us two of your best drinks.

My, my.

This is some wild place.

You come here often?

What?

Oh, no.

Just now and then.

Naturally, I don't begrudge
Vince Carter anything.

I mean, if he wants to go out with
one of those brassy dames,

I say all the more power to him.

But for instance, tonight, I mean,
he wanted me to do him a favor.

So I said, "Sure." You know what I mean.

What's the matter?
Are you having trouble getting the waiter?

Hey, Charlie, will you come over here
when you get a minute?

I think I'll just go check
the powder room.

Why don't you order me a beer, that is
if you don't mind sparing a few words.

Yes, ma'am.

Natalie.

Terrific. You're really making headway.

Hey, Lou-Ann, I don't know
exactly how to say this,

not being as smooth with words
as I am with a football, but...

If you'll excuse me, Monroe.

If you don't mind,
I just got this terrible feeling

that my lipstick's on crooked.

I'll be right back.

Sure thing. What I got in store'll keep.

Excuse me.

Be my guest.

Oh, I don't mean to be forward
or anything,

but about that Marine you're with,
what's his name?

Why?

Oh, nothing.

It's just that, well,
he looked so familiar,

a whole lot like somebody I know.

Tortured.
That's what he looks like, tortured.

Oh... What do you mean?

Oh, it's a long, dull story.
I'm sure you don't want to hear it.

Well, what is it?

Well, I don't even know this guy.

I'm just sitting home alone
minding my own business

when who should call
but this guy's sergeant.

I mean, he's an old friend, right?
So I'll do him a favor.

His buddy needs cheering up.
So I'll go out with him.

You know how it is.
I don't know this guy from Adam.

But I figure, maybe I'll get lucky.

Some lucky!

Thousands of Marines on this base

and I happen to get a guy
whose one big talent in life

is blinking, blinking and staring.

And you know why? Because he's torching.

That's why.

I mean, some dame threw him over
and he's wearing his heart on his sleeve.

He just sits there like a glump
with those big calf eyes of his,

just blinking and sta...

You know something, sister?

You're pretty nosy.

Come on, Gomer. Let's dance.

- I really don't feel like it.
- Oh, come on.

[groovy music playing]

Now, promise me you won't faint.

Well, hang on to your eye teeth.
Here it comes.

Oh, Monroe, let's dance first.

Boy, Lou-Ann, you sure know
how to build up the suspense.

I'll give you that.

Hey, yeah. Now, that's what I call a beat.

Go, go, go!

Gomer Pyle, you just ought
to be ashamed of yourself.

I'm sure sorry to be here
with that other lady.

But it really wasn't my idea.

And besides,
I didn't want to stand in the way.

Monroe made it pretty clear.

Made what pretty clear?
What are you talking about?

He even showed me the ring.

Do you mean to say that Monroe
told you that we were engaged?

You mean you aren't?

Oh, what a horrible man he is!

And what a horrible man you are
for believing him!

You mean, you wasn't gonna write me
a Dear John letter?

Gomer.

Excuse me, Lou-Ann.

- Monroe.
- Hey, Gomer, old pal. You here too?

Would you step outside?
There's a few words I want to say to you.

- Huh?
- Oh, no, Gomer.

Please, Lou-Ann, just wait right here.

Outside, where it's nice and private,

- considering this is a personal matter.
- Yeah. Sure. After you.

Gomer, what happened to you?
What are you doing anyway?

Gomer, please.

Lou-Ann, just wait right here.

Well, Gomer, where are you going?
What's gonna happen to me?

[she yells]

Now, then, what is it you want, friend?

This ain't private enough.

Step back here in the alley with me.

The reason I wanted complete privacy
is I've got a score to settle with you.

And this is the only way
I know how to handle it.

Shame, shame, shame,

telling two different stories
and causing all that unhappiness.

That was downright deceitful,
you, Monroe Eff ord.

But I'll tell you one thing.
Lou-Ann's my girl,

and we're about to make
the decision of a lifetime.

- Oh, Gomer!
- Oh, my gosh.

Lou-Ann?

Well, I'm sorry you had to see this.
I really am sorry.

Oh, Gomer, I'm not.

I'm just so sorry that I interrupted you.

Please go on.

Like I was saying, we're about to make
the decision of a lifetime.

We don't exactly know when and how.
But we are gonna do it.

And until then,
we don't want any outside interference

from you or anybody else.

Hey, Sergeant. You wasn't in bed, was you?

No, I was just getting ready. What's up?
How'd everything turn out with Natalie?

That's what I came by here to tell you.
It couldn't have turned out better.

Oh, yeah?

See, you just listen
to your old sergeant every time.

That was a great suggestion
I made, wasn't it?

- Well, Sergeant, the fact is...
- And you didn't want to go.

I know about these things, Pyle.
I've been around, you know?

- Sergeant, I think I better tell you...
- Great little kid, that Natalie.

There's just one word for her, dependable.

She is the most obliging,
the nicest, most terrific dame...

[phone rings]

Who could be calling this time of night?

Company B, Sergeant Carter.

Hello, Vince.

Guess who?

Natalie.
I was just this second talking about you.

- Were your ears burning?
- No.

My ears weren't burning.

But yours will be if I ever see you again,

and so will your face
and your hair and everything,

'cause I'm gonna set fire to you, Vince.

What are you talking about?
What's the matter?

Listen, you fathead, don't you ever
get me a blind date again.

In fact, don't you ever call me again.

But Natalie...

If I go out with someone, I don't expect
to get stood up for someone else.

Pyle?

...my entire life.
I mean, you set me up...

Pyle!

Pyle!

Pyle! Pyle!

[Natalie continues ranting over phone]