All language subtitles for Gomer Pyle U S M C S04E21 Gomer and the Queen of Burlesque 1080p BluRay FLAC2 0 H 264-BTN_track5_[eng]

[marching band playing]

[male announcer] Gomer Pyle - USMC.

Starring Jim Nabors as Gomer Pyle.

Also starring Frank Sutton
as Sergeant Carter.

Have a nice evening, Sergeant.

Hey, Pyle, where are
you headed for tonight?

Well I thought I'd
go over to the YMCA.

They're having a
glassblowing demonstration.

It sounds like a don't miss.

Sure does.

What are you
fellers going to do?

Ah, we don't know.

It's a toss up between a slide
lecture on Indian pottery

and an organ recital
at town hall.

So we thought we'd go get a few beers
and decide, even if it took us all night.

Hey, fellas, how about a
quarter for a bowl of soup?

Aw, come on. I ain't had nothing to eat
in a couple of days.

- What do you say?
- No, no.

Here you go, Mr.

Oh, bless you, son.

Thank you very much.

Thank you.

I'm glad there is a few kind
people left in this world.

Poor feller.

You're the patsy of all time.
You know that, Pyle?

Huh?

Do you really think he's going to go buy
a bowl of soup with your quarter?

That's what he said.

Sure that's what he said,
and right now, he's on his way

to a store to buy a
bottle of muscatel.

He's a drunky, Pyle, a wino.

The only soup he drinks
comes in shot glasses.

Don't you know that?

Well no.

If a man tells me he's hungry
and wants a bowl of soup,

I've got to believe him.

Do you believe everything
people tell you, Pyle?

I try to.

People don't usually
go around telling lies.

In other words, you're a believer.
You've got the faith, right?

You might say.

Pyle, you're beautiful.

Well, I'll see you.

♪♪

[crowd cheers]

[chatter]

[whistling]

You know, I was just
thinking about Pyle.

Pyle, at a time like this?

Yeah, I'd like to get Pyle
together with Lila, up there.

Huh?

I'd like to introduce
her as a schoolteacher.

What are you talking about?

Well, you know how
Pyle has such faith.

I'd like to put it to
the test and introduce

her as a schoolteacher.

Now it'd be for his own good,
wise him up a little bit.

And maybe we'd get a few laughs.

You want me to do what?

Look, Lila, it's only
for a couple of dates.

We thought it would be a funny gag
if you went out with this Gomer Pyle.

Now see, he doesn't
know who you are.

So after you spend
some time together,

we'd bring him down here and
he could see what you do.

Funny, huh?

Hysterical, except
for one little hang up.

I don't dig practical jokes.

Now beat it, fellas.
I have to get ready for my next show.

Oh, come on, Lila.
We're big fans of yours.

We're here all the time.

Sure, honey, it's just a small favor.
It'll be good for a few kicks.

You would only go out with him twice.
That's all there is to it.

What do you say,
huh, Lila, please?

Well, since you are
fans of mine, I'll do it.

You hear that, Jensen.
She'll do it.

For $50.

Fifty bucks?

Right.

I don't know, Sarge, 50 clams
is a lot of money for a gag.

Yeah, but look at
it this way, Jensen.

You're helping to
educate a fellow Marine.

And won't it be worth it
to get a look at his kisser

when he graduates?

♪♪

I still think
you should have worn something

a little more conservative.

How am I going to sell Pyle on you
being a schoolteacher in that outfit?

Look, you're only
paying me 50 bucks.

For that, I don't go out
and buy a new wardrobe.

Okay. Okay.

He's not here yet.
We'll have to wait.

This is our rec hall.

I'm thrilled.

Would you care to sit
down over here and wait?

Can I get you anything,
a bottle of pop, an ice cream bar?

Please, I'm nauseous
enough from the fresh air.

Hey, It's real nice
of you to ask, Corporal,

but I don't think I should
stop and play ping-pong

- when I hadn't aired out my mattress.
- Well, you can do that later.

Forget work right now. Come on.
We'll get in the next game.

Hey, look who's here.

Hiya, Sarge.

Hey, Jensen.
Hiya, Pyle.

Nice to see you again, Sir.

Yeah, well I'd like you
to meet my cousin, Lila,

who is visiting from out of town.

Lila, this is Ron Jensen and Gomer Pyle.

- Pleased to meet you.
- Pleasure, ma'am.

Lila is down from
Seattle for the weekend.

Oh, well I sure hope
you have a nice visit.

Yeah, well she just wanted to
get away from work for awhile

and little change of scene.
She's a schoolteacher.

A schoolteacher.
Well ain't that interesting.

What grade do you teach?

- Grade? Fifth.
- Fourth.

It's a split class.

Oh, that's a wonderful age.

It must be a real gratifying
to teach youngsters like that.

Yeah, it's a blast.
I mean, it's very nice.

Well, it's sure nice
to meet you, ma'am.

I hope you have
a real nice time.

Oh, Pyle, wait a minute.

Are you doing anything
special tonight?

Tonight?
No, I don't have any plans.

Well maybe you
could do me a favor.

You see, I got some paperwork
for tonight, so I can't entertain Lila.

And I was wondering if
you could take her out?

Golly, I don't know.

Well, you see she doesn't
know anybody down here.

And I'd just hate to think of her
spending Saturday night all alone.

No that wouldn't be
very much fun, especially

being away from home.

All right, Miss Lila, I'll be
happy to escort you tonight.

- Thanks.
- Would a movie be all right?

A movie, I suppose--

Well as long as I'm back at
my place by 10:00 o'clock.

You know I have to be back
at my place by 10 o'clock.

Yeah, that's schoolteacher's.

You know the hours they keep.

That sure was an enjoyable
picture, wasn't it, Miss Lila?

It was a real winner.

Don't you just love
pictures about dogs?

- Yeah.
- You want to know something, Miss Lila--

And I hope you won't repeat this--

But you remember the part near
the waterfall, where the boy

thought that the dog
was dead,

after he had pulled in the canoe
with the children in it?

Well I started to well up.

I was just about to cry.

It did, huh?

Did it make you
want to cry too?

Well I wanted to cry from the
time I walked into the theater.

Hey, wait a minute.

- Don't I know you?
- Are you speaking to me, sir?

Not you dodo. Her.

Sure, sure. I've seen you.

You're the girl, the veils, huh?

Come on, Gomer.

All the nerve.

I never saw that man
before in my life.

Well, you know
what they always say.

Everybody in the world
has their double,

and you probably look
like a person he knows.

Gomer, I could
really go for a drink.

- Would you mind?
- A drink, well sure.

Why didn't you say so?

♪♪

I'm sure glad you
thought of this, Miss Lila.

These are really refreshing.

Yeah, I haven't had a
drink like this in years.

That's because they make
their own ice cream here

and they use two scoops.

- Would you like another?
- No. Thank you.

One's my limit.

Would you look at that time?
Gomer, I've got to go.

- Well I'll see you home.
- Oh no.

No, I'll get a cab.

We have to do this
again, you know?

Ma'am?

I mean, I had
such a nice time.

And tomorrow is
my last day here.

So we have to do it again.

Oh well, fine.
How about tomorrow afternoon?

Afternoon?

Well, not too early.

Just leave it to me.

I'll plan a little tour of
all the historical sites,

and I'll explain it to you.

Ain't that something?

You're the schoolteacher,
and I'll be explaining things to you.

Ain't that funny?

Hey, Pyle.

Hi, Sergeant, Corporal.

I was just waiting up to thank you
for taking out my cousin again.

- Did you two have a nice time?
- We sure did.

We went to see this dog picture
that just about had us both in tears.

And then we went and had
double scoop ice cream sodas.

Double scoop sodas, is that
the way to top off an evening?

And I'm taking her
out again tomorrow,

- if it's all right with you?
- Are you kidding?

I couldn't put her in safer hands.
What are you going to do?

Well, this is really going
come as a big surprise to her.

But I thought I'd take her to
see the county flower show,

and then we'd hike up
and see the old mission.

Do you think she'll like that?

Well, goodnight.

[laughing]

♪♪

I sure hope you enjoy
the show, Miss Lila.

You know it ain't everybody
who enjoys looking at flowers.

I'm sure it's going
to be very exciting.

A person could have a real
wild time in a place like this.

[yawning]

Are you sleepy, Miss Lila?

I didn't get to bed until four.

Four? But you left at 9:30.

What did you do,
stay up and watch TV?

Uh, yeah, I fell
asleep watching

the educational channel.

- Well would you look at that?
- What?

Snapdragons.

Snapdragons, I can
hardly believe they're

blooming this time of year.

Really?

And look at these hibiscus.

And looky over
there, nasturtiums.

I knew I should've brought
my camera. Ain't it exciting?

Do you always get that
excited about flowers?

I sure do. Most people
take flowers for granted,

but I just can't get
over the wonder of them.

Just think of it, these
are living things.

Not too long ago,
they was just seeds.

And now look at them, they're
all sizes, shapes, and colors

and-- oh my goodness, they've
got everything here today.

Here's some dogwood.

My, my, that sure does
bring back memories.

My fourth grade teacher,
Miss Moran, she'd

have a sprig of
dogwood on her desk,

kept it right there by
the pencil sharpener.

- Really?
- So now, every time it comes springtime,

I always think of Miss
Moran and her dogwood.

What do you keep on your desk?

Oh, uh, daffodils, daffodils.

Daffodils, always a favorite.

What variety?

Hm?

The golden trumpet or the King Alf reds?
Wait a minute. Don't tell me.

Don't tell me.
I'll bet you had the King Alf reds.

- Yes, the Alf reds.
- I knew it. I just knew it.

Most people prefer them
because they're bigger

and they stay in bloom longer.

Oh, excuse me a
minute, Miss Lila.

I'll be right back.

[yawning]

Here, Miss Lila, this is for you.

Gomer, you didn't
have to do that.

Well, no, but anybody that
likes flowers as much as you do

should have some.

Here, I'll pin them on for you.

♪♪

People just don't realize how
fascinating an old mission can be

all the color and the history.

This mission here dates
all the way back to 1785.

It always gives me
kind of funny feeling

that I might be standing
in the exact spot

that Father Serra stood in.

Who?

Father Junipero Serra,
he was the Franciscan monk

who founded this mission
along with eight others just like him.

Just imagine, a man
like that devoting

his whole life to bringing civilization
to the Indians.

He taught them farming
and how to raise

livestock and carpentry.

Hey, Father.

Well, Gomer, it's
good to see you.

How have you been?

I've been fine, Father.

Oh, by the way, I'd like you to
meet Miss St. Clair,

a friend of mine from out of town.

Oh, well, welcome to our
mission, Miss St. Clair.

We're always pleased to
have out of town visitors.

I thought she'd find
the mission interesting.

You see, she's a school teacher.

Oh, teacher, that's nice.

I would like to escort
you around personally.

The fact is, Gomer knows
the mission as well as I do.

It's nice meeting
you Miss St. Clair.

Oh and uh, here's a little
souvenir of our mission.

Thank you, Father.

That's one of those cards with the monk's
thought for the day on it.

What's it say?

"May you be in heaven a
half hour before the devil

knows you're dead."

Oh, that's nice.

[bells ringing]

That's the bell from
the mission chapel.

It sure does sound
pretty, doesn't it?

Yeah.

It's really nice,
sitting on a shady bench

and watching the sun shine
down through the trees,

listening to the bell toll.

It's really peaceful.

You know, there's a spot
like this back in Des Moines.

That's where I was raised.

It's a beautiful park with
a stream running through it.

I used to stand for hours on
this little wooden bridge,

just stare at the water.

Kind of gave me a chance
to think about things.

Funny, I haven't thought about
that little wooden bridge

in I don't know how long.

Everyone should have a place
they can go to by theirs elves

- to think things out.
- I think you're right.

You know something, Gomer.

I had a nice day, really.

Oh, thank you, Miss Lila.

I've had a real nice day too.

♪♪

Hey, Pyle.

Pyle, we've been looking
all over for you.

- Hi, Sergeant, Corporal.
- I was just on the phone to my cousin.

She wants to go out
with you tonight.

Well, she's supposed to
be leaving for home tonight.

Yeah, well, she wants one
of those final farewells.

You know how women are.

Oh wait, here's the address
where she wants you to meet her.

It's one of those little
out of the way restaurants.

750 Warf Street?

Isn't that that street where
them bars and honky Tonks are?

Yeah, there might be a
couple of those dives there.

But this is strictly
a class place.

Right, Ron?

- First rate, favorite of the gourmets.
- Well wouldn't you know it?

Takes an out of
town, like Miss Lila,

to know where the
good places are.

You know what? I think I'll stop off
and get her a farewell present.

That would be a
very nice gesture.

Well she's a very nice lady.

And thank you very much
for giving me the message.

You know, Jensen, he's
been out with her twice now,

and he still thinks
she's a schoolteacher.

He believes. Oh, he believes.

- ♪♪
- Step right in, folks.

Okay, folks, showtime
is just a few minutes,

plenty of good tables left.

No cover, no minimum.

Come on in, folks.

Pardon me, sir.

I'm not sure I have
the right address.

- Is this 750 Warf Street?
- You've got it, buddy?

Well, golly, it don't look
like much of a restaurant.

Restaurant?
Well, they serve food in there.

But just don't eat it.

Hm?

Listen, buddy, the
reason I'm telling you this

is because I have a
boy in the service.

And I think it's my patriotic
duty to steer you guys right.

Have a couple of
beers, enjoy the show,

but forget about eating.

Well thank you very
much for the advice.

[doorman] Showtime
in a few minutes.

I wonder why she
wanted to meet me here.

[doorman] Plenty of good tables
inside, no cover, no minimum.

♪♪

Anything from the bar?

No thanks, ma'am.
I'm just waiting for a friend.

Hey, Miss Lila. I got your message
from Sergeant Hacker.

I hope I didn't keep you waiting.

Gomer, I've got something
very important to tell you.

- Oh, I already know about it.
- You do?

That the food here is terrible.

Don't worry.
We'll get something later on.

Here's a little
something I picked up.

It's sort of a
little remembrance.

Gomer, listen to me.
I want you to go.

I want you to get out
of here right now.

- What?
- I lied to you.

- I'm not a schoolteacher.
- You're not?

No, I just told you that
so you wouldn't know what I really did.

You see, I work here.

You do?

Oh, I understand.

You're one of
pussycat waitresses,

and you didn't want me to
see you in your costume.

No, you don't understand.

Hey, Lila, come on,
time to get started.

Gomer, please, will you go right now?

- But--
- I'll meet you later.

But right now, just go.

But--

Hey, Pyle.

Sergeant, what
are you doing here?

Is this a coincidence?

This is the place you're supposed
to meet my cousin, Lila.

- Where are you going?
- Well, I was just on my way out.

Just on your way out, but I thought

you were going to meet her here.
Come on, sit down here.

Sergeant Hacker,
I'd like to ask you something

about your cousin, Lila.
Is she all right?

Huh?

Why do you ask that, Pyle?

Well, when I came
in here a while ago--

[drum roll]

Ladies and gentlemen,
once again it is showtime

here at the Persian Pussycat.

And in keeping with
our policy here,

we are bringing you
tonight a star studded

evening of entertainment.

We're proud and happy to
present the loveliest girl

in the world.

And here she is,
that human bombshell,

our stellar attraction,
Miss Lila St. Clair.

[applause]

♪♪

[chatter]

[applause]

[catcalls]

[chatter]

[applause]

♪♪

Hey, Hey, Sarge, how come
we're not laughing.

Shut up, Jensen.

[knocking]

Who is it?

It's me, Miss Lila.

I didn't mean to disturb
you, but, well,

you forgot your present.

It ain't nothing real fancy,
but I hope you like it.

Ain't you going to open it?

Because if you don't like it,
I'll be glad to exchange it.

You see, Gomer?
It was all a gag.

Hacker and his buddy talked me
into going out with you just

so they could bring you
down here tonight and have

themselves a good laugh.

That's all there was to
it, to see how you'd react.

Kind of a long way to
go for a gag, isn't it?

Well, it didn't
really hurt nothing.

After all, something
good came out of it.

If it hadn't been
for this little joke,

you and me never would've
got to meet each other

and ended up friends.

Friends?

Gomer, you made friends
with a schoolteacher

not a burlesque dancer.

Well if that's your
chosen profession,

I don't see anything
wrong with it.

I don't care for that
kind of dancing myself,

but what if it's
your line of work,

you must do it very well
or else you wouldn't

be the star of the show.

Now, open up your present.

I sort of want to
know how you like it.

It's a mission bell.

It's kind of a souvenir
of the day that we spent.

I frankly thought it would
make a nice paper weight

for your school desk, but...

Well, I think it'll look just as nice
on your make up table here.

[knocking]

Who is it?

[Hacker] It's me, Hacker.
Here's your 50 bucks.

♪♪

Hacker, here's your money.
This one is on me.

What are you staring at?

Haven't you ever seen
a mission bell before?

Yeah, yeah, I'll get him.

Hey, Pyle, it's for you.

Huh? Thank you.

Hey, Sarge, it's Lila St. Clair.

You're kidding.

Hello.

Oh, hi, Miss Lila.

Hey, Pyle.
What's up with you and Lila?

Yeah, what's going on?

Well, it's about
her rubber plant.

Her what?

Well, ever since I took
her to that flower show,

she's gotten really
interested in flowers.

So she went out and bought
herself a rubber plant.

And now she thinks
it's got the fungus

and she's just beside herself.

But you want to know
what I think it Is?

I think the soil has
too much alkaline in it.

I wasn't even planning
on going into town.

But you can't turn your back
on a sick plant.