All language subtitles for Gomer Pyle U S M C S03E20 Sue the Pants Off Em 1080p BluRay FLAC2 0 H 264-BTN_track5_[eng]

[marching band plays]

[male announcer] Gomer Pyle - USMC.

Starring Jim Nabors as Gomer Pyle.

Also starring Frank Sutton
as Sergeant Carter.

[music continues]

Come on, Gomer, come on, it's still early.

Look, we hop a bus to Tijuana
for the daily-double at caliente,

grab a taco, then later on tonight,
we take in the Jai Lai games.

- What do you say?
- I don't know, Duke.

That just sounds like
too much running around.

I just feel more like relaxing.

Relaxing? What do you want to do,
feed the pigeons in the park?

No, I didn't bring my breadcrumbs.

What I thought I'd do
is just wander around town here,

do some window shopping,
then go over to the war surplus store.

They're having a sale on some sweat socks.

And then I thought I
may have an orange-slush

and just head on back to camp.

Yeah, that sounds like a real fun day.
Well, you won't change your mind, then?

Oh, no, Duke.
You go ahead and have a real good time.

- I'll see you.
- Okay, Gomer.

- Stay relaxed.
- Oh, I will. I will.

Don't worry about me.

[clamoring]

R-V-5 E! Got it!

The reckless maniac!

All right, all right,
stand back, everybody.

Stand back, give him air!
The boy's been run down!

How bad are you hurt, son?

But I'm not hurt, mister. I just kind of
lost my balance for a second.

Loss of balance?
Let's hope it's not a concussion.

Keep him warm.
He's liable to go into shock.

Somebody send for an ambulance!

Oh, an ambulance?
I don't need an ambulance.

- I'm fine. Really, I am.
- Lie still, son.

My name's Wayne Henshaw.
Lucky for you, I got the license number.

I was eyewitness
to the whole gruesome scene.

That's very nice, Mr. Henshaw,
but I really feel fine.

- Now, I'll just be on my way--
- Don't move, son. Listen to me.

You may have broken bones,
internal injuries.

Why, for all we know,
you should be in the hospital.

A hospital!

Oh, no, Mr. Henshaw.

Believe me, you got it all wrong.
I feel fine.

I wasn't even touched.

Son, will you listen to me?
There are legal implications in this.

Mr. Henshaw, are you a lawyer?

I'm glad you asked me that,
and before I answer it,

let me ask you a few questions.

How do you know you're not hurt, Gomer?
How do you know?

Well, for one thing,
I don't feel any pain. Nothing hurts.

Nothing hurts, he says.

Oh, you Marines, all courage.

Well, I wasn't hurt, Mr. Henshaw,

and I guess that's all that matters
in the long run.

That's all that matters!

A hit-and-run driver is loose,
killing people in the streets,

and you say that's all that matters.

Why don't we find out his name and address
and then I'll drop him a note

and tell him how bad
his driving was today.

And in the future just to
please be more careful.

You-- you want to take a killer
and let him off with a slap on the wrist

and a "naughty-naughty"?

You call that justice? No!

We've got to press charges!

Haul this monster into court.

Make him pay! Sue him!

Mr. Henshaw, I couldn't do that.

There's no sense in being mean.

Thank you for your interest, though, and

I appreciate you inviting me for coffee.

Oh, Pyle, uh, listen,

I, uh, I think I left my wallet
in court this morning,

so if you wouldn't mind

I'll be glad to.
Sure enjoyed your company.

Well, I'll see you.

[knocking on door]

Come in.

Sergeant Carter?

Yeah.

They told me I'd find you here.

Do you have a Private in your outfit
named Pyle? Gomer Pyle?

Yeah, what about him?

How is he?

Huh?

He's fine, I guess.

What's the trouble?

You mean you haven't heard?
He was in an accident!

- Accident?
- Knocked down by a hit-and-run driver.

I saw the whole thing.

Pyle hit by a car? When?
He seemed fine at reveille this morning.

Seemed, eh?

Sergeant,
I'd like to help this Private Pyle.

There are legal aspects to this
you may not be aware of.

Are you an attorney?

I'm glad you asked me that, Sergeant.

Henshaw's the name.

You're a perceptive man.

I was eyewitness to the whole thing.
Saw it all.

You mean to say Pyle didn't report
on sick call?

No.

Well, in a way, that's good.

It'll save Uncle Sam a lot of money.

Huh?

Look, Sergeant, if Pyle went on sick call,
that could mean weeks of tests, X-rays,

that would cost the government
a bundle, right?

Well, what do you suggest we do?

Do!

We're going to move
ahead with our corpus delicti.

Huh?

Sergeant, maybe you can talk
some sense into this Pyle.

Make him press charges.

Throw the book at that hot-rodder maniac!

Oh, boy.

Them knuckleheads
can't even cross a street

if I'm not there to watch over them.

They need me around
every minute of the day,

just to look after them.

Precisely why I have
come to you, Sergeant.

He now needs your intelligent guiding hand
to lead him out of this situation.

Will you help?

Well, okay, Mr. Henshaw.

I'll see Pyle later
and I'll have a talk with him.

Good! I'll leave you my card.
You can get in touch with my office.

Right.

Oh, uh, Sergeant,
you're somewhere in the 30s, aren't you?

Well, yeah, why?

- Have you ever thought of filing a will?
- A will?

Well, think about it. You have my card.

Golly, Duke,
is your back feeling as sore as mine?

What do you expect, Gomer,
digging all those ditches?

Personally, I've always enjoyed
an afternoon of ditch-digging

out in the fresh air
and working with the dirt,

but, boy, it sure got to me this time.

Right there in my back.
Right between my shoulder blades.

Well, that's no wonder, you were
shoveling away like a bulldozer.

What you need is a little manipulating
to get the kinks out.

Here.

Right there?

Uh, no. Down a little bit to the left.

- Over here?
- Yeah, that's it.

[screams]

Pyle. What's the matter?
What's wrong with your back?

Oh, hey, Sergeant.

We was just out digging
and I guess I overdid it.

Digging, huh?

How do you know it
wasn't from the accident?

Accident? What accident?

Yesterday, when you were knocked down
by that hit-and-run driver.

- I know all about it.
- Hit-and-run driver?

Oh, you must've been
talking to that Mr. Henshaw.

Did he come all the way down here?

Gomer, you never said
anything about an accident.

Well, I didn't say anything,
'cause there was nothing to talk about.

I wasn't even hurt.

How do you know you weren't hurt, Pyle?

You could be laid up in the hospital
for the rest of your enlistment,

and you know who gets stuck with the bill?

- Us taxpayers! You call that fair?
- But, Sergeant, I didn't--

And what about that hit-and-run maniac
that's out there racing around?

You going to forgive him?

What are you, Mr. Nice Guy? Private Sweet?

Well, Sergeant--

Pyle, from what this Henshaw tells me,

there could be complications later on.

But, Sergeant,
I wasn't hit and I wasn't hurt.

What about the pain in you back?

Oh, a little heat
will take care of that fine.

You know what I'll think I'll do,
is take a nice long, hot shower.

Then in the morning, I'll be feeling my--

Oh!

That settles it!

We're seeing Henshaw right now!

I was afraid of this, Sergeant.
I was afraid it would show up a day later.

- It is the back, isn't it?
- Yeah.

Where does it hurt, Pyle?

But Mr. Henshaw,
there's really nothing wrong with my back.

- I can move around just as--
- Pyle, I saw you all bent over.

- But, Sergeant, that was from--
- What do you want to do?

Cost Uncle Sam--

Gentlemen! Why are we
wasting time on amateur diagnosis.

Let's get the word of a professional man.

But I don't need--

Pyle, can't you see that this
is for your own good?

Now, if you don't have
brains enough to help yourself,

let somebody else do it for you!

- For crying out loud!
- Right.

Now, why not have my good friend,
Len Purdy have a look at you.

Purdy? Is he a doctor?

I'm glad you asked me that, Sergeant.

I don't really think that I need a doctor.

No, son, a specialist.

And luckily he's just down the hall.

Finest bone man in the country.

But we may,
not be able to get in to see him,

got more patients than he can handle.

But if he knew it was a serviceman,
and a professional courtesy to me

Well, it can't hurt to try.

[ringing]

Hello.

[clears throat]

Doc Purdy here.

Oh, it's you, Wayne.

[yawning] Wayne

What time is the gin game?

Oh, I'm sorry, Doc.

I hate pulling you away
from a patient like this,

but we have a little emergency here.

Oh, really?

Yes, a young serviceman, a Marine,

knocked down by
a speeding car in a crosswalk.

Complains about his back.

[chuckling] You got one of those, huh?

Is it a winner?

Well, that's why we wanted to see you.

You see, he doesn't think it's serious.

Now, before we set
the legal machinery in motion,

we want to be sure we have a valid case.

Yeah, yeah,
I got the picture, Wayne, yeah.

Now, look, before I get involved,
let's discuss settlement, hmm.

Oh, I know how busy you are, Doc,
but if you could just check the boy over,

we'd both be indebted to you.

Indebted like how much?

Let me mention a figure. $500?

Five! Five will be fine.
We'll see you in five minutes.

He'll squeeze us in, as a personal favor.

Come on.

Sergeant, I hate to be a pest,

but why take up a doctor's time
over nothing?

Let's just leave it to
the experts, huh, Pyle?

Let us decide.

Sergeant, look.

Have you noticed the way Pyle is walking?

What?

Yeah, but I think he
always walks that way.

In the Marines?
Oh, that's hard to believe, Sergeant.

No, I think this is more serious
than we thought.

Here we are.

Doc!

Doc!

Why does everybody have to be a hero?

Is it a disgrace to be sick?

Will someone tell me?

Will someone please tell me?

Why, Doc, you look like
you've just come out of surgery.

Yes, I did. Oh, hello.

Hello, Counselor.

A patient of mine came in
for his annual oh, please.

Came in for his annual check-up.

And he said that he's feeling all right
except for perhaps a little heartburn.

You know what
that heartburn turned out to be?

Appendicitis.

And I got it in the nick of time.

But, oh, how I hate these
office operations.

You mean you just
finished operating on a guy?

Where is he?

Well, I stitched him up and sent him home.

Oh, these heroes, these martyrs.

Excuse me, please.

Now, then,
what seems to be troubling you, boy?

Uh, uh, not me, him.

Oh, oh, yes.

Now, then, what is it, boy?

Well, nothing except
for a little crick here in my back,

I'm feeling just fine.

All I can tell you, Doc,

is that I saw this young man knocked down
by a speeding car, that's all I know.

Now, he may be right,
and there may be nothing wrong with him,

but why don't you take it from there?

Ah. In here, boy.

Well, I appreciate your interest and all,
but I really don't need an examination.

Well, if he says he's all right,
he doesn't seem to need me, now does he?

No, no, no, wait, please!

Sergeant, you know how
to get through to him, don't you?

Pyle, stop beating around the bush
and stop stalling and get in there!

Move, move, move, move, move!

Well said, Sergeant.

It is an agonizing pain, isn't it?

Well, no, actually it's not.

You see,
it's really getting better all the time.

Really and truly.

Tell me, boy, did you talk this way
before your accident?

- Yes, sir.
- Hmm.

Hmm.

Now [clears throat]

- Uh-oh! What's this?
- What's what?

This mark on your shoulder.
It looks like a tire mark.

I see the tread.

- What, oh, that's prob--
- Get up, boy.

Get up.

Now, let's try this.

[screams]

[groaning]

Dr. Purdy, I don't mean to criticize
your examination,

but that hurt.

Now walk.

Kind of hurts, doesn't it?

- Yes, it does.
- Yes.

Here, now, take this.

A cane?

- But I don't need a cane.
- Take it, Pyle.

Put on your shirt
and I'll see you outside.

Well, Doc?

Well, it's hard to say without x-rays
but it doesn't look good.

It doesn't?

No, he may possible end in traction.

Traction?

Well, all I know is that I felt this back,
and what I felt didn't feel good.

And what does this mean
in terms of actual costs?

Well, what with X-rays and therapy

hmm I've seen cases like this run up
into the thousands.

Well, Sergeant,
are you glad I came to see you?

That could be taxpayer's money
in a Marine hospital.

What do you think we ought to do about it?

I'll tell you what we'll do about it.

We'll sue the pants off 'em!

[groans]

- Sergeant Carter!
- [Carter] Oh, Mr. Henshaw.

I've got good news, Sergeant, good news!

Yeah? What is it?

I found the hit-and-run driver,
finally tracked him down.

No kidding. Hey, that's great!

Yeah, he tried giving me a run-around,
but I finally got him on the phone.

His name is Clark.
He's at Oceanview Hotel.

What do we now?

What do we do, Sergeant?

We're slapping this guy
with a suit for $50,000.

Fifty thousand dollars?

And we're not taking
a penny less than five.

Huh?

Well, sometimes
it's better to drop your price

and go for the quick settlement.

Yeah. Yeah, well, we'll leave
all that up to you, Mr. Henshaw.

Okay, Sergeant, now,
you and Pyle meet me outside

the Oceanview Hotel in an hour, okay?

Well, sure, but what do you need us for?

Well, to show this guy we mean business.

Once he sees the victim with his advisers,
he'll write out a check on the spot.

He has to.
We're hitting him with the corpus delicti.

Yeah, huh?

Well, I'll go tell Pyle to get ready.

I got him resting up in the barracks.

Uh, good, good, good. See you in an hour.

Oh, and be sure Pyle takes his cane.

Uh, we have to make sure
there's no further damage.

Right.

Hey! Hike!

[men grunting]

Pyle!

What is this?
What do you think you're doing?

Well, we was just playing
a little football. We're off duty.

Football? In your condition?

What are you trying to do--
Hurt yourself some more?

Make further damage?
They don't pay for football injuries.

Sergeant, I think
that diagnosis was wrong.

My back feels fine. It hasn't bothered me
at all. Has it, Duke?

No, Sarge. He hasn't complained at all.
He's been running like a deer.

Oh, you're the big medical expert,
huh, Slater?

What do you know about internal injuries?

Now, come on, Pyle, get dressed.
You're going into town.

Town?! Why do I have to go into town?

I'll tell you why, Pyle.

Because you
are the corpus delicti, that's why.

Now, move, move, move!

And get your cane!

[brakes squeak]

Okay, Pyle.

The hotel.

Sergeant, why do we
have to go through with this?

Can't we just drop all the charges?

No, we can't!

Forgive and forget That's you, Pyle.

If this had happened to me,

I would really show
you what suing was like.

Now, come on, let's go.

Well, all right, Sergeant.

Your cane! Where's your cane?

Ah, here we are, gentlemen, right on time.

I thought it would be a good idea

to ask Doc Purdy along
as our medical consultant.

Oh, good idea. We sure appreciate it.

Oh, glad to do it, Sergeant.

But Mr. Henshaw, isn't there
some other way we could do this?

Do we have to sue the man for money?

It's not the money, Gomer.

We're only interested
in doing what's right.

- But I really don't think that that--
- Sergeant!

Pyle, shut your big, fat mouth
and do a little listening.

Touché, Sergeant.

Now remember,
I'm used to dealing with this type,

so let me do all the talking.

This is really embarrassing,
suing a perfect stranger.

I tell you what.

You all go on up,
and I'll just wait for you in the lobby.

But, Gomer Son, don't you understand?

You're the evidence Exhibit: A.
Where's your cane, boy?

Shouldn't he have a cane, Doc?

Oh, by all means, yes.

But Mr. Henshaw,
I really don't need a cane.

You don't, eh?

Oh, well, perhaps
he doesn't need a cane. Uh, just

Uh, boy, let's see you walk.

- Sir?
- Let's see you walk.

I want to see something. Come on.

Yes. [sighs]

Sergeant, does he always walk that way?

Yeah.

Oh, he needs the cane.

But, golly, I really don't need--

- Sergeant?
- Pyle, pipe down and get the cane!

And stop giving us all this back talk
and let's get this thing over with.

Come on, move, move, move!

Bravo!

All right, let's get it over with.

[buzzer]

Now remember, leave everything to me.

You know what you can
expect from a hit-and-run driver.

He's probably some undesirable character.

Maybe even a person
with criminal tendencies.

- So just let me
- Yes? Uh, can I help you?

I'm Wayne Henshaw, Mr. Clark.
I spoke to you earlier.

Oh, yes. Come right in.

Now, uh,
who was involved in this accident?

This is the victim. Private Pyle.

And this is his Sergeant, Sergeant Carter.

Mm-hmm, and, uh, who is this gentleman?

One of the finest stereo paths
in the country, Doc Purdy.

How do you do, sir?

Please be seated, gentlemen.

If you don't mind
getting to the point, Mr. Henshaw.

I'm in somewhat of a hurry.

Excuse me if I change while you talk.

Yes. Let's skip the formalities.

As I started to tell you earlier, Clark,

the other day
at the corner of 10th and Main,

you ran down my client,
causing him grievous bodily injuries.

Now we're here today to see that my client

gets all that he is entitled to
because of your negligence.

You know, it, uh, strikes me
as rather odd, Mr. Henshaw,

that in 20 years of driving
without an accident,

I could hit somebody
without knowing about it.

A major?

Yes. I've just been transferred out here.

In fact, right now, they're setting up
quarters for me at the base.

Major.

I want to make one thing clear, Major.

We will not be intimidated by rank.

Right, Sergeant?

Your car was placed
at the scene of the accident.

I can testify to that fact.

Well, if you say my car
was involved, Mr. Henshaw,

I think the only thing for me to do is

to turn this matter over
to my insurance company.

Insurance company?

Oh, Major, won't that complicate things?

We'd all end up in a big court fight.

And how would it look in the papers?
Enlisted man suing an officer?

Oh. Well, uh, what did you have in mind?

Oh, well, I was thinking of a nice,
simple, out-of-court settlement.

And what kind of a settlement
did you have in mind?

I was thinking we could settle for $5,000.

- Huh?
- Is that what you had in mind, Private?

No, sir.

Can I tell you what I had in mind?

- Please.
- Gomer!

Well, for two days now, everybody's been
telling me how bad I feel,

and I keep telling them I'm all right,
but they just won't believe me.

They got me decked out here
like I was a physical wreck.

I don't need this cane, Major.

Your car never even touched me.

I just stepped back
and tripped over my own big feet.

Now, that's the truth!

And that's what I've had
in mind now for two days.

Well, thank you, Pyle.

Frankly, I suspected as much.

You men have been taken in by shysters.

Shysters?

- Shysters?
- That's right.

Are you a doctor?

What did you say?

What did you ask me?

- Are you a doctor?
- Am I?

Oh, I don't have to stand here
answering ridiculous questions.

I I'm needed in surgery.

Boy, you pick 'em, Wayne. Ooh!

All right, I'll ask you, Mr. Henshaw.
Are you an attorney?

I'm glad you asked me that, Major.

Well, are you or aren't you?

Of course, you aren't.

Now you listen to me.

If you and your phony doctor friend
aren't out of town in 24 hours,

I'll press charges against you for fraud!

- Now, just a minute
- Fraud, Henshaw! Is that clear?

Obviously, you've high-pressured
my clients into dropping their case,

but you haven't heard the last of me!

Twenty-four hours, Henshaw!

[grumbles]

Mr. Henshaw, you forgot this!

And it's never too late to mend your ways.

Sergeant, how could
you let yourself be taken in

by such an obvious phony?

I'm glad you asked me that, sir.

Uh, the fact is, uh, I was just watching
to see how far he was going to go.

You know, giving him enough rope?

But, Sergeant, you said that--

And then I was just going
to zero in on him and whamo!

I see.

Oh, I never really trusted him.
It was something about his eyes, I think.

But Sergeant, you were the one that--

Well, it was very nice meeting you, sir,

and I'm sorry we caused
you all this trouble.

Yeah, we sure are, sir.

And the next time you get sued,
I sure hope they have a legitimate cause.

Pyle, come on!

Afternoon, gentlemen.

What do you want? You heard the major.

Oh, a little financial matter
to be settled.

Matter of my bill for my services.

A bill for 750 bucks?

What's that for?

Phone calls, transportation, paperwork,
secretaries, miscellaneous overhead.

You got a good case, Henshaw.
Just try and collect.

I will, Sergeant,
because if this is not paid

by the first, I'll be seeing you in court.

Of all the dirty, conniving tricks!

We're not going to have
to pay, are we, Sergeant?

Not if I can help it.

[yells]

Get down, get down!

A man hit here!
Somebody get an ambulance, an ambulance!

- Sergeant, what?
- Stay down, Pyle, just stay down.

- What's the matter? What's going on here?
- I'll tell you what's going on here.

You just backed over Pyle in cold blood.
Look at him lying there.

Oh, this is going to cost you a bundle.

What are you talking about?

I was an eyewitness.

Now, let's see.

After medical care,
X-rays, time off the job

Oh, this could come to
at least a couple of thousand,

but we'll go for the quick settlement.

Seven-fifty?

You think you're smart, huh, Sergeant?

[laughs]

Deceitful! Deceitful! Deceitful!

Nice going, Sergeant.
He got what he deserved!

[laughs]

Fool around with us, huh, Pyle?

That was sure fast-thinking, Sergeant.

J-2-0-6. Hold it, fellas!
I just saw the whole thing.

Got his license number.

- How bad you hurt, son?
- Huh?

Quimby's the name,
and this is an open-and-shut case

if I ever saw one.

Huh?

You boys have got a case!

Hit-and-run! Don't you get it?

You hear that, Pyle?

We got ourselves an open-and-shut case.

We'll sue the pants off of 'em!

I'm all for that, Sergeant,
but first we got to get me to a doctor.

Not a doctor, Pyle, a specialist.

Now let's see.

Who could we go to?

I got it.

How about Doc Purdy?

- Uh, do you know Doc Purdy?
- Know him?

He got us $100,000 for our last accident!

But this time, we're going to go
for a half million, right, Counselor?

Uh, look, fellas,
I just remembered something.

I'm due in court. But I'll keep in touch.

Hey, wait, Counselor!
Don't you want the case?

It's open and shut.

[both laughing]