All language subtitles for Gomer Pyle U S M C S03E04 Caution Low Overhead 1080p BluRay FLAC2 0 H 264-BTN_track5_[eng]

[marching band plays]

[male announcer] Gomer Pyle - USMC.

Starring Jim Nabors as Gomer Pyle.

Also starring Frank Sutton
as Sergeant Carter.

[bugle fanfare]

Thank you, sir.

PFC Slater. Gilbert.

$67.00.

Thank you, sir.

PFC Pyle. Gomer. $73.00.

Pyle.

Sir, I hope you don't mind my saying so,
but I just can't get over it.

I come here month after month

and you give me all this money
for something I just love doing.

That's fine, Pyle. Glad to hear
you're enjoying your enlistment.

And I also wanted to say
about the food you've been serving,

it's just been wonderful. Take last night,
we had those tuna croquettes -

I went back for seconds,
but there was so much left over

- I could've had thirds if I'd wanted.
- That's fine, Pyle. Now, if...

And them new mattress covers
that we got in last week -

if I was staying at the finest hotel
in this country,

I couldn't ask for any better.

Good, Pyle, good. Next!

Well, I can see you're busy, sir,
so I'll see you next month!

Ah, it's a long time between paydays,
Hummel.

That's the truth!

Well, here's my plan. First, I pick up
my pass, then I borrow Frisby's car.

I know this drive-in that's just crawling
with wild-looking chicks.

- Really?
- Mm-hm.

What makes you so sure
any of them will talk to you?

They have to. They're car-hops.

I'll just keep eating
till they get off duty. Huh?

Oh, there you are, fellers!
I wondered where you all went.

Listen, Gome, I'm going into town to meet
some girls. You wanna come along?

Thanks a lot,
but my plans is already made.

First of all, I'm gonna write a letter
home. Then I'm going over to the PX.

They're having a sale
on some shower clogs.

I thought I'd pick me up a couple of pair.

Gomer, you're not gonna spend
your whole payday buying shower clogs?

But I have to. My other pair's warped.

And you know what they say -
good hygiene starts from the feet on up.

Well, if that's the way you want it!
[sighs]

- We'll see you later.
- See you, fellers. Have a good time!

[man] Hey, Marine! You!

- Over here!
- Oh, there you are.

Yeah.

- You wanted to see me?
- Yeah. I, uh, I got something to show you.

- You have?
- Come here.

Oh, that's a mighty nice watch there,
mister.

It's not just a watch, son.

This here's an 18-karat,
21-jewel movement,

with a gold expansion bracelet,
and it can be yours!

You mean you're selling it?

Oh, I could never afford
an expensive watch like that.

Why not, friend?
You've just been paid, haven't you?

Why, yes.
How in the world did you know that?

Well, being an ex-serviceman like I am,
you just kinda feel it in the air.

Now, how about it, son?

Wouldn't you like to have this watch
for your very own?

Why, I'd like it very much,

but a watch like that
wouldn't come within my budget.

You see, I've got my allotments,
and I gotta buy my shower clogs,

and I gotta get a present
for my aunt's birthday.

No, it's impossible. I could never afford
an expensive watch like that.

Shh! Shh! Shh! Shh! Shh! Wait a minute!

How much do you think it costs?

Well, it's got to be at least...

12.95.

Only 12.95? Golly!

That's right, son. 12.95.
and that includes sales tax,

and a lifetime warranty,
including parts and labor.

Well, thank you very much, mister,

- but I just couldn't.
- You can't?

Why, 12 dollars and 95 cents
for a watch like that?

- Why, you'd be cheating yourself.
- Huh?

Everybody knows that a gold watch
costs ten times that much.

No. I just couldn't do that to you.

What's your name, son?

PFC Pyle. Gomer Pyle.

My name's Freddy.
Friendly Freddy, the serviceman's pal.

- Let me tell you something, Lyle.
- Pyle.

Pyle. In all my years in business
catering to men in the armed forces,

I've never felt such a rapport
with a customer.

Imagine worrying about my profit?
Take the watch, son, please.

Oh, I just couldn't, Mr. Friendly Freddy.

As much as I'd like to have it,
I just wouldn't enjoy it,

knowing how I'd taken advantage of you.

Well, look, son, would you feel any better

if I told you
I was making a little somethin'?

But how can you,
practically giving it to me like you are?

Well, once in a while,

one of my suppliers
gets a hold of a piece of merchandise

and he has to unload it in a hurry.
You know what I mean?

Oh, sure. You mean he's overstocked.

- Overstocked?
- Uh-huh. Back home at the gas station,

sometimes we'd get overstocked
on inner tubes

and then we'd have to run a sale.

Well, uh, yeah!
Whatever you wanna call it!

Son, this is the opportunity of a lifetime

and it'd just break my heart
to see you pass it up.

Well, if you really feel that way
about it.

How else can I feel? Take it, please.

goll-ly!

Well, here's the money!

Five, ten, 11, 12, 13.

- You can just keep the change.
- Well, thanks, son. This has made my day.

Mr. Friendly Freddy?
About the lifetime guarantee...

Huh? L-lifetime guarantee?
Yeah, what about it?

Well, for what you charged me
for the watch,

ten or 15 years would be more than fair!

And a happy afternoon to you,
Sergeant Carter!

What is it? I'm trying to catch up
with this paperwork. What do you want?

Oh, I thought I'd just stop by
and kill some time.

Kill it somewhere else. I gotta clear this
up before I can get outta here. Beat it!

Well, maybe I could pitch in and help.
I got plenty of time.

Pyle, you got your pass.
Go into town, to a movie, someplace,

just get outta here!

Right, Sergeant. But before I go,
would you happen to have the right time?

Pyle, will you clear outta here?!

I'm sorry, Sergeant. I just wanted
to show off my new gold watch.

- Huh?
- My new gold watch.

That's right, you hadn't seen it.

Let me see that.

You don't have to worry about dropping it,
either, Sergeant,

cause it's guaranteed shockproof.
And it's also waterproof and dust proof.

Gold, huh? You mean this is really gold?

Positively.
18 karats, with 21 jewels to boot.

And it's waterproof, dust proof,
shockproof...

What'd you do, Pyle, blow your whole pay?

Guess what it cost, Sergeant, just guess.

Well, a gold watch like this
should cost at least a hundred clams.

You're just a little bit off!

- You paid more?
- Nope.

- Then, what did you pay for it?
- 12 dollars and 95 cents.

12.95 for this watch?

Including sales tax
and a lifetime guarantee.

Do you think I got a good deal,
Sergeant, for a watch that's shockproof...

Good deal? Pyle, how can anybody sell you
a gold watch for 12.95?

Those were my feelings exactly, Sergeant.
So I asked Freddy,

that's Friendly Freddy,
he's the feller that sold it to me,

and he explained to me that his supplier
was overstocked and he had to unload.

Overstocked! Pyle, when it comes to
brains, you're under-stocked.

In fact, you've got the lowest inventory
on the entire base!

Huh?

Look, Pyle, use your head for a minute!

A gold watch selling for 12.95

has either gotta be a phony
or else it's hot!

Hot? You don't mean that it's...

Yeah, Pyle. Swiped, stolen, filched!

It happens every day.

A guys goes into a washroom,
takes off his watch

and the next thing you know, it's gone.

But, Sergeant, Freddy said
he bought it from his supplier.

You mean his fence.

Now, let's face it, Pyle,
right now in town,

there's probably some poor guy
walking around without his watch,

and you've got it!
You bought a stolen watch!

- Why, I never!
- You did, too, Pyle!

Well, I don't want it!
Why, that's terrible. Stolen goods?

Oh, why I didn't I go to the PX
and get my shower clogs?

- What am I gonna do, Sergeant?
- I don't care, but I'm gonna do something!

I've had it, Pyle!
It's not just you, but every payday,

there's some petty crook waiting around
in ambush for one of our guys,

and I'm getting sick of it!

What are we gonna do, Sergeant?

The first thing I'm gonna do
is get your money back.

Then I'll make this Freddy character
wish he'd never seen this base.

- Now, where is he?
- Well, last time I saw him, Sergeant,

he was out by the back fence.

Oh, I feel awful about this, Sergeant!

- Just awful!
- All right, Pyle.

You go back to the barracks and wait.
I'll handle this crook.

Well, Sergeant, would you tell that Freddy
something for me?

Tell him, after what he's done, not to
expect any word-of-mouth business from me.

Thought you could get away with it,
coming around here fleecing my guys!

Well, you've had it, buster!
You have had it!

What do you want, Sergeant? Tell me!

I'll tell you what I want -
the money back for this watch!

The money?
Well, why didn't you say so, Sergeant?

- I'd be glad to give you a refund.
- Ah, don't hand me that stuff, ya phony!

- You mean you're gonna gimme the money?
- Of course.

And you tell your buddy
I'm sorry he wasn't happy.

- You mean you're giving me a refund?
- Of course I'm giving you a refund!

And I'll give you an explanation, also,
because you're entitled to it.

- Yeah?
- You wanna know about this watch?

Well, right now, it's in the window
of Wilson's Jewelry Store,

selling for 97.50. And that's on sale!

Oh, come on! What do you take me for,
some kind of rube?

I was raised in the city, mister,
you know, with people and freeways!

You were born in the city, but you still
got a lot to learn about merchandising.

Okay, then you tell me,

how do you sell a $100 gold watch
for 12.95?

Simple. Low overhead.

- Low overhead?
- Why, sure!

You go downtown to any of these high-class
jewelry stores and what do you see?

Fancy fixtures, thick carpets,
high-priced salesman!

Do you see any of it around here?
Huh? Do you see it?

No, but... Well, I still don't see
how a gold watch can sell for 12.95.

There's gotta be a catch!

Of course there's a catch,
and it's the markup.

- The markup?
- Have you any idea of the markup?

- No.
- Well, not many of us know

there's a 60 and 70% profit
attached to these luxury items.

- And when you buy by the carload...
- The carload?

Of course! I'm a high-volume dealer!

I make a tiny profit,
but I go for the big turnover.

Even taking this time to talk to you
has cost me money, but it's worth it.

How many times do I get to talk shop
with a guy who understands the business?

Well, I was always pretty good
in arithmetic.

Yeah. Good.
Well, let me really explain it to you.

Now when the manufacturer gets an item,
see, any product, particularly a watch...

How in the world
could I fall for such a scheme, Duke?

Imagine me being so foolish?
It's not as if I was two years old.

I'm a grown man, a Marine,
a high school graduate!

Gomer, stop aggravating yourself.

It was just one of those things.
You got taken. Chalk it up to experience.

Well, one thing for sure,

Sergeant Carter's not gonna let him
get away with it. No, sir.

I'll bet you he puts that fella
outta business and gets my money back.

I wouldn't count on it, Gomer.

Right now,
that Freddy character and your $13

are probably halfway across the border.

Well, I sure hope he enjoys that money
and has hisself a good time,

because he's got his conscience
to live with.

Sergeant Carter, did you find him?

Did you find that Friendly Freddy?
Did you catch up with him? Did you?

- Yeah, Pyle, I found him.
- I knew it! I knew it!

See there, Duke? When Sergeant Carter
starts to do something, he does it.

- Did you get my money back for me?
- I did better than that, Pyle.

- I got your watch back.
- My watch?

Yeah.
And see that you take good care of that.

A watch like that can last you a lifetime!

But, Sergeant, what about it being stolen?

- You know, hot, like you said?
- Oh, there's nothing to worry about there.

- We had a little talk.
- You did?

Yeah, and I made a little investment
with Friendly Freddy myself.

Just feast your eyes on that, huh?

Shazam! A fur piece!

How in the world could you afford
a thing like that, Sergeant?

Simple, Pyle.

Low overhead!

This ain't just a fur piece, Pyle.

This is a genuine silver-frosted,
ranch-grown fox.

- Man, it sure looks great, Sarge.
- Yeah!

I just can't wait till Bunny sees this.
It'll make up for her birthday present.

She wasn't crazy about them bath salts.

It sure will.
It must've cost you a fortune, Sergeant.

[snorts] Take a guess.

What do you think it cost?

Well, my sister's got one like that.
Cost her about 200 bucks.

49.95!

And that includes a free cleaning!

49.95 for that?

Well, how in the world could they sell you
a snazzy-looking fur for so little?

Well, obviously, Pyle,

you don't understand the ins and outs
of modern-day merchandising.

But 49.95, Sergeant?
It sounds impossible.

Look, Pyle, I'll explain it to you.

When you buy a fur like this downtown,
you pay for a lot of extras.

But when you deal with a guy
like Friendly Freddy,

you forget all that!
You cut out the middle man.

It's like dealing directly with the fox.

My, my!

I sure would like to see Miss Bunny's face
when you give her that package.

When are you gonna give it to her?

I thought I'd take her to the Five O'Clock
Club tonight and give it to her there.

Oh, I'd give anything
to see her face light up!

Well, tonight at the Five o'clock Club,
that's where you'll see it happen.

Gosh, Sergeant, if you don't mind,
I'd like to be there just to see it.

That's all. I won't interfere or nothing.

Be my guest! [chuckles]

[lively big band music]

- Come on, Vince, tell me!
- No!

- Please!
- No.

Oh, come on, Vince, now tell me what's in
the package. I can't stand the suspense.

I already told you, Bunny,
I want it to be a surprise.

- The evening is still young.
- Oh! You and your surprises!

If I guess it,
will you tell me if I'm right?

Okay.
But you'll never guess in a million years.

- A shower curtain?
- No.

- Ironing board cover?
- No.

- Not another box of bath salts?
- No. I told you you wouldn't get it.

So just be patient.

The pizza will be here in a minute,
we'll drink a toast and then open it.

- Is that okay?
- Okay, but I should've known better.

With you,
everything has to be done by the numbers!

- Hey, Sergeant Carter, Miss Bunny.
- Oh, hi, Gomer!

I wanted to get here sooner,
but I missed the bus.

- Did you give her the fur yet?
- A fur? You bought me a fur? Ooh.

Pyle, you stupid nitwit,
you spoiled the surprise!

Shazam! You mean you hadn't told her yet?

Oh! It's gorgeous!

And it's real! A real fur!

- Oh, Vince!
- I'll say.

It's a silver-frosted, ranch-grown fox.
Right, Sergeant?

Yeah, yeah!
But do you have to blab everything?

Oh, Vince, you big lug!
This is the nicest surprise I've ever had!

Oh!

The sergeant and I
knew you'd just love it, Miss Bunny!

And, boy, did he get a terrific buy.

- He...
- Pyle!

Come on, Vince, let's dance!
I want everybody to see my new fur!

Enjoy yourselves. I'll mind the beer.

[sultry jazz plays]

[surf rock music]

My fox! My fox!

What happened?

Bunny, I-I don't know what happened!

- I got...
- It's... It's a fake!

Oh, Vince Carter, you're...

[Bunny squeals]

[Duke laughs] I wish I'd have been there to see it!

The fur was really flying, huh, Gome?

It wasn't funny, Duke!
It wasn't funny at all!

Not funny? A fox-fur molting in the middle
of the dance floor is not funny?

Come on, Gomer,
where's your sense of humor?

Well, it's a mess, Duke. Miss Bunny
will probably never speak to him again,

and that's just gonna break his heart.

If I know Carter, what's breaking his
heart is that 49.95 he blew on the fur!

If I could find that Friendly Freddy, I'd
get Sergeant Carter's money back for him.

Kiss it good-bye, Gomer. The best thing
for you to do is forget about it.

It's just like my grandma used to say,

"When you try to get something
for nothing,

that's just what you end up with -
something that's worth nothing."

- Hello, men.
- [Duke] What's doing, Hummel?

Well, what do you think?

- What do we think about what?
- This. This new watch of mine.

Shazam! Where'd you get it?

Well, I happened to be passing
the pool hall in town

and a fellow out front there
sold it to me.

- Do you have any idea what I paid?
- Uh-huh, 12 dollars and 95 cents.

Amazing. How did you know?

- I got one just like it.
- Friendly Freddy strikes again.

- That his name?
- Friendly Freddy? No.

- This fellow's name is Lucky Louie.
- Lucky Louie?

That's probably his downtown name.
Know where I can find him?

Well, uh,
I imagine he's still at the pool hall.

If I hurry, I can catch him
and get Sergeant Carter's money!

- Wait a minute!
- [Duke laughs]

What's going on?

Congratulations, PFC Hummel,

you've just been initiated to membership
in the Patsy Club!

So there you are!

Sorry to ruin your shot, Mr. Freddy,

but there's something
I gotta talk to you about.

Well, well,
if it isn't my old Marine buddy PFC Lyle.

- Pyle! Gomer Pyle.
- Of course. Gomer.

Uh, nice to see you again, son.
How about a little game of rotation?

I'm just learning the game myself.

I couldn't think about playing a game
right now.

You just don't know
all the trouble you've caused.

Trouble, son? What kind of trouble?

Well, you know that fur
that you sold Sergeant Carter?

Well, all the fur blew out of it
and it's balder than that there cue ball!

- It's what?
- That's right.

It happened right out there
on the dance floor.

- It was awful! Just awful!
- You're kidding?

No. And you should see what happened
to Sergeant Carter and Miss Bunny.

They may never talk to each other again.

Oh, that darn furrier!
How could he do this to me?

You deal with somebody for 20 years
and he slips ya a second!

You mean you didn't know that fox fur
wasn't any good?

You think I wanna cut my throat?

I spent 20 years building a clientele,
and now this. What can I do?

What can I do to help? Tell me.

Well, you could start off by giving
Sergeant Carter his money back.

- His money back?
- Yeah.

That way, there wouldn't be any trouble,
because he was fixing to go to the police.

The pol...!
Come on now, there's no need for that!

Let's see now, it was 49.95, wasn't it?

Here you go, Pyle. 10, 20, 30...

Well, here, take this 50!
And keep the change.

Well, thank you very much,
Mr. Friendly Freddy!

And thank you for Sergeant Carter.

Well, that's okay.
You tell the sergeant to use the money

and maybe take his girl to some fancy
restaurant to square things with her.

Well, I will, then. Thank you very much.
It's a pleasure doing business with you.

Okay. And you tell Sergeant Carter
that I'm sorry about this whole thing.

I'm gonna go straight to that furrier

- and tell him a couple of things!
- Aw, well...

No, no, it's humiliating!
I mean, humiliating!

- Excuse me.
- Huh?

Well, this transistor radio you sold me,
it doesn't seem to be working.

Well... I'll be right with you.
So long, Pyle. So long.

What'd you do, kid, open the back?
You must've opened the back.

I can't believe it. You mean he actually
gave you the dough without a fight?

That's right, Sergeant, and he was just
as nice as he could be about it.

I guess this teaches us a lesson.

Before condemning a person, you ought
to give 'em the benefit of the doubt.

Well, maybe so,
but after what happened with that fur,

I thought he was a swindler for sure.

It just goes to show,
you can't judge a crook by his cover!

- [both laugh]
- "A crook by his cover"!

That's a good one, Sergeant. I'll have to
remember that and tell it to Duke.

You know something?
I think I'll take that Freddy's advice

and use this dough to buy Bunny
a fancy dinner.

Hey, that's a good idea, Sergeant.

You could take her to that pancake place
on the highway - Buckwheat Bill's.

She'd just love that.
They got 27 different kinds of syrup.

Syrup? Pancakes?
What's the matter with you, Pyle?

This calls for something classy,

like that fancy French restaurant
Le Petit Chateau.

A little candlelight and wine...

It'll cost a bundle,
but I'll shoot the works.

Oh, what a wonderful reunion!
I'd give anything to be there.

I just love happy endings.

Well, look, Pyle, since you're kind of
responsible for getting my dough back,

why don't you come around
tomorrow night at the restaurant?

Ah, no, Sergeant.
This night is just for you and Miss Bunny.

- I'd enjoy having dinner with you, but...
- Who said anything about dinner?

Come around later for coffee.

Well, thank ya, thank ya, thank ya!

And to think you didn't even
wanna talk to me when I called.

I must've been in that phone booth
for an hour.

Well, you can't exactly blame me, Vince,
after what happened.

Oh, honey, let's not bring that up!

Uh, Miss?

[French accordion music plays]

Uh, I'll take a handful of these.
[chuckles]

And here...

This is for you, Bun.

- Just put it on my check.
- Thank you.

Vince, that's beautiful!

Oh!

[Bunny] Mm!

- [Carter chuckles]
- [Bunny] Mm!

- Hey, everybody!
- Oh, hi, Gomer.

Pyle, it's you. Uh, grab a chair.

Uh, Bunny and me was just
having a little after-dinner talk.

I saw what you was doing, Sergeant.
It didn't have nothing to do with talking.

Oh, it's a sight for sore eyes to see
you two lovebirds billing and cooing.

Well, it's been a perfect evening.
Hasn't it, honey?

Oh, it's been an evening
I'll never forget, Vince.

Yeah!

Look, it's getting a little late
and Bunny has to get home.

Garcon! Garcon! Le check.

Bien.

- The check, monsieur.
- Ah!

A 50-dollar bill.
It's, uh, the smallest thing I have.

- Of course, monsieur.
- [Carter chuckles]

Well, Bunny,
shall we have a last one for the road?

Why not?

Who should we drink to? Uh...

How about Pyle?

No, not me, Sergeant.

I know. Why don't you drink to the man
that made this evening possible?

- Friendly Freddy!
- I'll drink to that.

I will, too. To Friendly Freddy!

And to you, Vince, for showing me
the nicest evening a girl ever had!

[man whispers]

[dramatic music]

Counterfeit?

Oh, Vince! [Bunny yells]

It's no use, Pyle,
she's just not gonna answer!

Well, don't aggravate yourself,
Sergeant.

- Maybe she's just taking a shower.
- That's a long shower!

I've been dialing since last night!

Boy, I've never seen Bunny
this steamed before.

Things could've been worse. If that
restaurant manager hadn't let you go,

you could've gone to jail
for passing off counterfeit money.

That's a federal offense.

What do you mean "let me go"?

I had to sign a sworn statement
I'd pay that tab next payday!

We've sure been having a run of bad luck,
haven't we, Sergeant?

Yeah. A lot you got to complain about!

I got stuck with a bum fur, a phony bill,
and my girl won't even speak to me!

At least you got that watch.

- What watch?
- The watch you're wearing.

Oh, that's not a watch. That's just
the green band that the watch left

before it stopped running
and I throwed it away.

You mean that watch was no good, either?

Of course not, Sergeant.

It's like you said,
you can't expect to get a gold watch

for 12 dollars and 95 cents.

Pyle, do me a favor, will you?
Just shut up!