All language subtitles for Gomer Pyle U S M C S02E23 Gomer and the Phone Company 1080p BluRay FLAC2 0 H 264-BTN_track5_[eng]

[marching band plays]

[male announcer] Gomer Pyle USMC.

Starring Jim Nabors as Gomer Pyle.

Also starring Frank
Sutton as Sergeant Carter.

- I got $0.65.
- I got $0.90.

I got $0.80 but that's not counting
the lucky silver dollar.

But I know you wouldn't
want me to use that.

You got $1 .80, Gomer.

You mean you'd spend
my lucky silver dollar?

Gomer, this is no
time to be sentimental.

Either we spend your silver dollar
or we go back to the base.

All right, all right. Look,

we've got $1 .80 and $0.90,
which is $2.70.

And $0.65 is $3.35.

What can we do with $3.35?

Well, we can each have a
hamburger and a piece of pie.

Or we can go to the
movies and go home hungry.

Well, we could go swimming
at the Y, which is a quarter.

And have enough for
a hamburger, no pie.

Couldn't we just have a cookie
and not spend my lucky silver dollar?

- Let's go to the movies.
- Okay. I wonder what's playing.

Well, if we had an extra dime,
we could call up and find out.

Well, I got my lucky dime, but I know
you wouldn't want to use that.

Call, Gomer.

But it's my lucky dime!

[both] Call!

Well, do you know
how long I've had that?

[both] Call!

Gee, fellers,
if I spend all my lucky coins,

I won't have no luck
at all this year!

The number is 555-2560.

Duke, are you sure you
want to go to the movies?

What else is there to do?

Hello, what?

It's a recording.

The Bijou Theater proudly presents

fun for the whole family.

The Hideous Hatchet of Dr. Wong

and Blood on the Stairway

and selected short subjects
and free parking in the rear.

The Hideous
Hatchet of Dr. Wong

goes on screen at 6:20 and 10:10.

Blood on the Stairway can
be seen at 8:30 and 11 :55.

That's good enough, Gomer.

Bijou Theater proudly presents
fun for the whole family.

Hang up, Gomer. Hang up.

Boy, those sound like two
real good movies, don't they?

Sure great, let's go.

[coins spilling loudly]

Hey, look-it!

[Gomer] Well I'll be!

Sixty, seventy, seventy-five

$41 .75, would you believe it?

Now listen, how's this strike you?

Let's call some girls,
pick them up in a cab,

drive out to the Rainbow Club.

- We'll get steak dinners and dance.
- Great!

On $3.35?

What do you mean?

We've got $41 .75, Gom.

Oh, but this is not our money, fellers.

- What do you mean?
- If it's not ours, whose is it?

- Well, it's the phone company's!
- Huh?

And we got to give it back.

Now, wait.
Wait a minute, Gomer.

I don't think I heard you right.

You say you want to give this back?

Well, it's the only thing we can do.

The phone company didn't
mean for all this money

to come pouring out of there.

It was a mistake.

And we can't take advantage
of somebody else's mistake.

Look, call Dora.
She's got a couple of girlfriends.

Tell her we'll pick them up
in 15 minutes.

Wait, now, fellers.
I'm serious.

We can't do that.

We can't use this money that's not ours.

Why, it'd be like stealing.

He really means it.

It's not stealing, Gomer.

I mean, how many times
have you put a dime in

and got a wrong number?

You don't say that the
phone company robbed you.

That's just the
breaks of the game!

Uh-uh, fellers, we've
got to give it back.

Gomer, you're out of your head!

We should march right down
there to the phone company

and explain to them what happened
and give them their money back.

Gomer, pal, buddy, listen to me.

Don't be a sap. The phone company
isn't thinking about you.

So why do you think
about the phone company?

Grow up, Gomer. In this world,
you've got to look out for number one.

'Cause believe me, nobody else is going
to do it. Did you ever hear about that?

Yeah. And I heard
something else, too.

Honesty is the best policy.

Did you ever hear of that?

Gomer.

And the only honest thing
for us to do

is to return this money that
don't belong to any of us.

Now, wait a minute, Gomer.

Now just wait a minute.

We were all in on this.

And two out of three say
we take it and we spend it.

- Now that's it.
- Fellers,

it was my dime
that fetched us this money.

So I'll ought to have a say, too.

And I say I'm going to take it back
to the phone company and give it back.

Now, you can come with me if you want.

- But Gomer--
- Gomer, now please--

I'm sorry, fellers.

This is the only honest thing to do.
Now, you want to come with me?

Are you kidding?
I wouldn't want any part of it.

- What about you, Frankie?
- No, sir. No, sir.

You want to do a crazy
thing like that, Gomer,

Gomer, you are on your own.

Suit yourself.

I'll see you.

But back to the phone company it goes.

Yes, sir. May I help you?

Yes, ma'am, I guess you can.

You see, I got this $41 .75
that I'd like to give the phone company.

Oh, you wish to pay your bill.

Third floor.

No, ma'am, it's not a bill.

I don't even have a phone.

You want a phone?

New applicants, seventh floor.

No, I don't want a phone neither.

You see, I was in this phone booth,

making a call to the Bijou Theater
to find out what was playing there.

By the way, they got two
wonderful family pictures.

When I hung up, the phone company
made a terrible mistake.

Yes, sir.

Window 13, right down the hall.

What number were you calling from, sir?

Well, I don't
remember the number.

Do you remember the exchange?

No, I don't remember that, neither.

If you wish an adjustment,
you'll have to give me some information.

Well, I'm sorry as I can be.

But all I remember is
that it was a phone booth.

And I was calling the Bijou
Theater to find out what was--

Yes, I know.

You told me that.

Look, how much of a refund you want?

But I didn't want any refund.

I wanted to give you a refund.

- You see, I think the phone was broken.
- Broken?

Oh, wait a minute.

You don't want me.

Go to Window 27.

The main trouble is
people just can't resist

banging on the coin boxes.

Now you mustn't do that.

It isn't good for you, and it certainly
doesn't do the boxes any good.

But I didn't bang the box.

Oh, look, I know how easy
it is to lose your temper.

I've done it myself sometimes.

But it's just better
to call the operator.

She'll take your name and
address and send you stamps.

But I didn't lose any money.

I gained money, ma'am.

$41 .75, to be exact.

- And I'd like to return it.
- What?

You see, all this money
came pouring out of the box

and I'd like to give it back.

You want to return it?

That's right, ma'am.

So can I give it to you?

Because, frankly, it's
pulling my belt down to where

it's pressing on my hip bone.

But I can't take this.

I'm not set up for it.

Well, then, who could?

Well I don't know.

Maybe Mr. Corbett.

I'll call him.

Oh, I'm getting that funny noise again.

Maybe you'd just
better go up yourself.

Third floor, room 301.

Thank you, ma'am.

What is he, some kind of a nut?

Doesn't seem to be.

I mean, he's wearing a Marine uniform.

Oh, I know what it is.

- He's probably one of those pranksters.
- Pranksters?

When you've been here a little longer,

you'll find out that we get them all.

About a month ago,
a man came in here

and claimed his Great Dane
swallowed his princess phone.

And he was expecting a
very important phone call.

That's ridiculous.

I suppose it's the price
we pay for being big.

What do you want me
to do, send him away?

No I'll handle this.

This one's probably
got a lot of lead coins

he's trying to pass off on us.

You know, I'm getting a little
sick of these practical jokers

having a lot of fun at our expense.

This time, I'm going to have some fun.

Tell him to come in.

Well, come in.

How do you do, sir?

My name is Corbett.

How do you do sir?
My name's Gomer Pyle

and I sure am
glad to meet you, Mr. Corbett.

You see, I was making
this phone call--

Yes, my secretary told me.

And a lot of money came out
when you hung up, is that right?

Right.

And now you want to give
this money back to us,

because you realize
it was a mistake.

And you don't want to
take advantage of us.

That's exactly right, Mr. Corbett.

Now, are you the man
that I give the money to?

Well, no.

No.

As a matter of fact,
he's down in Morocco

running his carrot farm.

He is?

Yes.

But I do have a suggestion for you.

Why don't you take
these coins, heat them,

and make toy soldiers of them?

Oh, they're lots of fun.

Of course, now, if you do want to fly

all the way down to Morocco,
that's your business.

But we cannot take
that money here.

Well, is there anybody else here
that I could give the money to?

Wait a minute.

I have it.

Why don't you take those
coins to a munitions plant,

have them melted down into a
big ball, put it in a cannon,

and then watch it go boom?

Watch it go boom!

How do you like that?

You try to give the money back
and they give you the runaround.

Now look, Gomer. Now look.

There's no reason in the world
why you shouldn't keep it now.

Oh, yes.

There's just as much reason
now as there ever was.

It's not mine.
I got to give it back somehow.

You're hopeless, Gomer.
You're absolutely hopeless.

[Carter] All right, move it! Move it!

Everybody fall in on the double!

Gomer! You're not going to keep all
that money in your pocket!

It's not mine and I've got to
be especially careful with it.

[Carter] Come one! Move, move, move.

All right, come on, move!

Move, move, move!

Move it!

Dress right, dress!

Ready, hut!

Right, face!

About, face!

[change jingling]

All right.

Running in place, double time, hut!

- [change jingling]
- Hut, two, three, four! Hut, two--

Return, halt!

I might have known.

What did you do, Pyle,
break into your piggy bank?

Sergeant Carter, you must mean
these coins I got in my pocket.

Huh?

Would you believe it?
I've got $41 .75 in my pocket.

- What?
- In nickels, dimes and quarters.

All right, Pyle.

What are you doing with
the coins in your pocket?

Well, Sergeant Carter,
it's kind of a long story.

I was afraid of that.

You mean to say the telephone
company wouldn't take it back?

No, they wouldn't.

I went from place to place.

And they just acted surprised.

Yeah, well, I can understand that.

But what I do, Sergeant?
How do I give them the money back?

I don't know. That's your problem.

Look, I've taken enough time
out already listening to you.

But Sergeant--

Don't bother me, Pyle.

Put in the bank, spend it.

Buy $40 worth of wishes and
throw it in the fountain!

You forgot what you told us
back in boot camp, Sergeant.

What?

Well, you remember
once back in boot camp,

you said, any time any of us ever had
any problems to come to you.

And, well, I got a problem
and I'm coming to you.

Oh, all right.

You say the phone company
won't take it back, huh?

No.

- And you don't want to keep it, right?
- Right.

Well, there's only one thing left to do.

Put it back where it came from.

Huh?

Back in the box.
You got it there, didn't you?

Put it back in there.

Well, that's a brilliant idea, Sergeant.

Why didn't I think of that?

For the same reason you are a private

and I am a sergeant, Pyle--

Brains.

Thank you, Sergeant.

I'm going to do just what you
said as soon as I get off duty.

Of course, if you
want to take the time,

there's something else you can do.

I mean, if you want to get
even with the phone company.

What's that, Sergeant?

You can get $41 worth of
stamps and mail it to them.

[man] What do you think you're doing?

Oh, hello, officer.
Well, it's kind of a long story.

You see, I made a call
from this phone yesterday.

And when I hung up, all
this money come out.

And now, I'm just putting it back.

Sure you are.

Now listen, Pyle-- or
whatever your name is--

You were not putting money
back into that coin box.

Nobody ever puts money
back into the coin box!

But honest,
that's just what I was doing!

I cross my heart and I hope to die!

Where'd you get that uniform?

You roll a Marine?

You break into a pawn shop?
Where do you live, Pyle?

Like I told you several
times, Barracks 305R,

Company B, Camp Henderson.

You know what I think, Pyle?

I think you're a cheap
crook and you're using

that Marine uniform as a front.

And I don't think this is the first
phone box you've ever broken into!

Why, I never!

Now, come on, spill it, Pyle!
We want the truth.

You talk, Pyle.

Talk!

You treat me nice
and I'll treat you nice.

But you treat me mean,
and I'll ignore you.

Now you listen to me--

Wait a minute, Bernard.
Wait a minute.

Let me handle this.

Cigarette?

Oh, no thank you, sir.
I don't smoke.

But I would like some
chewing gum if you have any.

I don't have any gum.

Oh, well, that's all right.

Now, look, Gomer.

Let's construct this whole
thing from the beginning.

Now, you woke up this
morning all alone

in your little dingy room.

Oh, no, it's a real big room
and there are lots of other fellers.

And you looked around.

And you thought to yourself,
what am I doing here?

Oh, well, know what
I was doing there.

You see, I've got two more
years on my enlistment.

And then you said--

You said to yourself, why can't I have
the things other people have?

Like what?

Well, you know,
the good things of life.

Wine, women, song.

Shameful, shameful!

Is that what you consider
the good things of life?

Well, I don't.
But you do, don't you?

Well, they're all right. But there are
a lot of other good things,

like good books and good friends.

And you can't buy those
with money, either.

Now look, you're a crook
and I'm sure of it!

That's terrible.
Nobody's ever called me that before.

I told you how you could prove it.

Just call up my buddies at the base.

They was with me when
the whole thing happened.

Sure, sure.

You got a whole outfit
operating with you, right?

Well, then, just call
up my Sergeant Carter.

You don't have a Sergeant Carter!
You're not a Marine, either!

Well, you may not
believe me, but he does.

You believe I've got a
Sergeant Carter, don't you?

And you believe I'm in
the Marines, don't you?

And you believe I was putting
coins in that box, don't you?

Well, no, Pyle.
Frankly, I think you're a crook, too.

Well, I never.

I ain't gonna talk to either one of you.

Unless you call Sergeant Carter,
that's all I've got to say.

Okay, Sergeant, we
believe he's a Marine.

Well, if you believe he's a Marine,

why don't you believe
the rest of his story?

Because that's
impossible, that's why.

People just don't do that.

They rip phones off the wall.

They break them open with hammers.
They drill holes in them.

But they never put
money back into them.

Why not?

Because only an idiot
would think of trying to put

money back into a phone box.

Oh.

Well, this guy would.

You just don't know him.

Maybe you are the one
doesn't know him, Sergeant.

Sometimes these innocent-looking
guys commit the worst crimes.

Maybe he's been pulling the wool
over your eyes for a long time.

Oh, no, not him.

I know him like a book!

Well, Sergeant, we have to
take him down to the Captain

and see what he says.

For Pete's sake,
he's dead just from

the circumstantial evidence.

Oh.

Well, look, is it all
right if I talk to him?

Sure, go ahead.

Make yourself at home, fellows.
We'll be right out here.

Did you get everything
straightened out, Sergeant?

Well, no, Pyle.

Look, I don't know
how to tell you this.

It doesn't look good.

But why, Sergeant?
I didn't do nothing wrong.

I know, but it's the
circumstantial evidence.

You see, there you were
in a phone booth at night

with all them coins splattered all over.

Well, put yourself in their place.

What can they think?

Circumstantial evidence!

What's that?

Circumstantial evidence?

Oh, that can be rough!

You see, they got all the evidence

and it's circumstantial.

I told them what happened.

I told them I was
putting the coins back.

Yeah, yeah, but what idiot
puts coins back in a coin box?

Well, Sergeant, won't you tell them
it was your idea to put the coins back.

It was, you know.

Yeah, but they'd never
believe a guy like me would

let you do such a stupid thing.

Then they'd really get suspicious,

because they'd figure I was just
sticking up for one of my men.

What are we going to do, Sergeant?

We're going to fight, that's what.

They give you all this double talk

about circumstantial evidence,
and we got truth and right on our side!

You know what you need, Pyle?

You need a good lawyer.

A lawyer?

Why, Sergeant?

Besides, I can't afford a lawyer.

I know.

So you know who's gonna
handle your case for you? Me!

- You?
- Sure!

I know how to talk to these guys.

And I know you, Pyle.

And I'm the guy that can get
you out of this if anybody can.

Circumstantial evidence.

- You sure, Sergeant?
- Sure I'm sure!

It's an open and shut case.

Just trust me, Pyle.

Just trust me.

Now I'm sore, really sore.

Sergeant, where we gonna
get $500 to bail me out?

Oh, I don't know.

Quiet, Pyle, let me think.

Sergeant Carter, when my trial comes up,
are you still going to be my lawyer?

'Cause if you are,
I was thinking--

Yeah, yeah. Listen, Pyle.

You said you went to the phone company.

Do you remember who you talked to there?

Well, I talked to everybody.

Well, do you remember anybody's name?

Yeah, I remember the
last feller, Mr. Corbett.

But he just made a joke out of it.

Sergeant Carter, why can't
we call Frankie and Duke?

They was with me when
the whole thing happened.

No, I don't think they'd
believe them, either.

Well, why not?
They seen the whole thing.

I know, but they'll figure they're just

your buddies sticking up for you
the same way I'm sticking up for you.

But they was there.

No, the best thing is for me to go
back to the phone company.

What was his name again, that last guy?

Corbett. Mr. Corbett.

Look, Pyle, I'm going
to get a hold of him

the first thing in the morning.

I'll get you out of this
if it takes me a year!

Just don't give up hope.

I'll see you, Pyle.

Bye, Sergeant.

You mean to tell me he
tried to return the money?

- Well, yes.
- Well, then, why didn't you take it?

Well, Officer, you must
realize we are a big company.

We get all kinds of cranks.

And, besides if he'd gone to
the right window in the first place,

- none of this would ever have happened.
- Well, what was the right window?

Window 32.

I don't remember seeing a window 32.

It's in our annex
over across the street.

Here's your money, Mr. Corbett.

Thank you, Officer.
Good day, gentlemen.

How do you like that?

The nerve of that guy!

He didn't even thank you, Pyle.

Is that a sap or is that a sap?

- Why, Duke?
- Well, I'm sorry, Gomer.

But you brought the
whole thing on yourself.

And what did you get for it?

You and your honesty is the best policy.

- See, was I right?
- We tried to tell you, Gomer.

But you had to be so honest.

And what did it get you?
A whole mess of trouble.

Now will you listen to me?

I just wish we'd talk
about something else.

- [Boyle] Pyle! Is Pyle here?
- Here I am!

You got a visitor in the duty hut.

A Mr. Corbett from the phone company.

I wonder what he wants.

They probably counted the
money and you're a dime short.

Yeah, he wants you to give it back.

Here he is, Mr. Corbett.

Thank you, Corporal.

- Hello, young man.
- Hey, Mr. Corbett.

- Is anything wrong?
- Well, yes.

As a matter of fact, there is.

In my haste yesterday,
I forgot to thank you.

Oh, that's all right, Mr. Corbett.

No. No, it isn't.

But frankly, what you
did was so unusual,

I was just a little bit stunned.

I wasn't thinking!

Anyway, you did something very
nice for the telephone company.

And now, what can the
phone company do for you?

Oh, really, Mr. Corbett.

You don't have to do anything for me!

No, no, Pyle.

I insist.

You name it and you've got it.

Anything within reason, of course.

Well, when you said what could
the phone company do for me,

it did kind of give me an idea.

No, Mom, honest!

It's not costing me a cent. It's free.

Everybody is getting a
free long distance call.

Yeah, my friend Gomer Pyle
arranged the whole thing.

No mom, well, look.
It's a long story.

I'll write to you about it.

Listen, how's Rose and Leo?

Well, how's it going?
You almost finished?

We have five more men.
It'll take 20 minutes.

- Good.
- How about you, Sergeant?

- Ain't you gonna make a call?
- Me?

Well, certainly.

I said everybody in the platoon.
And you certainly are in the platoon.

Well, thank you.

Where would you like to phone?
I just have to make a note of it.

The boys have been calling all over--

Vermont, Wyoming, Kansas.

You know who I'd like to call?

My Uncle Stanley.

He's my favorite uncle.
I haven't talked to him for years.

Sure, fine, where does he live?

Warsaw.

Warsaw, Poland?

Where else?

Now do you believe me,
Duke, that honesty is the best policy?

All these phone calls cost a
whole lot more than $41 .75.

Sure, yeah, yeah.

There you are, Gomer.
They're placing your call to Mayberry.

Thank you, Mr. Corbett.

And I'll never forget
how nice you've been.

Goodbye, boys.

I've got to get back to the office.

And remember, nothing
says you like your voice.

- They're ringing.
- Who you calling, Gomer? Your girl?

[shouting] Hello? Andy?

It's me, Gomer!

No, I ain't in town, I'm at camp!

Well, yeah, I can hear
you real good, too!

Just like you was in the next room!

Hey, Andy, how's Aunt Bee
and Opie and Cousin Goober?

Well, good!

Andy, I just called you to tell you
that everything's all right.

But I don't want to talk too much,
on account of this is long distance.

Well, okay, Andy.

Bye!

You too!

Good old Andy.

Sure is good to hear his voice.

There must be at least--

Mr. Corbett! Mr. Corbett!

- Mr. Corbett!
- Mr. Corbett!

Mr. Corbett!

Now, wait a minute.
It's five more minutes yet, fellers.

- So let's don't go in yet.
- Oh, come on, Gomer.

At least we can sit down.

No, let's wait till the picture's over.

If I know how it ends,
it just ruins it for me.

Oh, come on, Gomer.
You know how it ends.

All these monster movies
end the same way.

The monster gets electrocuted.

[zapping sound]

Hear that?
He's getting it now!

I ain't listening.
I just ain't listening.

Oh!

Oh, Gomer, you should see him.

No, no, you'd better not look.
Don't look.

Okay, it's over.

Can we go in now?

Let me get some popcorn first.

I just can't enjoy a
movie without popcorn.

Hey, fellers!
Look what's happening!

My goodness, maybe we
ought to notify somebody!