All language subtitles for Gomer Pyle U S M C S02E20 Sergeant Carter Dates a Pyle 1080p BluRay FLAC2 0 H 264-BTN_track5_[eng]

[marching band plays]

[male announcer] Gomer Pyle, USMC.

Starring Jim Nabors as Gomer Pyle.

Also starring Frank Sutton
as Sergeant Carter.

As you were!

Okay, now, here's something you're all
gonna be glad to hear, so listen up good.

Headquarters has instructed me
to inform you

that this coming Saturday has been
designated open house for this base.

- [man] Open house?
- Now, for those of you who don't know

what open house means, let me explain.

In the interests of good relations
with the American taxpayer,

Headquarters is anxious for you men

to invite your loved ones here
to see your base.

That means your mothers,
fathers, sisters, brothers,

anyone close to you that you'd like
to invite here to take a look around.

- Now...
- Excuse me, Sergeant.

- What is it, Pyle?
- What if you don't have a sister?

Well, that's tough! Talk to your father
about it. That's his problem!

- [all laugh]
- Now what do you wanna know?

Should you invite your Aunt Bessie,
your Uncle Wilfred, your old dog Trey?

No, sir, I was wonderin'
if you'd consider a cousin a loved one.

Anybody, Pyle! Anybody! You can invite
anybody you want, loved or unloved.

Just as long as they're part
of the general public.

That means mothers, fathers,
sisters, brothers...

- I don't have a sister.
- I know that!

That's the reason
I asked you about cousins.

- Pyle!
- This cousin's just like a sister.

Knock it off!

All right, now, one more thing.

I'm supposed to tell you that the windup
of this open house

- will be a dance Saturday night.
- [all murmur excitedly]

And you can also invite your guest
to that dance.

Yes, Pyle, you can invite a cousin.

Right, Sergeant, or a sister.

I thought you said
you didn't have a sister.

I don't. But if I did have one,
I could ask her.

See, that's why I asked you about cousins.

I do have a cousin, and I was...

And that's who I was gonna invite down
was my cousin.

Who you gonna invite down to open house,
Duke?

A girl. Who else? Did I say a girl?

Excuse me, fellas, a goddess.

What about you?
Who's this cousin you're talking about?

My cousin bridey Pyle up in Stockton.

She's one kin that I haven't seen
in just ages

and I know she'd like to come down here
and visit. And Stockton ain't that far.

I wonder who Sergeant Carter's
gonna invite down to the open house.

I know he hasn't got any kin
Iivin' close by.

- My heart bleeds for him.
- Shame on you, Duke.

There ain't nothin' lonelier
than a man in uniform

that's been left all to hisself
on a big family weekend.

I wouldn't worry about it, Gomer.

Of course! That was the reason
that the sergeant was so irritated

when I was askin' him them questions.

He didn't have nobody to invite
and he felt real bad.

- Forget it, Gomer.
- You know something?

We ought to put our heads together and get
him somebody to keep company with.

- I think that's what we ought to do.
- Are you kidding?

No! I think it'd be
a kindly, charitable act

and I think one of us ought to do it.

The reason I didn't ask you in the
barracks is that it was a personal matter.

I was just wonderin',
do you have any plans?

Huh?

Well... what I mean is,
you bein' so busy and all,

you probably hadn't had a chance
to think of yourself

and invite somebody special down
for the weekend.

Well, I don't see how
that's any of your business, Pyle.

Well, you're right, Sergeant,
it's none of my business,

but, well, if you hadn't invited
somebody down...

Go on, Pyle. I'm hanging on every word.

I've invited my cousin bridey Pyle down
from Stockton.

- And?
- I thought you might like to know

that I'd consider it
an honor and a privilege

if you'd join me and my cousin
for the weekend festivities.

- Join you and your cousin?
- Uh-huh. Just for companionship

and to have somebody
to go to the dance with later on.

No, Pyle, I don't think so.

Well, she's a real nice girl, my cousin
bridey. She's smart and a lot of fun.

I remember once when we was kids, she
found out I was ticklish right there...

No, Pyle, I'm really not interested.

She's a real good talker, too, Sergeant.

She used to be on the debating team
in high school.

But she had to give it up. She broke out
every time she had to speak in public.

Pyle, I said no. Now, knock it off!

She knows a little bit about military
life. She was in the Girl Scouts.

Out! Out! Out!

Out, out, out, out, out!

[laughs] Did you hear that?

That knucklehead actually wants to
fix me up with his cousin.

- Can you believe it?
- No kidding!

Yeah, can you imagine what she looks like?
I wonder if she wears shoes.

Don't laugh, Sarge. Sometimes guys that
look like Pyle have beautiful relatives.

Yeah, I can see it.

There's only one thing worse
than Pyle as a man

and that's Pyle as a woman...
and with no shoes.

[laughs]

- Hey, Duke.
- Oh, Gomer, am I glad to see you.

- Listen, pal, you gotta help me.
- What's the matter?

Plenty. Remember that bundle of heaven
I was telling you about?

- The one I invited to open house tomorrow?
- The one from Phoenix?

The one that's growin' out
of all her clothes in that picture?

Yeah, yeah, that's the one.
Only she's not in Phoenix.

She's in town right now, a day early,
and I'm pulling guard duty tonight!

Oh, that's a shame, Duke.

If I ever needed a pal like you,
it's right now.

Well, gosh, Duke, I'd be glad
to take guard duty for you,

but you know the sergeant
won't let us switch our turns.

I know, I know.
So that leaves the next best thing.

Gomer, you gotta look after Francine
for me tonight. Will ya? Please?

- Well, golly, Duke, I don't know.
- Please, Gomer, you got to!

I can't let that poor girl sit around
with nothing to do. It wouldn't be right!

Well, gee, Duke, I understand, but why me?

Because you're the only guy in this outfit
I can trust!

- Aww.
- No, no, I mean it!

With these wolves around here,
I'd lose her in ten seconds

if I didn't have somebody like you around.

Golly, Duke, what'll I do with her, me
bein' a perfect stranger and everything?

Gomer, believe me, she's a doll. You'll be
proud being seen with her wherever you go.

What will we talk about?
I never have even been to Phoenix.

Talk about anything.
Take her out. She's a good dancer.

Do you think she might like to go
to a movie?

- Perfect. Take her to a movie.
- It's a Godzilla movie.

- Does she scare easy?
- No, no, no, that's great, just great.

A movie couldn't be more perfect.
Okay, that's all set.

I'll go phone Francine at the hotel
and set it up, huh?

- Thanks, Gomer. You're a real pal.
- Okay, Duke,

To tell you the truth, I wasn't keen on
seein' this Godzilla movie alone anyway.

[soft piano music]

Mmm!

How did you like the movie, Miss Francine?

Well, I thought it was entertaining.
How about you?

Oh, I liked it. It wasn't as scary
as I thought it'd be, though.

Either I'm gettin' older
or them Godzilla movies

just ain't as scary as they used to be.

Well, I enjoyed it.

Mm! Listen, I wanna thank you
for filling in for Duke tonight.

I don't see how I could have made such
a silly mistake and come a day too early.

- We're glad to have you, ma'am.
- Well, thank you.

Where do you wanna sit, Vince,
in a booth or at the counter?

I don't care. Let's just sit over here
at the counter.

- What's the matter?
- Over there. You see what I see?

Do you think that's...

- No, couldn't be, just couldn't be.
- Pyle's cousin.

- Who else?
- Maybe it's a date.

Are you kidding?
Pyle with a date like that?

No, you were right. You guessed
he'd have a relative like that.

And you were wondering if she wore shoes.

She's got shoes... stockings...

- ...and a dress...
- Yeah.

And they all fit so nice.

[groans] How do you like that?

You know what I am?
A boob. A prize-winning boob.

One look at the law of averages should've
told me Pyle had to come up with a winner.

- It never fails, does it?
- I should've known!

Af amity is entitled to only one Gomer.
Everybody else has to be good-looking.

- There's your proof, right over there.
- It figured. It just figured.

When I think of how he stood there
pleading with you

- to take her out and you...
- Yeah, yeah, don't rub it in.

Okay, so nothing's lost. Why don't you go
over there and introduce yourself to her?

I'm sure Pyle still wants you to meet her.

- No, no, no, no, no!
- Well, what's the matter?

- That's the way you'd do it, huh?
- Well, what's wrong?

You know what you don't have, Boyle?

You don't have any shrewd about you.

If I went over there now,
even a knucklehead like Pyle

would see through me like a window.
I'd be exposed as a hypocrite.

So we gotta play it with a little shrewd.

- Yeah?
- Yeah. I don't approach him now.

I wait until tomorrow,
like I never saw his cousin.

- Huh?
- Ah!

I must admit, that has more finesse.

- What's that?
- Finesse? Uh, shrewd.

Yeah. Yeah!

Tomorrow I'll call Pyle
into the duty hut...

...and then I'll say, "Pyle..."

I've been thinking.

What about, Sergeant?

You know, about what you said yesterday.

About wanting me to meet your cousin
and join you for the open house.

- You have?
- Uh-huh.

And you know what, Pyle? You touched me.

You touched me right here!

I mean, it ain't every guy
that thinks enough of his top kick

that he wants him to meet his loved ones.

And I meant every word of it, Sergeant.
Honest, I did.

Yes, sir.
There was a lot to what you said, Pyle.

I mean, the more of your relatives I get
to know, the more I'll know about you!

And that's my job as a platoon leader,

to learn as much as I can
about each and every one of my men, huh?

Go-Olly!
That's a wonderful thought, Sergeant.

It's just that I was so busy
with my work yesterday,

I really didn't have time
to give it any thought.

That's all right, Sergeant. I understand.

I'm glad, Pyle, real glad.

Because the fact of the matter is
I would like to meet your cousin,

- just like you suggested.
- You would?

In fact, I feel obligated.
That is if it ain't too late.

Oh, no, it ain't too late, Sergeant.
We'd enjoy havin' you join us.

That's good. That's good. [laughs]

I'll tell you what, Sergeant,
at the big dance tonight,

I'll bring cousin bridey over to you
and make all the introductions.

Ohh, uh, the dance tonight, huh?

Yeah, well, um... I think I can make it.

Well, it'll be an honor and a privilege
if you do.

You know, I really should spend time
with the relatives of all my men.

But at least let me start
with your cousin.

By the way, uh, what does she look like?

- Well...
- No, no, no. Don't tell me.

Let it be a surprise. [laughs]

Anyway, what difference does it make
what she looks like?

- Right, Sergeant.
- Yes, sir. Okay, Pyle, you're on.

And remember,
I ain't making no other plans.

Okay, Sergeant, and thank you.

[laughs]

Huh? Huh?

- Huh?
- Shrewd.

Finetts.

[contemporary dance music plays]

How do I look, Boyle? Everything in order?
How are the creases holding up?

A-okay, Sarge. All conditions are go.
You'll knock her dead.

- Naturally.
- Yeah, you look just right for a guy

who's gonna learn about one of his men
from a cousin.

Huh?

- Ohh, yeah.
- [both laugh]

- Vince! Hey, Vince!
- Huh?

There she is. She just came in.

Yeah.

Even better than last night.
She's a goddess.

And she's Pyle's cousin.

- Don't remind me.
- Say, where is he, anyway?

- You don't suppose she came alone?
- No. He'll be in.

He's probably checking her coat.
Look, we'll wait right here and...

How do you like that? He let Slater
take his cousin out instead of me!

- Can you believe it?
- It doesn't sound like Pyle.

It sounds! It sounds!
He double-crossed me is what!

Hey! Slater!

Over here! You... here!

- What's wrong?
- It's my sarge.

What does he want?

I don't know, but I better get over there
and find out.

[contemporary dance music plays]

- What's up, Sarge?
- You tell me, Slater, you tell me!

I wanna know
what you're doing with that girl.

- That's my date.
- Yeah?

And how much finagling did you have to do
with Pyle to get him to turn her over?

- Pyle? What's he got to do with this?
- Don't play dumb, Slater.

That's Pyle's cousin.
What are you doing horning in?

Well, Sarge,
there must be some mistake here.

That's Francine Gorski,
an old girlfriend of mine.

Huh?

Yeah. I paid her car fare
all the way from Phoenix.

- She's my date for the open house.
- Well, I saw Pyle out with her last night.

- What was he doing with her?
- Oh, wait a minute, Sarge.

Francine was with Gomer last night. He was
just looking after my investment for me

while I was walking guard duty.

But that's my date. Cute, huh, Sarge?

Then where's Pyle's cousin?

I suddenly got a kinda sick feeling.

I'm getting the feeling that Pyle's cousin
is gonna be

just like I thought she was
in the very beginning.

Looking like him...

...and with no shoes.

[sighs]

What are you gonna do?
Stick around and wait for Pyle's cousin?

Are you kidding?! I'm leaving!

Wait a minute, Sarge.
What about the theory?

- Remember the law of averages?
- Forget it.

The only law I wanna remember right now
is the first law of nature,

- survival of the fittest.
- Yeah, but suppose the theory is right.

Suppose Pyle's cousin turns out
to be a winner after all.

Why run? Wait and see.

Yeah, maybe you're right.

The least I can do is give it a chance.

- Why not?
- Yeah!

I can just keep a sharp lookout
from over here.

If she turns out to be
what I think she is, then I can leave.

- Hey there, Roger.
- Hey, what do you say, Pyle?

You haven't seen Sergeant Carter,
have you?

No, I'm afraid not.

Oh, by the way, Pyle,
this is my sister, Cynthia.

- How do you do?
- I'm pleased to know you, ma'am.

Now, you just stand fast, sis.
I'll go check your coat.

- Okay.
- Everybody's really havin' a fine time.

I think this open house was
a real fine idea, just a real fine idea.

Here you are, Vince, a little refreshment.

Oh, thanks, Boyle.
I'm gonna need all the energy I can get.

I'm speechless.

100% deaf, dumb and speechless!

Holy smoke!

Well, what do you think of the theory now,
huh?

See? That's Pyle's cousin.
And that's more like it.

Hey! Hey, Sergeant Carter!

Excuse me, ma'am. There's my sergeant
and I've been lookin' all over for him.

Holy suffering!
I'll never survive the introduction!

I gotta get out of here!

Excuse me, Corporal, didn't I just see you
talkin' to the sergeant?

- Uh, yeah, yeah, but he had to go.
- Do you happen to know where he went?

Hm? Well, he, uh suddenly remembered
he wanted to check the area.

Yeah, that's it.
He wanted to check the area.

- Well, is he comin' back?
- Uh, well, uh... I don't know, Pyle.

He might. Then again, he might not.

Well, that's too bad. I wanted to tell him
my cousin's bus from Stockton

- was gonna be a little late.
- You mean she isn't here yet?

Well, that's what I wanted to tell
the sergeant, that her bus was delayed.

But that girl I saw you standing with
over by the entrance, who was that?

Oh, that's Private Morrissey's sister.
Her name's Cynthia. She's real nice, too.

Oh, yeah. Real nice.

I better go see if I can find the sergeant
and see if he's coming back.

He'll really be disappointed
if he don't meet cousin bridey.

Yeah.

Vince!

Sergeant?

Sergeant Carter, are you out here?

Sergeant? Sergeant Carter?

Sergeant?

Sergeant Carter?

Are you back there, Sergeant?

I wonder what's happened to cousin bridey.
She should've been here by now.

- Don't worry, Gomer, she'll show up.
- And she'll have a lovely time, too,

- sergeant or no sergeant.
- Well, I sure hope so.

Well, I better go stand by the door
so she can recognize me better.

Last time she seen me,
I wasn't full-grown.

What say we have another go
at the light fantastic?

Love to.

[rapid footsteps]

[Boyle] Vince! Hey, Vince! It's me, Boyle!

Oh, it's you.
For a minute, I thought it was Pyle.

- He's been chasing me all over the place.
- Well, you can quit running.

- That girl wasn't his cousin after all.
- Huh?

No, she's Morrissey's sister.

Pyle was just trying to tell you
that his cousin's bus was late.

- You're pulling my leg.
- So help me, Vince, she ain't here.

In fact, she may not even come at all.
Say, uh, what are you doing?

Where were you going just now?

I just thought I'd go into town
for a while.

You know what?
Now it's beginning to bug me. I'm curious.

- Huh?
- What does Pyle's cousin look like?

- Is she pretty, ugly, what?
- Yeah.

You know what I'm gonna do?
I'm going back to that dance to find out.

- The law of averages?
- Who knows?

But this time I'm gonna play it safe,
real safe.

[slow dance music plays]

Vince! Hey, Vince!

What? Is she here?

No. I just wanted to make sure
you were still there.

- I'm here, I'm here. Where's Pyle?
- He's still over there by the door.

Gomer, I just can't get over
how much you've changed!

Golly, you've changed, too!
You really changed!

And just think, just a few years ago,

you was gettin' into the picture show
with me for half-price.

[laughs]

Tell me I'm dreaming, Boyle.
Tell me it's one of them mirages!

How about that? The law of averages
worked after all. Isn't that something?

Come on. Give me a hand. On the double.

Hey, the theory really worked!

Yeah. But I'm still glad I played it safe.

You never know about them things
until the last minute. Oh, boy.

- It's good to see you, it really is.
- Oh, and it's good to see you, too, Gomer.

- You look marvelous!
- Pyle!

- I've been looking all over for you.
- Hi, Sergeant. You've been lookin' for me?

- Well, I've been lookin' for you.
- You have?

Well, I've been around here all the time.

- Where did you look?
- Well, I...

Aren't you gonna introduce me
to your cousin? This is your cousin?

My cousin? Oh, no, this ain't my cousin.

This is Flora Beitermeyer,
my cousin's best friend.

- Huh?
- She come all the way down from Stockton

with my cousin bridey, just to see me.
Ain't that some surprise?

- Yeah, it sure is.
- I didn't even know she was in Stockton,

and then she decided to come down
with cousin bridey.

- That's who you wanna meet.
- Yeah.

- Where is cousin bridey?
- Oh, she'll be right back.

She went to the powder room
to freshen up a bit.

- Oh?
- Here she is now!

- Gomer!
- [Gomer] bridey!

[both laugh]

Come here. I want you to meet
my sergeant, Sergeant Carter.

- He's been lookin' forward to meetin' you.
- [Bridey] How do you do?

I wrote cousin bridey all about you,
Sergeant,

so she knows exactly
what a fine person you are.

- Just like you was old friends.
- That's nice of you, Pyle. Real nice.

So, you're Gomer's sergeant!

He's a lot shorter than I thought he'd be.

[Gomer] Just listen to me, spoutin' off
here like I was a regular matchmaker,

when I ought to be lettin' you
get acquainted on the dance floor.

Go on, Sergeant!

[slow music plays]

That was when I was 14.

When I was 15, we moved to Stockton.

Daddy bought a farm there.

Well, I didn't think
I was gonna like it there, but I did.

[laughs]

Of course, high school,
that was the most fun.

In my second year,
I was elected president of the 4-H club!

Well, we had all these fun projects to do,

and you know what I picked as my project?

- I was...
- Excuse me, bridey.

What do you say I get us some more punch,
huh?

I'm just dying of thirst,
what with the smoke and all. [laughs]

[laughs]

- Hey, Vince. Where are you going?
- I gotta get out of here.

Look, Chuck, do me a favor.

Go over to Pyle's table and tell him
I just got an emergency call.

- Huh?
- Tell him Headquarters called, anything!

- Just get me off the hook!
- Vince, you can't do that.

- Oh, can't I? Just watch me.
- [Gomer] Hey, Sergeant, wait a minute!

Oh, look, Pyle, I'm sorry, but I just got
an emergency call. Top priority.

I gotta get right back to the duty hut.
I ain't got a moment to lose.

- That's too bad.
- Yeah, I know, Pyle,

but that's the service for you,
work before pleasure. [laughs]

Gosh. Bein' that I hadn't spent
any time with cousin bridey alone

to catch up on the family's doings,
I was hopin' you might switch

and spend some time with Miss Flora.
You hadn't hardly spent any time with her.

Flora! Well, gee, I...

And I was really looking forward to it,
too, Sergeant,

but, well, if you have work...

- Well, I...
- If you've got work to do, Sergeant,

you just go right ahead and do it. The
corporal will be glad to take your place.

- Won't you, Corporal Boyle?
- Well...

- Y'all go on and dance and have fun.
- But, uh...

If you've got work to do, Sergeant,
you just go right ahead and do it.

And don't worry.
Like you say, that's the service.