All language subtitles for Gomer Pyle U S M C S02E18 Grandma Pyle Fortune Teller 1080p BluRay FLAC2 0 H 264-BTN_track5_[eng]

[marching band plays]

[male announcer] Gomer Pyle - USMC.

Starring Jim Nabors as Gomer Pyle.

Also starring Frank Sutton
as Sergeant Carter.

Fish, fish, you got any threes?

I've got one.

Good! I got a book.

Gomer, are you sure
you don't know any other game?

I know how to play old maid, but you
have to have special cards for that.

You need the rabbits and the firemen.

Play, Gomer.

Fish, fish, you got any nines?

- Fish.
- Fish.

Fish, fish, I got my wish.

Boy, what a way to spend a free Saturday.
You know what I wish?

- I wish I had $10. You know where I'd be?
- Where's that, Duke?

I'd be at that big crap game in town.
It's been going on for a couple of days

and there's more money changing hands
than you ever seen.

I heard Sergeant Crabtree in Company A
won himself over 200 bucks!

200? I heard it was 300!

$300? Go-Olly.

Fish, fish, you got any jacks?

- Pyle. Is Pyle in here?
- Right here.

You got a visitor down in the rec hall.

- A visitor?
- Male or female?

- Female.
- Female?

Hey, what's this, Gorney?
You been holding out on us?

- Is she blonde or brunette?
- Gray. It's his grandmother.

My grandma? You mean Grandma Pyle's here?

Good gracious alive!

Gomer! Gomer Pyle!

It's you. It's really you!

Why, I ain't seen you
since before I left for the Marine Corps.

That's right. Over a year.

You left exactly a week before
VMA Devereaux had her last spell.

Poor thing.

- Yes, I'm sure sorry to hear about that.
- Well, she was getting on.

But do you wanna hear something funny?

VMA had a sister in Fort Lauderdale
who died of the very same thing.

- Isn't that funny?
- Yes, ma'am, that's funny all right.

But tell me, Grandma,
what are you doing here?

You never did write
and tell me you was coming.

Why don't we come over here and sit down?

I wanted to surprise you.

I'm on a trip, Gomer,
up to visit Unis in Stockton.

- Unis?
- Your cousin Unis on the Beasley side.

Married that fella with the funny eye.

Well, she wrote up for me to come up
and I thought, "Shoot, why not?"

And while I'm going, I'll kill two birds
with one rock and stop off to see you.

Well, I sure am glad you did, Grandma.
I'm just delighted to see you.

Gomer, stand up and let me look at you.

My, my, how they've stretched you out!

You look awfully thin, Gomer.

Oh, but I'm solid, Grandma.

I don't know, you look pretty thin to me.

You know what can happen.

You can get thin and run down
and it could lead to the rickets.

Oh, Grandma, nobody in the Marine Corps
get rickets.

Well, you won't get them while I'm here.

- Huh?
- I'll tell you what we're going to do.

You go wash your face and brush your hair,

and I'm gonna take you back to the hotel
and buy you a nice, big chicken dinner.

How does that sound to you?
You're free to leave, aren't you?

Yes, ma'am.
And I sure would like to visit with you.

But I don't think I could eat
a chicken dinner.

I just ate lunch about an hour ago.

So what? You can eat again.

Anybody flirting with the rickets
has to eat often.

You know what you can get from rickets,
don't you?

- Bow legs.
- Aw, Grandma.

- Do you want bow legs?
- No, ma'am.

Well, go on then and get cleaned up.

Mm!

- You didn't finish, you didn't finish.
- Yes, I did, Grandma. I'm full!

[whispers] If you don't finish it,

they take it back in the kitchen
and make hash out of it.

- I just can't, Grandma.
- All right.

You always did look out after me, though,
didn't you?

I didn't want you to get the rickets.

You remember when I used to
come by your house after school

and you'd give me fresh milk
and spinach cookies

and then you'd tell my fortune
with the cards?

Yes. We had some nice times, Gomer.

Sure wished you had your cards
with you now.

- What makes you think I don't?
- You mean you do?

- Right here in my purse.
- Well, I'll be!

- You want me to tell your fortune now?
- Well, go-Olly!

- It'd be just like old times.
- All right.

- [Gomer] What's that?
- That's some slippery elm for gum trouble.

And, um, possum hair for the joint.

Oh, here they are.

I haven't used these much lately

since so many of the young folks
moved away.

It's mostly young folks
like to have their fortunes told.

Golly, If I had some milk
and some spinach cookies,

why, it'd be just like old times.

All right, here we go.

Now...

keep your eye on the jack of spades,
Gomer. That's you.

Well, didn't I used to be
the jack of clubs?

Did you?
Okay, then, keep it on the jack of clubs.

A-ha!

That's a good sign. Oh, yes, indeedy.

- What is it?
- A nine followed by a five and a two.

- What's that mean?
- That's 17, a lucky sign.

But ain't nine and five and two 16?

16 or 17, they're both lucky.

See, they're in the favored circle.

Anything from 15 to 18,
especially if you're a jack of diamonds.

- But I'm jack of clubs.
- Or jack of clubs.

- [gasps] Oh, my.
- Huh?

Maybe I better do this one over, Gomer.
They didn't come out right this time.

Well, wait, Grandma.
Does it say something bad?

- Tell me.
- I'll deal them over, Gomer.

No, no, if something bad's gonna happen,
you better tell me. It's best that I know.

Well, maybe you're right.

Maybe you should know.

- But I don't know if it'll do any good.
- What is it?

Gomer, something bad is going to happen
to somebody close to you.

Someone near and dear to your heart.

Oh, no! I hope nothing's gonna happen
to you, Grandma.

Oh, it probably won't be me, Gomer.

I'm pretty well protected by my charms.

It's somebody else close to you.
Who else is close to you?

Somebody here in the Marine Corps?

Well, there's Sergeant Carter.
Gosh, I hope it's not Sergeant Carter.

Well, it don't say who it is,
but that isn't the worst of it.

- It's not?
- No.

The worst of it is

whatever is gonna happen to your friend

is gonna be your fault.

My fault?

What is this, a barracks or a pig pen?
It's really hard to tell!

I see Marines, but then again,
it might be just pigs in Marine uniforms!

Did I hear anyone say oink?

Did you say oink, Miller?
Did you say oink, Labrowksi Huh?

All right, I'll give you guys
exactly 15 minutes...

What's this?

Come on, who left their shoe out
in the middle of the deck?!

Could be mine, Sergeant. What size is it?

What size is it?

Pyle, when?

When are you gonna get your head out of
a locker and shape up and be a Marine?

I've been lenient with you, Pyle.
I've been very lenient!

But I'm only human!
I'm not made out of steel!

When you joined the Marines,
you came in a knucklehead,

and you've been going downhill ever since!

I've had it with you, Pyle!

Do you know what I'm gonna have to do,
you knucklehead...

What's wrong, Sarge?

[whispers] I can't talk.
I've lost my voice.

What?

Do you guys realize what's happened?
The sarge lost his voice!

[all] Yeah!

And do you know
who made him lose his voice?

Yeah, hey, Gomer, nice work. The sergeant
lost his voice, and it's all due to you.

Oh, my, oh, my. Grandma Pyle told me

something like this gonna happen
and it did, just like her cards said.

What?

Nothing.

Oh, my good gracious.

- Hm!
- [whispers] What is it, Doc?

Well, it's not too serious, Sergeant.

You've, uh... strained your vocal chords.

What have you been doing, Sergeant,
screaming a lot lately?

Why do you do that? I thought after
boot camp, you cut down on your yelling.

[whispers] I got this knucklehead
that's...

Ah, ah, ah, ah. Now, don't try to use
your voice. You've overdone that already.

There's only one thing that's going to
cure this. Complete rest for 24 hours.

- [whispers] But I...
- Sergeant...

I don't want you to say
one single word until tomorrow.

No talking, no whispering, nothing.
Is that clear?

Good.

I'll talk to you tomorrow.

- [whispers] But I...
- Nothing!

Yes, sir, he's here but he can't talk.

No, sir, those are doctor's orders.
Sergeant Carter strained his vocal chords.

Yes, sir, yelling at a private.

He'll be taken care of, sir.
Yes, sir, I'll tell him.

That was Lieutenant Bradshaw.

He said you ought to learn to talk softly
and carry a big stick. And gargle a lot.

[knocks on door] Hello, Sergeant Carter. May I come in?

I just wanted to tell you that
I sure am sorry about what happened.

I know it's all my fault.

But I just wanted to say
if there is anything at all I can do

to ease your discomfort,
just don't hesitate to ask me.

"Get out before I kill you."

- Sergeant Carter?
- [whispers] Out!

But Sergeant...

[whispers] Out, out, out, out!

And then his face got all red
and he couldn't talk.

And it was all my fault because
it was my shoe that he got mad at.

Well, the cards told you.
Remember how the cards told you?

Yes, ma'am,
and I just feel terrible, though,

'cause he had such a fine and clear voice.
Why, when he called my name,

you could hear him clear
from one end of the base to the other.

Oh! It held together.

Wanna see who you're gonna marry, Gomer?

Well...

Looks like a Q.

Oh, no, that's an O.

I don't know any girl
whose name begins with O.

Aw, you will.

Peeling on the floor knows who you adore.

All right, Grandma. But what am I gonna do
about Sergeant Carter?

I just got to do something
to help that poor fella.

Now, don't you worry, Gomer.

I got something right here
that'll fix him up.

Calamus root, good for indigestion.

Now, here it is.

Yes, this ought to do it.

- What is it?
- My own mixture.

Alum, molasses and vinegar.

- It's really good, huh?
- Good?

Wendell Keef er took this all the years
he sang in the church choir.

You remember Wendell.
He always had a bottle in his back pocket.

Okay, I'll see if I can't get him
to take some.

Oh, sure. That'll do it.

Just get one spoonful into him

and it'll make him feel as good as new.

Thank you, Grandma. I'll do that.

I'll call you tomorrow.

This is rotten.

Corporal Boyle,
is Sergeant Carter around this morning?

No, he's in his bunk taking it easy.
Doctor's orders. What do you want?

- Well, can he talk yet?
- No, not a word.

Then I wonder if you'd do me a favor,
Corporal.

Would you give this medicine
to Sergeant Carter

and ask him to take a spoonful of it?

- Well, what is it?
- It's a remedy that my grandma gave me.

She's practically a miracle worker
when it comes to things like this.

- She said it'd fix the sergeant right up.
- Pyle, are you kidding?

Sergeant Carter wouldn't take any home
remedies, especially if it came from you.

[banging]

- What's that?
- He's banging his shoe.

Three bangs. He wants his coffee.

But this would do him so much good.
Maybe you can convince him.

Forget it, Pyle. He wouldn't take any
of your grandmother's medicines

and I wouldn't suggest it
for a million dollars.

But back home,
Grandma Pyle's practically a doctor.

Forget it. Hm, no cream.

- Pyle, are you still here?
- Uh, I was just going.

- Good.
- Well, give Sergeant Carter my best

and tell him the love of the whole platoon
is with him.

Here's your coffee, Sarge.

- [phone rings]
- I'll get it.

Hello, Sergeant Carter's office,
B Company.

Corporal Boyle speaking.

I'm sorry, Sergeant Carter isn't able
to talk to anyone this morning.

Well, that's all right, Corporal.
This is Commander Snyder.

I'm calling to have him test his voice.
Put him on, will you, please?

Oh, yes sir, Commander.

Hey, Sarge. Doctor's on the phone.
He wants to talk to you.

He'll be here in a second, sir.

Here he is now, sir.

Sergeant Carter, it's been 24 hours
since you've used your voice

and I think you ought to try it.
Now, don't raise your voice at all.

Just take it easy and speak to me.

[high-pitched] Hello, Doctor.

[high-pitched] Doctor! Doctor!

[high-pitched] Doctor!

[high-pitched] Doctor, Doctor, Doctor!

[high-pitched] Doctor! Doc!

[high-pitched] Doc! Doctor!

Huh.

I've never seen anything like this before.

Your whole throat
seems to have puckered up like an apricot.

Oh, it's nothing serious, Sergeant. It's
probably just something you ate or drank.

As a matter of fact, the strain
is entirely gone, oddly enough.

And your voice is back.

I see no reason
why you can't go back to work.

[high-pitched] Back to work?
With this voice?

The men would laugh their heads off!

Yes, I see what you mean.
Well, then, just continue to take it easy.

In a day or so, it'll return to normal.

- [high-pitched] Are you sure?
- Yes, I'm sure.

Of course, if it doesn't, you can always
join the Vienna Boys' Choir.

[chuckles]

Well, he's in sick bay.
That's all I can tell you.

Maybe he's getting his throat sprayed.

Well, is it all right
if I wait here for him?

I wanted to find out what the doctor said.

Hey, Sergeant!
We was just talking about you.

But I wanted to find out
what the doctor said.

- Pyle, I think you'd better go.
- Well, all right.

But first,
can you tell me if you can talk?

You mean you can't?
Well, I thought sure you'd be able to

- after you had some of Grandma's remedy.
- [Boyle] What?

What are you talking about, Pyle?
What does that mean,

after he took some of Grandma's remedy?

Well, it didn't work, so there ain't
no point in talking about it.

Come on, Pyle, let's hear it!

Well, Corporal Boyle said that
you wouldn't take it willingly,

so I took the liberty of slipping a little
in your coffee this morning.

Did you notice that your coffee
tasted a little funny?

Well...

Well, it wasn't nothing harmful. It was
just some vinegar and alum and molasses.

[high-pitched] You put that in my coffee?

Praise be! It's back!
He got his voice back. It's back!

[high-pitched] You lame brain!
You numbskull!

[high-pitched] Out, out!
Out, out, out, out, out, out!

[high-pitched] I'll get you for this!

You see, Gomer?
I told you his voice would come back.

But his voice sure is high, Grandma.
Why is it so high?

- How high is it?
- Well, it's not even like a talking voice.

It's more like a singing voice.

You remember little Rosemary Pickett
back home when she'd hurt herself?

- Well, it's kind of like that.
- It's like Wendell Keef er.

He had a beautiful voice
after one good dose.

In fact, some folks thought
he sounded like a boy soprano.

That's what they said, he sounded like
a 56-year-old boy soprano.

- Well, the sergeant sure is high.
- Well, that's right.

That's the way it's supposed to be.
Later on it'll come down.

Well, high or low, it sure is good
to hear his voice again.

- And it's all because of you.
- Oh, it's nothing, Gomer, nothing.

- Have you finished with your tea, Gomer?
- Yes, ma'am, and it sure was good.

Thank you. I guess I better be
getting back to the base now.

- Oh, Gomer, wait a minute.
- What's the matter?

Your tea leaves,
the way they're arranged.

You stay here, Gomer.
You can't leave this room.

- What's wrong?
- There's danger lurking.

There's danger for anyone
who's Taurus the bull.

And you're Taurus, ain't you?
April the 26th?

No, ma'am. Not me, Grandma.
My birthday's February 26th.

Pisces!

Thank goodness!

Because these leaves tell
there's terrible danger today

for anyone who's Taurus the bull.

You know anyone who's Taurus the bull?
Anyone born in May?

Well, there's my sergeant.
Sergeant Carter, he was born May 4th.

May 4th. Gomer, are you sure?

- Yes, ma'am. Why?
- Sergeant Carter is the bull.

Really? He's Taurus the bull?

He's as Taurus as you can get.

Go-Olly.

Gomer, you better warn him.

Tell him to stay right where he is.

Because if he don't...

Sarge, we gotta find someplace
for you to relax.

Now, you need...

Hey, I got a great idea.

Why don't you go to
that crap game in town, eh?

Did you hear about that, Vince?
Sergeant Crabtree won over 400 bucks.

[high-pitched] You want me to bet
with this voice?

You want me to say,
"Shoot, I got you faded!

Come on, Little Joe from Kokomo!"
with this voice?

- They'll laugh me out of there!
- You don't have to talk, Vince.

All you have to do is shake the dice
and throw your money out.

Vince, you need something
to take your mind off things.

Hey, maybe you'll win a pot full, besides.
Wouldn't that be something?

Without saying a word,
you come home the big winner?

What do you say?
Come on, it'll do you good!

Win or lose, it'll do you good!

Attaboy, Sarge! Go get dressed and go.

Anybody ask any questions, tell 'em
you got laryngitis and can't talk.

- [high-pitched] Yeah, yeah!
- Good, Sarge. Good.

Corporal Boyle, is Sergeant Carter here?
I got to see him right away.

He better not see you, Pyle.
He'll break you right in half

- after what you did to him this morning.
- But where is he? Is he here?

Pyle, you wanna stay alive,
keep away from him.

- But where is he? What's he doing?
- He's getting cleaned up, okay?

What for? Why is he getting cleaned up?

Because he's going into town,
if that's all right with you.

Oh, no! He is? But he can't do that!

Pyle, you better get out of here.
If he sees you, he's gonna blow a fuse.

Oh, my.

Tough break, Sarge. But don't worry about
the crap game, it'll be waiting for you.

They've been playing for three days.

- [high-pitched] Boyle!
- Yeah? What is it, Sarge?

[high-pitched] My pants!
Did you take my pants?

No! Why would I take your pants?

[high-pitched] Well, what am I
gonna do now?

- Why don't you just wear your uniform?
- [high-pitched] My uniform?

- [high-pitched] To go to a crap game?
- Oh, yeah.

I'll tell you what, Sarge.
Borrow a pair of mine.

[high-pitched] A pair of yours?

All set, huh, Sarge?
That wasn't so bad, was it?

Just go into town
and don't worry about a thing.

Who's gonna see your pants
under a crap table?

[high-pitched] Yeah. Swell.

I guess you're wondering what I'm doing
with this carburetor in my hand, Sergeant.

- But I can explain everything.
- [high-pitched] You do that, Pyle.

[high-pitched] You explain
and then I'm going to kill you!

I done it for you.
You see, you're Taurus the bull,

and my grandma says you got to stay put
or something terrible's gonna happen.

- [high-pitched] What?
- So I couldn't let you go into town.

[high-pitched] You?!

Uh-huh. I flattened your tire.

I took your pants.
Anything to keep you from going into town,

on account of you're Taurus, and if you
did, something terrible was gonna happen.

You see, it's a bad traveling day
for your sign.

[high-pitched] Are you finished, Pyle?
Fine.

[high-pitched] Because now it's my turn
and I'm gonna...

[Boyle] Sergeant Carter!
Vince! Hey, Vince!

Hey, you didn't leave yet.
It's a good thing. Boy, are you lucky.

- [high-pitched] Why?
- I just got a call from Corporal Wood.

- That crap game in town, it was raided.
- [high-pitched] What?

[Boyle] About a dozen cops came in
and hauled everybody off to jail.

Booked them all on gambling. Boy,
if you'd gone in when you started out,

you'd have been picked up, too. It's good
all those things happened to hold you up.

- [high-pitched] But you were the one...
- Yep, it was me all right.

- [high-pitched] But how did you know?
- 'Cause you're Taurus the bull.

[high-pitched] Holy smoke!

[high-pitched] That's amazing.
It's absolutely amazing!

[normal voice] How about that?
He knows I'm headed for trouble and...

Hey, Sarge! Your voice! It's back!

- [Boyle] It's back!
- [Carter] Yeah!

How about that?

That Grandma Pyle, she's a marvel,
an absolute marvel.

[Boyle laughs]

Well, it sure is a pleasure meeting you,
Grandma Pyle.

- Thank you.
- I don't mind telling you,

you practically saved my life.

I'm happy it worked out the way it did.

I know Gomer thinks a lot of you.
He was sure anxious to protect you.

Sergeant Carter told me
he used to never believe in things

like fortune telling and good luck charms.

But you sure changed your mind now,
haven't you, Sergeant?

Well, what can I say?
Look what it did for me.

Well, I'm gonna be leaving this afternoon,

so I just wanted you boys to have these.

What's that?

Hawks' toes.

You wear these around your neck
and you don't ever have to worry

about having neuralgia, arthritis,
pleurisy, influenza or the grip.

Hawks' toes?

- Here's one for you, Gomer.
- Well, thank you, Grandma.

And here's one for you.

[laughs awkwardly] Thank you.

- Oh, I'm sorry...
- What's wrong?

I think I threw my back out.

What about hawks' toes, Grandma?

Well, that's the only thing it doesn't
cover, a thrown-out back.

Now, let's see what else I have here.