All language subtitles for Gomer Pyle U S M C S02E16 Gomer Pyle Civilian 1080p BluRay FLAC2 0 H 264-BTN_track5_[eng]

[marching band plays]

[male announcer] Gomer Pyle - USMC.

Starring Jim Nabors as Gomer Pyle.

Also starring Frank Sutton
as Sergeant Carter.

And then, to top everything off,

the klutz drops his rifle right
on the Captain's foot. Right on his foot.

No kiddin'?
What did you say to him?

I didn't have to say anything.
The Captain said it all for me.

[laughter]

Sometimes you wonder
where they come from, huh?

Where do they come from?

Oh, yeah, we sure get 'em, don't we?

Yeah, like that prize I got, Pyle.

P.F.C. Gomer Pyle.

When it comes to hopeless cases,
he's the king.

And you've had him since boot camp?

I've had him up to here since boot camp.

Sure. That's why Vince
is getting prematurely gray.

You want to hear
some knucklehead Pyle stories?

You got a few days?

Hey, Vince. Speak of the devil.

Hm?

You see? Wait. I'm about
to add to that collection.

Pyle, you knucklehead, don't you know
the NCO club's off-limits to privates?

What are you doing here?

Yes, sir, and I hate to disturb you,

but I got an important question
to ask you, Sergeant.

Pyle--

For your sake, it better be important.

In fact, it better be close
to an emergency.

I don't know whether it's an emergency
or not, but here it is, anyhow.

Would it be all right if--

Get over here. Now, what is it?

Well, would it be all right
just for tonight

if me and Private Slater switched bunks?

Huh?

You see, private Slater's
got this special guard duty...

Two hours on and two hours off.

You see, he's got this upper bunk,
and I've got the lower bunk.

It'd be a whole lot more convenient
for him during his two hours off,

if he just slipped into the lower bunk
instead of climbin' into the upper bunk.

You came over here to ask me that?
That was the important question?

Well, in case you come looking for me
later on,

and looked in the lower bunk,
and I wasn't there,

not knowin' I was sleepin'
in the upper bunk, which is Duke's,

and my bunk is the lower bunk,
but just for tonight--

Pyle, will you get outta here?
Just get outta here.

Sleep up, sleep down. I don't care
if you sleep on top of a flagpole.

Just get outta here and don't
ask any more stupid questions.

Out. Out. Out. Out. Out. Out. Out!

[laughs] You won't believe this one.

You just won't believe it.

What, Vince?

You know what that knucklehead
came over here to ask me?

Not bad, Slater.

[sniffs]

Pyle, what is it?

What's that smell?

Oh, this? It's a sachet.

A balsam sachet.
Made out of real balsam pine.

- A sachet?
- Uh-huh.

It's good for clearin' up head miseries
whenever you get a cold.

All you do is take a deep sniff--

Knock it off!

Pyle, a sachet is not regulation.

A sachet has never been regulation.

Therefore, you do not now,
nor will you ever,

have a good reason to have a balsam sachet
in your footlocker.

- You understand?
- Yes, sir.

What's this doing there?

That? Oh, that's a good-luck troll.

Troll? A good luck troll?

Yes, sir. That's supposed to keep you
from gettin' that cold

that the balsam sachet's
supposed to clear up.

Pyle, what are you?
A Marine or a medicine man?

This isn't a footlocker.

It's a traveling salesman's sample case.
Get rid of all this junk, you hear me?

I want it all out.

Everything I see and smell,

and everything I can't see and smell.

I want everything
that is not regulation...

Wait a minute.

Where's your rifle?

My rifle?

Yeah, your rifle. That long metal thing
with the wooden handle?

The thing you eat, sleep,
and breathe with?

The thing you're not supposed to let out
of your sight for one second. Your rifle.

Oh, I know that, Sergeant.

Well, where is it? Where is it?

Well, I loaned it to Private O'Neill
over in Company A

You loaned it? You loaned your rifle?

Pyle, do you realize you could be
thrown out of the corps for this?

It was just for an hour,
until he got his back from Ordnance.

You see got this
special honor-guard duty--

I don't care if he's got
a pipeline to heaven.

Pyle, that is your rifle, and you better
get it back right now, this minute,

or I'll have you court-marti a led for sure.
Now, move it!

Yes, sir. I'll be real firm.
Don't you worry.

A good-luck troll.

You know, they ain't
such good luck after all.

You know how many colds
I've had this year?

Get outta here!

Sachet bags, good-luck trolls, no rifle.

He's really gettin' to you, isn't he?

Gettin' to me? I got news for you.
He's already there.

Hey, you know somethin'?

You could use a furlough,
a little vacation. That's what I think.

- Sure, sure.
- I mean it, Vince.

Pyle is no different last week
than he was last year.

The reason he's gettin' to you
is you're overwrought.

What's that?

Overwrought?

Overtired, overworked... overwrought.

And you know who it is
that's rottin' me over?

That's what I say.
Time to get away for a while.

No, I don't think I could swing it.
I got too much to do.

Well, it was just an idea.

Wait a minute.

Yeah, of course.

If you can't take Mohammed
away from the mountain,

the only thing left to do is to take
the mountain away from Mohammed.

I don't think you got that right.

Who cares?
Whatever it is, I got a brainstorm.

What are you talkin' about, Vince?

Don't you get it?
Maybe I can't go on a vacation,

but Pyle can if I give him a furlough.

A furlough? Two seconds ago,
you wanted to kill him.

Now you want to do him a favor.

Not him. Me, me!

I'm gonna do me a favor
by getting rid of Pyle any way I can.

Oh!

Yeah. It'll be just like a vacation,
being away from him.

Huh? Smart, smart, smart.

Here, get to work on his papers.
Come on. On the double.

Okay, Vince.

Yeah.

I don't know about Pyle,
but this is one vacation

I'm really lookin' forward to.

Well, type. Type. Type!

[laughs]

Hey, Sergeant.

Hello, Pyle.

You know, Pyle, I've been watching you.

I don't blame you one bit, Sergeant,

especially after the way
I provoked you this morning

at the inspection by not havin' my rifle.

Don't you worry, I got it back now.

I could throw the book at you,
you know that, don't you?

But you know something, Pyle?

Lookin' at you right now, I don't see
the knucklehead I thought I'd see.

- You don't?
- [Carter] No.

I see a tired Marine.

- Tired?
- That's right.

Now that you mention it,

I was stirrin' around a little more
than usual last night.

But that happens every time
we have them "C" rations,

especially if it's ham and lima beans.
They--

No, no. That's not what I'm talking about.

I mean you've been pushing too hard
lately.

The pressure's catching up to you.

You're jumpy, edgy... all tensed up.

I am?

That's right, Pyle.
You're as tense as they come.

And a tense Marine is a bad Marine.
You know what I mean?

Yeah, I know, Sergeant.

But it's funny, I don't feel a bit tense.

As a matter of fact, I feel real relaxed.

Policin' up always relaxes me.

Uh, Pyle, you're tense, you hear me?
You're tense. You just don't know it.

Well, if you say so, Sergeant.

Okay.

So in the interest of keeping the platoon
razor-sharp in all departments,

I hereby authorize you a one-week furlough
effective immediately.

Here.

Furlough? B-but, Sergeant,

I know you're just lookin' after
my well-bein',

but I don't need no furlough.

Well, look, Pyle, you want to be
a good Marine, don't you?

Yes, sir. You know I do.

Then just take the furlough
and don't ask questions.

But wait a minute, Sergeant.
I don't want to go on no furlough.

Well, that's just tough.
You need it, so you're gonna take it.

If you're so stupid you don't know you're
going to pieces, that's your problem.

But you're going on leave and that's
that. You read me?

Well, yes, sir.
But I'm still not too sure why.

Because you are tense!

You hear me?

T-E-N-S-E.

Tense! Tense! Tense!

Boy, of all the lucky breaks.

Gomer, I still can't figure out
how you swung it.

I didn't swing nothin'.

Then how did you get the furlough?

Sergeant Carter said
it's 'cause I was tense.

The only thing is, I don't feel tense.
Do you think I look tense?

You're about as tense
as a bowl of spaghetti.

That's what I tried to tell
Sergeant Carter, but he wouldn't listen.

Gomer, for a guy with one foot in heaven,
you sure don't look too happy.

I just don't relish Ieavin' here.
No, sir. Not one bit.

What's the matter? Don't you have enough
dough to get back home?

Well, that's just part of it.

Fact is, I just don't want to go.

Why, for Pete's sake?

Well, back home
just ain't home no more.

This is my home now,
right here on the base.

Sure, I got friends back home,

but this is the place
I've been Iivin' and workin',

and, well, this is my home now.

Gomer, it's only for a week.

I'm gonna miss you fellers. I really am.

Frankie, I think Gomer's a lot tenser
than he looks.

Gomer, I think you could use a furlough.

And you know who I'm gonna miss
most of all? Sergeant Carter.

I take that back.
I think you could use a doctor.

Come on, Gomer. Let's go.

Just a minute, Private.

Okay, fellas.

Who's that? Certainly not Marines.

No, they're civilian work personnel.
They work on the base.

I knew we had civilians
workin' on the base.

I just never seen 'em in a group
like that.

- Here you are. Have fun.
- Huh?

Have fun. You're going on furlough,
aren't you?

Yeah.

Hey, can anybody get a job
here on base, even a Marine?

Sure, I guess so, if you've got the time.

Shazam!

Hey, how's this, huh?

Good.

[laughs]

What's funny?

Nothing's funny. I'm just happy.

Oh, Pyle.

Yeah, Pyle. One whole week he's gonna be
gone. I can't believe it.

It's already showing on you.
You're so relaxed, I hardly recognize you.

Yeah. Really got something
to celebrate tonight.

Hey, two beers over here.
Put your dough away. This is my party.

Hey, you really are a changed man.

[both laugh]

Surprise!

Huh?

Surprise, surprise, surprise!

Pyle, what are you doing here?

Tendin' bar.
And when I seen it was you,

I made sure to fill up
the glasses real careful-like

so you wouldn't be payin'
for a lot of foam.

Some bartenders ain't even conscientious.

They just open up that tap--

- Hold it. Hold it. Hold it.
- Yes, sir.

Pyle, what are you doing here?

Yeah. We thought you were on leave.

I am, I am. I've already used up
one entire day, too.

But you're here on the base. Why? Why?

Just like you see.

I got me a civilian job
as the substitute bartender.

You what?

Now I be on furlough and still be near
you and my other friends.

Can you believe it?

Can you believe it?

Yes, sir, I never thought a man
could be so lucky.

Well, gentlemen, Skol.

They say that a lot here.

Pyle!

Pyle, you stupid! Look what you've done.

Don't you worry, though. I'll have
you cleaned up in just a jiffy.

They say that beer don't stain
nothin' like hard liquor.

What are you?
Gum on my shoe or somethin'?

Get away from me, Pyle!
I don't need your help.

Yes, sir.
I don't blame you a bit, neither.

It was just plain foolish of me
to put that beer

where your elbow was sure to hit it.

I sure am sorry, Sergeant.

Do you like my luck, huh?

I get him a few days furlough,

a few precious days
without him buggin' me,

and what happens?
He shows up as a civilian!

There's no escape.
There's just no escape.

Come on, let's go. Let's get outta here
before he flips me into an early grave.

Excuse me, Corporal.

Oh, Pyle. You're taking a big chance

showing your face around here
after last night.

Well, I won't be but a second.

I just wanted to give you this
to pass on to the Sergeant.

Request for transfer?

I figure he can arrange it while I finish
the rest of my furlough.

You sure you want to do this, Pyle?

I am. On account of Sergeant Carter's
the last person in the world

that I'd want to make unhappy.

And since that's what I did last night,
was to make him unhappy,

I know it's time for me to clear out.

Look, maybe you ought to take
a little time,

you know, think this thing through.

No, I know the Sergeant.
He likes everything just right.

And if everything's just right for him
without me around,

then that's the way I want it.

Well, okay. If you got your heart set
on it, I'll put it through.

I'd be much obliged.

Excuse me, Sergeant.

What are you doing here?

Don't you know an orderly room's
off-limits to civilians?

Yes, sir. I'm sorry.

I just left something for you
with the corporal.

Okay, you left it. Now, get outta here.

Here. Here's what he left.

Huh?

- A transfer?
- Yeah.

Beautiful!

Beautiful. This is great.

No, it's better than great.
This is sensational.

You're gonna approve it?

You bet I am.
Like I never approved nothin' before.

Come on, let's put this thing
in the works. Quick, quick, quick!

Before somebody pinches me
and wakes me up. Come on. Let's go.

[laughs]

All right. Let's look alive.

This is supposed to be an inspection,
not a boy scout jamboree. Move it.

Inspection! Hut!

Look at this weapon.

It's, uh...

It's okay.

Whose footlocker is that?
It ain't even out.

Well, whose is it?

That's Pyle's footlocker, Sergeant.

Oh.

Platoon... halt!

Well, how'd they do?

Not bad, not bad.
A minute behind the base record.

Not bad. Not great.
You might say pretty good.

Yeah.

Well, if Pyle had been here, they
never would've even done that good.

[quiet chatter]

Talkin' about guys freezin',

remember that stunt
"Ironpants" Milliken pulled in '53?

The forced march in nothin'
but our skivvies?

- [laughs]
- How can I ever forget?

- Remember that, Vince?
- What?

The forced skivvy march back in '53.

Yeah, I remember it. Only it was 1955.

You're wrong, Vince. It was '53.

- Definitely.
- Yeah, Vince. '53.

Don't tell me. You callin' me a liar?
I remember it. It was 1955.

- Come on, Vince.
- [sergeant] What's with you?

Yeah, what are you yelling at us for?

I'm not yelling. Am I yelling?

If something's buggin' you,
don't take it out on us.

That's what those bonehead
privates are for.

Are you telling me
how to run my business?

Somebody ought to.

Maybe we ought to find
a more peaceful table.

It's gettin' a little too hard-nose
for me.

Fine. That's just fine with me.

Okay. Let's go.

Well, go on, join your buddies.
I don't need you.

I need you like I need
that knucklehead over there.

What's the matter with you, Vince?

Are you deaf? I said I didn't need ya.

Look, Vince, Pyle's been gone
almost a week already,

but it just don't seem
to make any difference.

What are you gettin' at?

[Boyle] Look at you,
you're as jumpy as a cat.

Okay, so I'm jumpy. So what?

It just don't make any sense.
Figure it out for yourself.

Pyle's coming back from furlough,
and he's transferring to another outfit.

- He'll be out of your hair for good.
- So?

So if anything should
make you happy, that should, right?

Well, I'll tell you what bugs me.

Pyle came to me a raw-nose recruit.

I worked on him all through
boot camp and after.

I yell myself hoarse
getting him squared away,

and now he's transferring out. Huh?
That's gratitude.

Well, I don't know. I never saw a guy

who hated to leave an outfit
as much as he did.

Usually when a guy transfers,
it's because he hates his Sergeant.

[Gomer] Excuse me, but would
you like something else?

A couple of beers, maybe?

I mean, they'd be on me.
Kind of a farewell present...

since I'll be clearin' out tomorrow.

[Boyle] No, we're fine, Pyle.
But thanks anyway.

Don't mention it. Don't mention it at all.

Bye, Sergeant.

See what I mean? Nothing keeps him down.

He's loyal to you to the end.

Loyal, huh?
He's transferring out, ain't he?

That's gratitude.

Vince, he's transferring out
because you don't want him around.

He'd rather get out of your hair
than make you miserable.

You do want him out, don't you?

All I can say is that's gratitude.

About the transfer orders
the colonel signed yesterday

for a Private Gomer Pyle...

Oh, yes. What about them?

Well, sir, I know it sounds crazy,
but I...

I approved them against
my better judgment, sir.

- You what?
- Yes, sir.

For the first time in my life,
I put a man's personal wishes

above the good of the entire outfit,
and, well, it just ain't workin' out, sir.

That's very interesting, Sergeant.
Don't you think it's a little late

to be telling me all this?

Well, I thought you could still
countermand the order, sir,

considering it's a question
of platoon morale.

This man Pyle is that important to you?

No, sir... he's not important.

Then what?

[Carter] Well, sir,
it's kind of hard to explain.

You see, he's kind of like a...

a spark to the platoon morale.

Yes, sir, that's it. He's like a spark.

You mean he more or less stands out?

Oh, yes, sir.

There ain't a day goes by I don't single
him out for one thing or another.

Well, it's a bit irregular,
but I'll see what I can do.

Thank you, sir.
It'll be good having him back.

I mean, as the spark.

Those are my transfer papers, Sergeant.

You didn't have to bother yourself
bringin' 'em.

I was gonna come and get 'em.

No trouble at all, Pyle.

Not that I don't appreciate
you bringin' 'em.

I'm real glad you did. It gives me
a chance to say goodbye for the last time.

I got news for you, Pyle.

You're not saying goodbye to nothing
except these transfer papers.

Huh?

That's right, Pyle.

Just like this, see?
Into nice little pieces.

You mean I ain't bein' transferred out?

[Carter] That's right, Pyle. Affirmative.

You should know by now that nobody,
but nobody,

transfers out of my outfit
unless I tell 'em to.

You got that?

I sure have.

And I'm real glad to hear
you say that, Sergeant.

You know, I never did want
to transfer out--

Knock it off
and get that gear stowed away.

I sure will.
Since I ain't gonna be Ieavin'...

Pyle, of all the knuckleheaded,
pea-brained--

I'm sorry, Sergeant.

Pyle, do you know what you did?

I'll tell you what you did.

You struck a non-commissioned officer,
and that's the last straw.

You hear me, Pyle? The last straw.

Of all the knuckle-headed,
bird-brained...

You see those stripes on my arm?
Do you see them?

Look at 'em real good, because you're
gonna see 'em from now until doomsday.

You listen to me,
and you listen to me good.

Since you came back from furlough, you've
not done one thing right. Not one thing.

But that's all gonna change now,
do you hear me?

Yes, sir, Sergeant,
I hear you real good.

You don't slur a bit like a lot
of platoon leaders.

Every word's loud and crisp.

And, Sergeant, thank you.

Thank you? For what?

Thank you for the kind of time
and trouble you take with me.

Nobody except a real good friend
would do that.

Friend! Friend?
Pyle, I'm not your friend.

I've never been your friend.

I am your enemy, Pyle, your enemy.

We are at war, you and me,
and I'm gonna make sure

you never forget it, you hear me?

Yes, sir, Sergeant.
I know just what's on your mind.

Being a Sergeant, you got
to keep a respectable distance

between you and just a plain old P.F.C.
All feelin' of kinship aside.

Don't think I don't respect you for it,
either, Sergeant.

Oh, shut up, Pyle, and get outta here.
Move it. On the double!

You got exactly one minute to get back
to that barracks and G.I. that deck.

Now, you get outta here, and move it.

Yes, sir.

And, Sergeant, don't you even bother
countin', 'cause I'm gonna be there.

Come on. Move it.

Cut out the gab. Come on. Let's go.

Move. Move. Move. Move. Move. Move.

Hi, fellas. How about a couple of beers?

- Well, sure.
- Sounds good to me.

- How's everything goin', Vince?
- Fine, fine. Things couldn't be better.

Except that guy Pyle.

I don't know what I'm gonna do with him.

[laughs] You want to hear what he did today?

You won't believe it...

[all laugh]