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1
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[marching band plays]
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[male announcer] Gomer Pyle - USMC.
3
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Starring Jim Nabors as Gomer Pyle.
4
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Also starring Frank Sutton
as Sergeant Carter.
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00:00:31,907 --> 00:00:34,076
Well, well,
6
00:00:35,494 --> 00:00:37,621
well, does she have to tag along tonight?
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Baby, I had big plans for you and me.
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You said we were gonna be alone tonight.
Just you and me, alone.
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Come on, baby.
I haven't seen you in a whole month.
10
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What do you want me to do, Vince?
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Now, Eileen is an old friend
of the family's.
12
00:00:49,174 --> 00:00:52,427
She's staying with me, and I'm not
gonna go off and leave her by herself.
13
00:00:52,427 --> 00:00:55,264
But tonight? Tonight, of all nights?
14
00:00:55,264 --> 00:00:59,101
Sorry, Vince.
It's double date or no date at all.
15
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But it's late. Where am I gonna find--
16
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Double date or no date at all.
17
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Come on, be fair.
18
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I haven't seen you for a whole month,
19
00:01:07,359 --> 00:01:09,695
and at the last minute,
you throw me a curve like this,
20
00:01:09,695 --> 00:01:11,196
come up with a guy for a double date.
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It ain't fair. It just ain't fair.
22
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Double date or no date at all!
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[click]
24
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Yeah, sure, sure. I understand, Fred.
25
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It is Saturday night.
It is the last minute. Have a good time.
26
00:01:25,460 --> 00:01:28,255
Look, Fred. Can you recommend somebody?
27
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I thought of him.
28
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I thought of him.
29
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I thought of him.
30
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Him too.
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Okay, thanks.
32
00:01:39,850 --> 00:01:41,476
[sighs]
33
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I hate to bother you, Sergeant,
but could I have my pass?
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I didn't get a chance
to pick mine up this morning.
35
00:01:50,944 --> 00:01:51,945
Yeah, yeah.
36
00:01:53,196 --> 00:01:54,364
There.
37
00:01:54,364 --> 00:01:55,699
Thank you, Sergeant.
38
00:01:55,699 --> 00:01:56,950
[Carter] Hey, Slater, come here.
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00:01:57,784 --> 00:01:58,785
Yeah, Sergeant?
40
00:02:00,287 --> 00:02:03,624
You know, being a sergeant,
I don't ordinarily socialize
41
00:02:03,624 --> 00:02:05,459
with guys of a lower rank than me, but,
42
00:02:06,710 --> 00:02:08,045
well, I kind of like you, kid,
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00:02:08,045 --> 00:02:10,714
so I'm willing to make
an exception in your case.
44
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You see, I have this girl
who has a friend,
45
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a real gorgeous dish,
46
00:02:14,968 --> 00:02:18,263
and I'd be happy to do you
a favor and take you along.
47
00:02:18,263 --> 00:02:19,890
- [laughs]
- It's real nice of you to ask, Sergeant,
48
00:02:19,890 --> 00:02:22,684
but I'm already set for tonight
with my own girl.
49
00:02:22,684 --> 00:02:24,436
Nice of you to ask, though, Sergeant.
Thank you.
50
00:02:25,979 --> 00:02:26,980
[Carter] Slater
51
00:02:27,898 --> 00:02:30,233
- Yeah, Sergeant?
- Can you recommend somebody?
52
00:02:31,485 --> 00:02:33,612
Well, everybody in the barracks is gone.
53
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Except Gomer.
I left him reading a magazine.
54
00:02:37,783 --> 00:02:40,786
Never. I refuse to sink that low.
55
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[Bunny] Sorry, Vince.
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00:02:54,675 --> 00:02:57,803
It's either double date or no date at all.
57
00:03:04,893 --> 00:03:06,228
Hey, Sergeant.
58
00:03:06,228 --> 00:03:08,146
Hiya, Pyle. What are you doing?
59
00:03:08,689 --> 00:03:12,067
I was just reading "the real,
behind-the-scenes stories of Ann-Margret."
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00:03:12,067 --> 00:03:14,111
Do you know she hasn't had an easy life?
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00:03:14,111 --> 00:03:16,530
- Yeah, uh, look, Pyle--
- She's had her trials and tribulations
62
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just like the rest of us.
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00:03:18,198 --> 00:03:20,909
- That's all very interesting, Pyle--
- Just to look at her up on the screen,
64
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singing and dancing,
65
00:03:22,327 --> 00:03:24,538
you'd think she didn't have
a care in the world,
66
00:03:24,538 --> 00:03:27,624
but she's known heartaches
and disappointments. Just think--
67
00:03:27,624 --> 00:03:30,043
That's all very interesting,
but will you pay attention?
68
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I've got something important to ask ya!
69
00:03:32,337 --> 00:03:34,047
Yeah, Sergeant?
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- Have you got a date for tonight?
- No, I haven't.
71
00:03:36,633 --> 00:03:39,469
Good. I've got a big surprise for you.
72
00:03:39,469 --> 00:03:41,388
How would you like to go
on a double date with me?
73
00:03:42,472 --> 00:03:44,599
You want me to go on a date with you?
74
00:03:46,101 --> 00:03:47,102
That's right.
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Well, that's a real honor, Sergeant.
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00:03:49,646 --> 00:03:50,981
It really is.
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And I'm proud to know that
you think enough of me to ask.
78
00:03:53,775 --> 00:03:56,236
But I think I'll just go to the
movie here on the base tonight.
79
00:03:57,529 --> 00:03:59,489
That's how you're gonna
spend a Saturday night?
80
00:03:59,489 --> 00:04:00,949
Sitting in the movies?
81
00:04:00,949 --> 00:04:02,033
I don't mind.
82
00:04:02,701 --> 00:04:04,619
Well, look, Pyle, I can't let you do it.
83
00:04:05,162 --> 00:04:07,330
- Do what?
- Sit in the movies all by yourself.
84
00:04:08,206 --> 00:04:09,624
Well, I don't mind, Sergeant.
85
00:04:09,624 --> 00:04:12,002
Don't you worry about me.
I'll be just fine. Honest.
86
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Now, look, Pyle.
This is your Sergeant you're talking to.
87
00:04:14,796 --> 00:04:16,840
I can tell when you're putting on an act.
88
00:04:16,840 --> 00:04:19,509
- But I'm not putting on--
- You'd much rather go out with a girl,
89
00:04:19,509 --> 00:04:22,220
but being the shy, lonely
type of fellow you are,
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00:04:22,220 --> 00:04:24,181
you don't have a girl. I understand.
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00:04:24,181 --> 00:04:26,641
That's why it's my duty
to fix you up with a date.
92
00:04:26,641 --> 00:04:29,770
But I don't want a date,
and I ain't lonely. I'm very happy.
93
00:04:29,770 --> 00:04:32,063
You're just saying that.
You're not really happy.
94
00:04:32,063 --> 00:04:33,190
Yes, I am.
95
00:04:33,190 --> 00:04:35,859
No, you're not.
You're miserable, you hear? Miserable!
96
00:04:35,859 --> 00:04:36,985
Don't think so, Sergeant--
97
00:04:36,985 --> 00:04:38,945
And I'm not asking you to go,
I'm ordering you!
98
00:04:38,945 --> 00:04:41,406
- You're or--
- Ordering! Now you get dressed!
99
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You're going on a double date with me,
and you're gonna have fun!
100
00:04:46,620 --> 00:04:48,246
Gomer Pyle?
101
00:04:48,246 --> 00:04:50,749
What kind of a name is that
for a human being?
102
00:04:50,749 --> 00:04:52,083
What's a Gomer Pyle?
103
00:04:52,083 --> 00:04:55,420
Bunny, he's a very nice guy.
He's got a lot of class.
104
00:04:55,420 --> 00:04:58,256
That'll be the day,
when you come up with somebody classy.
105
00:04:58,256 --> 00:05:01,259
[Carter] He is, I tell ya.
He's from the south.
106
00:05:01,259 --> 00:05:03,220
So he's from the south. So what?
107
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What do you mean, "so what"?
Are you kidding?
108
00:05:06,306 --> 00:05:09,434
He comes from one of them
aristocrat families from the south.
109
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You know,
they're loaded with dough. Loaded.
110
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[Bunny] Vince, are you putting me on?
111
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Baby, would I lie to ya?
112
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Only when your mouth is moving.
113
00:05:18,443 --> 00:05:22,864
Love, take my word for it.
This Gomer Pyle is the real McCoy.
114
00:05:22,864 --> 00:05:25,659
Anyway, who does he have to be
for this friend of yours? Who's she?
115
00:05:26,243 --> 00:05:27,536
What do you mean, "Who's she?"
116
00:05:27,536 --> 00:05:29,162
That's right. Who's she?
117
00:05:29,579 --> 00:05:33,166
Well, she happens to be
something special, too.
118
00:05:33,166 --> 00:05:36,253
She comes from a very prominent family.
Society.
119
00:05:36,253 --> 00:05:38,046
Yeah, she's a society girl.
120
00:05:38,046 --> 00:05:41,216
Society? Where do you come to society?
121
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Are you doubting my word?
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Because if you are, you can just--
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[Carter] I'm not. I'm not.
124
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I know it's gonna work out great.
125
00:05:49,224 --> 00:05:50,725
Your friend and Gomer
will have a good time,
126
00:05:50,725 --> 00:05:56,940
and you and me can kind of sneak off
and be by ourselves for a while.
127
00:05:57,232 --> 00:06:00,318
[chuckles] You know what I mean?
128
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A society girl?
129
00:06:03,446 --> 00:06:06,449
And you're going out with her, huh?
And you were going to the movies.
130
00:06:06,449 --> 00:06:07,576
Come on, come on.
131
00:06:07,576 --> 00:06:10,036
- Golly, Sergeant. I don't know.
- What's the matter?
132
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Well, I ain't never been out
with a society girl before.
133
00:06:13,540 --> 00:06:16,084
The richest girl I was ever
out with was Elsie Tippet.
134
00:06:16,084 --> 00:06:18,169
Her daddy made false teeth
over in Mount Pilot.
135
00:06:18,169 --> 00:06:20,547
Stop worrying. It'll be fine.
Come on, get dressed.
136
00:06:20,547 --> 00:06:23,842
At least with Elsie Tippet, there were
lots of things we could talk about.
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00:06:23,842 --> 00:06:26,386
Gum conditions and loose dentures.
138
00:06:26,386 --> 00:06:28,597
I wouldn't know how to act
in front of a society girl.
139
00:06:28,597 --> 00:06:30,599
Look, will you stop making
a big thing out of this?
140
00:06:30,599 --> 00:06:33,184
It's just one evening.
Come on, come on! Move it!
141
00:06:33,184 --> 00:06:35,687
I don't know, Sergeant.
I'd feel out of place.
142
00:06:35,687 --> 00:06:38,815
I'm just a feller who used to
work in a filling station back home.
143
00:06:38,815 --> 00:06:41,818
- Pyle--
- I know about fillin' up tanks with gas
144
00:06:41,818 --> 00:06:44,613
and addin' a quart of oil
and fixin' flat tires,
145
00:06:44,613 --> 00:06:46,072
but what do I know about society?
146
00:06:46,072 --> 00:06:48,241
- What do we talk about?
- Who says you have to talk?
147
00:06:48,241 --> 00:06:51,036
Just sit! Now, look, come on, come on!
I want to see my girl tonight!
148
00:06:51,036 --> 00:06:52,537
Just sit? Well, I don't know, Sarge--
149
00:06:52,537 --> 00:06:53,788
Pyle, will you move it?
150
00:06:56,207 --> 00:06:58,710
Why did you have to tell him
I was a society girl?
151
00:06:58,710 --> 00:07:01,338
Well, honey, it never hurts
to have a little build-up.
152
00:07:01,338 --> 00:07:03,089
It makes you more desirable.
You know what I mean?
153
00:07:03,673 --> 00:07:07,552
Anyway, this boy you're meeting is
from one of them rich, southern families.
154
00:07:07,552 --> 00:07:09,638
I just don't like lying.
155
00:07:09,638 --> 00:07:13,558
If your father's a construction worker,
you're not exactly in society.
156
00:07:13,558 --> 00:07:16,561
Well, okay, but for tonight,
just let it be more glamorous.
157
00:07:16,561 --> 00:07:18,104
It won't hurt.
158
00:07:18,104 --> 00:07:22,567
Now stop bein' so nervous, will ya?
I want you to have a nice time.
159
00:07:24,653 --> 00:07:25,654
[door closes]
160
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Golly, Sergeant, I don't know
if I'm doing the right thing or not.
161
00:07:30,659 --> 00:07:32,619
Pyle, are you starting up again?
What's with you?
162
00:07:32,619 --> 00:07:34,913
You never been out with a girl before?
163
00:07:34,913 --> 00:07:38,375
Well, not with a society girl.
I just know I'm gonna feel out of place.
164
00:07:38,375 --> 00:07:39,751
- [doorbell rings]
- What do I know about society?
165
00:07:39,751 --> 00:07:41,086
Will you knock it off now?
166
00:07:41,086 --> 00:07:43,838
You've been whining and complaining
ever since I brought up this date!
167
00:07:43,838 --> 00:07:45,882
I'm warning you, if you don't quit--
168
00:07:46,591 --> 00:07:49,052
- Hiya, baby.
- Hi.
169
00:07:49,052 --> 00:07:52,180
Hey, I just got four words to say.
170
00:07:52,889 --> 00:07:54,224
Va-va-va-voom!
171
00:07:54,766 --> 00:07:56,559
You're all class, Vince.
172
00:07:56,559 --> 00:07:59,854
Bunny, I'd like you to meet
my friend Gomer Pyle.
173
00:07:59,854 --> 00:08:02,399
- Hey, Miss Bunny.
- Hi! Come on in!
174
00:08:02,399 --> 00:08:04,109
[laughs]
175
00:08:04,109 --> 00:08:06,695
This is my friend Eileen Carson.
176
00:08:06,695 --> 00:08:09,322
Eileen,
this is Vince Carter and Gomer Pyle.
177
00:08:09,322 --> 00:08:10,490
- Hi.
- Hello.
178
00:08:10,490 --> 00:08:11,616
Hey, Miss Eileen.
179
00:08:11,616 --> 00:08:14,703
Well, let's all sit down, shall we?
180
00:08:14,703 --> 00:08:16,371
Right over this way, Gomer.
181
00:08:16,371 --> 00:08:18,456
That is your name?
I got it right, didn't I?
182
00:08:18,456 --> 00:08:20,542
- Yes, ma'am.
- Oh, well, good.
183
00:08:20,542 --> 00:08:23,628
Well, now, there. That's better.
184
00:08:26,423 --> 00:08:28,633
Well, now that we all know each other,
185
00:08:29,509 --> 00:08:32,053
how about you and me
going out for a little stroll, huh, babe?
186
00:08:32,053 --> 00:08:35,015
What's the matter with you?
You just walked in through the door.
187
00:08:35,015 --> 00:08:37,100
Can't we just take a minute and talk?
188
00:08:37,100 --> 00:08:39,102
- Talk?
- Yeah, talk.
189
00:08:43,398 --> 00:08:45,567
Carson, was that your name?
190
00:08:45,567 --> 00:08:46,818
Yes, Eileen Carson.
191
00:08:48,069 --> 00:08:50,530
Bunny tells me that you come
from a very prominent family.
192
00:08:51,322 --> 00:08:54,159
- Well, actually--
- That's right. Her father's very big
193
00:08:54,159 --> 00:08:55,702
in the building business.
194
00:08:56,327 --> 00:08:57,537
Is that a fact?
195
00:08:57,537 --> 00:08:59,622
- Well--
- Yeah, you know that Kirby building,
196
00:08:59,622 --> 00:09:02,417
that 16-story job over on Fifth and Main?
197
00:09:02,417 --> 00:09:05,336
Well, her father had a lot to do with
the building of that, didn't he, Eileen?
198
00:09:05,336 --> 00:09:08,089
- Well, he--
- You're from the south, Gomer, are ya?
199
00:09:08,089 --> 00:09:10,467
Yes, ma'am, that's right.
I'm from the south.
200
00:09:11,176 --> 00:09:13,845
What business is your family in?
201
00:09:13,845 --> 00:09:15,430
My family? Well--
202
00:09:15,430 --> 00:09:18,725
Oil. That's the business
Gomer was in back home. Oil.
203
00:09:18,725 --> 00:09:20,101
Really? Oil?
204
00:09:20,727 --> 00:09:22,145
Yes, ma'am. That and gas.
205
00:09:22,145 --> 00:09:23,688
Gas?
206
00:09:23,688 --> 00:09:28,234
Naturally. Oil and gas go together.
Gas comes from oil.
207
00:09:28,234 --> 00:09:30,070
Oh. Oh, yeah.
208
00:09:30,070 --> 00:09:33,281
Well, that must be a fascinating business.
209
00:09:33,281 --> 00:09:35,825
- Well--
- Well, he worked the pumps himself.
210
00:09:35,825 --> 00:09:36,993
You did?
211
00:09:36,993 --> 00:09:39,454
Yes, ma'am, next to working the pumps,
212
00:09:39,454 --> 00:09:41,664
my biggest pleasure
was checkin' the dipsticks.
213
00:09:41,664 --> 00:09:42,707
The dipsticks?
214
00:09:43,625 --> 00:09:46,711
Yeah, that shows the oil level.
It's technical.
215
00:09:46,711 --> 00:09:49,255
Honey, there's more to this oil
game than you and I will ever know.
216
00:09:49,923 --> 00:09:52,675
But it's a wonderful business though,
and it's still there waiting for him
217
00:09:52,675 --> 00:09:54,761
if he ever wants to go back. [laughs]
218
00:09:55,762 --> 00:09:59,307
Well, now that we really
know all about each other,
219
00:09:59,307 --> 00:10:02,393
- how about you and me going--
- Will you relax, Vince?
220
00:10:02,393 --> 00:10:05,105
I haven't even asked them
if they wanted anything.
221
00:10:05,105 --> 00:10:07,190
Well, how about you, Gomer?
Would you like something?
222
00:10:07,190 --> 00:10:08,858
I'll have a lemonade, if you please.
223
00:10:08,858 --> 00:10:11,820
Well, all right. Lemonade.
How about you, Eileen?
224
00:10:11,820 --> 00:10:15,406
- Me too.
- Well, fine, comin' right up. Excuse me.
225
00:10:15,406 --> 00:10:16,825
I'll give you a hand.
226
00:10:20,745 --> 00:10:22,413
Baby, I thought that maybe you and me--
227
00:10:22,413 --> 00:10:27,585
Oil, huh? So, he's in oil.
And he's a very nice fella, too.
228
00:10:27,585 --> 00:10:30,463
Would I bring anyone who wasn't?
229
00:10:30,463 --> 00:10:32,006
Vince!
230
00:10:32,006 --> 00:10:34,342
Look, baby, after we finish our drink,
231
00:10:34,342 --> 00:10:36,094
how about you and me
going for a little walk?
232
00:10:36,094 --> 00:10:37,887
I'm dyin' to be alone with you.
233
00:10:37,887 --> 00:10:40,890
Don't be silly.
I can't leave Eileen alone.
234
00:10:40,890 --> 00:10:42,892
Well, she's not alone. She's with Gomer.
235
00:10:42,892 --> 00:10:44,185
Well, it's not polite.
236
00:10:44,185 --> 00:10:46,479
This is a double date,
and we should stick together.
237
00:10:46,479 --> 00:10:47,856
Well, what for?
238
00:10:47,856 --> 00:10:49,149
I did like you asked me.
239
00:10:49,149 --> 00:10:51,651
I got a friend for your friend.
Let her have her own fun.
240
00:10:51,651 --> 00:10:54,028
Oh, baby, we got lots to talk about.
241
00:10:54,028 --> 00:10:56,573
Vincent, will you please?
I got to fix the drinks!
242
00:10:57,448 --> 00:10:59,159
- But, baby--
- Open this.
243
00:11:02,745 --> 00:11:05,248
It's sure a nice place
Miss Bunny has here.
244
00:11:05,248 --> 00:11:06,332
Yes, it is.
245
00:11:10,378 --> 00:11:12,714
And she seems like
a real fine person, too.
246
00:11:12,714 --> 00:11:13,548
Oh, she is.
247
00:11:19,971 --> 00:11:21,806
Your friend seems very nice also.
248
00:11:22,348 --> 00:11:25,685
Sergeant Carter? Oh, yeah.
He's a real wonderful human being.
249
00:11:31,816 --> 00:11:33,318
Miss Bunny sure seems nice.
250
00:11:33,318 --> 00:11:34,485
Oh, she is.
251
00:11:38,907 --> 00:11:41,284
It's a real nice place
she's got here, too.
252
00:11:41,284 --> 00:11:42,452
Yes, it is.
253
00:11:44,370 --> 00:11:48,499
Here we are, kids. Lemonade.
254
00:11:48,875 --> 00:11:51,461
There you are, Gomer, Eileen.
255
00:11:52,045 --> 00:11:54,172
It looks real refreshing.
Thank you kindly, ma'am.
256
00:11:54,964 --> 00:11:56,424
Hey, it's such a beautiful night.
257
00:11:56,424 --> 00:11:58,426
How about you and me
sitting outside, huh, sugar?
258
00:11:58,426 --> 00:12:00,720
- Well, Vince, we can't just leave them.
- Come on.
259
00:12:00,720 --> 00:12:02,013
It'll be nice.
260
00:12:02,013 --> 00:12:04,307
Gomer and Eileen don't
want us just to run off.
261
00:12:04,307 --> 00:12:07,143
I know what. Let's all go
out on the porch and sit.
262
00:12:07,143 --> 00:12:12,273
No! I mean, I'm sure you and Eileen
have a lot to talk about.
263
00:12:12,273 --> 00:12:13,524
Come on, honey.
264
00:12:15,026 --> 00:12:17,153
- [chuckles]
- [door closes]
265
00:12:24,118 --> 00:12:26,371
It sure is a nice place
Miss Bunny has here.
266
00:12:26,371 --> 00:12:28,706
Well, I don't like
walking out on her that way.
267
00:12:28,706 --> 00:12:32,335
- It isn't nice.
- Oh, believe me. She'll be fine.
268
00:12:32,335 --> 00:12:35,171
Stop worrying about them
and concentrate on us.
269
00:12:35,171 --> 00:12:39,050
It's been a full month since I've
seen you, and I've had you on my mind.
270
00:12:39,050 --> 00:12:40,301
[Gomer] Excuse me, Sergeant.
271
00:12:40,301 --> 00:12:43,388
Miss Bunny,
how do you turn on the television?
272
00:12:43,388 --> 00:12:44,722
It don't seem to come on.
273
00:12:44,722 --> 00:12:47,558
Uh, you have to turn on the wall switch.
274
00:12:47,558 --> 00:12:48,977
Oh, thank you. The wall switch.
275
00:12:48,977 --> 00:12:50,436
I don't know why I didn't think of that.
276
00:12:51,145 --> 00:12:52,146
[door closes]
277
00:12:53,189 --> 00:12:56,818
Let's see, where were we? I remember.
278
00:12:59,445 --> 00:13:01,281
They're not having a good time.
279
00:13:02,156 --> 00:13:04,492
- Huh?
- If they were having a good time,
280
00:13:04,492 --> 00:13:06,160
they wouldn't have
turned on the television.
281
00:13:06,160 --> 00:13:08,621
This means they have
nothing to talk about.
282
00:13:08,621 --> 00:13:11,249
Eileen's not having a good time.
283
00:13:11,249 --> 00:13:14,335
Would you stop being so nervous?
What's the matter with you?
284
00:13:14,335 --> 00:13:16,337
Well, I feel responsible for her.
285
00:13:16,337 --> 00:13:19,382
She's my guest, and I want her
to have a good time.
286
00:13:19,382 --> 00:13:21,384
Well, she'll have a good time.
287
00:13:21,384 --> 00:13:23,886
Look, turning on the TV set
is a good icebreaker.
288
00:13:23,886 --> 00:13:26,889
They'll see some show they like,
and they'll begin to talk about it.
289
00:13:26,889 --> 00:13:27,932
Believe me.
290
00:13:29,350 --> 00:13:31,311
Excuse me, Sergeant. Guess what.
291
00:13:31,311 --> 00:13:34,439
There's a John Wayne movie on.
Don't you want to come in and watch?
292
00:13:34,439 --> 00:13:36,774
- No.
- I thought you'd be interested since
293
00:13:36,774 --> 00:13:39,068
it's all about the Marines,
and I just thought--
294
00:13:39,068 --> 00:13:40,069
Pyle!
295
00:13:41,779 --> 00:13:44,574
I thought sure he'd be interested.
It's about the marine corps.
296
00:13:44,574 --> 00:13:47,118
[chuckles] You see?
297
00:13:47,118 --> 00:13:50,663
They found a movie on TV
they like, and they're happy.
298
00:13:50,663 --> 00:13:52,040
Everybody's happy.
299
00:13:53,624 --> 00:13:58,087
- I'm hungry.
- You're hungry? Right now? This minute?
300
00:13:58,087 --> 00:14:00,840
Well, I'm hungry,
and I'll bet Eileen is, too.
301
00:14:00,840 --> 00:14:03,801
You know what we had for lunch today?
A salad, just a salad.
302
00:14:04,427 --> 00:14:05,928
Okay, okay.
303
00:14:06,512 --> 00:14:08,264
Why don't you whip up
some knockwurst and beans
304
00:14:08,264 --> 00:14:09,849
like you did the last time I was here?
305
00:14:09,849 --> 00:14:10,933
- That won't take--
- What?
306
00:14:10,933 --> 00:14:12,602
I thought we were going out!
307
00:14:13,478 --> 00:14:14,562
Out?
308
00:14:14,562 --> 00:14:16,814
Out. Yeah, out to a restaurant.
309
00:14:17,523 --> 00:14:19,150
I know they'll want to go someplace nice.
310
00:14:20,068 --> 00:14:22,904
Let's take 'em to the Starbright Roof!
311
00:14:22,904 --> 00:14:24,655
The Starbright roof?
312
00:14:24,655 --> 00:14:27,158
Well, yeah. Gomer and Eileen
are used to the best.
313
00:14:27,158 --> 00:14:31,079
We can't just take 'em to a hash house.
The Starbright Roof!
314
00:14:31,579 --> 00:14:32,830
Come on. Let's go tell 'em.
315
00:14:35,041 --> 00:14:37,335
- [explosions]
- Come on, honey.
316
00:14:37,335 --> 00:14:39,462
Vince and I have got a great idea.
317
00:14:39,462 --> 00:14:40,671
We're gonna go to dinner tonight
318
00:14:40,671 --> 00:14:42,882
at the Starbright Roof at the Drake Hotel.
319
00:14:42,882 --> 00:14:44,050
Come on. Let's get our things.
320
00:14:45,218 --> 00:14:48,930
The Starbright Roof?
That's the most expensive place in town.
321
00:14:48,930 --> 00:14:49,972
I know, I know.
322
00:14:51,182 --> 00:14:53,434
How'd an idea like that
ever come up anyway?
323
00:14:53,434 --> 00:14:54,811
Don't ask me.
324
00:14:54,811 --> 00:14:58,189
All I know is,
I wanted to go out with my girl tonight,
325
00:14:58,189 --> 00:15:01,275
alone, just the two of us,
for a nice, quiet evening.
326
00:15:01,984 --> 00:15:04,070
And it's turning into a nightmare.
327
00:15:04,070 --> 00:15:06,406
[explosion]
328
00:15:06,406 --> 00:15:08,825
Right now, I wish I was on
that beach with John Wayne.
329
00:15:13,329 --> 00:15:14,956
[slow music plays]
330
00:15:22,255 --> 00:15:23,881
Hey, Mac, is it gonna take much longer?
331
00:15:25,216 --> 00:15:27,427
[French accent] I can't say, monsieur.
332
00:15:27,427 --> 00:15:30,555
- If you had had a reservation--
- Yeah, I know, I know.
333
00:15:32,098 --> 00:15:34,183
Psst! Psst! Come here!
334
00:15:36,018 --> 00:15:37,895
Why is it taking so long?
335
00:15:37,895 --> 00:15:40,231
Well, what do you expect?
We don't have a reservation.
336
00:15:40,231 --> 00:15:41,482
Look, what about that knockwurst?
337
00:15:41,482 --> 00:15:44,652
No, no. Slip him something.
338
00:15:44,652 --> 00:15:46,362
- Huh?
- Slip him something.
339
00:15:46,362 --> 00:15:48,573
That's what you're supposed
to do in these kind of places.
340
00:15:48,573 --> 00:15:49,574
Now, go on. Go on.
341
00:15:52,160 --> 00:15:53,161
What are you gonna do?
342
00:15:54,203 --> 00:15:56,247
I'm gonna slip that joker $5
to get us a table.
343
00:15:57,081 --> 00:15:58,875
The girls are getting restless,
and so am I.
344
00:15:59,500 --> 00:16:01,711
You mean to spend $5 just to sit down?
345
00:16:01,711 --> 00:16:02,712
Shh.
346
00:16:03,504 --> 00:16:04,797
Uh, fella
347
00:16:06,007 --> 00:16:07,300
Monsieur?
348
00:16:07,300 --> 00:16:09,802
We'd really appreciate it if
you could find us something.
349
00:16:20,688 --> 00:16:23,774
Nothin' happened. Not a thing happened.
350
00:16:23,774 --> 00:16:25,985
- I'll just--
- Will you pipe down?
351
00:16:27,028 --> 00:16:29,489
Look, Charlie,
if you think I gave you that--
352
00:16:29,489 --> 00:16:32,992
[French accent] Uh, we are in luck.
A table just became available.
353
00:16:33,534 --> 00:16:36,787
I figured it would. All right.
Come on. You wanted a table.
354
00:16:42,877 --> 00:16:46,547
Some nice business that feller's got.
$5 just for shakin' hands.
355
00:16:46,547 --> 00:16:48,382
Pyle, will you pipe down?
356
00:16:48,382 --> 00:16:51,677
And if you get up to dance,
for Pete's sake, don't dance country.
357
00:16:51,677 --> 00:16:53,513
Remember,
that's a society girl you're with.
358
00:16:54,305 --> 00:16:56,933
Did you see that view, Eileen?
Is that something?
359
00:16:56,933 --> 00:16:58,559
Oh, it's beautiful.
360
00:16:58,559 --> 00:17:00,478
[French accent] Would you
care for cocktails before dinner?
361
00:17:00,478 --> 00:17:01,687
Well, I'd like to have--
362
00:17:01,687 --> 00:17:03,773
Look, as a matter of fact,
we're all very hungry,
363
00:17:03,773 --> 00:17:06,317
and we don't have a lot of time,
so could we see the menu?
364
00:17:06,984 --> 00:17:08,027
[French accent] Very well, monsieur.
365
00:17:08,903 --> 00:17:10,613
What do you mean,
"we don't have a lot of time"?
366
00:17:10,613 --> 00:17:12,073
What's the rush?
367
00:17:12,073 --> 00:17:15,409
We don't want to spend the whole
evening in a restaurant, do we?
368
00:17:15,409 --> 00:17:18,329
I mean, we do want a little time
to visit, don't we?
369
00:17:18,329 --> 00:17:21,040
Oh, relax, relax.
First, we're going to eat.
370
00:17:21,040 --> 00:17:23,960
Oh, Eileen, isn't this a nice place?
371
00:17:23,960 --> 00:17:25,211
Oh, yes, very.
372
00:17:25,586 --> 00:17:28,214
You know, Eileen goes to these kinds
of places all the time.
373
00:17:28,756 --> 00:17:31,008
How much do you generally
have to pay to sit down?
374
00:17:31,008 --> 00:17:33,010
- What he means is--
- [French accent] Madame.
375
00:17:34,637 --> 00:17:35,846
- Monsieur.
- Oh, thanks.
376
00:17:38,432 --> 00:17:41,602
May I suggest some pâté
de foie gras to start off with?
377
00:17:41,602 --> 00:17:45,940
[French accent] Or perhaps
some of our cheese tidbits? Or caviar?
378
00:17:45,940 --> 00:17:47,608
- Oh, gee, that sounds--
- Why don't we skip
379
00:17:47,608 --> 00:17:50,736
all that beginning stuff and dive
right into the main course, huh?
380
00:17:50,736 --> 00:17:54,073
Good idea.
All them appetizers can bloat you.
381
00:17:54,073 --> 00:17:57,994
[French accent] Then may I suggest
the fillet de boeuf à la giardine?
382
00:17:57,994 --> 00:17:59,495
It's excellent tonight.
383
00:17:59,495 --> 00:18:02,957
Good, good. That boeuf à la,
whatever you said, all around.
384
00:18:09,547 --> 00:18:12,633
I was just checking the menu
for the prices. Golly!
385
00:18:13,426 --> 00:18:16,095
Yeah, well, it's a very good restaurant.
386
00:18:16,095 --> 00:18:18,264
And it cost us $5 just to sit.
387
00:18:18,264 --> 00:18:22,226
Did you know that?
It cost us $5 just to sit down.
388
00:18:23,269 --> 00:18:24,895
[up-tempo music plays]
389
00:18:26,856 --> 00:18:28,441
This is your big oil man?
390
00:18:30,151 --> 00:18:33,362
Well, you know what they say.
The bigger they are, the cheaper they are.
391
00:18:33,946 --> 00:18:35,615
Now you know how he hangs onto it.
392
00:18:40,077 --> 00:18:41,829
Look, why don't we get out of here?
393
00:18:41,829 --> 00:18:43,956
We ain't had a minute alone, you and me.
394
00:18:43,956 --> 00:18:45,708
We're alone.
395
00:18:45,708 --> 00:18:47,543
Alone? This is alone?
396
00:18:47,543 --> 00:18:50,713
I'm having fun. I'm enjoying myself.
397
00:18:51,464 --> 00:18:53,674
Besides, I don't think
Eileen's enjoying herself.
398
00:18:53,674 --> 00:18:54,800
She looks bored.
399
00:18:55,384 --> 00:18:56,385
Huh?
400
00:18:59,972 --> 00:19:02,975
You see? She looks bored.
Come on, let's blow.
401
00:19:04,477 --> 00:19:06,604
Well, maybe you're right.
402
00:19:06,604 --> 00:19:10,316
Yeah, we can go home, and you and
me can have that minute alone together.
403
00:19:10,316 --> 00:19:11,359
Come on.
404
00:19:18,658 --> 00:19:19,909
Come on, we're going.
405
00:19:19,909 --> 00:19:20,993
- We are?
- Yeah.
406
00:19:22,828 --> 00:19:25,164
Here. Uh, you drive.
407
00:19:25,164 --> 00:19:27,958
Me? You mean you want me
to drive your car?
408
00:19:27,958 --> 00:19:29,543
- But, Sergeant--
- Drive, drive!
409
00:19:48,979 --> 00:19:50,439
Well, aren't we getting out?
410
00:19:51,190 --> 00:19:54,402
Bunny, listen, let's stay out here
in the car and let them go on in.
411
00:19:54,402 --> 00:19:57,113
Well, Vince, we can't do that.
412
00:19:57,113 --> 00:19:59,949
A minute.
Can I have a minute alone with you?
413
00:19:59,949 --> 00:20:02,660
- Are you comin' out?
- No, no, close the door!
414
00:20:04,537 --> 00:20:06,414
Pyle, listen, Bunny and I
415
00:20:06,414 --> 00:20:08,332
are gonna stay out here
in the car for a while.
416
00:20:08,332 --> 00:20:11,001
Why don't you and Eileen go in the house
and make yourselves at home?
417
00:20:11,001 --> 00:20:13,379
Well, heck's sakes,
we'll sit out here with you if you'd like.
418
00:20:13,379 --> 00:20:15,548
No, no! In, in, in the house!
419
00:20:16,090 --> 00:20:17,216
Okay, Sergeant.
420
00:20:19,802 --> 00:20:21,887
Vince, we really should go in with them.
421
00:20:22,722 --> 00:20:26,600
Why, why? Why can't I have a
minute alone with ya, a minute alone?
422
00:20:26,600 --> 00:20:29,687
Just you and me alone,
just you and me together, alone?
423
00:20:30,271 --> 00:20:32,398
- Okay! We're alone!
- Good!
424
00:20:34,984 --> 00:20:37,111
I can't find nothing on the television.
425
00:20:37,111 --> 00:20:40,156
Oh, that's okay.
I didn't really want to watch anyway.
426
00:20:42,324 --> 00:20:44,994
I'm sorry I haven't been more fun tonight.
427
00:20:44,994 --> 00:20:46,996
Well, I haven't been much fun myself.
428
00:20:46,996 --> 00:20:49,248
I guess I just ain't used to
a girl like you.
429
00:20:50,040 --> 00:20:53,419
- A girl like me?
- You know, bein' in society and all.
430
00:20:53,419 --> 00:20:57,381
I'll tell you the truth, I never have
been out with a society girl before.
431
00:20:57,381 --> 00:20:58,424
Really?
432
00:20:59,133 --> 00:21:02,094
I'd think a man like you went
out with a lot of society girls.
433
00:21:02,094 --> 00:21:04,013
Oh no, you don't get a chance to meet many
434
00:21:04,013 --> 00:21:06,932
society girls working
in a filling station way I did.
435
00:21:06,932 --> 00:21:08,893
And since I've been in the Marine Corps,
well, I just--
436
00:21:08,893 --> 00:21:11,604
- Filling station?
- Uh-huh, back home where I worked.
437
00:21:11,604 --> 00:21:13,606
You worked in a filling station?
438
00:21:13,606 --> 00:21:14,648
[Gomer] That's right.
439
00:21:15,816 --> 00:21:17,860
Is that what you meant
by "working the pumps"?
440
00:21:17,860 --> 00:21:19,403
Well, yeah, what'd you think I meant?
441
00:21:19,403 --> 00:21:21,530
Well,
I thought you were an oil millionaire.
442
00:21:22,198 --> 00:21:23,616
An oil millionaire?
443
00:21:24,658 --> 00:21:26,702
[snorts] That's a good one.
444
00:21:26,702 --> 00:21:28,454
Where'd you ever get an idea like that?
445
00:21:28,454 --> 00:21:30,873
You know, when we first met,
and Bunny was saying--
446
00:21:32,041 --> 00:21:33,793
Gomer, I'm not a society girl.
447
00:21:34,919 --> 00:21:37,755
- You ain't?
- [Eileen] No, Bunny just made that up.
448
00:21:39,215 --> 00:21:40,841
Why would she do a thing like that?
449
00:21:41,675 --> 00:21:43,427
She thought it'd make a better impression.
450
00:21:44,470 --> 00:21:46,138
Oh, isn't this embarrassing?
451
00:21:46,138 --> 00:21:48,098
[laughs] It sure is.
452
00:21:48,849 --> 00:21:49,975
Hey, you know what?
453
00:21:49,975 --> 00:21:52,937
I'll bet Sergeant Carter let
you all think I was a big oil man
454
00:21:52,937 --> 00:21:54,271
just to make an impression, too.
455
00:21:54,271 --> 00:21:56,273
Well, I wouldn't be surprised.
456
00:21:56,273 --> 00:21:57,399
[both laugh]
457
00:21:58,442 --> 00:22:01,362
Oh, Gomer, I'm so glad
neither of us has any money.
458
00:22:01,362 --> 00:22:02,947
Yeah, ain't we lucky?
459
00:22:03,906 --> 00:22:04,990
Come on.
460
00:22:09,703 --> 00:22:11,413
Shame, shame, shame!
461
00:22:11,413 --> 00:22:12,998
Shame on you, Sergeant Carter,
462
00:22:12,998 --> 00:22:14,875
for trying to make out
I was a big oil man.
463
00:22:14,875 --> 00:22:18,337
And shame on you, Miss Bunny, for trying
to make out Eileen was a society girl.
464
00:22:18,337 --> 00:22:20,756
Wait a minute. You mean you're not?
465
00:22:21,674 --> 00:22:22,758
And you're not?
466
00:22:24,510 --> 00:22:26,136
Bunny, you lied to me!
467
00:22:26,136 --> 00:22:27,763
I lied? I lied?
468
00:22:27,763 --> 00:22:31,559
You started it first with that fancy story
about that rich southern family.
469
00:22:31,559 --> 00:22:34,645
- I lied?
- Well, that stuff about her and society,
470
00:22:34,645 --> 00:22:36,063
that was pretty good, too, kid!
471
00:22:36,063 --> 00:22:38,983
If you hadn't lied about him,
I wouldn't have lied about her!
472
00:22:38,983 --> 00:22:40,609
What's that got to do with it?
473
00:22:40,776 --> 00:22:41,944
Plenty, bigmouth!
474
00:22:41,944 --> 00:22:43,654
Who are you calling bigmouth?
475
00:22:43,654 --> 00:22:44,905
Sergeant! Sergeant!
476
00:22:47,283 --> 00:22:50,661
I can tell you and Miss Bunny would rather
be alone, so we'll just leave you alone.
477
00:22:53,414 --> 00:22:58,752
[both yelling]
478
00:23:05,092 --> 00:23:06,719
Come on. Why are we still arguing?
479
00:23:07,386 --> 00:23:09,179
We were both wrong. Let's call it a draw.
480
00:23:09,763 --> 00:23:11,599
What do you say, huh?
481
00:23:12,766 --> 00:23:13,767
Come on?
482
00:23:14,685 --> 00:23:18,063
Well, you know what we should do.
483
00:23:18,063 --> 00:23:21,525
We should apologize to Eileen and Gomer.
That's what we should do.
484
00:23:22,902 --> 00:23:26,780
Well, uh, we'll apologize
when they get back, baby.
485
00:23:27,448 --> 00:23:31,327
They've gone for a walk,
and when they get back, we'll apologize.
486
00:23:32,703 --> 00:23:34,330
Come on, now. Let's sit down.
487
00:23:42,588 --> 00:23:43,756
I can't believe it.
488
00:23:44,673 --> 00:23:45,966
I can't believe it.
489
00:23:48,010 --> 00:23:49,053
Finally.
490
00:23:49,511 --> 00:23:50,512
[door opens]
491
00:23:51,096 --> 00:23:53,891
Sergeant Carter, it's almost 12:00.
492
00:23:54,350 --> 00:23:55,893
We got to get back to the base.
493
00:23:55,893 --> 00:23:58,228
I happened to notice
the time while we was out walking,
494
00:23:58,228 --> 00:23:59,813
and I rushed all this
way back to tell you.
495
00:24:00,064 --> 00:24:02,524
So what it's 12:00? What do I care?
496
00:24:02,524 --> 00:24:03,859
You want to go back to the base, go back!
497
00:24:03,859 --> 00:24:05,778
Me, I want to stay here!
498
00:24:05,778 --> 00:24:08,322
Now get out of here
and turn out those lights on the way out!
499
00:24:14,870 --> 00:24:19,083
12:00! I didn't know it was that late.
I got to get some sleep.
500
00:24:19,083 --> 00:24:22,044
Good night, Vince.
Thanks for a very lovely evening.
501
00:24:23,170 --> 00:24:24,546
Did you have a nice time, honey?
502
00:24:26,507 --> 00:24:27,549
I'll kill him!
503
00:24:28,175 --> 00:24:30,344
So help me, when I get back to the base,
I'll kill him!
39828
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