All language subtitles for Gomer Pyle U S M C S02E01 PFC Gomer Pyle 1080p BluRay FLAC2 0 H 264-BTN_track5_[eng]

[marching band plays]

[male announcer] Gomer Pyle - USMC.

Starring Jim Nabors as Gomer Pyle.

Also starring Frank Sutton
as Sergeant Carter.

"You've got to see
this place to believe it, Vince."

When I'm not working,
it's all sandy, white beaches,

a party here and there, sailing,
surfing, and beautiful hula girls.

Now I know why they put
the 'Lulu' in "Honolulu.'"

[laughs] That's cute.

It sounds like he's got it made.

Yeah, leave it to my old pal
Nick Hollenrate

to always get stationed
in the best places.

"I told all the gals here
about you, Vince.

And I've already got
a long, cool, tropical drink

sitting here in the shell of a pineapple
with a gardenia floating on top

just waiting for you." Hmm.

"If you can steal any time,
don't miss out on this.

It's once in a lifetime.

I got a house right on the beach
with plenty of room, so come on down."

That's great, Sarge. You going?

Am I going? Am I going?

Man, I got ten days
accumulated leave saved up.

Ten whole days I've been hoarding,
just waiting for the right opportunity,

and, brother, this is it!

"Am I going?" he asks.

- And would you like to know how?
- How?

Well, we got Marine jets winging
out of here every day,

and some of them go straight to Honolulu.

And who do you think is gonna hop
a ride on one of them little jet jobs?

Hey, that's great, Sarge!
You got nothin' to keep you here.

I mean, there's nothing coming up.

- You're in the clear.
- Good.

- Just this.
- Yeah? What's that?

A memo came through this
morning about the test for PFC.

Six of our men haven't taken it yet.

Huh?

Those meatballs,

in the Marines for over a year
and still privates.

Well, I want a whole platoon of PFCs.

In fact, I want a whole platoon of PFCs
before I go to Honolulu.

- When are they giving that test?
- Tomorrow.

Good. That'll make a nice
going-away present for me.

All PFCs.

I don't know.

What do you mean?

Pyle. Wouldn't you know it?

Wouldn't you know that lunkhead would
be one of the last ones to make PFC?

Wouldn't you just know it?
Boy, this steams me! It really steams me!

Sarge, a minute ago,
you were happy as a lark,

talking about your trip.

- Why let something like this spoil it?
- Well, it's important!

I mean, think back to what you were
talkin' about.

Hawaii, those sandy, white beaches,
the hula girl, the tropical drink.

Yeah, with a gardenia
floating around on top.

That's right!

You're right. You're right.

This is a golden opportunity
to go to Honolulu,

and I'm not gonna let them foul it up.

Believe me, I'm not gonna.

I'm just gonna walk over and
talk to them real calm-like.

Calm and easy, easy and calm.

Stupid, stupid, stupid!
The six of you, the last six!

Now, everybody else in this platoon
has made PFC except you six meatballs!

Now what is it with you?

Well? What about you, Lipton?
What's your excuse?

- I don't have one.
- That's no excuse.

[Gomer] Would you like to hear
my excuse, Sergeant?

- No.
- I got one, and I--

- I don't want to hear it!
- But it might explain why--

Pyle,
I said I didn't want to hear excuses.

- Is that clear?
- Yes, it is, Sergeant.

See, it's just that as long as you was
expecting an excuse from Private Lipton,

and he didn't have one,
I thought I'd tell you mine

so you wouldn't be disappointed.

Knock it off! Now, all of you, listen up.

That test is being given tomorrow,
so get on the stick!

Remember, it's for your good, not mine!

But I want all PFCs in this platoon!
Is that clear?

- [all quietly] Aye, aye, sir.
- I can't hear you!

- [all loudly] Aye, aye, sir!
- All right.

You take that test, and you make it!
I don't want to hear it!

I never did get to tell him my excuse.

What is your excuse, Gom?

Well, it's just that

- I wish I didn't have to take that test.
- Why? It's not hard.

That ain't what I'm afraid of.

Then what?

Well, maybe it won't make too much sense.

- Well, what is it?
- Well,

the fact is I couldn't be no happier
than I am right now.

To tell you the truth,
I like things just the way they are.

- Huh?
- [Gomer] Remember back in boot camp,

Sergeant Carter told us that the private
is the backbone of the Marine Corps.

Well, fact is I like being the backbone.

And another thing is I wouldn't
want people to think I'm gettin' uppity,

and that's just what the folks
back home might think

if I got me a stripe on my arm,
that I'm getting uppity.

Now you're putting me on.

No, I ain't, Duke. Honest.

So you see, I'm better off being a private

'cause I'm a whole lot better at
followers hip than I am at leadership.

- Gomer--
- [Gomer] So you see,

I don't care a whole lot about being
a Private First Class,

is what it boils down to.

Well, Gomer, you should. Take the test.

I'll take the test, all right.

But I know how I am, Duke.

If I ain't interested in something,
I just can't concentrate.

That's how I am. I just can't concentrate
if I ain't interested.

[pencil sharpener whirs]

[pencil sharpener whirs]

[insect buzzing]

[buzzing stops]

[imitates crash]

[yells] Read 'em and weep, pal!
Read 'em and weep!

"Sergeant Vincent J. Carter,

Marine jet X22007, nonstop,

destination, Honolulu."

Aloha and ta-ta.

♪ Bahm Bahm Bahm Bahm ♪

♪ Bahm Bahm Bahm Bahm ♪

Great, Sarge.

Four days from today,

I'll be wearing a garland
of flowers around my neck,

and will I be thinking of you?

No, I will not. Nothing personal.

What's in there?

You want to see what
the well-dressed Sergeant

wears on the beach in Hawaii, huh?

Well, what do you think?

One thing's sure, you won't get lost.

Can I help it if you got no taste?

What's the news on the PFC test?
Did the results come in yet?

Can you hear me?
Did you get the results on the PFC test?

- Yeah, I heard you.
- Well?

Look, Sarge, you're not gonna let this
spoil your trip, now.

Come on! Come on!
Naturally. I could have told you.

You didn't have to tell me.
I could've told you.

Pyle is the only one who didn't make it!

Sarge, you got five out of six.
That's good.

That is not good. I want six out of six!
That's what I'm gonna get. Six out of six!

Adams, Colorusso, Duncan,
Lipton, Pyle, Rigsby!

All of you, fall in
right here in front of me!

I just got the results of
the test you all took for PFC.

The following men made it

Oh, wait a minute.

Why should I waste all that breath

reading off the names
of those who made it?

It'll be much easier just to read
the names of those who didn't.

The following men did not
pass the test for PFC.

Pyle.

That is the whole list of
all the men who did not make it.

All the rest of you earned your stripe.
Everybody except Pyle, fall out!

Pyle,

remember the other day when
you said you had a reason

for not wanting to take the test,
and I didn't want to listen?

- Remember?
- Yes, Sergeant.

Well, now I happen to have
a little extra time.

I'm ready to hear your excuse
for taking the test and failing.

Let's hear it.

I'm waiting.
How did you fail that test? How?

I couldn't help it, Sergeant.

All the time I was taking the test,
my mind just kept wandering.

Wandering? How far could it wander
in that vacant lot?

It's like I told Duke--

Where was your head, Pyle?
Where was your head?

Like I said, my mind just kept wandering.

I kept thinking about all the happy times
I've had as a private.

- Huh?
- I just couldn't stop thinking about

the time that you told us that the private
was the backbone of the Marine Corps.

That's correct.
I'm still waiting for your excuse!

How did you fail?

- I'm leading up to it.
- All right, lead!

Well, it's like this.
If I pass the test for PFC,

then they might want me to take the test
for Corporal and then Sergeant.

- And I'm just so happy like I am.
- What?

The fact is,
I guess I just plain ain't interested.

- You ain't interested?
- I reckon not.

Uh-huh.

Well, I reckon we'll just
have to get you interested.

In fact, we'll just have to
get everybody here interested

in getting you interested.

All right, everybody, over here!

Now, here's the story.

Pyle is the only one who hasn't made PFC.

I want 100% PFC platoon.

And you are going to help me to get it.
How?

There's another PFC test
being given tomorrow,

and Pyle here is going to take it.

Now, this is an order!

You are all taking
a two-hour shift tonight,

right around the clock,

helping Pyle bone up
for that test tomorrow.

When he walks in there in the morning,

I want his head so full,
it'll be coming out of his ears.

You see, I think I know the reason
for his failing that test.

One word, stupidness!

So you are going to help him
get over his stupidness.

- Is that clear?
- [all] Aye aye, sir.

- Is that clear to you, Pyle?
- Yes, Sergeant.

I must be crazy to stick around here
and let you drive me nuts!

I don't know why I do it, but I do.
Every day, it's something different!

It's always stupidness. Stupid, stupid!
The same thing over and over

I got it! Hey, Garson. Garson

[snoring]

Garson,
I got the part about a seven into 45.

Oh, that's wonderful. What time is it?

- 2:15.
- I'm not getting paid for overtime.

2:00 to 4:00 is Slater's shift.

Where is he?

I was just coming for you.

The patient is all yours, doctor.

I've heard of night school,
but this is ridiculous.

- Hey, Duke.
- Hey, Gomer.

It's sure nice of you fellers to
help me out like this, you know that?

Yeah, I know that.

You're a good friend, Duke.
A real good friend.

We don't have too much time.
Aren't you sleepy?

No, I'm wide awake. I really am. See?

My eyes ain't even bloodshot yet.
I ain't the least bit tired.

Good. If you feel yourself getting sleepy,

just throw some cold water on your face.

- The main thing is to stay awake.
- I'm fine.

Okay, good. Let's go.

[snoring]

[snoring]

All right, men. Your examination books
are there on your desks.

I don't want you to open them
until I tell you to.

Now, you've got one hour, 60 minutes,
to complete this test.

If any of you finish early,

hand in your books
and leave the room quietly

because other men around you
may be still working.

Remember, no talking. The word is quiet.

Okay. Everybody ready?

- Go.
- [music plays]

[snoring]

I guess you heard what
happened to Pyle at the PFC test.

[slams]

Yeah, I guess you did.

Fall asleep Right in the middle
of the test, he fell asleep!

That yo-yo! Let me tell you something.

I'm not gonna let him spoil my trip.

I'm going to Hawaii,
and I'm gonna have fun!

Do you hear me? Fun, fun, fun!
I'm going to enjoy!

Sure, Sarge.
But aren't you packing kind of early?

I'm in a hurry.
When Friday morning gets here, I go.

The sooner I get away from Pyle,
the happier I'll be!

I've got to get this pressed
and pick up some stuff at the PX.

You got my travel orders typed up yet?

I was gonna do it this morning, Sarge.

Well, get moving!

I want them on the Colonel's desk,
ready for his signature, right away!

Okay, Sarge!

He fell asleep. He fell asleep!

[typing]

Hey, Corporal.

Well, look who's here. Sleeping Beauty.

I-Is Sergeant Carter around?

Look, Pyle, I wouldn't go looking for
Sergeant Carter if I were you.

I guess he is pretty sore at me, huh?

You pulled some beauts in the past, Pyle,
but this one tops them all.

I know. That's the reason I'm here.
I wanted to apologize to Sergeant Carter.

Well, he won't be back for a while.

- Oh, do you mind if I wait for him?
- Wait for him.

Thank you.

[typing]

- Hey, Corporal, did somebody just ship in?
- What?

I just seen that bag
on the bunk over there,

and I wondered if somebody was coming in.

Nobody's coming in, Pyle.
Someone's going out.

Sergeant Carter, if you must know.

- Sergeant Carter?
- Right.

- Where's he going?
- Honolulu.

You mean he's leaving?

That's right, Pyle.
You can't go to Honolulu without leaving.

It's all set, it's official?

It will be if I ever get these orders
typed and signed by the Colonel.

- "Effective 9:00 a.m. Friday morning--"
- Golly, when did all this--

Pyle, will you quit pestering me?

Now I know why Carter
wants to get away from you!

[typing]

You ought to wear sunglasses all the time.

You look kind of glamorous.

- Aw
- Oh, are you glamorous.

Vince, you're a glamorous animal.

- Aw, come on.
- [Shirley laughs]

[laughs]

Look, uh,
the sun gets pretty strong in Hawaii.

- You got any with darker glass?
- Sure.

Ah, how do you like it?

- It's not bad. Not--
- Hey, Sergeant.

These the darkest you got?

Sergeant, could I speak to you a minute?

At 1 :30 in the afternoon?
Isn't it way past your bedtime?

I know you're sore at me, Sergeant.
You got a perfect right to be.

But I just wanted you to know
that I'm sorry.

Good. Now beat it. I'm busy.
I've got some things to take care of.

That's because you're gonna leave, huh?

That's right, I'm leaving.
How did you know?

Corporal told me.
Sergeant, why are you leaving?

You want to know why? I'll tell ya.

To get away from a certain meatball,
that's why!

That's what I thought.
You mean me, don't you?

Do you know any other meatballs,
Private Pyle?

And all because I didn't pass that test,
and I didn't make PFC.

Sergeant, I feel just awful.

Just because I failed that test,
that's the only reason you're leaving?

I mean, if I passed the test,
you wouldn't go?

Pyle, if you passed the test,
why would I want to go?

There'd be such a celebration.

A banquet, parties I'd be crazy to leave.
Wild horses couldn't drag me away.

But you didn't pass the test,
so I am going.

Now, if you don't mind,
I have some packing to do.

Shirley, I'll take these glasses,

and some, uh, razor blades,
some toothpaste, some aftershave

Let me understand.
You want to take this test again?

- Is that right, Private?
- That's right, sir.

According to this report,
you've failed it twice within a week.

Yes, sir, I know.

I can't imagine why you
should have so much trouble.

I should think
the second time you took it,

you should have been able to
pass it with your eyes closed.

Oh, no, sir. That don't work.

Well, we want to see our men
try to advance themselves,

so it shouldn't be too difficult
to arrange another test for you.

We'll notify you
probably in about a month.

A month? Oh, no, sir, not a month.
I can't wait that long.

I got to take the test tomorrow.

That is,
with the Lieutenant's permission, sir.

What's the rush, Private?

Think you're going to get
the same questions yesterday?

- [Gomer] Oh, no.
- We keep changing the tests, you know?

The next one you get
will be entirely different.

I don't care. I'll take 'em all.
But I just got to take it tomorrow.

Well, this is a bit irregular.

Please, it's very important. Please, sir?

There's a group from A company
scheduled to take the test tomorrow.

You can sit with them.

Thank you. I really appreciate it, sir.
I really appreciate it.

All right, men, time's up.
Everyone stop writing.

Check to see if your names
are clearly written on all your papers.

Leave them there on your desk.
Return to your company area.

Just a minute, Pyle.
I want to talk to you.

Yes, sir?

How do you think you did, Pyle?

I'm sure I passed. I think I made 100%.

I'm sure you did, too. All right, come on.

- Let's have it.
- Huh?

The piece of paper you've
got hidden in your pocket.

Your cheat notes.

- My what?
- [lieutenant] You know what I mean.

The little special something you've got in
your pocket that helped you get that 100%.

You mean this?

That's really not
a very good picture of him.

Sergeant Carter?

This is what helped you pass your test?

He's the reason I got interested
in taking the test and passing it.

- Well, all set, Sarge?
- You said it.

In 45 minutes,
I'll be on my way to paradise.

Now, remember, for the next ten days,
you're in charge of the platoon.

- Keep them on the ball.
- You can count on me.

Good. Well, I guess that's about it.

My travel orders, you got 'em?

Huh? I don't have 'em.

What do you mean you don't have them?

You said the Colonel sent
them over yesterday, all signed.

He did. I put them on the desk.
I thought you took 'em.

Huh?

[rustling]

Well, look in the back!
Go through the lockers, everywhere!

[rustling]

Hey, Sergeant! Cleanin' up your desk?

That's a real good habit.

Wally, at the filling station back home,
used to say

if you'd keep your desk nice and clean,
you'd never misplace anything.

A place for everything,
and everything in its place.

He was right,
don't you think so, Sergeant?

I'm not interested, Pyle.

Whatever you got on your mind,
I'm not interested!

It ain't what I got on my mind.
It's what I got on my sleeve.

Huh?

You made PFC?

Surprise, surprise, surprise!

The Lieutenant gave me special permission
to take the test over again yesterday,

and guess what? I passed.

Yeah, yeah. That's great.

I not only passed, Sergeant,
but I made 100%.

Yeah, yeah. Congratulations.

The best part of it is,
is now you won't have to leave.

Yeah, yeah.

That's what you said, remember?

That if I made PFC,
you wouldn't have to leave.

Huh?

I didn't want to see you
transfer out to Hawaii.

Transfer? What are you talking about?

Wasn't you gonna transfer to Hawaii?

No, Pyle. I don't know where
you get your information.

I wasn't asking for a transfer.

I'm going to Hawaii on a furlough.
A vacation.

A vacation?

- Yeah.
- You was going on a vacation?

Yes, as soon as I find my travel orders.

My travel orders are missing.
Have you found them yet?

- [Boyle] I don't see 'em.
- Sergeant--

Not now, Pyle. Well, keep looking!
They got to be there someplace!

- But, Sergeant--
- Don't bother me, Pyle!

- I got a plane to catch!
- Not anymore.

Where are you looking back there?
Did you look under that--

I haven't got a plane to catch?

See, I thought you was Ieavin' for good
because I couldn't make PFC.

And in the PX,
you said if I did make PFC,

- then you didn't have to go.
- Yeah?

So I came by here earlier to
tell you that I passed the test,

and I seen your travel orders
on the desk there.

And?

So, I took 'em to the Colonel
and told him you didn't want em.

I'd go back over there and get 'em,
except he tore 'em up

while I was standing there,
in little, bitty pieces.

So it was just a little ol' vacation.
You wasn't gonna transfer out at all.

But what difference,
as long as I made PFC,

ain't that right, Sergeant?

And I did make PFC.

Hold me! Hold me, hold me!

You are surprised. I can tell.
Surprise, surprise, surprise!

[jet engine roars]

Boy, them jets sure do go fast,
don't they, Sergeant?

Whoosh!

[jet engine roars]

Hey, there goes another one.

You know, sometimes I just like to
look up at them planes

and guess where they're going.

Do you ever do that, Sergeant?

Just look up there and try to guess
where they're going?

Why I bet they're going to
different places all over the world.

Whoosh!

Now, there's what I call a clean window.

It must be this new cleaning rag I got.

It's really a shirt.

It sure does clean good, though.

You know where I found it?

In the garbage?

That's right. How'd you know?

I guessed.

Well, to be perfectly honest,
I can't blame anybody for throwing it out.

Now where in the world would anybody
wear a shirt like this?

- [jet engine roars]
- I wouldn't know, Pyle.

I wouldn't know.