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00:00:01,452 --> 00:00:04,720
♪ It seems today
that all you see
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00:00:04,788 --> 00:00:07,873
♪ Is violence in movies
and sex on TV
3
00:00:07,942 --> 00:00:11,576
♪ But where are those
good old-fashioned values
4
00:00:11,645 --> 00:00:13,945
♪ On which we used to rely?
5
00:00:15,149 --> 00:00:18,317
♪ Lucky there's a family guy
6
00:00:18,385 --> 00:00:21,386
♪ Lucky there's a man who
positively can do
7
00:00:21,455 --> 00:00:23,221
♪ All the things that make us
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00:00:23,290 --> 00:00:24,673
♪ Laugh and cry
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00:00:24,741 --> 00:00:29,828
♪ He's a family guy ♪
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00:00:35,436 --> 00:00:39,121
We now return to
Sesame Street. Now on HBO.
11
00:00:45,346 --> 00:00:47,240
Oh, hi, you guys,
how was school?
12
00:00:47,264 --> 00:00:49,514
Honestly, Mom,
today was kind of weird.
13
00:00:49,583 --> 00:00:51,967
Every kid in
school had to write
a list of five reasons
14
00:00:52,035 --> 00:00:54,902
Principal Shepherd is cool,
and then have
their parents sign it.
15
00:00:54,971 --> 00:00:56,955
What? That seems crazy!
16
00:00:57,024 --> 00:00:58,701
One time I saw
him pee in a urinal
17
00:00:58,725 --> 00:01:00,041
with his hands on his hips.
18
00:01:00,110 --> 00:01:01,493
That's pretty boss.
19
00:01:01,562 --> 00:01:04,145
Why would the principal
make all the students do that?
20
00:01:04,214 --> 00:01:06,831
I don't know.
I think he's going
through a tough time.
21
00:01:06,900 --> 00:01:08,600
He's in the middle
of a bad divorce.
22
00:01:08,669 --> 00:01:10,213
What?
How do you know that?
23
00:01:10,237 --> 00:01:12,471
He's actually been
pretty open about it.
24
00:01:12,540 --> 00:01:15,006
- Good morning, students.
- Today, at 3:30,
25
00:01:15,075 --> 00:01:18,076
James Woods Highwill be hostinga cross-country meet.
26
00:01:18,145 --> 00:01:20,546
Which also happens
to be where Lorraine
27
00:01:20,614 --> 00:01:22,225
has threatened to
take my children,
28
00:01:22,249 --> 00:01:23,649
across the country.
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00:01:23,717 --> 00:01:26,217
And here's today's
Tuesday Trivia question.
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00:01:26,286 --> 00:01:28,019
Does this sound like yelling?
31
00:01:28,088 --> 00:01:30,808
Because,apparently, this soundsto some people like yelling.
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00:01:36,346 --> 00:01:38,346
All right, finally.
Some peace and quiet,
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00:01:38,398 --> 00:01:40,478
so I can buckle down
and get some writing done.
34
00:01:44,754 --> 00:01:46,265
- Hey, Bonnie.
- What?
35
00:01:46,289 --> 00:01:49,207
Listen to this.
Say "It's all
been a pack of lies."
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00:01:49,276 --> 00:01:50,809
What? Why?
37
00:01:50,877 --> 00:01:53,979
Just do it.
Just say "It's all
been a pack of lies."
38
00:01:54,048 --> 00:01:56,148
It's all been a pack of lies.
39
00:01:58,852 --> 00:02:00,869
That sounded really good!
40
00:02:00,938 --> 00:02:03,372
Thanks, babe. Do you know
what that song is about?
41
00:02:03,440 --> 00:02:07,175
Phil Collins watching some guy
watch another guy drown.
42
00:02:07,244 --> 00:02:09,677
And then, the next night,
he invited the watching guy
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00:02:09,746 --> 00:02:11,557
to be in the front
row of his concert
44
00:02:11,581 --> 00:02:15,050
so he could
sing it right to him
and then could arrest the guy.
45
00:02:15,119 --> 00:02:16,596
Really?
Why wouldn't he have
46
00:02:16,620 --> 00:02:18,987
just helped
the guy who was drowning?
47
00:02:19,056 --> 00:02:21,701
I don't know. I think
it was on a bridge
or something, like,
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00:02:21,725 --> 00:02:24,393
he could see it, but,
he couldn't get there in time.
49
00:02:24,461 --> 00:02:28,196
- But he let a whole day pass?
- Why didn't he call the cops?
50
00:02:28,265 --> 00:02:30,110
'Cause he was
busy writing the song.
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00:02:30,134 --> 00:02:32,100
Wait.
If he just watched,
52
00:02:32,169 --> 00:02:34,469
doesn't that also
make him a little guilty?
53
00:02:34,538 --> 00:02:37,284
Look, I'm not saying
we wouldn't bring Phil Collins
in for questioning.
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00:02:37,308 --> 00:02:39,908
I feel like maybe
this story is bogus!
55
00:02:39,977 --> 00:02:41,977
Now, hang on.
Let me check Snopes.
56
00:02:43,414 --> 00:02:44,679
Yeah, none of that happened.
57
00:02:46,016 --> 00:02:47,699
Hey, what's up?
58
00:02:47,767 --> 00:02:50,635
Well, I'm trying
to work on a sequel
to The Old Man and the Sea.
59
00:02:50,704 --> 00:02:52,415
Are you...
Are you allowed to do that?
60
00:02:52,439 --> 00:02:55,174
But I can't get anything done.
It's so damn loud around here.
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00:02:55,242 --> 00:02:57,437
Oh, yeah,
that's what Hemingway
used to complain about.
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00:02:57,461 --> 00:02:59,978
"This Spanish Civil War
is just too loud!
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00:03:00,046 --> 00:03:01,774
"How am I supposed
to get anything done?"
64
00:03:01,798 --> 00:03:03,916
No, I mean,
it might sound silly, but,
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00:03:03,984 --> 00:03:06,518
I used to daydream that by now
I would have my own place
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00:03:06,587 --> 00:03:07,786
by a lake somewhere.
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00:03:07,855 --> 00:03:09,765
An oasis where I
could go to write.
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00:03:09,789 --> 00:03:11,873
Pay the bills by
renting out the rooms.
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00:03:11,942 --> 00:03:14,109
Like a B and B?
That could be fun.
70
00:03:14,177 --> 00:03:15,539
What?
What are you talking about?
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00:03:15,563 --> 00:03:17,795
I'm talking about you and me
opening a B and B!
72
00:03:17,864 --> 00:03:19,759
Are you serious?
That'd be great!
73
00:03:19,783 --> 00:03:20,911
Sure, it will be fun.
74
00:03:20,935 --> 00:03:22,429
All right, let's give it a try.
75
00:03:22,453 --> 00:03:25,047
Can't be any
worse that when I was
on the Night's Watch.
76
00:03:25,071 --> 00:03:27,855
Hey, guys, you all want to say
the oath again?
77
00:03:33,329 --> 00:03:34,446
For the Watch.
78
00:03:35,332 --> 00:03:36,665
For the Watch!
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00:03:36,733 --> 00:03:39,167
For the Watch.
80
00:03:39,236 --> 00:03:40,931
Hi, Brian.
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00:03:40,955 --> 00:03:44,089
I'm the boring
storyline of the fat guy
that's watching that girl.
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00:03:44,157 --> 00:03:46,775
And I'm Ballers!
Ow!
83
00:03:48,495 --> 00:03:50,979
I totally get it.
You're right to do this.
84
00:03:56,636 --> 00:03:59,203
Well, well,
if it isn't Meg Griffin.
85
00:03:59,272 --> 00:04:01,067
Leave me alone, you guys.
86
00:04:01,091 --> 00:04:03,508
Relax.
We're taking the day off
from bullying.
87
00:04:03,576 --> 00:04:05,126
Oh. Thank God.
88
00:04:08,815 --> 00:04:10,098
Very funny.
89
00:04:10,167 --> 00:04:12,034
Who put
the Ark of the Covenant
in here?
90
00:04:13,737 --> 00:04:15,504
Meg is so stupid.
91
00:04:15,572 --> 00:04:18,340
She couldn't handle
the glory of God's love.
92
00:04:18,409 --> 00:04:21,543
Students, faculty and staff
of James Woods High.
93
00:04:21,611 --> 00:04:24,612
Does anyone know
how to push down
the backseat of a Highlander?
94
00:04:24,681 --> 00:04:27,666
I know I can
make a bed in there.
I just don't know how.
95
00:04:27,734 --> 00:04:30,246
Oh, my God,
Principal Shepherd,
what's wrong?
96
00:04:30,270 --> 00:04:32,704
I just listened to two hours
of butt-dialed sex
97
00:04:32,773 --> 00:04:34,990
between my wife and
the ADT alarm guy.
98
00:04:35,058 --> 00:04:37,069
Why didn't you just hang up?
99
00:04:37,093 --> 00:04:39,694
Because I miss
the sound of her voice!
100
00:04:41,548 --> 00:04:43,548
Oh, my God!
101
00:04:43,617 --> 00:04:46,129
Principal Shepherd,
your wife is on the line.
102
00:04:46,153 --> 00:04:47,319
She says...
103
00:04:47,387 --> 00:04:49,821
"Oh, God! Harder!"
104
00:04:57,080 --> 00:04:59,798
Man, I still can't get over
how perfect this place is.
105
00:04:59,867 --> 00:05:02,583
I know. It's going to be
such a darling B and B.
106
00:05:02,652 --> 00:05:04,697
I got the boiler up
and running, Mr. Griffin.
107
00:05:04,721 --> 00:05:06,849
Well, we don't have a boiler,
but I can't wait to see
108
00:05:06,873 --> 00:05:08,306
what you've done in the cellar.
109
00:05:08,375 --> 00:05:11,242
Also, please rub
the "H" and the "C"
off all the knobs,
110
00:05:11,311 --> 00:05:13,428
so people won't know
what the hell is going on.
111
00:05:13,496 --> 00:05:15,597
I want the first four minutes
of every shower
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00:05:15,666 --> 00:05:17,532
to be confusion and anger.
113
00:05:22,372 --> 00:05:24,489
Welcome, members of our
school community.
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00:05:24,558 --> 00:05:27,303
Let's call to order
this emergency meeting
of the school board,
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00:05:27,327 --> 00:05:29,544
regarding Principal
Shepherd's meltdown.
116
00:05:29,613 --> 00:05:32,264
I know a number of our
students have felt...
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00:05:32,332 --> 00:05:35,817
"Traumatized" by
the events of this week.
118
00:05:35,886 --> 00:05:38,686
And we take those
concerns very seriously.
119
00:05:39,939 --> 00:05:41,306
Lois, I'm done with my gum.
120
00:05:41,374 --> 00:05:42,469
I don't want it.
121
00:05:42,493 --> 00:05:43,575
But I'm done with it!
122
00:05:43,644 --> 00:05:45,427
Peter, shh!
123
00:05:45,495 --> 00:05:46,678
I'll take it.
124
00:05:48,332 --> 00:05:50,292
So, due to his erratic behavior,
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00:05:50,333 --> 00:05:51,677
we have placed
Principal Shepherd
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00:05:51,701 --> 00:05:54,052
on indefinite paid leave.
127
00:05:54,121 --> 00:05:56,771
Typically,
Vice Principal Maguire
would step in.
128
00:05:56,840 --> 00:05:58,773
However,
I was informed earlier today
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00:05:58,842 --> 00:06:00,726
that she was
found dead in her car.
130
00:06:03,513 --> 00:06:06,076
Therefore,
the board is seeking
a parent volunteer
131
00:06:06,100 --> 00:06:07,649
to serve as interim principal
132
00:06:07,717 --> 00:06:10,001
until a permanent replacement
can be found.
133
00:06:10,069 --> 00:06:11,385
I'll do it!
134
00:06:11,454 --> 00:06:14,322
I should note you will be
subject to a background check.
135
00:06:14,390 --> 00:06:16,974
Background check?
136
00:06:20,080 --> 00:06:21,413
Lois, maybe I should do it.
137
00:06:21,481 --> 00:06:24,321
I've always wanted a job
where I can let my
dandruff go wild.
138
00:06:24,367 --> 00:06:27,568
What? No way!
I'm not having my dad
be the principal.
139
00:06:27,637 --> 00:06:29,204
How embarrassing!
140
00:06:29,273 --> 00:06:31,417
Yeah, no offense,
Peter, but I don't know
141
00:06:31,441 --> 00:06:32,718
if you should be
running a school.
142
00:06:32,742 --> 00:06:34,671
What are you talking about?
I'm a natural leader.
143
00:06:34,695 --> 00:06:37,495
That's why I'm so good
at leading "Simon Says."
144
00:06:37,564 --> 00:06:39,698
Simon says "leave the band."
145
00:06:41,334 --> 00:06:42,768
Yeah, I don't know.
146
00:06:42,836 --> 00:06:44,676
You know what?
You guys are wrong
147
00:06:44,721 --> 00:06:45,999
and I'm going to
prove it to you.
148
00:06:46,023 --> 00:06:47,606
Again, any volunteers?
149
00:06:47,674 --> 00:06:49,691
I'll be your new principal.
150
00:06:49,759 --> 00:06:52,827
Wonderful. Why don't you
come on up and
introduce yourself?
151
00:06:52,913 --> 00:06:56,581
All right. James Woods High
cheerleaders, give me a hand.
152
00:06:58,351 --> 00:07:01,152
♪ Check him out
Check, check him out
153
00:07:01,221 --> 00:07:03,032
♪ My name is Peter
♪ Check
154
00:07:03,056 --> 00:07:04,683
♪ That ain't no lie
♪ Check
155
00:07:04,707 --> 00:07:08,409
♪ I go pop, pop, fizz, fizz
Oh, how sweet it is
156
00:07:08,478 --> 00:07:09,677
♪ Check, check ♪
157
00:07:11,114 --> 00:07:12,697
I'm done with this gum now.
158
00:07:12,749 --> 00:07:14,989
I don't want it.
But I'm done with it.
159
00:07:23,143 --> 00:07:25,693
Mom, why was this Listerine
in the garbage?
160
00:07:25,762 --> 00:07:27,722
Oh, your father says
he doesn't need it anymore,
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00:07:27,747 --> 00:07:29,397
now that he's
a high school principal.
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00:07:29,466 --> 00:07:31,794
Oh, my God!
He's not really
doing that, is he?
163
00:07:31,818 --> 00:07:34,152
I'm only going to
get bullied worse now!
164
00:07:34,220 --> 00:07:36,938
Hello, Breakfast Club.
165
00:07:37,007 --> 00:07:39,691
As the principal,
I like to start
each morning with a reference
166
00:07:39,760 --> 00:07:40,786
from last century.
167
00:07:40,810 --> 00:07:42,760
Dad, I don't want you
to do this!
168
00:07:42,829 --> 00:07:45,057
Too late.
I've already been practicing
giving students
169
00:07:45,081 --> 00:07:47,265
awkward and
uncoordinated high fives.
170
00:07:47,334 --> 00:07:48,516
Chris, if I may.
171
00:07:50,570 --> 00:07:54,105
Yay! Two fingers
inside of the palm contact!
172
00:07:54,174 --> 00:07:56,201
Perfect!
All right,
I got to get to work
173
00:07:56,225 --> 00:07:59,678
by 7:40 because
that's when high school
starts for some reason.
174
00:07:59,746 --> 00:08:02,196
See you at
the way-too-early 10:40 lunch.
175
00:08:04,901 --> 00:08:06,183
I feel you, Meg.
176
00:08:06,252 --> 00:08:08,036
Shut up.
You shut up!
177
00:08:14,678 --> 00:08:17,562
Wow. Look at us.
Running a B and B.
178
00:08:17,631 --> 00:08:20,248
Yes, so far, all
the guests seem very happy.
179
00:08:20,317 --> 00:08:22,517
Hi, we're checking out.
Just charge my card.
180
00:08:23,603 --> 00:08:25,148
That's weird.
That's the fifth couple
181
00:08:25,172 --> 00:08:26,988
to check out after only an hour.
182
00:08:27,056 --> 00:08:28,690
Hi, we'd like a room, please.
183
00:08:28,758 --> 00:08:30,235
Wait, I'm sorry.
Weren't you just here
184
00:08:30,259 --> 00:08:31,521
a moment ago with
a different man?
185
00:08:31,545 --> 00:08:33,411
Oh, crap!
186
00:08:33,463 --> 00:08:35,096
Stewie, we have a problem.
187
00:08:35,165 --> 00:08:37,460
The only people
checking in are here
to have sex with prostitutes.
188
00:08:37,484 --> 00:08:39,250
What? Nonsense!
189
00:08:39,319 --> 00:08:42,198
Then why are they all signing
the guest book and
writing quaint things like
190
00:08:42,222 --> 00:08:43,571
"Railed Crystal good"?
191
00:08:43,640 --> 00:08:44,973
Oh...
192
00:08:45,042 --> 00:08:48,176
Damn it, this is awful.
How could I have
not noticed sooner?
193
00:08:48,245 --> 00:08:51,046
I mean, it's more obvious
than when George Takei
was in the closet.
194
00:08:51,881 --> 00:08:53,164
Hey, George, how are you?
195
00:08:53,232 --> 00:08:55,400
I'm heterosexual.
196
00:08:55,468 --> 00:08:57,202
I love vaginas.
197
00:08:57,270 --> 00:08:59,487
Yum, yum, yum...
198
00:08:59,573 --> 00:09:00,766
So, what are you doing tonight?
199
00:09:00,790 --> 00:09:03,408
Hopefully,
choking on some vagina.
200
00:09:03,476 --> 00:09:05,410
Oh, nubbers!
201
00:09:05,478 --> 00:09:07,278
All right, that sounds fun.
See you later.
202
00:09:07,313 --> 00:09:09,347
I'm a heterosexual.
203
00:09:14,337 --> 00:09:18,389
Good morning, children.
I am your interim principal,
Mr. Griffin.
204
00:09:18,458 --> 00:09:19,969
And to show I'm a fun principal,
205
00:09:19,993 --> 00:09:22,010
I'm going to do
the Ice Bucket Challenge.
206
00:09:22,078 --> 00:09:24,879
Three years too late,
but right on
time for a principal
207
00:09:24,947 --> 00:09:27,848
and making no less sense
than it did
when it was current.
208
00:09:31,688 --> 00:09:34,288
You're welcome,
person who is
probably already dead.
209
00:09:34,340 --> 00:09:36,624
But, hey! Now I've got
something even more fun.
210
00:09:36,693 --> 00:09:39,238
How about we all do
an expertly
choreographed lip-dub
211
00:09:39,262 --> 00:09:40,562
to a popular song?
212
00:09:49,739 --> 00:09:53,574
♪ This hit, that ice coldMichelle Pfeiffer,that white gold
213
00:09:53,643 --> 00:09:57,779
♪ This one for them hood girlsThem good girlsstraight masterpieces
214
00:09:57,847 --> 00:10:01,949
♪ Stylin', whilen,
livin' it up in the city ♪
215
00:10:05,955 --> 00:10:07,955
♪ I'm too hot
♪ Hot damn
216
00:10:07,990 --> 00:10:10,408
♪ Call the police
and a fireman ♪
217
00:10:14,731 --> 00:10:18,400
Ladies, this is my associate.
Brian, bitches.
Bitches, Brian.
218
00:10:18,468 --> 00:10:20,117
What? What's all this?
219
00:10:20,186 --> 00:10:22,620
This, Brian,
is called "diversification."
220
00:10:22,689 --> 00:10:25,189
You see, if our guests insist
on bringing prostitutes
221
00:10:25,258 --> 00:10:28,526
into our B and B,
we might as well
provide the women, too.
222
00:10:28,595 --> 00:10:30,823
What? Stewie,
we're not going
to become pimps.
223
00:10:30,847 --> 00:10:32,863
Are you sure?
I'm sure.
224
00:10:32,932 --> 00:10:35,377
The answer is no,
so, don't bother
flashing a wad of money
225
00:10:35,401 --> 00:10:38,002
because there's
no way I'm going to
change my answer in the middle
226
00:10:38,071 --> 00:10:39,164
of this sentence...
Okay, maybe we can
227
00:10:39,188 --> 00:10:40,750
try it out and see how it goes.
228
00:10:40,774 --> 00:10:43,302
Hey, what are you girls
doing standing around?
Get to work.
229
00:10:44,711 --> 00:10:48,312
I'm telling you, that dog is
very easily persuaded.
230
00:10:48,381 --> 00:10:51,465
Now, let's see what's going on
at the old high school.
231
00:10:51,534 --> 00:10:54,686
Ooh... Ooh...
232
00:11:00,994 --> 00:11:02,560
Hey, guys, guys.
233
00:11:02,629 --> 00:11:05,429
When Borat was
making announcements
over the P.A. this morning,
234
00:11:05,498 --> 00:11:06,831
that was me.
235
00:11:06,900 --> 00:11:09,134
What? Shut the front door!
236
00:11:09,202 --> 00:11:12,070
Taco Tuesday is nice.
237
00:11:12,138 --> 00:11:14,305
Knock it off!
Give me back my lunch.
238
00:11:14,373 --> 00:11:17,759
What have we got here?
Grape juice in a Ziploc bag?
239
00:11:17,828 --> 00:11:19,794
I have to make
my own Capri Suns.
240
00:11:22,215 --> 00:11:24,560
Hey, stupid.
What the hell are you doing?
That's my daughter.
241
00:11:24,584 --> 00:11:26,884
Yeah? What are you
going to do about it?
242
00:11:26,953 --> 00:11:28,080
What am I going to do about it?
243
00:11:28,104 --> 00:11:29,415
I'll knock your
teeth down your throat
244
00:11:29,439 --> 00:11:31,984
and out your butt,
you little bastard.
245
00:11:32,008 --> 00:11:34,620
Oh, you think that's funny?
Him spilling juice
all over the floor?
246
00:11:34,644 --> 00:11:36,622
This is going to make
people's sneakers sticky.
247
00:11:36,646 --> 00:11:40,198
And then we're
going to have to listen to...
All day!
248
00:11:40,266 --> 00:11:42,745
Well, I won't have it.
Get on your knees
and lick that up.
249
00:11:42,769 --> 00:11:44,769
What? Are you serious?
250
00:11:44,838 --> 00:11:46,749
Yeah, I'm serious.
I'm the principal.
251
00:11:54,080 --> 00:11:56,075
Oh, my God, I'm so embarrassed.
252
00:11:56,099 --> 00:11:57,398
What are you talking about?
253
00:11:57,467 --> 00:11:59,478
That jerk
is finally getting
what he deserves.
254
00:11:59,502 --> 00:12:01,719
Yeah, Meg.
Now that your dad
is the principal,
255
00:12:01,788 --> 00:12:04,139
you could finally have power
over the bullies.
256
00:12:04,207 --> 00:12:05,951
Now, you little
punks get to class.
257
00:12:05,975 --> 00:12:09,010
And if you see Ms. Millikin,
tell her I said,
"Hey, what's up?"
258
00:12:09,829 --> 00:12:12,997
Huh. Maybe you're right.
259
00:12:13,066 --> 00:12:15,099
Wow, Dad,
that was really something.
260
00:12:15,168 --> 00:12:16,295
Ms. Millikin is just a friend.
261
00:12:16,319 --> 00:12:17,852
Oh, I don't mean that.
262
00:12:17,921 --> 00:12:20,571
I mean the way you
handled those guys
that were picking on me.
263
00:12:20,640 --> 00:12:23,152
Really?
I felt like I kind of
lost my cool there.
264
00:12:23,176 --> 00:12:26,210
Not at all!
That's what you've
got to do more of.
265
00:12:26,279 --> 00:12:29,047
You were like
a real principal there.
I was?
266
00:12:29,115 --> 00:12:31,565
Yeah. In fact,
if you're going to
lead this school,
267
00:12:31,634 --> 00:12:33,667
you've got to know
that kids need discipline.
268
00:12:33,736 --> 00:12:37,472
Especially kids like them.
And their friends
Jeremy and Bridget.
269
00:12:37,540 --> 00:12:41,759
Oh, really? Where might I find
this Jeremy and Bridget?
270
00:12:41,828 --> 00:12:43,928
I don't know.
Study Hall, second floor.
271
00:12:47,366 --> 00:12:49,216
All right, listen up, maggots.
Fun's over.
272
00:12:49,302 --> 00:12:51,346
There's going to
be some changes
around here.
273
00:12:51,370 --> 00:12:53,215
And what better
way to show you
I'm serious
274
00:12:53,239 --> 00:12:55,440
than to smash a desk
with a baseball bat.
275
00:12:58,594 --> 00:12:59,594
Ow!
276
00:13:03,082 --> 00:13:04,916
Ow!
277
00:13:11,241 --> 00:13:12,390
Ow!
278
00:13:32,212 --> 00:13:33,212
Argh!
279
00:13:38,018 --> 00:13:39,917
Okay,
we'll pick this up on Monday.
280
00:13:39,986 --> 00:13:41,752
Do any of you
know my wife, Lois?
281
00:13:41,821 --> 00:13:44,806
Tell her I'm on the bats
and to come get me.
She'll know what it means.
282
00:13:51,530 --> 00:13:53,831
Let's go.
Keep it moving. Get to class.
283
00:13:53,900 --> 00:13:56,967
Hey, you! You salute that flag
when you walk by, kid.
284
00:13:57,037 --> 00:14:00,354
Loads of people
fought for that thing,
including yours truly.
285
00:14:00,423 --> 00:14:02,089
You were in the Service?
286
00:14:02,158 --> 00:14:04,525
I may have misunderstood
what "yours truly" means.
287
00:14:04,594 --> 00:14:06,638
Now, clean out your locker!
Yes, sir.
288
00:14:06,662 --> 00:14:08,412
And you, clean out his locker!
289
00:14:08,481 --> 00:14:11,382
And you, take the stuff from
that locker and put
it in your locker!
290
00:14:11,450 --> 00:14:12,917
Now, everybody switch lockers.
291
00:14:12,986 --> 00:14:14,401
You two share a locker.
292
00:14:14,471 --> 00:14:16,114
Yeah, this is
a better school now
293
00:14:16,138 --> 00:14:17,883
'cause we all switched lockers.
294
00:14:17,907 --> 00:14:19,173
Hey, Dad, listen.
295
00:14:19,259 --> 00:14:20,969
The four of us got
together last night
296
00:14:20,993 --> 00:14:23,990
and we came up with
a list of 11 students
and two teachers
297
00:14:24,014 --> 00:14:25,658
that you need to
do something about.
298
00:14:25,682 --> 00:14:27,348
Maybe you should
start with Mark Relich.
299
00:14:27,416 --> 00:14:28,666
Why? What did he do?
300
00:14:28,735 --> 00:14:30,935
He wouldn't kiss Ruth
at the Sadie Hawkins' Dance,
301
00:14:30,987 --> 00:14:33,515
even though she
bought him dinner before
at Walt's Roast Beef.
302
00:14:33,539 --> 00:14:35,100
I don't see how
that's got anything...
303
00:14:35,124 --> 00:14:36,640
And he called you fat.
304
00:14:36,709 --> 00:14:37,920
Oh, I'm going to squish him!
305
00:14:37,944 --> 00:14:39,043
That's right.
306
00:14:39,111 --> 00:14:41,061
Don't take any crap from anyone.
307
00:14:41,131 --> 00:14:44,109
Well, I won't.
I'm going to take down
all these punks,
308
00:14:44,133 --> 00:14:46,834
just like I did in my
1980's crime series,
309
00:14:46,902 --> 00:14:49,554
Gary Ratowski: Hockey Cop.
310
00:14:49,622 --> 00:14:50,866
Give me that purse.
311
00:14:50,890 --> 00:14:51,989
Hey, criminals.
312
00:14:53,943 --> 00:14:55,259
Puck you!
313
00:14:58,698 --> 00:15:01,215
Get the puck out
of my neighborhood.
314
00:15:02,902 --> 00:15:04,368
Go puck yourself.
315
00:15:05,871 --> 00:15:07,391
Uh-oh.
Here come the real cops.
316
00:15:09,759 --> 00:15:11,519
Hockey cop, not a cop.
317
00:15:16,666 --> 00:15:19,667
All right, ladies,
I'm going to put this
as gently as I can.
318
00:15:19,735 --> 00:15:23,120
But it appears
that someone's rectum
fell out on the stairs.
319
00:15:23,189 --> 00:15:25,990
Now, whose is it? Be honest.
320
00:15:26,058 --> 00:15:28,792
All right, that's fine,
but let's just agree on a rule
321
00:15:28,861 --> 00:15:30,928
that if your rectum
falls out on the stairs,
322
00:15:30,997 --> 00:15:32,847
it's on you to pick it up.
323
00:15:32,916 --> 00:15:34,147
Look at that, Brian.
324
00:15:34,216 --> 00:15:36,879
Our day has just begun
and there's
a line out the door.
325
00:15:36,903 --> 00:15:38,653
I know. We're raking it in.
326
00:15:38,721 --> 00:15:41,721
This is a hell of a lot
easier than when I delivered
pizza in New Orleans.
327
00:15:43,376 --> 00:15:45,276
What the hell?
328
00:15:45,345 --> 00:15:47,189
♪ We're all just
blocking the street
329
00:15:47,213 --> 00:15:49,057
♪ We're all just
blocking the street ♪
330
00:15:49,081 --> 00:15:51,532
Come on,
I got to deliver this pizza.
331
00:15:51,601 --> 00:15:53,512
♪ Five trumpets
do the job of one
332
00:15:53,536 --> 00:15:55,363
♪ We're all just
blocking the street ♪
333
00:15:55,387 --> 00:15:57,599
I need to be
there in 30 minutes.
It's a company promise.
334
00:15:57,623 --> 00:16:01,559
♪ Half a band is a limber bandWe're all justblocking the street ♪
335
00:16:01,611 --> 00:16:02,760
Oh, thank God!
336
00:16:02,828 --> 00:16:04,728
♪ One of us
dropped a contact lens
337
00:16:04,797 --> 00:16:06,908
♪ We're going back to
block the street ♪
338
00:16:06,932 --> 00:16:08,098
Ah, screw it.
339
00:16:08,167 --> 00:16:09,845
♪ We won't stop
blocking the street
340
00:16:09,869 --> 00:16:11,969
♪ Never stop
blocking the street ♪
341
00:16:15,825 --> 00:16:18,792
Okay, so I think Lee Blanding
gets detention.
342
00:16:18,878 --> 00:16:20,895
And, for Jason O'Neil,
343
00:16:20,964 --> 00:16:22,758
maybe you could pants him
during an assembly.
344
00:16:22,782 --> 00:16:24,716
Yes, good, I like that.
345
00:16:24,784 --> 00:16:27,251
Oh, hi, you two.
What are you working on?
346
00:16:27,320 --> 00:16:29,303
Nothing. I, um...
347
00:16:29,372 --> 00:16:32,706
I'm just helping Dad
with his schedule
for tomorrow.
348
00:16:32,775 --> 00:16:35,375
You know, he's
really doing a great job.
349
00:16:35,445 --> 00:16:38,112
He's actually made
the school a lot better.
350
00:16:38,180 --> 00:16:40,648
Huh. Well, I got to admit,
I was skeptical,
351
00:16:40,716 --> 00:16:43,133
but it sounds like things are
going pretty well down there.
352
00:16:43,202 --> 00:16:44,502
You bet they are.
353
00:16:44,571 --> 00:16:46,331
They'll go even
better after the Purge.
354
00:16:46,355 --> 00:16:47,405
The what?
355
00:16:47,474 --> 00:16:49,068
Hey, Meg.
How about one of these?
356
00:16:50,526 --> 00:16:51,926
One of them things, yeah?
357
00:16:51,995 --> 00:16:53,515
Peter,
what the hell are you doing?
358
00:16:53,546 --> 00:16:56,731
Uh... He's just saying
he wants to use his key
359
00:16:56,799 --> 00:17:00,167
to drive me to school
tomorrow in his car.
360
00:17:00,236 --> 00:17:02,920
Peter,
what exactly are you doing
down at that school?
361
00:17:02,972 --> 00:17:05,590
I'll tell you what I'm doing.
I'm doing a great job.
362
00:17:05,658 --> 00:17:07,778
Like when I was
a pro football kicker.
363
00:17:11,097 --> 00:17:13,698
Yay! Now I can fist
bump with black guys.
364
00:17:13,766 --> 00:17:15,427
Nailed it, Peter.
There you go.
365
00:17:15,451 --> 00:17:17,162
Yeah, we're going
to the club tonight?
366
00:17:17,186 --> 00:17:19,026
Not you.
Okay!
367
00:17:23,809 --> 00:17:25,826
Hey, Brian, what's a splat job?
368
00:17:25,894 --> 00:17:29,134
I don't know, Stewie.
I'm worried that
you're seeing too much.
369
00:17:30,650 --> 00:17:32,049
Good morning, ladies.
370
00:17:32,118 --> 00:17:34,385
Were the paramedics
able to resuscitate
Lamar Odom?
371
00:17:34,454 --> 00:17:35,720
They're still working on it.
372
00:17:44,414 --> 00:17:45,646
He's tall, get it?
373
00:17:45,715 --> 00:17:47,614
Okay, show's over.
Everybody back to work.
374
00:17:47,683 --> 00:17:49,723
Yeah, about that.
We gotta talk.
375
00:17:49,769 --> 00:17:51,668
Oh, uh, sure. What's up?
376
00:17:51,738 --> 00:17:54,404
We just realized we
can keep all the money,
377
00:17:54,473 --> 00:17:59,059
take your house and kill you
if you try to do
anything about it.
378
00:17:59,128 --> 00:18:02,408
All right. We're just
going to step outside
and figure out a counter.
379
00:18:04,233 --> 00:18:06,395
And they locked us out.
380
00:18:06,419 --> 00:18:08,769
What about my loaf
of cinnamon-raisin bread?
381
00:18:08,838 --> 00:18:11,055
It's mine!
It's not for the whole house.
382
00:18:20,733 --> 00:18:22,233
Let's just go. They won.
383
00:18:22,302 --> 00:18:23,884
Oh, we'll see about that.
384
00:18:25,705 --> 00:18:27,371
Hello.
I'd like to report a brothel
385
00:18:27,440 --> 00:18:30,040
operating on Route Six
near Round Hill Road.
386
00:18:30,110 --> 00:18:31,542
Thank you.
387
00:18:31,611 --> 00:18:34,189
You want to eat
mangled raisin bread
across the street
388
00:18:34,213 --> 00:18:35,875
and watch
the cops raid the place?
389
00:18:35,899 --> 00:18:37,714
Yeah, I'd like that.
390
00:18:50,663 --> 00:18:52,713
Oh, here comes the UPS guy.
391
00:18:52,782 --> 00:18:56,016
Oh, I bet he's delivering
those marmalade
jars we ordered.
392
00:18:56,085 --> 00:18:58,147
Doesn't that feel
like a million years ago?
393
00:18:58,171 --> 00:19:01,088
Yeah,
we don't need those anymore.
Sorry, just send them back.
394
00:19:04,393 --> 00:19:05,993
You can just do that?
395
00:19:06,062 --> 00:19:08,796
Oh, yeah,
you can just refuse delivery.
You've never done that?
396
00:19:08,865 --> 00:19:11,131
I... I genuinely did not know
you could do that.
397
00:19:11,200 --> 00:19:12,816
Well, you can.
398
00:19:12,885 --> 00:19:15,080
Anything you order,
if you don't sign for it,
it has to go back.
399
00:19:15,104 --> 00:19:16,704
Everyone does it.
400
00:19:16,773 --> 00:19:19,974
Most of what America is now
is just boxes
going back and forth.
401
00:19:27,132 --> 00:19:29,933
Students, this is
a chair without a seat.
402
00:19:30,002 --> 00:19:32,747
Jeff Banfield,
I'd like you to please
come down here,
403
00:19:32,771 --> 00:19:34,372
take your pants off and sit.
404
00:19:34,440 --> 00:19:36,139
Me? What did I do?
405
00:19:36,208 --> 00:19:37,824
You know what you did, Jeff!
406
00:19:37,893 --> 00:19:39,555
I don't even know
what's going on!
407
00:19:39,579 --> 00:19:41,312
Just go,
Jeff, or he'll start hitting
408
00:19:41,381 --> 00:19:43,125
that trash can
with a spoon again.
409
00:19:43,149 --> 00:19:45,049
That means now, Mr. Banfield.
410
00:19:52,425 --> 00:19:53,957
What is going on here?
411
00:19:54,027 --> 00:19:55,726
Just a little of the three Rs.
412
00:19:55,794 --> 00:19:58,896
Reading, 'riting and
rucking this guy's sack.
413
00:19:58,964 --> 00:20:01,798
The School Board received
a very serious complaint.
414
00:20:01,867 --> 00:20:05,019
Mr. Griffin,
you are hereby
relieved of your duties.
415
00:20:06,272 --> 00:20:07,288
A promotion?
416
00:20:07,356 --> 00:20:08,855
No, you're fired.
417
00:20:08,924 --> 00:20:10,819
We've re-instated
Principal Shepherd.
418
00:20:10,843 --> 00:20:12,492
Wait, he's back?
419
00:20:12,561 --> 00:20:14,996
But he had that crazy meltdown
about his divorce.
420
00:20:15,064 --> 00:20:17,593
Yes, but then
I went on a sex trip
to Thailand
421
00:20:17,617 --> 00:20:20,000
and I banged all
the goofy right out of me.
422
00:20:20,068 --> 00:20:23,354
Wait, Dad is fired?
Who did this?
Who turned him in?
423
00:20:24,157 --> 00:20:25,172
I did.
424
00:20:25,240 --> 00:20:27,174
Hi, Mrs. Griffin!
Hi.
425
00:20:27,243 --> 00:20:28,492
Hi, Patty.
426
00:20:29,629 --> 00:20:31,128
Why, Mom?
427
00:20:31,197 --> 00:20:33,797
Because what you
and your father
have been doing is wrong!
428
00:20:33,833 --> 00:20:35,433
We'll talk about this at home.
429
00:20:37,219 --> 00:20:40,204
Well, I guess your
mom was right all along.
430
00:20:40,273 --> 00:20:42,906
I had no business
running a school.
431
00:20:42,975 --> 00:20:45,004
Can I be honest with you, Dad?
432
00:20:45,028 --> 00:20:46,794
I thought you were awesome!
433
00:20:46,863 --> 00:20:49,463
You stood up for all the kids
who get picked on.
434
00:20:49,532 --> 00:20:51,398
You stood up for me!
435
00:20:51,467 --> 00:20:55,035
Wow, so,
you think I did a good job
being principal?
436
00:20:55,104 --> 00:20:57,821
No. You did a good
job being my dad.
437
00:21:03,563 --> 00:21:05,646
Come on, Meg, let's go home.
438
00:21:05,714 --> 00:21:07,726
And next time I
want to get back
at your bullies,
439
00:21:07,750 --> 00:21:09,516
I'll do it
the old fashioned way.
440
00:21:09,585 --> 00:21:12,603
As a grown man
beating up teenagers
in a parking lot.
441
00:21:15,941 --> 00:21:18,141
I'm planning on dying tonight.
442
00:21:19,645 --> 00:21:21,195
What are your plans?
34906
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