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♪ It seems today
that all you see
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00:00:04,722 --> 00:00:08,106
♪ Is violence in movies
and sex on TV
3
00:00:08,175 --> 00:00:11,710
♪ But where are those
good old-fashioned values
4
00:00:11,779 --> 00:00:14,847
♪ On which we used to rely?
5
00:00:14,915 --> 00:00:18,283
♪ Lucky there's a family guy
6
00:00:18,352 --> 00:00:21,736
♪ Lucky there's a man who
positively can do
7
00:00:21,805 --> 00:00:23,466
♪ All the things
that make us
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00:00:23,490 --> 00:00:24,906
♪ Laugh and cry
9
00:00:24,975 --> 00:00:29,811
♪ He's a family guy ♪
10
00:00:38,205 --> 00:00:40,072
Okay, everybody.
Put in a raffle ticket
11
00:00:40,141 --> 00:00:42,124
for each of the prizes
you want to win.
12
00:00:42,192 --> 00:00:43,909
Wow, they have everything.
13
00:00:43,977 --> 00:00:47,663
Look! You can even win
a free drawing
from a caricature artist.
14
00:00:47,731 --> 00:00:49,175
So, what are your hobbies?
15
00:00:49,199 --> 00:00:50,716
I like to roller skate.
16
00:00:50,785 --> 00:00:52,884
Ah, you're
a roller skater. Good.
17
00:00:52,953 --> 00:00:55,148
Good, good.
If you don't mind,
I'm going to use that.
18
00:00:55,172 --> 00:00:58,056
Here it is, a drawing of
my little roller skater.
19
00:00:58,125 --> 00:00:59,252
What do you think?
20
00:00:59,276 --> 00:01:00,925
Uh, it's good, but...
21
00:01:00,994 --> 00:01:02,310
Where are the roller skates?
22
00:01:02,379 --> 00:01:04,757
Uh, they're unopened,
down here in the box.
23
00:01:04,781 --> 00:01:06,861
Just like when I was a kid.
24
00:01:07,250 --> 00:01:08,450
Okay, who's next?
25
00:01:08,519 --> 00:01:10,447
Hey little guy,
what do you like
to do?
26
00:01:10,471 --> 00:01:11,937
I like to play football.
27
00:01:12,005 --> 00:01:13,321
Ah, say no more.
28
00:01:15,275 --> 00:01:17,771
Hey guys, I didn't know
you were coming to
the church raffle.
29
00:01:17,795 --> 00:01:19,695
I will confess a mix-up to you.
30
00:01:19,763 --> 00:01:22,948
I thought Donna said
we were going to
the church "waffle."
31
00:01:23,016 --> 00:01:25,634
And we're only here for
the fantasy weekend
at Fenway Park.
32
00:01:25,703 --> 00:01:27,046
Fenway Park?
Oh, yeah!
33
00:01:27,070 --> 00:01:28,664
The winner and a friend
get to hang out
34
00:01:28,688 --> 00:01:31,273
and practice with retired
Red Sox players,
35
00:01:31,342 --> 00:01:34,893
and then play in a real
game right on the
field at Fenway!
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00:01:34,962 --> 00:01:37,474
Oh, my God!
That's always been
a dream of mine.
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00:01:37,498 --> 00:01:39,041
Well, that, and tuning a guitar
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00:01:39,065 --> 00:01:40,676
in front of a live audience.
39
00:02:02,939 --> 00:02:05,390
This was in perfect tune
when they handed it to me.
40
00:02:08,895 --> 00:02:12,731
Next up,
our fantasy weekend for two
at Fenway Park.
41
00:02:12,799 --> 00:02:13,981
Oh, man, this is it!
42
00:02:14,050 --> 00:02:15,817
And the winner is...
43
00:02:15,886 --> 00:02:17,385
Peter Griffin.
44
00:02:17,454 --> 00:02:19,032
Holy crap, I won!
45
00:02:19,056 --> 00:02:20,936
Wow, good for you!
Congratulations!
46
00:02:20,975 --> 00:02:23,670
I like it when
people say your
name out loud!
47
00:02:23,694 --> 00:02:27,011
How exciting, Peter!
A weekend trip
to Boston!
48
00:02:27,080 --> 00:02:29,860
Yeah, and the best part
is, I don't even have
to get on a plane.
49
00:02:29,884 --> 00:02:32,044
I always have trouble
at the airport.
50
00:02:34,421 --> 00:02:36,421
Sir, you're not allowed
to be on the carousel.
51
00:02:36,490 --> 00:02:39,450
Well, then maybe
you shouldn't have
named it such a fun word.
52
00:02:40,293 --> 00:02:41,972
Excuse me,
excuse me,
I'm not yours.
53
00:02:41,996 --> 00:02:43,874
He's stealing me.
I'm being stolen!
54
00:02:43,898 --> 00:02:45,938
Excuse me,
I think you've
got mine.
55
00:02:47,134 --> 00:02:48,466
Oh, that's a good idea.
56
00:02:56,076 --> 00:02:57,203
Oh, hey, Quagmire.
57
00:02:57,227 --> 00:02:58,293
Hey, Peter!
58
00:02:58,362 --> 00:03:00,579
So, I was just baking
a coffee cake
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00:03:00,647 --> 00:03:02,108
and I figured I'd bring it over,
60
00:03:02,132 --> 00:03:03,209
cause you like coffee cake.
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00:03:03,233 --> 00:03:04,699
Wow, thanks.
62
00:03:04,768 --> 00:03:06,813
Yeah, yeah, no problem.
So, who are you taking
to Fenway?
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00:03:06,837 --> 00:03:08,214
What?
Well, I was just thinking,
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00:03:08,238 --> 00:03:10,132
you have that extra ticket.
Maybe you'd wanna...
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00:03:10,156 --> 00:03:11,723
Peter, before you answer him.
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00:03:11,792 --> 00:03:15,894
I've got that
murdered jogger's Discman
you wanted last week.
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00:03:15,962 --> 00:03:17,145
Still bloody!
68
00:03:17,214 --> 00:03:20,232
Hi, Peter.
You know how you like
40 dollars cash,
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00:03:20,300 --> 00:03:22,879
well, here's
almost 40
dollars cash.
70
00:03:22,903 --> 00:03:24,530
Guys, look. I know
you all want to go,
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00:03:24,554 --> 00:03:26,849
but I need
a little more time
to figure this out.
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00:03:26,873 --> 00:03:28,918
I mean, it's a tough decision,
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00:03:28,942 --> 00:03:31,438
like what to do
with that big
watermelon I bought.
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00:03:31,462 --> 00:03:33,382
Griffin, I just wanted
to tell you...
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00:03:34,732 --> 00:03:37,432
That's a great outfit.
Keep it up!
76
00:03:37,501 --> 00:03:40,502
I knew it!
I have to start
trusting myself more.
77
00:03:42,356 --> 00:03:43,883
Man, I don't envy you.
78
00:03:43,907 --> 00:03:45,251
Whichever one of them
you bring to Fenway,
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00:03:45,275 --> 00:03:46,669
the other two
will be mad at you.
80
00:03:46,693 --> 00:03:48,071
I don't wanna bring any of them.
81
00:03:48,095 --> 00:03:50,207
Those guys are all
way better than me
at baseball.
82
00:03:50,231 --> 00:03:52,208
They'd just show me up
and ruin it for me.
83
00:03:52,232 --> 00:03:53,464
Why don't you bring Lois?
84
00:03:53,533 --> 00:03:55,060
She doesn't care about baseball,
85
00:03:55,084 --> 00:03:56,662
and that way nobody gets
their feelings hurt.
86
00:03:56,686 --> 00:03:59,204
Brian, that's a great idea!
Thanks.
87
00:03:59,273 --> 00:04:01,539
Is it "new tennis ball" great?
88
00:04:01,608 --> 00:04:04,159
It's three new
tennis balls great.
89
00:04:04,227 --> 00:04:07,206
I'm gonna get 'em all,
I'm gonna get 'em all,
I'm gonna get 'em all!
90
00:04:13,653 --> 00:04:15,181
Mom, you're really
going to Boston?
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00:04:15,205 --> 00:04:16,732
I didn't even think
you liked baseball.
92
00:04:16,756 --> 00:04:20,024
Oh, I'm not going
for baseball.
I'm going for shopping,
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00:04:20,093 --> 00:04:23,111
the hotel spa,
and two days of
being away from you
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00:04:23,180 --> 00:04:24,879
life-sucking turds.
95
00:04:24,948 --> 00:04:28,516
Anyway, be good.
And while we're gone,
Brian's in charge.
96
00:04:28,602 --> 00:04:30,051
Where is Brian?
97
00:04:30,987 --> 00:04:33,188
What's up, bitches?
98
00:04:33,257 --> 00:04:34,834
Oh, come on, Mom, really?
99
00:04:34,858 --> 00:04:38,142
I'm in high school
and you're still putting
the dog in charge?
100
00:04:38,211 --> 00:04:40,189
Believe me, Meg,
you want me in charge.
101
00:04:40,213 --> 00:04:41,557
Stewie can be
a bit of a handful.
102
00:04:41,581 --> 00:04:43,741
He's right, you know.
I'm a total Taurus.
103
00:04:43,801 --> 00:04:45,377
Stubborn as they come!
104
00:04:45,401 --> 00:04:48,719
All right, fine.
Meg, while we're away,
you can be in charge.
105
00:04:48,788 --> 00:04:51,006
Come on, Lois,
time to get to Fenway!
106
00:04:51,074 --> 00:04:53,154
Wow, Dad, you look awesome,
107
00:04:53,193 --> 00:04:55,988
but I thought
you were gonna dress
like a baseball player.
108
00:04:56,012 --> 00:04:57,879
I am, Chris.
I'm the type of player
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00:04:57,948 --> 00:04:59,531
who arrives at
the stadium in a suit,
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00:04:59,600 --> 00:05:01,650
with a tie knot
as big as an apple.
111
00:05:01,718 --> 00:05:04,336
That's how you know I got money.
112
00:05:04,405 --> 00:05:07,739
All right, we'll see
you guys Sunday.
113
00:05:07,808 --> 00:05:10,425
Okay, now you heard
Mom say I'm in charge.
114
00:05:10,494 --> 00:05:11,871
So, I just wanna lay
a few ground rules.
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00:05:11,895 --> 00:05:12,911
Yup.
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00:05:12,980 --> 00:05:14,660
I promise we're gonna have fun,
117
00:05:14,715 --> 00:05:15,975
but there will be
a schedule...
Uh-huh.
118
00:05:15,999 --> 00:05:17,176
Just to keep everything
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00:05:17,200 --> 00:05:18,711
running smoothly.
Gotta have boundaries.
120
00:05:18,735 --> 00:05:20,346
And I may assign
a chore or two because...
That's great, Meg.
121
00:05:20,370 --> 00:05:21,814
It's more fun if
everyone pitches in.
122
00:05:21,838 --> 00:05:23,199
Sounds like
you got it worked out.
123
00:05:23,223 --> 00:05:25,324
Hey, by the way...
Ahh!
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00:05:25,392 --> 00:05:28,438
I'm gonna flush
your retainer
down the toilet.
125
00:05:45,445 --> 00:05:47,990
Look at this, Lois.
The Fenway Park
locker room.
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00:05:48,014 --> 00:05:49,648
All right, Peter, I'm gonna go.
127
00:05:49,716 --> 00:05:51,550
You wanna hand me
some cash in front of
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00:05:51,618 --> 00:05:53,418
the other men
so you feel powerful?
129
00:05:53,487 --> 00:05:57,439
Instead, why don't
you take my
Minions Discover card.
130
00:05:57,507 --> 00:06:01,209
Hey there, sluggers.
Welcome to Red Sox
Fantasy weekend.
131
00:06:01,278 --> 00:06:03,656
Well, who's this?
We've never
had a lady
132
00:06:03,680 --> 00:06:05,108
come out for this before.
133
00:06:05,132 --> 00:06:06,926
Oh, no, that's my wife.
She's just
dropping me off.
134
00:06:06,950 --> 00:06:09,651
Yeah, you're nice,
but I'm not staying.
135
00:06:09,719 --> 00:06:11,786
I don't know
the first thing
about baseball.
136
00:06:11,855 --> 00:06:13,905
Look, your spot's
already paid for.
137
00:06:13,973 --> 00:06:16,858
And besides, if
you leave, the teams
will be lopsided.
138
00:06:16,927 --> 00:06:19,077
So, as your coach,
I insist you stay
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00:06:19,145 --> 00:06:20,996
and play with us.
Right, fellas?
140
00:06:22,482 --> 00:06:26,134
Well, I don't know.
What do you
think, Peter?
141
00:06:26,202 --> 00:06:29,420
What do I think about sharing
Fantasy Baseball Camp
with my wife?
142
00:06:29,489 --> 00:06:32,057
Yeah, come on, let her play!
143
00:06:32,125 --> 00:06:35,510
Wow! 1980s All Star,
Wade Boggs!
144
00:06:35,578 --> 00:06:38,079
Hey, would you mind
standing next to
a star of today?
145
00:06:38,148 --> 00:06:40,081
Sure.
146
00:06:40,149 --> 00:06:41,983
Man! What happened
to our game?
147
00:06:42,052 --> 00:06:44,219
David Ortiz,
will you pick him up
like a baby?
148
00:06:44,288 --> 00:06:46,082
It's your weekend!
149
00:06:47,858 --> 00:06:50,698
Now, let me put this
baby bonnet on his head
and a cigar in his mouth.
150
00:06:52,545 --> 00:06:55,074
So, what do you say?
Are you gonna
let your wife play?
151
00:06:55,098 --> 00:06:57,527
Absolutely.
Lois, stay here
and play with us.
152
00:06:57,551 --> 00:07:00,017
I can't say no to baby Boggs.
153
00:07:00,086 --> 00:07:01,119
Cutchi-cutchi...
154
00:07:01,188 --> 00:07:02,320
Ah, he bit me!
155
00:07:12,032 --> 00:07:14,243
Oh, my God,
I can't believe
I'm here.
156
00:07:14,267 --> 00:07:17,986
Lois, see that wall there?
They call that
the green monster.
157
00:07:18,054 --> 00:07:19,665
And over there is where I threw
158
00:07:19,689 --> 00:07:21,551
a D cell battery
at Jose Canseco.
159
00:07:21,575 --> 00:07:23,735
All right, let's play ball.
160
00:07:24,511 --> 00:07:26,511
Wow! You must be
excited, Peter.
161
00:07:26,579 --> 00:07:29,358
Yep, guess I can cross
this one
off my bucket list.
162
00:07:29,382 --> 00:07:32,422
All that's left now
is living
the Pueblo lifestyle.
163
00:07:34,370 --> 00:07:36,688
Peter, what the hell
did you do to the house?
164
00:07:36,757 --> 00:07:40,758
I know it seems pretty lame,
until you realize I'm 58.
165
00:07:40,827 --> 00:07:43,260
Now, if you'll excuse me,
I have to go lick the foot of
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00:07:43,329 --> 00:07:46,064
a fleshy, pale woman
for Real Sex 34.
167
00:07:52,039 --> 00:07:54,456
Rupert, what do you think
of this fan fiction I wrote?
168
00:07:54,524 --> 00:07:56,958
"Diego pressed Dora
against the wall,
169
00:07:57,026 --> 00:08:01,012
"her bosom heaving,
her hot Latina breath
on his face.
170
00:08:01,080 --> 00:08:04,348
"For once,
Diego was going to do
the exploring."
171
00:08:05,051 --> 00:08:06,618
Just reading it!
172
00:08:06,687 --> 00:08:08,119
Muy caliente!
173
00:08:08,188 --> 00:08:10,516
Okay, Stewie,
time for you
to get dressed.
174
00:08:10,540 --> 00:08:13,725
Yeah, close door
means "Come in,"
I guess.
175
00:08:13,794 --> 00:08:15,487
What the hell
do you think
you're doing?
176
00:08:15,511 --> 00:08:17,645
Let's pick out
a cute shirt for you.
177
00:08:17,731 --> 00:08:19,408
Then, I thought
we can go to the park.
178
00:08:19,432 --> 00:08:21,433
Or, how about this?
I press my butt
179
00:08:21,501 --> 00:08:23,668
against the wall and duke on it.
180
00:08:23,737 --> 00:08:26,070
Stewie, don't do that!
181
00:08:26,139 --> 00:08:28,685
You're messing
with my schedule,
so I'm giving you wall poop.
182
00:08:28,709 --> 00:08:30,575
Stop that right now!
183
00:08:30,643 --> 00:08:32,255
You just earned a time-out.
184
00:08:32,279 --> 00:08:33,861
A what? Let go of me!
185
00:08:33,930 --> 00:08:35,146
Don't you walk away!
186
00:08:35,214 --> 00:08:37,649
Hey, don't bruise me.
I'm going dancing later.
187
00:08:37,718 --> 00:08:39,651
You listen to me,
you little monster.
188
00:08:39,720 --> 00:08:41,836
I take abuse from
everybody around here.
189
00:08:41,904 --> 00:08:44,072
But, I am not
gonna take it from you!
190
00:08:44,141 --> 00:08:46,202
Now, sit here until
I say you can get up.
191
00:08:46,226 --> 00:08:48,354
And if you move
one muscle before,
192
00:08:48,378 --> 00:08:50,540
then I'll smack you
in your weird head.
193
00:08:50,564 --> 00:08:54,699
Hey, it's not weird!
Mom says it's distinctive.
194
00:09:03,660 --> 00:09:05,210
Griffin, you're up.
195
00:09:08,448 --> 00:09:09,948
It's always the fat one.
196
00:09:10,016 --> 00:09:11,049
I heard that.
197
00:09:11,117 --> 00:09:12,867
I said it right to you!
198
00:09:12,935 --> 00:09:16,521
You know what? Let's just
get Lois up to bat.
Where's Lois?
199
00:09:16,589 --> 00:09:18,256
I'm right here, coach.
200
00:09:18,325 --> 00:09:20,908
Guess you don't have
a lot of babes out here.
201
00:09:20,977 --> 00:09:23,461
Except for Babe Ruth.
202
00:09:25,198 --> 00:09:26,425
Babe Ruth!
Ha!
203
00:09:26,449 --> 00:09:27,689
That's funny 'cause she's hot.
204
00:09:31,838 --> 00:09:33,971
Ah! It's a little
like tennis.
205
00:09:34,040 --> 00:09:36,824
Did you see that, Peter?
I'm doing it all!
206
00:09:36,893 --> 00:09:39,533
Damn it!
This was supposed
to be my weekend.
207
00:09:50,873 --> 00:09:52,713
Stewie, what the hell's
going on?
208
00:09:52,742 --> 00:09:54,208
Meg's awful!
209
00:09:54,277 --> 00:09:56,694
She gave me a time-out
and she made me sit
in this chair.
210
00:09:56,763 --> 00:09:59,130
My god, she put
eye shadow on you, too.
211
00:09:59,199 --> 00:10:01,266
I might have gotten up
from the chair.
212
00:10:01,334 --> 00:10:04,002
Brian, Meg's lost her mind.
You've got to talk to her.
213
00:10:04,054 --> 00:10:06,337
Stewie, Lois put Meg in charge.
214
00:10:06,406 --> 00:10:10,207
And honestly,
once I knew that,
I ate a pot cookie, so, um...
215
00:10:10,276 --> 00:10:11,376
Yeah.
216
00:10:11,444 --> 00:10:13,155
So, good luck with all that.
217
00:10:13,179 --> 00:10:14,695
You got any cool DVDs?
218
00:10:14,781 --> 00:10:16,230
Brian, please, I need help.
219
00:10:16,299 --> 00:10:18,277
Totally!
Hey, where's Chris?
220
00:10:18,301 --> 00:10:20,652
I wonder if he'll play
Wii Bowling with me.
221
00:10:20,704 --> 00:10:22,398
All right, that's it.
I'm not just gonna sit here
222
00:10:22,422 --> 00:10:24,422
and see what that
psycho does next.
223
00:10:24,491 --> 00:10:25,690
All right, think.
224
00:10:25,742 --> 00:10:28,526
Ah! I shall fashion
a makeshift ladder
225
00:10:28,594 --> 00:10:30,322
with my diaper genie entrails,
226
00:10:30,346 --> 00:10:32,964
shimmy down to the yard,
and I'm free!
227
00:10:33,032 --> 00:10:37,502
The trick, Chris,
is thinking of the wand
as an extension of your arm.
228
00:10:37,570 --> 00:10:41,130
Wow, I can't believe
I'm pretend bowling
with a dog on drugs!
229
00:10:44,227 --> 00:10:45,459
Ah! Son of a bitch!
230
00:10:49,132 --> 00:10:50,642
Oh, my god!
A baby!
231
00:10:50,666 --> 00:10:53,246
My name is Shelly.
I can't have
any of my own.
232
00:10:53,270 --> 00:10:56,449
Would you like to
come home with me?
I love you so much!
233
00:10:56,473 --> 00:10:58,339
Argh!
Everywhere's a nightmare!
234
00:11:10,353 --> 00:11:13,383
Wow! It's nice
they put on
a banquet for you.
235
00:11:13,407 --> 00:11:15,401
But it looks like
I'm the only woman here.
236
00:11:15,425 --> 00:11:18,142
Yeah, they're ex-athletes,
which means
they're all divorced.
237
00:11:18,211 --> 00:11:21,512
In fact, their ex-wives
are having a banquet
next door with their money.
238
00:11:23,784 --> 00:11:27,602
Oh, they're having fun.
They're doing a lot
of "pointing" dancing.
239
00:11:31,207 --> 00:11:33,219
At least somebody's
having fun here tonight.
240
00:11:33,243 --> 00:11:36,155
Oh, you're just
nervous about the big
game tomorrow.
241
00:11:36,179 --> 00:11:38,524
Is it 'cause of
how pink you turn
when you run?
242
00:11:38,548 --> 00:11:40,909
A couple guys
mentioned that today
on the field.
243
00:11:40,933 --> 00:11:42,283
What? Who said that?
244
00:11:42,352 --> 00:11:43,996
I don't know.
Nomar-something...
245
00:11:44,020 --> 00:11:45,419
You met Nomar?
246
00:11:45,488 --> 00:11:46,871
Hey! There you are!
247
00:11:46,940 --> 00:11:48,968
We've been saving
a spot at the head
table for you
248
00:11:48,992 --> 00:11:50,336
with all the hall of famers.
249
00:11:50,360 --> 00:11:53,211
Oh, thanks!
Finally, something's
going my way.
250
00:11:53,279 --> 00:11:54,807
Where should I...
Not you.
251
00:11:54,831 --> 00:11:57,147
Lois.
What?
252
00:11:59,786 --> 00:12:01,903
This is the one night
of the year
253
00:12:01,971 --> 00:12:04,205
they let me out
of the scoreboard.
254
00:12:04,274 --> 00:12:07,475
Oh, I don't know
if I deserve to sit
at the head table.
255
00:12:07,543 --> 00:12:10,461
No, no! We took a vote.
We all wanna sit
next to you.
256
00:12:10,530 --> 00:12:12,091
You're the only
one here who
doesn't have
257
00:12:12,115 --> 00:12:14,544
a fist full of
baseball cards
for us to sign.
258
00:12:14,568 --> 00:12:15,945
I wasn't gonna
have 'em sign them.
259
00:12:15,969 --> 00:12:17,529
I was just gonna
tell them their stats.
260
00:12:17,553 --> 00:12:19,348
But, this is Peter's weekend.
261
00:12:19,372 --> 00:12:20,916
Ah, don't worry about Peter.
262
00:12:20,940 --> 00:12:22,117
Now, come on, Lois.
263
00:12:22,141 --> 00:12:23,769
We've got you
sitting right
between
264
00:12:23,793 --> 00:12:27,295
Pedro Martinez
and Ted Williams'
severed head.
265
00:12:27,363 --> 00:12:29,008
There's a special place in hell
266
00:12:29,032 --> 00:12:32,272
for whoever's
responsible for me
ending up like this.
267
00:12:37,690 --> 00:12:40,307
Hey Meg,
is anybody going to eat
this grilled cheese?
268
00:12:40,377 --> 00:12:42,977
No, don't eat that.
That's Stewie's lunch.
269
00:12:43,046 --> 00:12:45,308
Oh, my god!
Stewie! I forgot,
270
00:12:45,332 --> 00:12:48,692
he's been
in a time-out
for six hours!
271
00:12:49,402 --> 00:12:50,835
Stewie?
272
00:12:50,903 --> 00:12:53,404
Oh, no!
Where is he?
He's gone!
273
00:12:53,473 --> 00:12:55,306
I'm gonna be in so much trouble.
274
00:12:55,374 --> 00:12:57,419
I tried to tell you
watching Stewie
wasn't easy.
275
00:12:58,761 --> 00:13:01,980
Oh, man! This is terrible.
Stewie could be anywhere.
276
00:13:17,363 --> 00:13:19,508
Sorry, I forgot my jacket.
277
00:13:24,888 --> 00:13:27,632
Okay, everybody,
we're gonna do some
double play drills.
278
00:13:27,656 --> 00:13:30,441
Oh, yeah. Little infield.
Let's flash some leather,
huh, guys?
279
00:13:30,510 --> 00:13:32,988
Who wants
to play second?
I will.
280
00:13:33,012 --> 00:13:35,780
Lois, why don't you take second?
281
00:13:35,849 --> 00:13:39,200
How could he not see that?
I even held up my arm
with my other hand!
282
00:13:39,269 --> 00:13:41,680
That is the most
noticeable way to
raise your hand.
283
00:13:41,704 --> 00:13:44,664
Okay, Griffin,
you go out there and be
the base runner.
284
00:13:45,208 --> 00:13:47,269
All right, Peter,
show 'em what you got.
285
00:13:47,293 --> 00:13:48,887
Okay, Lois, catch the ball,
286
00:13:48,911 --> 00:13:50,523
and if your foot
comes off the bag,
287
00:13:50,547 --> 00:13:52,925
just tag Peter
on any part
of his body.
288
00:13:52,949 --> 00:13:56,095
How could I miss,
right? It'll be like
tagging a barn!
289
00:13:58,221 --> 00:14:00,854
Sorry, Peter.
That's baseball.
290
00:14:00,924 --> 00:14:04,525
I'll show you baseball,
you sexually
unsatisfied wife.
291
00:14:10,033 --> 00:14:11,665
Oh!
292
00:14:20,977 --> 00:14:22,226
Yeah!
293
00:14:22,295 --> 00:14:24,328
Now that's a big
league slide,
huh, coach?
294
00:14:24,397 --> 00:14:25,496
Ahh!
295
00:14:25,564 --> 00:14:27,426
Damn it, I think it's broken!
296
00:14:27,450 --> 00:14:29,367
Griffin, what are you, an idiot?
297
00:14:29,435 --> 00:14:33,321
Yeah. An idiot who's
gonna show up
on SportsCenter tonight.
298
00:14:33,389 --> 00:14:35,301
Coming up after
the break, we'll
have highlights of
299
00:14:35,325 --> 00:14:36,457
the playoff game between...
300
00:14:36,526 --> 00:14:37,842
Streaking. Unrelated.
301
00:14:45,618 --> 00:14:48,097
Yep, her leg is fractured.
We should get her
to the hospital.
302
00:14:48,121 --> 00:14:50,883
My only medical
training is to say
"Walk it off."
303
00:14:50,907 --> 00:14:52,601
Can you walk it off?
No!
304
00:14:52,625 --> 00:14:54,252
Oh, well, that's not good.
305
00:14:54,276 --> 00:14:56,906
Okay, I'm gonna go
fake-use the phone
in the dug out.
306
00:14:56,930 --> 00:14:59,024
Peter, what the hell
got into you?
307
00:14:59,048 --> 00:15:01,577
Nothing. I was just
trying to play hard
like Pete Rose.
308
00:15:01,601 --> 00:15:04,701
Look, I can even do
the Pete Rose haircut.
309
00:15:04,770 --> 00:15:07,739
I bet you a 1000 bucks
I have a drinking problem.
310
00:15:07,807 --> 00:15:09,527
Guys, we gotta get that leg set.
311
00:15:09,576 --> 00:15:11,225
I guess I should
ride in the
ambulance.
312
00:15:11,293 --> 00:15:12,988
You think I'll be back
in time for the game?
313
00:15:13,012 --> 00:15:15,240
What? You're not
playing in the game.
314
00:15:15,264 --> 00:15:16,775
It's supposed to be
a fun day out here,
315
00:15:16,799 --> 00:15:19,111
and you go nuts
and break
your wife's leg.
316
00:15:19,135 --> 00:15:20,830
Well, it's not my fault.
I'm all hopped up
317
00:15:20,854 --> 00:15:22,386
on hard baseball card gum.
318
00:15:27,861 --> 00:15:29,143
Mmm.
319
00:15:29,212 --> 00:15:31,178
It's like eating a MasterCard.
320
00:15:31,247 --> 00:15:32,727
Let's get her out of here.
321
00:15:34,167 --> 00:15:36,900
And you, you're done.
Clean out your locker!
322
00:15:38,220 --> 00:15:40,855
Kicked out?
I'm totally screwed.
323
00:15:40,923 --> 00:15:42,484
Like those poor guys
who had to come up
324
00:15:42,508 --> 00:15:44,808
with a new ad campaign
for Subway.
325
00:15:44,877 --> 00:15:48,830
Hey, I'm Mike.
I like sandwiches
and people my own age.
326
00:15:48,898 --> 00:15:51,858
Subway.Please don't thinkof pedophilia.
327
00:15:58,891 --> 00:16:00,692
You know what I'm
getting sick of saying?
328
00:16:00,744 --> 00:16:03,744
"My husband did
this to me, but it's
not what you think."
329
00:16:03,813 --> 00:16:06,164
Please forgive me, Lois.
I'm so stupid.
330
00:16:06,232 --> 00:16:08,132
The reason I didn't bring
my friends
331
00:16:08,201 --> 00:16:10,112
is 'cause I didn't
want 'em hogging
the spotlight.
332
00:16:10,136 --> 00:16:13,265
And then when I saw
everyone giving you
all that attention,
333
00:16:13,289 --> 00:16:14,655
I guess I kinda lost it.
334
00:16:14,724 --> 00:16:16,290
You did a little.
335
00:16:16,358 --> 00:16:18,926
But, of course I forgive you.
336
00:16:18,994 --> 00:16:21,596
I just don't understand
why you went so crazy.
337
00:16:21,681 --> 00:16:23,708
Well, ever since I was little,
338
00:16:23,732 --> 00:16:25,677
I was always the fat,
uncoordinated kid
339
00:16:25,701 --> 00:16:27,212
that nobody wanted
on their team.
340
00:16:27,236 --> 00:16:29,848
And I was excited,
that for one weekend,
if I could just
341
00:16:29,872 --> 00:16:32,851
step on that field
and get a hit
at Fenway Park.
342
00:16:32,875 --> 00:16:34,920
I could erase all that
and feel like a champ
343
00:16:34,944 --> 00:16:36,788
for the first time in my life.
344
00:16:36,812 --> 00:16:39,964
But, I'm not a champ.
I'm a fat loser.
345
00:16:40,032 --> 00:16:41,912
No wonder nobody ever picked me.
346
00:16:44,370 --> 00:16:46,503
I picked you, Peter.
347
00:16:46,572 --> 00:16:50,074
And to me and our kids,
you will always be
a winner.
348
00:16:50,143 --> 00:16:52,426
Thanks, Lois.
And you know what?
349
00:16:52,495 --> 00:16:54,590
If that's true,
I don't need to play
350
00:16:54,614 --> 00:16:56,609
in some stupid
Fantasy Baseball game.
351
00:16:56,633 --> 00:16:58,833
Well, guess what?
You're gonna play
in that game,
352
00:16:58,902 --> 00:17:00,368
and you're gonna get that hit.
353
00:17:00,436 --> 00:17:03,471
And when you do,
we're all gonna be there
to cheer you on.
354
00:17:03,540 --> 00:17:05,940
Really? Well how's
that gonna happen?
355
00:17:06,008 --> 00:17:08,159
Peter, these guys
have been sexually
harassing me
356
00:17:08,227 --> 00:17:09,560
since the second I got here.
357
00:17:09,629 --> 00:17:11,290
Either you play,
or every one
of these Red Sox
358
00:17:11,314 --> 00:17:12,596
are going to jail.
359
00:17:12,665 --> 00:17:14,248
Even Ted Williams.
360
00:17:14,317 --> 00:17:18,435
Mmm. New meat.
I think we're gonna
get along just fine.
361
00:17:18,504 --> 00:17:21,824
This is the number
one fear of only
being a head.
362
00:17:26,028 --> 00:17:29,646
Brian, do you always
listen to the SiriusXM
preview station?
363
00:17:29,715 --> 00:17:31,359
Yeah, I'm thinking
about pulling
the trigger,
364
00:17:31,383 --> 00:17:32,961
but they make
you sign like
a two year...
365
00:17:32,985 --> 00:17:34,801
Guys, who cares
about your dumb radio?
366
00:17:34,870 --> 00:17:36,470
We can't find Stewie anywhere!
367
00:17:38,073 --> 00:17:39,301
Hello?
368
00:17:39,325 --> 00:17:40,875
Oh, hi, Mom.
369
00:17:40,943 --> 00:17:43,844
Hi, honey.
How you doing?
How's Stewie?
370
00:17:43,913 --> 00:17:48,232
Oh, he's great.
Not lost or anything.
How's fantasy camp going?
371
00:17:48,301 --> 00:17:50,362
Uh, your father broke
my leg out of jealousy.
372
00:17:50,386 --> 00:17:53,554
But that didn't ruin
our honeymoon,
and it's not gonna ruin this.
373
00:17:53,623 --> 00:17:55,957
So listen, I want all you guys
374
00:17:56,025 --> 00:17:57,636
to drive up to Boston
this afternoon,
375
00:17:57,660 --> 00:17:59,780
to see your father
play in the big game.
376
00:17:59,829 --> 00:18:02,980
Wow.
We'd love to, Mom.
377
00:18:03,049 --> 00:18:08,052
But, we promised Stewie
we'd perform a puppet show
for him later today.
378
00:18:08,121 --> 00:18:11,155
Oh, you can perform it
for all of us up here
in Boston.
379
00:18:11,224 --> 00:18:14,425
The game's in two hours.
Drive safely.
380
00:18:14,494 --> 00:18:17,661
Crap! Now we gotta
find Stewie
and write a puppet show.
381
00:18:19,615 --> 00:18:22,015
We could repurpose
my one-act farce.
382
00:18:22,084 --> 00:18:24,552
Or, we could
write something fresh.
383
00:18:24,621 --> 00:18:26,231
Well, just because
it's already
been written
384
00:18:26,255 --> 00:18:27,466
doesn't mean it's not fresh.
385
00:18:27,490 --> 00:18:29,723
What did I just say?
Shut up!
386
00:18:29,809 --> 00:18:32,460
We're in trouble.
I'm in trouble!
387
00:18:32,528 --> 00:18:34,878
Hey, what's this?
A dickweed convention?
388
00:18:34,947 --> 00:18:36,030
Stewie!
389
00:18:36,098 --> 00:18:37,209
Oh, thank God, you're home!
390
00:18:37,233 --> 00:18:38,710
Where the hell have you been?
391
00:18:38,734 --> 00:18:40,846
As far away
from her as
possible!
392
00:18:40,870 --> 00:18:41,964
I forgot her name, honestly.
393
00:18:41,988 --> 00:18:43,037
Who? Meg?
394
00:18:43,106 --> 00:18:45,289
Yes, yes, Meg.
She's scary and mean,
395
00:18:45,358 --> 00:18:47,636
and I don't ever want her
to be in charge of me.
396
00:18:47,660 --> 00:18:49,927
Are you afraid
of me, little guy?
397
00:18:49,996 --> 00:18:53,764
Oh, Stewie. I'm really
sorry I left you
in that time-out.
398
00:18:53,832 --> 00:18:57,518
I love you very much
and I'm so happy
you're home.
399
00:18:57,587 --> 00:19:00,471
You're my little brother.
Can you forgive me?
400
00:19:01,424 --> 00:19:03,507
Well... All right.
401
00:19:09,365 --> 00:19:10,548
Can I have your baby?
402
00:19:10,616 --> 00:19:11,816
Don't let her in!
403
00:19:19,809 --> 00:19:22,570
We're all
proud of you, Peter.
Now don't be nervous.
404
00:19:22,594 --> 00:19:23,894
I ain't nervous, Lois.
405
00:19:23,963 --> 00:19:25,758
I'm just sweating
'cause I was
too embarrassed
406
00:19:25,782 --> 00:19:27,225
to get nude in the locker room
407
00:19:27,249 --> 00:19:29,361
so I'm wearing all this
over long pajamas.
408
00:19:29,385 --> 00:19:30,979
Ladies and gentlemen,
409
00:19:31,003 --> 00:19:35,038
now battingfor the Boston Red Sox,Peter Griffin.
410
00:19:52,941 --> 00:19:55,326
Fair ball.
Run, Peter! Run it out!
411
00:19:59,832 --> 00:20:01,293
Peter's brain.
412
00:20:01,317 --> 00:20:03,161
Yeah, this is
the muscle
department.
413
00:20:03,185 --> 00:20:04,863
What the hell is he doing?
414
00:20:04,887 --> 00:20:07,187
Uh, apparently
he's trying to sprint.
415
00:20:07,256 --> 00:20:09,824
Sprint? He got winded
walking to the plate!
416
00:20:09,892 --> 00:20:12,321
And he's been out
in the blazing sun
for two days!
417
00:20:12,345 --> 00:20:13,827
Has he had any water?
418
00:20:13,896 --> 00:20:16,998
No. He told his wife
there's juices
in the hot dogs.
419
00:20:17,066 --> 00:20:18,944
Well, I'm sorry.
I got no choice
420
00:20:18,968 --> 00:20:22,368
but to call for
a complete
muscle failure.
421
00:20:27,710 --> 00:20:30,539
Look! Dad's planking
from like eight
years ago.
422
00:20:30,563 --> 00:20:32,446
Is there a Neiman
Marcus in Boston?
423
00:20:32,515 --> 00:20:35,248
Peter! Get up!
Get up and run!
424
00:20:37,069 --> 00:20:38,636
Run, Peter!
Come on, Dad!
425
00:20:38,705 --> 00:20:39,887
We love you!
426
00:20:39,955 --> 00:20:41,522
Copley Place.
How far is that?
427
00:20:52,134 --> 00:20:54,401
I ran like a champion that day.
428
00:20:54,470 --> 00:20:58,171
Pushing through the pain oftwo torn hamstringsand a ruptured groin.
429
00:20:58,240 --> 00:21:01,675
A leg out to hitat Fenway Park,I had always dreamed of.
430
00:21:03,279 --> 00:21:05,079
But, nobody noticed.
431
00:21:05,147 --> 00:21:07,659
'Cause the account managerfrom B of Awho was playing third base
432
00:21:07,683 --> 00:21:10,751
had a massive coronarytrying to fieldmy crappy little number.
433
00:21:11,720 --> 00:21:13,553
The hit was amazing!
434
00:21:13,622 --> 00:21:15,150
But what made it even better,
435
00:21:15,174 --> 00:21:17,958
was that my family was there
to share the moment with me.
436
00:21:18,027 --> 00:21:19,526
And on the car ride home,
437
00:21:19,595 --> 00:21:22,113
they put on a puppet show
that made me laugh so hard
438
00:21:22,181 --> 00:21:24,681
I crashed into a toll booth
on the Mass Pike,
439
00:21:24,750 --> 00:21:27,470
totaling the carand breaking Lois'other leg.
440
00:21:27,937 --> 00:21:29,603
The casts kinda smell,
441
00:21:29,672 --> 00:21:32,117
so I won't let hersleep in the bedroomtill they're off.
442
00:21:32,141 --> 00:21:33,507
But, that's baseball.
34830
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