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♪ It seems today
that all you see
2
00:00:04,722 --> 00:00:08,290
♪ Is violence in movies
and sex on TV
3
00:00:08,359 --> 00:00:11,777
♪ But where are those
good old-fashioned values
4
00:00:11,845 --> 00:00:14,779
♪ On which we used to rely?
5
00:00:14,849 --> 00:00:18,283
♪ Lucky there's a family guy
6
00:00:18,352 --> 00:00:21,420
♪ Lucky there's a man who
positively can do
7
00:00:21,488 --> 00:00:22,988
♪ All the things that make us
8
00:00:23,057 --> 00:00:24,539
♪ Laugh and cry
9
00:00:24,608 --> 00:00:29,811
♪ He's a family guy ♪
10
00:00:38,054 --> 00:00:40,017
Ugh. This is
going to suck.
11
00:00:40,041 --> 00:00:41,968
Eighty percent of these acts
are either air guitar
12
00:00:41,992 --> 00:00:44,104
or girls dancing to
songs from Frozen.
13
00:00:44,128 --> 00:00:46,168
Yeah, back in my day
you had to be a triple threat
14
00:00:46,196 --> 00:00:47,779
to even get on that stage.
15
00:00:47,847 --> 00:00:50,065
You were a triple threat?
I sure was.
16
00:00:50,134 --> 00:00:52,333
I could sing, dance,
and guess the weight
17
00:00:52,402 --> 00:00:54,280
of any baby that
was tossed to me.
18
00:00:56,106 --> 00:00:58,724
♪ I'm a Yankee Doodle Dandy ♪
19
00:00:58,792 --> 00:00:59,807
Eight pounds.
20
00:00:59,876 --> 00:01:01,593
♪ Yankee Doodle do or die ♪
21
00:01:01,662 --> 00:01:02,845
Twelve-nine. A big one.
22
00:01:02,913 --> 00:01:06,147
♪ A real live nephew
of my Uncle Sam
23
00:01:06,216 --> 00:01:08,499
♪ Born on the Fourth of July ♪
24
00:01:08,568 --> 00:01:11,329
Three pounds.
Someone couldn't
wait to be here.
25
00:01:21,082 --> 00:01:22,263
Did that really happen?
26
00:01:22,332 --> 00:01:25,417
Nah, I just lip synced
Born to Run.
27
00:01:25,486 --> 00:01:28,469
The show is about to start.
Is Daddy still
parking the car?
28
00:01:28,539 --> 00:01:30,956
Yes. Everything takes him
longer these days.
29
00:01:31,025 --> 00:01:33,558
His cataracts are getting worse.
30
00:01:33,627 --> 00:01:35,994
Hey, Lois, look over there,
it's Jessica Chastain.
31
00:01:36,063 --> 00:01:39,681
Oh, Daddy,
that's Bryce Dallas Howard.
You're blind as a bat.
32
00:01:53,513 --> 00:01:56,648
Okay, for the first of our
65 performances tonight...
33
00:01:58,185 --> 00:02:00,046
You got
to be kidding me?
Son of a bitch!
34
00:02:00,070 --> 00:02:03,588
I agree. Now, please,welcome Meg Griffinand Ruth Cockhammer.
35
00:02:03,657 --> 00:02:05,707
- No laughing.
- It's Cochammer.
36
00:02:05,775 --> 00:02:07,593
Not in the boys' room, it isn't.
37
00:02:12,415 --> 00:02:15,149
♪ One, two, three,
to the four
38
00:02:15,218 --> 00:02:17,752
♪ Meg Meggy Megg
and Dr. Ruth is at the door ♪
39
00:02:17,821 --> 00:02:21,289
Wake up, people!Monsanto is poisoningthe world with Frankenfoods
40
00:02:21,358 --> 00:02:22,752
and we're letting it happen.
41
00:02:22,776 --> 00:02:24,654
Monsanto equals murder!
Monsanto equals murder!
42
00:02:24,678 --> 00:02:26,278
Monsanto equals murder!
43
00:02:26,346 --> 00:02:29,058
That's enough.
I am so sick of
this being used
44
00:02:29,082 --> 00:02:31,599
as a platform to attack
genetically modified foods.
45
00:02:31,685 --> 00:02:33,725
You can't silence the truth!
46
00:02:34,155 --> 00:02:35,269
What? What?
47
00:02:35,338 --> 00:02:36,538
It's over, Patty.
48
00:02:36,573 --> 00:02:38,813
Hi, Patty.
I like Patty.
49
00:02:41,745 --> 00:02:44,479
Okay, up next
here is Evelyn Fong,
50
00:02:44,548 --> 00:02:46,631
our 11-year-old
high school junior.
51
00:03:04,284 --> 00:03:06,518
Oh, my God.
52
00:03:06,586 --> 00:03:08,020
What is that?
53
00:03:08,088 --> 00:03:11,205
It's...
It's the most beautiful thing
I've ever heard.
54
00:03:11,274 --> 00:03:12,841
It's a violin, Peter.
55
00:03:12,910 --> 00:03:15,310
And now, two football players
are going to do something
56
00:03:15,379 --> 00:03:18,363
that only makes senseto the rest ofthe football team.
57
00:03:18,432 --> 00:03:19,865
Coach, the bus is here.
58
00:03:19,933 --> 00:03:21,883
This is an away game?
59
00:03:23,270 --> 00:03:25,737
Oh, it's true!
Remember that happened?
60
00:03:25,805 --> 00:03:28,840
Those are
the kids I bought beer for.
61
00:03:28,909 --> 00:03:31,176
I gotta take a leak.
Daddy, you can't see,
62
00:03:31,244 --> 00:03:34,404
let me help you
to the bathroom.
I can see fine.
63
00:03:34,915 --> 00:03:37,682
All right, there's only
so many seats on the bus.
64
00:03:37,751 --> 00:03:40,085
One of you will
have to sit next to me.
65
00:03:40,154 --> 00:03:41,370
I will, Coach.
66
00:03:42,923 --> 00:03:45,368
Oh! He talks on
the whole bus ride!
67
00:03:49,680 --> 00:03:52,058
How are you,
gentlemen?
Dude, what the hell?
68
00:03:52,082 --> 00:03:53,927
Whoa! With cataracts
like those
69
00:03:53,951 --> 00:03:55,991
someone needs
a big pair of glasses.
70
00:03:56,035 --> 00:03:58,102
Hey! Jessica Chastain.
71
00:04:02,826 --> 00:04:06,260
I'm glad you
finally agreed to have
the cataract surgery, Daddy.
72
00:04:06,329 --> 00:04:09,297
I wish I hadn't,
I can't see anything now.
This is terrible.
73
00:04:09,366 --> 00:04:13,035
Well, that... That's why
the whole family came
to support you.
74
00:04:13,103 --> 00:04:14,419
Oh, really?
75
00:04:14,487 --> 00:04:16,221
Oh, wow, that's so kind.
Who's here?
76
00:04:16,290 --> 00:04:18,673
Oh, uh, well,
as you know, I'm here.
77
00:04:18,742 --> 00:04:21,627
Who else?
Stewie and Brian.
78
00:04:21,695 --> 00:04:23,455
Hey, hope you feel better soon.
79
00:04:23,479 --> 00:04:25,580
That doesn't sound
like the whole family.
80
00:04:25,649 --> 00:04:28,461
Hey,
hope those eyes
get better soon, Pop.
81
00:04:28,485 --> 00:04:31,068
It's me, Peter. Shipoopi.
82
00:04:31,137 --> 00:04:32,637
Oh, thanks for coming, Peter.
83
00:04:32,706 --> 00:04:35,140
I'm here too, Grandpa.
84
00:04:35,208 --> 00:04:39,127
And, uh... And Meg went down
to, to put money in the meter.
85
00:04:39,196 --> 00:04:40,462
Ah, I don't care.
86
00:04:40,531 --> 00:04:42,441
Now, Mr. Pewterschmidt,
your vision will be impaired
87
00:04:42,465 --> 00:04:44,198
for a few weeks
while you recover.
88
00:04:44,267 --> 00:04:46,401
I recommend you and your wife
have someone around
89
00:04:46,469 --> 00:04:47,964
to help you during this time.
90
00:04:47,988 --> 00:04:50,050
Well, I'd love
to help you, Daddy,
91
00:04:50,074 --> 00:04:52,357
but Stewie's just
been so fussy lately.
92
00:04:52,426 --> 00:04:54,337
He's constantly
crying for no reason.
93
00:04:54,361 --> 00:04:56,161
What are you talking about?
I'm fine.
94
00:04:56,229 --> 00:04:57,746
Ow! Bitch!
95
00:04:57,814 --> 00:04:59,280
She does this a lot.
96
00:04:59,349 --> 00:05:01,566
You know?
Maybe Brian could help you.
97
00:05:01,634 --> 00:05:03,701
He could be your service dog.
98
00:05:03,770 --> 00:05:05,532
Come on, Lois,
I don't want to do that.
99
00:05:05,556 --> 00:05:07,383
Your father and I
have nothing in common.
100
00:05:07,407 --> 00:05:08,924
Brian, please.
101
00:05:08,992 --> 00:05:12,027
If you do this for me,
you'll be a hero
just like King Arthur
102
00:05:12,095 --> 00:05:13,762
when he pulled
the sword from the stone.
103
00:05:16,416 --> 00:05:19,117
Oh, yeah.
104
00:05:19,186 --> 00:05:22,754
Whoo! Oh, God,
this is embarrassing.
105
00:05:22,822 --> 00:05:25,574
I'm so sorry,
it's been, like, 500 years.
106
00:05:25,642 --> 00:05:28,175
Ah, this is your big moment
and I'm ruining it.
107
00:05:35,268 --> 00:05:36,695
Peter, what the hell
are you doing?
108
00:05:36,719 --> 00:05:39,136
I'm learning violin.
It's kind of
like my new hobby.
109
00:05:39,205 --> 00:05:42,140
Well, if we're
talking about new hobbies...
110
00:05:43,243 --> 00:05:45,059
What is it?
It's a mason jar
111
00:05:45,128 --> 00:05:46,606
filled with layered sand.
112
00:05:46,630 --> 00:05:48,474
You can put it in your bathroom
113
00:05:48,498 --> 00:05:50,618
or anywhere you
want to feel peaceful.
114
00:05:51,485 --> 00:05:52,700
Now it's nothing.
115
00:05:52,769 --> 00:05:54,464
I always liked the violin
116
00:05:54,488 --> 00:05:57,221
'cause it kind of
has curves like a lady.
117
00:05:57,290 --> 00:05:59,702
Hey, you know what?
Maybe you guys
can learn an instrument too,
118
00:05:59,726 --> 00:06:01,037
and then we could
all play together.
119
00:06:01,061 --> 00:06:03,005
Really? That sounds
like a lot of work.
120
00:06:03,029 --> 00:06:04,857
Yeah, no offense, muchacho,
121
00:06:04,881 --> 00:06:07,777
but I don't know
if I have time
for that, muchacho.
122
00:06:07,801 --> 00:06:09,317
Yeah, you're doing
muchacho wrong.
123
00:06:09,385 --> 00:06:11,002
Come on, guys, it could be cool.
124
00:06:11,071 --> 00:06:13,098
I did play the oboe
in high school
125
00:06:13,122 --> 00:06:15,051
and the girls
wouldn't leave me alone.
126
00:06:15,075 --> 00:06:17,008
Girls do like guys in a band.
127
00:06:17,077 --> 00:06:18,260
I'm in, giggity.
128
00:06:18,328 --> 00:06:21,729
Oh, Quagmire,
you are so predictable,
129
00:06:21,798 --> 00:06:23,815
and that's why I
love you, muchacho.
130
00:06:23,883 --> 00:06:26,033
See, that's how you do muchacho.
131
00:06:26,102 --> 00:06:28,904
And you know?
There's four of us,
we could be a string quartet.
132
00:06:28,972 --> 00:06:30,572
All right, I'll do it,
133
00:06:30,641 --> 00:06:32,723
but first, you guys gotta do
one thing for me.
134
00:06:32,792 --> 00:06:33,792
Sure, Joe, what is it?
135
00:06:33,861 --> 00:06:35,421
I want you to put
me in the booth.
136
00:06:35,445 --> 00:06:38,129
I want to feel like
a person for a second.
137
00:06:38,182 --> 00:06:39,614
Oh, yeah, sure.
No problem.
138
00:06:39,683 --> 00:06:41,594
All right,
Quagmire, you do upper,
I'll do lower.
139
00:06:41,618 --> 00:06:42,767
Sure, let's do it.
140
00:06:53,013 --> 00:06:54,395
Wow, thanks, guys.
141
00:06:55,882 --> 00:06:57,915
Uh-oh.
142
00:06:57,984 --> 00:06:59,829
Hey, guys, guys.
Put him back up,
143
00:06:59,853 --> 00:07:01,093
I just thought of something.
144
00:07:05,942 --> 00:07:08,176
This is gonna be a blast.
145
00:07:16,519 --> 00:07:19,787
Mr. Pewterschmidt,
your service dog has arrived.
146
00:07:19,856 --> 00:07:21,400
Hey, Carter.
Brian.
147
00:07:21,424 --> 00:07:22,840
You have a butler?
148
00:07:22,909 --> 00:07:24,703
Then why am I here?
Why can't he help you?
149
00:07:24,727 --> 00:07:26,911
What? That's stupid.
Who would announce him?
150
00:07:26,980 --> 00:07:30,498
See, this, right here,
this is the one percenter
crap I can't stand.
151
00:07:30,566 --> 00:07:32,951
Yes, it is.
Now sit your 99
percenter ass down
152
00:07:33,020 --> 00:07:34,418
and read me the comics.
153
00:07:34,487 --> 00:07:35,836
Ugh.
154
00:07:35,905 --> 00:07:38,924
Okay. The Wizard of Id
is addressing his subjects.
155
00:07:38,992 --> 00:07:40,458
Is he up on that balcony?
156
00:07:40,527 --> 00:07:42,677
Yes.
Ha-ha! Then it's a good one.
157
00:07:52,789 --> 00:07:54,367
Okay, hang on, hang on, hang on.
158
00:07:54,391 --> 00:07:55,852
Peter, what note
are you playing?
159
00:07:55,876 --> 00:07:58,043
I'm sorry,
I'm not familiar. "Note"?
160
00:07:58,111 --> 00:07:59,271
Haven't you been practicing?
161
00:07:59,329 --> 00:08:00,846
All the time!
162
00:08:00,914 --> 00:08:03,393
But you gotta understand.
I'm comin' from
the kazoo world.
163
00:08:03,417 --> 00:08:05,060
So, it's gonna
take a little while
164
00:08:05,084 --> 00:08:08,030
to transfer that
whole body of information
into this instrument.
165
00:08:08,054 --> 00:08:09,987
Come on, you clearly
haven't been practicing.
166
00:08:10,056 --> 00:08:11,584
All right, fine.
I haven't.
167
00:08:11,608 --> 00:08:13,469
But I've been doing
other violin stuff,
168
00:08:13,493 --> 00:08:14,693
like, I bought this jacket,
169
00:08:14,761 --> 00:08:17,629
like what Bugs Bunny wears
when he's with that opera guy.
170
00:08:19,149 --> 00:08:20,431
Wow, that looks sharp.
171
00:08:20,500 --> 00:08:22,834
Yeah, I've been practicing
how to sit down in it.
172
00:08:24,437 --> 00:08:26,705
Ew! Peter, those tails
are soaking wet.
173
00:08:26,773 --> 00:08:28,933
They may have
been in the toilet.
174
00:08:33,279 --> 00:08:35,914
Brian! Get in here.
What's up?
What do you need?
175
00:08:35,983 --> 00:08:37,231
I'm done with my bath.
176
00:08:37,301 --> 00:08:39,362
Put on this lady wig
and help me out of the tub.
177
00:08:39,386 --> 00:08:41,085
What? Why do I
have to wear a wig?
178
00:08:41,154 --> 00:08:42,354
Otherwise it's weird.
179
00:08:44,341 --> 00:08:45,873
Thank you, Penelope.
180
00:08:45,942 --> 00:08:48,171
Hey, it's 4:30,
time for dinner.
181
00:08:48,195 --> 00:08:51,012
But first, grab that Gold Bond
and powder my speed bag.
182
00:08:55,885 --> 00:08:57,819
Ah, there's the tingle.
183
00:09:05,211 --> 00:09:07,979
Wow! So you could just bypass
all that gridlock?
184
00:09:08,047 --> 00:09:09,541
Having a helicopter is amazing.
185
00:09:09,565 --> 00:09:11,032
And that's not all.
186
00:09:11,101 --> 00:09:14,118
I also use it to
throw boxes of frogs
down on that church.
187
00:09:14,187 --> 00:09:16,070
They go bananas.
188
00:09:16,139 --> 00:09:19,379
Well, I could really
get used to this
rich guy stuff.
189
00:09:19,409 --> 00:09:22,060
♪ Funny, funny, funny
what money can do
190
00:09:22,129 --> 00:09:25,146
♪ Them that have it
get more of it
191
00:09:25,214 --> 00:09:28,533
♪ The less they need it
The more they love it
192
00:09:28,602 --> 00:09:32,153
♪ And it sticks to
them like glue
193
00:09:32,222 --> 00:09:35,807
♪ Funny, funny, funny,
what money can do
194
00:09:35,875 --> 00:09:39,210
♪ Ask the rich man
he'll confess
195
00:09:39,279 --> 00:09:42,463
♪ Money can't buy happiness
196
00:09:42,532 --> 00:09:45,483
♪ Ask the poor man
he don't doubt
197
00:09:45,552 --> 00:09:48,353
♪ But he'd rather be miserable
with than without
198
00:09:48,421 --> 00:09:51,389
♪ If you spend it
please be wiser
199
00:09:51,457 --> 00:09:54,692
♪ If you save it
you're a miser
200
00:09:54,761 --> 00:09:58,746
♪ You don't want it
you're cuckoo
201
00:09:58,815 --> 00:10:01,816
♪ Funny, funny, funny
what money can do ♪
202
00:10:05,371 --> 00:10:06,754
You guys, I got great news.
203
00:10:06,822 --> 00:10:08,689
Some skank I used to bang
is getting married,
204
00:10:08,758 --> 00:10:10,553
and they need someone
to play at the ceremony.
205
00:10:10,577 --> 00:10:11,876
We got our first gig.
206
00:10:11,945 --> 00:10:13,222
Wow, a weddin'.
That's awesome!
207
00:10:13,246 --> 00:10:15,806
All right,
then we should probably
practice our piece.
208
00:10:26,192 --> 00:10:28,993
Hold on, hold on.
Peter... That's terrible!
209
00:10:29,062 --> 00:10:31,045
You're sounding
like you were
strangling a cat.
210
00:10:31,114 --> 00:10:33,575
Well, I was.
That's how I got
revved up to perform.
211
00:10:33,599 --> 00:10:35,049
No, just now.
212
00:10:35,118 --> 00:10:37,063
Look, it's clear
that you still haven't
practiced at all.
213
00:10:37,087 --> 00:10:39,387
Yeah, this was your
idea in the first place.
214
00:10:39,456 --> 00:10:41,322
But you're the only
one who's done no work.
215
00:10:41,390 --> 00:10:42,657
"No work"?
216
00:10:42,725 --> 00:10:44,437
I stared in the mirror for hours
217
00:10:44,461 --> 00:10:47,795
playing air violin to the song
Bitter Sweet Symphony.
218
00:10:55,221 --> 00:10:56,304
Okay, enough.
219
00:10:56,389 --> 00:10:59,741
I gotta remind myself
I can over-practice.
220
00:10:59,809 --> 00:11:02,237
Peter, you're
out of the group.
What?
221
00:11:02,261 --> 00:11:04,695
Well, fine.
Screw you, guys.
222
00:11:06,432 --> 00:11:08,366
Wow, he seemed pretty angry.
223
00:11:08,434 --> 00:11:10,168
Yeah, I haven't
seen him this upset
224
00:11:10,237 --> 00:11:13,137
since he got caught
using that fake ID.
225
00:11:13,206 --> 00:11:15,173
Can I see your ID, please?
226
00:11:18,578 --> 00:11:19,860
Give me one second.
227
00:11:19,929 --> 00:11:23,831
Uh, sir, that lady who came in
and ate all the pies is back.
228
00:11:28,071 --> 00:11:30,421
Okay, let's see how
those eyes are doing.
229
00:11:30,490 --> 00:11:32,768
See if you can tell
me where Waldo is.
230
00:11:32,792 --> 00:11:34,892
He's right there
buying an ice cream cone.
231
00:11:34,961 --> 00:11:37,428
Damn it, I've been stuck
on that page for two days.
232
00:11:37,496 --> 00:11:38,846
Oh, and your eyes are fine.
233
00:11:38,914 --> 00:11:40,648
Hey, that's terrific, Carter.
234
00:11:40,716 --> 00:11:42,082
Seems like it's time to go home
235
00:11:42,151 --> 00:11:44,231
and pour some of
that scotch of yours
to celebrate.
236
00:11:44,271 --> 00:11:45,998
That sounds like a great idea.
237
00:11:46,022 --> 00:11:48,200
See you later.
Wait, wait.
What are you talking about?
238
00:11:48,224 --> 00:11:50,057
I meant, like...
Like both of us.
239
00:11:50,127 --> 00:11:51,754
Didn't you hear him?
I'm all healed.
240
00:11:51,778 --> 00:11:53,288
I don't need
a service dog anymore.
241
00:11:53,312 --> 00:11:54,762
What are you saying?
242
00:11:54,831 --> 00:11:56,409
I'm saying,
"I'm done with you."
243
00:11:56,433 --> 00:11:58,043
Now, before I go,
I'm just going to
244
00:11:58,067 --> 00:12:00,234
old man drink
this glass of water.
245
00:12:01,988 --> 00:12:03,504
Ah!
246
00:12:05,541 --> 00:12:07,908
Ah!
247
00:12:09,513 --> 00:12:11,713
Ah!
248
00:12:11,781 --> 00:12:14,021
Now to take an old man pee.
249
00:12:15,919 --> 00:12:17,062
Ow.
250
00:12:17,086 --> 00:12:21,989
Ow. Ow. Ow.
251
00:12:22,058 --> 00:12:23,490
Ow.
252
00:12:23,559 --> 00:12:24,992
Ow.
253
00:12:25,061 --> 00:12:26,393
Ow.
254
00:12:26,462 --> 00:12:27,829
Ow.
255
00:12:27,897 --> 00:12:29,097
Ow.
256
00:12:29,132 --> 00:12:30,364
Ow.
257
00:12:30,433 --> 00:12:31,576
Ow.
258
00:12:31,600 --> 00:12:32,934
Ow.
259
00:12:33,002 --> 00:12:34,368
Ow.
260
00:12:35,771 --> 00:12:36,971
Ow.
261
00:12:43,396 --> 00:12:45,363
Oh, Brian,
just in time for dinner.
262
00:12:45,431 --> 00:12:47,031
We're having sloppy joes.
263
00:12:47,100 --> 00:12:48,365
Eh. What else you got?
264
00:12:48,434 --> 00:12:50,885
How about a knuckle sandwich?
265
00:12:50,953 --> 00:12:54,139
If Peter said that,
you all would have
lost your minds laughing.
266
00:12:54,191 --> 00:12:55,640
It's just that
at Carter's house,
267
00:12:55,709 --> 00:12:57,019
if you don't want
something heavy,
268
00:12:57,043 --> 00:12:58,626
Etienne will whip
you up an egg dish
269
00:12:58,694 --> 00:13:01,011
with some shallots
and chanterelles
or whatever's fresh.
270
00:13:01,080 --> 00:13:03,214
Yeah, I know all about Etienne.
271
00:13:03,283 --> 00:13:06,550
He climbed into my bed
when I was 11.
272
00:13:06,620 --> 00:13:08,660
I'm sure this is
a step down for you, Bri,
273
00:13:08,688 --> 00:13:09,982
but now you're back
in the real world
274
00:13:10,006 --> 00:13:12,168
where our poop stinks
and we all eat garbage.
275
00:13:12,192 --> 00:13:13,824
Yeah, guess I got used to being
276
00:13:13,877 --> 00:13:15,442
a little pampered
over at Carter's.
277
00:13:15,511 --> 00:13:17,539
Well, I'd be careful
with your uptown ways.
278
00:13:17,563 --> 00:13:19,508
Some of the other
kids don't like it.
279
00:13:20,850 --> 00:13:22,761
He thinks he's better than us.
280
00:13:22,785 --> 00:13:25,053
What time you going
to bed, fancy boy?
281
00:13:25,121 --> 00:13:28,540
I don't know, 9:00.
"Nine o'clock," Chris.
282
00:13:28,592 --> 00:13:30,674
Look, it's not
even about the stuff.
283
00:13:30,743 --> 00:13:33,027
Carter and I became friends.
284
00:13:33,095 --> 00:13:34,562
Wait a minute, of course.
285
00:13:34,648 --> 00:13:36,808
Whatever you're
going to say next,
I bet it's wrong.
286
00:13:36,832 --> 00:13:39,851
I offended Carter
by offering to work for him.
287
00:13:39,919 --> 00:13:41,652
I mean, once
it became a friendship,
288
00:13:41,721 --> 00:13:44,383
he didn't want me
working for him,
he wanted a pal.
289
00:13:44,407 --> 00:13:45,717
Brian, you're not
kidding anyone.
290
00:13:45,741 --> 00:13:47,603
We all know you
don't care about Carter.
291
00:13:47,627 --> 00:13:48,971
You only care about his money.
292
00:13:48,995 --> 00:13:51,078
No, no. No.
He knows I'm his friend.
293
00:13:51,147 --> 00:13:53,948
Yeah, right. That's what Woody
thought about Buzz Lightyear.
294
00:13:55,985 --> 00:13:59,003
Bo Peep!
What's going on here?
295
00:13:59,072 --> 00:14:02,440
Um... You've got
a friend in me.
296
00:14:07,497 --> 00:14:10,814
What are you doing here?
I thought you were
rehearsing with the guys.
297
00:14:10,884 --> 00:14:13,601
Ah, the bastards kicked me out
'cause I'm not good enough.
298
00:14:13,670 --> 00:14:15,403
Oh, and they also taught me that
299
00:14:15,472 --> 00:14:17,305
if your hand is
bigger than your face,
300
00:14:17,374 --> 00:14:19,324
you have cancer.
301
00:14:19,392 --> 00:14:23,061
So maybe you should, uh,
you know, do the test.
302
00:14:23,129 --> 00:14:25,140
I had cancer, Peter, remember?
303
00:14:25,164 --> 00:14:27,632
I was in the hospital,
you weren't there for it.
304
00:14:27,700 --> 00:14:29,334
Well, maybe you have it again.
305
00:14:29,402 --> 00:14:31,452
Peter, I'm not
falling for your trick.
306
00:14:31,521 --> 00:14:33,782
But if you're upset
about the guys kicking
you out of the group,
307
00:14:33,806 --> 00:14:35,450
you can't really blame them.
308
00:14:35,474 --> 00:14:37,858
The violin takes
discipline and dedication.
309
00:14:37,927 --> 00:14:40,060
You never even practiced.
310
00:14:40,129 --> 00:14:42,591
They probably thought
you were just
wasting their time.
311
00:14:42,615 --> 00:14:44,165
Maybe you're right, I guess...
312
00:14:44,233 --> 00:14:46,395
I guess, I could have
been a little more
serious about it.
313
00:14:46,419 --> 00:14:47,852
Well, it's not too late.
314
00:14:47,921 --> 00:14:50,488
Maybe you could find a teacher
who could help you learn.
315
00:14:50,556 --> 00:14:52,601
And if you work at it
and get a little better,
316
00:14:52,625 --> 00:14:54,353
they'll see you care about them.
317
00:14:54,377 --> 00:14:56,389
You know what?
That's a great idea.
I'll take some lessons.
318
00:14:56,413 --> 00:14:59,413
I'm going to work really hard
just like my deodorant.
319
00:14:59,482 --> 00:15:01,665
How does a guy
like me stay fresh?
320
00:15:01,735 --> 00:15:03,701
I use Fat Guys deodorant.
321
00:15:03,770 --> 00:15:07,238
Whether you're sitting,
leaning, lying down,
or sitting,
322
00:15:07,306 --> 00:15:08,872
Fat Guys keeps you dry.
323
00:15:08,941 --> 00:15:11,942
Apply every five minutes
and you're good
for five minutes.
324
00:15:12,011 --> 00:15:14,529
And now for the confusing
commercial back story.
325
00:15:14,597 --> 00:15:16,664
Ready for the fund-raiser, Dad?
326
00:15:16,733 --> 00:15:18,383
Yeah, I'll be
right there, buddy.
327
00:15:18,451 --> 00:15:21,386
We're going to a fund-raiser
and we share a bedroom.
328
00:15:26,343 --> 00:15:28,470
Mr. Pewterschmidt,
you have a visitor.
329
00:15:28,494 --> 00:15:30,360
Hey, buddy, looking good.
330
00:15:30,429 --> 00:15:32,429
So what are we drinking?
Or better yet,
331
00:15:32,465 --> 00:15:34,143
why aren't we drinking?
332
00:15:34,167 --> 00:15:36,667
Get the hell out of here!
I told you I'm done with you.
333
00:15:36,736 --> 00:15:39,787
And besides,
I'm off to the spa
down at the club.
334
00:15:39,856 --> 00:15:42,176
How's the temp?
Good and hot?
335
00:15:43,242 --> 00:15:45,676
Oh, yeah, that's the stuff.
336
00:15:45,744 --> 00:15:49,264
Hey, did you also
not wash your ass
before getting in?
337
00:15:49,482 --> 00:15:51,849
Yeah. Fuck that sign.
338
00:15:56,773 --> 00:15:58,533
There you go,
Mr. Glenn.
Thanks.
339
00:15:58,557 --> 00:16:01,626
Hey, can I get
a couple of extras
of these plastic bags?
340
00:16:01,695 --> 00:16:03,095
Let me just test
this out quickly.
341
00:16:06,750 --> 00:16:08,376
Yeah, that works.
Okay, now you go.
342
00:16:08,400 --> 00:16:10,801
I have to get back to
teaching violin lesson.
343
00:16:17,893 --> 00:16:20,327
Those scales sound terrible!
You fat and lazy.
344
00:16:20,396 --> 00:16:22,346
You leave now!
No, please.
345
00:16:22,415 --> 00:16:25,060
I got to get better
so I can be as
good as my friends.
346
00:16:25,084 --> 00:16:26,601
I really let them down.
347
00:16:28,988 --> 00:16:31,639
You fingers no bleeding,
you no try hard enough.
348
00:16:31,707 --> 00:16:33,591
You want me press iron
on your back again?
349
00:16:33,660 --> 00:16:35,576
I'm trying! I'm trying!
Try harder.
350
00:16:35,644 --> 00:16:36,777
Play better!
351
00:16:40,716 --> 00:16:41,810
Argh!
352
00:16:41,834 --> 00:16:44,194
Is somebody making
a Cuban sandwich?
353
00:16:48,474 --> 00:16:51,209
Lousy, no good, rotten...
354
00:16:53,812 --> 00:16:57,059
Brian, what's up?
Why are you engaging
in cartoon profanity?
355
00:16:57,083 --> 00:16:58,733
Carter wants
nothing to do with me.
356
00:16:58,801 --> 00:16:59,867
I'm just so mad.
357
00:16:59,935 --> 00:17:01,080
Don't you mean sad?
358
00:17:01,104 --> 00:17:02,681
You know, about the friendship?
359
00:17:02,705 --> 00:17:05,133
Oh, no. Of course,
you mean mad
about the money.
360
00:17:05,157 --> 00:17:07,858
All right. Fine,
it was about the money.
I miss the money.
361
00:17:07,927 --> 00:17:10,444
Yes, I know. I saw all your
Instagrams on his helicopter,
362
00:17:10,513 --> 00:17:11,846
like it was your helicopter.
363
00:17:11,914 --> 00:17:13,614
I never said it
was my helicopter.
364
00:17:13,683 --> 00:17:15,411
Yeah, you never said it wasn't.
365
00:17:15,435 --> 00:17:18,475
The implication was that
it was a regular part
of your life.
366
00:17:18,538 --> 00:17:20,521
Anyway, I know this
makes me sound awful
367
00:17:20,590 --> 00:17:23,957
but I almost wish
Carter was still blind
so he'd still need me.
368
00:17:24,026 --> 00:17:25,243
Yeah, but he's not.
369
00:17:26,529 --> 00:17:28,713
But he could be.
370
00:17:28,781 --> 00:17:31,165
But he isn't.
But he should be.
371
00:17:31,767 --> 00:17:33,033
Oh, no.
372
00:17:33,102 --> 00:17:34,585
Come on, it'd be temporary.
373
00:17:34,653 --> 00:17:36,320
Just until he realizes
I'm a great hang.
374
00:17:36,389 --> 00:17:38,534
But you're not,
so I don't want
any part of this.
375
00:17:38,558 --> 00:17:41,442
Okay, I get it, I get it.
You wouldn't want
to help me out.
376
00:17:41,511 --> 00:17:43,878
What was I thinking?
He's your grandfather...
377
00:17:43,946 --> 00:17:46,197
Even though he did say
that thing about you.
378
00:17:46,266 --> 00:17:47,576
What?
What did he say about me?
379
00:17:47,600 --> 00:17:49,901
Oh, I... I'm sorry,
I thought I told you. Um...
380
00:17:49,969 --> 00:17:52,886
He said, you couldn't cut it
as a member of One Direction.
381
00:17:52,955 --> 00:17:54,917
What? But they
have an opening.
382
00:17:54,941 --> 00:17:57,686
Zayn is gone.
He does know
Zayn is gone, right?
383
00:17:57,710 --> 00:17:59,226
Oh, he definitely knows.
384
00:17:59,295 --> 00:18:01,862
Yeah, he thinks you
could be in O-Town
but not One Direction.
385
00:18:01,931 --> 00:18:04,093
Okay, I'm pretty sure
you're manipulating me,
386
00:18:04,117 --> 00:18:06,477
but let's go blind
that old bastard.
387
00:18:14,343 --> 00:18:17,678
Listen,
Peter, we know you've been
working hard on the violin,
388
00:18:17,747 --> 00:18:20,465
but more importantly,
you're our pal.
389
00:18:20,533 --> 00:18:22,300
We'd like you to be
back in the group.
390
00:18:22,352 --> 00:18:24,819
Really? But what if
I'm not good enough?
391
00:18:24,887 --> 00:18:26,504
Well, that's the thing.
392
00:18:26,572 --> 00:18:29,718
We decided we'd
rather be lousy with you
than great without you.
393
00:18:29,742 --> 00:18:32,276
Joe, no offense,
but I'd prefer to hear it
from someone else.
394
00:18:32,345 --> 00:18:34,606
That's fair.
So what do you
say, Peter?
395
00:18:34,630 --> 00:18:36,558
Will you come and
play the wedding
with us?
396
00:18:36,582 --> 00:18:37,964
Oh, you bet I will.
397
00:18:38,033 --> 00:18:40,251
Thanks, you guys
won't regret this.
398
00:18:40,320 --> 00:18:41,952
And don't you worry,
I'll be ready,
399
00:18:42,021 --> 00:18:45,123
unlike Lois getting
dressed for a night out.
400
00:18:45,191 --> 00:18:46,690
Tell them the truth.
401
00:18:46,759 --> 00:18:48,175
It's me. It's me.
402
00:18:48,243 --> 00:18:50,044
I'm the one who takes
too long to get ready.
403
00:18:50,112 --> 00:18:51,879
It's 'cause I don't
have any nice clothes.
404
00:18:51,948 --> 00:18:53,125
Peter!
All right.
405
00:18:53,149 --> 00:18:54,789
It's 'cause I don't
like the way I look.
406
00:19:01,190 --> 00:19:03,207
Okay, Brian.
Carter's in the shower.
407
00:19:03,276 --> 00:19:05,927
As soon as he comes out,
we spray this
right in his eyes.
408
00:19:06,012 --> 00:19:07,206
What did you put
in there, again?
409
00:19:07,230 --> 00:19:09,680
Oh, it's just tap
water from Flint, Michigan.
410
00:19:12,735 --> 00:19:15,536
♪ And that's how
the penis song goes... ♪
411
00:19:15,605 --> 00:19:18,138
Ah! Son of a bitch, my eyes!
412
00:19:18,207 --> 00:19:19,668
You're up.
Carter,
413
00:19:19,692 --> 00:19:21,654
what happened?
You look like you
could use some help.
414
00:19:21,678 --> 00:19:23,027
Argh! My face!
415
00:19:26,215 --> 00:19:27,247
Oh, my God.
416
00:19:28,267 --> 00:19:30,101
What did I let money do to me?
417
00:19:30,169 --> 00:19:32,681
Who did this?
Who are you?
Carter,
418
00:19:32,705 --> 00:19:35,206
it's me, Brian.
I did this.
419
00:19:35,274 --> 00:19:36,474
And it's made me realize
420
00:19:36,542 --> 00:19:39,410
that I was blinded
by luxury and comfort
421
00:19:39,462 --> 00:19:41,373
but now I see that none
of that matters. If I don't...
422
00:19:41,397 --> 00:19:42,846
Brian, Brian, hold on.
423
00:19:51,240 --> 00:19:54,175
Looks like
we've learned a lot,
and my face is better.
424
00:20:04,787 --> 00:20:06,370
God, I'm so nervous.
425
00:20:06,438 --> 00:20:08,116
You sure
you guys want me
to play with you?
426
00:20:08,140 --> 00:20:10,358
Yes, Peter, you play away.
427
00:20:10,426 --> 00:20:13,627
We're a quartet.
Just do the best you can.
428
00:20:13,696 --> 00:20:15,446
You may kiss the bride.
429
00:20:37,987 --> 00:20:39,220
Mmm.
430
00:20:39,288 --> 00:20:40,604
Peter, that was amazing.
431
00:20:40,673 --> 00:20:42,706
I know. Those
lessons really paid off.
432
00:20:42,775 --> 00:20:46,760
I'll say.
The way you play, we'll have
more gigs than we can handle.
433
00:20:46,829 --> 00:20:50,280
Not a chance.
Mr. Washee Washee took
all the joy out of this.
434
00:20:50,349 --> 00:20:53,033
I hate the violin.
I hate music. I hate life
435
00:20:53,102 --> 00:20:56,103
and I'm never doing this again.
436
00:20:56,172 --> 00:20:58,216
All right, guys,
let's go drink
a bunch of free booze
437
00:20:58,240 --> 00:21:00,574
and be a huge presence
in the wedding photos.
438
00:21:00,660 --> 00:21:02,459
♪ Oh, what a night
439
00:21:04,063 --> 00:21:08,499
♪ Late December back in '63
440
00:21:08,568 --> 00:21:13,120
♪ What a very special
time for me
441
00:21:13,189 --> 00:21:16,307
♪ As I remember what a night
442
00:21:19,161 --> 00:21:21,261
♪ Oh, what a night ♪
34045
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