Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated:
1
00:00:02,069 --> 00:00:04,769
♪ It seems today
that all you see
2
00:00:04,838 --> 00:00:08,240
♪ Is violence in movies
and sex on TV
3
00:00:08,309 --> 00:00:11,643
♪ But where are those
good old-fashioned values
4
00:00:11,712 --> 00:00:14,880
♪ On which we used to rely?
5
00:00:14,948 --> 00:00:18,217
♪ Lucky there's a family guy
6
00:00:18,285 --> 00:00:21,352
♪ Lucky there's a man who
positively can do
7
00:00:21,421 --> 00:00:23,021
♪ All the things that make us
8
00:00:23,090 --> 00:00:24,956
♪ Laugh and cry
9
00:00:25,026 --> 00:00:29,928
♪ He's a family guy ♪
10
00:00:35,536 --> 00:00:37,013
Okay. I call.
What do you got?
11
00:00:37,037 --> 00:00:39,871
Boom.
Full house, jokers
over instruction cards.
12
00:00:39,940 --> 00:00:43,642
I do not enjoy
playing with you.
Everything's so silly.
13
00:00:43,710 --> 00:00:45,477
You guys,
you'll never guess what.
14
00:00:45,545 --> 00:00:48,947
Randy Jackson was
just a big sea turtle
in human clothes, we heard.
15
00:00:49,016 --> 00:00:51,516
No, we all just
booked a vacation together
16
00:00:51,585 --> 00:00:53,986
to a private resort
in the Bahamas.
17
00:00:54,054 --> 00:00:55,565
Well, that's a lot of my money,
18
00:00:55,589 --> 00:00:57,033
but I used to have sex with you,
19
00:00:57,057 --> 00:00:58,490
so that's the trade-off.
20
00:00:58,558 --> 00:01:00,658
Look, it's not as
expensive as it sounds.
21
00:01:00,727 --> 00:01:03,561
We found a great group rate
on a discount website.
22
00:01:03,630 --> 00:01:06,509
Wow, the Bahamas.
I can't wait to get
down there
23
00:01:06,533 --> 00:01:08,566
and dip my fingers in the water.
24
00:01:08,635 --> 00:01:10,813
Yeah, it'll be awesome
to nail a hotel masseuse
25
00:01:10,837 --> 00:01:14,017
and then watch NannyMcPhee in the room.
So, when do we leave?
26
00:01:14,041 --> 00:01:16,108
Oh. Sorry, Glenn.
27
00:01:16,176 --> 00:01:19,778
The deal was for couples only.
I'm afraid you can't come.
28
00:01:19,847 --> 00:01:22,114
All right, fine.
Since you'll all be gone,
29
00:01:22,182 --> 00:01:23,960
I'll just walk
around my yard naked,
30
00:01:23,984 --> 00:01:26,104
pee anywhere I want.
I don't care.
31
00:01:31,858 --> 00:01:34,304
I think it's great
that Peter and Lois
are getting away together.
32
00:01:34,328 --> 00:01:36,906
Yeah, I think Dad's
actually kind of
excited about it.
33
00:01:36,930 --> 00:01:39,742
Yes, very.
He even bought some
sort of language tapes,
34
00:01:39,766 --> 00:01:41,978
although I don't think
he's using them properly.
35
00:01:42,002 --> 00:01:43,846
I would like to
hear the specials.
36
00:01:46,039 --> 00:01:48,340
I would like to
hear the specials.
37
00:01:48,409 --> 00:01:49,986
Where is the Eiffel Tower?
38
00:01:51,612 --> 00:01:53,223
I would rather
hear the specials.
39
00:01:56,517 --> 00:01:58,528
I'm sorry I'm late.
I shoved an employee
40
00:01:58,552 --> 00:02:00,452
at Wendy's and
they called the cops.
41
00:02:00,521 --> 00:02:03,355
You gotta warn somebody
before you hand
him a square burger.
42
00:02:03,424 --> 00:02:05,935
Thanks again for
watching the kids
while we're gone, Daddy.
43
00:02:05,959 --> 00:02:07,704
Yeah, but how come
Babs couldn't come?
44
00:02:07,728 --> 00:02:10,962
Oh, she wanted to be here,
but she got hired
to be the stuffy old woman
45
00:02:11,031 --> 00:02:13,965
who slowly comes around
to it in a rap video.
46
00:02:14,034 --> 00:02:17,169
I'm so glad
the times are
not changing.
47
00:02:19,005 --> 00:02:21,117
♪ You a bitch and a ho
and a ho and a bitch ♪
48
00:02:21,141 --> 00:02:24,609
My garden party has been ruined.
49
00:02:24,678 --> 00:02:28,380
But I'm beginning
to tap my foot.
50
00:02:31,218 --> 00:02:33,751
All right, I know most of you
haven't traveled with me,
51
00:02:33,820 --> 00:02:35,665
but get ready to see
a lot of airport elevators
52
00:02:35,689 --> 00:02:37,422
you didn't know existed.
53
00:02:37,491 --> 00:02:40,736
Hey, guys. Say, Lois,
I know you said this
trip was couples only,
54
00:02:40,760 --> 00:02:42,672
but great news.
We're now a couple!
55
00:02:42,696 --> 00:02:44,596
Oh. Who's this?
56
00:02:44,664 --> 00:02:47,377
This is Kimmie.
I met her in a pop-up
window on the internet.
57
00:02:47,401 --> 00:02:48,667
She was in my area.
58
00:02:48,735 --> 00:02:50,146
Hi. Peter Griffin,
all but separated.
59
00:02:50,170 --> 00:02:51,469
Oh, right on.
60
00:02:51,538 --> 00:02:53,983
All right. Well,
I suppose I could
look into
61
00:02:54,007 --> 00:02:55,918
adding you two to
the reservation.
62
00:02:55,942 --> 00:02:57,642
Yeah, you guys
should definitely come.
63
00:02:57,711 --> 00:02:59,344
Yeah, this is gonna be awesome.
64
00:02:59,413 --> 00:03:02,146
Relax, Peter. I haven't
seen you this excited
65
00:03:02,216 --> 00:03:05,817
since you got that letter
sent by carrier owl.
66
00:03:05,886 --> 00:03:08,398
Oh, my God.
Is this my acceptance
to Hogwarts?
67
00:03:08,422 --> 00:03:11,856
No. It's a letter
asking you to stop
throwing rocks at my nest.
68
00:03:11,925 --> 00:03:14,426
You hit one of my kids,
and now he can't fly right.
69
00:03:14,495 --> 00:03:17,507
Well, fine.
Then I'll just throw
rocks at the hornets.
70
00:03:19,699 --> 00:03:22,000
He told me to do it!
71
00:03:27,040 --> 00:03:29,107
And thus began
the Thousand Year War
72
00:03:29,175 --> 00:03:31,410
between the avians
and the insects.
73
00:03:31,478 --> 00:03:34,045
It was a brutal war.
It was a bitter war.
74
00:03:34,114 --> 00:03:37,749
And most importantly,it was a visuallyspectacular war.
75
00:03:37,817 --> 00:03:38,883
Attack!
76
00:03:40,353 --> 00:03:41,386
Charge!
77
00:03:45,626 --> 00:03:48,404
Sorry. I'm beingtold this would be veryexpensive to animate.
78
00:03:48,428 --> 00:03:50,362
So instead,
here's some stock footage
79
00:03:50,430 --> 00:03:52,341
of an old plane
trying to take off.
80
00:03:55,835 --> 00:03:58,537
They didn't have enough wings.
81
00:04:15,956 --> 00:04:18,390
Oh, my God.
This place is gorgeous!
82
00:04:18,459 --> 00:04:21,693
Yeah, I can't wait to
puke up a club sandwich
in the pool.
83
00:04:21,761 --> 00:04:24,073
Hello, couples.
My name is Noel,
84
00:04:24,097 --> 00:04:26,177
and welcome to
Pleasant Surroundings.
85
00:04:30,337 --> 00:04:32,048
Something about
black people wearing
86
00:04:32,072 --> 00:04:35,874
all white clothes.
It's very peaceful.
87
00:04:35,942 --> 00:04:38,910
We have
a special beach barbecue
planned for you tonight,
88
00:04:38,979 --> 00:04:41,925
but in the meantime,
please enjoy
all our amenities.
89
00:04:41,949 --> 00:04:43,514
We will.
90
00:04:43,583 --> 00:04:45,694
Come on, girls,
let's go wear big, floppy
sun hats in the pool
91
00:04:45,718 --> 00:04:47,630
and then be mad
when they get wet.
92
00:04:47,654 --> 00:04:49,499
Yeah. I'm gonna hit
the pool soon, myself.
93
00:04:49,523 --> 00:04:52,257
Gotta let the lifeguard know
he better keep an eye on me.
94
00:04:57,397 --> 00:04:59,564
I'm here a whole week, pal.
95
00:05:04,704 --> 00:05:08,224
Hey, Brian,
check it out,
hotornot.com.
96
00:05:08,441 --> 00:05:10,153
- 10.
- One.
97
00:05:10,177 --> 00:05:11,876
- 10.
- One.
98
00:05:11,945 --> 00:05:13,456
- Five.
- Five.
99
00:05:13,480 --> 00:05:16,181
Hey,
I just made black coffee
in an old tin pan.
100
00:05:16,249 --> 00:05:18,883
Who wants some?
No one?
101
00:05:18,952 --> 00:05:22,687
What's wrong with you people?
Dick Fosbury won
an Olympics on this.
102
00:05:22,756 --> 00:05:24,300
Well, say, this is pretty neat.
103
00:05:24,324 --> 00:05:27,370
I brought you kids
an old seed packet
I found in my garage.
104
00:05:27,394 --> 00:05:29,171
I know what you got
your fingers crossed for
105
00:05:29,195 --> 00:05:30,895
and yes, they're persimmons.
106
00:05:33,033 --> 00:05:34,732
All right, that's it!
107
00:05:34,801 --> 00:05:37,569
Damn it.
I tried two things
that all kids love,
108
00:05:37,637 --> 00:05:39,371
coffee and old seed packets.
109
00:05:39,439 --> 00:05:42,306
And all any of you
can do is stare at
those Game Boy machines!
110
00:05:42,376 --> 00:05:46,478
I'm sick of it! In fact,
for the rest of the week,
no more screens.
111
00:05:46,547 --> 00:05:47,747
I'm locking those things up.
112
00:05:47,781 --> 00:05:48,958
Wait, you what?
113
00:05:48,982 --> 00:05:50,326
Oh, come on, what the hell?
114
00:05:50,350 --> 00:05:51,583
Oh, but what...
115
00:05:51,652 --> 00:05:53,262
That's right,
I'm gonna show you kids
116
00:05:53,286 --> 00:05:54,831
how to have fun
the old-fashioned way,
117
00:05:54,855 --> 00:05:56,299
like I did when I was a kid.
118
00:05:56,323 --> 00:05:58,322
But I can't live
without my laptop.
119
00:05:58,392 --> 00:06:00,069
How else am I
supposed to get
my degree
120
00:06:00,093 --> 00:06:01,893
from the University of Phoenix?
121
00:06:01,962 --> 00:06:07,065
Credit card information.
And submit. And I'm a lawyer.
122
00:06:07,134 --> 00:06:10,902
We find the defendant
guilty of murder.
Sorry.
123
00:06:17,577 --> 00:06:19,210
Oh, hey, you guys.
124
00:06:19,279 --> 00:06:21,590
Uh, Quagmire,
I don't think you can go
to dinner in your swimsuit.
125
00:06:21,614 --> 00:06:22,992
And what the hell
happened to you?
126
00:06:23,016 --> 00:06:25,050
Oh, Kimmie and I fell
asleep on the beach.
127
00:06:25,118 --> 00:06:27,130
Yeah, I think you better change.
128
00:06:27,154 --> 00:06:29,274
Okay, we'll be down in a minute.
129
00:06:30,924 --> 00:06:33,435
Welcome, everyone.
I hope you enjoyed
your afternoon,
130
00:06:33,459 --> 00:06:35,627
but now it's
time to get to work.
131
00:06:35,695 --> 00:06:37,629
On the rippin' and the tearin'?
132
00:06:37,697 --> 00:06:41,299
Even better.
We're going to work
on your relationships.
133
00:06:41,368 --> 00:06:43,379
After all,
this isn't just
a vacation,
134
00:06:43,403 --> 00:06:45,670
it's a couples
counseling retreat.
135
00:06:45,738 --> 00:06:47,205
Oh, what the hell?
136
00:06:47,274 --> 00:06:50,976
Sorry, Peter.
We had to trick you guys
or you wouldn't have come.
137
00:06:51,044 --> 00:06:53,411
No. You can't make me.
I'll get hit with a coconut,
138
00:06:53,480 --> 00:06:55,313
so I lose my memory of this.
139
00:06:57,251 --> 00:07:00,852
I remember everything!
I was abused by my dad!
140
00:07:07,827 --> 00:07:09,860
Lois, I can't believe
you tricked us into
141
00:07:09,929 --> 00:07:11,896
coming on a couples
counseling retreat.
142
00:07:11,964 --> 00:07:13,631
I do not like being lied to!
143
00:07:13,700 --> 00:07:16,860
Me neither. I mean,
wives conspiring
against their husbands.
144
00:07:16,903 --> 00:07:19,103
What's next, huh?
Freakin' Cheney
145
00:07:19,172 --> 00:07:21,306
back in the White House?
146
00:07:21,374 --> 00:07:23,208
Hmm, that didn't link up.
147
00:07:23,276 --> 00:07:25,321
Trust me, you won't regret this.
148
00:07:25,345 --> 00:07:28,713
I'll see you
all in the morning
for our first session.
149
00:07:28,782 --> 00:07:30,549
Sheesh, couples counseling?
150
00:07:30,617 --> 00:07:33,251
This is the worst thing that's
ever happened to anyone.
151
00:07:34,454 --> 00:07:36,988
Wives, huh? He gets it.
152
00:07:41,728 --> 00:07:45,497
Hey there, buckaroos!
Who's ready for
some old-timey fun?
153
00:07:45,566 --> 00:07:48,711
I thought we could go down
to the old swimmin' hole
and swim in a hole.
154
00:07:48,735 --> 00:07:50,447
Ugh.
That sounds lame.
155
00:07:50,471 --> 00:07:53,104
Whose hole is it?
I'm potentially in.
156
00:07:53,173 --> 00:07:55,473
Grandpa, can I just have
my video games back?
157
00:07:55,542 --> 00:07:57,275
I want to play Call of Duty.
158
00:07:57,344 --> 00:08:00,323
Oh, I've got the
original Call of Duty
right here.
159
00:08:00,347 --> 00:08:02,013
It's called jacks.
160
00:08:03,683 --> 00:08:06,884
Got one! Will I get two?
Come get in on this.
161
00:08:06,953 --> 00:08:09,421
Wait, this game is
cleaning up toys?
162
00:08:09,490 --> 00:08:11,434
Carter, read the room.
They're not into it.
163
00:08:11,458 --> 00:08:12,924
All right, fair enough.
164
00:08:12,993 --> 00:08:15,972
I just don't want you kids
sitting around here,
glued to your screens.
165
00:08:15,996 --> 00:08:18,797
So let's get the blood pumping
with my Jack LaLanne record.
166
00:08:22,936 --> 00:08:26,471
Bend to the left.
Bend to the right.
167
00:08:26,540 --> 00:08:29,774
Get the big spring.
Stretch the big spring.
168
00:08:29,843 --> 00:08:33,211
Stop to smoke.
Get a big towel.
169
00:08:33,280 --> 00:08:36,848
Put it behind your neck.
Tuck it in your shirt.
170
00:08:36,916 --> 00:08:40,285
Looks like boobs.
Put on a wig.
171
00:08:40,354 --> 00:08:43,821
Dance with a man.
Don't tell your wife.
172
00:08:43,890 --> 00:08:46,090
Take it to your grave.
173
00:08:47,694 --> 00:08:50,614
Okay, good workout.
I gotta go call somebody
and hang up.
174
00:08:55,468 --> 00:08:58,904
All right.
Our first counseling exercise
will be speaking to each other
175
00:08:58,972 --> 00:09:02,440
with "I feel" statements.
Lois, please begin.
176
00:09:03,977 --> 00:09:08,246
I feel unappreciated,
like you don't want
to spend time with me.
177
00:09:08,315 --> 00:09:11,850
Okay. I feel a numbness
radiating down my left arm.
178
00:09:11,918 --> 00:09:15,198
I feel like you
should help out more
around the house.
179
00:09:15,222 --> 00:09:19,824
I feel like salty and sweet.
You got white chocolate
french fries?
180
00:09:19,892 --> 00:09:21,771
I feel like my cervix hurts.
181
00:09:21,795 --> 00:09:23,394
I feel pride.
182
00:09:26,165 --> 00:09:31,035
Okay. For our next exercise,
let's play The Oldlywed Game.
183
00:09:31,104 --> 00:09:33,004
Relax,
it's just a questionnaire.
184
00:09:34,741 --> 00:09:37,943
Really?
Whatever.
I like liking things.
185
00:09:38,011 --> 00:09:40,145
Peter, when is Lois's birthday?
186
00:09:40,213 --> 00:09:42,180
Uh, let's see.
When is Hitler's birthday?
187
00:09:42,249 --> 00:09:43,381
April 20th.
188
00:09:43,450 --> 00:09:46,150
Wow. Okay, Noel.
Yikes.
189
00:09:46,219 --> 00:09:48,386
Joe, what is
Bonnie's favorite food?
190
00:09:48,455 --> 00:09:50,199
Well, she must like
ground glass,
191
00:09:50,223 --> 00:09:51,968
because I keep
finding it in my food.
192
00:09:51,992 --> 00:09:53,636
Cleveland.
Pass.
193
00:09:53,660 --> 00:09:56,094
Quagmire, what color
are Kimmie's eyes?
194
00:09:56,162 --> 00:09:59,230
Shaved.
Sorry, what... What is it?
What's the question?
195
00:10:04,604 --> 00:10:07,416
Okay. Last night
I did some personality
assessments
196
00:10:07,440 --> 00:10:09,085
based on yesterday's session,
197
00:10:09,109 --> 00:10:10,953
and what I found was
none of you couples
198
00:10:10,977 --> 00:10:13,644
are compatible with
each other at all.
199
00:10:16,749 --> 00:10:18,761
No, no, no, that's
not a good thing.
200
00:10:18,785 --> 00:10:20,986
But, interestingly,
you have high compatibility
201
00:10:21,054 --> 00:10:22,732
with other people in this group.
202
00:10:22,756 --> 00:10:24,589
Oh, my God. That is crazy!
203
00:10:24,657 --> 00:10:26,535
More mac and cheese.
Here, just keep it going.
204
00:10:26,559 --> 00:10:28,204
Keep it going.
Don't be afraid of
the burned edges.
205
00:10:28,228 --> 00:10:30,228
Just give me the tray.
Wait, so what happened?
206
00:10:30,297 --> 00:10:32,274
Anyway, I'd like
to do an exercise.
207
00:10:32,298 --> 00:10:34,077
Just for the morning,
you'll all be paired
208
00:10:34,101 --> 00:10:35,812
with your more compatible match.
209
00:10:35,836 --> 00:10:38,614
And hopefully,
you'll bring some lessons
back from that experience,
210
00:10:38,638 --> 00:10:40,104
into your marriages.
211
00:10:40,173 --> 00:10:43,074
Okay. So the new couple
pairings are as follows.
212
00:10:43,143 --> 00:10:44,475
Cleveland and Lois.
213
00:10:44,544 --> 00:10:48,012
Oh, cool!
My FICO score just
went up 100 points.
214
00:10:48,081 --> 00:10:52,684
Quagmire and Bonnie.
Joe and Donna.
And Peter and Kimmie.
215
00:10:52,752 --> 00:10:55,253
Yay! I win couples counseling!
216
00:11:01,395 --> 00:11:04,929
Look at those hairless shins.
They're magnificent.
217
00:11:04,998 --> 00:11:06,942
Decades of black
dress socks have
218
00:11:06,966 --> 00:11:08,944
rendered them
smooth and mirror-like.
219
00:11:08,968 --> 00:11:11,213
Grandpa, what are we
even doing out here?
220
00:11:11,237 --> 00:11:13,137
Looking for
shapes in the clouds.
221
00:11:13,205 --> 00:11:16,106
That one looks like the
Thompson Throat Lozenge girl.
See?
222
00:11:16,175 --> 00:11:17,775
She's got the boater on
and everything!
223
00:11:17,811 --> 00:11:20,244
I'm bored.
Can't we do something else?
224
00:11:20,313 --> 00:11:22,046
Well, back when I was your age,
225
00:11:22,114 --> 00:11:23,826
there was nothing better
than knocking on doors
226
00:11:23,850 --> 00:11:26,517
and throwing paper bags
full of flour at people.
227
00:11:26,586 --> 00:11:27,652
That's a thing?
228
00:11:27,720 --> 00:11:29,921
What, flour facin'?
It's the best thing!
229
00:11:29,989 --> 00:11:33,390
We used it to keep Italians
from going to the polls.
230
00:11:37,330 --> 00:11:38,662
Stay home today, Guido!
231
00:11:40,567 --> 00:11:43,868
Yay! Old-fashioned
things are the best!
232
00:11:48,875 --> 00:11:53,878
♪ Every girl wants you
to be her man
233
00:11:53,947 --> 00:11:58,716
♪ But I'll wait, my dear,
till it's my turn
234
00:11:58,785 --> 00:12:05,924
♪ I'm not the kind of girl
who gives up just like that
235
00:12:05,992 --> 00:12:08,592
♪ Oh, no
236
00:12:08,661 --> 00:12:13,564
♪ The tide is high
but I'm holding on
237
00:12:13,633 --> 00:12:18,469
♪ I'm gonna be your number one
238
00:12:18,538 --> 00:12:23,641
♪ Number one
239
00:12:23,710 --> 00:12:27,912
♪ Number one ♪
240
00:12:30,583 --> 00:12:32,050
So, this is the second vacation
241
00:12:32,118 --> 00:12:34,218
that I've watched
every Jurassic Park.
242
00:12:34,287 --> 00:12:36,988
Peter, you're awesome.
You're so funny.
243
00:12:37,057 --> 00:12:38,957
Hey, Kimmie, I'll pay you $1,000
244
00:12:39,025 --> 00:12:40,891
for one whole
handful of your butt.
245
00:12:40,961 --> 00:12:42,660
For two handfuls,
I'll give you my car.
246
00:12:42,728 --> 00:12:45,696
All right, that's enough!
I have had it, Peter!
247
00:12:45,765 --> 00:12:47,631
So, how are the new
pairings working out?
248
00:12:47,700 --> 00:12:49,467
Are you all gaining
lots of insights?
249
00:12:49,535 --> 00:12:53,204
No! I can see now
that coming here
was a huge mistake!
250
00:12:53,273 --> 00:12:55,206
You're hopeless, Peter!
251
00:12:55,275 --> 00:12:56,774
Your feet look old.
252
00:12:56,843 --> 00:13:01,045
This retreat is over!
Fire up the boat.
We're going home!
253
00:13:04,284 --> 00:13:05,482
Mrs. Griffin, please.
254
00:13:05,551 --> 00:13:07,296
I urge you to
finish the program.
255
00:13:07,320 --> 00:13:11,456
No, thank you.
I never should've come here.
Or, at least, not with him.
256
00:13:11,525 --> 00:13:13,045
Is there anything
I can do to change...
257
00:13:19,732 --> 00:13:21,065
Oh, my God!
258
00:13:21,133 --> 00:13:23,045
We're taking this island back.
259
00:13:23,069 --> 00:13:26,070
Yeah! Kill the whites!
Race war!
260
00:13:27,707 --> 00:13:30,007
Run! Everybody run!
261
00:13:40,586 --> 00:13:42,264
What the hell is happening?
262
00:13:42,288 --> 00:13:43,854
Somebody do something!
263
00:13:46,393 --> 00:13:49,460
Look! We gotta get
the attention of that plane!
264
00:13:59,706 --> 00:14:01,272
You gotta help us!
265
00:14:07,447 --> 00:14:11,182
Man, those natives
are pissed. This is like
a full-blown revolution!
266
00:14:11,251 --> 00:14:13,062
Do you think me
throwing full sodas
267
00:14:13,086 --> 00:14:14,886
into the garbage had
anything to do with this?
268
00:14:17,990 --> 00:14:19,891
Quick! Into the jungle!
269
00:14:25,465 --> 00:14:26,898
What are we gonna do?
270
00:14:26,966 --> 00:14:29,100
Wait a minute. Yesterday,
near the north beach,
271
00:14:29,168 --> 00:14:31,102
I saw a small
landing strip, giggity.
272
00:14:31,170 --> 00:14:34,038
It might be our
best chance to get off,
giggity, the island.
273
00:14:34,107 --> 00:14:37,641
Did you really see that,
or was it just an excuse
to say "giggity"?
274
00:14:37,710 --> 00:14:40,712
I don't know, baby.
I'm crazy with the heat.
Take your pants off.
275
00:14:40,780 --> 00:14:44,415
Oh, my God,
this is legit ridic.
I gotta post this.
276
00:14:44,484 --> 00:14:48,119
Josh Radnor's
Twitter feed is so funny!
277
00:14:48,187 --> 00:14:49,720
That's impossible.
278
00:14:49,789 --> 00:14:51,488
Coming here was a bad idea.
279
00:14:51,558 --> 00:14:54,370
Like when I brought
museum behavior into
my home.
280
00:15:01,368 --> 00:15:04,408
Excuse me.
We do ask that you
don't touch anything.
281
00:15:11,510 --> 00:15:13,722
I gotta say, Carter,
you've done a good job.
282
00:15:13,746 --> 00:15:15,891
We'd become slaves
to our electronics.
283
00:15:15,915 --> 00:15:19,283
But you know what
we're doing here?
We're reclaiming our lives.
284
00:15:19,351 --> 00:15:21,191
You're kind of an egghead,
aren't you, Brian?
285
00:15:21,254 --> 00:15:24,622
Everyone on this plane
is wearing a suit.
286
00:15:24,690 --> 00:15:27,925
Say, that reminds me.
Everyone, time to dress
for dinner.
287
00:15:27,994 --> 00:15:30,238
Ooh, I want to light
the candles, Pop-Pop!
288
00:15:30,262 --> 00:15:32,174
Oh, boy. I haven't had
this much fun
289
00:15:32,198 --> 00:15:34,398
since I played
with that Buble wrap.
290
00:15:34,467 --> 00:15:36,478
♪ I just haven't
met you yet
291
00:15:38,538 --> 00:15:40,071
Oh, cool!
292
00:15:40,140 --> 00:15:41,951
♪ Your mom thinks of me
293
00:15:41,975 --> 00:15:43,407
♪ When she's doing your dad ♪
294
00:15:43,476 --> 00:15:44,542
What?
295
00:15:44,610 --> 00:15:47,645
♪ Seriously,
I drive older women nuts
296
00:15:47,714 --> 00:15:51,049
♪ I can make your
mom and aunt kiss ♪
297
00:15:51,117 --> 00:15:53,751
This is a very
skeevy packing product.
298
00:15:57,723 --> 00:15:59,323
Oh, my God. This is bad.
299
00:15:59,392 --> 00:16:02,660
I know. If we die,
what's gonna happen
to my mail?
300
00:16:02,728 --> 00:16:04,173
What?
I'm just saying,
301
00:16:04,197 --> 00:16:06,308
how's the post office
supposed to know?
302
00:16:06,332 --> 00:16:08,732
And my DVR!
It'll be full in a week!
303
00:16:08,801 --> 00:16:12,803
I record Ellen every day!
I know I shouldn't,
but whenever she dances,
304
00:16:12,872 --> 00:16:16,307
I'm like, "Go ahead,
girl, it's your world!"
305
00:16:16,376 --> 00:16:18,421
I heard she gay.
306
00:16:18,445 --> 00:16:21,145
Well, it seems like
we're pretty talked out.
307
00:16:23,416 --> 00:16:26,584
Thanks for changing your mind
about drowning me
in that river.
308
00:16:31,624 --> 00:16:35,193
Hey. Did you see
those pictures of me
doing duck lips by a pool?
309
00:16:35,261 --> 00:16:37,361
I don't know, some island.
310
00:16:37,430 --> 00:16:39,197
Shh.
311
00:16:40,700 --> 00:16:42,600
You rebel scum!
312
00:16:44,136 --> 00:16:46,303
Ah, you're too young.
You don't know.
313
00:16:52,445 --> 00:16:54,256
So, how did you guys
get captured?
314
00:16:54,280 --> 00:16:57,381
Quagmire screams
when he urinates.
How about you?
315
00:16:57,450 --> 00:17:00,351
Cleveland kept stopping
to scratch his back on trees.
316
00:17:00,420 --> 00:17:02,052
Lois don't do it right.
317
00:17:02,121 --> 00:17:05,401
Come here, baby.
You need them
Lee Press-Ons.
318
00:17:05,425 --> 00:17:08,292
Mmm. There it is. Mmm.
319
00:17:11,397 --> 00:17:14,176
Oh, Peter!
I was so worried
about you.
320
00:17:14,200 --> 00:17:16,434
Lois, when we
got captured, I said,
321
00:17:16,502 --> 00:17:18,703
"You rebel scum,"
and Kimmie didn't get it.
322
00:17:18,771 --> 00:17:21,872
That's funny!
From the Star Wars!
323
00:17:21,941 --> 00:17:25,509
Well, just Star Wars.
But I missed you, sweetheart!
324
00:17:25,578 --> 00:17:27,477
Why are you doing this?
Let us go!
325
00:17:27,546 --> 00:17:30,514
Every year we have to deal
with you American tourists!
326
00:17:30,583 --> 00:17:34,085
Stuffing your slob faces,
taking video
you'll never watch,
327
00:17:34,153 --> 00:17:38,756
and asking if I'm
the Captain Phillips guy.
I'm not!
328
00:17:38,824 --> 00:17:42,093
Take the couples out,
two by two,
and execute them.
329
00:17:45,732 --> 00:17:47,798
Oh, my God!
330
00:17:47,867 --> 00:17:51,369
Well, at least
I ain't going out
with a itchy back.
331
00:17:55,041 --> 00:17:56,807
Oh, no! This is terrible!
332
00:17:56,876 --> 00:18:00,811
Now, now.
Maybe they just
shot Donna twice.
333
00:18:00,880 --> 00:18:04,448
Bonnie, quick, lock
my wheels! We don't have to
make it easy for them!
334
00:18:09,388 --> 00:18:10,828
Scuffing up those
floors pretty good!
335
00:18:15,161 --> 00:18:17,261
Boy, they're
really going at Donna.
336
00:18:19,498 --> 00:18:20,932
Any last words?
337
00:18:21,000 --> 00:18:22,366
Moist.
338
00:18:27,006 --> 00:18:31,108
Oh,
Peter, I'm so sorry I lied
to get you to come here.
339
00:18:31,177 --> 00:18:34,678
I should've been
honest with you.
Please forgive me?
340
00:18:34,747 --> 00:18:36,825
I do, Lois.
I know you were
just trying
341
00:18:36,849 --> 00:18:38,815
to do something
good for our marriage.
342
00:18:38,884 --> 00:18:42,053
And I'm sorry
I've been such
a jerk about it.
343
00:18:42,121 --> 00:18:44,621
I need you, Lois.
I always will.
344
00:18:44,690 --> 00:18:47,136
And if I gotta get
shot by ooga-booga
people,
345
00:18:47,160 --> 00:18:49,000
I want it to happen with you.
346
00:18:49,028 --> 00:18:50,661
Oh, Peter.
347
00:18:56,568 --> 00:18:58,635
I love you so much, Lois.
348
00:18:58,704 --> 00:19:00,705
I love you, too, Peter.
349
00:19:00,773 --> 00:19:03,106
Lois, I think you should know,
350
00:19:03,175 --> 00:19:05,443
I never cared for
your most recent haircut.
351
00:19:05,511 --> 00:19:08,223
Peter, I've had
the same haircut
for 20 years.
352
00:19:08,247 --> 00:19:09,247
We're ready now.
353
00:19:16,889 --> 00:19:19,189
Congratulations,
Griffins. You did it!
354
00:19:19,258 --> 00:19:21,559
You've successfully
completed the program.
355
00:19:21,627 --> 00:19:22,704
What?
What?
356
00:19:24,630 --> 00:19:27,532
We just found out, too!
The whole thing was staged.
357
00:19:27,600 --> 00:19:29,967
Noel dying,
the uprising, all of it.
358
00:19:30,036 --> 00:19:32,769
Oh, that's what they meant
on their website.
359
00:19:32,839 --> 00:19:37,541
"Staged Revolution
Marital Counseling."
It all makes sense.
360
00:19:39,912 --> 00:19:41,824
Yes, sorry to deceive you all,
361
00:19:41,848 --> 00:19:45,093
but we find that when
couples don't respond to
traditional counseling,
362
00:19:45,117 --> 00:19:47,184
the stress of
extreme danger reminds
363
00:19:47,253 --> 00:19:49,331
them of what matters
most in their lives,
364
00:19:49,355 --> 00:19:51,655
their love for each other.
365
00:19:51,724 --> 00:19:54,791
I feel like I should be mad,
but I guess you're right.
366
00:19:54,861 --> 00:19:58,428
Lois and I have
never felt closer.
And I did get to kill a guy.
367
00:19:58,497 --> 00:20:01,097
What?
Thanks for everything, Noel.
368
00:20:05,804 --> 00:20:09,573
Well, kids, it's Dyngus Day.
Here are your
pussy willow branches.
369
00:20:09,642 --> 00:20:11,375
Find your sweetie
and give her a tap.
370
00:20:12,378 --> 00:20:14,498
Looks like I found my sweetie.
371
00:20:14,546 --> 00:20:18,649
Oh, sarsaparilla!
I was going to take sister!
372
00:20:18,717 --> 00:20:21,652
Hey, you little rats.
All right, Lois.
Let's just leave our bags here
373
00:20:21,721 --> 00:20:24,199
and wonder where
our clothes are
for the next two days.
374
00:20:24,223 --> 00:20:27,358
How was your trip, Father?
We've prepared a song for you.
375
00:20:27,426 --> 00:20:28,492
Nope.
376
00:20:28,561 --> 00:20:30,827
Oh. Boy, it's nice
to be home.
377
00:20:30,896 --> 00:20:33,497
Sure is, Lois.
Now, shush. TV.
378
00:20:33,566 --> 00:20:35,732
Television? How pathetic.
379
00:20:35,801 --> 00:20:41,305
Yeah. You know where
the most interesting stuff
is, Dad? The human hat.
380
00:20:41,374 --> 00:20:43,474
- We now return to
- Police Chases...
381
00:20:43,543 --> 00:20:46,910
No, thank you.
We are a screen-free family.
382
00:20:46,979 --> 00:20:48,379
That End in Fire.
383
00:20:48,414 --> 00:20:50,448
Holy shit! That's awesome!
384
00:20:55,187 --> 00:20:58,255
Nobody look at him,
and maybe he'll just leave.
385
00:21:00,693 --> 00:21:01,825
Good job, people.
30936
Can't find what you're looking for?
Get subtitles in any language from opensubtitles.com, and translate them here.
Afrikaans
Akan
Albanian
Amharic
Armenian
Azerbaijani
Basque
Belarusian
Bemba
Bengali
Bihari
Bosnian
Breton
Bulgarian
Cambodian
Catalan
Cebuano
Cherokee
Chichewa
Chinese (Simplified)
Chinese (Traditional)
Corsican
Croatian
Czech
Danish
Dutch
English
Esperanto
Estonian
Faroese
Finnish
Galician
Georgian
German
Greek
Guarani
Haitian Creole
Hausa
Hawaiian
Hebrew
Hmong
Hungarian
Icelandic
Indonesian
Irish
Italian
Japanese
Kazakh
Kinyarwanda
Kirundi
Kongo
Korean
Krio (Sierra Leone)
Kurdish
Kyrgyz
Laothian
Latin
Latvian
Lithuanian
Luganda
Luo
Luxembourgish
Macedonian
Malagasy
Malay
Maltese
Maori
Mauritian Creole
Moldavian
Mongolian
Myanmar (Burmese)
Montenegrin
Nepali
Norwegian
Pashto
Persian
Polish
Portuguese (Brazil)
Portuguese (Portugal)
Quechua
Romanian
Romansh
Russian
Samoan
Scots Gaelic
Serbian
Sesotho
Setswana
Seychellois Creole
Shona
Sindhi
Sinhalese
Slovak
Slovenian
Somali
Spanish (Latin American)
Swedish
Tajik
Thai
Tigrinya
Tonga
Turkish
Turkmen
Ukrainian
Uzbek
Vietnamese
Welsh
Wolof