All language subtitles for Family Guy - S13E01 - The Simpsons Guy (Uncensored)

♪ It seems today
that all you see

♪ Is violence in movies
and sex on TV

♪ But where are those
good old-fashioned values

♪ On which we used to rely?

♪ Lucky there's a family guy

♪ Lucky there's a man who
positively can do

♪ All the things
that make us

♪ Laugh and cry

♪ He's a family guy ♪

We now return
to the All in the Family

and Modern Family
crossover episode.

Hello, Mr. Bunker.
We brought some hummus.

Oh, yeah,
I knew them two
was hummus

the minute they
walked in the door.

Yay! A crossover always
brings out the best
in each show!

It certainly doesn't
smack of desperation.

The priorities
are always creative,

and not driven
by marketing or...

Okay, that's enough.

Oh, my God!
What is it, Peter?

Look at this.
Dennis the Menace
is just shoveling snow.

He's being helpful.

Might as well just
call it Dennis now.
He's not a menace.

Not every strip is
gonna be hilarious.

You know something?
I could do better
than these idiots.

I should just go
down to the paper
and sell them my own.

Well, Peter,
you might be underestimating

the difficulty of
writing a comic strip.

As someone who occasionally
dates the creative muse,

I can vouch for
the unforgiving face
of a blank sheet of paper.

In fact, I think it was
William Faulkner who said...

I'm back.
I'm published.
Check it out.

I call my comic For Pete's Sake,

because it points out things
that make you shake
your head and say,

"For Pete's sake."

This one's for tomorrow.

These are good, Peter.

I like how you
retell tired old gags

with a detached,
ironic approach.

Yeah, plus,
it's all brand-new jokes

that I'm really,
really serious about.

Well, good for you, Peter,
but how did you get
published so quickly?

Ah, the editor of
the paper owed me a favor.

I got him
a picture of Spider-Man.

Why can't anyone get me
a picture of the Spider-Man?

Here you go.

Yeah, I got a whole subreddit
of superhero thong shots.

Here's your beer, Peter.

Thanks, Jerome.
What do I owe you?

No, you already
paid me, in laughs.

I do a lot of island ones.

Peter, you should do one
where a baseball player
can't steal second,

'cause he's on probation.

For drug crimes.

Political.

Yeah, you put
an island in there,
you're in business.

Hey, how about one
where you draw a sock,
and it says "Sock it to me,"

or-or maybe draw
Lois taking
a hot-tub dump,

and she just says whatever?

Peter, your comic in
this morning's paper
is really offensive.

That's not funny, Peter.

Ah, you're just
not getting it, Lois.

See, his wife
washed dishes for him.

Oh, for Pete's sake.

Aha! There you go.

Peter, you should see this.

Your dishwasher cartoon
has really outraged
the online community.

What?

Gosh, it's not like
the Internet to go crazy

about something
small and stupid.

Peter, you have to apologize.

What, because of a joke?

Not just a joke,
Peter. A joke that
angered some bloggers.

Well, I guess this ain't

the first time I got in trouble

for something I
said about a woman.

Oh, good.
We can steal.

And welcome back to The Flow.

We're talking to Peter Griffin,

the artist behind
For Pete's Sake,

which has caused outrage
with a misogynistic comic.

Here's a video of some outrage.

Yeah, those boos
don't hurt so much

'cause you spent two
minutes of the last segment

applauding a red velvet cake.

And if that's not bad enough,
this morning's cartoon
is even worse.

Let's put that up.

Mr. Griffin,
do you really think this
is an appropriate cartoon

to run on Gloria
Steinem's half-birthday?

You sound angry.
Did one of your
friends get engaged?

You have no idea
how offensive you are
to women, do you?

What? I love women.

I bet I can name more
porn stars than you.

But don't tell my wife
how many porn stars I know.

I'll get in a lot of trouble.

I know all of them, though.

There are people
who just started an hour ago,
and I know them.

Your cartoon is sexist!

Down with misogyny!

It wasn't even funny,
and I have a great
sense of humor.

Man, they seem really upset.

I was just trying
to make people laugh.

Dad, I'm worried
they're gonna hurt us.

No, no, they're angry,
Chris, but they ain't
gonna get violent.

Oh, cool!
That brick I ordered.

Wait a minute.
I didn't order this brick.
You may be right, Chris.

Peter, this is
getting out of hand.

I don't feel safe
in my own home.

Maybe we should
get out of Quahog
for a while.

You know, she's right.

We should get out of town
till this all blows over.

Okay, we'll go,
but just give me a minute.

I just want to turn in
my last For Pete's Sake.

I'm like Michael Jordan,

going out on top amid
a flurry of gambling rumors.

Peter, where are we?

I don't know.
I just woke up, too.

I tied
the steering wheel
to my belt.

I figure we've
been on the road
about 20% of the time.

Dad, how long until
we can go back home?

Um, I don't know.
How long do
women hold grudges?

Not very long, I'm guessing.

Oh, Peter,
we've been driving all night.
Pull over to that gas station.

We can use the bathroom
and stretch our legs.

You got it, babe.

Did you call me "babe"?

I did.

Oh, Peter.

Ew, Mom!

You'll never have this, Meg.

All right,
back in the car, kids.

For this leg of the trip,
I was thinking of

driving with my shirt off
like New Mexico trash.

Oh, my God!
Our car!

Someone's stealing it.

Oh, crap!

Although, I got to say,
you never get to see

somebody else driving your car.

It's kind of cool.
Kind of weird.

We're stuck here, Peter!
And we don't even
know where we are.

Well, there's a sign.

Huh, guess we're in a town
called Springfield.

Springfield, eh?
What state?

I can't imagine
we're allowed to say.

Well, this Springfield
place seems nice.
We should visit here again.

I don't know, Lois.
This seems like
a one-shot deal.

Guys, we ain't here
for fun, all right?

We're here to find the police,
report our stolen car.

Oh, and don't drink the water.

Everybody around here
looks like they
have hepatitis.

Dad, I'm starving.
Can we get some food?

Lois, whip out your boob,
give the boy his lunch.

Listen to the man.

Yeah, Lois, listen to the man.

How about we just go
into that store there?

Uh, excuse me?

Hello. Welcome
to the Kwik-E-Mart.

Oh, I am so sorry.
Let me unplug that.

Oh, such a nuisance!

Hello, funny-sounding Cleveland.

What's the specialty
of the house?

To you, I recommend the donut.

Ooh!

Yum!

Have you guys seriously
never heard of donuts?

These are made fresh every day.

And then,
several days later,
we receive them

and make them
available for purchase.

Hey, are these...
Are these free?

'Cause I forgot to mention,
all our money is
in our stolen car.

Thank you.
Come again.

Sir, we can pay you
back for the donuts
when we find our car.

Do you think
that I am moved
by your sob story?

I come from
a country
where the words

for "sewage" and
"beverage" are the same.

I'll pay for their donuts.

Thank you so much, sir.

For what?
I didn't say anything.

Oh.

It was me.

How come this
convenience store
has so many shadowy parts?

Apu, a dozen donuts
for our albino visitors.

Wow! For real?

No man should be so poor
he cannot pay for a donut.

I was once you.
I couldn't afford donuts.

Tell them what I did, Apu.

He stole the donuts.

I stole the donuts.

So, here you go.
12...

Ten...
Eight donuts.

That's very nice
of you, Mister...

Simpson. Homer Simpson.

We're the Griffins.
Peter, Lois, Stewie,

and then, uh, you know,
the others.

Brian, I guess.

Well, enjoy your six donuts.

Mmm. Yummy. Donut.

That's pretty good,
but try it like this.

Mmm. Donut.

Mmm. Donut.

I think
you and I are gonna
get along just okay.

Yeah, all right, we'll be there.

But if you want to
save us a little time,

you can start tracing
his body with chalk.

This is the police station.

Be careful.
I think some of
them might be cops.

Oh, hey there.
Cool hat, weird nose.

Hey, listen,
my car got stolen. I was
hoping you could help.

Well, we got a procedure
for handling alleged
crimes around here.

Let's see. Uh...

Did you contribute to
the policeman's ball?
No.

Oh, that's too bad,
'cause he really
needs one.

He had an accident last week.

Yeah, I tried to jump
over a parking meter.

Yeah, all right,
well, with no contribution,

your report goes right
into the circular file.

I got to be honest.
I don't usually
check this file,

so it might be a while
until we find
that car of yours.

Uh, Chief, that excuse
to leave you asked for
is here.

Oh, sorry,
I got to take this.
It never ends.

Oh, thank you so
much for putting us up
until we find our car.

And thank you for not being
a band of hippie murderers.

And now this again.

You bring home
two bands of hippie murderers,

and suddenly,
that's all you're about.

Well, what do you say
we have some lunch?

Where's Bart?

Well, he's at camp all week.

I'm sorry you
won't get to meet him.

Got kicked out of camp.

I superglued my counselor's
butt cheeks together.

That's terrible.

But how did you even
get access to his butt cheeks?

I'm not the only one
who got kicked out of camp.

This is Bart.

Honey, your hands are filthy.
Go wash up for lunch.

Eat my shorts!

"Eat my shorts."
I love that!

Is that a popular expression,
like "What the deuce"?

Probably more popular.

Probably...
Probably way more popular.

Well, here's my room.

Hey, you want to
see my weapons closet?

You have a weapons closet, too?

Ouch!
Jesus heard my mean thought!

A slingshot!
It's so simple and pure.

He doesn't need
lasers or time machines,

just gum balls and marbles
and balls of string.

He's like something
out of Mark Twain!

Whose real name
was Samuel Clemens.

How does that
further this
conversation?

Hey, you want to
make a prank phone call?

Ooh, prank phone call!

Moe's Tavern.
Moe speaking.

Uh, yeah,
I'm looking for a friend,
last name Keebum,

first name Lee.

Hang on, I'll check.

Hey, guys, do I got
a Lee Keebum?

Come on, look at the stools,
is there a Lee Keebum?

Somebody check the rear.
I know I got a Lee Keebum.

Then you probably
shouldn't be handling food.

Oh, my God, that's amazing!
That's the coolest thing ever!

Hey, I want to try.
Okay.

Moe's Tavern.

Hello, Moe?
Your sister's being raped.

Is that...
Is that one?

So, this is my room.
Please excuse the mess.

Hmm. There,
that's better.

Look at all these trophies!
There must be,
like, 20 of them!

Twenty-three.
But I'm sure you have
a lot of trophies of your own.

No. I'm not good
at anything.

Oh, Meg, I'm sure
you're good at something.

We just have to
find out what it is.

After all, Nelson Mandela
said it's our obligation
to shine.

You mean like my
oily face and back?

No. Maybe don't sit
on my bedspread, please.

But I mean
the light within you
that makes you an individual.

Meg, you need to
know that you matter.

Really? No one's
ever told me
I mattered before.

That's why you have to say it.

So say it.

I matter.

Louder!

I matter!

Shut up, Meg!
You don't matter!

Hey, couldn't help but notice
there's no seat for me.

Oh, I was under the impression
that you were a dog.

You're right to have
that reaction, Marge.

Why, I just figured,
at home I sit

with the family,
so I assumed that...

Have you ever
drunk out of a toilet?

I don't see what
that has to do
with the discussion.

Dogs eat in the kitchen.

Yeah, dogs eat in the kitchen.

You know, you're eating
mostly horse hooves
and tallow, right?

You cool with that?

Oh, and the ones
that fall on the floor,

you just eat those up, too, huh?

Oh, yeah, yeah, you do.

So, is that...
Is that, like, your thing?
You eat loud?

I'm sorry, I don't know what...

That's a gutter language.

Are you making friends
in there, Brian?

Yeah, he's a lot of laughs.

Wow, you work at
a nuclear power plant?

What's that?
I don't know.

Pretty impressive.
I just work
at a brewery.

Oh, my God,
you get to work with beer?
Wow! What's beer really like?

Eh, he's got a big head.

Hey, you know...
Aw, damn it, I don't have
a comic strip anymore.

So, still no word
from the police on
your stolen car?

The cops here are a joke.

I bet you and me
can find your car
on our own.

You think so?
Yeah.

'Cause Homer
Simpson and Peter Griffin
are a great team!

A greater team than...

Than...

Uh-huh, keep going.
Than... Something else.

Something else?
I don't know what this is.

Okay, I'll do it.

Homer Simpson and
Peter Griffin are

an even greater team
than the Air Force!

Hold steady.
I got him in my sights.

Whoo-hoo!
Yeah!

Yeah, we did it.

What's he doing here?

We got to carry him,
'cause he can't
fly on his own.

We let that other guy try,
and look what happened.

No, no, no, no, no, no!

Wow, they've made
a lot of changes
to Quahog!

Chris, we're in
a different town.

Oh...

Is that why there
was blood in my stool?

No. That sounds
like a separate issue.

God, I can't believe I got stuck

taking their
stupid dog
for a walk.

Stupid?
Well, I don't know,
I think he's kind of fun.

What, are you kidding?
He doesn't do anything.

You know,
it's not his fault, though.

He doesn't know
any better. He's been on
a leash his whole life.

Hey, you know what?
Come here,
Santa's Stupid Name.

You're a grown dog,
start acting like one.

Come here, boy.

Hey, stop that dog!

Sorry. We're on
a smoke break.

Nothing beats
smoking and standing.

Although smoking and sitting
does have its moments.

You always have
to argue with me.

Oh, thank goodness!

I was starting to think
you wouldn't show, Dr. Dog.

Boy, you really like
to bleed, huh, guy?

Hey, there's a dog
in the dining area!

How'd that happen?
Get back in there.

Which one is
Santa's Little Helper?

I don't know.
You're the one who
sniffed his butt.

Yeah, for, like, a second!

Damn it, he's gone.

We're screwed.

Welcome to Krusty Burger.
May I take your order?

Your voice sounds stupid.

Oh, my God, that was great!

I mean,
unless you think it sucked,
in which case it sucked.

It was all right, dude.

Yeah, dude.

So, you know,
um, I'm only wearing

this diaper as a dare, you know.

It's not,
like, an everyday thing.

Hey, loser, I copied
off your spelling test
and got a D!

Ha, ha!

I say, how long has
that boy been treating
you like that?

Uh... About 24 years.

Just who I was looking for!

Cowabunga.

All right, Peter,

if we're gonna find your car,
we got to think like a car.

So let's fill up
at that gas station.

I feel sick.

Keep drinking.
I prepaid 40 bucks!

Homer, maybe
we're doing this wrong.

Oh, crap!

Haben Sie Homer und Peter
mit Chevron pump?

Okay, I got a great idea
how we're gonna
find my stolen car.

We'll throw a car wash
free for stolen cars!

And then when
we find it, we'll
actually charge the guy!

Well, none of these is
my car, but we promised
these scumbags a show.

♪ Hey

♪ Hey

♪ Hey

♪ Love is like a bomb,
baby, come on, get it on

♪ Livin' like
a lover with a radar phone

♪ Lookin' like a tramp,
like a video vamp

♪ Demolition woman,
can I be your man

♪ Yeah

♪ So come on, take a bottle

♪ Shake it up

♪ Break the bubble

♪ Break it up

♪ Pour some sugar on me

♪ Ooh, in the name of love

♪ Pour some sugar on me

♪ Come on, fire me up

♪ Pour your sugar on me

♪ I can't get enough ♪

Hey, Chief, we could arrest
every single car
thief in Springfield.

After the show,
Lou, after the show.

I don't know! I feel
like I'm good at nothing!

Hey, everyone gets down
on themselves sometimes.

Those are the days
I'm glad I have
my saxophone.

Saxophone?

Yeah. My dad
gave it to me.

My dad once gave
me a gun to hide.

That's terrible.

Whenever I feel any
pain or loneliness,

I just play away the blues
on my saxophone.

Huh. I usually just
beat up a cat.

Good thing we don't have a cat.

Why don't you give it a shot?

Was that good?

It was okay,
but it would be a shame

to waste such
great butcher's arms

on a musical instrument.

Wakey, wakey.

Good morning.
You and I have
quite a day ahead of us.

Oh, that's a clown
I painted, so you know
I'm truly insane.

You know, Nelson, I don't doubt

that you've had
a twisted childhood.

Most evil people have.
Hitler, Manson, Jaden Smith.

But you're different
from them, aren't you?

Because they're rail-thin,
and you're fat.

You're a little piggy,
aren't you, Nelson?

In fact, I bet
you're hungry right now.

What's that?

I could eat.

Good. Because
you're going to

eat my shorts.

Homer, you're never
going to believe what we did.

We saw a movie in the afternoon!

Yeah, we saw Surf's Up 2.

Marge covered her eyes
every time
the penguins surfed.

It made me nervous.
They could drown.

Hey, where's
Santa's Little Helper?

Brian, you took him
for a walk, right?

Uh, yeah, yeah.

More like he took me for a walk.

God, what a fun dog.

He's in the kitchen right now,
totally accounted for.

Shut up.

I'll go check on him right now.

And Chris will come with me.
But nobody else!

Ah, there he is!

Aw, you like that
behind the ear,
don't you, boy?

I'm another dog in here!

What the hell are you doing?

He's having a dog playdate.

How does that help us?

We're creating a broad story.

Also, Matthew McConaughey
is in here, too!

"All right,
all right, all right."

No, no, he's not really in here!

We thought it was him,
but it was just the oven!

Now you're just doing voices.

Jack Nicholson?

Okay, Santa's Little Helper
got all tuckered
out from his playdate,

so he went out back
to take a nap under
that tree

where nobody knows
quite where it is.

Hey, what happened
to Jack Nicholson
and that other dog?

Yeah.

Wait, aren't you supposed
to be looking for our car?

Didn't find the car, Lois,
but I found a good time
with a good pal.

Right, Homer?

Hey, Quagmire who, right?

Yeah, Quagmire who?

That's an actual question.
I don't know who Quagmire is.

Peter,
I'm glad you made a friend,
but what about our car?

Yeah, I got an idea about that.

What's the one surefire way
to find a lost car?

Giant magnet?

Giant magnet.

Giant magnet?

Check.

Giant plug?
Check.

Giant curbside outlet?

Oh, things never work
the way they do on the box.

Okay, let's get this garbage
out of the street.

Oh, dear, I was
using that car as pants.

Oh, my God, Dad, it's our car!

That confused old guy
must have been
driving it by mistake.

How many confused old guys
you got in this town?

I'm old, so I'm the victim!

Well, Homer,
thanks for helping
me get my car back.

And to show my appreciation,
I got a little
something for you.

Here you go.
Pawtucket Patriot Ale.

The best Quahog has to offer.

Always keep
an emergency six-pack
in my trunk.

Oh, that's cool,
bringing outside
beer into my bar.

Down the hatch!

That's pretty good, right?

No.
Huh?

It's not good.

This beer tastes
exactly like Duff.
It's just a lousy rip-off.

Hey, whoa, whoa, whoa!
It's not a rip-off of Duff.

It may have been
inspired by Duff, but I...

I like to think it goes
in a different direction.

No, this is just
the same as Duff,
but, like, worse.

Hey, come on, now,
this is my favorite beer
you're talking about.

Hell, I work for the company.
It's my livelihood.

Oh, yeah?
Well, your livelihood

is based on fraud.
Look at this.

Huh?

It is Duff.

Your beer is in big trouble!

You can't just slap a new label

on something and
call it your own!

Well, maybe Duff
should be in trouble for,

you know, not being that great.

Duff is an icon!

Yeah, but some folks
prefer Pawtucket Pat.

I mean, don't get me wrong,
I used to love Duff
when I was younger,

but I haven't even had
it in, like, 13 years.

Be that as it may,
I represent
the Duff Brewery,

and you,
sir, as a representative
of Pawtucket Patriot Ale,

are being sued for
intellectual theft
and patent infringement.

Aha! Intellectual theft!

What do you have
to say about that, Griffin?

D'oh!

The Pawtucket
Patriot Brewery being sued?

It's the largest
employer in Quahog, Peter.

A lot of people's
jobs are riding on this.

Yeah, I got a job for you
riding on something.

Peter!
Sorry!

Sorry, Lois, I'm tired

'cause we usually only
do these things
for half an hour.

Simpson.

Griffin.

Nice day, isn't it?

A nice day for
stabbing a friend in the back.

Yeah, and a nice day
for bringing
thieves to justice.

We're getting
a lot of compliments.

Yeah,
we're doing something right.

Your Honor,
citizens of Springfield
and visitors from Quahog,

my client, the Duff Brewery,
is the victim of flagrant
intellectual theft.

I'm whispering in
court to look smart.

But it's not just
the main Duff recipe
that's been plagiarized.

Several other Duff variations,

packages and design elements
have been similarly infringed,

resulting again and
again in pale imitations,

cheap copies,
clumsy counterfeits
and weak substitutions.

You like sex?
Eh.

I don't think
we're very similar.

You know why they got us
sitting next to each other.

'Cause we're the two
funniest guys in our towns?

Damn right.

I'm a Jewish clown.

Me, too.

Are you a mayor?

Yes, I am.

Are you a "cool" mayor?

I, uh...
I like to think so.

You lived in Springfield?

Yeah,
I worked at the Kwik-E-Mart,
researching a role.

These guys are gonna lose.

I've heard all I need
to hear to make a decision.

If you ask me,
neither of these
beers is wholly original.

They're both pale imitations
of my favorite beer, Bud Rock.

But rendering a verdict
is something I'm paid to

yabba-dabba-do!

Eh.

And I find in favor of Duff.

Oh, no!
Oh, no!

Oh, no!

Hello?

Uh, hey.
I'm in the wrong Springfield.

So, what's going to happen now?

Well, the Pawtucket Brewery
will be shut down,

so I guess we got
to go back to Quahog
and find Peter a new job.

Mmm, that's too bad.

Yeah.

Anyways, it was still nice
to meet you and your family,

even though you kind
of screwed us over.

Good to have you.

And, hey, next time
you stay with a family,

maybe you can wear a bra
some of the time.

Hey, uh, Marge, uh,

listen, there's
something difficult

that I've been
trying to figure out
how to tell you, and um...

It's about, uh,
Santa's Little Helper.

What about him?

He's, um...

Right there.

You were trying to figure out
a way to tell me that?

I overthink things sometimes.

Oh, and, look, he's
with Ed McMahon!

"Hey-o! Here's Johnny!"

Chris, we're done.

You may be but,
"I'm just getting warmed up!"

That's Al Pacino.

Thanks for being so cool, Lisa.

I cut your name in my arm
so I'll always remember you.

Meg, I want you to have this.

Your saxophone?

Yes, Meg.

When you played the saxophone,
I could feel your
soul coming out.

So I want you to
take this and shine.

Lisa, no one has ever done
anything this nice for me.

You're amazing,
and I will never
be like you.

I'm not pretty, I'm not smart,
I'm not talented.

I have the same shoe size
as Charles Barkley.

My prom date was
a scarecrow I stole,
and he left with someone else.

The inside of my
hat smells so bad

I'm not allowed in
most restaurants...

Hey, hey!

Shut up, Meg.

No luggage.
Car's full. Let's go.

Well, nice knowing you, Stewie.

Same here, Bart.

Hey, I hope you don't mind,
I got you a little present.

Whoa! Is that Nelson?
Stewie, what the deuce?

Yes, I... Oh!

Oh, that's nice.
You got that from me.

'Cause, you know,
I was starting to worry
this was a one-way thing.

You kidnapped him?

I kidnapped all your enemies.

Nelson,
Jimbo, Principal Skinner,
Sideshow Bob, Apu.

I know Apu's not
your enemy, but I just

wanted to say,
"I took Apu."

That is funny!
But the rest of this?
It's messed up, man.

I know!
Isn't it awesome?

So, how do you
want to keep in touch?
Facebook? Twitter?

Late-night phone calls
lying on our tummies
with our feet up in the air?

Stewie, I don't think
we can be friends.
You freak me out.

Bart,
if we don't keep in touch,
I'll kill myself.

That's what I'm talking about.

Later, dude!

Later, dude.

Aw.

Hey, Griffin.
Sorry about your job.

I was just sticking up for Duff.

I love Duff.
And Duff loves me.

Duff can keep a secret.
Duff never says no.

Duff is more
experimental than any
partner I've ever had.

Anyway, the point is, I'm sorry.

You know, when I
first met you, I thought,

"Hey, I love this guy!
This is the funniest
guy I've ever met.

"I'm gonna quote this
guy to all my friends.

"I love his town,
I love his family."

But now,
I think I speak for
all of us when I say,

I am over the Simpsons!

What are you saying?

I'm saying the Simpsons suck!

Why, you...

Ow.

What the hell?
That really hurts.

No, it doesn't! I do it
to my son all the time.

You strangle your son?
That's insane!

No wonder he's fat and stupid
and masturbates all the time.

That's your son!

Phew!

Hey! Knock it off!
There's a kid back there!

I'm in danger.

Hey, that's no fair.
I don't got none of them.

Uh-oh.

Uh-oh.

Ooh.

Damn it!

And remember, kids,
TV violence is fine

as long as you
don't show a nipple.

Perfect.
The earthlings are
destroying themselves.

Yeah, it's really great,
isn't it, guys?

We went to summer camp together.

Bye! Thanks for having me.

It appears that I
am now the only one
with radioactive powers,

which will allow me
to unleash my fury...

Oh, I talked too long.

We're gonna make it!

Trust me, we're not.

Whoo-hoo!

Road House.

Say hi to Maude Flanders.

No. You say hi
to Muriel Goldman.

Who?

What are you still doing here?

I think you're gonna
get a kick out of this.

You're parked
behind me at your place.

That is funny.

Hey, listen, I...

I'm sorry we fought.

I just wanted to
make you laugh and cry.

You see, I'm a Family Guy.

I understand.

I'm a The Simpsons.

Look, even if we
don't work as best pals,
I respect you.

You, too.
Let's just agree
to stay

a half hour away
from each other.

With a pile of
garbage between us.

Worst chicken fight ever.

It sure is nice to
be back in Quahog.

Oh, and thank God
all the commotion
about Dad's comic blew over.

Oh, my God, I had a comic?
That's hilarious!

Well, you may not be
a cartoonist anymore,

but you are a local hero
for defending our beer,

and apparently,
that's more important
than hating women.

So here you go,
a Pawtucket Patriot Ale.

What? I don't understand.

Ain't the brewery
out of business?
We lost a court case.

Yes, we lost,
but how are they
gonna enforce it?

What, are they gonna come here?

I think we know
that's never
gonna happen.

Hey, Stewie,
I'm sorry Bart didn't
want to be your friend.

What? No!
What are you talking about?
He was lame.

If you ask me, he kind
of sounded like a girl.

Really?
Kind of seemed
like you idolized him.

And I can
understand losing a friend
and feeling rejected.

Course you can!
You're a loser.
But not me. I'm a lone wolf.

Speaking of which,
I'm gonna go howl
at the moon.

Don't need nobody.

Shh.

♪ And now
the show is over now ♪