All language subtitles for Abbott.Elementary.S03E04.HDTV.x264-TORRENTGALAXY eng

Aardvark. Armadillo.

Ant. Anteater.

Now that I'm doing my
fellowship at the district,

there's a rotation
of substitutes

who are teaching my
class while I'm gone.

I like to pop by and
see how they're doing

whenever I happen
to be at Abbott.

Just some quick,
light-touch check-ins,

you know, just to show support.

They hardly even
know I'm here.

: Alpaca. Alligator.

♪ I'm a little teapot,
short and stout ♪

My kids are so bored,
they're moshing to

"I'm a Little Teapot."
When can we go back in?

♪ When I get all steamed
up, hear me shout ♪

♪ Tip me over
and pour me out ♪

And what you tsk'ing
at, Tsk'in' Teagues?

Ugh, just... I mean,
look... look at this.

My kids are just meandering.
You know what I mean?

You know, she's not even using
the buddy system. I... Mm...

What even set off the alarm?

Don't look at me.

Church or home are the only
places my candles are lit.

What's not lit is
another call from Abbott.

At least it's not a
full fire this time.

Mm. Just some smoke.

Seems like someone
lit a cigarette

in one of the boys'
bathrooms. What?!

Cigarette? What?

Seriously, who still
smokes cigarettes?

Single dads, criminals...

Morton. Where is he?

Probably lightin' up in a
back alley behind a Dumpster.

Scumbag.

We got him. Melissa
sniffed him out.

Oh, yeah. You got menthols, you
can run, but you can't hide.

One whiff, and I am 14 again

thinkin' I'm gonna
wait a couple years

before I try one of these.

That would only make you 16.

Smell always reminds
me of my uncle.

Oh, my aunt used to sit
in a chair with a cig

and a glass of Pinot Grig and
recount "Moonlighting" to me.

Yeah, my uncle used
to do the same thing,

except it was scotch and the
Phillies game the night before.

Mm.

Childhood. Childhood.

Nah, but this is a real
problem. Gregory: Mm-hmm.

Janine: Yeah. Oh,
yeah, absolutely.

Where did you even
get a cigarette?

Yeah, what you, a French child?

The guy around the corner
sold it to me for a dollar.

A dollar? Inflation is crazy.

But you are in big trouble,
because cigarettes are banned.

Not on any of the signs I saw.

What?

On the school's website,
we got "no skateboarding,

no vaping, no loitering,
no horseplay, no weapons,

no open flames, no
bullying, and no gambling."

That last one's just for
students, though, right?

There's nothing here
about cigarettes.

Did y'all find anything?

Uh, well, I saw a sign in
the hallway that said "no,"

but whatever was under
it was graffitied over.

Yeah, that was a
"no graffiti" sign.

The e-mail from the top of
the year lists everything,

and I mean everything...
including bringing a live spider

to school is grounds
for expulsion,

but it definitely
doesn't list cigarettes.

Fidget spinners... banned.

Cigarettes just seem to have
evaded every sign we've seen.

Wait. So many new
hazards have come out

that we forgot to put
cigarettes on the ban list?

Gee willikers, I have
nothing helpful to say,

so I guess I'll just restate the
problem that we're all aware of.

That's you. Yeah, I got it.

Besties! Let's finish
up those worksheets

so we can move on to adjectives.

Jessca, do I need to capitalize
the names of the states?

The only human needs are water,
food, shelter, and music.

But don't worry
about that right now.

Just focus on getting
your worksheets done.

Ooh. I'm sorry.

You actually do need to
capitalize the names of states,

because that's the correct
thing to do for proper nouns.

Right? Don't want
to build bad habits.

Hi. I'm Janine. Jessca.

Oh, it's nice to
meet you, Jessica.

Jessca. There's no
"I." Jess... Ca.

Who are you again?

Oh, sorry.

I'm Miss Teagues.
This is my classroom.

Oh! You're back.

Friends, looks like I'm at
the end of my time here.

Oh, no, no, no, no. I was just
popping in to say hi to them.

That's it. Everyone
say hi to Janine!

All: Hi, Janine!

Oh. Uh, no, guys,
it's Miss Teagues,

with a capital "T" because
it's a proper noun.

Is there a reason
why we're abandoning

all the rules of grammar?
Oh, in the first worksheet,

I like for the kids to
write as freely as possible.

Mm. And, uh, we'll tackle

capitalization later.

Thank you so much
for stopping by.

Bye, Janine. Oh,
see, it's the way

he said that just now is
what I'm trying... Mm-hmm.

Alright. Let's get back to it.

How could cigarettes
not be banned?

Yeah, somebody really
missed the mark on that one.

I know my fit is going off
today, but don't look at me.

I blame... Janine.

What are y'all even doing
down there at the district?

Shuffling papers?
Doing the Jubi Slide?

The children are smoking.
What's the Jubi Slide?

Oh, it's when you
put one foot down,

and you kind of move in
the opposite direction...

I do not want to live in a world

where white people
explain dance moves to me.

You know, I just don't get it.

You know, I thought
we beat cigarettes

with the Truth Campaign.

It's just so retro.

Well, maybe they're
getting cool again.

I mean, clogs are back.
Anything's possible.

Yes. Well, yes, but there
are some cool clogs.

I just can't believe that
children are smoking ragweed.

I know. Don't they know
that smoking kills?

Mm. Jacob, you literally vape.

Okay, that's different. That...

Yes, in that it's worse
because you can vape anywhere.

You vaped all
through "Saltburn."

You're inhaling thousands
of toxins. Yuck.

Yeah, well... Janine
smokes weed every day.

No.

Damn, Afroman.

Nope. Not every day.

Every night.

Janine.

Reefer. Ganja.

The Devil's Lettuce.

That's why your feet so big.

I-It's medicinal, and...
and it's considerate.

If I didn't smoke, I'd be an
insufferable Energizer Bunny.

What a twist. Janine is
quietly off that loud.

Ava, you can't talk,
okay? You a hookah head.

Mm-hmm. Facts. And microdosing.

I just eyeball it and say,
"Yeah, that's enough."

Now, I don't smoke,

but I do enjoy a protein-bar
edible on the weekends.

You know, research
actually shows...

Wow. This man just
made drugs boring.

I suggest that you
all drop your vices

and take a hit of
my drug of choice...

J-E-S-U-S.

Street name, Christ.

Uh, you've been known

to demolish those little
bottles of Chardonnay.

And you snort that
liquid marijuana.

You don't snort
it. It is CBD oil,

and I rub it on my joints.

It's a gateway ointment.

Your lungs are dust.

Crackheads. Speaking of joints,

you ever submerge yourself
in the essence of...

Oh, duh-duh-duh-duh, shh.
Don't finish that sentence.

Frankincense and rosemary.

I bathe in it while
I hit a blunt.

Gotcha. Okay. I...

Gotcha. Whew, so
glad we found you.

Um, you may or may not have
heard some chatting earlier,

that may or may not have
been by the teachers,

about, you know, some topics

that you may or may not
know enough about to parse.

What? Baby, what'd you
hear up in the lounge?

That the teachers
are all dope fiends.

Okay, now, that was an adult
conversation between adults.

That also didn't happen.
We were just joking.

Why didn't anybody laugh?

'Cause Janine isn't funny.

Okay, listen, I'm
gonna level with you,

'cause I know you're
a smart kid...

I am. Or at least that's
what my teachers say.

But maybe they didn't mean
it. Since they were high.

Okay, alright, I
think the point

is that you overheard
our conversation,

which wasn't meant for you,

so maybe it should
just stay right here.

If it makes y'all feel better,

it can stay here
physically. Okay.

But, digitally, it's
up on every platform.

I posted it everywhere
immediately.

- Ohh!
- Ooh.

Respect.

Gotcha.

So, the Dust Bowl,
named after...

Is that what the inside
of your car looks like

when you're vaping, Mr. C.?

Look, I-I want to make
something very clear.

No one should be talking about,
or doing, any drugs, okay?

Except for the teachers, huh?

This man is a hypocrite.

Oh, you just got
smoked, Mr. C.

But I bet you like that.

Hi.

Hmph. Bet you are.

Word Families.

Pet. Kids: Pet.

Mm. Mrs. Howard,

is that Pinot Grigio?

This thing has gotten
totally out of control.

You're all drug addicts, and I'm tired
of it. What do we even say to them?

We can't just have our
kids undermining us.

Okay, but how do we tell them
not to smoke or do drugs,

when, one, they know that
we do them, and, two,

we can't say anything to them
except for "Just say no"?

Okay, well, Janine, you're
at the school district.

What's our move?

We do have one more
resource at our disposal.

I think it's time to
call in a professional.

Gregory: Take a
seat in this row,

but leave this
seat for me, okay?

Well, F.A.D.E. got here quickly.

Yeah, just had to call
in a favor. Nice work.

And then I had to
call in another favor

when they found out I was
the one who sent them Tariq.

To which I said, "How
was I supposed to know

"he'd be a liability?"
To which they said,

"Wasn't he your boyfriend?"
To which I said,

"Okay, nosy, good point."

I'd like to use all
other remaining favors.

Can you help me or not?"
Well, it sounds like

the Tariq and F.A.D.E.
split was amicable, then.

They said it's litigious
and Tariq is not winning.

Great. Look at this.

Why aren't they
in single file,

and why are they holding
hands? It's like, germ alert.

Maybe it's to make sure
no one gets left behind.

Okay, well, did you know

that she has them call
her by her first name?

These are your students,
not your buddies.

Also, I overheard her saying,

"You can use commas
whenever you feel like."

And I just feel
like... Janine,

did you smoke last night? 'Cause
it don't seem like you did.

I just don't think it's the
best way to run a classroom.

Well, she's right over
there if you want to have

an actual conversation with her.

Mm.

Awwww, yeah!

Abbott Elementary two-
thousand-and-twenty-three-ee-ee!

It's 2024.

Two-thousand-
and-twenty-fou-ou-r!

Gotta introduce
myself right quick.

My mama named me Timothy.

I call myself Slimothy.

But you can call me
Slim. You feel me?

Welcome to the
F.A.D.E. Experience.

Let's do this!

Drink up the energy!

Drink up the energy,
drink up the energy!

Sober minded.

Aw, yeah, no, it's a great
gig. Like, it was fate.

And your Tariq was a
renaissance, for real.

Definitely my inspiration.

'Cause I just be
studyin' what he be doin'

and puttin' my own spin on it.

And the people,
shh, they like it.

So, what's poppin' to
all my little sweeties.

Smokin' cigs'll
give you diabetes.

Now, I admit that it
make you look cool.

But it make your breath
smell like stool.

And that's poop.

Slim: I run up the score
when I step in the booth.

You do too much dip,
you might lose a tooth.

I'm feelin' so swaggy
and actin' uncouth.

Please don't get me
started on cancer.

I'mma lose it if you
think smokin' the answer!

Get that out. Put it out.

In conclusion, I don't
think children should smoke.

- That's right.
- Yes.

Whoo!

Yeah, y'all warm as hell now!

Fatal overdoses in
Philly are on the rise!

And you all are responsible for
stopping it via your decisions.

Say it wit' me.

All: Decisions.

Alright, now I'm about
to bring out da dopest...

Mm. Mm. Mnh-mnh.

The tightest

certified F.A.D.E.
representative

in the wo-o-rld!

Carol-i-i-i-ne!

Pay attention so you don't die.

Pay attention,

so you don't die.

Hello, young... youth of color.

I'm Caroline.

Look to your left.

Now look to your right.

Now imagine it's blurry.

That's what it's like to
be under the influence.

Hey, Jessca, how's it going?

It's fantastic. I was
just telling the kids

they can choose their
own homework assignments.

I see. Yeah.

I find that choice gets them
really excited about homework.

Caroline: You are worthy of a good
life. Hey, so, um, first of all,

I just wanted to say
thank you for subbing.

The only job harder than
teaching is substitute teaching.

I don't know. Have you ever
seen "Ice Road Truckers"?

That ice thin. That truck big.

Yeah, good point.

Mm-hmm. Great show.

Uh, second, you know,

I used to teach this
class for three years,

and so I have a deep, you
know, rich understanding

of the kids and
this grade level,

so, you know, if you
ever need any tips.

Thanks! But everything's fine.

Right, but there are some
universal teaching practices,

and because of your
lack of experience,

you might just need a
little gentle guidance.

Excuse me, Janine,
I'm trying to listen.

Thank you. Mm-hmm.

If I need help, I will ask.

Okay.

But I don't, so I won't.

So, in conclusion,

say no to drugs,
cigarettes, and alcohol.

Remember, F.A.D.E. says,

if it makes you faded,

walk away from i-it.

I know that doesn't
exactly rhyme,

but it's the
message that counts.

A-Alright, we're gonna keep
this fun bus moving along

and jump right into a Q&A.

When my mom gets off her
shift at the hospital,

she has a cigarette.
Is that okay?

Only if she wants to wind up
being a patient there herself.

What about wine?

My dad drinks a glass
at dinner sometimes.

You know what pairs
well with everything?

Sobriety.

My aunt takes edibles the doctor
prescribed for her glaucoma.

I guess that would
be an exception

if it is for medical reasons.

So, you're saying some drugs
are better than others?

I would not say better.

But some are definitely
worse than others.

Well, then, what's
the least bad drug?

All substances are bad.

But if you had to pick one...

Cigarettes, I guess.

No! No!

So if I had to pick one thing
to do if my life depended on it,

it should be cigarettes?

No! Maybe weed?

Hoo, buddy. The hell?

Let's end this, guys.

According to CNN...
Uh, fake news.

Okay, now you got my attention.

Alcohol was illegal during
the Prohibition era,

and we're seeing the same
renaissance now with marijuana.

You know where they don't
have a marijuana problem?

The Third World,

where kids can't just
Google whatever they want,

because they're busy
making the phones.

Okay, alright...
It just seems like

most drugs aren't that bad.

Fine, you can smoke a little!
Just don't do opioids!

My grandfather's on opioids.

Drugs from a doctor are okay.

My mom's on Valtrex.

That's fine. Your
mom has herpes.

- Hey!
- Wow.

Lady, are you high?

Caroline: Uh...

Whoo! Alright!

When I say "this,"
you say, "went well."

This. Went well.

This. Went well.

Hey, okay. Ah, peace.

Ava: [ Over P.A. I Attention,
Abbott Elementarians...

Due to the district mandate,
we will now be performing

mandatory locker, bag,
and cubby searches.

In addition to searches,

we are also reinforcing
the zero-tolerance policy.

Any substance found will end in
a mandatory two-day suspension.

Okay... Any discussion
of illicit substances

will result in
disciplinary action.

This applies to
students and teachers.

It's bad enough

I got to make announcements
sounding like a cop.

Now I got to be a judge
and hand out a sentence.

According to this, I
got to suspend Curtis.

Well, that's how it goes.

You bring a substance
in, you get suspended.

This seems like
overkill, to do all this

without even having an honest
conversation with Curtis

or any of our students.

Well, that's the system for ya.

We're not allowed to say
anything except "drugs are bad."

It just all seems ridiculous.
Okay, Curtis is a great kid.

He's an "A" student. He
doesn't bother anyone.

It's kind of uncharacteristic
that he smokes.

Smokes or smoked?

Do we even know if
he's done this before?

We let this thing get
so out of control,

we forgot to ask the
boy what happened.

So I guess I got to suspend him?

Hold on, okay? Let
me talk to him.

He's been spending a lot
of time in my classroom,

and I think he's
comfortable with me.

I'll go with you. As
a former child smoker,

I can probably cough
up some advice.

See? It's not funny.

Janine: Steps to make sure this kind
of thing doesn't happen anymore.

Feel like some direction...

Uh, some direction from
the school district...

Everything okay? 'Cause, Janine,

I know you love
to return a wave.

Yeah, everything's
fine. I love the sub.

And her methods, and her ways.

Yeah, I have no
concerns. Spill the peas.

She's just doing things
differently than I would, okay?

And that's all I'll say.

She is teaching
grammar out of order,

and it is chaos, and
other things, too. It's...

Would you believe
it if I told you

that when you first started,
I found that some of your ways

of teaching were
a bit unorthodox?

Uh, no, because that
belief interferes

with my perception
of reality, so...

Janine, every teacher
has their own style.

You do things
differently than Melissa.

Melissa does things
differently than me.

I know, but it's my class.

It was your class.

It's not your class right now.

Okay. Okay.

But did you know that she
took the "I" out of her name

and just goes by Jessca?

Now, that is foolishness.

Mm-hmm. These kids nowadays,

they're just gonna
do anything. I know.

"Hello, students. My name
is no longer Miss Barbara.

"It's Miss Br-ha-ha-ra."

Yeah, yeah. It's absurd.

Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm.

Am I in trouble? Because
I really am sorry.

No, no, we just
wanted to talk, hon.

So, remember when we asked
you where you got the loosie?

Well, we also want to
know why you got it.

I don't know. Just
curious, I guess.

Curiosity is part
of being a kid.

Okay, when I was
younger, I, uh...

Uh, l-look, you're
gonna be presented

with a lot of things in
life, both good and bad,

and we just want to make sure
that you're being careful.

I wasn't even gonna do it again.

See, that's great. It took
me decades to learn that.

It was nasty.

Yeah, it is nasty, so
don't forget that taste.

Was F.A.D.E. my fault?

No, no, sweetie.

F.A.D.E. is the
government's fault.

I really am sorry.

Yeah, we know you are. Why
don't you head on back to class?

I hate that we can't be
more honest with them.

Me, too. That kid should
not be suspended. Ugh.

Maybe he doesn't have to be.

Hey. Now it's vibe time.

Hey, Jessca.

So, I just wanted to apologize.

Um, while you're here,

these kids are your
class, not mine,

and I should not
have tried to force

my albeit tried-and-true
methods onto...

"K," so let me stop
you right there,

because actually, I'm only
signed up to be here this week.

And I won't be returning,

because this week has
been exceptionally mid.

Oh! So... Mm. I thought
you would, uh...

I don't know. I just thought
you were having a good time,

so that's why I wanted to
come and, you know, say sorry

for the way I'd been acting,
because it wasn't, you know...

Yeah, you're talking as if there
was some sort of interaction

I'm supposed to
remember, but I don't.

Nevertheless... Oh.

I accept your apology,

which I'm sure I humbly deserve.

Toodle-oo.

Okay. Oh. Oh, the door.

Toodle-oo. Click it.

I'm gonna be honest. This
was a rough week at Abbott.

Uh, sometimes, as a teacher,

there's only so much
you're allowed to say.

But that doesn't mean that
you can't still be there

for your kids.

I remembered that I had
an in at the district,

and she's gonna
speak to the board

and see if she can get
Curtis' suspension lifted.

I'm confident
she'll get it done.

She always does.

Thank you. The truth
is, attitudes change.

And as teachers, we
have to figure out

how to keep an open mind while
staying within the bounds.

And the result is,

sometimes we end up learning
something ourselves.

You're gonna feel so much
better when you just let it go.

Let it go.

- Drop it.
- Good, there you go.

- Okay. See?
- Very good.

Good job. Yes!

There you go!

Jacob. Jacob. Jacob. Yes. Yes.

No!

No! Oh, my God!

Get him out! Get him out!
Jacob. Jacob. Jacob? Relax.

I got it!

No! Jacob! Give it to me! No!

They say quitting vaping
is easy-peasy. Total lie.

Nicotine gum... I kept
accidentally swallowing it.

Reading Allen Carr's "Easy
Way to Stop Smoking,"

I was falling asleep and
dreaming about smoking.

Anyway, I have found a solution
that I really think is the one.

Hey, didn't you
listen to F.A.D.E.?

You can't have vape
pens in school.

I buried my vape pen.

This is my Bref.

No vapor, no nicotine,
just real natural air.

Damn, they got dumb
asses paying for air?

Why didn't I think of that?

Dumbasses? No... Uh,
it was only $200.

And it comes with a
lifetime guarantee...

Wait.

I got got.

Well, I'll be.

This oxygen is bus sin'!

Captions by VITAC...