All language subtitles for The Great North s04e02 Risky Beefness Adventure.eng

look up there
what do you see?

nature and stuff

like a rock
and a tree

oh, the great north

way up here,
you can breathe the air

catch some fish

or gaze at a bear

wow

oh, the great north

here we live, oh, oh

here we'll stay, oh, whoo

from longest night
to longest day

in the great north.

[cheering]

all the nets are in.
My traps are checked. -[phone rings]

-Hello?
-Beef cheeks, it's carissa.

Me and dorothy and marie are
going to gals guzzle free night

At the daiquiri cave
in kenai. You wanna come?

Gonna be a lotta sturdy
broads there!

Oh, I wish but...
My... Nets are tangled,

And my traps are on fire.
Uh-oh!

[chuckles nervously]
uh, so gotta take a rain check.

Beef, I love ya,
but you're a terrible liar.

You should be meetin'
some bishes instead

Of catchin' fishes,
but your loss.

Smell you later.

[sighs]

Time to unwind after
a full day of fishing

With a little more fishing.

[chuckles, grunts]

[creaking]

Oh, no.

Ah!

[gasping]

I'll just swim back.
Oh, god, the current. [groans]

Oh, my leg is so stuck.
[grunts]

Okay, think, beef.

Your leg is stuck in the net.

You gotta get untangled.

But pulling is seeming
to tighten the ropes.

[shivers]

Cold water. Hypothermia.

-Probably have
15 minutes at best. -Beef.

-What?
-Relax.

It's all okay.

God? Is that you?

Sorry I said
I thought you were imaginary.

[chuckles]
it's not god, beef.

It's me! Your penis.

Oh, man, hypothermia
must be setting in.

Wait, why do you have
a southern accent?

'cause I'm from down south.

On your body. I mean...

I was, when I was alive.

But now I'm dead.

And I'm in heaven.
Me. Your beautiful body handle.

Deceased. Because you haven't
used me in years.

What? That's not true.
What about last month?

The latest issue of
fisherwoman's quarterly.

That was a few minutes of fun.

I'm not talking about
catchin' your own cod,

I'm talking about sex.

Sex is kinda my thing.

Well, I never have
the opportunity to meet anyone.

"I never have
the opportunity..." [scoffs]

You pass up opportunities
all the time.

You just passed up
an opportunity to go to

Gals guzzle free night
with carissa.

I have ears, you know.

-You do?
-Kinda.

Anyway, saying no to going
to a literal ladies night

Was the last straw for me.

It killed me.
Just come join me in heaven.

But I don't want to die.

Well, then, maybe
I could help you.

-Please!
-If you could also help me.

-I'll do anything.
-Promise me you'll actually start living,

Get me in the game?

Because I'm not asking
for a lot!

I'd take a-a one-night stand.

Or, I don't know,
let's say you meet a lady

At the bus station.

Y'all go to the bathroom
together.

She gets you up
on the changing table.

Her teeth fall out,
but who cares?

Maybe that's part of it.

Wait, what am I saying?
Please, help me get untangled!

Okay, the net is tangled
around your left foot.

It's in a kind of a cinch knot,
so slide it up your leg

To loosen it,
then wiggle your foot out.

[grunting]

Holy hell.

I'm alive. I'm alive!

[panting]
sorry... I'm... Late.

Uh, beef, you okay there?

You look like the bear
fromthe revenant.

Uh, dad?
What happened to you?

Okay, I know this
might sound bonkers,

But I had
a near-death experience,

And I... Saw something.

The cherubic faces
of your beloved children?

No, I saw my...

...My penis in the sky,
and it spoke unto me.

So you passed out,
had a dream?

This was no dream,
it was an epiphany.

My, uh, genital member was angry

About me not having...

-A falcon?
-Sex.

And that's my cue.
Glad you're okay, dad.

I'll be on the porch
not talking about this.

I'm also suppressing
a scream of terror

At the prospect of discussing
dad's boudoir journey,

But I like to be perceived
as sex-positive,

And I want dad to be happy,
so I'm just gonna stay here

But just nod and say "mmm...
Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm."

I, on the other hand,
am ready to dig in.

Father, are you saying
that your downstairs dad

Wants you to get a girlfriend?

He's not looking for commitment.

He's after a one-night stand.

Mm-hmm! Mm-hmm.

Maybe me and honeybee can
find you a date,

And then we can all
go out together!

Ah, it's always been
a dream of mine

To do some double-teaming
with my dad.

I hope to god that's not
what you meant to say.

Thank you for the offer, son.

But I've gleaned from tv

That if all I'm looking for
is a "hooking up,"

I should just get on the...
Uh, applications.

Oh, yeah, if you're just after
a little straddle-and-skedaddle,

Then dating apps
are just the ticket.

All right,
once we finish dinner,

I will expose myself
to the internet.

Hey, moon. Did you have
to fart during dinner

So you came outside?

It happens to me all the time.

Just last week I had to run
out of steak 'n shake.

Actually,
the indoor conversation

Got a little too grown-up
for my liking.

What are you up to, jerry?

Oh, I was just
stopping by to grab

My spare bigfoot head.

I left it over here last week.

Classy.

-May I?
-Yeah.

Whoa, baby bigfoot.
Ooh, this is giving me an idea.

My gigs have slowed down
a little lately,

And I could use a new gimmick.

You want to play
bigfoot's baby brother

At the birthday gig
I'm headed to?

-For real?
-Heck yeah, it'll be fun.

Plus, I always wanted
a real-life baby brother,

But it never happened.

-So what do you say?
-I'm in.

And we can split the tip.

Free money? Okay, you're
already my new best big brother.

Let me go inform my family
about my new life.

Okay, I uploaded the only
picture we have of dad smiling.

Remember?
We took it after

You saw that monkey
wearing human clothes.

[laughs] it's not what
they're supposed to wear.

-So, I guess I just
click this button... -[computer chimes]

-Oh, hey, you matched.
-Wonderful.

What do I do?
Send her a letter in the mail?

You meet her tonight
at the russian restaurant.

And... Send. If things go well,
you'll be getting

-An extra side of russian
un-dressing.[laughs] -I hope so.

Life is precious, and I cannot
squander this second chance.

I must do what
my trouser captain demands.

Mm-hmm! Mm-hmm...

Hello, uh...

-Tracy?
-Hi.

Hi. I'm sex tobin.

I'm here for beef. I mean sex.

I mean I'm here for a date.

Sex. Beef. [groans]

-Sex me.
-I'm gonna go.

Oof.
Rough start, but that's okay.

We gotta get you
back on that horse.

That sex horse. Yee-haw, dad!

-Mm-hmm.
-[computer chimes]

Ooh. Here we go.

I wonder if I've ever eaten
a fish that you caught.

[laughs] that sure is
fun to think about.

It is.

I hope you're
enjoying your drink.

-Oh, I am.
-You're welcome.

-I don't follow.
-I invented cups.

You invented cups?

-Oh, yes. [laughs]
-is this a joke?

Also, I know you're...
Hillary clinton. Mm.

I can't wait to wriggle
that skin suit off you

-Back at my place.
-To be expected.

You're gonna meet some people
who are bonkers in the wonkers.

Right. Back on
the sex horse I sit again.

Maybe I'll get earplugs,

Or perhaps
the lord will take me.

Oh, here we go.

This lady looks nice and normal.

Uh, nina?

[baby-talking]
hello, daddy!

-My diaper was full.
-Oh, no.

Beef!
here comes your bride

her name is me.
-nope.

No, no, no, no, no, no.

Um, barbie?

[baby-talking]
uh-oh, I dwopped my pacifier, daddy.

Guys, I've been out every night
this week. I'm exhausted.

And a new issue offisherwoman's
quarterlyarrived today,

So maybe I'll stay in
and just read.

Beef, that last app sucked, but

I found one called lumber love
that seems more your speed.

You're meeting
a gal called dee tonight.

She says she's gonna be
wearing head-to-toe plaid.

-Well, that is a great start.
-[knock on door]

Hey, guys.
I'm here to pick moon up.

Bigfoot and his little brother
are a big hit.

This is our fifth party
this week.

Let's go do what bigfeet do.

Stackin' bills
and delivering thrills.

[door opens]

[sighs] well, there's my date
in head-to-toe plaid.

Hey, delmer. I think there might
have been a fun little mix-up.

Oh, hell no!

[groans] sorry, mr. P,

-I really tried.
-Ow!

Greta? What are
you doing on the ground?

Oh, it's silly, I have something
called "cottage cheese knees."

The dumb things
just give out sometimes.

I was just heading in
for a drink. Are you leaving?

Buffalo wild wings.

That was because of the sex.

Good morning.
Oh, wow, beef.

You sure made a lot of bacon.

Which is great,
because I'm pork deficient.

If I don't eat at least
a half a pound a day,

My doctor says
my hands could fall off.

I know it's just
the two of us, but I set

Six places out of habit.

I love it! I mean,

Who doesn't love breakfast?

Well, there was
my old co-worker kedden

Who used to scream
at his hash browns

In the break room, but he died.

I also packed you
a nutritious lunch.

So, that's there
if you should want it.

I... [clears throat]

...Um, haven't really,
uh, had, you know,

A romantic encounter in a while.

I wasn't sure how to act.

Beef, just because
we knocked galoshes

Doesn't mean we have to act
any differently.

-We're just friends who boned.
-Friends who boned.

Okay, I like the sound of that.

Well, I have to go home

And prepare this exact same meal

For my entire family
before they wake up.

-[family] surprise!
-Oh, uh...

We noticed you didn't come home
last night,

So we threw a little something
together for you.

Was it everything
you'd hoped for?

Rose petals? Candles?

A single hershey's kiss
on your pillowcase?

-Spill.
-Or, you know, don't spill. At all.

Son, those details are private.

Ah, but what the heck?

Give me a slice
of that one-night-stand cake.

Why is there breakfast cake?

More like sex-fest cake! Ha-ha!

-Dad went all the way!
-And back up I go.

Take me with you.

We did it, my penis.

We had a one-night stand.
Of sex!

oh, yeah,
a one-night stand of sex

we're just friends who boned

a one-night stand of sex

a one-night stand
of sex

oh, sex!

Man, we're making money
hand over fist.

And I'm finally getting
to experience

The big brother thing.

Who knew it'd be so much fun

Buying my little brother
an amount of ice cream

That would make him
physically sick?

-You're nailing it, jer.
-Well, hello, hello, hello.

Um... Hello.

We heard
you've been doin' parties

Around town, as a duo.

Even heard you did ryan
ferguson's sixth birthday party.

-Uh, yeah.
-Ferguson is our gig!

There's only room for one

Big/little party duo
in this town.

Used to be big cher
and little cher.

Then someone gave 'em
a pair of concrete wigs.

Now the only big/little duo
is us. Capisce?

Okay, that was freaky.

Don't worry about it,
little bro.

They're just
party entertainers.

Yeah,
what's the worst they could do?

Hit us with
a bucket of confetti?

Or make us
a delightful balloon animal?

Honestly, I'd welcome it.

-Hmm...
-[beef] good morning,

-My fine family.
-[gasps]

What are you looking at?

-Hi, dad.
-Morning.

-Uh, nothing.
-Uh, dad,

If you're thinking about reading

The poetry corner,
don't bother.

It's just dumb.

But today's obituaries
are popping off.

Don't be ridiculous, judy.

You know poetry corner is
always my first stop

After I read the date.

"October 14th."

[chuckles]
pretty good.

Hey! Uh, should we all go
on a road trip?

Huh? Vegas?

-Let's go!
-Not now, son.

And I'd thank you
not to throw keys at my head.

Today's poem:
"red meat no gristle,

"late night guided missile.

By... Greta meatweep."

Hmm...

"when he helped me up
in the parking lot,

"suddenly things got very hot.

"in the darkness entwined,
on each other, we dined.

"I was disrobing,

He was... Beef tobin."

Oh, my god.

"bedclothes askew;
aroma, beef stew.

"night gives way to dawn,

-And yet our lovemaking
goes on." -[groans]

-[groaning]
-mm-hmm. Mm-hmm.

Very cool!

I wanted a discreet
one-night stand,

Not to be the star
of a literary sex tape.

Dad, you got to celebrate
your accomplishments.

This poem is going
right up on the fridge.

[groans]
I listened to my sky member,

And now I'm the town trollop.

Dad, relax.

I don't think anyone is
gonna care much about this.

When crispin and I
started dating

We thought we'd be
the talk of the town.

You know, being a new couple
in a small alaskan village,

But people moved on
pretty quickly.

Frankly, a little more quickly

Than my ego was
comfortable with.

And, beef, I didn't even know

There was a poetry corner
in thelone moose wind.

I bet no one's even read this.

You're probably right.

I mean, kids today,
with their video games

And their linkedins,
and their... Kites.

I'm sure nobody cares
about my sex-capades.

[groaning] mm-hmm.
[squealing] mm-hmm!

I'm just gonna go run
my errands and, uh,

Not give it a second thought.

[ham]
dad? You okay?

You're sitting
on your brooding log.

I was in town, and it seems
like many other ladies

Wanted me to dip my...

Beef taquito in their...
Lady queso.

[groaning]
mm-hmm.

Which I know a lot of guys
would dig,

But being
the center of attention

Just isn't my style.

Dad, if you don't like
all the attention,

You should go talk to greta.

She should know
that you'd rather keep

Any further rhyming couplets
about your romp private.

All right, hamjam.
When did you become so wise?

Oh, uh, about three years ago.

[moon]
pretty crazy that we've done

Three parties
for this family in one week.

[jerry] yeah, they always
give little jay-jay three parties.

He's gonna grow up
to be a monster.

Hey, what in the...

I think those damn clowns
pied your car.

[engine starts]

-[honks horn] honk-honk, bitch.
-[yelps]

Oh! How'd you get in here?

You just couldn't leave
well enough alone, could you?

Since you boys can't
take a hint,

Here's an ultimatum:
Costume battle.

Woods. Tomorrow night.
You. Us.

Couple other guys.
Derek's a maybe.

Appetizers, but not a meal.
You get the picture.

What the hell's
a costume battle?

It's how us local party
entertainers settle

This kind of score.

Winner gets to keep their act.
Loser loses theirs.

[grunts]

Boy, these clowns make
the one fromitseem chill.

I hope no one was
watching them leave.

Be real disappointing to see

Only two clowns
get out of a car.

[knocking]

Hello, greta.
I read your poem.

Oh, you did? I'm so glad.

I was so stirred
by our lovemaking

That I was finally
able to rhyme.

Would you like to come in?

I, uh...

Yes, beef?

Yes...

[ham]
so...

Based on this second,
very graphic poem,

I'm guessing
you didn't tell greta

That you didn't love
the first one?

Well, I tried, but... No.

Let me guess, you made
significant eye contact

And then just boned again.

-We did.
-Hoo...

"more beef broth
overfloweth my trough,

By greta meatweep."

It's a great title
for the sequel.

Wait. Let me just...
Brace myself.

Okay. Proceed.

"prime rib sandwich,
open face.

Mid-day gravy, hot embrace."

[straining]
no! No!

Nope, nope, nope!

Sorry, I tried to be cool,
but I am not this cool.

Good luck, dad.

And I am going to go upstairs
to my room

And then out the window
to a therapist!

[laughs hysterically]

And I shall go to my room.

For the foreseeable future,

I shall moor
my personal watercraft

In the safe harbor
of my own underpants.

Hey, judy, you want to bring
the table piece back?

I could get started fixing it.

[loud rock music playing]

Huh.

This seems kind of bad.

Uh-huh. And I think
you'll share my concern...

-Where are the frickin'
appetizers? -Oh, there's noodie the noodle.

Looks like he's been
hitting the sauce pretty hard.

-Didn't think you'd show up.
-Yeah, we showed up.

And you messed up
by messing with

My big bigfoot bro!

Go on, jerry. Get 'em!

Oh, moon! No, no, no, no.
Don't say that.

-Uh, I-I'm not-
-all right.

Here's how this goes down.

First we strip down
to our underwear

So we don't stain
our costumes with blood.

Then we fist-fight.

Then winners burn
the losers' costumes.

But first,
everybody gets ten minutes

To do whatever drugs they want.

Moon, look.

I think I've been so focused
on being a fun brother

That I forgot about
the other big brother stuff,

Like protecting you.

I mean, taking you
to a clearing in the woods

With a bunch of psychopaths?

That's not ideal
big brother behavior.

I think it might be time
to retire our bigfoot team.

But maybe we could just
hang out sometimes.

Oh, definitely.

Okay. When I say, "run," run.

-Run!
-Hey!

Get back here.

Where are you going?
[honks horn]

I'll miss you...!

[ham]
okay...

Yeah, this is bad.

Very, very bad.

Morning, my sibs.

Uh-oh. Your plates are
saying flapjacks,

But your faces are saying,
"oh, crap."

"my eager vegan
by greta meatweep"?

"your long blonde rattail
glistening in the sun.

Your lips like silken tofu,
your patchouli-soaked man bun."

Uh-oh. This poem is not
about your dad.

"truffle hunting at night,
my garden delight.

I unearthed his carrot,
and with glee he did share it."

I know this poem's not
about dad,

But I still hate it.

Looks like greta took
a veggie dip.

Dad's gonna be devastated.

He's just gotten himself

Back on the market,
and now he's being recalled.

-Gee! Hi-hi, hi.
-[stammering] hi.

[chuckles nervously]
hi, dad.

What, uh...
What's going on?

Oh, th-th-the...

Whole yard is-is on fire,

So... You better... Go...

Oh. I see.

Excuse me.

-Oh, no, greta broke his heart.
-I'll go after him.

-Wolf, no.
-But he's... Sad.

Yes, wolf, probably.

But look, dad chose
to sleep with somebody.

Twice.
And it got complicated.

But as someone
who has had to think about

This kind of relationship
and sex crap

From the time he was...
[scoffs] 12

And first saw
aknight riderrerun...

Hasselhoff.
Vroom-vroom, baby.

Exactly. And that car was
no slouch, either.

Look, as a gay dude,
I always knew that

My love life might bring me
a bit of, mm... Scrutiny.

But the other choice,
hiding away, kind of sucks.

And we got to let dad
process that.

Even if it means he lives
in the shed for a month or two,

Mumbling and
eating cold spaghetti.

Okay, then,
batten down the hatches.

It's about to get
very forlorn around here.

Come on, penis, show yourself.
We need to talk.

Ugh, maybe I have to be
at risk of death.

I guess I have to get in.

Oh, no! I'm in danger.
I could die.

Beef! My man!
What is up?

I am really proud of you.

You're the conductor
of thebone town express.

Choo-choo!

No. I am not that.

Although I do like trains.
But I'm upset.

Oh. Is it because
greta took another lover?

The vegan?

How do you know that?

Beef, I'm a part of you.

I know everything you do.

I know you're about to fart
right now.

Well, you're wro-
oh.

[chuckles] see?

So, what's the big deal
about greta?

You jealous?

No.
And that's what I'm upset about.

I was always kind of jealous
of kathleen,

So why am I not devastated

That I'm not greta's
only boy toy?

Has having casual sex turned me
into some kind of a lothario?

Beef, if you want answers,

You need to talk
to the guy who sent me.

No offense to me,
but I am pretty dumb.

Someone sent you?

Your heart sent me.

-Hey, heart.
-Oh, hey, fellas.

I was just thinking about
this cat I saw once

That only had three paws.

He rode around
on a little scooter.

-He was so brave.
-'sup, dennis.

My heart's name is dennis?

-Your name is beef?
-Fair.

Beef, it's not just
your down-below dangler

That's been dead for years.

It's me, too.

What? I use you all the time.

I-I love the kids.
And the boat.

And that cat
with the three paws.

I remember when we saw jangles
on that website.

Beef, I'm talking about
romantic love.

I haven't gotten
to feel that in years.

Okay, but then
why'd you send my wiener?

Come on, beef,
we all know the saying,

"the penis is the gateway
to the heart."

That's not a saying.

Sure it is.
I have it on a bumper sticker.

You have a car?

Sort of.
Well, it's complicated.

Look, beef, the point is,
if you don't start

Getting your old rod and reel
back in the game,

Then I have no chance, either.

And we've got a lot of
good years ahead of us.

So you're saying that if I keep

-Doing the deed...
-Hell yeah!

...You can handle that, dennis?

I mean,
you were really messed up

Back when you-know-who ran off.

Oh, yeah.
I was a disaster.

Remember how we used to have
to lie down in the shower

Every time
an air supply song came on?

We were both hanging on
by our fingertips.

But I'm better now.

Hmm. I guess that's true.

These days,
when I hear air supply,

I just turn the radio off

And sometimes rub a cool rag
across my forehead.

We're just asking you
not to fish your whole life away

While your friends go
to gals guzzle free night.

Okay, I'll do what you guys want
and get out there again.

Yes! But, beef, it's actually
what you want.

'cause we're you, ding-dong.

Hey, since we're gonna be
getting back out there again,

Maybe we call
that doll lady, huh?

-No.
-[beef] absolutely not.

But I will keep trying.
I promise.

All right, well, we'll be
seeing you around, beef.

Bye, player.

Don't be afraid to reach out.

Wait, my penis.
I never got your name.

It's cindy...

Thanks for all the support
through the years,

Captain christy covington,

Beast of bass fishing
and three-time cover girl.

But I got this now.

You know what?
A man can change his mind.

the penis is the gateway
to the heart

I'm your jonhson

and I'm where
you should start

I'm here to hold your hand
through love

and I'm closer to your farts

it's me

the downsouth donald

that's the gateway
to your heart

people see me hanging around

think I'm up to nothing good

but I have schemes and dreams,
you know

I'm not just made of wood

not just made of wood

get to know me better

and you'll see I can unlock

the golden road
to that hunky dude

the one that beats ticktock

I'm the penis,
the gateway to your heart.

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